Newspaper Page Text
vof V.-NO. 29.
TOPICS OF THE DAY.
Great Britain has no less than 1,674
Generals in her army, but only 250 of
them are >“ active service -
The Inspector of Milk, in Hartford,
recently found seven samples of
niUkoutof thirty-five adulterated with
oter or skim milk.
In Massachusetts there is one oivorci
to twenty-one marriages; in Vermont,
New Hampshire and Connecticut, about
one to fourteen ; in Rhode island, one
to twelve ; in Maine, one to eight.
A late Assistant Commissioner of
Ireland says that a proper system of ar
terial drainage is the most practical wav
of assisting the solution of the “Iris!
question.” By such a system lands
could be reclaimed and farmers would
take the place of laborers.
An eminent French physician, win
has known Prince Bismark well for near
ly a quarter of a century, says that all
talk about the Chancellor’s health break
ing down is sheer nonsense. His nerves
and general constitution are in admirabl
condition, and bid fair to remain so foi
twenty years to come.
Whi-n Dr. Weaker, the celebrated
German oculist, removed Gambetta’s
right eye in 1867, the organ was pre
served in spirits. “It is the eye,” the
surgeon said, “of a man who is sure to
enact an important part in the world’;
history.” He was right, and the eye is
still preserved.
New York is soon to have in readiness
a thoroughly drilled and equipped life
saving corps to act in conjunction with
its Fire Department. It will be pro
vided with ingenious mechanical con
trivances for scaling the highest builds
mgs and bringing inmates in safety to
the ground.
According report of the Secre
tary of ■'Tanized strength of
the militia oTtJieVmted States is 87,614.
Os this number 6,583 are commissioned
o/ficers, and 81,081 are non-commission
ed officers, musicians and privates. The
number of men available for military
duty, but unorganized, is 6,797,000.
It is reported that there are 30,000
negroes in Indian Territory denied the
privilege of franchise and schools, and
are incompetent as witnesses and jurors
in courts. They were, or are, descend
ants from former slaves of the Indians.
1 hey ask the Government to remove
them from among the Indians and settle
them on Oklahoma lands.
According to the Manchester Guar
•dian, the latest and largest donation to
the fund for England’s Royal College of
Music came from New York City, and
was the gift of Mr. Andrew Carnegie.
Its amount was $25,000. The college
will, it is thought, be opened in South
Kensington in May next with about
fifty scholars.
•■♦
A New York surgeon, the other dav,
successfully tried transfusion of blood
for asphyxia. A man named Okeburg
blew out the gas in his room at a hotel,
was almost dead when discovered, and’
as he was not revived by ordinary reme
dies, several ounces of taken
from a healthy negro, were pumped into
a vain in his arm and he soon regained
consciousness.
A general depression of business pre
vails in England, one cause of which is
,e JL >C t * 3fe un f avora bi e agricul
-I'7 n The weather has been
,A(l all through the winter for that inter
est, and now the heavy rains prevent the
usual preparations for spring planting.
e prospect in other European coun
tries is also gloomy, particularly France,
t’ermauy, Rug e ia, and Turkey. *
Immense fields and mountains of ice
have already appeared off the banks of
Newfoundland. The year, bound to bo
hirtoncal for its floods, fires, storms
a,lf accidents, will also probably oe
ra 'le for the immensity and dan
g'.rotiHnegg of its iceburgs. These great
u,ass<'s of ice are said to be productive,
-cough their atmospheric influences, of
■< ~ tempests that have of late
' ,s l i lculS 1 Auntie mariners.
That it is not good for man to be alone
. been the belief of 6,000 years, but it
b only recently that the fatal evil of
juch solicitude has been worked out by
I*, S ti ßt * c * anß - “Bachelorhood,” says
th ' t< r k’ "* 8 more destructive to life
or h unwholesome trades
an residence in an unwholesome
Strict where there has never
x„_ n . e most distant attempt at sani-
Mr y improvement.”
a vhff Robert Asa Packer, when on
dav# 4’ onae<J ti cu t in his younger
bread on 5? v ® the excellent
- his host s table had been made
She SMtoti
by one of his daughters. He sought
her out and married her, but they only
lived together a few years, not being
ible to get along at all. He afterward
married a daughter of Victor E. Piolett.
with whom he lived as happily as lie
could wish, and entertained his friends
in regal stylo.
