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/ et ATLANTA, GA., SUNDAY, JANUARY 16, 1916, o —_— == _
0, Love, What Crimes Are Committed in Thy Name!
By T. E. Powers, the Famens' Cartoomist
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WHEN YOuRE \\ 55
IN LOVE ’/’ ——— ?} e
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THEY DONT KNOW ITS RAINING ! |
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Ernest Truex and Jack Hazzard in “Very Good, Eddie”
RNIE—The purser on the boat sald if I mentioned him to you you'd
E také good care of me. I'd like a nice room,
JACK~—With, without, or family style?
ERNlE—What’s family style?
JACK—Saturday night privileges. .
ERNIE—I guess you don't know whr I am, do you?
JACK—Nope. Smatter, can’tcha ge. anybody to tell yuh?
ERNIE—WeII, I guess I'll go to my room.
JACK—Nix. The last guy that trimmed me told me he was Vernon
Castle. - Pay in advance.
ERNIE—AII right. Here. Now, how'll I know which i{s my room?
JACK—Chase down the corridor till you hear a voice say, “Sir!l”
It’s the next room.
ERNIE—I never heard of such a town as this. No night trains. No
boats. Can't get out till morning.
JACK—Den't weep on me. Write to the president of the company
about it. ;
PRNIE—But how do you villagers get along under such conditions?
JACK—Most of the people in this town have gone away and the rest
have been here so long they don’t care.
ERNIE—Say, T just had a look at my room. It won't do. Halt of
807 e accupied by the roof, G
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ARENT You
MY DUCKY
DADDALS?
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Copyright, 1018, by the Star Company. Great Britain Rights Reserved.
JACK—You've got nothin’ on me. My bed's painted on the wall,
ERNIE—Don't go away, please.
JACK—Listen! If anybody asks for the bellboy, porter, clerk, head
walter or chambermaid, I'll be right back.
ERNIE—I feel that I am about to burst into song.
JACK—Go ahead. You stay here and strain your voice. I'm going
out and strain the milk.
ERNIE—TeII me, isn’t there any other way to get to Pokipsy except
by crossing down the river?
JACK—Yes. Take a train down to Weehawken, cross to New York
and take a train up from Grand Central.
ERNIE—That was a terrible boat we came up on. We didn’t have
any stateroom.
JACK—What'd you do all night?
ERNIE—It was a day line. We didn’t.
JACK—Better stay here a while and rest up.
~ ERNIE—I'd like to go hunting. Are there any muce around here?
JACK—What? Muce? Well, I'll speak to the cat about it.
ERNIE—No. I mean big muce, with horns and everything.
JACK—-—Oh! Moose? Well, there was one over .. the hill once, but
everybody shot at him, so he w,ent away,
THE ROSE IS
RED The
VIOLET IS
BLUE, No
BLAve GwW Cur
QUR lOVE
IN Toano ~
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HELOVES ME !
HE LOVES ME NeoT
HE LOVES ME Y
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THAVE SOME LITTLE LOVE)]
NOTES OF YouRS — ’
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FERNIE—How far is it back to New York!
JACK-Eighty miles, as the Ford flies.
ERNlE—Sßomebody wants you on the phone.
JACK (at phone)—You did? Well, I'll tell him to pull down the
shade at once.
ERNIE—Are you the watchman at this hotel, too?
JACK—You try a little transom work, and see.
ERNIE—What was your job before you landed here?
JACK—I was cashier in a police statfon. Counting the coppers.
ERNIE-—At home were you an only child?
JACK-—Nope. Triplets. I'm the one they saved. Why, I know you.
You're an old playmate of mine.
ERNIE—And now, just think. I'm married.
JACK—Yep. They're making husbands smaller every year.
ERNlE—You're married, too, aren’t ‘rou?
JACK—Oh, yes. My wife thinks the world of me. Says I'm so
strong and handsome.
ERNIE—Yes, you're strong.
JACK-—Say, if you don’t mind, I'm thirsty.
ERNIE—Oh, I don’t mind.
JACK-—Well, then, I'll just step back to the kitchen and water the
sat's milk
T DIDNT KHow
SHE LIVED uP
NEAR ALBAN /[ 3
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It Must Be Good
To Be Popular
e—. - —————
T”\l S why the Monthly Free Fiction )ll‘l
gine of The Sunday American is such a favor
ite. The world’s best artists and writers produce
it. It supplements The Sunday American's first
issue every month
Watch for It!
from N. Y. Auto Show
Coprright, 1916, by the Star Company. Great Bettaln Rights Reserved,
ERE'S a little New Year's joy tip: By the end of 1916 one out of
H every sight families in this money-stricken mation will find itaelf
laden down with a motor car,
SO, if you don't belong to any special famfly right now, hurry and
nook up to one, and you'll stand a good show of sitting in on the great
gasoline glide. It's a pipe, for in your efforts to establish a family, or
get established, you can't go wrong more'n seven times. The eighth shot
i» bound to cop the buzs-buggy.
That's the line of lubrication the sales boys rubbed into us st the
sooual auto urge at Grand Central Palace, anyhow. As we draped our
(red person ewer the alluring becushioned part of a flossy rear seat, we
telt willing to admit any statistics whatever; and though contending that
this is & crael world. we concluded that America is probabdly the least
cruel of the world's members.
Personally, we can't give the auto trade much encouragement at
present, though we did let on to be Interested—very. He who biuffs and
runs Away saves mazuma. The situation as regards us is this: The
average price for honk hacks has been cut in ha!f in the last fifteen yoars.
By that reckoning we shall be able about sixty years hence—oh, well.
don’t let's fall by the milepost., Why should we anticipate opnlence?
