Newspaper Page Text
" (I &7
- ¢ 7% o RSk ) 2 -o: 3 > , B e < 3’- \("\" ol | " 2 &
T W O WC G SN |H e [ eSN PR VA < <
\AP ENESS ‘Q \~ }\ J é‘lC\\@° & Dos BNE AiS ADE.,
\ G 53?\-\\\33‘ v\-\ VAR fi‘ <,»‘_ -G § i ;’,“oi \/A7 \) .’fu& N c-}f >\\\ = o fl e |.BEY AGA/NST HIM,
. é l‘»‘ ‘\(‘_ -f 'b,A{Lo|) v3oy ( - hraghs Nl oT/ Vi J![*"\’V«' ‘.:.‘;;: b 5 ,Q ',’/,/I/" %{ R T T “4- et Ma? LOfiTSAu. ok i
RUN " 0 A‘,“." TR, e A -v. i " “._‘_‘_“_:.__.;.‘_—‘_:; g — % m—‘ == A p ’ 4 CE'rT -l
——— '_.j{ - W (62 e—o et 2, % <57 .nm MAY “THE EIEADS
—— — o v le v se ™ e & . S I e UL SEND HIM, THR
s W v Bsss oBVe e faen | |l\ Low CRESTURE || |
nE SRR eYF. L To Tg el es B e e
Y o)y b MG TT2 D b=7o W S
’ f = B ’_\/ RTR 78 ,’f’,” Bz e (Lo .
-l (Dl QAR o '
e ieS I P |e,s s o Anne Tan
o— ~_ ut- FT e ""”'."f“;n:*'h POUPIFE v /"“f"{/ 008 . T T -'p B YA\‘::’) VBVHO &ESEES g@ ogfl)& ’
“Krazy FAT” WiNS THE. (DCONINO® GAS STAKRES /Al HIS ‘IOO WATPOWER [WN Two PABELINE | | Bito Wiho RasSES ogr OELUR ,
: T 0 THE WILD ACCLAM OF THE. SOVEREIGN CITIZEARY OF THAT (OCALITY ===
SBAOR. GATO LOCO , - e :
UG Posk kB2 ShAND 1R AT G 327 T 2 i : :
EET Bez LIAE A ANGEL : -‘F’:j“ q
ANONG ZEE SKRY-. Ao - soy TLEI) ol {
. ,/ '{
) : Aq‘ e
9’ P it { !&L 0, fotde i\ %
. SR o WSt 1L o C - \eN 2T (L. /A
7 O 4 v&p" 4 v 0 ';/*'// ' 3 B . ;.;? ’A%z{ ke <7
. " %’D v : f’/;; . L v’Q .fl:’{%(//;///’ g ' L %fR/ .¢ 0 /é—;_:;' ‘/’i-'.-sfi .
fffl) o/ ,7%G \} N “Y,,,. ~fi/, / '\r‘ //// 9 "A/.“ E:_-“» 7 z“z %
(A = W, o e
_@é:— g 2 ’_:, - ég ' e . Lei (@ ;‘.;3".:/4 5:/
L / l. o) e 2 ? - — 2 4 \®) A TU ¢ #
e g g o s gk z eTlb, V/
S.s: v R : ]
& ’ . ‘ AAI Lmk WELL UPM-rHE W'MRDW . ’, fé’ 0
- W cnes Danrto MOLES"’F% aga%g‘fg? VfiM:@%«?&b % “THE MASTER. = TIME , TIDE, AIOR. AN -~,
Q)f ii“l%%\m&&%a?fifcé’ “TODPEPPETUA‘ré A BSTONR EVERIASTAG, . C;?NA /vmqu%%’ fgfi. v“xm-sml‘?' )gS e &
, THe HLAssIC fTONTOUR OF 'ng HERO OF THAT AmAziNe Houw . i DRe S MWIMORTAL,, AND Preavar % e 4
g OB A 0 Ml T oLN LB I b T 0 o, L R e
R A Re T s B B R NN Ao S RIEE G o R LD el
~a AIGHT. AS NIGHATS DO, OBFUSCATES OUR PROSPECT . AAD WE ARE AloAd WMH ITS SHADOWS. ITS WRAITHS, AAD Its PHaaltoms — YEZZA,
- A . - : oe =N ==/ AU~ [ean As =
\’3262’2‘#3"@” AR RgTR R | SHAU SRRIT N *T'i:*?—;- ~THe Poor DoDo ‘= ‘
REVEAGE - o Y @ Him, AND WHBN . 0 e As—=—\ SHOWNG OFF - \
A iy " 0 ) FIND AIM, | === =MI ‘
A Timt's A ¥ WL DESTROY —-—-i"“j-_fi'; == SWEWED UP Uhe
‘0 Qfi) & Him - - — = =—=w—_ Es—— A BlLlmp — |
2\ - o= ¥, y——————
: 3o v LT P e s</7 |
~ - g - —~—f ; : ' "‘L ¢fil l i;“ o= -> .. h .
