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The
Excoption
Proves
VOL. V.
Timelock Foams, the Great Detective
The Mystery of the Three Yellow Discs.
¢ AMS,” 1 shouted, as 1
‘F burst into our dig
gings in Faker street,
“look what 1 found on the side
walk outside Madison Square
Garden.”
Foams looked up from his
bloater and marmalade.
“Don’t get overheated, Pot
* #on,” he sald. “As a medical
man you must know the danger
of becoming overheated, espe
clally when one is no longer
‘middle-aged.”
I instinctively felt the bald
#pot on the top of my head.
“But, Foams,” I persisted, “these
must mean something” With
that 1 threw down the three tiny
yellow discs I had plcked up.
Foams's face changed. 1 had
Bever known the great detective
"1o betray so much emotion. The
matter was serious, then.
Carefully he picked up the
lttle pleces of cardboard and
put them on the plate in front
of him.
“Potson,” he said, “stop star
ing like a baked owl. Use what
you humorously call your brain
and tell- me what you think
these are.”
“You remember the Sigr of
the Four? | answered. “Well,
I'd think this was the Sign of
the Four, but there are only
three of them.”
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% BI L R R . R R :M“‘—“‘“‘““——‘———_—*"—'_‘_fl—
Doings of the Junk Family
By T.' E. Powers, the Famous Cartoonist
THE MORNING SMILE
WEX JONES Editor
Atlanta, Ga., Sunday, bqrtmnt—;;r 19,1‘5’)
“Admirable, my dear Potson,
admirable. Your brainpan, full
of cold molasses, is unusually
brisk to-day. ‘This would be the
Sign of the Four only there are
only three of them.' An admir
able idea, my dear Potgon, but 1 .
fear not of much use in solving
this problem. These little discs
are of yellow cardboard, Pot
son,” sald the xte‘at detective, as
he examined them under the mi
croscope. “They have been
clearly punched out, too.”
Foams fell Into a brown study.
“Three discs,” he muttered. *I
can’t understand it. Three; only
three.”
“Oh,” sald 1, “there were three
more of the same kind on the
sidewalk. 1 didn't think they
made any difference.”
Foams jumped from his chalr
and picked up the heavy steel
poker. His face was white with
rage. 1 thought for a moment
Foams was about to strike me,
but he merely bent the steel rod
into the shape of a pretzel
“You ‘didn’t think they made
any difference.’ Potson, you are
the Dbiggest chnmp that ever
lved. Six discs of yellow card
board on the sidewalk outside
Madison Square Garden. Simple,
simple. They were the discs
punched out of a complimentary
ticket to a fight! Three would
TEARST'S SUNDAY AMERICAN. ATLANTA. GA., SUNDAY. SEPTEMBER 19 1915
have been a different matter,
Potson, don't you know that an
‘Annle Oakley' is punched full of
holes? Chump, my dear Potson,
is the only word that describes
you."
Maybe Foams is right. He
usually is,
————————
DID YOU KNOW THAT—
In writing “1, 2,3, 4”. you al
ways put “2" second?
You don't know why?
It's deucedly bad ferm to be
busy in a lounge suit?
It's also shocking bad form to
run In a walking suit?
You should never go to court
in anything but a law suit?
None of our best people stay
out late in a morning coat?
In other words, when after
noon comes, they all cut away in
thelr cutaways?
We never could understand
why the country that has the
thistle as the emblem has the
kilt as its national dress?
Some teams win on a fluke, but
we think a dbluefish is faster?
The above paragraph is a fine
example of effishency?
A
Stumbling
Block
IN THE SMILE'S
EVOLUTION.
TO THE EDITOR.—BiIIy Sun
day says that anyone who
teaches evolution is a hypocrite.
This makes me wonder why, If
man has been evolved from mon
keys, that we never hear of any
men being evolved from the
Jungle monkeys nowadays. Why
fsn't the process just as good
now? Monkeys should be turn
ing into men all the time.
(Mrs.) J. 8.
DANGEROUS, ANYWAY,
TO THE EDITOR.—WouId it
be a violation of neutrality to
perform any of the following
acts:
Feed a Russian wolfhound in a
German restaurant?
Give a Japanese spaniel a plate
of goulash?
SBmoke a Turkish cigarette
while enjoying a cupful of Eng
ish Breakfast toa?
An answer would greatly
oblige. PERPLEXED PIRATER.
VERY GOOD, EDDIE.
TO THE EDITOR: What is the
proper way to address a colleo
tion of hoop snakes? I always
begin by saying, “Whoops, my
dears!™
TIMOTHY TURNSPIT,
VERY GOOD, EDDIE,
TO THE EDITOR: Does bee
culture pay?
CLIFTON MEEK.
(Ask W. J))
A BEACH QUERY.
O THE EDITOR: What {s the
T best thing té do when
caught in the undertow?
J. E. SWANKER.
LSy on it—Ea.]
NO. 49
ARGUMENT: You are the Police Reporter on The Morning Star.
It is your duty in the stilly night to round up all the crimes and con
flagrations of the evening. Your name is George, or some equally
monosyllablc monacker.
OU (buying a drink)—Anything new, Mike?
IY BARTENDER—Not a thing, George.
YOU-—Have one with me, Mike. ‘
BARTB.\'DER-—Thank-, I will, George. (From a bottle labelled “Gin”
he pours out a little pure water and drinks it with much theatrical gusto.
