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LUMPKIN &. JORDAN, Editors and Proprietors
VOLUME 11.
The melancholy story brought back
from Liberia by the negroes who are
making tracks from that alleged African
paradise should be a warning to all col
ored Americans not to be beguiled by
the rose-colored tales of Liberian agents.
The American negro who goes there has
to contend with climate, poverty, cheap
labor, color line and deadly disease.
The Bank of England was incorpora
ted in 1649. It covers five acres of ground
and employs 900 clerks. There are no
windows on the street; light is admitted
through open courts. No mob could
take the bank, therefore, without cannon
to batter the immense walls. The clock
in the center of the bank has 50 dials at
tached to it. Large'cisterns are sunk in
the courts, and engines in jicrfect order
are always in readiness in case of fire.
Witch burning is not recognized as a
crime in Russia, although this is the
nineteenth century, and the age of holy
missions. Seventeen peasants of Nijni-
Novgorod met the other day and sol
emnly cremated an elderly female resi
dent in their neighborhood, who was sus
pected of black cat and broomstick ten
dencies. The court acquitted them all,
but directed three of them to. make their
peace with the church. 1
The discovery by explorers in Alaska,
that the Yukon river Is navigable for
steamers 2,500 miles, is important, and
places that stream among the largest riv
ers in the world. About 500 miles from
its mouth it receives a very Large naviga
ble tributary. The basin formed by the
confluence is 24 miles wide. The Yukon
is nearly as large as our Mississippi.
There is snow for six months, and with
out roads dog-sledges find good traveling.
Game abounds, and Indians have an easy
life.
Anew invention lias been tried with
success in London in the utilization of
the power generated in stopping street
cars for the purpose of re-starting them,
and thus saving the extra exertion of the
. OI I 10' rbbiri vaiK'e Ga coiiO* spi mg,'
which is wound up by the stopping of
the car, and, which, when released, acts
on the wheels so as to impart motion.
It acts, too, as an assistance to horses up
a steep grade, the power having been ac
quired in a preceding down grade and
kept stored in the spring until the energy
is required.
The strangestnews coming to us from
t Germany is that a learned doctor has
discovered a means of dyeing human
eyes any color he likes, not only without
injury to the delicate orbs, but, as he
asserts, with positive advantage to the
powers of sight. He can not only give
fair ladies eyes black as night, or blue as
orient skies by day, but he can turn
them out in hue of silver or of gold. He
says golden eyes are exceedingly becom
ing. Nothing goes down without a name;
therefore the German doctor calls his
discovery “Ocular Transmutation.” He
declareshimself quite ready to guarantee
s uccess and harmlessness in the opera
tion. ,
The commissioner of internal revenue
has handed in his annual report to the
secretary of the treasury for the past
year. The tables embodied therein show '
that during the past three years and
four months 3,117 illicit distilleries have
been seized, 6,363 persons arrested for
illicit distilling, and 27 officers and em
ployes killed and 18 wounded while en
gaged in enforcing the internal revenue
law. The commissioner says that the
State courts have taken cognizance of
these murders and assaults only in a few
cases, and they cannot be relied upon
to punish such offences. He therefore
recommends the enactment by congress
of a law authorizing the United States
courts to try and punish persons charged
with assaults upon United States officers
while the latter are engaged in the per
formance of their official duties. The
report shows that 5,448 distilleries were
registered during the past fiscal year, and
5,347 operated. During the special tax
year, ending April 30th, there were 49,-
000,000 .gallons of spirits rectified, and
during the fiscal year the taxes paid on
spirits withdrawn from the warehouse
aggregated $46,778,000. In discussing
the reduction of the tax on tobacco, the
commissioner says that during four
uonths of the present fiscal year the de
crease in receipts from tobacco and snuff,
as compared with the corresponding pe
riod last year, was $2,336,000. These
figures indicate a decrease for the whole
year of $7,000,000. The total produc
tion of tobacco and snuff in the United
States during the year was 131,000,000
pounds, of 12,000,000 over
the previous year The total amount of
collections from tobacco in all frms was
$40,00M,000.
pndc (Couutii (Cunettc.
