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Bad Mead
This Merning
Astor—
Vol. VL.
Timelock Foams, the
Great Defective
The Adventure of the Good
Resolution. .
[ TAsthor's Note—The titls of
she top was not #0 written by ws.
The compositor persiets in mak
g fAe word read ae Re Aae
printed &, netead of “detective”
a 2 we wrote §#f. Wes Rave recson
to believe tRe primter MAoe bDeen
bridbed by Moriority, the erch.
oriminol, who Ropes thus to create
dissension Dbetween Foame and
myself.]
“Wm Potson,” said
Foams to me, as
we breakfasted In
our modest diggings in Faker
street, “how goes the water
wagon?”
“I'm entirely off the stuff,
Foams,” I replied.
I had induced the great deteo
tive to give up the “hop” at the
same time I swore off my
Scotch.
“And how do you feel?™ I
asked.
“Tip-top, Potson,” said Foams.
“l don't feel the need of it at
all”
On my way home that aftey
noon I felt a little depressed
and dropped into my usual pub
lic house for a stiff Scotch and
soda.
I had just raised it to my lips
when I saw, reflected in the
mirror, some person in a booth
in the farthest cornef. Who- '
ever it was, he had a ‘“needls”
in his hand and his sleeve was
rolled up.
I looked closer.
It was Foams.
Disgusted with his lack of
willpower, I swallowed my
The Troubles of Lilly Putian
THE MORNING SMILE
WEX JONES Editor
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Did You Know That—
False hair ia a sort of false
hood?
Paste dlamunds are prefer
able to a paste in the eye?
Very few accidenis are at~
tributable to hobby horses?
Very few horses are one
horsepower?
Boft water will d(; more hard
work than hard water will?
Lots of people have soft snaps
living hard by the shore?
drink, which was purely medle-,
inal, and went out.
1 was silent that evening at
dinner, and Foams's only re
mark was, “Potson, my dear
fellow, you are & cQump."
Naturally, I couldn't tell
¥oams I had seen him without
giving away my own presence
4 in the Blue Boar.
Y When 1 saw Foams' in the
same booth the next day I knew
that his intellect was too keen
for me. No wonder Moriarity
dreads him!
MEARST'S. SUNDAY ANTRICAN, " ATRANTA, GA., SUNDAY, JANUARY 16, 1916,
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The
Runabout
Rodent—
An
Invaluable
Invention,
IN THE SMILE’S
GET THE HOOK.
TO THE EDITOR-—Seems
to me that goldfish should |
be good pool-players—
they’'re always playing around
ina pool. JAMES T. CARP.
VERY TRUE.
TO THE EDITOR—A worm
would get very little change of
alr by going to live in the sub
wßYy. ROBERT M'CLUCK.
PERMAPS A LITTLE OF BOTH.
TO THR EDITOR—SBhouId we
attribute its depravity to hered
ity or environment in the case
of a ocucumber? JIM DILL,
RE EXCEPTIONS.
TO THE EDITOR--Is there
any exception to a universal
rule? T. L. WILSON.
[Never except
occaslonally.]
Our Weekly Health Hint.
Cut out New Year celebra
tione—for a year. l
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Ad
Breaking Your
Good
Resolutions
Yesterday?
NO. 14.
v
Runabout
Rodent
Boon to Bachelors, Beaut
- eous and Otherwise.
Smile’s Latest Invention Invale
able to Hunted Sex
During 1916.
AKE a peek at the ao
I companying {llustration.
If you're a married
man, all you can do is shake
your head and mutter, “Too
late.” :
If you're a bachelor, the bhunt
eod look will fade from your eyes
and hope will once more spring
in your breast.
With the Smile’'s Runabout
Rodent you are safes. No de
signing female dare approach
you when you have our non
meticulous mouse along with
you.
You can smile as you let the
R. R. rush to your ald. It will
make 1916 a literal leap year
for the girls who approash you.
They'll leap ten feet into the alr.
Order your Runabout Rodent
at once.
SBPECIFICATIONS: Body—
Gray, upholstered in natural fur,
Cylinders—Twin-twelves.
Engine—Two-mousepower.
Speed—Fastest you ever saw.
Winter Hints. '
You can prevent snow from
settling on your roof by pour
ing hot water on each flake as
it falls.
Chilblafns on the toes will
not trouble you if you keep your
feet in the oven.
To prevent cake from getting
stale, eat it before baking.
Old Doc F qgflé s !{eglzhm §Meries
| OUR balr starts on the top of your head and grows out, or comes
l Y out, or has already done so.
| Women who find that their hatr s coming out will be pleased
to know that a bair receiver is one of the best things known to keep it in.
Hair is said to be woman's crowning glory. That's not exactly the
way to pud it. “Somebody’s hair is woman’'s crowning glory!”
There is a place for everything, but a man's shoulder s no place for
a blonde hair—if his wife is a brunetta. Patients often ask me what is
good for the hair. There are several things really good for it, chief
among them being a brush and comb,
It has been sald that hair is a sign of wealth. Good night! Think
of how well off Jawn D. would bave been if only he had grown a mat
like Paderewski! -
Red halr is really beautiful. Some people laugh at i{t. but not those
who have {t. There are two reasons why people have red hair—dron in
the system and ancestors. No one, according to Confucius or some cele
brated sage, ever saw a slob with red hair.
A great many people rush up to me and inform me they are getting
bald—as though I couldn’t see it for myself, ten blocks away. I have
recommended everything from keroseme to prayer, and yet I can boast
of as many bald-headed patients as any other doctor.
Besides black, white and red halr there is the so-called “salt-and
pepper,” a very seagonable sort of hair, Brown hair grows {n all shades
from almost black to almost red.
