Newspaper Page Text
Pohokus
Items
BASCOMB, our church chotr
leader, has started up his sing
ing-achool again. He was both
ered by a lot of village folks who
didn‘t join, but came every session,
but he got rid of them by making
his class sing the “Star-Spangled
Banner” fifteen times. The village
folks 'who butted in got so tired of
standing up that they had to go
homa,
Deacon Tebbits, who 1s eighty,
and got mad becanse they wouldn’t
#et him enlist, has formed a com
pany of old veterans and is drilling
them in his barn. He calls them
the Home Guard, and after they've
had a few pitchers of the Deacon’s
cider they step off mighty brisk
Silas Bennett, who mends auto
mobiles in his blacksmith shop,
made ten dollars easy last Thurs
day., A man had an automobile
there the make of which he said
was Flivver, and it wouldn't go.
Ben was shoeing Jim Holt's balky
mare and she kioked the automo
bile clean through the side of the
shop. The owner gave Ben ten dol
lars because he sald it was worth
ft, as the horse did something to it
that made it go all right after that.
Sylvester Cummins, who was
about to take a fifth wife, has
changed his mind. He says it
isn’t patriotic to indulge in non
essentials these days. ,
Quite e scandal 1s gofn® the
rounds about the Widow Chase.
She was seen at church Sunday
wearing a red, white and blue rib
bon, and her husband not dead two
years yet.
Cyrus Folsom s delieved to be
corresponding with President Wil
son or soms other big gun, as he’s
got two letters lately from Wash
}m‘ton without any postage stamp
on them,
OM Tightwad Nelson worked all
through the last week in October
writing letters. He says he has
got a whole year’s correspondence
done and this will save him from
paying three cents postage. He
figgers that the war will be over
end the postage back to two cents
within a year.
We hope Mr. Hoover doesn't find
out that Mr. and Mrs, Samuel Dut
ton, of Maple Ridge, had triplets
last week.
Mrs. Hen Witherbee has been
making a round of calls through
the neighborhood because she was
so sick last week she couldn't get
to her front windows for two days
and she wants to find out what's
going on.
Hiram Tinker, the traveling tin
smith, was last seen salling over
Bill Perkinses barn. Bill asked Hi
to solder a little leak in the gaso
line tank on his automobile and Hi
jabbed a red hot soldering iron up
against the tank when it was half
full. Bill saved the steering wheel
and three tires.
Joe Graham, who has been
working In the city, came homs last
week with a bride, his own, to visit
his folks. He got treated quite
cool at the church soctal last Fri
@ay by our local girle. Serve you
right, Joe, we all belleve in pat
ronizing home industries.
Sympathetio,
ornmw atter the United States
dacfizred war Unaols Ben, an old
negro, cams hright and sarly edo
his chares.
“Well, Mistsh Joim” e sald, *I
hope youse gwine ter be kind to
pore cls Germany now.”
' “Why, Uncle Ben, what are you
talking abont? Don't you know
wa're at war with Germany?”
“] knows it; I knows it,” the old
fellow persisted, shaking his head.
“But guttinly dat comniry’ll need a
trien’ mow!™
The Rize in Hen Fruit.
THE rige in food prices was caus
|4 ing much discussion in the placd
where they sell refreshments.
*“Yes,” said one man, “Bggs &re
four-penoe each n thass parts te
day.” :
“Sure, an’ *tis abominable!” sald
the man wish the brogne. “Whoy,
over in 'Oireland, where I've fust
come from, eggs are still twinty fer
the shillin".”
“Fggs twenty a shilling?” cried,
the others.
“Ah] Twinty a shillinl Bad
Juck to the day whin Ol cams to
thds halfetarvad counthry.”
“But §f things ars 2s cheap 3%
g that, why did you leave Ireland?”
“Sure, becanss O] never could get
O Y
w.muumn—.mg“ Britale vights focorved, "o S oo eca
AD HELL HAIG Rle. BT (HA'E.sTo
q KT Tid BRIy A4D
i lpavk Hm AL Alod
- W W e nouse!
S A A & \
l //]A o ‘‘ ‘
faa 'a R A j
Th & ,«fi\ilms{ "
; ; . ! (’iu.\' | ‘,_.,//,7//’//'/ \
A
Swilen o The How. ELECTRIC
B WOT Tia' Sam [ | ATTACHMEQT AND | wilL
RHLL Acr You amd_ALLtY -
HAMMER I AIAILS |- S =
""& fRMIER. FRY 0 (il =
|H(‘¢ v‘ ‘ :.':I ‘V .:.\1 \\»\l )
il LRI rmm_mmummmm
*Gy 1S T,
o ke, i
AL IS WEE AL
by T, Hou. ) 1o Sw!