The junior M. P. for Edinburg has im
■roved upon his great colleague in the
niftier of postal cards. Mr. Gladstone
used to write his, to the great joy of
autograph collectors. But Mr. Waddy
replies to all applications from his con
stituents with a printed card, as follows:
“I beg to acknowledge the receipt of
vour note. I receive so many applica
tions of a similar character, that I can
not possibly comply with your request. I
regret my inability to assist you, and am,
yours truly, S. D. Waddy.”
There are several thousand house
keepers in the land who would feel
grateful to the several Legislatures if
they should carry into effect the sugges
tion of the Lima Kiln Club, of Detroit,
which is as follows : “ Resolved, Dat de
present Legischur of dis State am
ordered to pass a law makin’ it a penal
offense fur a grocer not to deliver oin
pound of cheese and eleven cents’ wuf of
halibut widin ten minits of de time
agreed upon when de said articles are
ordered and paid for.”
A committee to plan an industrial
school at Springfield, Mass., have de
cided to teach the rudiments of trades,
and not to turn out finished mechanics
The desire is to give the boy a knowl
eege that will enable him to choose a
pursuit lor which he recognizes his own
adaptability, so that three or four year's
of his life may not be wasted after he
leaves school in trying to determine
how he will earn bis living, and finally
drifting through ignorance and neces
sity into work where manual labor, not
brains, is needed.
Wong Chin Foo, editor of the Chi
nese American, is elated over the suc
cess of his paper, which is now about
four weeks old. Wong came to this
country in 1874 with Rev. Mr. Gibson,
and was mobbed at San Francisco for
trying to liberate twenty-three Chinese
women who had been sent over in his
ship by business agents. Since then he
has lived in the E ist as a lecturer and
writer on Chinese mat! > thinks
the present Chinese Em’ is to this
country is a useless body, and has a
poor opinion of the common Chinese
American.
According to the summary of the
Catholic directory for 1883, the hierarchy
of the Catholic Church in the United
States comprises 1 Cardinal, 13 Arch
bishops, 59 Bishops, 6,546 priests, 5,241
churches, besides 1,180 chapels and
1,768 stations, which are attended by
priests, and where mass is occasionally
celebrated. The Catholic population is
computed to be 6,832,954. There are 31
ecclesiastical seminaries for the educa
tion of 1,-134 ecclesiastical students. The
number of colleges, 81; academies, 579;
and parochial schools, 2,491. The num
ber of pupils attending the Catholic
schools, exclusive of colleges and acade
mies, is given at 428,642. There are 275
asylums of various kinds and 185 hospi
tals. A comparison of figureswill show
that there is but a very slight overaver
age of one priest to every church. The
number of educational institutions foot
up over 3,000, or equal to half the num
ber of churches.
A young servant girl by the name of
2\nnie Lennon, who is employed in the
family of Sheriff Easton, of Newport, 11.
1., performed an act of brave devotion
a few nights ago, of which it is proposed
to make some public recognition. She
and a five-year-old daughter of Sheriff
Easton were alone in the house, the rest
of the family not having returned from
an Odd Fellows’ Festival. Soon after
midnight she awoke to find her attic
room filled with smoke. She waited
only to put on a skirt, hurried down
stairs, and, being unable to open the
door, climbed through a window upon a
back porch, jumped to the ground, eight
feet below, and ran with bare feet ovei
the ice and snow to rouse the neighbor*.
Hastening home again, she appealed tc
several persons, who by that time had
gathered before the house, to save the i
: little girl sleeping upstairs, and, as no
' one responded, she entered the house as
she had left it, felt her way through the
blinding and stifling smoke to the child’s
room, and escaped with her to the yard
uninjured, though the heat was intense
enough to scorch their clothing.
