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ohokus _
Items .
E BASCOMB, our church cholr
Jolea.der, has started up his sing
ing school again. He was both
ered by a lot of village folks who
didn’t join, but came every session,
but he got rid of them by making
his class sing the “Star-Spangled
Banner” fifteen times. The village
folks who butted in got so tired of
standing up that they had to go
home.
Deacon Tebbits, who is eighty,
end got mad because they wouldn’t
let him enlist, has formed a com
pany of old veterans and is drilling
them in his barn. He calls them
the Home Guard, and after they've
had a few pitchers of the Deacon’s
cider they step off mighty brisk.
Silas Bennett, who mends auto
mobiles in his blacksmith shop,
made ten dollars easy last Thurs
day. A man had an automobile
there the make of which he said
was Flivver, and it wouldn’t go.
Ben was shoeing Jim Holt's balky
mare and she kicked the automo
bile clean through the side of the
shop. The owner gave Ben ten doll
lars because he said it was worth
It, as the horse did something to it
that made it go all right after that.
Sylvester Cummins, who was
about to take a fifth wife, has
changed his mind. He says it
isn’t patriotic to indulge in non
essentials these days.
& P A
Quite a scandal is goin’ the
rounds about the Widow Chasa.
Bha was seen at church Sunday
wearing a red, white and blue rib
lon, and her husband not dead two
years yet.
Cyrus Folsom is believed to be
torresponding with President Wil
son or some other big gun, as he’s
got two letters lately from Wash
ington without any postage stamp
on them.
Old Tightwad Nelson worked all
through the last week in October
writing letters. He says he has
got a whole year's correspondence
ione and this will save him from
paying three cents postage. He
figgers that the war will be over
and the postage back to two cents
within a year. :
We hope Mr. Hoover doesn’t find
yut that Mr. and Mrs. Samuel Dut
on, of Maple Ridge, had triplets
ast week.
Mrs. Hen Witherbee has been
making a round of calls through
\he neighborhood because she was
to sick last/week she couldn’t get
so her front windows for two days
ind she wants to find out what's
toing on.
Hiram Tinker, the traveling tin
tmith, was last seen sailing over
Bill Perkinses barn. Bill asked Hi
0 solder a little leak in the gaso
ine tank on his automobile and Hi
labbed a red hot soldering iron up
igainst the tank when it was half
ull. Bill saved the steering wheel,
ind three tires. ;
Joe Graham, who has been
working in the city, came home last
week with a bride, his own, to vigit
ais folks. He got treated quite
tool at the church social last Fri
lay by our local girls. Serve you
tight, Joe, we all belleve in pat
tonizing home industries.
Sympathetic.
"N the day after the United States
7 declared war Uncle Ben, an old
egro, came bright and early to do
Is chores.
“Well, Mistah John,” he said, “I
ope youse gwine ter he kind to
ore ole Germany now.”
“Why, Uncle Ben, what are you
uking about? Don't you know
'e're at war with Germany?”
“I knows it; I knows jt,” the old
vilow persisted, shaking his head.
But suttinly dat country’ll need a
tien’ now!"” 2
The Rise in Hen Fruit.
rHE rise in food prices was caus
ing much discussion in the place
‘here they sell refreshments. -
“Yes,” said one man, “eggs are
mr-pence each in these parts to-
Ay
“Sure, an’ tis abominable!” said
te man with the brogue. “Whoy,
rar in Oireland, where I've just
imme from, eggs are still twinty fer
® shillin’.”
“Eggs twenty a shilling?” cried
te others.
“Ah! Twinty a shillin”?. Bad
-k to the day whin Oi came to
half-starved counthry.”
But 'if things ,are as cheap as
at, why did you leave Ireland?”
“Sure, because Oi never could get
s shilin’t® S R e
Copyright, 1918, by Nowspdper Feature Servics, Tine. Groat Diritaln rights rosarwed, S so v sne
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HE scientists who have been
T burning the midnight socony
trying to outflauk the food
profiteers have finally struck the
solution of the whols problem. .