It has been said that there are very few true blondes. Bosh! Thera
are just as many true blondes as there are true brunettes. Personally,
I do not think halir has much to do with it.
There's a reason for everything, or at least almost everything. We
have a reason for hair. Away back in the prehistoric days mankind had
to have hair or elss he wouldn't have had anything on his mind. He
didn’t have any sort of a hat, nor did his wife—them was the happy days!
He had a very thick mop of hair, and every time a clansman would sneak
out of his cave and come up and bounce a stone can apsener on his head
The Weekly Cruise of the Good Ship “News”
'l'llEßE’S little news ‘of the Ford ship trip;
The country’s held by the Demon Grippe,
And the King of Serbs gave the silent slip
“To the Bulgar.
The Russians mass for a move in herds;
The peace dove still is the goat "mong birds,
While the Housewives’ League had a war of words
Most vulgar.
The echoes heard from a libel suft
Say Barnes must pay all the costs to boet,
And the G. O. P. makes a plea for Root
To advise her.
Great Britain’s dogged by the words “Too Late™;
The seas are rough on her Ship of State,
And the Docs prepare to operate
Jn the Kaiser.
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the halr would sort of deaden the shock—always providing the dlow was
not too severe, when it would sort of deaden the man.
The primitive men nsed to cut their hair with clam shells and such
anthropological safety racors, but the women allowed their hair to grow.
This was because men in those days didn't ruln a perfectly good dress
sult popping down and proposing. When they wanted a wife they grabbed
her by the hair and took her home to the cave. Do you think, them, any
woman would neglect to let her hair grow good and long?
Auburn hair s the same as red, except that the owner thereof iz a
peach. Titlan hair is also the same as red, except that the owmer has
oodles of money.
Thers {s a pecullarity about hatr and namea. If a fond mother names
her little girl baby “Goldie,” that child is certain to grow up with hair as
black as the internal economy of a fountain pen. But if she names the
child “Nubia,” her hair is certain to turn out 0 be the eolor of a gquick
lunch cup custard!
Nine times out of ten when a man with halr as straight as the Ten
Commandments marries a girl with beautiful, ourty hals, their youngsters
all have perfectly stratght halr. And eleven times out of ten the poor
man never hears the last of it!
Only a ocouple of generations ago & woman combed her hair to the
morning and that was all thers was to it. Now she goes to a hairdresser’y
and has it washed and baked and electriodried and ocurled and waved
and riccocheted and marcelled and perfumed and done into a ocoiffure, all
for the modest amount of about $3.50, and it looks almost as goed
when she gets home as it did befors she went.
And man—he used to get mother or wifs to put the oM yaller bowl
with the blue strips 'round It on his head and ocut his hair around that
And he combed it with a plain old horn comb, and on Sundays put s
little hair {ls on ft to be dressy, and it lasted him right through his sous
SCOre years. i
But now the Tonsorial Artist shampoos it with a pale pink sticky
fluid, singes it with a wax taper, rubs nine kinds of tonio into it, eadh
one guaranteed to grow hair on a china doorknod, dnshes bay rum Into
it, and by the time a man gets old enough to vote he begins to get bald,
JAPAN would take the Philippines,
Yet will not dare to risk it;
Out in Detroit a man’s divorce
Was based on wifie's biseuit.
The atmosphere gives nitrogen
When chemistry commands it
"Tis Bryan's guff
That yields the stuff-—
The chemist he just Jands it
. w ®
'I'HE Duteh behold ip growing trade
The war cloud’s silver lning.
Our Mayor plans for better rule,
Yet recks not on resigning.
In cap and bells he seeks the rele
Of Education’s mentor,
And dancing goes
In motley clo’es ;
Where angels fear to enten,
Firing Line
Gomet Batratn Bights Boseccwd
Coprrigh' o 8 by the Brec (wmgesy
DEADLIER THAN USUAL.
ulmmu-l
warring setions sod et
women are perfectly ab's to maks
shrapnel
*l'l wager thay make B fn Daly
own way, however, One cupful of
gunpowdes, ehe eupful of aitre
glycerina a pinoch of fulminets and
" ™
e
WNE TO BRGIN,
Jm-—-m we are with ne
army, 5o adeguate navy, 8o
guna no nothing—-dn an abwolute
state of unpreparedness! [ bellevs
we orter have everything in read)
pess. “Johuay o the spot™ imy
seutiments
OFFICE DOY-—Mr. Jenm &
boss wanis to know when you're
gonna get doss orders out what
cofne 18 on de IBthl
CAUSE AND RFFEOY.
Axu-mm«u—w
ten yeary’ penal servitude
sted what was golng om In the
world,
“Well, ther's most of Eureps
fighting. and the saloons are closed
ot ten In Lendon,” he was told
“Geo on!" sxcialmed the exoon
viet. “Well, | pever! Panay the
saloons closing eardy haviag sueh
- allsot't™
A MARD BMOT,
Lm (On London garden)—-We
always keep the hose ready In
case of & Tappelin mid
VISITOR-—But surely, my fear,
# would never reach thems at the
Meight they Syt
PROOF POSITIVE,
mecmm—hmn
Detier weather now. Some
people think all the rain we had &
Hittle time ago was eaused by the
fring of heavy guns in Belgium.
DRESSFITTERI don't ses how
that oan be, madam, for I remem
ber we mowtly had very fine weather
during the South African wan,
MER SORROW,
uDouy-'&M-yh—
terest 10 the war?™
“Yeos, indesd. Bhe talke adout 1.
“What does ghe say ™
“Why, she says that she wishes 1
ecould go.*
Your Hair and
What of It?