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Coffee and Cakes .
: By C. B. Quincy :
Greenroom Local No. 1. .
H, the ingenue had eyes of blue,
; O As big around as platters;
And the villain trig, who smoked & .cig,
g Had the crowd as mad as hatters.
With phoney smile and cunning wile
’ He’'d lured her into peril: . )
“Alone at night, I've got you right,
And now you're mine, me girril!”
*Unhand me, sir; you're. but a cur,
Thus to address a flapper!”
; He lifts his mitt (I'll bet a jit
The skunk is going to slap her).
Mame and her chum forget their gum
And gaze ih chewless wonder—
A raucous shout! “Down props! Walk out!”
The cast has struck, by thuader!
L L -
Ad of small safe for'private house says it affords “security for your
ellks, wines, jewelry, lingerie, beverages and other articles of real value.”
We don't care so much for the silks, jewelry and lingerie, but otherwise
it's a sensible list. i
. . .
Westfleld, N. J—Semi-country héune for sale
Should be just the thing for a semi-commute’
. . . :
Broadwayite with slight zigzag told a taxi driver to drive him around
the world. A few years from now if the young man gives the same order
to an air-taxi the driver is likely to take him at his word.
B . -
/ Machinery in the Home.
(From the Voters' Home Tipster)
.ai ingenious devices for saving labor in the home nave recently
been patented
POTATO PEELER—A three-ton tractor will furnish ample power for
this useful machine, which has a capacity of five potatoes a day. A sta
tionary engineer should be employed to run the peeler, although the
householder is likely to find the engineer more transient than stationary.
PANCAKE FLATTENER-—Nohing is more annoying than bumpy
pancakes, which will not lie flat on the plate. This handy little Pancake
Flattener will punch the most stubborn pancake into submission in ten
minutes. The machine can also be used for turning codfish into flounders
or driving splkes into concrete.
SAUCE MIXER—A boon in Summer. Will mix salad dressing to
perfection, and, being constructed of cast-iron on a granite base, should,
if properly cared for, last several seasans. With the aid of an inex
pensive attachment the Sauce Mixer may be adapted for mixing mortar,
dates and metaphors.
a . ks
Tt will make a lot of citizens awful mad to learn that the Republican
managers woa't accept more than SI,OOO from any one subseriber.
. - -
The Four Seasons. .
Fall, Winter, Spring, Simmer,
* - *
In Portugal mall carriers deliver letters in ehurch, thereby saving
themselves a lot of walking. Perhaps Mr. Burleson could be persuaded
to try um/- plan with telegrams.
- . .
Lady writer deplores the rudeness of English prospeetors in striking
oil of purer quality than that found in Texas. She thinks persons are
awfully crude if their oil isn't.
. . .
Telegram says “delegation of Letts want Lettonia separated from
Russia” Their ndtional motto is, “Letts go!*
’ - a -
The Plunger.
He is
Sore ae a bofl;
He i
Fell for oil
. . -
Authorities are trying to make Mexicans wear their pants when doing
& pasear on the main street, but the peons consider it vulgar to flaunt
their wealtlh in publie. g 4
. . .
Canadian explorer says that cows if kept fn the North will grow
esoats of fur. And supply ice cream?
.
On the Sick List
Bolshevism is @ disease.—General Hugh L. Scott,
» Russia— (Speetal Dispatch) —The epidemie of Bolshevism
Nflumldbwmhmxnflmmmmm
able to cope with the situstion. The authorities have run short
dnflqmthomd-“nmcmuhm’m-m
hmmnm-umommmm“mm One
-ln.whobub«nhnmmummmmnom
aaped from his nurse and ran through the streets n his red flannels.
Another victim of this dread malady tried to turn his family tato a
Soviet and seriously injured his wife and motherdn-law.
Ome man, who % Dot expected to recover, was found chewing a red.
fiag. He was placed in an isolation hospital, and a technical charge of
chewing the rag was placed against him. His case is complicated by the
fact that the flag wae not made of fast-color dye.
Dr. Treatéankindsky, who has made a thorough study of the disease,
says that its course cannot be checked without a nation-wide campaign
of mental fumigation. Small capsules of gray matter are being distributed
hmdthllntwmu.wdlnammltamubopummou
for recovery of the victime. Put the majority of cases of acute Bolshe
vism, accompanied by imbecilitts and mflammation of the eROO, are re
sulting fatally. Opne cure which has aroused much asttention, and which
may lead to the discovery of an effective meana of stopping the spread
of the epidemic, resulted from liberal applications of gunpowder to the
affocted parw. This treatment led to a speedy recovery. (At any rate,
there was no question about the speed.)