8 bTomac Hows EVIRY
b Cve 2 ' LL TRe-
R SRS 2’? ' L
Y LL A 7
?4 }\ ;>~5 \_ )),’
W 2
R - " R 220
; ; . | ase . » £ e
=N, T ==
341 il [ ( 4 \
S Y TN Ab’ Q
@< -tfiifii@fl'&/‘ = ’_\fi,
Youl FWD T, “RxER, ’
TARAPHERAALIA @l
A e PiRLoR., GENTS! ‘%;
PSR p i
Lo S 2) JHows YSELF*
RS (4 %
\?‘\’%j o \/ o <SS
WY (A P
P BV g) 00
VAT R |
(b 2= T " e
s e (A JE T
= / s ’4{’\\‘
HE sclentists who have been
T burning the midnight socony
trylng to outflank the food
profiteers have finally struck the
solution of the whole problem.
They have, according to latest
reports, evolved the food tablet idea
to its highest form. They have in
vented a series of tablets which
take the place of food served in
various form, with such a degree of
success that people will never, even
after the war, go back to the old
fashioned knife for the conveyance
of food into the system.
Many years ago food in tablet
form was suggested, but was not
taken seriously. In fact, it was not
taken at all. People smiled and
gald: *“Pooh-pooh! (just like that).
The pigs-knuckles and sauerkraut
will last forever.” These were the
game peopla who said the bustle
would never go out of style and that
the automobile would not be a suc
cess.
People should live and learn, but
very few of them really do either.
The new breakfast tablet con
tains any cereal desired, two three
minute eggs, buttered toast, a fresh
mackarel and two cups of Java—in
HEARST'S SUNDAY AMERICAN .. A Newspaver for Peonle Who Think .- SUNDAY, JANUARY 27, 1918
Polly—Leave It to Neewah
Solving the Food Problem sy roy k. Mouiton
fact, everything dbut the morning
paper and the family scrap.
The luncheon tablet is mads to
suit the taste and the man carries
it down town with him in his vest
pocket. The wife keeps them In
the sideboard drawer and when
Henry starts for the city she asks:
“What will you have for lunch,
Henry?"
present war is teaching
I the use of many articles
hitherto regarded as hope
lessly inefficlent. The most im
portant discovery has-been made
recently. It refers to that useless
bulb or globule known as the horse
chestnut.
Por many centurles the sclen
tists have worried over the horse
chestnut. They could never make
it fit in anywhere. Nature, usudlly
go efficlent, seemed to have been
guiliy of an oversight in not pro
viding 2 function for this beautiful,
NOSSEAISE! (F Py WVITES ms‘ COURALED W “THE
ToRER, PALS HERE TOMEHT ([ Hladey sere, | Shaw
‘ L JHIM GTH | :
| )gt
‘ e . hb ‘l.’.’.t,
= N 1
|| e ’fi‘fif g I I{“ =
RN e 'lgfl
' K e ‘ '—;';';Q
\R A T
_ft_‘zg'{*?“-‘_“:" i A M l :
T N |
[ AGREE G(Th AXEEY L o
o, s\ Ve SRR\ B
GooSE 1S G’MED Fflo::l s - \é\\ &/'?2‘(
f&fl' Howr ABOUT S « \;\ (}
Tus HERE Y [HOL MUD! oo SN 24\
K WTC““A:? = ‘}i:\l ?fi[fi;fifiunflnnflfiiufli
3 3 Hie——
g‘ 2 =
el ¥ A ALY s Es > 9! I-A..lta-;-..--
= ."///}\: g
MO S
NG [Gress) [AL 15 €eL AOWG
P | S\ TR Aot Polowc
' ; 00/ |Ok TP oo
77 GREAT (uis! HowD |
é / W Frues Giv I
/ FAA g | ‘ ‘
K ~ |
B Teey ‘
b i) B
/? \. ""{"}‘ .'!‘
3 AN\ A T,
— k,’#\ |
AN, Tt ) @
s ’ HAT b 02y
CPREM Lecßac fl I __g :
Aty 1S N,Q:J i
Gy’ Ou A"% A 1
o ? My AERVESY =T A, AN
,{\ _’ " ::&% St §
aml gk
) VAT T
2L A4SO INR T Fr~{ SO e b
Polly and Her Pals Appear in The Atlanta Georgian Every Day.