We listened intently, but heard no salesmen exhorting strollers te
hold off on & car until 1920, By that time aeroplaning .vlll have made
folks stop sputtering so much sbout State roads. (Aren’'t we the bold
soothsayer?)
No romance of an auto exhibit {s complete without some ghastly
allusions to the Ford, which was conspicuous only by the number and
variety of accessories displayed, and mads solely for the purpose of at
tachment to it. After an exhaustive survey of these parts, you won
dered If anything at all came f. 0. b. with the “car” except the rattle
and the smell. Ford is the greatest Barnum that ever kidded the public.
Instead of paring half a dollar for the privilege of deing a sucker,
Henry has made his countrymen come through with a hundred times that
amount
Around a long, gray car. with the outer skin removed to show all the
palpitating internal organs. was clustered a eurious bunch of gaping
lookers, starving for information on anything at all. Being in the same
class as those worthy members of society, we sauntered up to the ex
eitement and tried to enter into the spirit of the thing.
The agent, very nimble with his hands and vocal cords, was ez
plaining what would happen If the differential rubbed against the magneto,
when the ignition wouldn't speak to the clutch, just bocause the crank
sha’t and the eamshaft dropped water in the carburetor om account es
the arbitrary spark plug falling below the cofl of the radiator.
In the crowd, and towering above their tense faces, stood a nky
glant not a halr under seven foot seven, we'll swear on a stack of hay
or anything. He comprehended fully the drift of the salesman's argu
ment, but he was not inclined to admit everything flat. He had to say
something to justify his atrocious elongation, didn't he?
S 0 he replied to the unctuous purveyor of those things which no sane
(or insane) man can afford to be without: <Y
“l know, old man (familiar stuff), but you haven't expiained the
reason for having so much resilience in the extra wheel when the tool
box is on the left, even though the speedometer works faster than the
oil-feed when the gasoline supply freezes up and the afr-cooled engine
can be chilled more effectively with icicles, because an inside drive,
lemme tell yuh, is much less dangerous when the chauffeur has a cold
in the head.”
Naturally this effusion was a kmeck-dawn srgument, and the sales
man didn’t try to tell the tall party where he alighted. The extenuated
being walked on to another corridor. And d4d the loiterers remain at the
side of the agent? Not perceptibly. They trailed the pale glant as he
were the ple-faced piper of Hamlin, and they were so many charmed
rodents.
We, too, were ons of the rodents. The animated skyscraper paused
in front of a graceful looking blue car, of noble lines, but unpretentious.
Rapping his gnarled cane on the running board, he demanded of the
agent, who ran hurriedly into the scene, the price of such a car.
“Only fifty-five hundred,” grinned the cheerful keeper.
Whereupon the giant fell heavily against the shock absorber.
As we skidded around another corner we jumped several Itnear feet
at the terrifying imminence of a familiar screech. It was the peevish,
disgruntled snort of an auto horn—the kind that seems highly vexed at
the Idea that a hloomin' pedestrian should think he had a right to cross
a street. Oh, well, you can't blame a guy for jumping, whether it's in
doors or out. If a tiger had growled right behind us, we imagine we
would hgvc jumped just the same,
One auto horn company had a very fancy way of impressing the .
staring multitudes by a series of little colored prints, flashing in turn.
Then a g!ib gent stood hard by and invited wondering ears to hold the
receiver close and hear the warning rasp a mile away.
“Whadda yuh mean, a mile away?’ asked a skeptical cuss, asz he
nevertheless adjusted the apparatus to his organ of eavesdropping. y
“Ladies un gelmun,” the sales demon was preaching, “our car is now
at Columbus Circle, coming downtown at the rate of thirty miles per
hour. It is now at Fif-tleth street, and you can hear the horn sounding
lond-er. Still, there ig plenty of time to reach the sidewalk without
danger, provided you are on Lexington avenue. The car is now slowing
down in front of this building, and the horn sounds harshly, no doubt,
on your ear-drum. Stand aside, please, and let the little girl hear’—-
The colored prints, the while, showed terrible pictures of narrow
escapes of people who just missed being run down as the car crashed
madly downtown, either run down or frightened to extinction by the s(
horn. The squawk seemed to be sort of a summening knell which warned
the unoffending populace that it was time either to get off the earth or
in it. Everything was nice and reallstic, except that there was no “‘W@
companying enlightenment as to what system of wireless telephone the
sounds were shoved into our ears. But what's the use of spoiling the
{llusion by asking foolish queries? Let's all believe in Santa Claus. e
Most lamps grew out of the mud guards, like lobster eyes. Inside r;;”
the coupe part, where the lady sits, the little glass vase for flowers “a
been made to accommodate hatpins, if desired. The whiskbroom in maj
door pocket is of Arablan straw this year, not Stberian. The f“
upholstery seems to be mulberry preferred—yes, mulberry. The %
pack seat will hold three in a pinch, but only two in an embrace. =
These seem to be about the only important society notes. _l{
might be added, but our imagination does not permit. v
Over-in the Astor ballroom we found the foreign cars, and
“better sort” of American-made cars trying to hobneb with them. But
the aristocrats of motordom from overseas gavg but scant notice to th '4 ;»_ j
nouveaux competitors. Wop, French and Dutch autos predominate
with on English specimen or two. We approached one intimately, at.
tracted by its swellegance, but a gendarme swooped down on us
said the cars couldn’t be leaned on. So we got a little indignant, ant
refused to buy it. Vi oo
Instead, we hopped onto a Broadway car, and said to the conductor:
“Home, James.” ‘i { L