Newspaper Page Text
T. J, LUMPKIN. Editor and Proprietor
VOLUME l.
Mexico has a mining excitenun
j which rivals the L?adville, Colorado,
craze. '1 he bonanza is at Parras, 720
! miles west of Matamoras, and so c’cse to
[ the boundary line between Durango.
Coahuila and Chihuahus, that all those
states are contending for the priz?. The
general government has taken possession
of it until it can be decided by actual
i survey in which state it is. The mines
are called Mojado, and yield both gold
and silver in such profusion that labor
ers are dost rting the crops to dig for
them, and the fever hat extended as far
as Matamoras
Enteuppise is sure to reap its reward
sooner or later. The r is Swi z rland
for example It is the smallest country
in Europe, and yet it has the biggest
mountains. While other countries were
equahbMng about increased territory,
F Switzerland stuck to real estate, which
it rightly considered the highest in the
market. This eurnn er over 1,400,000
strangers vieited the Alps, and a hand
some sum was taken in by the little
country in consequence. This visitation
exceeds that of any other year, and it is
to be hoped that the increased patronage
will induce the Swiss to fix up the Alps
with all modern improvements and see
that no expense is spared to merit a con
tinuance, etc.
When the preteut Pope was a Cardinal
he conceived tLe idea of pub'Lhing a
Catholic journal that should be an organ
In his church, and that could be read by
all the people of Europe and America
in their mother 'anguage. Sines bis
; elevation to the Pontificate, he has ex
‘ erted himself to start this newspaper,
and now announces that its first number
will be issued next month. It will be
printed ia sev u different languages; it
will dmutsthe political and economics
questions of the dsy, and (iiiciaily rep
resent the i-piniens of the Holy See.
Tee compositors are to be the deaf and
dumb pupils in the asylums of Home.
Alimonde will be the general superin
tendent, and the Pope is anxious that a
Cardin*.’ should be at the head of the
I editorial department The novel paper
will start with 42,0C0 sulscribers. Very
I hv o! this number are Italians.
A young Italian, who had been de
j ceived and rebbtd by an elder brother
\ recent y committed suicide in Rome
; This brother was a mar ied man and
i had a boy. Now, the young brother,
I from the moment that his elder brother
| deceived and robbed him, knew nopesce
I of mind for an intense temptation to kill
I his b:other's child. To escape this
I temptation he determined to kill him-
I self. And kill h mself he did. wen
| to bed one night with a bottle of ether
: and a wine glats by his bed side. He
i began by taking one wine glass of the
t ether, end then wiote his impressions
[ He thought that perhaps he would ri
pent ot his wish to kill his brother’s
I child. But, on the contrary, in propor-
I tion as he doubled bis doses the wish
I increased, and at the end of each phrase
Ihe repeated : “I have still a greater
1 wish to kill my brother’s child.” This
Bpontinued till the twelfth glass, when he
Bwrote : ‘M ty this be the last. I can
■write no more.” He died.
The privation in Gasgow, Scotland
■this winter prom'ses to be something
■ terrible. The Glasgow papers are lull of
■ devices for rui'igatirg the hardship that
■ already exists there. Herein the plan
which the Glasgow News presents for the
I help ol the families of the 30 000 work
| men who have nothing to do and no pros
I pect of having work .or months so come.
| The News says. "Open shops, some for
| receipt and others for the sale of articles
■ for the benefit of the unemployed. At
each center let it be advertised that goods
I can ti eie be deposited—coals, food,
I clothes, in fact, aught usable accepted
with t auks. Shops are too easily got
as so many are, unhappily, without oc
. cupanta. These would bo centeis of
If industry and compassion, preventers of
euicide and starvation. In add tion to
centra! depots for th more rough, ready
and needfui ar icles, let there be a
special department at which ladies’
work is received and sold. Paint ever
the shops, ‘Depot for Unemployed,’ or
This ‘Unemployed Saieshop.’ would
not injure ordinary salesshops to purchase
materials to be made up for ours Such
action would guarantee a four months’
ihumanity bazar.”
I Early next year Baltimore will
■celebrate the completion of ils water
■eupply tunnel. The tunnel ia seven
■miles in length ami about twelve feet in
■diameter. Upon the day of inspection
Bthe water will be turned on gradually
t the upper end of the tunnel and flow
Odde (jaunty §azetfe.