• The State of Georgia makes a very ‘
i huppy showing in the matter of develop-
i ment of a country by railroads. A few
i years after the war the Southern manu
i factoring State began to move in the di-
I rection of connecting herself with outer
markets by railways. The result was
that farmers began to putin larger crops,
• planters to double their acreage in cotton, i
DALTON, GEORGIA, SATURDAY, MARCH 10, 1883.
and stock raisers to increase their expor
tation of domestic animals. They had a
market for their products. This is the
result in 1882: The State raises three
times as much corn and wheat as it did
in 1870, and six times as many potatoes.
In all other farm products there has been
a corresponding increase. Since 1870
the amount of cotton raised has doubled.
A largely increased production to the
acre shows also that the methods of
tillage have improved. The added num
ber of farm animals, horses, mules,
swine, milch cows and sheep is no less
striking. The tendency seems to be to
cut up the great estates into small ones.
In 1870 Georgia had 70,000 farms. There
are now 139,000. The value of farm
products has, in fact, nearly doubled
since 1870. It is mostly owing to the
building of railroads.
What 19 Nickell
Since the convenient five cent coin
which in common talk is called “a
nickel,” has come into general circula
tion, the question above is asked, either
mentally or orally, hundreds of times
every day, and but few get an intelligent
answer. In China and India, a white
copper, called pack-tong, has long been
known and has been extensively used
both there and in Europe for counterfeit
ing silver coin. About the year 1700 a
peculiar ore was discovered in the copper
mines of Saxony which had the appear
ance of being very rich, but in smelting,
it yielded no copper, and the miners
called it kupfer-nickel, or false copper.
In 1754, Cronstadt announced the dis
covery of a new metal in kupfer-nickel,
to which he gave the name of nickel. It
was in combination with arsenic from
which he could relieve it only in part.
The alloy of nickel and arsenic which he
obtained was white, brittle, very hard
and had a melting point nearly as high
as cast-iron. It was not until 1823 that
pure nickel was obtained by analysis of
German silver which had for a number
of years, been produced at Suhl in Saxony.
Its composition was ascertained to be
copper 10 parts, zinc 5, and nickel 4. If
more nickel be used the alloy is as white
as silver and susceptible of a very high
polish, but becomes too brittle and hard
to be hammered or rolled, and can be
worked only by casting. Pure nickel is
a white metal with a tarnish readily in
the air. Unlike silver, it is not acted on
by the vapor of sulphur, and even the
strong mineral acids attract it but.
slightly. Nickel has tho hardness of
iron and like it, has strong magnetic
[r p rties, but cannot be welded and is
soldered wit 1 , difficulty. Pure nickel
has heretofore been used chiefly for
plating, for which purpose its hardness
and power to resist atmospheric influ
ences, admirably adapt it. Within the
last year, the French have succeeded in
rolling the metal into plates from which
spoons and other table furniture may be
pressed. Nickel bronze, which consists
of equal parts of copper and nickel, with
a little tin, may be cast into very delicate
forms, and is susceptible of a high polish.
Mines of nickel are worked at Chatham,
Conn., and Lancaster, Pa., and it is said
to be found at Mine Le Motte, Mo., and
at several points in Colorado, and New
Mexico, where but little attention is paid
to it. It is extensively mined in Saxony
and in Sweden, but the late discoverv
of a new ore (a silicate of nickel) in New
Caledonia will probably supersede all the
other ones. The inexhaustible supply
of this ore, the ease with which it can
be smelted and the richness of the ore .
will probably suspend tho use of the |
arsenical ores, and yet bring nickel into (
common use. Switzerland, in the year •
1852, made a coin of German silver,
which is identical in composition with
our nickel coin. The United States
made nickel cents in 1856, and eight
years later, coined tho five cent pieces.
Belgium adopted nickel coinage in 1860
and Germany in 1873. England has
lately coined nickel pennies for Jamaica,
but at home she and France adhere to
the clumsy copper small change.
