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BIST HUMOR, MOVING
PICTURES, VAUDEVILLE.
in This Issue
The July number of The American Monthly Maga
zine contains some of the best work the corps of world-
known writers on this publication have turned out. You
can't afford to miss this treat
DEMAND IT: READ IT
ATLANTA. GA„ SUNDAY, JULY 4, 1915
Our Own Almanac
JULY
By T. E. Powers, the Famous
Cooyrlght. 1818, by the Star Company Great Britain Rights Reserved.
Cartoonist
Copyright, 191ft. by th« Star Company Oraat Britain Right* Raaerved.
This month begin* the one hundred and thirty-ninth year of our inde
pendence, speaking as a nation, not as a married man.
IM A COLLEGE
GRADUATE AND
I'M, WILLING To
ACCEPT A Joe
]_ AM now ready To Accept the:
Vice presidency op the road
and work my way upwards
Dots fine ,
But We Aint
qot No Jobs
U id eon Weiles born at Glastonbury, Cornu.
this date, 1802. Despite that he became Secre
tary of the Navy under Lincoln.
Them was the good old days. We had a
real navy then and a real Secretary.
Rent paid.
Week of vacation money gone.
Thurs.
/cjET OUT OF AVI
office You're
IBREAKINQ MY
HEART , ■>
Woodrow Wilson nominated three years ago
to-day.
He has onr sympathy—and support.
Francois Huber, the blind Swiss naturalist,
born this date, 1750. He knew all about bees.
What of It? You don't have to see a bee to
know he Is sitting on yon.
J Poor \
CoLLeqe ]
, NUT ^
HELL GET OVER
IT.' ^
ropley, our only native painter of skill be
fore the Revolution, born In Boston this date,
1737.
Practically all of his pictures were painted
by hand.
"Don't drink too much Ice water," 1, Board
of Health advice.
Is the custom of drinking water still preva
lent?
*1 f Lucky ip he'll
You LooK LIKE A SMART MAN
I'LL MAKE You FOREMAN OF THE
C I s QANq !
five years later
WHEN HE QRoyjs UP VJE
WILL SEND HICOLLEGE
And he'll be president
OF "THESE united STATES J
BE A
PLUM BLR.
PERCY
graduate
PLUMBER.
SHOVELS
PICKS
QOHTRACTORS
To oLS
ffi
The Fourth of July always
comes on this
date.
The safe and sane fireworks laws have put
a crimp in the crutch and artificial eye and
limb business.
On this date, 139 years ago, we announced
that we would be free and independent.
We did throw off England's yoke, but Old
Man Hymen Is still on the yoke job.
We also kicked about taxation without repre
sentation.
Yet how many of us, who have been taxed
to the limit for wife's gowns and spending
money, are represented when she lunches and
dances at an afternoon tango parlor?
P. T. "Bairnuin born In Bethel, Conn, (with
the accent on the abbreviation of the State),
this date, 1810.
His invention of mixing up freaks, educa
tional stunts, yodlers. gymnasts and lecturers
has been copied by the Cha-talk-qua Society.
How do you feel after the double holiday? "
Uh, huh. Most of us do.
It will wear aw«f by to-morrow.
John Paul Jones born in Scotland this data,
1747.
Being Scotch he never let anything get away
from him.
To day WE GRADUATE AND SETH FoRTH
To CONQUER. THE WORLD" ^ -
HELLO PoP ARE
You GOING To
QIVE ME A
Good TIME
HERES MY 5ON HE'S READY To
CONQUERTHE WORLD — GIVE
" HIM A SHOVEL
Sure ill Give You
A good TIME!
THAT5 A GREAT SPEECH
our, Son is Making >
Yes I MADE
IT MY SELF
2o Years Aqo
Philip Sing Physlck Eye gods, wbat
a name:
and why sing?) horn In Philadelphia this dat*
1768. A most eminent American surgeon.
Noted because he didn’t run away during a
How They Elected Electra, the Purtiest Gurl, to Be the Live Wire Goddess of the Shock
Copyright, 1915, by the Star Company. Great Britain Rights Reserved,
will be reproduced more’n a hundred million times on all sortsa adver
tising matter. She'll be the most copied gel! in America long afore the
campaign closes. I thank you." (Business of bowing and passing
cigars.)
Now, what could be fairer'n that?
They passed around the photos, and we voted. There were tall fat
gurls and short transparent ones, gurls sitting on fences and gurls sit
ting on moons, looking up hopeful and looking down shy, and some
looking two ways at once. One gurl wrote on backa her picture: “If
you're looking for a strong goddess, that’s me. 1 always been used
to hard work." She looked It. She’s prob’ly s tombstone cutter's
assistant, and carries marble blocks around for him on her thigh.
Besides electing Electra, we hadda elect four Electrlquettes, as
sistants and understudies, yussee, to repasent other forms of plenty. So
we tried to do what was right, though It came hard at times.