RISING FAWN, DADE COUNTY. GEORGIA, THURSDAY, OCTOBER 30. 1879.
through until about four feet deep at the
lowe T end. Several lorg loafs will then
be launched into the mouth of the tun
nel at the Lake Montebello end, in which
the party will make the trip through
the i unnel or water. They will be
prop lied by paddles i r shor
ars. By the time the party
has made half the distance the lower end
of tl e tunnel will ha completely filled by
the water, which will be slowly turned
on at the upper end during the trip.
Headlights will be placed on the boats
and at the arches, which will have been
erected where the fifteen shafts now are,
brilliant lights will be displayed and
large numbers will designate each shaft.
Every a raneement will b? made to pre
vent accidents, as the drowning of the
party, which, of course, will include
the city fathers, wouid be an inauspi
cious i pening of the great water works.
The trip up the subterranetn river will
be the first one ol thekinri e\>t made.
SOUTHERN NEWS.
Texas talk’is to the effect that things
thriving.
Vicksburg is to have a cotton exchange
and a board ot trade.
Arkansas wants river improvement,
and from the government.
There is much complaint in the South
bout irregularity of the mails.
At a negro revival in Pensacola a
woman lay on the floor for two days and
nights, apparently insensible, from excite
ment.
Oranges, lemons, olives and almonds
are to be cultivated in Florida soon by a
large number of Italian colonists, on their
way to that State.
The Avalanche complains that the
people of Tennessee have contributed to the
people of Memphis during the epidemics of
this and last year little else than advice.
It has been stated that the stench aris
ing from dead fish on Bayou Sale, La., is so
offensive that the people living in that
vicinity have been compelled to leave their
homes.
It is suggested that, if the supreme
court of Tennessee must pay the five millions
of past-due debt, the business men will pur
chase Fort Pickering and move their business
houses there.
At Rancho Grande, Texas, two high
waymen came into Brown’s store, bought
cartridges for their Henry rifles, turnejJ the
muzzle's in Brown’s direction and made him
hand over SSOO.
At LaGrange, Texas, a saloon-keeper
evades a Sunday law by assembling drinkers
in his saloon, when a chapter or two of the
Bible is read and discussed between copious
libations of beer.
William Beavor, of Louise county,
Virginia, on Friday last, tired of his wife,
tliust her into a spring, causing death by
drowning. The distressing feature of the
murder is their children are the only wit
nesses.
Every one knows that Congress is to be
asked to vote $5,000 to mark the grave of
Daniel Morgan, the hero of theCowpens, but
few know that the grave is in Mt. Hebron
cemetery, at Winchester, Va., with the slab
that once covered it now nearly carried off
by relic hunters.
- The Monroe (Tenn.,) Democrat says
that at the recent fair premiums were
awarded for a yield of 7,332 pounds of hay
from one acre of greund. One acre of bottom
land produced 199 bushels of corn and an
acre of upland 172LJ bushels.
A wild cat was killed a few days since
near Thoraasville Ga., after a very exciting
chase and a hard fight. It weighed twenty
two pounds. Before its death it had eaten
ten out of nineteen pigs belonging to Mr.
Sanford.
Two hundred pnotographs of the late
Gen. Hood and wife and their surviving ten
children have been presented to the New
Orleans Hood Relief Committee by a photo
grapher of that city. They were offered for
sale at the Hood benefit entertainment last
Friday night.
The cotton crop of South Carolina is
about half gathered. The average yield per
acre is 400 pounds,twenty per cent, less than
last year. The loss is equalized by an in
creased acreage. The weather during Sep
tember was favorable for the picking, but too
dry for the maturing of ihe top cotton.
New Orleans Democrat: The deaths
in this city during the past four weeks were
323; for the previous four weeks they amount
ed to 332. This is the lowest death-rate New
Orleans has ever enjoyed, and the lowest
summer mortality of any city in the Union,
being at the rate of seventeen deaths per
thousand a vear.
Jolm Eckman, of Fort Bend county,
Texas., has given much attention to the
production of honey, and isbegining to find
it remunerative, lie will have ten thousand
pounds of strained honey this season. He
has taken during the season 3 2 pounds from
one swarm, and will get another hundred
from the same hive.
