Newspaper Page Text
THURSDAY, OUCTOBER 12, 1916
BBARON BEAN
MERCIFUL GOODAESS, '| MM\ THAT'S T"’Mmfi\ |
\'s w Fossßla SOME BiD¥ “THERR 'SRIMES* L
7”9&“&1’) YOU 1 \’W WHNO } ‘(me)so AND Aw\ .
PeeD WUPOAI' TIGER STEAK S HIM WHRRE. m_wr) |
RoAsT (E6s OF (EOPARDS (/ Q‘fimv FEROUTY ;
AND SUCH - MYy WHO - ‘
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BERINGING Uy FATHER
& FOR COODNESS
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B MAGGIE - 1M
- <OWN OUT AN’
o C“/,\ S FIX UP THE
5 GARDEN MESELF!
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' POLLY AND HER PALS
| WorriED ABoUT Ror. | | &REAT Glis' HOW
;‘wszooo- HE AT JEXPECT A TFESSIONAL
HET Edodew B FEEO L iy an (MTER To
A MOSQUITO S'JC'Y'- 4 APPETITE Wl A HOUSE
FULL oF WAMMIA 2 ‘
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B v s RIS L o RS
US' BOYS
OH, \VE HEARD APOUT TOUK | | HERMAN RQDAN,
ELEGANT Jaß ! ISN'T THAT J | BuLL FROG SMTH
LOVELY {- AND SO YOURE pumpv IMES
GAING TO GIVE A LOLLY pto&E}'gso c/g ng'h
RAP SOCIAL WHEN Yoo | (RIERCE Dist,
GET,PAID! WELL WELL, | |ik FAGIN.
AND fHO ALL IS SKINKS MULEHAY
INVITED, MAY S oy, HAKS — |
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LOVRTRADE MARK
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NONE GENUINE WiTHauT (T.
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A Good Market.
In full view of the crowd in a very
pusy street, two vendors of berries were
busy with piles of thin wooden boxes,
each scantily filled with immature fruit.
Emptying box after box, the vendors
deftly punched up one layer of the box
hottom to a sharp angle painted in the
middle, propped it there with paper, and
then refilled the receptacle, taking great
care that the finest and freshegt looking
berries should make a showy top cov
ering.
One of the spectators grew indignant.
“How in the world,” he demanded,
“do you expect to sell your wares when
you openly show that they are not what
they seem to be?”
> “Aw, g'wan,’” gaid the vendor ad
? aressed. ‘‘This is New York, and there
~ are more trains coming with more peo-
B s
§
(i GOAT GRABRBERS |
eS¢ & wATTprnsnue THE GINK
M, WHO BUTTS IN AHEAD OF THE
CORE-Y; LINE AT THE POST OFFICE,
HANDS OUER A DOLLAR BILL
AL\ | AND ASKS FOR A ONE CENT
4§~§::-‘.;: ” '.3" 4 sTAMP. OOOOH “7 FROM E.W.
The Truth.
A Southern judge, famed for his se
verity and his uncompromiding loyalty
to the traditions of procedure, had to
try a case in which one of the witnesses
happened to be an actress of no small
‘popularity in the South. It chanced
‘that the nature of her evidence was
such that the usual question about her
age was not likely to be omitted, 80|
when she came to the stand his honor |
told the court clerk to suspend action
for a moment; then, turning to the ac
tress, he said:
“Madame, how old are you?”
“Twenty-six,” sald the lady, who is 36
if ebe 18 a day. 2
“Very well,” sald the judge, politely.
“I asked you that question because, if T
hadn’t, it would surely have been asked
you when the attorney for the defense
cross-examined you. And now that you
have told us your age, do you swear to
tell the truth, tne whole truth and
nothing but the truth™*
n BARDN. Slh, HE WNGW YOU &
JUST (HasTISED, PEEDS LPN THR it
MBATS OF THe MoST FERCQOUS Donrs
ANIMALS , ALD As You ALK
w«iylsazb HIM HES QRY .
o Kvow Üboa WHAT Vou§
PenD WAT You CAw BE S 8 f
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. THIS REMINDS
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Cepyright, 1918, Newspaper Feature Service, Inc.—Registered U. 8. Patent Office.
Great Britain Rights Reserved.
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Town’ A GLASS WSIBLE‘W
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A Retroactive Blessing.
A Boston man tells of an old-time dea
con in Massachusetts known for the
lengthy biessing which at his table was|
the unfailing prelude to every meal. His
hired man, Tom Morgan, an unconverted
and impatient youth, had fallen into
the habit of commencing his meal before
the blessing had been fully invoked.
The frown and rebuke of the deacon
were of no avall in effecting the desired
reform. Righteously indignant, the dea
con at length gave utterance to this
petition to the Deity:
““For what we are about to receive,
and for what Thomas Morgan has al
ready recelved, accept our thanks.”
Checqued.
“My son, I must put a check on your
reckless expenditures.”
“All rgh(, dad, but it will have to be]
in four figures.” y
Copyright, 1916, International News Service.
copyright. 1916, International News Service. Rexgistered U. 8. Patent Office
e ——
MISTER ~WHEN YOU &
ARE THROUGH WORKING T‘SD. A,.MI
HERE -I'D LIKE TO HIRE THIS
YOU TO COME OVER
AND FIX UP OUR PLACE
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KNOWN 7, N
SAYINGS ; (AT
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Women Unsettle a Man, Whether He Hates "Em or Loves ’Em
(ONFIDEATIALLY oLE ;
MAK, -TS STResE ALAS,Tis ) I
DawiGoalt WiMMiK “TRUE |
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Up to Them.
