Newspaper Page Text
6
Diary of Girl Who Killed Herself Bares Workings of Love-Hungry Soul
|
First Sections of Remarkable Document, I’nb-’
lished Following Young Wife's Suicide, Shows|
How Separation Started.
Continued Frol;“l;evé; 3
‘way. Last Sunday he semed to,
love me quite as fiercely and de
_yotedly as a masterfu! mate should.
Poor boy, he is ill and cross some
times, and I fear I forget often to
make allowances, »
~ His mother, dear little woman, says
there must be two beare in our home
~bear and forbear. God knows we
‘both try,
~ December 2—This a. m. we had
words about money. I wish we could
‘Dot have a single cross word.
SHE WORE HIS CLOTHES.
. Monday, December 4-—Up early,
Norm home at 1. Works tonight. Aw
fully lonesome for me. I put Norm's
clothes on for first time. 1 make a
fine boy.
Friday, December 8-—Forty cents
ear fare is prety stiff, but it brings
jga kid home to me nights for six
‘hours or so anyway, and then he did
‘not go to work tonight,
- Baturday, December 9—Gave Norm
$2 and he got a derby; he looks fine.
Awfully happy.
- Tuesday, December 12- -Norm home
%t 8:30. He slept till 3 and got up
ke a bear. He is breaking my heart
by his cross words and indifference.
Every harsh word sets a gulf between
‘us. 1 don't love my boy less, but [
- ¢an not love him more, as I should.
. God, please wake him up, Make him
considerate all of the time. Is
because he is ill that he grows ‘
brutal, or am 1 to blame? Oh,
know I must be wrong, but if so,
why does God let me live? Life seems
unbearable. If things don't go better
#oon, something will happen,
TWO MONTHS MARRIED.
Last night we went down to Norm's
‘gmmer'u for dinner. Father gave
‘him five. The little mother 18 so
thoughtful. I would like to leave
after dinner, but Norm always
‘wants me to play, and then 1 grow
: . Letter from Dad. Norma was
‘ and I actually went out of my
- Bunday, December 17.—T'wo months
ed. Seems like two years in a
Wway and two hours in all other ways,
Norm expects to be kicked out of the
Gas Company by the first. They
want only college graduates. God love
my boy! Oh, but he is so good to me
‘now. Mother got me shoes, corset
You Men Who Pay 50° to 75°
Here are those very grades— P
every sock perfect—every sock "f’ »m
guaranteed full seamless—and N (7
E *
very Pair "
Reduced to |
L o
To persuade a man to buy these socks at this price would be an
injustice to the socks and their makers. Therefore, we are not going
to urge you nor anybody—we are simply telling you that
We Will Put Into This Sale Tomorrow 100 Dozen Paurs at
’
Less Than Today'’s Cost—
and you can doubt it or you can believe it; but it's a fact, and any
schoolboy can verify it. All standard makes.
We repeat that they are perfect and fast color—and we offer you
five different popular colors to seleet from—Black, white, cordovan,
gray and navy blue. I'ull seamless socks, perfectly washable—and
reduced for this sale to less than today’s cost.
Limit One Dozen Pairs to a Customer
‘ The @i@b@'
THE ATLANTA GEORGIAN ¢@ ® A Clean Newspaper for Southerr. Homes ¢&« ¢ THURSDAY, MARCH 18, 1920.
and feather for Christmas,
Sunday, December 24.-—~Norm slept
till 4. T worked hard. Am dead, His
Uncle Palmer iand his wife came.
When 1 got dressed uncle never took
his eyes off of me. 1 like them. The
baby is cute antl they are real llve
people, too, even if they are Randalls,
We had our first turkey. Then to a
restaurant. Badenocks were there
and a Mrs. Brewster, who kissed me
under the mistletoe, We had high
balls, my first drink., Norm says I
was full, but I wasin't. 1 wWish his
mother could have seen me. It would
have made her happy to have con
firmed her evil opinion of me,
TOOK A WALK CHRISTMAS.
Christmas—Norm and I took a walk
to his mother's, We played and sang
for some people there.