The Picayune closes au encouraging
review of business in New Orleans with the
following remark: “Prospects were
never more encouraging for an active
winter, and at no time since the war
has a season opened more promise of enlarg
ed commercial relations, or more abundant
assurance of quick sales and remunerative
prices for our great staples.”
Montgomery Advertiser: A shocking
accident occurred at Sharpe’s mill about neon
yesterday. A little negro boy by the name
of Mason was carrying dinner to one of the
hands working at the shops near the mill,
when, in stepping across a shaft connecting
the ginnery to the saw-mill, the shawl which
the hoy had aiound him caught in the shaf
ting, and in a moment the shawl and boy
were twisted into a horrid mass. Death was
almost instantaneous.
Major Penn, a legal evangelist is
meeting with unbouded success ia Texas,
judging from the following from an exchange
concerning a recent convert: When the dev
il heard of Nat. Q.’s conversion he was might
ily well pleased. First, because the necessi
ty for his contemplated resignation in Nat.
ti.’s favor was obviated; second, because he
was relieved of the necessity, in any event, of
“ Faithful to the Right,, Fearless Against the Wrong.”
keeping “Nat. Q.” from tearing about over
the world of Erebus; and, third, because the
Devil was now assured of hope for his own
slavatioii.
Richmond, Va., letter: According to
the books of the First Auditor at this time,
the number of the white voters in the State
assessed for capitation tax is 17,000. Of
these 27,000 are delinquents. The number
45,000 have not qualified themselves to
vote by paying the poll-tax. One hundred
and forty-seven thousand white voters are
eligible. Against this number we have 65,-
000 blacks who can vote. The total assessed
vote of the State, both races, is 284,000. Of
this number 72,000 have not made themselves
eligible to vote.
Dallas Herald: W. Hangbrook, a
farmer of Clay county, accidently met his
mother in Dallas last week, after eighteen
years’ separation. At the outbreak of the
war he left Macon, Ga., came to Texas, and
subsequently entered the Confederate army.
At the close of the war he went to Mexico
with Shelby’s command, and returned to
Georgia after the fall of Maximilian. During
the war his mother remarried and moved to
the Trans-Mississippi. All traces of his
mother being lost, he came to Texas and
settled in Red river valley, came to Dallas
yesterday on business, ujpjcu .. t the hotel,
and this morning at breakfast was recognized
by big mother. There was a joyous scene.
His mother, again widowed, is a lady of
means. Hangbrook is well off.
MISCELL iNEOUS.
The capital dome at Hartford, just
gilded, has an area of 4,100 square feet, re
quiring 87,500 leaves of gold, 3 % inches
squire. The gold was 23 carats and weighed
3 Yi pounds troy.
The chief memorial of Charlotte
Bronte is now being demonished. A solemn
closing service was held in Haworth church
a fortnight ago, and in a few months a brand
new structure will rise upon its sight. The
village was crowded and hundreds had to be .
be turned away from the church doors. ,
Stephen A. Douglas, Jr.; of Illinois, and
Robert M. Douglas, of North Carolina, the
sons of Stephen A. Douglas, have recently
came into possession of about $200,000 by the
decision in their favor of a suit in the court
of claims for ttie recovery' of the proceeds
from a quantity of cotton belonging to their
father and confiscated in Washington county,
Miss., by the Federal troops during the war.
Tlie Songs of Scotland.
[Atlantic Monthly.]
There is a very general impression, es
gecially in England, that Burns created
cottish song, and that all .that is valu
able in it is his work. Instead of saying
that Burns created Scottish song, it
would be more trufi to say that Scottish
song created Burns, and that in him it
culminated. He was born at a happy
hour for a national songster, with a
great background of song, centuries old,
behind him, and breathing from his
childhood a very atmosphere of melody.
From the earliest times, the Scotch have
been a song-loving people, meaning by
song both the tunes, or airs, and words.
This is not the side which the Scotch
man turns to the world, when he goes
abroad into it to push his fortune. We
all know the character that passes cur
rent as that of the typical Scot, sandy
haired, hard-featured, clannish to his
countrymen, shrewd, cautious, self-seek
ing, self reliant, preserving, unsympa
thetic to strangers, difficult to drive a
bargain with, impossible to circumvent.
The last thing a stranger would credit
him with would be the love of song.