Natural Advantages on a Small Fann,
Among the first of natural advantages
on a small farm is a good husband and
a good wife. One other thing I will
sa y—whatever you undertake to do, do ’
it better than you did before. Never
mind whether you exceed your neigh
bors or not—heat yourselves. What we
admire in a plant or animal we admire !
more in a man—that is growth. If you '
arc making beef, or pork, or mutton, or ■
milk or but'.er or cheese, or working I
oxen or trotting horses, make them bet- |
ter next time, especially if you make
things for the judgment day of the mar- ,
ket. So of vegetable or fruit products.'
Let withered and inferior goods come I
bv railroad. Don’t let the market know
of vour going back in quallity any. It '
will despise and never forgive you if you I
do. Again, don’t try to do too much of .
a kmd, nor too many kinds of things. ;
To excel in leaping, you can't jump in
all directions —you must throw your
heft toward one point.— J. B. Alcott.
The Farm and Fireside, of Spring
field, Ohio, has this to eay about these :
“ Take two wooden boxes, one three
inches larger in every way than the
other. Lino the inside box with zinc.
Fill the space surrounding it with dry
sawdust, or, better, with fine charcoal. I
Let the cover to the inside box be ;
covered with a piece of woolen blanket.
Let a small piece of pipe pass from the |
bottom of the inner box down through
tho bottom of the lower box, so as to ,
allow the water from the I
flow off. This is just as good m many ■
of the patent ice chests at less than one- f J
fourth the cost.
The Story of a Prhicesifi
The several current press notices of
the royal order of Kapiolani, recently
presented to the author of “ Kalani of
Oahu.’’ by King Kalauea, failing to de
scribe the religo-romant’c incident
Which imparts intrinsic value to the
name, I send a brief epitome of the
story for publication. The literal mean
ingof Kapiolani is “prisoner of Heaven.”
Princess Kapiolani, of Hawaii, was
daughter o e the last Mng of Hilo, and
among the first converts of the mission
aries. When first seen by the white
clergy Kapiolani was publicly anointing
herself with cocoanut oil, while under
go ng some heathen rite of her tabu
creed. From this state of pa an degra
dation the beautiful Princess soon “be
came one of the most devout Christian
converts, glowing with pio s zeal to ac
complish something which m ght break
through the superstitions of her people.
Twenty-six thousand idols had been de
stroyed by fire, by order of King Liho
liho and the High Priest, Hewahewa.
and yet the degrading tabu remained
unbroken. It was time for some o her
overt act to be thought of. In a state
o’ drunken frenzy Liholiho had broken
the tabu by eating with the women. A
brave net for a young King, but not of
sufficient importance to ailect the tabu.
Kapiolani now came to the rescue,
and, with a moral he oism equal to any
act of h r sex, she determined to brave
Tele in her own fiery stronghold of
Kilauea, tesf'ng the divine power of her
new-found God by defying the goddess
and breakin r her tabu in the presence
of a multitude. News o her intended
sacrilege was proclaimed all over the
island, treat ng a feeiin/of consterna
tion, not only for the welfare of the
Princess, but lest th? very island should
be destroyed. Many came to plead that
she would abandon the rash act: and
none were more terrified for her safety
than Naihe. her warrior-husband.
Followed by eighty of her terror
stricken friends, kapiolani walked a
hundred miles through the moun ain
wilderness on her pi gr mage or terror.
Approaching the seething crater, Ka
piolani was met. by a shriveled ol<l
pinestess of Pole, bearing a fiery male
diction from Pole—hot from the dread
Haliman-man, (house of everlasting
fire) —in which Pole threatened not
only death to all comers but destruction
of the island.
The multitude stood appalled, and
bevged the Prince sto des.st from her
rash act. But, quoting some new
learned passages from Scripture to the
Kahuna wahine —woman priest—Ka
piolani talked calmly and resolutely to
the crater’s verge, where the sea of
molten lava raved like a storm-lashed
ocean demonstrating the wrath of Feb*.
Gathering a handful of sa red olielo
berries, ever consecrated to l ele, she
ate them in derision of the tabu rite,
instead of casting them into the crater
as a peace offering to the goddess.