RISING FAWN, DADE COUNTY. GEORGIA. THURSDAY, DECEMBER 11, J 879.
SOUTHERN NEWS ITEMS.
The Arkansas penitentiary contains
607 convicts.
One hundred telephones are in use in
Savannah, Ga.
The police of Charlotte, N. C., have
been uniformed.
The Jewish tair at Atlanta, Ga.,
c eared $6,000.
Augusta, Ga., ’’.as five railroad trains
each way daily. ,
Charlotte, N. C;, is about to start a
bellows factory.
Augusta, Ga., five railroad trains
each way daily.
The Mississipp Senate has only two
Republican mem "is.
The Mississippi senate has only two
republican members.
The cotton Cob of North Carolina is
nearly all picked out.
A Clement attachment is to be put in
operation at Madison, Ga.
Thirty counties in Virginia contain
more colored than white voters.
Greensboro, Ala., has doubled her
shipments of cotton since last year.
An immense eml mine was recently
discovered in Bienville Parish, La.
Twenty-six gin-liouses have been
burned to date in Georgia.
There are twenty-six white Baptist As
sociations in South Carolina.
The cotton factory at Tallahassee, Fla.,
uses 400 bales of cotton annually,
i The State of Texas boasts that she
owes leas than the city of Memphis.
An immense ’coal ’mine was recently
discovered in Bienville parish, La.
A grape-vine in Chester county, S. C.,
Imre a second crop of grapes this fall.
Hon. Alexander H. Stephens will lie
sixty-eight years old next February.
Aiken county, S. C., has more northern
visitors this seasor than ever before.
Buzzards are said to walk on the streets
of Leesburg, Ga., as tamely as chickens.
There were fourteen deaths last week
in Savannah, Ga., in a total population
of 32,656.
A policeman at Savannah, Ga., was
fined $3 the other day for smoking while
on iduty.
There were, fourteen deaths last week
in Savannah, Ga., in a total population
of 32,656.
Over $200,000' ■ hof cotton is locked
up at Griffin, < . .... r want of shipping
.**— v,
Turner E. Carter killed a wild cat in
Thomas county, Ga., which weighed fif
ty pounds.
Mississippi's next Legislature will
have a Democratic majority of 103 on
joint ballot.
Mai. J. P. H. Russ, ex-Secretary of
State of North Crrolina, died at Raleigh
on the 19th inst.
Oliver Causey, of High Point, N. C.,
has sold a gold mine to a Northern com
pany for $35,000.
A farmer in Talbot county, Ga., made
fifteen bales of cotton this year with the
aid of only one mule.
The muncipal authorities of Jackson
ville, Florida, are trying do get rid of
keno and faro-dealers.
A French capitalist has purchased 60-
000 aeres of land in Parker and Palo
Pinto counties, Texas.
The Chronicle says that Augusta, Ga.,
spinners do not thiuk very highly of the
Clement attachment,
A large black eagle, measuring seven
feet, one inch “wide,” was killed near
Durham, N. C., last week.
The banks at Charleston, S. C., are
paying gold over their counters, owing
to a scarcity of bank bills.
In Chatham county, Ga., outside of
Savannah, there are 11,450 colored peo
ple, and only 1,594 whites.
The public library at Americus, Ga.,
contains 1,000 volumes, and has a beau
tiful young lady for a librarian.
The special railroad tax of Tennessee
is only one mill, while the tax in Geor
gia is three and one-half mills.
The Chronicle thinks that the proposed
water-works at Knoxville, Tenn., will be
open next spring without a doubt,
A quantity of yoitng carp is being dis
tributed in the streams of Texas by the
Fish Commissioner - of that State.
Richard Wilson, of Catawha, N. C.,
manufactured this year 2,500 gallons ot
molasses from his own crop of cane.
The Galveston News boasts of a sweet
potato weighing sixteen pounds, grown by
W. A. Haynes, Chambers county, Texas.
By the will of the late Jacob Pensul
ger, of Roanoke county, Va., Roanoke
College, at Salem, receives about $lO,-
000.