Yet when that hard, calculating trader
has retired from the ’change or the mar
ket-place to his own fireside, perhaps the
things he loves best, almost as much as
his dividends, will be those simple
national melodies he has known from his
childhood. Till a very recent time the
whole air of Scotland, among the coun
try people, was redolent of song. You
hear the milkmaid singing some old
chant, as she milked the cows in field or
byre; the housewife went about her
work or span at her wheel, with a lilt
upon her lips. In the Highland glen
you might hear some solitary reaper sing
ing like her whom Wordsworth has im
mortalized ; in the Low’land harvest field,
now one, now another, of the reapers tak
ing up an old-world melody, and then
the whole band breaking out into
some well-known chorus. The plow
man, too, in winter, as he turned over
the lea furrows, beguiled the time by
humming or whistling a tune; even the
weaver, as he clashed theshuttle between
the threads, mellowed the harsh sound
with a song. In former days song was
the great amusement of the peasantry,
as they of a winter night met for a ham
let-gathering by each other’s firesides.
This was the usage in Scotland for cen
turies, and lam not sure that the radi
cal newspaper which has superseded it is
an improvement.
One Eye That Was Allvays Drank.
[Fittsburg Loader. J
An Allegheny physician, who, in his
way, is a great wag, tells a story of a
North Side gentleman who for years has
suffered from periodical attacks of what
in medical parlance is known as superor
bital neuralgia. Quinine proved of no
effect, and the sufferer was almost crazed
with pain. A kind-hearted old lady
living in the neighborhood of the patient
informed him that if he would cut the
affected nerve with a pair of scissors or a
knife it would give him no further
trouble. It so happens that the super
orlwtal nerve is the one which controls
the action of the eyelid, and it further
happens that when a man is in liquor
this nerve becomes paralyzed, and it is
this that gives a drunken person such a
comical expression about the eyes. The
neuralgia patient no sooner heard what
lie supposed the welcome news from the
old lady than he repaired to his closet
and with a jack-knife parted in twain
the offending nerve, and he now greets
his friends with his right eye as sober as
a Quaker in a quarterly meeting, and
the left in a highly intoxicated condition.
It now only costs half as much a' it
formerly did to go on a bender.
A Pathetic Scene’in a Court-Room.
[New York Star.]
In the Fourth District Court, Brook
lyn, yesterday, Grace Winn accused her
liusband, William Winn, of abandon
ment. The case had a preliminary hear
ing on Friday, when Mrs. Winn, who is
only seventeen yearn of age, told a story
of how she had been cruelly used by her
husband, who is just nineteen, and who,
she alleges, had threatened to kill her.
She stated further that he had dragged
her about the room by the hair and
kicked her. The young wife was in
court yesterday, with a child about three
months old. Beside her sat a stout eld
erly lady, who was seen to be gazing in
tently at the child. Suddenly she arose,
and, walking over to an officer, said to
him: “See, look at that child!” The
officer went over to where Mrs. Winn
was sitting, looked at the child, laid hia
hand upon its little arm and exclaimed:
“ Why, the child’s dead!”
This was said in a loud tone and was
heard by mostly all of the persons in
court. Excitement followed, many of
the persons arising and crowding round
where the mother sat with the poor little
babe in her lap. For a moment the
mother looked bewildered, and then
burst into tears, wringing her hands and
moaning. The husband rushed over to
his wife’s side, lifted the babe gently,
and alter gazing at it for a while, re
turned it to the mother, while the tears
streamed down his face. The child was
taken to the Eastern District Hospital,
where it was found that a spark of life
still remained. The wife said that she
had been unable to receive proper food,
and in consequence lacked nourishment
for the child. Judge Elliott adjourned
the examination of the charge of abandon
ment for one week.
A Lone Centenarian.
I New York iittra.J.]
An aged woman with feeble step tot
tered into the Gregory street police
Station, in Jersey City. She was poorly
clad, and in her hand she carried a few
lead pencils. She said she was homeless
and without friends, and asked that
lodging be given her for the night. She
gave her name as Catherine Gorman, a
native of Ireland, and said that she was
in her 100th year, her centennial natal
day being in November. She came to
this country seventy years ago in com
pany with her husband and two young
sons. When her husband died, he left
her in comfortable circumstances, but
her boys were addicted to drink, and ab
sorbed her little property in satisfying
their appetites for liquor. Both were
long since dead, and she was
the world’s charity. Too
to beg or enter a charitable uaßtatkm,
she eked out a miserable liviiqf by wan
dering from place to place selling lead
Eencils. Yesterday she had ill luck, and
ad not made sufficient to pay for lodg
ing. She was assgned to the softest bed
in the station. She thanked the Ser
geant who wason duty fervently,and re
tired to her room, for several min
utes could be heard prayers.