!fimn MOUSE/B AURSES A MBA HEARY, - : ek orr s P s =
MARRS PAD MEDICINB-. W e ”
e A SouL (ADBA) WITK BVIL IATBAT E 2
. HE_FARES FORTH ATTO 7HE AISHT w= mafsmyw wsmwvln% ofi,a Sess ‘
“THE HOUR OP MAuca,m MALIGAITY, Ko 30T T Hb SBES YHAT AL Sses. * ‘
>-, =it .= |
ra s AN :
=s A NTTPRENTVE ",“-?"w», o NN e RRPLIA - ' o AH_IGNATZ “ HAS
"llz'.' g S '/,‘ ) "f;‘;i~,o‘"‘l TPA WHO B'DSME Amc. ‘ 00 BEEN HERE i
- - R AT THIS _UNhoLY ;J/// a 6 = LiC [FONOKLASH.
OPBA), KBLLY “CPEN QUICK OUN RELLY\ Houß., “T'is For A 0 Am RIGHT HERE DEAR PIFPLE (WE'D yé” ) A
LF mwx{’r I‘2\s HOI{>PULL Dsmsn W BRI gggb P't_:!g&oési :lU. Mook RaTAER ?‘;u?’wm THE. (HASTR. 2 9/?,/‘? "
RDES Ty ; ’ ’ S ,OR myea v X ’ .// 4, P, : "
Mm’\uuc\\s-- 1, Pit RUSIABSS .IS Dzs»&»o A AICE STAWED WINDOW /A ,//, ‘,,/ :/, \ 2N > o 8
HURRY !!! () L e BUSIWESS. f= A (HURCH "THAN _STOOP T THE % Vi = . s T
50. BN \ ~ ’ INELEGANCE. OF DEPICT/ING “THE. S ) W 37 [l fbay 5y o I-(
SR (L 1N "QH‘I""Z;' i SCEAB- OF ORLIATION , AND RAVAEE : 7 & \ e
‘¥ PP Lldanl [ B n“il"""“ WHICH FOUOWS © Bur WE DRAL —_— > O on 1%5 %y
, DA (v ol ([l I\ ONLY ' GEATLE HUMOR® AUD WITH THE- e (¥4 h bn S\ ARI T )@ YW
| e e el” e FORTITUDE. OF RIGHT WE PASS OA) w ev\ g e ‘,7;» N "
‘ f A N g~y Wit UNBLEAMISHED BSCUTCHEOA . AT Q2D B, (e SEa
P (AN n | - L r’z// GEAH’ lTy T . iw . 'i’;\,' fiw iy, e
\ O | W’xn e MAINTAINING OUR w e DSI GnA S g
- Pl il '” [ Tha BND. PSO o <
—~et g i B w’ R ‘ o) “ . & D e O
'o - cHiE se ] 2F a@ oo \\ ‘ ; W OUR. STORY. SAY THAT L
v¥ o "T R fififim&fi_ ] ,/A ",’ e Jl, e-r%‘;?\}\’})u: gg@g\zwfi&,&/‘;b ANow WE ADD. AICR x\guss.
’ e O Lk NN, b 72 ot i R CAN ARITHER MAR AR SCAR TS ADAMANT/AB-
Ts il wE O RTTEE - aembn R L gy’ : -Ak REAUTY Sames o BUr, SHUX, WAy REPEAT e=s
SR v i " i TT R ei N
HERE {s one rule in mathe
I matics which nearly every
body in' America belleves in
and practises—
Viz.: “A beeline is the shortest
distance between two points™
Personally, we've only come in
contact with a bee once. On that
occasion, it wasn't the bee, but us,
~
In at the Finish, |
ASKIT’I‘——WML a long neck Hlul
Lanky has. Did you ever se)
her in a low-cut costume?
Tellitt—Yes Once.
Askitt-—~What did she look like?
Tellitt~-Bhe looked as though her,
dressmaker had her skinned a mila, |
A——— i
Doing & Man's Part. |
“qu‘l‘ are yon doing for our|
cause?” asked a suffragetie
worker, :
“Doing?" replied the man "l‘m!
supporting one of your most en.
thusiastic members.” ’
Laugh on Your Way From Work .Over' a Page of Fun Every Evening in The Atlanta Georgian
Krazy Kat
Short Cuts
that made the beeline. And there
was no doubt about it being the
shortest distance between two
points—one of the two points belng
the bee's, and the other being the
beeveedee's.