Darn it—anyway. I am not stuck
on that. I was just chuck full of
things-—1 should not have been—and
I broke loose this morning. Norm
was sore, but T can’'t help it. T am
tired of behaving like a stuffed angel
around his parents. Wish we were
out of town, so all we could do is to
write to our relatives,
Saturday, December 30.-—-~Norm,
home early, was happy to see me in
new dress. I will always try to look
nice for him. A woman must dress
for her husband, not her women
friends,
Monday, January 8-—Downtown
looking for work. Norm can't sup
port us, d
Thursday, 17-Three months of
marriage. We are happler than we
wera and don't have words over tri
fles as before,. Thank God I am
much happier now. It takes time
for two young people to know eacn
other. /
Sunday Janvary 20.—~Norm and 1
had words about going to see his
folks, who think I am working at
Field’'s and feel proud of it. I told
him they did not come to see me
while I was ill. Norm told me that
‘hereafter when he goes to 5008 he
will go alone. 1 can't be as good as
I pray to be. Oh, God, make me not
‘hasty in speech or deed. 1 was il
still, we went for a short Wwhile,
‘Now T am to stay in bed all the time.
Somehow Norm was kind to me, and
il s oo
1 know he loves me. My boy works
g 0 hard. Even last night I loafed
in bed while he got dinner. Lord,
love him, help him, protect him. I
can’t let Norm gee this. He calls it
“goft talk,” but it is not half' what
is in my heart.
HER TWENTITTH BIRTHDAY.
A gray and white kitten came to
the door. Norm let it in, and it
seems the cutest, most lovable, good
natured little cat T ever saw. Well
trained, too, which is very im
portant.
February 12-—~My twentieth birth
day. Norm and I are awfully happy.
I am well now and must drink hot
milk te put some fat on me. Sister
Cora gave me her black velvet suit,
and mama gave me two walsts. My
boy gave me twenty of the sweetest
kisses, on eyes, lips and hair, this
morning before he left. Thank you,
(God. I am so happy Jjust because I
have Norm. He just gained fifteen
pounds. I'm afraia or this swelling
pride.
February 22--1 have gained two
pounds. Aunt here from Peru.
Giave us fifteen berries. Five came
from grandpa. T bought a nice rug,
a belt strap and two brown rag
rugs. Norm brings home lovely
things to eat.
Monday the bunch was here, but a
young girl, inexperienced as 1 am,
doesn’'t get much credit for entertain
ing and giving a good dinner. They
seem to think it very natural that I
should, Perhaps, reéemembering my
mother. No wonder every one loves
her.
Sunday, March 3.—My boy's twen
ty-firat birthday. We have been hap
py this week. Norm is the dearest,
sweetest hoy in the whole world. Oh,
God, how I love him. He is sleeping
row whila I write this, and he looks
a 8 innocent as a baby, and he is.
March 18--There have been big
changes since 1 wrote in this book.
Got job folding circulars at $7 per
Tomorrow I go to Henry's for a new
job and incidentally more money.
Poverty is hell, My husband has a
hatred for work. Oh, Bluebird, where
are you?
“DO WE NEED A CHILD.
April 21.—~Norm and 1 are sitting
here wondering what to do. We
haven't even carfare. We've de
scended to thievery. Picked up some
canned goods, spoons, glasses, chop
suey dishes and anything else that
was not nalled down whenever we
got the chance. 1 quit work three
weeks ago. I am queer and differ
ent toward Norm now.
April 22.—Mother's birthday. Norm
and I have decided we are altogether
indifferent toward one another. I
wonder just how my life with him
will end. Something is missing. The
way he speaks of his father and
mother makes me feel like a thief
(which T am not) or a convict, or
most anything that is not good
enough for his father and mother,
Last night we sat in the dark and he
opened up on the grandeur of his
folks. 1 don't like my mother-in-law
any better than she likes me. I hate
her., Bhe is mean and despising—
hateful and whining and spiteful.
Mr. Randall is fine and if anything
Money
Back
on
Request
happens to him his wife will never
live where I do or even near me.
Norm is on to her, I think, just as
I am, only he won't own up.
I wonder why Norm and I don't
get along. Do we need money, a
child or simply to be rid of his folks?
It seems to be that if we lived far,
far away where we would run less
risk of seeing Mrs. Rowe we would
be happy, though reduced to poverty.
Her everlasting complaining gets a
girl's nerve.
I try to be sympathetic, but she
hurts me so often. God, please tell
me how will our lives end,
THANKFUL FOR KISSES, ‘
l.ast night Norm was kind to me
when I cried. (I could not hold in
any longer.) He petted me, put my
head on his breast and Kkissed me.
Oh, how thankful I was for that at
tention, and oh, how I needed it. He
told me he wants hig pal, his little
girl and wife back again, and misses
her. Oh, God, tell me where has that
part of me gone? lls the fault mine,
his or ours jointly? .