Sensible Doctrine.
Itisnotacorrecmloctrine to teach hu
man beings that ira their duty to live
or.aslittle as possime; it would be bettei
to earn enough to live comfortably.
What is the use of creeping through life
feebly merely to save funeral expenses?
Let us claim a full and vigorous vitality,
when to breathe and live is a pleasure.
Either one is worth his keeping in this
world or he is not; if worth it, seize it
with a strong hand.
“ You ought to live on bread and water,
if your husband is not able to give you
any more,” said a maiden aunt to a
young girl in the presence of the man
she was about to marry.
“ I am worth my board and clothes to
anybody,” replied the girl; “ and if Joe
thinks he can’t afford them of good
quality, I know plenty who can.”
Joe thought he could, and kept up to
the record through life.
A Hardened Parent.
Charles P. Smith, of New Windsor,
Md., forged a note, fled from home, and
became a reckless wanderer. At length
he resolved to reform, and clandestinely
visited his old home; but his father or
dered him away, and declared a wish to
see no mo-'f of his body until the life
was out of it. Charles was lately
stricken down by consumption, at Tunli
kannock, I’a., and Rev. George T. Keller
to whom he told his story, sent the
news to his father, who declined to go
and see him. The clergyman tele
graphed: “In God’s name relent, and
take pity on the poor, dying hov. See
Luke xv., 11-32,” which p’-wsage tells the
parable of the Prodigal Son;'but there
was no answer, except the request to for
ward the remains when Charles vas
dead.
London’s Expenses.
The principal officers of the corpora
tion of London are paid as follows:
The Recorder {as Judge at Centra! Criminal
Court and at Lord Mayor's Court) $15,000
Registrar of Mayor’s Court, who is also As
sistant Judge 13,175
Tho Common Sergeant 12,750
Judge of the City of London Court, who is
also Commissioner 12 525
Comptroller and Frothonotary 10,500
City Solicitor 10,000
Chief Commissioner of l’oliue !),000
Remembrancer 7,500
Architect and Surreyor 7,500
Town Clerk 7,500
Head Master of City of London School 7,500
Registrar of Coal Duties and Inspector of
Fruit Metage 5,000
Solicitor to Commissioners of Sewers 5,000
The Lord Mayor is voted an annual
sum of 150,000, free of income tax, to
maintain his position; and in addition
to this he has his robes voted to him, and
has the Mansion House, tree of rent, to
live in.
“There is no place like Chicago,”
says a Chicago paper. That’s so, and a
lucky thing it is, too.
Texan Society.
Mr.'Frank A. Taylor, in Harper s Maga
zine, writes as follows:
A journey of several weeks’ duration
in the Lone Star state revealed the fact
that in the eyes of every true Texan the
particular location where he has taken
root is the focal attraction, the garden
centre of the earth, while the next town
is the antipodes of all that is good, great,
and prosperous. The native, ana the
man who came down in ’4G as a soldier,
remaining in the state through its short
lived era as a republic, and ever since,
hold themselves as a sacred aristocracy,
and however kindly their sentiments to
ward later occupants of the soil, they
cannot refrain from frequent allusion to
the peculiarly constructed laws, such as
the Homestead Act, which makes Texas
a desirable refuge for those who cannot
afford to live in a state where creditors
can squeeze hapless debtors between the
jaws of the legal vice. It is true that on
account of such laws the modem popu
lation contains a large percentage of men
who have tasted the bitterness of debt,
of seizure and distraint, and not liking
the flavor, have sought the friendly
shadow of Texan statutes and builded
anew.
The significant initials “G. T. T.”
