Newspaper Page Text
- ey
J. Fuller Gloom’s
. .
. Paris Article
Our- Bpecial Correspondent at the
; Peaces Conference,
ARIS, Des, 20—~Today 1|
| P learned the reason why so
many American soldiers are
bdeing hurried home. Thay are sent
bhoms to make standing room In
Franoe for ‘the writers who are
toming over to attend the overflow
meeting of the conference. Kight
* - bostloads of special correspondaents,
artifs, sob sisters and hints-to-the
lovelorners arrived yesterday. ’
All these have personal access to
the Peace Conference if they can
get in. If Versallles proves to be |
00 small they will hold the confer |
enge on the Bomme battlefleld,
which l-llrusnd'dlmtm{d.l
There are plenty of hotel rooms
hers, bt the main aifficulty seems |
obe that thay are all taken. But :
mcmflvlnduphhoptfl!
it he waits t{ll somebody gets up |
snd leaves a vacant spot. !
Genera! Hitemupski arrived heys |
fgom BSiberia to-day with his sait. |
He has only one. He has come here |
to find out what Russia will get |
, out of the Peace Confersnes, The |
optnion fs that Russia will got omt |
of ft and that is all, The general
mYys my-nwmguoum.
foned Winter in Russta and the |
siaying is fine. i
1 can state on excellert authorfty |
that the Swiss delegation to “he |
Peace Cenferemce will demand the |
freedom of the cheese, This is ad- |
mitted on all sides. It is probable |
the confarsnce will lst them hnni
i‘. i
The Mexican delegation is very
much ap in the air. They have been
given an _spartment at the Zop of
the Diffel Tower and will be kept
there mntfl the conference is over,
This fs about the poorest place 1
know of to take up a subscription
so buy & OChristmas present for
Curranza,
It is not at all difficuit to duy
genuine war souvenirs here. Ty
day 1 dought for three francs the
very bullet that killed the ex-Czar of
Russin, Nearly every ons who
comes bers gots one of thesé For
four france 1 bought the pen with
which pas signed the treaty of
Bucharest. Three other gentlemsn
who slept with me in & scow on
the Canal du Nord last night had
sach doaght ome of thess and had
pald five francs for them.
It & person really needs slesp he
ires & taxicad for the night at reg
nlar meter rates, which is seversl
franes cheaper than lodgings. The
Peace Conference shouid rednce the
war dobt of France almost to the
pofet whers i will bocome an asses.
An. actor snd his manager from
Anstraiia have arrived here to have
thelr differences patched mp by the
Peace Conference,
The Bejum of Bajahote and his
retinue arrtved here last night. The
Befum brought with him the famous
Hajahote diamond weighing eight
potnds and fhree omnces, aiso nine
marts of yubles, five kllometres of
pearis snd a scuitle of rare dia
monds. He thought he had detter
bring them with him becanse he
lef? afl his wives 2t home.
The American delegation is eom
fortably established in Joo Mmral's
house, vwhich oweerlooks Paris
There are quite a gaod many things
eDo overiooked, Joe and bis wife
haye gone to vistt velatives, dut lefl
the gue stowe, the dishes end fedr
codk, which was downright nice of
then. 4
Qi DRINK EOT WATER
I S
| says we cant help but look
i better and feel better
i after an ilnside bath. fi
—— | |
g L
o look one’s best and feel one’s
best is to enjoy an inside bath each
morning to flush from the sygtem the
previous day’s waste_sgour fermenta
tions and poisonous toxins before it
'is absorbed into the blood. Just as
eoal, when it burns, leaves behind a
certain amount of incgmbustlble ma-=
terial in the form of ashes, so the
food and drink taken each day leave
in the alimentary organs a certain
amount of indigestible material, which
if not eliminated, form-toxins and pois
sons, which are then sucked intd the
blood through the very ducts which
are intended to suck in only nourish
ment to sustain the body. 2
Jf you want to see the glow of
healthy *bloom in your chéeks, to see
your skin get clearer and clearer, you
are told to drink every morning upon
arising a glass of hot water with a
teaspoonful of limestone phosphate In
it, which is a harmless means of
washing tge waste material and tox
ins from the gtomach, liver, kidneys
and bowels before putting more food
into the stomach.