He says I have changed the last
| three weeks. In what way? I can't
understand because I feel right to
’ward my boy. Last week, one night,
when he came home I cried and told
him I had been lonely all day. And
the Saturday before Easter Sunday
we knelt, had prayer to God to make
us happy. At Easter he said he would
pe with his little girl every day and
every Sunday thereafter.
All that was less than three weeks
ago. While I was crying my heart
out to God, 1 asked Norm what he
wished to do. He suggested separa
tion. Of a sudden I realized what
that would mean for me, and then I
went mad.
April 23—Saw Gerald Hurd coming
home from his ten-cent store. I hope
the kid makes good. Said he will
open another in November. Wish
thers was a chance for my hubby in
anything. Wish now I had money to
start him in something. We have
each other, and that ought to be
enough. It is for me, but Norm is
discontented, and lately dwells on the
fact that he must get’'more money.
Down in his heart He must think I am
selfish because I can't help. I must
help.
May 2—Thursday Gould was here
for dinner. He seems to enjoy him
gelf very much. Gould thinks Doro
thy and Jack are nice names for chil
dren. I wonder if we will ever have
any? Made my first cookies last
Friday and they were good.
NO INSULTS FOR WOMEN.
The three of us went to a chop
suey restaurant. We walked back
through the park, and Norm told me
something Gould said, and I won't
forget it, either, no matter how long
I livee. Women were not put here
to be insulted too grossly.
Last night Gould and Hazel Scho
field were here. She is a nice kid.
1 am glad he got that kind.
Tuesday night Norm and I were
heavenly happy. It is queer how ex
quisitely happy we are and then,
when we are angry, how unhappy,
tragically unhappy we are, Last
night T slept alone for the first time.
1 want to be spiritually happy. My
soul is hungry for Norm’'s kind at
tention.
June 19—Haven't written for a
month. Busy working. Earned S4O.
Then they let me go, as business
was dull. TLast week I was out ev
ery day looking for work. This
week I haven't carfare. Mamma has
been giving us a lot of provisions.
Norm and I have lots of little spats
but nothing serious any more. 1
guess we are becoming so used to
each other that they seem less im
portant. Anyway we love each oth
er. Have seen Bunny. Met her ac
cidentally and made a bet that I
would not have any children within
three years from May 21. There is
a dinner to be given by the one who
loses.
July 19—Another month. How un
happy I am. To write my little trou
bles here is almost as comfortable
as telling them to mother. Nearly
every day we have words. Last night
Norm's father was here. I feel to
ward his folks as I have ever since
o L R
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we have heen married. No ill will or
hardness, but just fear of their pride
in Norm and their idea that I am a
foreigner.
1 have been at the Hub in thé boys’
department since June 24, Earning
a little money to, keep going. I
have ‘“gotten” Norm shirts, ties,
gioves, collars and handkerchiefs,
1 wish God would tell me what is
wrong. Tonight I have cried for
more than an hour, What from I don’t
know, unless it is fear. Norm., my
buy, Just makes me cry, 1 cry at
the least thing. Now at almost ev
erything. Dear God, help us
~ July 28 (Sunday)—My poor little
neglected diary, oh, God. Oh, Ged,
'Oh, God. T am going to close before
I begin. 1 could cry and cry and cry.
Norm yells, “come to bed.” |
August 17—Ten months ago I was
married. Sometimes it seems ten
}yeara ago, and that I have always
béen living with m{ boy, and other
)times it seerns my first hour of mar
ried happiness together. Lately I
have been growing more thoughtful
of Norm an&)l’ love him more every
day. God knows lam trying awfully
hard to do right. The things I have
“gotten” at the Hub have certainly
heiped a lot. About $75 in all
September 9—l just wish to put
down the names of a few books I
have read during the past three
months—“The Trail of the Lonesome
Pine,” “The Firing Line,” “The Fight
ing Chance,” “John Sheppard” (by
Ainsworth) and “The Rosary.”
Have “gotten” Norm some dandy
hats and caps worth $25. They are
all two or three dollars. He has
nice shirts, $2 apiece, and ties and
lots of underwear. Too bad I can't
get an overcoat.
October 18, 1912.—Dear Diary, I
‘have an ache in my heart and a
tear in my eyes. This dready day
after our first wedding anniversary
T need gentle words and strong arms
to soothe me. Norm is so busy cut
ting articles from newspapers con
cerning baseball and the President
that he does not care to spend his
precious time kissing me.
A BABY—SOMETHING TO LOVE.
A year from now what will I be
writing in this book? Shall Ibe
here to write it at all? Oh, God!