It Henry prefers Hungarian gou
lash, she hunts through the ‘ouhS
section until she finds the desir
tablet. It contains a clear soup,
the goulash, a head-lettuce salad,
war bread and coffee. The tablet
is about the size of a dose of asperin
and Henry does not leave his desk
when he takes his lunch, thereby
saving a great deal of time in which
War a Great Educator
but unambitious, member of the
florel tribe.
Suddenly, about three hundred
years ago, somebody discovered
that a horsechestnut carried in the
pocket would relieve rheumatism-—
not cure it, understand, but relieve
it. Since that time many old gen
tlemen have carried them, and in
gome cases their rheumatism has
been relleved—but not by the
horsechestnuts, As a cure for
rheumatism the horsechestnut is
about as efficlent as is a pinch of
galt thrown over the left shoulder
to earn monsgy to buy more tablets.
When he has a customer from out
of town he hands the customer a
tablet and chirpsy
“Now, as you were saylng about
those doubleply auntomobile cov
erg—" <
The dinner tablet is slightly
larger than the luncheon or break
fast tablet, being sometimes the
es a preventive of family rows
at the breakfast table. So they
gave the horsechestnut up as a bad
job. It was about as necessary in
the cosmic programme as & lounge
lizard with sea-lion halr.
But old Mother Nature, it seems,
knew what she was doing, after
all, and it took the great war to
bring out the fact that the horse
chestnut has a mission. In England
they are ueing it in the manufact
ure of explosives. It contains in
gredients. Hitherto it has econ
talned nothing but disappointment,
)] A tor T, Swaw e
SM OF ONE DolLarsY A
FRIEAD (ATCumAad HAS L[S, san!
AGREED “To ‘Riodk, Us ¥ REAY
1 HAS (ALLERS' ) \ .
BGu SR Ty N
' '“ JERIUSES |
£l LT Eg\
B gtk - fi = - = )3_:-3
g -:s' “" i{{ o ‘fig‘qyy = - —
A 7 e"/ 7 / 4
TaL 1o Wil [} A
Aoke THE. \’ ‘\ v ey
How, ‘oTomac \" Lo \ \\f /
S 0 € AN VNB
°\ f N 7 R\ \‘ & ///
¥ i \ (_Q‘?‘, /0(
o N R L N \./: &
54 % A‘:. .-g?.“j % N .“
i\’\g._.:*.:. ‘{ < -’r;.,: “ ) 15"/ W
TN S
_é:ij i‘igfif " S
SME WAy AS wwuaemg
oy He STAYED UP oA
“We Rook b Smoxe!y ;
' Surtßu’ o
&'/ ] OfisE
e " = v \ : i
A
PN 0%: L SB 3o
43 AV A<O N N
At hi'" (‘ ‘;:‘ {'j‘\" i \/-’—"- ‘ ‘ ‘;\
¥ TR €sa2 o SNI
N 9',%’”% BT 5 G
W -G F e eSS
,1;\":/&&“‘ sl -~ . Pl
I L i
lausH || |/ q i
T
(ké:l).l:-lr) ?/Zu OF (T Py ® AT ALL
LIKE |o RY four, HOUR®) | was
) %Q :E’,fi AT L Romac.
LV EMIASS « th.. 4 o
p li//// X 'y o
( £ A%‘%g i|h -4
\S 4 -i_\L * " lg'i‘\'q' X J
rEase LR a 2
X J - / ’ /4 - ~;“
\\.\ A 1 // /9/
‘g{ «W i
oy = e b fi’ |
gize of a vest button, the size de
pending altogether upon the num
ber of courses.
The smallest tablet of all is the
banquet tablet, which are to be
passed out at association dinners
and the like. People have grown
accustomed to eating almost noth
ing at these functions. People, un
less they are very foolish or unso-
Everybody in England not other
wise engaged 18 harvesting horse
chestnuts, and they are belng
ground up in great quantities. It
is not known what part of the ex
ploslon is furnished by the horse
chestnut, the puff or the bang, but
it furnishes something {mportant.
Now that a use has been found
for the horsechestnut nearly every
thing in the world is being utilized.
The time may even come when
science will discover a use for car
rots and parsnips.
It is inde:d a great age.
phistfcated, never go to banquets.
The tablet, about the size of a pin
head, 18 quickly taken and does not
interfere with the speakers or im
pede the ‘passage of luminous con
versation to the open alr.