Nothing is more popular with the
average individual, however, than
the beeline; that is to say, the
short cut. If a landscape gardener
lays an artistic winding path, every
one ignores it and cuts across the
grass. Every vacant lot has a well:
defined diagonal, Every public park
has grooves to prove that the man
who lald out the pavements was all
wrong.
In education, all you have to do
is announce a lhO{t cut to some
thing or other, and folks will flock
to try it. A man who has spent
thirty years with the English lan.
guage and still murders it, about
five times a day, will expect to
master French in five lessons.
A woman who bangs her halr
AEARST’S SUNDAY AMERICAN — A Newspaper for People Who Think — SUNDAY, AUGUST 31, 1919..
every night and her plano every |
morning will grab a short cut and |
expect to sit on Paderewsk!'s stool, |
now that Paderewski has gone lntoj
Polish politics. l
Another woman with a straight
up-and-down silhouette expects, af-|
ter taking three development exer-|
clses, to be qualified to step lnto’
Annette Kellermann's lhooo—gr
tights. :
A man who has spent ten yuul
losing his hair hopes to restore the |
crop with ten applications to his |
glistening dome. l
You can become a millionaire I!\‘
your spare time, if you can just
epare enough, and a rich relative |
leaves you $009.908 when he dies
You can become an artietic Ro
hemian, If you take a short cut to
Greenwich Village and avoid a hair
cut,
You can eniov a fashionable oper
ation if you will gu the hospital
and let the doctors make a llofl‘
eut to your appendix.
By Herriman
Hot Weather Friends--Camera Crazy
NE of the most discouraging
O “things about Summer is the
person who has & camera
and a fixed purpose. You can never
put much confidence in just what
the camera will do for you, but
you can always count on the per
gon's fixed purpose getting you in
the end. In fact, that's just what
his fixed purpose is—to get you in
the end. '
The tactics of a camera manipu
lator are rather simple when you
come to analyze them, but they are
none the less deadly. Usually his
plan 18 to torture you for from flve
to ten minutes, and then when he
gots you into the position where
the effects of the torture are most
pronounced he snaps you. And
ever afterward he has the evidence
against you
These camera persons are car
rlad along in every known kind of
plenie, -outing, exeursion or house
party. When you first meet them
it s difficult to detect their true
purpose in life. They appear nor
mal, they talk Intelligently upon
general topics and they seem to
have good standing In the com
munity,
* But just when the party has
reaiched what we sometimes call
the apex of enjoyment this camera
person suddenly disappears from
the group, only to return in a few
moments with the fatal black box
in his hand. Then you sece the
flend In his true colors—but it is
too late. :
The camera owner hunts around
until he finds a spot where the sun
is brightest, and then he manipu
lates the various members of the
party ihto position, making certain
that the sun will shine ' directly
into the eyes of every ons con
cerned,
He Inspects the assortment of
humanity through the lens for a
moment and then begins to make
suggestions to improve tPo en
semble. One person is told to
smile, another to take off his hat,
another to take off his glasses, an
other to cross his legs, another tol
put Mis arm around so-and-so, an
other to squat tallor-fashion, an
other to close his mouth and an
othér to take the clgarette out of
his mouth. Generally speaking,
this process varies inversely with
the sizo of the camera; that Is to|
say, the smaller the camera the
greater the agony. .
At last, however, the stage di
rector has exhausted his rescurces
and presses with his trigger finger
upon the lever which completes the
operation.
A week later he sends yon a
print<f the damage. Every one in
the group looks terrible, but there
is one who looks positively in.
human. That's you.
The Weekl ise of '
, y Cruise of
th ip News
e Good Ship N
By J. J. Leibson \
HE powwow for 4 world-wide peace .
T Left Europe far from restful;
. Those Bolshevistic birds increase—
Just now they’re quite a nest full. o
And Wilson’s labyrintfiine League,
With all its luring mazes, .
Reveals the lairs ;
Ot deadly snares,
Despite his pretty phrases.
: The striking spirit’s everywhere;
: It struck the pilots of the alr,
The railroads and the' factories,
o The theatres and actor-ies.
The German Prince denies reports
Of plans to deanl in pottery;
. And high finance $
In thrifty France i
Will float a loan by lettery.