Some reporters eased In, and rubbered around, and wanted to know
what's matter in here. We Just told 'em to run along. They’re getting
terrible Inquisitive these days. A woman reporter was there, too, and
she wa6 summit of a looker herself, so we told her we were gonna vote
for her. And she handed us a hot come-back by saying: “You better
look out, or i’ll write you up.” That's sump’m we've always wanted to
have done to us—be written up, although we hate notoriety. It's wery
wulgar.
We're not quite through yet, but we'll tell how the thing came out
right here, so those who haven't time to read any further can quit. The
one who won was Miss Flossie Cazazza, and we fondled three or four of
her photos In ancient Oreek costume. She looked very Juno and, though
there was nothing shocking about the pictures, she looked very well
acquainted with electricity.
Then all the girls came In the next room and did a grand parade
for us, forming In squares and circles. This was where the party began
to wax Interesting, and everybody forg'd all about the photographs.
They were models with limber necks, movie actorlnes with wistful eyes,
chorines In all their war paint—all culled from the lofty professions
where beauty is a skin game But they got us all very -*ctive. and many
addresses and phone numbers began to be taken Uuxn,
James appeared with a tray of beverages, and there was wassail.
Sev'ral dames claimed they were embarrassed and didn't care to be
discussed and looked at so searchlngly. No, embarrassed could not
be pronounced embraced. This was a purely business meeting, con
ducted under strict Markee de Queensberry rules.
Nearly all of the gurls wanted to know what the Idea was, and let's
see the prizes, and I'll take mine In money. The typical American chicken
la ao commercial. We tried to explain the proposition, and told ’em
Electra was Jove's daughter. What Jove? By Jove? No, Electra was
Mars’s sister. Aw, Mars is a star. Then we tried to tell ’em about
how they all lived at Olympus, and one said: "Oh, yah. where they hold
the athaletic games.” We tried to make it all Greek to ’em, but got
kidded at every turn. The conclusion is that It doesn't pay to be educa
tional.
Nevertheless, we advanced the view that It was the best looking
buncha femininity ever herded together In one room any place any time.
An artist there from Turkey took umbrage, and said the Caucasians and
harem queens from Asia Minor had 'em beat to a frizzle. Whereupon we
contended that Turk gurls are fat. and only show their faces from the
eyes up. So he turned away, crestfallen, when he saw that we knew all
the secrets of his country.
A picture was taken up In the Italian gardens, where it happened
that Vern Castle and Mrs. were sitting at the time, letting several hun
dred puBsons watch them set the style In wrestling with lemonade.
Well, that picture was some groupa goddesses. Every gurl'd like to he
a goddess and bend right down to a diet of nectar, ambrosia and
cologne. Who wouldn't like to say she posed for the Statch of Liberty,
or Diana on Madison Square Garden, or the stout girl on toppa the Capitol
at Washington, or even for Charley Gibson?
Some day we're gonna start a ugly girl contest, and after we've
called In all the worst knockers of the town to pick the winner well
take her picture around to the magazines and let ’em bid on it for a
cover.
Rut Electra apd her four assistant* will make us all speed up a few
volt*
fTo Be Continued a Week from Next Sunday!
yellow fever epidemic.
Why fear a little thing like yellow fever with
a name like that?
8
Thura.
Fltz Dreene Halleck, distinguished American
poet, born at Guilford, Conn., this date, 1790.
He wrote:
"At midnight. In his guarded tent.
The Turk lay dreaming of the hour”
Probably a printer's mistake: that last word
should have been "hourl.”
9
Frl.
Ellas Howe born Spencer, Mass., 1819, this
date.
He invented the sewing machine.
But it wasn't popular.
While It would sew all right It wouldn't get
dinner, do the washing, nurse baby, bring in
the kindlings, make beds, etc., eto.
"Have a fish dinner every Friday,” says a
cook book. What la a fish's dinner?
~To
Sat.
Christopher Columbus born In Genoa, Italy,
1436.
According to rumor, he was a sailor.
Robert Chambers, LL.D., born at Peebles,
Scotland, 1802.
He wrote "Information for the People," and
sold 200,000 copies.
Anyone who can make such a hit aa that
without getting a sex problem plot in hta book
Is some writer. 1
11
Hun.
George Fox born in England thlB date. 1624.
No, he didn't Invent the Fox trot.
But he founded the Society of Friends, or
Quakers.
15
Mon.
This Is the day the scrub lady comes to do
the washing for the woman of the house.
Julius Caesar bom this date, 100 B. C.
July In named In his honor.
He once captured the world, but, being cut
by several of his acquaintances, was ‘‘exiled’’
from It Into another country.
13
Tuea.
John Dee. a famous magician, bom this date,
1527.
But he waan t 1n It with another John D.
when It came to turning erode petroleum Into
solid gold.
w
Wed.
Isaac Watts. D. D., born July 14, 1674
He was the popular song writer of religion.
—
—
Biographical, hlsturi-
Now the day a
be
Day
Day
cal and considerable
gin to get ahorter.
of
of
gueas-work aa to things
that have and will hap
Bo does every
except Rummer
one
r+
Month.
Week.
pen in this scrappy old
world.
tort proprietors.