Oh, God! If you only knew how my
heart is breaking, how hungry I am
for love! .
¢ T could only harden myself to
his cold treatment I should then suf
fer. in silence, but I love my hus
band, want his attention; I never
think for a moment that he cares for
some one else. I would swear that
he does not. Why should he, when
1 love him as God knows? 1 devote
ling God, if I could not write down
all these things to you 1 would have
no comfort at all. &
A ‘baby, a baby, my baby, what
would that mean to a little girl?
It means something to love and care
for: something- to trust and turn to
you for its every need. .
Last night we dined with Arbella.
Her husband and Norm left to get
beer and were gone three hours. It
makes a girl hard to have her hus
band, whom she loves, go far away
on the night of their first anniver
sary. When the second anniversary
comes around she may not care any
more than he does now. Dear God,
I hope not, I pray not. If I didn’t
care for him so I could go out and
have a good time with other ellows;
but I love my husband, so help me,
God.
Wednesday, October 30.—Saturday
Norman went to a stag. It was his
first night out. I hope his last. Got
my wedding ring last week. Put it
on my inger Friday. Norm said we
would have no more differences, yet
he even gets brutal and like a fool
1 love him still. If my husband only
knew how I love him, he would be
more kind.
For a change 1 am letting him
come to me for a kiss. Have read
“Olld St. Paul's,” “Constable of the
Tower,” “The Net,” “The Penalty,”
and “The Streets of Ascallon.”
SHE PHONED A MAN.
December 27.—This afternoon I
took a walk and happened to look
in a window of a store for rent and
saw Robert Standish sitting with
his back to me. I am glad he did
not see me. I phoned him when I
got home and we had a little talk.
He was very nige and seemed just
the same oold “Buzz.” Norm is very
angry because I phoned him.
January 13.—Walter Reynoldg is
going to stay theye two or three
weeks. He sings well. He is sing
ing at a nearby theater.
January 29.—Norm has just left
after insulting me. I am getting
used to it It began when we were
first married and Norm usge to pull
his hand away from me when 1
would slip mine under his in a dark
nickel show. It used to hurt, but
that is gone now.
1 don't give him a chance to turn
from me now. It's hard, but not as
it used to be. I have r7en pushed
away €0 many times that I have giv
en up. It took a long time, diary,
did it not? But then I was a fool
and loved him. God, how I loved
him and still do. 1 wonder if I can
feel?
February Li—Walter Reynolds has
gone. Norman is so jealous that
Cora told him to go.
Interrupted by Norm asking me to
take the ring off. Walt left after
dinner Thursday night. Norm went
out with him. I put my hat on to
g 0 qut with them and was told that
I, was not wanted. I took my hat
off, sat down and read, and the min
ute Norm left I followed. Walked
the streets for hours. f
Two men followed me to Blake's
}Pavilion. What they said is awful
I 'phoned home to see if Norm was
‘there. No answer. [ walked home
‘slowly. When 1 opened the door my
sister was standing there, phoning
to John Walters. Norm was dead
drunk and crying for me, Norm
slept on the lounge and I went to
bed as a civilized person.
Walt promised Cora that he would
have nothing more to do with me.
Rut he phoned Saturday, and Norm
was wild. About 5 o'clock he got
violent and forced me to take the
wedding ring off. He began to pack
his things. I' pretended to telephone
a friend and Norm went out to find
this fictitious person.
NOT DISLOYAL.
Norm brought Walter home and
asked him to stay ali night. Walt
did everything possible around the
house Monday. Swept, dusted and
even washed the kitchen floor.
About 2 o'clock the bell rang and
Norm vyelled, “Open the door.” I
went to it and he made a dash for
pocr Walt and knocked him down
and left him lie there. I begged
Norm to stop. It was over in a
momeant,
Walit finally came to and stag
gered out,
¥ebruary 6.-—Hasx love died? No,
but it has not been nourished., and
it will take some time to nouxfi& it
it ever does again. Norm tia!nks l]
am disloyal. That is not it. I have
net romething that I feel will
never begin again, and in despera
tion I seek consolation and diversion
of thought. I who abhorred liquor
am drinking more than I should.
Oh, dear lLord, I knew we were too
happy to last. “Little girl” is dead
again. ;
February B—The sun alone is warm.
Last night at times I thought “little
gir!” was coming to life again. My
finger pains. 1 can’'t play or draw
or even write.
TELLS OF HER LOVE.