Men and women with sallow skina,
liver spots, pimples or pallid com
plexion are those who wake up with
a. coated tongue, bad taste, nasty
breath, others who are bofhered with
headaches, bilious spells, acid stom
ach or constipation should begin this
phosphated hot water drinking.
A quarter pound of limestone phos
phate costs very MWttle at the drug
storé, but is suflicient to demonstrate
that' just as soap and hot water
cleawuses, purifies and freshens the
skin on the outside, so hot water and
nmaaéfina bflnhute : on the inside
1/ 4
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2 . M, AND VIGOR. WHICH OALY THAT AJOBLA.
WK (RERSE” (Pon) THe. BoarD, THERR. 1S Joy/ M THE. HOUSE o MoUSE’ Toviewr ——— \NBGE7ABLE CHBESE® CAA MPARY —— |
Laughs at the Keith Theatres
: N BROTHENS
“: hear sn sccident hap
pemed to your brother yestar
day” -
“Yeou, he was kiked by = horse in
ternally
. “Ng, ne. You mesn internally. In
formally menns the regions below,
“That's whare he was kicked!"”
“Pay, snd can you fmagine the day
when we have women firemen? An
slarm s sent in and when the eap
tain learns that it's linxie Bean's
house that's burntng, she'll wmay,
‘Oh, let & burn!’” v
“You've got & vary bad cold, What
are you taking for i 7"
“Make me an offer!” 5
g “Yon seem to know so much sbont
ifood. name three articles that have
starch in tNem.”
' “Two oollars and & ouffl”
, ki
| *"Whe was the new gifl I saw you
ivm: last night?”
| “That was no new girl. It was the
| same one painted over!™ .
i o &
LEMAIRE AND MAYES—
I First Sallor—Who are you?
! Becond Sallor—l'm the lookout,
[ Wrst Sallor—You the lookout?
' Second Sallor-—Yes, suh, Ab lnok~
| out tor mahself!
Choice Wit Daily in The Atlanta Georgian
_ FBARST'S SUNDAY AMERICAN — A Newspaper for People Who Think — SUNDAY, JANUARY 26, 1919,
Krazy Kat
“Smart? Ah shonld say Ah am.
Why, the other day the captain say»
to me to\ take dat dore aeroplame
apart and put it together again, and
when Ah gets finished Ah have ten
parts left over, dat’s how smart Ah
am. Man, Ah's got too much bmins
for one man. Ab ought to linmcor
porate!”
- - .
LEW DOCKSTADER-- ’
Just look at Willlam J, Bryas. I
oall your partionlar sttention to the
jay! There's & man who has wind
power. He's been running for twenty
years without stopping. You can't
beat him but once in four years,
But just think of the Kaiser. He
has 498 uniforms. He's all dressed
up and no place to go. Why, he's
sven afraid to come out. And he's
ltving off a friend. Panhandling,
that's what he's doing. Why, he's a
bam! Then there’'s the clown quince,
They ought to lock him up in the
sutomat and not give him a nickel!
It was on a Thursday that Wilson
signed the Prohibition bill, I remem
ber the day, and on Friday he told
us that he was going to leave the
eountry |
I predict that the candidates for
1920 tn the Demoeratic ticket will be
efther Wilson or McAdoo, with Gen
eral Pershing on the Republican
ticket, and now‘w-fio—l“
Easily Migsed.
“'rHIY'VE put the price of beans
up at my restaurant, Have,
they at yours?”’
“No; but I've noticed lately that
they leave off a bean.”
BILL'S OOMPLETE WORKS.
‘ By Himself.
While I'm resting here In Holland
(Buch a nlce secluded nook!)
Guess | might as well get busy ;
On my conterrmplated book.