The Chronicle thinks that the pro
prosed water-works at Knoxville, Ten
nessee, will be open next spring without
a doubt.
Atlanta has issued six per cent, bonds
to meet a pressing floating debt of SBBS
-and the bonds are being sold very
rapidly.
At the first of the week there were at
onetime thirty-eight vessels at Galves
ton, Texas, loading with cotton for for
eign ports.
Arrangements are being made already
to celebrate the centennial of the battle
of King’s mountain, N. C., which will
occur in 1880.
Hollis Beck, of Marion county, Ga.,
has a Vineyard which produced this year
thirty-nine barrels of wine worth two
dollars per gallon.
Pine Bluff, Ark., has a public school
building worth $20,000. Helena is talk
ing about putting up anew building of
the same kind.
“ Faithful to the Bight, Ffttrlegs Against the Wrong.”
IDLEXCSS.
BY HATTIE TYNG GRISWOLD.
Sorrento sleeping in the sun!
The dry cicala sings at noon,
A murmurous sound, as if it wer
The last sound, a-lute as soon.
All languid lies ’he lata lime tree,
l’he idling wind.li/U drowsy leaves,
And high above I list the hum
31 swallows building in the eaves.
The world has swept away from me.
My labor iu her marts seems done.
And naught is left me but a dream
Of fair Sorrento nod its sun.
A bus . idlei: s* of thought
Wide!’, dallies with *■• com, sand goes,
And hnnas upon my ,jt of life,
Its crowning gower—repose.
Too hard we strive, too much we seek,
Too tightly strain the chords of life,
And what is left us at the end
Of all our selfish care and strife?
A mind that’s burdened over much,
A heart worn out with serving long,
And having ir, it no response
Uuto life's music as Us song.
O lag a little, hurrying feet!
Lag Dy your work ere work be done;
Seek ve some where, where seek ye may,
Like me, Sorrento and its sun.
Fold hands, close eyes, aud waking dream,
A dream that idly comes or goes,
And feel that upon every height
Of life—as nature—lies repose.
THE EMERALD RING.
BY HKLEX LUQUKER.
Mrs. Ladis turned from her glass, radi
ant and beautiful, and said to her hus
band:
“ I hope, dear, you are satisfied with
me, you are so critical about my dress.”
Her lord condescended to sniilc upon
the pretty, pouting woman as he replied:
“ You are just splendid, Eugenia, and
born for rich robes, lace and jewel*. But
speaking of them, where is youi emerald
lung?”
“ In nay jewel box, of course, *
“ No it is B®t”
“How do you know, Edward?” asked
•lie, elevating her eyebrows in surprise.
“Because I looked for it, and you
know it is not there, but on the finger of
that insufferable coxcomb, Ellery!”
“ Edward, what do you mean?”
“Just this; if his attentions and
admiration of you are not less pro
nounced and your pleasure thereat less
apparent I will thrash the puppy, that is
Mr. Ladis had worked himself into a
Sassion of jealousy, and his line eyes
ashed with anger as he stood confront
ing his now indignant wife, who, word
less, turned to her dressing bureau and
began a hasty search lor the iia&.
ing to flash back a denial to the unjust
suspicions of her husband. But the
valuable jewel was gone! For a moment
the lady stood with one pink finger
pressed upon her rosy lip in a vain men
tal cogitation* as to where she had last
worn it.
Together with a large party of city
friends they were sojourning at ono
of the fashionable summer mount
ain resorts, and the days were spent
in picnics and rambles, and the
nights upon the balconies or in moon
light promenades. She recollected
that only the previous evening she had
walked with young Ellery; perhaps he
had been a trifle too attentive, and as
the ring was large for her slender finger he
had, as a bit badinage and to tease her,
slipped it from off her hand and was
openly wearing it, and her husband was
eo suspicious and jealous that should he
see it upon the gentleman’s finger there
would be an unpleasant encounter.
These reflections caused her to turn upon
her husband a rather flushed face, and
with downcast eyes, she said:
“ I am ready to go down to dinner,
Edward.”
“ Come, then,” he returned in his
most rigid manner, “ and remember I
forbid you to receive eveu the most
trivial attention from Ellery.”