They have, according to latest
reports, evolved the food tablet idea
to its highest form. They have in
vented a series of tablets which
take the place of food served in
various form, with such a degree of
success that people will never, even
after the war, go back to the old
‘ashioned knife for the conveyance
f food into the system.
Many years ago food in tablet
orm was suggested, but was not
taken seriously. In fact, it was not
taken at all. People smiled. and
said: “Pooh-pooh! (just like that).
The pigs-knuckles and sauerkrsut'
will last forever.” These were the
same people who said the bustle
would never go out of style and that
the automobile would not be a suc
cess.
People should live and learn, but
very few of them really do either.
The new breakfast tablet con
tains any cereal desired, two three
minute eggs, buttered toast, a fresh
mackarel and two cu)s of Java—in
HEARST'S SUNDAY AMERICAN — A Newspaper for People Who Think — SUNDAY, JANUARY 27, 1918
Polly—Leave It to Neewah
Solving the Food Problem sy roy k. Moulton
fact, everything but the morning
paper and the family scrap.
The luncheon tablet is made to
suit the taste and the man carries
it down town with him in his vest
pocket. The wife keeps them in
the sideboard drawer and when
Henry starts for the city she asks:
“What will you have for lunch,
Henry?”
HE present war is teaching
T the use of many articles
hitherto regarded as hope
lessly inefficlent. The most im
portant discovery has been made
recently. It refers to that useless
bulb or globule known as the horse
chestnut. .
For many centuries the sclen
tists have worried over the horse
chestnut. They could never make
it fit in anywhere. Nature, usually
so efficient, seemed to have been
guilty of an oversight in not pro
viding & function for this beautiful,
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Polly and Her Pals Appear in The Atlanta Georgian Every Day.
It Henry prefers Hungarian gou
iash, she hunts through the goulash
section until she finds the desired
tablet. It contains a clear soup,
the goulash, a head-lettuce salad,
war bread and coffee. The tablet
is about.the size of a dose of asperin
and Henry does not leave his desk
when he takes his lunch, thereby
saving a great deal of time in which
War a Great Educator
but unambitious, member of the
floral trihg.
Suddenly, about three hundred
years ago, somebody discovered
that a horsechestnut carried in the
pocket would relieve rheumatism—
not cure it, understand, but relieve
it. Since that time many old gen
tlemen have carried them, and in
some cases their rheumatism has
been relieved—but not by the
horsechestnuts. As a cure for
rheumatism the horsechestnut is
about as efficient as is a pinch of
galt thrown over the left shoulder
to earn money to buy more tabletd™
‘When he has a customer from out
of town he hands the customer a
tablet and ckirps:
“Now, as you were saying about
those doubleply automobile cov
erg—""
The dinner tablet {is slightly
larger than the luncheon or break
fast tablet, being sometimes the
as a preventive of family rows
at the”breakfast table. So they
gave the horsechestnut up a 8 a bad
job. It was about as necessary in
the cosmic programme as a lounge
lizard with sea-llon halr.
But old Mother Nature, it seems,
knew what she was doing, after
all, and it took the great war to
bring out the fact that the horse
chestnut has a mission. In England
they are using it In the manufact
ure of explosives. It contains in
gredients. Hitherto it has con
tained nothing but disappointment,
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size of a vest button, the size de
pending altegether upon the num
ber of courses.
The smallest tablet of all is the
banquet tablet, which n're to be
passed out at assoclation dinners
and the like. People have grown
accustomed to eating almost noth
ing at these functions. People, un
less they are very foolish or unso-
Everybody in England not other
wise engaged is harvesting horse
chestnuts, and they are belng
ground up in great quantities, It
is not known what part of the ex
plosion is furnished by the horse
chestnut, the puff or the ban®, but
it furnishes something {mportant.
Now that a use has been found
for the horsechestnut nearly every
thing in the world is being utilized.
The time may even come when
sclence will discover a use for car
rots and parsnips,
It i Indeed a great age,
phisticated, never go to banquets.
