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Coffee and Cakes
By C. B. Quincy
Greenroom Local No. 1. '
H, the ingenue had eyes of blue,
O As big around as platters;
And the villain trig, who smoked 2 cig,
Had the crowd as mad as hatters,
With phoney smile and cunning wile
He'd lured her into peril: F
“Alone at night, I've got you right,
And now you're mine, me girril!”
*Unhand me, sir; you're but a cur, 4
Thus to address a flapper!”
He MNfts his mitt (I'll bet a jit
The skunk s going to slap her).
Mame and her chum fofget their gum
And gaze In chewless wonder—
A raucous shout! “Down props! Walk out!”
The cast has struck, by thunder!
. . 5
Ad of small safe for private house says it affords “security for your
silks, wines, jeweiry, lingerie, beverages and other articles of real value”
We don’t care sqy much for the silks, jewelry and lingerie, but otherwise
it’s a sensible list. / : ;
- . .
Westfleld, N, J.—Bemi-country house for sale :
Should be just the thing for a semi-commui+
- L -
Broadwayite with slight zigzag told a taxi driver to drive him around
the world. A few years from now if the young man gives the same order
to an airtaxi the driver is likely to take N‘- at his word.
g - - .
Machinery in the Home.
(From the Volters Home Tipster.)
? ~cuious devices for saving labor in the home nave recently
been putented
POTATO PEELER—A three-ton tractor will furnish ample power for
this useful machine, which has a capacity of flve potatoes a day. A sta
tionary engineer should be employed to run the peeler, although the
bouseholder is likely to find the engineer more transient than stationary.
PANCAKE FLATTENER-—Nohing is more annoying than bumpy
pancakes, which will not lie flat on the plate. This handy little Pancake
Flattener will punch the most stubborn pancake into submission in ten
minutes. The machine can also be used for turning codfish into flounders
or driving spikes into eoncrete.
SBAUCE MIXER—A boon in Summer. Wlill mix s»!2d dressing to
perfection, and, being constructed of cast-iron on a granite base, should,
#f properly cared for, last several seasans, With, the aid of an inex
pensive attachment the Sauce Mixer may be adapted for mixing mortar,
dates and metaphors.
. . -
It will make a lot of citizens awful mad to learn that the Republican
managers won't accept more than SI,OOO from any one subscriber,
. . .
The Four Seasons.
Fall, Winter, Spring, Simmer.
. L .
In Portugal mall carriers deliver letters in church, thereby saving
themselves a lot of ‘walking. Perhaps Mr. Burleson could be persuaded
to try this plan with telegrams.
- - -
Lady writer deplores the rudeness of English prospectors in striking
ofl of purer quality than that found in Texas. BShe thinks persons are
swiully crude if their oil isn't.
-L. . -
Telegram says “delegation of Letts want Lettonia separated from
Ruasia.” Their national motto is, “Letts go!™
. - .
The Plunger. . f
He is
| Sore as a boll;
' He
Fell for of}
- . -
Authorities are trying to make Mexicans wear their pants when doing
@& pasear on the main street, but the peons counsider it vulgar to flaunt
their wealth in publie.
. . -
Canadian explorer says that cows if kept ia the North will grow
eoats of fur. And supply ice cream?
On the Sick List
Bolshevism is a disease —General Hugh L. Seott.
COW, Rusela—(Special Dispatch) —The epidemic of Bolsheviem
here is rapidly approaching a crisis, and dootors scarcely are
able to cope with the situstion. The authorities bawe ren short
dmmnomuumnwu.mm,.m_
In the poorer sections of the city conditions are most serious. One
man, who has been in a critical condition with double Bolshevigm, es
caped from his nuree and ran through the streets tn his red flannels,
Another victim of this dread malady tried to turm his family into s
Soviet and seriously insured his wife and motherdn-law.
One man, who i Dot expected to recover, was found chewing a red
flag. He was placed in an isolation hospital, and a technical charge of
chowing the rag was piaced against him. His case Is complicated by the
fact that the flag wes not made of fastcolor dye,
Dr. Treatemkindsky, who has made a thorough study of the diseass,
says that its ocourse cannot be checked without a mation-wide eampaign
of mental fumigation. Small capsules of gray matter are being Aistributed
to some of the lighter cares, and in a few instances hopes are held ont
for recovery of the viotims. Put the majority of cases of acute Polshe
vism, accompanied by Imbecilitis and inflanmation of the ©go, are re
rulting fatally. One oure which has aroused much attention, and which
may lead to the discovery of an effective means of stopping the sproad
of the spidemte, resulted from liberal applications of gunpowder to the
affected parts. This treatment led to a speedy recovery. (At any rate,
there was no question about the speed.)
Dra. Lenin and Trotsky, who have assumed oharge of the situation,
express thamselves as hopeful. o a bulletin lssued at midnight they sald:
“Everything-—and everybody -is being done. The people are re
quested to observe the following simple rules in this emergency:
“Sleep with your door uniocked and your mouth shut
“Eat little or nothing : -
‘Avold sudden exposure, such us stepping into a bathtub
‘Be cheerful; be hoodwinked; be darned L& 7. I 8
COURT JESTERS. ' “No, dear lady, Nevertheless
*Does any king at the present these are times when monarchs
ttme keep a court jester?” have to Keep their wits about themn
CHOICE BITS OF WIT EVERY DAY IN THE ATLANTA GEORGIAN
_EEARST 'S SUNDAY AMERICAN — A Newspaper fo}l_’eople__\Ehoh']"hmk- SUNDAY, JUNE 15, ]S!]fl;j_
*JUAR® IS AMONGST S,
E 7 N JUNE* MOST WONDARIL
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WHICH CAN /N 4 MEASIRE. ExP(AW Mis HIDNAPPAG SCENE — :
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“,a ol QJI‘« oy s LAggwRDS BEEN) AROUAD THRRE
s e E S F s TR Al G’ REAT, Ao
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MRS | R e S
- ' » cosiiiin .~'
, ° H ERR sAw m——
THE REAL GOODS,
The cabby was brought before
the magistrate for using violent
language to a lady.