“ You are unjust, and your suspicions
cruel.”
“ And your pretended search for the
ring is entirely too elaborate and over
acted; and 3 r ou may as well be informed
that not two hours ago I saw the emerald
upon the hand of that idiot.”
“And I protest,” she answered, draw
ing herself up to the most queenly
height, “ that if Mr. Ellery has possession
of the ring, I do not know how he ob
tained it. But I shall ask him for it at
once, and return it to you;” and hastily
stripping oft - all the costly gems from
her slender white hands and placing
them in her jewel-case, she continued:
“ and I make a solemn vow never to wear
one of these baubles, these gifts of
yours, until you have taken back your
cruel words and relieved me from your
unjust and jealous suspicions.”
“ And I forbid you speaking to Ellery
upon any conditions, unless you would
have me kick the scoundrel out of decent
society,” replied her angry husband, as
the regal woman coldly took his k>roffered
arm and was led to the table d'hote.
How splendidly and coyly did the
young wife demean herself that evenL' g.
Bhe had not the ghost of a smile for a
single one of her many admirers, though
she discussed eloquently of art, science
and music, and succeeded in keeping
Ellery at more than arm’s length, and
with a haughty bow refused his hand for
t#danee.
And afterwards, as he and a friend
were smoking their latest cigar for the
night, he said: “ I’ll bet the champaigne
that Madame Ladis has had a conjugal
tiff with her savagely jealous husband.”
!! Such is married life," was the laugh
ing reply.
“ Give me freedom and bachelordom
before such flashings of cold scorn as
that lady showered upon her husband
from those wickedly beautiful eyes, at
some remark he made upon social pro
prieties.”
“Oh, he is a jealous dog, and his wife
will not lead a happy life with him, I
fear. But as Tupper has it:
“ See then that ye loye in faith, acorning petty jeal
ousies.
For Satan spoileth too much by souring it with
doubt,”
or keep to your resolution, old fellow,
and cling to a bachelor life,” advised
Ellery, ,ts he said good-night.
The next day, according to anange
ment, there was to be an excursion to a
famous glen, and Mr. and Mrs. Ladis
came down arrayed in picnic costume,
and th. excessive politeness of the hus
band and the proud disdain of the wife
convirw >d the observant Ellery that the
qua/re .had not ended.
All i, tea ns of conveyance had boon
press/-'q, into service to transport the
hotci to their destination, and
Mrs. J assisted into an ample
“ Dem '/rat” wagon just as a telegram
was ha tied to her husband, who, after
readinj it, approached his wife and
said ■
** 1 sh ill not be aide to go with you to
day, E genia; I shall have to go to the
station and reply promptly, and may be
compelled to run down 'to* the city upon
important business.”
The uce of the lady paled a little at
the coK announcement of a separation
which, (hough brief, would be the first
since ( jeir marriage: and as that flashed
upon bfr the fine eyes grew misty and
her lov ng woman’s heart forgiving, and
bondir,’; down to him as he stood by the
wagon, she whispered:
“1 a. iso sorry. It will spoil the day
for me. Cannot I go with you.”
“No I shall be running about, and
you Wwuld only be an incumbrance.
Good Lye.”
He vas turning away without oven a
hand *Basp, when she reached out her
white, hapely and ringless one and said:
“Good bye, then, Edward; surely we
have nfit been married so long that we
may ne t shake hands.”
He glanced coldly at the proffered
member and replied in a tone so low
that she alone could hear:
“You have registered a vow, I be
lieve; so have I, and trust we will Dot
again join hands until vou put on your
rings, at least the wedding one,” and
with the words ho turned upon his heel
and walked away.
The je was a great lump in the pretty
white throat of the young wife and a
mist before her eyes; but she managed
to sup tress and hide her feelings in the
busth Hind confusion of starting, and to
send jt a ripple of musical laughter at
so\ • •Cjdinage as her husband drove off,
“i. especial benefit* for woman
■v Ibt /e ■,.T\;ffg"a’na forgiving g lu
ing by nature, yet the best Jjrthmn can
be provoking and spiteful yfron provoca
tion—and Mrs. Ladis was no exception
to the rule.