Gathering up stones, she threw them
into the fiery flood instead of the a cus
tomed berries. Standing the e in the
presence of the most awml natural phe
nomena on earth, confronting the most
terrible conception of a pagan deity,
Kapiolani calmly addressed the multi
tude as they stood appalled at their
own fears;
“Behold! my people, tho gods of
Hawaii are vain gods. Great is Jeho
vah, my Go I. lie kindles these fires,
rear not I’ele; she is powerless. Should
I perish, then fear her power. Should
God preserve me, then break your tabu,
knowing there is but one God. Jeho
vah.” In commemoration of this brave
act of Kapiolani, Ke Nui (the great),
the King’s present wife, was named,
, and the royal Order of Kapiolani was
proclaimed, for the “recompense of dis
tinguished merit to the St te, for hu
manity, genius science and art, ser
vices rendered to Ourselves or Our Suc
cessors. '’ Boston Courier.
Knew Ills Business.
A few months ago a conductor on one
of the Chicago street-cars suddenly ex
perienced religion and joined a small
flock in the neighborhood of his resi
dence. None more devout than he was
to be found in the country around, and
every spare moment from his business
was put into something energetic toward
strengthening up the liltle church into
which he had projected liimscu. Notic
ing his interest, his pastor, to encourage
' him, shoved him along all he could, and
in a short time the new convert was a
shining light among his fellow-worship
pers, and the Christian grace with which
I he passed the contribution-plate evoked
! nickles from what before had been bar-
■ ren pockets. ’’
One*Sunday morning a hoodlum was
i noisy, and the conductor quietly ordered
him out. He went, but last Sunday
! evening he appeared with a mob of dis
-1 solute companions bent on a difficulty.
I The conductor kept an eye on the
' leader until the disturbance became un
-1 bearable.
“Put on brakes a moment, parson,
said he, “till I look after this fare.”
j Approaching the thug, he went for
' him, and wiped up several yards of aisle
with him, and then stood him on his
,Cf *‘Five cents for the kingdom of God!”
he demanded.
The hoodlum said he did not have to
‘ ‘ Five cents for this ride on the Gospel
chariot,” and he smashed the tltog in the
countenance.
i “But, brother,” remonstrated the pas-
■ tor, “you cannot compel him to con
tribute.” x v „,
“ Never you mind that parson. You ■
preach and I’ll collet Tl ” s
dead-head on this
line without, putting up. l m ie /
sponsible to tlw to show ■
Fvo punched hffa ft-’M hizgot to snow j (
ooin. ’
THE WORLD BANKRUPT.
Ths I.nrjr<> Amount Owed by (lowi nnienta.
. A n ingenious statistician, who had
been losing sleep in the pursuits of
science, has added up the nations of the
world, and is distressed to find out that
this poor old world is really bankrupt;
that it owes more than it can pay, and
that, as the process of debt-making is
continually going on, the inevitable end
u ill be a universal smash. The gloomy
view of the situation is supported by the
magnitude of the figures—total amount
we believe is some $20,000,000, OOOor $30,-
000,000,000 —and it is plainly true that,
with the exception of the United States,
the civilized goverments of the world are
rapidly increasing their indebtedness.
But wo believe that this immense aggre
gate of debt is an evidence rather of sol
vency than of bankruptcy; a proof, not
that the world is so poor us to be insol
vent, but that it is so rich that no extrava
gance can ruin it All the great public
debts of the world are the creation of the
present century, and many of them of
the past twenty or thirty years. At the
beginning of the century France had no
debt at all and England only a trifling
one. Italy, which is quite active as a
debtor, did not exist as a nation thirty
years ago mid the United States had no
public or local debt of any amount twenty
years ago.
If, in the course of eighty years, the
nations of the world have succeeded in
loading themselves up with a burden of
debt to the whole of the estimated wealth
of this country at the last census, it is a
proof that their material prosperity and
accumulated resources have reached pro
portions which would have been consid
ered impossible and mythical in any
previous era of history. France, which
now thrives mid prospers under an enor
mous debt of $4,700,000,000, on which it
pays an annual interest of $203,000,000,
would have found it impossible 100 years
ago to borrow the amount which is an
nually paid for interest. England owes
a debt of some $4,000,000,000, the foun
dations of which were laid in the attempt
to prevent the French from being ruined
by a sovereign of their own choosing.