1t will keep me out of mischief
While I'm hiding with the Dutch,
aAnd ! think that | can make it
Just as funny ss a crutch.
| shail have It bound In buckram,
And 1"l sell It for a song,
8o the next war lord who follows
My advice canhet go wrong.
| shall tell him how [t started
Mow | stacked the cards to win;
Then "Il tell him how It endel,
How | barely saved my skin.
Yep, this book will keep me bu-y,l
And I'mt mighty keen to try It,
Though | fear when It s printed
There will be ne fool to buy It
For & ghost that stands beside me
In the sllence of the night
Seoms to whisper that the hangman
Wil read proof on what | write.
By Herriman
Some Futurist Definitions
NEL HOUSE—A Maxim silencer wearing a mussier; » feathe
‘ falling on velvet; a sphinx in a felt hat.
Henry Ford—A cracker-box on wheely; a six-dollare-day pay en
velope; a political magician who has misplaced his rabbit. 3
Clemenceau—A tiger-skin rug on a slippery ballroom floor; a French
accent with gestures; a diplomatic jack-in-the-box
=~ Lloyd George—A brush with wire bristles; s “stop-go” traffic sign
for the British Parliament; a tight-rope walker over the Thames.
Lenine and Trotsky —A teeter on the back of the Russian bear: a
vacuum open at both ends.
Willtam Jennihgs Bryan- A freesflver stickpin on a bonedry shirt
front; a chautaugna salute from Nebraska; a mule in hobbles.
Carranza—A csotus in the underbrush; a tox\\a&r with both prms in
& sling; & hot tamale on loe,
Joe Cannon—A stogle with a frayed end; a suappirff turtle on a milk
dist; a back number of, the Congressional Record.
Wilhelm-—A poison weed pulled up by the roots; an fron cross left
on the ocar tracks, .
Crown Prince—A straw left over from yesterday’s locecrsam sodag
a German silver-mounted walkingstick,
Herbert Hoover—An adalt Childs restanrant; a fisld of corn with
red, white and blue sars; & cornucopia with a Yale look.
Willlam Howard Taft—A toy balloon in e silk hat; a full moon on
the half-shell; a problem play for suspenders.
Secretary Danlels—A ocork out of & grape-juice bottla; a turndown
collar standing at emse; a homespun tarpaulin,
ILa Follette—A pompadour with g natural wave of indignation; the
lining of a froek coat; a shorn lamh,
Liebknecht-—A semaphors with the red light showing; the head off
of a damp match; a German heaaache the morning after.
President Wilson—A birrh rod in a velvet socket; a tabletapper at
~ the peace seance.
© New York—A head-waiter polishing a dime, & tarxicab lazzing on
asphalt; an artificial Ohristmas tree all lit up. -
Philadelphia—A tired business man on Sunday: a Quaker bonnet on
& chorus girl; a tradition put away in moth balls.
Boston—A pair of shellrimmed glasses in a silver case; am English
. aocent gone to seed; a cup of tem, iced and unsweetened.
Just for Fun |
STRANGE EXPERIENCES.
OUND » barber who did not fill our left ear with lather to be &tpped
F out and used as needed. He had sothing to say about the Pemce
Conference. He was deaf and dumb, 3
Saw a show the other night in which the heroine and the hero did
not fall in love. "Phey were supposed to hiave beem married before the
show started. -~ ™ -
Attended a movie few nights ago, and the heroine wept, but no largs
tear the size of an English walnut rolled slowly down her nose or took
s dlagonal southwesteriy course acroes her cheek. The country is surely
going dry. .
Attended a vaundeville show where not a single artist pulled the ne«
Joke about Napoleon having the cooties because hia pictures alwaye
showed him with his hand inside his coat
Bolshoviki soap box orators seldom use the oontents of their
platform. \
- . .
DO YOU REMEMBER THE GOOD OLD DAYS WHEN—
Sau) was free with the purchase of one beer?