The day wat passed as usual upon
such occasion There was much fatigu
ing search after a little enjoyment;
much climbing -of rocky heights and
clambering over , rough and slippery
ways; sitting mossy, damp
and bug-sheltering piling with cramped
limb* upon cold viands aud with limited
facilities; for either somebody had for
gotten the spoobs or cups, and all were
kcuprised that ?Yhey never once thought
of forks!” Bat their appetites were
sharpened by exercise and all discom
forts made light of, and the deluding
creatures went home declaring they had
had “ such a splendid time.”
lii this instance the wagon in which
Mrs. Ladis was returning (with many
others) broke down upon the rough
road, and the others had to take in tlio
ladies, leaving many of the gentlemen
to walk, and it so happened that Mrs.
Ladis was assigned a seat in the buggy
with young Ellery, he having driven
out alone. She knew well enough her
husband would be furious over it, but
she was not going to render herself
ridiculous by declining a simple and
necessary courtesy.
Yet as they rode along she felt im
patience and chagrin at the accident
which had thrust her upon her com
panion.
“ The whele day has been to me an
unpleasant one, aud I wish I had re
mained at home,” she said.
“ 1 wish Mr. Ladis could hear you,”
laughed Ellery. “He would vole you
the most devoted of wives and his con
jugal soul delight in the snubbing you
inflict upon your gentlemen friends.”
“ I suppose I ought to be exceedingly
grateful to you, Mr. Ellery, for the
privilege of being driven home by you,
but I do not feel very kindly disposed
toward you at present.”
“ Why, Mrs. Landis?” he interrupted.
“ What have I done to merit vour dis
pleasure? I have noticed all day your
avoidance of me, and with what reluct
ance you accepted a seat in my car
riage.”
“ I have lost my emerald ring, sir, and
I am told that you have been seen wear
ing it and knowing, if so, that it must
have fraudulently come into your posses
sion, I must have naturally felt indig
nant, especially as my husband is angry
thereat.”
“ I regret to be a cause of annoyance
to you,” returned he, and while speaking
took from his pocket an emerald ring
very unlike the one in question. “ You
eee, madame, that your jealous and sus
picious husband —”
“ Hush! I will not hear a word against
him,” interruped the lady. “ I have
lost my ring, and it was but natural he
that he should think—”
“H is wife was a giddy flirt, having
denied any knowledge of the where
abouts of the missing jewel, and insist
ing, I presume, that I had it with your
sanction.”
“ Mr. Ellery, I will never speak to you
again if you say another word against
my husband,” she replied, with indig
nant tears springing to her eyes.
“lam not likely to have the oppor
tunity, madam, for there comes your
lord and master after the wife he neither
honors nor trusts.”
Nothing could have exceeded the sur-
Erise of Mr. Ladis when they met, to find
is wife being escorted home by Ellery.
They had started in advance of the rest
of the company, and consequently the
husband had no knowledge of the acci
dent which had thrust her upon him.
And the flushed face and indignant
manner of the lady he at once construed
into signs of guilt at detection, for he
well knew his coming must have been
neexpected, she supposing him to have
gone to the city. “ I will relieve you of
my wife, sir,” said he !n liis most icy
manner and with an angry flash darken
ing his face. As Ellery assisted the
lady from liis carriage to that of her
husband some imp of darkness must
have prompted his words, for he said:
“That’s the way with you husbands.
You won’t let another fellow take even
one step into your Elysium without put
ting in an unwelcome appearance.”
Wordless, and with fierce anger dart
ing from his eyes, Mr. Ladis struck his
spirited horses as they were in the act of
turning, and in answer to the stinging
stroke, they swerved aside, the carriage
overturned with a crash, the occupants
were thrown violently to the ground,
and the animals, freed from restraint,
dashed away with the carriage clattering
at their heels.
In an instant Ellery sprang to render
assistance, found Mr. Laclis stunned and
his wife wholly unconscious and appar
ently dead.
“ Help will be bore presently,” said
Ellery, and in a few words explained the
accident that bad caused Mrs. Ladis to
be in his company.