But if England had had any idea at the
outbreak of the Napoleonic wars of the
outlay which would be incurred, we may
be sure the ablest flanciers would have
said that there was no credit of gover -
ment or power of authority which would
suffice to carry so large a debt. Now,
triumphant Germany asks France for a
trifle of $1,000,000,01)0 as coolly as if it
were a bottle of wine, and totally mort
gages the resources of a nation before a
nation is established. Was the world
any richer 100 years ago, when its lack
of credit prevented its borrowing money?
Is it any poorer now, when it has bor
rowed so much that a demand fftr pay
ment would bankrupt it?
A very simple answer to the question
may be had by merely considering where
all the money came from which is now
invested in the Grand Livre or ledger of
France, the consols of England, mid tho
bonds of other countries. Before the
country could borrow there must have
been capitalists who had the money to
lend—and to spare. The nations could not
have borrowed unless the people were
able to lend, andif the world is able to lend
S2O, ()()(>, 090,000 or $30,000,000,000 it can
hardly be in danger of immediate bank
ruptcy. In fact, the debts of the nations
are merely the surplus of the people, a
small part of the accumulations which
have been made in a century of industry
and of progress. Steam, electricity, and
patent inventions have accumulated in
the world such a mass of wealth as the old
world never dreamed of; and, as the pro
cess of accumulation is going on faster
than the process of borrowing, the world
is growing richer every day, richer in
spite of wars and armies and kings and
tariffs and tax-eaters, and other obstacles,
and there is no call for any learned statis
tician to sit up of nights in despair over
the future of an insolvent world.
Peculiarities of Deep-Sea Animals.
Deep-sea animals, as a rule, have
either no eyes at all or have very large
eyas. As an example may be ci! d the
crustacean, astacus zalencus, most closely
allied to the common eray-ffsh which
Prof. Huxley has lately made illustrious.
It is from 150 fathoms. It has no eyes
at all, but one of its nippers is extraordi
narily long and delicate, and possibly tl*e
animal uses it to feel its way with, as a
blind man uses his stick. There are also
abundant hairs on the animal’s surface,
which are probably organs of touch.
Many deep-sea Crustacea, however, have
very large eyes indeed, evidently for the
purjKise of making use of some small
quantity of light which must exist in all
depths. In the absence of sunlight the
only other source of light must be
phosphorescence of certain of the deep
sea animals themselves. No doubt many
animals, as in shallow water, emit light
in the deep sea; and the deep-sea animals
with eyes probably congregate round
them or gronpe their wav in the gloom
from one bunch to another as they lie
scattered over the bottom, just as wo
half feel, half-see our way from lamp
post to lamp-post in a night fog. Homo
lose their way, os we do sometimes, and
get into shallow water, and a good many
deep-sea animals have from time to timo
been picked up near tho shores at
Madeira and elsewhere, and have found •
their way into museums as great rarities.
No doubt the sense of touch is tho one
mainly relied on by most
animals. Very’ many are provided with
Knecial organs of touch, such ns long /
hidrs. or, in the ca«offi*h,
lona fm-nva. /
li»hed were “Bab.V Mine.
Horn, ” “No Go," “ Buss, and Neces- fd<
>ity. ”
TERMS: SI.OO A YEAR
WAIFS AND WHIMS.
JSte Rome Sentinel says that an alli
gator laughs Avhea it he:,rs that beauty
Is only skin deep.
Hints to housekeepers—When your
favorite cats become too prolific you must
“pool their issues.”
Faith moves mountains, but it takes a
couple of express wagons to move a fash
ionable woman’s baggage.
The grand and awfid difference be
tween a tree and a bore is—the tree
leaves in the spring, and the bore—whv,
he never leaves.
The two urchins who played “escap
ing from the wreck” by using their
mother’s holiday dough-trough for a life
boat, were lashed together.
A man in Baltimore has the wooden
shutter of the room occupied by Mary
Phillipse, who gave George Washington
the mitten. Cupid’s blind.