He does not record your purchase on the cash register. Sore finger, most
likely.)
DETECTIVE (entering)—Evening, men.
YOU-—Hello, Ed. Have a drink, Ed.
DETECTIVE-—You're on, George. A little of the old stuff, Mike,
YOU—FIII 'em all up, Mike. What's fresh up you way, Ed?
DETECTIVE (wiping his lips)—Not a thing, George.
POLITICAL POWER (peering over the swinging doors)—Any of
youse boys seen Callahan?
YOU--Not yet, Tom. Come on in and have a drink, Tom.
POLITICAL POWER-—REvery time, George. (Steps in.)
YOU—FIII 'em all up, Mike. (Mike does that little thing.) Anything
Signs of the Times
Copyright, 1918, by the Star Company,
P vou .~
A man working long after mid
night at home washing dishes,
dusting, sweeping, throwing bot
ties In the garbage pail and other
wise disporting himself, it is a
sign friend wife Is coming home
'r_om vacation.
Youngsters looking at the cal
endar and counting on their fin
gers, It ls a sign they are not re-
Jolcing over the advent of Sep
tember and school.
A man smiling happlly because
ft is getting colder, It Is a sign
he is not an Ice dealer.
A woman looking In the shop
windows at straw hats, It Is a sign
she is plcking out something for
Winter wear.
A Glrl ehased out on thereof and
How to Be a Police Reporter
e g
Copyright, 1916, by the Star Company. Great Britain Rights Reserved.
By Horatio Winslow
Great Britain Rights Reserved.
siide down the rain pipe, It Is a
Bign she is a movie actress. |
A man who is absolutely neu
tral, It Is a sign your eyes are de
celving you. ‘
Your wife bring home a stunning
dress, It ls a elgn you will soon
see a stunning biil.
A man beat It out of the house
Just before dinner and remaln
away, dining at the lunch wagon,
It is a sign he belleves In peace
at any price.
A woman sit down at the tele
phone about 10 a. m. and call her
friends, it Is a sign the phone Is
going to be engaged until about
midday.
A man who used to run a plow
factory suddenly become prosper.
Oug, it is a sign he has been beating
his plowshares Into schrapnel,
buzzing around, Tom?
POLITICAL POWER (setting down an empty glass)—Not a thing,
George.
EX-PUGILIST (e moral hero—ten vears in the squared circle and has
vet to buy his first drink. Entering)—Got a telephone directory here,
Mike?
YOU—Mello, Harry. What's your hurry, Harry? Aren't you drink
ing with us, Harry?
EX-PUGILIST (possessor of $125,000 worth of real estate and hange
ing on te ét)—Sure, I am, George. Gimme a gin fizz, Mike.
YOU—AII around, Mike. Anything hatching, Harry?
EX-PUGILIST (preparing to leave; no unnecessary risks for him)—
Not a thing, George.
YOU~—Well, then, glive us all another little drink, Mike. (General sats
{sfaction.)
BARTENDER—Happy days, George.
YOU—I guess I'll be sliding along, Mike. :
BARTENDER—Wait a minute, George. I heard a good one this
afternoon. (Tells it.)
YOU—Ha! Ha! Ha! That's some champeen yarn. Fill 'em all up
on that, Mike. .
(And you're always through by five in the morning, and every Monday
s payday, and Tuesday night you're off, and you can go out with the doys
and have a good timet)
. ~
Little Fairy Tales
Copyright, 1015, by the Star Company. Great Britain Rights Reserved, n
THE honest lawyer turned to the wealthy newspaper man and—
Once upon a time a doctor said, “Since there is absolutely nothing the
matter with you | am not going to charge you anything for this visit.”
The woman tumed to her husband and said, “No, I do not want
any money. This hat I bought in 1909 js just as good as ever.”
“You will find,” said the box-office man, “that this seat is exactly
behind a post.”
*“No,” exclaimed the child, “keep your dime. Ido not care for the
movies, ™
“Ofmtbcmthn'tduehlweekmhtld\mh!rdhc
run in and pay it."
Greeting each other affectionately, the Englishman and the Cerman
walked down the street arm in arm.
“Hooray! Hooray!" shouted the healthy young lad. “Cée,
glad school has started again!” . la
Qace upon a time & faithful lovepmer
Says:
-
Copyright, 1918, by the Star Company. Greas
Britain Rights Reserved.
RS. LOT turned to a pillar of
salt. Pretty soft for Mn.
Lot.
Trying to locate a few Items of
domestic news In the papers these
days reminds us that war is csr
tainly all that Sherman said of it
Faint heart never escaped falr
lady. |
Generally women are very busy,
but they WILL kill time when
asked their age.
To be genuinely witty you must
be able to remember everything
you read.
Money isn't everything. With
most of us it Is a very small mat
ter.
A stitch In time is worth two In
the back.
The way women dress now
there’d be little to get excited over
if people did live in glass houses.
If It wasn't for watches women
would never know how late they
are.
Love, like liquor, makes the
world go 'round and 'round, and
both of 'em generally have a cold
gray dawn.
An optimist is a man who thinks
he knows all about women. A pes
simist is one who does.
The most tiresome person in the
world is a model husband or wife.
No one knows real monotony like
the wife who has finally succeeded
In reforming her husband.
Most of us howl for justice when
what we really want is mercy.