Egyptian princess seeks a man i)
| From those of Uncle Sammy's clan, A
And China’s fear of shrewd Japsn :
Is growing. '
Virginia boasts a talking hen;
Rumania's training fjghting men;
And cheaper ice is prom{Sed—when
It's snowing. 5
The Greaser. in the light again,
I Is spoiling for a fight again.
The Germans’ rald -
i s On Chile’'s trade
!s just a scheme to knlife us.
Kid Kun, the battling Bolshevik,
Is running from the Allies’ stick;
' And they in Omsk,
. Tobolsk and Tomsk ;
Are dying of the typhus.,
Commission finds that living’s high;
But lays the blafhe on ‘those who buy
For letting profiteering pi- & P :
Rates bleed 'em.
And in a southern calaboose
They turned a cage of jailbirds loose; .
It eost the warden like the deuce
To feed 'em!
From the Diary
of a Plain Man
T has always been a wonder to
I me that some kind angel does
not come along and hit a man
in the head with an ax before he
does some certain things, thus sav
ing him a lot of suffering after
ward.
I declined the honor with great
finality when the committee came
and asked me to be toastmaster at
the chureh banquet, but commit
tees have a way about them that
can hardly be denled. The mem
bers told me, collectively and In
dividually, that I was the only man
{n the entire city who could do the
job all up in pink baby ribbon and
deliver the goods. They said more
nice things about me, right to my
tace, than a Congressman can say
about himselt in the Congressional
Directory. They spoke of my ap
pearance, my prominence in the
city and my fine shape and my
pleasant yet forceful voice. Ten
minute before 1 had not had any
more idea of becoming a toast
master than 1 had of driving a
team of goats through the maln
business thoroughfare of Bagdad
on a moonlight night with my hair
in & braid and a pink parasol over
my head, but I fell. Adam did, and
Adam was Ome of my ancestors.
During the ten days which were
supposed to elapse between that
time and the banquet I had no de
sire for food of any kind and I be
came morose and melancholy. 1
couldn’t sleep more than two hours
of a night and I lost welght so fast
that my physiclan shook his head
and advised a sanitarlum where
the rates are $8 a day and upward.
1 had a plain case of buck fever
and longed to disappear and go to
some foreign country and resume
business under an assumed name.
1 was in a blue funk and 1 wrote
that speech over nive times. When
I read it to my wife the last time
,she sald it sounded worse than
when | read it to her the first time.
She sald it was about as humorous
as Marc Antony’'s fugeral oration
over the body of Cesar. She ad
vised me to copy one out of a book,
and | did, sitting up all night three
nights for that purpese. 1 got so
I conld rattle it off with about as
much feeling as a waltress orders
roast beef and brown gravy or
roast pork and apple sauce |n a
country hotel.
I found myself repeating snatches
of that speech at all hours of the
day. I tried it on every one in our
office building, and the on]y one I
got a laugh from was the janitor's
wife, and she said she laughed be
cause | looked so funny when I
was delivering the plece.
The morning of the banquet
dawned and found me with un
closed eyes. It was this morning,
to be exact. 1 had grated between
chills and burning feve? all night
and my nervous system was as
much of a wreck as a railroad that
has been juggled on the stock mamr
ket for nlnotoqn years.
I crawled to my office this morn
ing in a state of utter collapse. I
had not Leen so {ll in twenty years.
When the committee burst in
upon me at 10 o'clock 1 wag ready
to .ull the ambulance and deliver
myself over to the authorities at
the insane hospital.
“We are very sorry,” sald the
committes, “but the banquet has
been postponed indefinitely. The
advance sale of tickets was so
small that we have abandoned the
scheme entirely. Some other time,
perhaps, but not now.”
1 hugged those three men. I jab
bered !lke an insane chimpanzee
and I slopped over with exceeding
great joy. The committee looked
at me askance and departed sud
denly. To-night 1 leave for the
sanitarium. Anybody who comes
to talk banquet with me in the
future would better bring a shot
gun or he will play the star part
in a'henious crime of which I will
be the perpetrator.
The Heartless Corporations.
AN official of a New York life in
surance association tells of an
incident that came within the ex
perience of one of that company's
adjusters, )
A small pollcy was due a woman
by reason of her husband's death.
As there were certain formaliities
of an unusual sort connected with
this case, the adjuster called !n
person upon the widow to hand
over the sum due. When these for
malities had been met and the
money had been paid, the agent
took occasgion to say:
“l am very sorry to hear of your
misfortune, madam.”
Whereupon the woman's eyes
flashed, and ¢he responded:
“Ain't that jJest llke you insur
ance men! You're all the same—
always sorry when a poor woman
gets a chance at a little money!™