It is figured by the scientist that
o person going to Europe will be
able to carry enough food in an
ordinary $2.76 suitcase to feed
Montenegro and Serbla for six
months,
Another great advantage will be
found in the posaibility of hoard
ing & Winter's supply of food with
out attracting the attention of Mr.
Hoover. It will never be necessary
to use the cumbersome and con
epicuous grain elevators for this
purpose,
A man can take a sguare meal
clandestinely while in the subway
or the theatre without being called
e slacker,
Scientists are playing an import
ant part in the present trend of the
cosmic urge, and this 1s their
crowning achievement. The only
drawback which they will have to
overcome ig the fact that the tab
lets at present cost sll9 each to
manufacture—a mere detall 4
Heard About '
ear out
.
R
Town :
! A BBafe Order. ’
| uwm'r'm, yuh have said the :
‘ new waltress as she medita. :
tively rubbed her face with ome;
hand and scratched her head with !
the other. :
“I'll have two hard bolled eggs, 2’
banana and a cocoanut,” said Mr.
Wise, with a sigh. .
He Proved It .
A WOMAN owning a house tn}
Philadelphia before which a?
gang of workmen were engaged In'
making street repalrs was much in-;
terested in the work, .
“And which {s the foreman?” she;
asked of a conspicuous Celt. :
A proud smile came to his faceas,
he answered: :
*oi am, mum.” .
“Really?” conttnued the tady.
“Oif kin prove it, mum,” was tho:
rejoinder. Then, turning to a la-»
borer nearby, he added, “Kelly,,
ye're fired!” .
Seein’ 1s Belovin®, :
PAT O'FLAHERTY, very pal
pably not a Prohfbitiontst, was:
arrested In Arizona recently”
charged with selling liquor in vio-|
latlon of the prohibition law. But*
Pat had an impregnable defense.:
His counsel, in addressing the jury,
sald: :
*Your Honor, gentlemen of the
jury, look at the defendant.” .
A dramatic pause, then: g
‘Now, gentlemen of the jury, do*
you honestiy think that if the de-*
fendant had a quart of whiskey he
would sell {t?* A
The verdict, reached in ome min.;
ute, was “Not gullty™ ‘
Po— .:
The Other One, :
“C!AUNCEY sald that I was the |
only girl he had ever loved.” .
“Doesn’t he say ft beautifully,.
dear?” :
e ity .
His Allegianay, ;
TWO colored men lived In & pre
oinct at Evansville during a ¢am
paizgn in which & certain politician
ran for Mayor.
“Who lis you fo’, anyhow?™ asked.
one of them one morning when he
met the other. “How’s you goln’ to.
vote in de election? ',
“Why, I's fo’ Smith; that's who,
I's fo'—and you already knowed®it.:
Why you ax me dat?” g
“Yes, 1 know who you's fvf, all,
right. You's fo’ Sale; dat's who:
you's fo'” y
g 3
Easy. :
As most “fans® know, when the;
ball players are South tn train-.
tng season, the veterans do not take.
many chances with their pitching:
arms, but let the rookies ma‘
use up thelr energy. ;
One day, some years ago, m;
the Chicagp White Sox were play-*
ing an exhipition game, Nilck!
Altrock was lobbing them over and;
! letting the Memphis batters hit at:
will, to the great delight of the;
spectators. p
“Oh, Nick, you're easy, easy,.
easy!” shrieked one wild fan, who.
was getting on Nick’s nerves. .
“I'm not half ag easy as you are,”
retorted Altrock. “You pald fifty!
cents to swe me do 1t :
| Our |
Village
| One of our restaurants advertises:
| m genuine Hawailan chorus. This:
| 18 the first time we sver knew:
| Hawail was on the Enst Side, :
— -
One of our wellknown mofionf
| ploture actresses is in a bad way..
| Her salary has been out down to:
| $1,200 @ week during the war. But,-
| as the old saying goes, the poor we:
| have always with us, L :
| —- R
! A #ghip arrived yesterday at a cer..
| tain American port (name deleted.
| by censor) from a certaln Furopean
| port (name deleted by censor) mdg
| as the steamer passed the Statues
| of liberty the passengers cheered. :
§ They sald they had had no troublei
’ since leaving Queenstown., :
| Miss Ruth Law made a fiying:
| visit to this village the other day, -
i Claus is in our midst. He re
' ports his business good in gpite of..
e s ¥