~ February 9—ll am selfish. It's quéer
‘how, when 1 feel sad and neglected
and lonesome, I think of God and
}wish to write in my diary. When I
am happy 1 do not think of God. I
share with Him only my sorrows,
“Norm thinks more of cutting
things out of magazines than he does
of gilving his wife attention. It is
only because I love him that I ob
serve the neglect. He just came ro
me and kissed me and asked me to
write something nice about him. I
will. I love him, and I know he loves
me. He is a dear, good kid, and I
shall stick to my husband. Oh, he is
such a boy, so young!
When he comes home is it not very
natural that I should wish to talk to
him and sit quietly on the lounge
with his arms about me and telling
me nice things? I never get tired of
that. But, dear God. as much as he
loves me he does tire of it. Any
one I care for I want to be with.\
looked at and touched. Is that not,
natural? |
February 12—Just back from seeing!
“Bought and Paid For.” There 18 a
great tear at the bottom of this page.
Norm is so cool, s© thoughtless, so
handened toward me, and this is my
birthday. |
February 19—Norm has been try
ing to get money from Walt. I think
it is outrageous. Yet I am growing
hard. : |
March 4—Well, my boy is now 22.‘
Exciting time. Our first fight. I
came out with a scratch. Norm's
Aunt Mary came in and saw, my red’
eyes. I wonder if she wonders, and,
wondering, reminded herself of the
probability of all the Randalls being
alike.
Next time Norm strikes me I wish‘
God to let me drop dead at his feet.
I am still dazed”and can not under
stand anything yet. Have read “The
Woman in the Alcove,” “The Leaven
worth Case,” “The Three Musketeers"‘
and ‘“The Illustrious Prince.”
GROWS.HARDER AND OLDER.
March 30—We live in the same
house—but apart. The loss of Little
Girl seems to surprise and anger
Norm. I have forgotten how I used
to act. It was so natural to me then.
I would have to be taught how to
love that way again. I have some
pretty clothes now, and will think of
them. Norm has gone to get a new
“job” at the steel mills.
April 11—This is just anothcr reg
ular day. Read “Black Tulip’ by T'n
mas and “Hunchback of Notre Dame.”
Last night it came to me suddenly,
I wondered if I should have kept the
first child God sent me.
Oh, God, it was a love child such
as con hardly come now, because I
am so much harder and older. God
may punish me yet, thought at the
time I did for the best. We were
starving. Alvella’s baby is nine
months old and a darling. I won-|
der if I want one.
April 19—Read “The Masquerader.”
Last Saturday night I° slept with
Clara. Norm was .0 insulting that 1
am prepared to stay away again.
May s—Last Monday night Norm
kissed me. How strans:. I have a
great desire to sing. I often won
der if a baby would help me. I dread
and long for motherhood.
June 6—The last three weeks I have
been making dandy layer calkes. Ma
foi. I've been trying to teaci Norm
to dance and I am all worn out.
Frances Peck called Wednesday. She
is the same fickle giil.
Norm likes her very m'ich, thank
heaven. I wonder why it is the girls
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; L—-———-—————-——-—-——.—_.....____ R ‘ .-
ldon't like me. I believe I am truly
not very lovable,
Norm was very good to me. It only
lasted three days. I@6 new it was too
good to last. |
I had a very mushy letter from Dad
today. He must have een ntox
when he wrote it. Leslie Hart sent
me a dozen beautiful roses. Think
of poor little Nobody with roses.
Why roses from Leslie, not Norm?
Les is thoughtful. Sent music this
afterncon, too, and here am I taking
two weeks to draw him a head.
September 16—Norm is taking up
stenography, bless his heart. He is
bound to make money and will help.
October 26—To ~» woman love is
life—to a man it is an event. Oh,
dear (God, what happiness will be
mine when little soft arms twine
about my neck, and baby lips mur
Point'to il [z B
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s
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Flakes, as do millions of others. Not
only does their tempting, oven-fresh flavor
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quality satisfies you that you are eating
the corn flakes which have always held the
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Ask your grocer for them, and select them
by the “waxtite” package bearing this
signature— :
. . *
Every grocer everywhere
sells Kellogg's every day.
mur so softly I can barely hear—
“Mother’—that one word I ‘have
never heard. Oh, how 1 will worship
my child—and I hope it will be a
daughter.”
il
(Ruth Randalls diary totals 35,006
words. This is the first chapter as
‘presented by the Rev, W. H. Car
'wardine. Another instalment will be
printed in Friday's Georgian.
ettt
Rheumatm is
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Water. . Positively guaranteed by
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Atlanta Agents. Coursey & Munn
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