(Gone to Texas), inscribed on the bolted
boor of an involved merchant, are ac
cepted as primafacie evidence that lie,
too, has bolted. It must not be inferred
from this that all who have located
within the domain of the Lone Star are
to he suspected of financial short-com
ings. Through the northern and central
portions of the state many well-to-do
farmers and merchants are found who
have migrated from the frost-lands of
Minnesota and Wisconsin to a region
which, at the worst, knows but a few
days of cold and snow in the course of a
twelvemonth. Such men have built up
a condition of society of which they are
justly proud, and jealous lest the sins of
the frontier, which have too often made
the name of Texas a synonym of lawless
ness, be brought to their doors. Ir the
cottage homes of such cities as Dallas,
Austin, Houston, and the metropolis of
the Western Gulf, Galvestonfthe chance
guest will find scattered about, thft cur
rent literature of the two worlds.
Libraries will be found replete with the
more erudite forms of publication, and
the daughters of the family may treat a
friend to selections from the newest
operatic compositions of the season. In
point of fashion, the costumes of the
ladies conform quite as closely to the
edicts of the modistes as do those of their
metropolitan sisters. The richly stocked
shelves of the merchants in wearing ap
parel prove that the finest productions
of the loom are in quite as active demand
here us the East.
Joaquin Miller Makes a Night of It
in the Sierras.
[Joaquin Miller in the Independent.]
To me the grandest poem on earth is
night in a deep, half tropical forest.
There is nothing so mighty, so Miltonic
as this, the myriad voices at night.
When I was living in the Southern
Sierras one of your greatest preachers
came that way. I, by chance, got to
talking to him of the voices and noises
high up on the mountains. He was
honestly amazed. He said he thought
the world slept in the wilderness; hut he
would find the world very much awake
if he would spend a night high up from
the habitationsof man. He was resolved
to see. And so, with two blankets and
two pistols, some bread and a bottle of
provisions, we climbed up the steep,
timbered mountain, a mile above any
habitation. We spread our blankets
under a mighty tree. We saw the day
fade and die on the far snow peaks, and
its ghost came down in darkness and
covered us with its wings. The first
thing we heard was a great, black bug
that came buzzing along. It struck the
tree and fell down on dAtor’s
blanket. Nothing dangerous bug.
The doctor was delighted. He caught
it up; classified it with a Latin name
big enough to kill it; put a pin through
ifc and resolved to keep it as a specimen
and a trophy of the night. Suddenly,
far across on the other mountain side,
there arose the howl of a hundred
wolves; then a thousand wolves high
upon the mountain-top made the woods
tremble. The doctor was not a bit
frightened. He only sat up a little bit
closer to me and whispered gently that
he thought it was going to rain. Then
a broad-winged bird, a black owl, struck
in the boughs above us, as if he meant
to tear down the tree. “I am subject
to rheumatism,” said the doctor, “ and
I don’t want to get wet.” Then there
came a crash! A great grizzly bear that
evidently had business in somebody’s
hog-nen, tore through the bush and
woods on his way to the settlement,
l’osssihly the doctor wanted the bear for
a specimen also, for he sprang up, forgot
his bug, and started for the nearest
house. He should have waited to see
the moon come wheeling up and out of
the Sierras, white and vast as the snow
peaks she laid her broad, bare shoulders
to, the white clouds; to hear the far,
faint call of the night-birds, the beasts
—the thousand notes in the poetry and
Bong of nature at night.
An Angel, But Ugly.
The other an old gentleman
advanced the proposition that never in
the course of his long life had he seen a
woman that was not charming.
“Oh, really, now,” said a lady whose
nose was of the purest Ukraine breed,
“don't you think I m ugly?’ 1
“Not at all madame,” replied the gal
lant old gentleman. “You are an angel,
fresh fall n from heaven, only you fell
on your nose!”
tyRMS i st.oo per Annum, in Advance.
NUMBER 52.
THE LOST HISS.
We met,
And yet
E’en as we met
The time had come for parting,
The train
That was to bear me off again
Was starting.
She grasped my hand and murmured low:
“ Oh, how I’ve longed to see you, Joel”
And, in a voice deep and profound,
I said: “ Why don’t you jiass ’em round?”
And then she rose
Upon her toes.
While l did fondly hover
Upon the step above her.
In vain;
That train—
II f may mention it again—
Was starting; ,
Oh, why should fate so interpoM
Itself between us and our bliss?
Her kiss
Lit on my nose.
Such was our parting.
—Boston Punch.
FACTS AND FANCIES.