The bible tells us not to put our trust
in riches, and a great many men don’t at
tho present day. Their total lack of
riches explains why.
A Minnesota farmer who has five
grown-up daughters, has sued the county
on a claim that his residence has lieeu
used as a “court-room” for the past two
years.
A Haddenfield (Capo May) sign
reads: “Is cream salon cakes prett»'’'«
and canddy and cigars oisters and lodg- 1
ing and horses wattered constantly on’,'
hand.” >
It has been said that poverty treads,
upon tho heels of great and unexpected'
riches; but then a newspaper man never
has coms on liis heels, and he can
stand it. : -
Ppoprietor—“ If you boys don’t
clear out I’ll call that officer and have
you taken in.” Boy—“ That’s where
you’d be taken in; that policeman’s my
dad, he is.”
The church is the pew rest place on
earth.— Steubenville Herald. And one
can tell how good the men are by the
number of hymns found there.—CVncin
nati Gazette.
Somebody wants to know why we do
not go to Europe. Well, the fact is if
the rest of Europe resembles the part
that has come over here, we’ve seen*
enough of it.— Burlington Hawkeye.
Hk talked love to her, and dove to her,
And tried to squeeze her hand,
While she sat up and ■•yessed" and ‘'noed,"
And yawned behind tier fun—
(Because s e had sat up tho night before.
Willi a fellow she had an awful fondness for.)
—Steubenville llrrald.
The following advertisement appeared
lately in an Irish newspaper: “This is
to notify Patrick O’Flaherty, who lately
loft bis lodgings, if he does not return
soon and pay for the same he shall be ad
vertised. ”
“Well, if I ever saw the like,” re
marked Mr. Whiskyskin, as he mopped
tho perspiration from his brow. “ I
don't see where all this water comes from
that oozes through my pores. I haven’t
tasted the stuff for ten years.”
What a pity that a big heart is so
often compelled to keep company with a
small income? — N. Y. News. Rather,
what a pity that a big income is so often
comjielled to keep company with a small
heart.
“Do not know commas when you see
them?” said the village school teacher
to the book-keeper of a banking-house,
whose education had been neglected.
“What are these „) on your gro
cer’s bill?” “Beers,” said he.
Police court scene—Judge to an un
prepossessing tramp : “ What are your
means of living?” .“I am an inventor.”
“Ah, indeed. And what have you in
vented?” “Nothing as yet; but I am
on the lookout.”
Mits. Domesticity calls at the kitchen
furnishing store. “Have you Cook’s
stewers?” she asks. The dealer is dumb
founded till he is shown an advertise
ment of “Cook’s Tours,” when he di
rected her to the nearest railroad office.
Ten residents of Waverly, who
wouldn’t do a day’s work for anything,
recently hauled over twenty cords of
wood to get a red squirrel that wasn t
there. Then they crack ed a command
ment. — Otvcfjo liecord.
Why is it that whisky straight will
make a man walk crooked?— Bouton
Globe. Why is it ? Why, it is because
you drink it. Did you never think o
that? You leave the whisky in the jug,
and it will not make you walk crooked.
Don’t blame the rooster for bragging
over every egg that is laid in the fami y.
Only human nature, nothing more. You
remember that when that bouncing boy
arrived at your house it wasn t the
mother who went about doing the crow
ing. . . ..
An Indian came to an agent m the
northern part of lowa to procure some
whiskv foi a younger brother who he
said had been bitten by a rattlesnake.
“Four quarts 1” repeated the agent with
surprise; “much as that? i*s,
replied the Indian, “four quarts; snake
very big.”
—lt is cruel to keep checking boys.
Little Frankie F. was .astride the sota
cushion. and was making his steed ap
parently take a 2:10 pace, with kicks
and sloshes of his whip, and yelling at
the top of his lungs Dis poor mother
bore it awhile, and then said, sternly.
•• I rankie: stop making a noise. Dnve
your horse if you b " t hI/ T’
still.” it wbc very quiet for a while,
nnd I rankio’e mother looked
see her hoc Atting nstr.de
, ushion, but the is the
nuke him go, m 1 ,/