Forgetting every doubt and grievance,
the young husband held liis wife in his
arms, gazed upon her death-white face,
and frantically called her name and
begged her to speak buka single word.
Help came at last, and they bore her
home but partially revived and laid her
in that unconscious statirupom her own
bed. The physician who had been sum
moned pronounced her in great danger
from contusion of the brain. Wearily
and slowly the hours dragged along to the
young husband, ever a watcher by her
side.
Tortured by her sufferings lay the
poor woman with her spirit wandering
ever in a dream land peopled by her
husband s doubts of her, his accusations
which she attempted to refute in mlit
terings of indignant protest, and the lit
tle hands wandering over the bed in
search of the ring; often finding it in
imagination, with sighs of contentment,
only to be followed by its loss again or
some new trouble or misunderstanding
between herself and her dearly beloved
husband; and all the while her eyes had
an unearthly brilliancy, her face flushed,
her lips ashy, and even moving. At
last the physician forbade the presence
of Mr. Ladis.
“ I will not answer for her life unless
you leave the room,” he said. “ Your
presence constantly keeps up the excite
ment; your voice increases her delu
sions.”
“ I will do asyou bid me,” returned the
agonized husband, “ provided you pro
mise to uotify me of any change the in
stant it occurs.”
The promise given, young Ellery, who
had been in constant sympathy with arid
ministration to Mr- Ladis, led him to his
ow’n room, placed him upon a couch and
attempted to lead his mind away from
the cause of anxiety, in nervous ex
pectancy that would not admit of repose,
Ladis tossed about the tassels and fin
gered the hem of his dressing-gown.
“ There is something in this corner,”
he said; and taking his knife, lip made a
small incision and out roV%d tfm missing
ring of liis wife! Then he cotuinuecLal
most wildly: “I remember now; Eu
genia sewed up a r.ent in the garment the
very day she lost the fatal ring. It was
always large for her and required a
guard. She had neglected to put one on
and the emerald must have slipped
from her finger. And I, miserable
wretch that I am. tortured her with
doubts and mistrust, and if she dies I
shall have been her murderer!”
In vain Ellery attempted to cheer and
speak words of hope. But springing to
his feet Ladis paced the floor rapidly aud
continued:
“ I tell you, but for my ceaseless
jealous rage, my poor wife would not
now be lying there a victim of that acci
dent. If she dies, I shall have been her
murderer, and cannot, will not, survive
her.”
“ You must not yield to this mad
ness,” said his friend. “ True, you have
cruelly wronged your wife, and are but
receiving a justly merited punishment,
and must submit to the blow; and
should the worst come and seal a life
separation, it would be better for you
both than the life you had commenced
to inaugurate with that pure, sensitive
and trusting woman.”
“ I know it; God help me!” exclaimed
the contrite, broken-hearted man, as he
sank into a chair, and covering his face
with his hands, wept repentant tears—
that balm of C |lead for a tortured soul.
Long hours passed before Mr. Ladis
was summoned to the side of his wife.
She had at last sank into a quiet and
peaceful slumber, and he was permitted
to watch alone by licr bedside for the
same awakening the physician had pre
dicted was to follow.
The blackness of night nad faded into
the rosy dawn of anew - day, before she
opened her eyes to meet the loving ones
bending over her. There was a silent
meeting of lips; whispered words of
TERMS si.oo pr Annum, in Advance,
NUMBER 6.
assurance and thankfulness from the
husband, as he bedewed her hands with
tears and covered them with kisses.
In reply she only whispered lowly and
trembingly, though joyfully:
“ Bring me my rings, Edward.”
He did as she had requested, and
slipped them one by one upon the poor
white hands, even to the last emerald,
and sealed them with a kiss, explaining
briefly how the missing one had been
found. And at last, when Mr. Ellery
came with the physician for tidings of
the invalid, they found her slumbering
sweetly with her head upon the breast
of her husband, whose face smiled upon
them unspeakable joy and thanks for the
life preserved and their kind administra
tions.
