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Pohokus
Items .
OE BASCOMB, our church choir
leader, has started up his sing
ing school again. He was both
ered by a lot of village folks who
didn’t join, but came every session,
but he got rid of them by making
his class sing the “Star-Spangled
Banner” fifteen times. The village
folks who butted in got so tired of
standing up that they had to go
home. § ;
Deacon Tebbits, who is eighty,
&% set mad because they wouldn't
Zvt him enlist, has formed a com
pany of old veterans and is drilling
them in his barn. He calls them
the Home Guard, and after they've
had a few pitchers of the Deacon's
cider they step off mighty brisk.
Sllas Bennett, who mends auto
mobiles in his blacksmith shop,
made ten dollars easy last Thurs
day. A man had an automobile
there the make of “which he “said
was Flivver, and it wouldn't go.
Ben was shoeing Jim Holg;; balky
mare and she kicked the automg.
bile clean through the side of the
ghop. The owner gave Ben ten dol
lars because he said it was worth
it, as the horse did something to it
that made it go all right after that.
Sylvester Cummins, who was
about to take a fiftH wife, has
changed his mind. He says it
isn't patriotic to indulge in nom
essentials these days.
Quite a scandal is goin’ the
rounds about the Widow Chase.
Bhe was seen at church Sunday
wearing a red, white and blue rib
bon, and her husband not dead two
years yet.
Cyrus Folsom is believed to be
corresponding with President Wil
son or some other big gun, as he's
got two letters lately from Wash
ington without any postage stamp
on them.
OM Tightwad Nelson worked all
through the last week in Ootober
writing letters. He says he has
got a whole year’s correspondence
done and this will save him from
paying three cents postage. He
figgers that the war .will be over
and the postage back to two cents
“within a year. -
We hope Mr. Hoover doesn’t find
wut that Mr. and Mrs. Samuel Dut
ton, of Maple Ridge, had triplets
iast week.
Mrs. Hen Witherbee has been
making a round of calls through
the neighborhood because she was
#0 sick last week she couldn't get
to her front windows for two days
and she wants to find out what's
going on.
Hiram Tinker, the traveling tin
smith, was last seen sailing over
Bill Perkinses barn. Bill asked Hi
to solder a Mttle leak in the gaso
line tank on his automobils and Hi
jabbed a red hot soldering iron up
egainst the tank when it was half
full. Bill saved the steering wheal
pnd three tires.
Joe Graham, who has been
working in the city, came home last
week with a bride, his own, to visic
his folks. He got treated quite
cool at the church social last fri
day by our local girls. Serve you
right, Joe, we all belisve ir pat
ronizing home industries.
Sympthetic.
o.\l-'fln dzy atter she United Stxtes
; deciared war Unols Pen, an eld
wmegro, cam® hright smd ssxly te do
iz chores.
‘“Well, Misteh Joim,” he sald, “1
hope youse gwine ter .bs kind te
yore ole Germany now.”
“Why, Uncl® Ben, what are you
salking about? Dom't you know
we're at war with Germany?”
“T knows it; I knows it,” the old
felliow perwisted, shaking his head.
*But suttinly dat cormmtry’ll need
WYien’ now!”
The Rise in Hen Fruit.
THE rise in food prices was caums
I# ing much disomsston in the plao
where they sell refregshments.
“Yes,” said one man, “eggs are
four-penoe each in these parts te
day.”
“Sure, an’ “tis abominable!” said
the man with the brogue. “Whoy,
over in Oireland, where I've just
come from, eggs are still twinty fer
the ghillin'.”
“Exgs twenty a shilling?” cried
the othars.
“Ah! Twinty a shillin”? Bad
juck to the day whin Oi came to
this halfstarved counthry.”
“But if things are as cheap as
that, why did you leave Ireland 7
' “Sure, because Oi never could get
ke gk Ilir'!”
Copyright/ 1918, by Rywepliper Poatare Jorvieq, Tac. Grant Britete rights cwcerved. -
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HE scientists who have been
I burning the midnight socony
trying to outflank the food
profiteers have finally struck the
solution of the whole problem.