Drs. Lenin and Trotsky, who have assumed eharge of the situation,
express themselves as hopeful. In a bulletin issued at midnight they sald:
“Everything—and everybody-+4s being done. The people are re
quested to observe the following sirple rules in this emergency:
"Sleep with your door uniocked and your mouth shut
“Eat little or nothing
"Avold sudden axposure, such as stepping into a bathtub
“He cheerful; be noodwinked; be darned L &T, Ltd"”
COURT JESTERS,
*Does any king at the present
time keep a court jester?” |
CHOICE BITS OF WIT EVERY DAY IN THE ATLANTA GEORGIAN
“No, dear lady. Nevertheless,
these wre times when monarchs
| have to keep their wits about them,
HEARST'S SUNDAY AMERICAN — A Newspaper for People Who Think — SUNDAY, JUNE 15, 1919,
" (FJNE® 1S AmoNesT Us,
£\ OUNE® MOST WONDARIL
g 2 3 OF MONYHS -
, Z;f‘" MAATH OF PRIDRS,
= AND BRIDE BROOMS
=S Y
- (AND WAS 1T YES Hoazy (T WAS -
TUANE WHEA OPRING (4AY OVER THE /AAD
4e FOUAD Og Ay DSEAMS arE 4 <
ENEDI( oON *~ |
v —~\ NE CAME -
3"TR ‘.\ g:.
| \ o
A i g g@io
ve & 5 fll‘.“, 'l\Y.... ;v bbd Sl R
e ' o
m | ‘MILTON:' /MARSHAL )
: L AND IRVN& — /
) HERR ;
Y N /—%J
- P |
_— oS PR —
R R TR L 8 .»‘-“‘Ea'“:‘“f'."&f AB oA o K WL "')-A?,: ffi = ..“ N T JUNE, lonaT
- . ~"; 2 ‘prnd, \_ /ARy Wi '7l‘.&.’ ] }‘» " 3 ,:‘ %,Vl‘ 3 5 ‘“?' ;':_ .',:._“\:," :.‘ x wNE W\TH 11_5 ‘
. ARRY WUPH o £ ?J £AR NEGIC AND (TS BB
Bt AV & _z.é [ o SEART R R Lk MEDANSS .50 g
Poot & BiILIARDS b s AR S 0 il DNt - \ GClta
AT s QAOLAL\L
ARG Y | i - . B o NG e
o {+' 5 W A .?“-s«' @ el e Wr—— .@‘Sa
=, S T i | ").";l -~ . - (e }j{,o. el
5§ ". - :'___(:, -> — § t__f 3 o (_7‘ =é e ’:} ol 4 i “.;.’g
TP A !yy'gggu.s.iz’«——f‘—“h- . 0 g - —%, %,,,,
Pal n "W N
e o e - b (‘)l*. M > o
= ol iee DO oA T i A LA LPUAR .. .
WHICH CAN N 4 MEASIRE. 2xPAW THis HIDNAPPAG SCENE. —— |
q
sy
THE REAL GOODS.
The cabby was brought before
the magistrate for using wviolent
language to a lady.
“But she ain’'t no Ndy,” he pro
tested flercely.
“Indeed!” said his worship, and
do you know a lady when you see
one?
“Of course I do,” Indignantly an
swered the man. “Why, only the
other day I saw one. She guve me
a pound note for a shilling fare and
walked" away. "1 mum,’ 1 ecalled,
‘what abart yer change?” ‘Don’t be
a blinkin' old fool' says ghe, ‘keep
it, and git drunk enough to kiss yer
mother-in-law.” Now, your wor
ship,” he ended triumphantly,
“that's what I calls a real lidy.”
EVERYTHING PROVIDED.
The evangelist was entreating his
hearers to flee from the wrath to
come,
“1 warn you" he said, “there will
be weeping and wailing and gnash
ing of teeth” ’
“Sir,” ghe interrupted, “I have no
teeth.”
“Madam,” sald the evangelist
sternly, “teeth will be provided.”
‘ Krazy Kat By Herriinan
Beauty
BEAUTEOUS maiden 1s my
A Grace,
Her cheek 18 I'ke th. rose,
And wlen | kiss her lovely tace
| get a bright red nose,
And when | plant upon her lips
A small salute and chuste,
The lip-stick that she uses leaves
An unromantic taste,
If love is going to keep right on,
There's one thing that I hope,
And that is that the drug store folks
Will change thelr brand of dope.
For every time I kiss my girl
And add some ohflorm!'hun.
I swallow, in wy boundless joy,
Nine differont kinds of drugs.
80 mine is but & sorry lot,
. And mournful is my place,
I must becoms a drugfiend just
Just to kiss my darling's face.