The tablet, about the gize of a pin
head, is quickly taken and does not
interfere with the speakers or im
pede the passage of luminous con
versation to the open air.
It is figured by the scientist that
a person going to Europe will be
able to carry enough food in an
ordinary $2.756 suitcase to feed
Montenegro and Serbia for six
months.
Another great advantage will be
found in the possibility of hoard
ing a Winter's supply of food with
out attracting the attention of Mr.
Hoover. It will never be necessary
to use the cumbersome and con
spicuous grain elevators for this
purpose.
A man can take a square meal
clandestinely while in the subway
or the theatre without being called
a slacker,
Scientists are playing an import
ant part In the present trend of the
cosmic urge, and this is their
crowning achievement. The only
drawback which they will have to
overcome ig the fact that the tab
lets at present cost sll9 each to
wmanufacture—a mere detall. T
Heard About
Town
A Safe Order,
“WHAT'LL yuh have?" said the
| new walitress as she medita.
| tively rubbed her face with one
- hand and scratched her head with
the other.
“I'll have two hard boiled eggs, a
banana and a cocoanut,” said Mr,
Wise, with a sigh.
He Proved It. '
A WOMAN owning a house {n
Philadelphia before which a
gang of workmen were engaged In
making street repairs was much in
terested in the work,
“And which {s the foreman?” she
isked of a conspicuous Celt.
A proud smile came to his face as
he answered:
“Of am, mum.”
“Really ?” continued the lady.
“Oi kin prove it, mum,” was the
rejoinder. Then, turning to a la
borer nearby, he added, ‘Kelly,
ye're fired!” .
Seein’ Is Believin’,
PAT O'FLAHERTY, very pal
pably not a Prohibitionist, was
arrested in Arizona recently
charged with selling liquor in vio
lation of the prohibition law. But
Pat had an impregnable defense.
His counsel, in addressing the jury,
sald:
“Your Honor, gentlemen of the
jury, look at the defendant,”
A dramatic pause, then:
“Now, gentlemen of the jury, do
you honestly think that if the de
fendant had a quart of whiskey he
would sell {t?"
The verdict, reached in one min
ute, was “Not guilty.”
The Other One.
“CHA'I_NCEY said that I was the
only girl he had ever loved,”
“Doesn’'t he say it beautifully,
dear?”
His Allegiancy. .
TWO colored men lived in a pre
cinct at Evangville during a cam
paign in which a certain politician
ran for Mayor. J
“Who is you fo’, anyhow?" asked
one of them one morning when he
met the other. “How's you ggjn’ to
vote in de election?”
“Why, I's fo’ Smith; that's who
I's fo'—and you already knowed it.
Why you ax me dat?”
“Yes, I know who you's fo’, fall
right. You's fo’ Sale; dat’s who
you's fo'
Eagy.
As most “fans” know, when the
ball players are South in train
ing season, the veteres not take
many chances wlm‘fir pitcl}ing
arms, but let the rookies instead
use up their energy. :
One day, some years ago, when
the Chicago White Sox were play
ing an exhtbition game, Nick
Altrock was lobbing them over and
letting the Memphis batters hit at
will, to the great delight of the
spectators,
“Oh, Nick, you're easy, easy,
easy!” shrieked one wild fan, who
was getting on Nick's nerves.
“I'm not half as easy as you are,”
retorted Altrock, “You pald fifty
cents to see me do it.”
w Our
~ Village
One of our restaurants advertises
& genuine Hawallan chorus. This
18 the first time we® ever knew
Hawall was on the East Side.
One of our well-known motion
picture actresses is in a bad way.
Her salary has been cut down to
$1,200 & week during the war. But,
as the old saying goes, the poor we
have always with us, . L
A ship arrived yesterday at a cen
tain American port (name deleted
by censor) from a certain European
port (name deleted by censor) and
as the steamer passed the Statue
of Liberty the passengers cheered,
They said they had had no trouble
since leaving Queenstown,
N iy
Miss Ruth Law made a flying
visit to this village the other day.
8. Claus I 8 in our midst. He yor
ports his business good in apite of
tl}e W! A