Little James, aged 6, had been taught
to pray each night for all his relutive:]
and friends, and consequently the list
had grown quite large. 80 one night
when it came time for the customary
prayers he refused to say them, ;
“\Well, well, James!'* sald his mother.i
“Why don’t you say them? All good '
little boys say their prayers.”
“Yes, but I'm too tired.”
“Oh, my, that's no excuse. Come
now. that's a good boy.”
Udwell,” relented James, ‘T guess rn
have to, Put, anyhow, I'm not going to
‘pray for everybody. I'm going to cut
a lot of 'em out. Some of em will have
to save themselves.”
e e
Had Some.
“And have you had any experience
with children?’ inquired the woman,
who was about to engage a nurse.
“Shure, Oi hov,” returned the appli
lcant with a broad smile. “Wasn't Oi
wan meself wanst?’
OH! SIR o
\ BEQ YOUR WELL
PARDON - YOU DY QOLLY!
DONT LOOK ! owhLL !
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“Shrimo Isn’t Thinking Entirely of Skinny’s Welfare
Amswen Yo Vyeoterdaue ~ : BM !
HAW CAN YOU SHOOT ONE FROM OLD SETTLER- SEATTLE, WASH.
fF-CDNDRETI_) DZ‘ARES AT ONCE WHY WaULD AN OwL BE SORE |
E INTO A WG, AND CHANGE 0 i
FIRE LA, LA ANG IF YOU CALLED HIM A PHEASANT!
THINI SO MOCH SWE ‘ ;
Wi DONT THIRIC §0 ANSWER To-MORROW . 42
Cause of the Collapse.
The foreman employed by a big con
tractor rushed into the office of the
boss, wild-eyed and palpitating.
“Boss,” sald he, in a greatly agitated
voice, ‘‘one of them new houses of ours
fell down in the nlght!”)fl
“What's that?’ exclaimed the boss,
‘Jumpxng right up and beginning to take
inot!ce. “What was the matter? How
‘did it happen?”
[ “It was the fault of the workmen,
boss.” answered the foreman. “They
made the mistake of taking down the
scaffolding before they put on the wall
paper.”
Good Company.
“lg that little boy 1 saw you playing
with this afternoon a good boy, Wil
lie?”’ asked hisg mother.
“No,” replied Willie, ‘“he ain't much
good, but he's the only boy around that
1 can lick.”
Lucky E;r-the Baron It Was No More
S e TWEIL,
(|5 Tuar LIS'NY THAT
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LOLLY RIPS FOR A DIME '
( DONCHA Knowmm{'.s ) ‘
YO KEEP ON (NUITIN ¥
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In Agreement So Far.
A judge famous for his wit once had
a case before him in which the plain
tiff was represented by a very nervous
young lawyer. When the lawyer rose
to begin his address to the }ury he
gtammered out, My unfortunate
client—"' and there he stuck. He tried
again, and in a shaking voice he man
aged to say, “My unfortunate cllent—"
and could g‘et no farther. Clearing his
throat, he had another try and for the
third time quaverod out, “My unfortu
nate client—'"' and again his voice failed.
“Come, come, Mr. ~—/ sald his
lordship, *“proceed with vour statement!
So far the court agrees with you!”
A~
The Cult of Fashion.
Young lady at the theater, to friend:
“What w 0 you think of this play, my
dear?’
“Why, it's absurd! Three months are
gupposed to pass between the tirst and
second actg, and the heroine's still got
the same bat e=*"
"By George McManus
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AF TER
ALL - CLOTHES
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His Experiment.
A certain college president wore side
whiskers. Whenever he suggested re
moving them, there was a division of
opinion in the family. One morning he
entered his wife's dressing room, razor
fn hand, with his right cheek shaved
smooth.
“How do you like it, my dear?’ he
asked. “If you think it looks well, I
will shave the other side, t 00.”
Where Knowledge Failed.
“Of courge,” said Farmer Corntassel,
“Josh's superior knowledge is a great
thing."”
“Don't you think it has practical
value?"’
“Yes, T supposge it has. But I noticed
| thig afternoon that his bein’ ahle to call
a vellerjucket by his real scientific name
didn't make the critter a bit more so
ciable or forbearin'."
ATLANTA, GA
Krazy Kat
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A Delightful Surprise.
“] was a good girl, mamma,”’ an
nounced Lucille on her return from her
first party, ‘‘and taiked nice all the
time.”” ’
“And did you say something nice to
Mrs. Appleby before leaving?”’ asked
her mother.
I sure did,” sald Lucille proudly. 2t
said, ‘I had a lovely iime, Mrs. Apple
by, and had lots more to eat than ¥ ex
pected.” "
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A Serious Case. :
“You call vourself a heart specialist™'
said the patient when he had recover- f
ed consciousness, :
1 certainly do.” answered the physi:
cian. y @
““Then you ou‘fiht to know better than
to present a btall like this to a man i
my condition PALE B
*’sg}‘-@"-!“