They have, according to latest
reports, evolved the food tablet idea
to its highest form. They have in
vented a series of tablets which
take the place of food served in
various form, with such a degree of
success that people will never, even
after the war, go back to the old
fashioned knife for the conveyance
of food into the gystem.
Many years ago food in,tablet
form was suggested, but was not
taken seriously. In fact, it was not
taken at all. People smiled and
said: “Pooh-pooh! (just llke that).
The pigs-knuckles ‘and sauerkraut
will last forever.”- Thege were the
same people who said the bustle
would never go out of style and that
the automobile would not be a suc
cess.
People should live and learn, but
very few of them really do either.
The new breakfast tablet con
‘tains any cereal desired, two three
minute eggs, butterad toast, a fresh
mackarel and two cuns of Java—in
' nmARST'S SUNDAY AMERICAN — A Newspaper for People Who Think — SUNDAY, JANUARY 27, 1918,
Polly—Leave It to Neewah
Solving the Food Problem sy roy k. Moulton
fact, everything but the morning
paper and the family scrap.
The luncheon tablet is made to
suit the taste and the man oarries
it down town with him in his vest
pocket. The wife keeps them in
the sideboard drawer and when
Henry starts for the city she asks:
“What will you have for lunch,
Henry?”
HE present war is teaching
T the use of many articles
hitherto regarded as hope
lessly inefficlent. The most im
portant discovery has been made
recently. It refers to that useless
bulb or globule known as the horse
chestnut.
For many centuries the sclen
tists have worried over the horse
chestnut. They could never make
it fit in anywhere. Nature, nusually
so efficient, seemed toc have been
guilty of an oversight in not pro
viding a function for this beautiful,
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Polly and Her Pals Appear in The Atlanta Georgian Every Day
It Henry prefers Hungarian gou
:esh, she hunts through the goulash
section until she finds the desired
tablet. It contains a clear soup,
the goulash, a head-lettuce salad,
war bread and coffee. The tablet
18 about the size of a dose of asperin
aend Henry does not leave his desk
when he takes his lunch, thereby
saving a great deal of time In which
War a Great Educator
but unambitious, member of the
floral tribe.
Suddenly, about three hundred
years ago, somebody discovered
that a horsechestnut carried in the
pocket would relleve rheumatism—
not cure it, understand, but relieve
it. Since that time many old gen
tlemen have carried them, and in
some cases their rheumatism has
been relieved-—but not by the
horsechestnuts. As a cure for
rheumatism the horsechestnut is
about as efficlent as is a pinch of
salt thrown over the left shoulder
to earn money to buy more tablets,
When he has a customer from out
of town he hands the customer a
tablet and chirps:
“Now, as you were saying about
those doubleply automobile cov
ers——"
The dinner tablet lis slightly
larger than the luncheon or break
fast tablet, being sometimes the
as a preventive of family rows
at the breakfast table. So they
gave the horsechestnut up as a bad
job. It was about as necessary in
the cosmic programme as a lounge
lizard with see-lion halr. ’
But old Mother Nature, it seems,
knew what she was doilng, after
all, and it took the great war to
bring out the fact that the horse
chestnut has a mission. In England
they are using it in the manufact
ure of explosives. It contains in
gredients. Hitherto it has con
tained nothing but disappaintment.
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size of a vest button, the size de
pending altogether upon the num
ber of courses.
The smallest tablet of all is the
banquet tablet, which are to be
passed out at association dinners
and the like. People have grown
accustomed to eating almost noth
ing at these functions. People, un
less they are very foolish or umso-
Everybody in Hngland not other
wise engaged is harvesting horse
chestnuts, and they are being
ground up in great quantities, It
is not known what part of the ex
plosion is furnished by the horse
chestnut, the puff or the bang, but
it furnishes something important.
Now that & use has been found
for the horsechestnut nearly every
thing in the world is being utilized,
The time may even come when
science will discover a use for car
rots and parsnips.
It 1s indeed a great age.,
4
phisticated, never go to banquets.