“But she ain't no Mdy,” he pro
tested flercely.
“Indeed!"” sald his worship, and
do you know a lady when you see
one?
“Of course 1 do,” Indignantly an
swered the man. “Why, only the
other day 1 saw one. She gnve me
a pound note for a shilling fare and
walked away. “T mum,’ I ealled,
‘what abart yer change?” ‘Don't be
a blinkin' old fool,’ says ghe, ‘keep
it, and git drunk enough to kiss yer
mother-in-law.’ ' Now, your wor
ship, he ended triumphantly,
“that's what I calls a real lidy.”
EVERYTHING PROVIDED,
The evangelist was entreating his
hearers to flee from the wrath to
come, .
“1 warn you," he said, “there will
be weeping and wailing and gnash
ing of teeth'”
“Sir" ghe Interrupted, “1 have no
teoth."”
“Madam,” sald the fivungeunt
sternly, “teeth will be provided,”
Krazy fiat By Herriiian
Beauty
BEAUTEOUS wmalden 1s my
A Grace,
Her cheek 18 l'ke the rose,
And wl.en | kiss her lovely tace
| get a bright red nose.
Aud when | plant upon her lips
A smell salute and chuste,
The Mp-stick that she uses lnaves
An unromantic taste. ;
If love is going to keep right on,
There's one thing that 1 hope,
Aad tha( i# that the drug store folks
Will change their brand of dope
For every time | kies my girl
And add some eheerful hugs,
I swallow, In muy boundless joy,
Nine different kinds of drugs.
80 mino Is but a sorry lot,
And mournful is my place,
I must become a drugfiend Jjust
Just to kiss my darling’s face
And when my friends walk slow
behind
This stark and rigid frame,
And scatier flowers upon m( bler,
Just say that I died game.
A\D WIDDA | Go To SEE
GOBST THEE | "Igmaz ’C'I;Im
.“; BB‘I%PUL HUSBAND -
UAE , ‘hRAzY °
. MRs MICE”
9
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~10 HAVE Him COME. “IRAZY | BLUT fEs
HOME MRS MICE 7 IN “HARRY WUPAS °
- Poor PARLORS, AAD
ARUSHT CAN
DRAG AIM
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A Few Undiplomatic Notes
UT, if they do place the ban on tobacco, we can
B keep right on smoking the kind of cigars we
have been getting sinee the war started.
Arry Awker demonsgtrated bow a hero can trans
form himself into a zero in a threeminute banquet
speech. il
To build a modern superdreadnought, it would take
& good many cigar coupons, but we haven't figured
out just how many.
Colonel House never has anything to say. And 1t
is just barely possible that he really hasn't anything
to say.
With Germany the old dotted line has taken the
place of the Hindenburg line.
It all the asparagus grown in this conntry in one
year were lald end to end, it would reach from Chl
cago to some other town,
There is hardly anybody who cannot remember two
og three of those originsl fourteen points.
The season for indoor tan will ‘end on June 30 this
year,
AND WHAT A IT WAS /A JUAE*
MARYILLIS TIME THAT HE
T 13 %00 DOUSHT /)
~To SEEir A ME - )
HUSBAND = \
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a &
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" ¢
Oue editor wants to know if women are Inferior to
men. To decide that question, the editor should got
married.
The ice famine for this Bummer having been ac
cepted as a fact, it Ils now time to begin worrying
about next Winter's coal famine.
It is sald that very msoon “hops across the ocean
will be common.,” Perhaps, but they won't be com
mon here after July 1,
It 1s hard to balieve that clvilization is advancing
when we read that a genius out in Ohlo has invented
& new Winter onlon,
One proprietor of & chain restaurant has labelled
his phg:o “The Hat and Overcoat Exchange."
Never hear anybody mention the Ultimate Con
sumer any more. The poor old bloke has probably
passed away.
If Lloyd George has missed anything that England
needs during the course of the conference ne will
probably ask for it later.
“JUNE 1T WAS WHEA )~
JOE OTORK ™ BROUSHT To
(ME "THESE .My
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174
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MRS MICR” - W
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o~ JUNR Sick ”
SOULS To GEDDA - 0
AH- M6~ @ { I@"«;n.
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m o 5 o *
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. -
Cupid’s Tips
HE osculstory exchauge Is
T brisk,
Park benches preferred is
up several points. Favorabw
weather conditions are belleved to
have had something te do with the
rise,
There Is & marked upward trend
in the solitaire market, with plenty
of takers,
Byron s extensively quoted
the amatory exchange.
Ministers are profiting with the
upward swing of the matrimonial
market, o
Porch swings and hammocks are
way above par, and & number 3f
young men have gone to “pa” In
pome Instances pa has ..T -
bullish tendency, resulting a
slump on the eurb,
Plenles, common and preferred,
are being rapidly oversubscribed.
3E