Does a trilobitef
The almitey cheese.
Do sleeping cars snore?
Y t ’ever hear glas-sware?
Who ever saw bricks dust?
What does tobacco smoke?
At what does an oyster bay ?
Parts unknown: On a bald head.
Does a “ burning shame” make a big
fire?
Back yards : The trains of the ladies’
dresses.
Many a disordered liver is covered by
a nicely-ironed shirt.
vF.v.lv.w./.yv.twtw m\”.e*\.\.
— Rochester Express. We can knock the
spots out of the above:
Fly t i m e.—
Boston Journal of Commerce.
“ Don’t you think,” said a husband
in a mild form of rebuke to his wife,
“that women are possessed by the devil?”
“ Y'es,” was the quick reply, “as soon
as .they are married.”
A man who will coolly stand by and
see a fellow being try to unlock a
a lamp-post with his night-kev to the
front door, was built on a false’ founda
tion, and needs overhauling.
They told the old man his girl was
keeping a milliner store, and when he
went home and told it, all the neighbors
wondered what she kept a mill in her
store for.
“ Don’t be afraid to praise your ser
vants when they deserve it,” remarks an
exchange; but the minute the husband
tries that on the hired girl she has to
hunt for another situation.
Lord Beaconsfield frequently starts
in his sleep haunted by massacred officers
and weeping widows, and shrieks out:
“Hence! horrible shadow, unreal mock
ery, hence!” but they don’t hence.
“ Out on a fly”—as the affectionate
husband said when his wife jumped out
of the window.
If your wife object to kissing you be
cause you smoke, simply remark that you
know some girl who will. That settles it.
Tiie difference between a woman and
an umbrella is, that there are times
when one can shut up an umbrella.
Singular, hut a married man in a
street car can see the look of pretty
anxiety come over a pretty girl’s face
clear at the other end of the car the mo
ment she begins to fumble foi her fare
long before she is ready, but he can’t see
his wife down on her knees crawling
round in the straw feeling for the nickel
she had dropped, until the driver wraps
the lines about tlie brake and comes in to
help her.— Haw key e.
He asked her: “Going away?” “Yes;
going to the sea baths.” “What! in
such chilly weather as this? You will
never go into the water?” “ Oh, yes I
will; I’m all fixed up for that.” “Really?”
“ Y’es; I’ve had all my bathing dresses
trimmed with fur.”
“ Boy, don’t you know any better than
to he loitering around the. streets in this
way on this beautiful Sabbath day?”
said a Sunday-school teacher on his way
to his Bible class. “ Oh, my eye, I guess
I do, sir; I’m a goin’ fishin’ just as soon as
the other fellows come along,” exclaimed
the young hopeful.
Ir doesn't do any good to swear, but
f’ou can’t make a man believe it, when
le gets up in the morning and finds his
dog has chawed a hole in his boot.
After man, came women, and after
woman the and 1. That doesn’t sound
very elegant, but then there ia lots of
truth in it.
“ Beauty and booty,” says a White
hall young man, “is all right, except
when the daughter’s beauty is accom
panied by the old gentleman’s bootee.”
Statistics prove that women’s teeth
decay at an earlier age than men’s, which
conclusively proves that spruce gum is
more injurious than tobacco.
Monograms in Japanese designs on
note paper are very much used. An
other design is a long bar in silver, gilt
or bronze, from which are suspended the
letters of the name in small medallions.
Cards of invitations to parties where
out-door sports are to be indulged in,
Bhould bear a coat-of-arms formed of
hows, arrows, target, croquet mallets,
c irs and other implements of like de
scription. For yachting parties, the in
vitationa should bear the yacht flag and
urivate signal crossed.— Andrews’ Bazar.
There are many would-be aristocrat*
who have little more claim to blue blood
than the old Irishwoman, who, in bid
ding her son good-bye on his leaving the
parental roof, said: “ No, Jimmie, when
you get yer slitand, an’ haz yer peanut*
an’ yer apples shin’ like shtars in the
hivins all ip a row side by side, an’ the
giutlemens come along to buy, don’t for
git who yez are. Hould your head high,
for there’s great talk now about furrust
families, an’ as yC? doin’ up the bundles
tell thim yer grandfather was the furrust
man who iver set foot or squatted upon
the bogs beyont.’-