- 2 .9 9
Thank goodness there will at last be an end to that wise crack abou!
water being used only to put under bridges. :
. 98
“Separated ten years, wife now secks divorce. - Headline
Looks like she wants to m1.k.0 l,.he .sopl.utlon permanent, eh
THE LATEST FASHION MINT.
Blackjacks are beiug/wom on the head’
- - -
DO YOU REMEMBER THE GOOD OLD DAYS WHEN—
Enough beef stew for a family of twelve sat mother back just thirty
cents?
- - »
What's the gense of making & resolution this year? Nobody will give
you the customary compliment for your display of will-power after July i
That ia, of course, if you last that long. .
- - -
That ol gag sbout Little Red Riding Hood carrying & large gob of
butter and & blg chunk of cake to her grandmother is great stuff, We
believe lit, like it and recommend it. But can you imagine a mother of
to-day trusting her daughter one step outside of the house with that la)
out {n a basket, and butter at eighty cents s pound? It would be another
oase of, “fburteen detectives are now Investigating the case.”
- - .
Our conscience is clear We have drunk Wheoxis coffes and helpe
1o win the war
- . .
' Mosaic Edict Against Swine.
A GREATLY respected Philadelphia rabbi was about io’take his seat i
a Chestnut street car when an agile draft-age youth “beat him tu
it* by slipping sinuously into the vacancy.
The rabbi must have expressed a slight annovance in his feaiurss
for the young man added insult to injury by saying, with cool effrontery.
“What's the matter with you?! You look as If you wanted to eat me.”
Tho.b-hhgenqewv-wtflmm
“Yeu.” he answered quietly, “but I am forbidden.” ;
/
Not in the Family,
Tflm:xd.mflntnmmfimflmm”flwmu
listed darky was not saluted. Belleving that the neglect tn saluting
was due to lack of instruction, he called the attention of the man's cap
tain to the matter. The captain had the dusky solMier drought befors
him snd asked him if he did not undersiand the regulstions about saluf
ing, to which the ebony one replied: !
“Yes, sah; I knows "bout salutin’ and I salutes you and Mars Jim and
Mars Tom, but they's one man about this here camp with a couple o' tin
chickens on his shoulder atryin’ to dalt us niggahe an’ #e next time |
sees himn "se goin’ to tear dem right offen him *
Who Oounld Blame Hilda?
Amm}l’mhduhumlw.mmm
soldiers who had rscelved her fovitation through the War Cmmm
Community Club. During dinner the hostess was very mueh annoyed by
her Swedish maid. Every time rho served the boys she burst out gigyling
Unable to stand it longer the woman followed her hato the kitchen andi
demanded:
“Why, Hilda, what do you mean by Insulttng voy guests ta this man
ner? 1 can't understand "
“Ob,” glggled Hilda, “one of tam soldiers dan my fellow ™
Tonight! Take Dodson's Liver Tone!
Better Than Calomel For Liver
Calomel sickens! Ts bilious, constipated and head
achy.read my guarantee. ‘
Listen to me! Take no more sfck
ening, sallvating calomel when bilious
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work!
Qrulomal is mercury or qun\sllver.
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Ca'omel, when it comes into contact
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. -
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.
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3 ’.
P )
Fod o Y
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= . JORE |
& L G,
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Women Delighted-—All Surprised v
Qulek Action of Parisian Sage
It's amazing how much pretty hair |
does toward producitg the appearao®e |
ful tonight, and if it doesn't straight -
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you to go back to the store u.ng get.
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I guarantee that one spoonful
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Giive it to your children. It is harm
less; doesn’t gripe and they lke its
pleasant taste - Advertisement.
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v matter of care 5
When your hair becomes faded, dry,
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It's guaranteed to abolish dandruft
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A massage with Parisian sage 8
real dslight ueul“yd.;lo '\:3o. not sticky
Or greasy, ocately “
an antiseptic liguid free from WA
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night-—a little sattention wow '
beautifel ale Ao Sesre »