Since that hour, life has glided for
them as a peaceful stream, with no vain
coquettishnesa upon the part of the wife,
and no jealous doubts on that of the
husband.
WiJIS AND WHIMS.
The most welcome breakfast Dell is a
punctual wife.— Cincinnati Trade List.
A spendthrift’s purse, like a thun
der cloud, is constantly lightning.
A midnight broil—oysters for two
after the opera is over.
Where there’s smoke there's some
fire, and often a mighty poor cigar.
If Noah was a consistenr. Jew what
nduced him to take Ham into the
Aik?
It is a peculiar feature of the butter
market that a bad article ouranksa good
one.
It is no sign that a hen meditates evil
to her owner simply because she lays for
him.
“Can love die?” asks Mrs. Nealy in
a recent poem. It can not, though it
gets dreadfully adjourned occasionally.
A gentleman in conversation said
that his dogs were Al. Shouldn’t they
be rated K 9? Certainly they 028.
Patent medicines are ripe,
though some of their advertising agents
are a little fresh.
Song of the street gamin with a dis
carded stub between his lips: “ I’m
called little butt-takc-up.”
Kentucky has a ghost that whistles.
The natural inference is that it is out of
the wilderness.
Talk about Irish traits, but haven’t
the Germans their beer-in straight?—
Saturday flight.
AN exchange says: “There is no
royal road to matrimony.” Correct; both
king and pauper have to waltz right up
to the Captain’s office and interview the
old man.
A young lady named Ruth, after being
knocked down and trampled upon by a
horse, picked herself up and walked
home unassisted. This proves that
Ruth crushed to earth will rise again.
A strolling theatrical company was
at the dinner table. A waiter approached
one of the members and said. “(Soup?”
“No, sir,” said the person addressed, “I
am one of the musicians ”
A Connecticut man recently said:
“ Lend mo a dollar. My wife has left
me, and I want to advertise that I am not
responsible for her debts.”
Nothing makes one so happy in this
world as work, excepting, of course,
pleasure, including eating, drinking, and
sleeping.
“ How dare you swear before me?”
asked a man of his son, recently. “ How
did I know you wanted to swear first?”
said the spoiled urchin.
“If you don’t want to be robbed of
your good name,” says the Minneapolis
Tribune, “don’t have it printed on your
umbrella.”
Sir Garnet Wolsely calls newspaper
men “ drones.” The term is a foolish
one. Newspaper men are the buzziest
men going.
An impecunious actor, who strayed
into an auction store, called the auc
tioneer’s hammer Banquo't ghost because
it would not down at his bidding.
A little girl who was sent out to
look for eggs came back unsuccessful, and
complained that “ there w’ere lots of
hens standing around doing nothing.”
“ I have a love letter,” said the ser
vant girl to her mistress. “ Will ye rade
it to me? And here is some cotton wud
ve stuff'in yer ears whoile ye rade it?”
A gentleman was in this city, last
week, trying to introduce paper' shirts
for winter w T ear. We don’t know, but
it seems to us that a shirt made of a
story paper would have too many tales.
A schoolmistress asked a child what
s-e-e spelt. The child hesitated. said the
teacher: “ What do Ido w - hen I look at
Mr. Smith?” “ Thquint,” replied the
pupil.
Our advice to the fair ladies is, better
make a pet of your husband than of
your pup dog. The husband may get
mad, but he never—that is hardly ever
—bites, and if he does, he can’t give you
the hydrophobia.
A WELL-KNOWN minister repudiates
the received theory that there is music
in heaven. He declares that his choir
has given him so much trouble on earth
that the idea of music in the world to
come is wholly repugnant to his ideas of
eternal peace and rest.
“ I’m going on a journey, pa,” the
printer’s daughter said, and as he
thought of losing her, tears sad and salt
he shed, but when he soon discovered
her upon a workman’s lap, “this is the
jour-knee that I ieant,” she said unto
her pap.
An American tourist was visiting
Naples and saw Vesuvius during an
eruption. “ Have you anything like
that in the New World?” was the aues
tion of an Italian spectator. “No,” re
plied Jonathan, “but I guess we have a
mill-dam that would put it out in five
minutes!”