The tablet, about the size of a plu
head, is quickly taken and does not
interfere with the speakers or im
pede the passage of luminous con
versation to the open alr.
It is figured by the scientist that
a person going to Europe will be
able to carry enough food in an
ordinary $2.76 suitcase to feed
Montenegro and Serbia for six
months.
Another great advantage will be
found in the possibility of hoard
ing & Winter’s supply of food with
out attracting the attention of Mr.
Hoover. It will never be necessary
to use the cumbersome and con
spicuous grain elevators for this
purpose.
A man can take a square meal
clandestinely while in the subway
or the theatre without being called
a slacker. i
Sclentists are playing an import
ant part in the present trend of the
cosmic urge, and this is their
crowning achievement. The only
drawback which they will have to
overcome is the fact that the tab
lets at present cost sllß each to
manufacture—a mere detall.
Heard About
Town
A Safe Order.
AZWHA’I"UL yuh have?”’ sald the
new waltress as she medita
tively rubbed her face with ene
hand and scratched her head with
the other.
“I'll have two hard boiled eggs, a
banana and a cocoanut,” said Mr.
Wise, with a sigh.
He Proved It.
A WOMAN owning a house in
Philadelphia before which a
gang of workmen were engaged In
making street repairs was much in
terested in the work,
“And which s the foreman?” she
asked of a conspicuous Celt.
A proud smile came to his face as
he answered:
“Of am, mum.”
“Really 7" continued the lady.
“Of kin prove it, mum,” was the
rejoinder. Then, turning te a la
borer nearby, he added, 'Kelly,
ye're fired!"
Seein’ Is Believin’,
PAT O'FLAHHERTY, very pal
pably not a Prohibitionist, was
arrested In Arizona recently
charged with selling liquor in vio
lation of the prohibition law. But
Pat had an impregnable defense.
His counsel, in addressing the jury.
sald:
“Your Honor, gentlemen of the
jury, look at the defendant.”
A dramatic pause, then:
“Now, gentlemen of the jury, do
you hbnestly think that if the de
fendant had a quart of whiskey he
would sell it?"
The verdict, reached in one min
ute, was “Not guilty.” )
The Other One.
“CHAUNCEY sald that I was the
only girl he had ever loved”
“Doesn't he say it beautifully,
dear?”
His Allegiancy.
TWO colored men lived in a pre
cinct at Evansville during a cam
paign in which a certain politician
ran for Mayor.
“Who {8 you fo’, anyhow?"’ askad
one of them one morning when hLe
met the other. "“How's you goin’ to
vote in de election?”
“Why, I's fo’ Smith; that's who
I's fo'—and you a’ready knowed it.
Why vou ax me dat?”
“Yes, I know who you's fo', all
right. You's fo' Sale; dat's who
you's fo'”
i( Easy.
As most “fans” know, when the
ball players are South in train
ing seuson, the veterans do not take
many chances with their pitching
arms, but let the rookies instead
use up their energy.
One day, some years ago, when
the Chicago White Sox were play
ing an exhibition game, Nick
Altrock was lobbing them over and
letting the Memphis batters hit at
will, to the great delight of the
gpectators,
“Oh, Nick, you're easy, easy,
easy!” shrieked one wild fan, who
was getting on Nick's nerves,
“I'm not half as easy as you are,”
retorted Aitrock. “You paid fifty
cents to see me do {t.”
W Don’t Blame Him. '
'aTHE papers say the Germans
ere importing great quanti
{fes of enow shovels.” |
“That is probably because the
Kms"e/rr 903 not like the drift of the
we T,
Our
Village
One ot vur restaurants advertises
& genuine Hawaiian chorus. This
is the first time we ever knew
Hawail was on the East Side.
One of our wellknown motion
picture actresses is in a bad way.
Her salary has been cut down to
$1,200 a week dugng the war. But,
a 8 the old saying goes, the poor we
have always with us.
A ship arrived yesterday at a cer
tain American port (name deleted
by censor) from a certain European
port (name deleted by censor) and
as the steamer passed the Statue
of ljberty the passengers cheered.
They said they had had no trouble
since leaving Queenstown.