And when my friends walk slow
behind
This stark and rigld frame,
And meatter flowers upon my bler,
Just say that I died game
TR e :
i g?c: The LAg{I;L()RDS_ BEEN) AROUAD THREE
PRI Tl T/ves fOR His JUNE” REAT. AW g
(P RIR T \OU Dis IT Up, SCOUADREL !t B
i) ‘—\&, (S PREES CIRaEs Hor 92 S r i,
E(L o i | PR
- - \ |SR
3 il
J R .
.L X 7 il 'Q" ALy
s o Ny et ENE
Sy L]l i ey
K"’ ;\0 & - -77‘ iw £
Lol sl M
- o \r
. ° HE&Q l~‘l Aw e ]
UT, if they do place the ban on tobacco, we can
B keep right on smoking the kind of cigars we
have been getting since the war siasted.
Arry Awker demonstrated how a hero can trans
form himself into a zero in a three-minute banquet
speech, il
To build a modern superdreadnought, it would take
& good many cigar coupons, but we haven't figured
out just how many
Colonel House neyer has anything to say. And it
s just barely possible that he really hasn't anything
to say,
With Germany the old dotted line has taken the
place of the Hindenburg line.
It all the asparagus grown In this country in one
yoar were lald end to end, it would reach from Ghi
cago to some other town,
There is hardly anybody who cannot remember two
or three of those original fourteen points
The season for indbor tan will end on June 30 this
yoar,
A\ND WIDDA | Go To SEE
GOEST THEE , sz’ Hm
s Beaurru | VL SO
JUNE DAy ;g
: fßazy
MRS :}MCE,’
"
”,‘4.“"' "“f\v / - é.!.g'
~—— (5‘%
LT
S eA R R P T Rl
.‘ . ‘ \ w"\ \\‘.‘\\\\ \ i meD ME— . JUNE F
i DR S B, BN WE WED — S
' AWV )
RtV ey AV)
/léq’/? . ‘) ‘“ &0@ ;
| % &
ot e a cIY <
AnD would You (ke | WOULD /AIDEED,
-0 HAVE Hlm COME “(RAZY | BUT HEs
HOME MRS Mk 7 IN “HARRY WUPHS °
: Poor PARLORS, AND
. S NAVSHT CAN
; PRAG Hlm
> | M_
i= ) A
A ,//,f’)‘r',"" > A 0 A
O gg@g Ly
R "% Ak = VO ] . _!‘ l"'(' :
A Few Undiplomatic Notes
AND WHAT A" IT WAS A JUAE*
MARY ILLIS TIME “THAT HE
it I 8 7100 - OOUSKHT /
~To SEEBik A ME. - ;’n//‘///
Huseann -/ | [4/\
‘\‘.;(!:\i-»j
. b M
VS 1 ER
i /';';"4,',- «f‘ fr Q
0o v MAMESES/, <.\_’.~‘é4q§ N s
One editor wants to know if women are inferior to
men. To decide that question, the editor should get
married, ’
The ice famine for this Summer having been ac
cepted as a fact, it I 8 now time to begin worrying
about next Winter's coal famine.
It is sald that very soon “hops across the ocean
will be common.” Perhaps, but they wou't be com:
men here after July 1.
It is hard to belleve that eivilization Is advancing
when we read that a genius out in Ohio has lnvented
& new Winler onlon,
One proprietor of a chain restaurant has labelled
his place “The Hat and Overcoat Exchange.”
Never hear anybody mention the Ultimate Con
sumer any more. The poor old bloke has probably
passed away.
It Lloyd George has missed anything that England
needs during the course of the conference ne will
probably ask for It later
“JUNE" [T WAS WHEA
JOE STRKK ™ PROUGHT To
(ME TTHESE . My |
"‘\(UswELs -
//'» # \@’ @'o
A ¥ o
” fi:' il -_—3‘ -'.tfl'
oV GO RIGHY E
MRS MICR” -~ WL
GET M OUTNOZ
’ ERE. |
Q% OIRRLE
’; .
—— ‘A;’
AH-H , 0FF1554 PUPR’
| HAVE JusT BRoUGHT |
“Two " JUNE Sitk © s
SOULS To GEDDA - Ol
LR E) 6
), o 41 /_‘ y
» v o ‘
|,3‘.if %fi?z X
’(g'/} ll’
. .
Cupid’s Tips
HE osculatory exchange I 8
T brisk.
Park benches preferred Is
up several points. Favorabe
weather conditions are believed to
have had something to do with the
rise,
There s & marked upward trend
so the solitaire market, with plenty
of takers.
Byron is extensively quoted =
the amatory exchange,
Minieters are profiting with the
upward swing ot'tho matrimon.al
market,
Porch swings and hammocks are
way above par, and a number o
young men have gone to “pa” Im
some Instances pa has shown a
bullish tendency, .ronmu in »
slump on the curb,
Plenfes, common and preferred,
are being rapidly oversubscribed.
3E