Newspaper Page Text
EIGHT
SEASON'S INITIAL FUN BREAKS
OUT AT THE GRIDIRON DINNER
Leaders in Nation’s Life Gather at Festive Board Saturday
Night-- Satire and Skit Abounds---Strict Observance of
the President’s Injunction to Refrain From Discussion of
War Issues - Uncle Sara’s Grievances Given Full Airing.
Wasington—Members of the rabiner.
ronsrosFinpn, diplomatists and leaders
of all activities of the nation's life
gathered round tho board boro Satur
day night at the Gridiron Clubs win
ter dinner.
President Wilson's earnest injunc
tion to the American people to re
frain from public discussion of war
issues was strictly regarded and the
location of every one of the ninny
satires and dramatic skits was always
within the shore lines of the two
oceans which bound the Americas.
Uncle Sam's wards were given full
opportunity to air their grievances, for
the most part In song In a gathering
described as "Uncle Sam's Jubilee."
PREMATURE
BALDNESS
/ / / / Prevented by
CUT!CURA
SOAP
Shampoos followed by occa
sional dressings of Cuticura
Ointment. These super
creamy emollients do much
for dry, thin and falling hair,
dandruff and itching scalps,
and do it speedily, agreeably
and economically.
Samples Free by Mail
Cuiirura Soar and Ointment aolii throughout tha
world. 1 llieral Rumple of ear'll matted free, with .'I2'P.
baok. Addreaa "Cutleura." !>*pt 2AII. Itnaton
Balk’s Bargain
Sale
OF
Ladies’ Skirts
and Cloaks
•Made of Heavy Wool Kerne*, Broad
Cloth*. Boucler ami Other Wool
Material,
$2.60 Skirts at jfcl 57
SB.OO Skirts at $2 OO
$8.50 Skirt* at 22 33
$4.00 Skirt* at jfc2 07
$5.00 Kkl’-t* at £3
$6 00 Skirt* at $4 Q()
LADIES CLOAKS.
$5.00 Cloak* at JR3 53
$6.00 Cloak* at J 4 f)Q
$7.50 Cloak, at *5 00
$9 00 Cloaks at *0 OO
$12.00 Clonk* at JtK ()()
We also offer a lame line of pretty
and useful articles suitable for
Christmas Gifts
SUCH AS
Ladies' Initial llandkerchlefa. 8
in fancy box for 25C
Men's Silk Initial Handker
chief* at, each |QO
Silk Muff era at, each 50''
Indies' Crochet Khan la
,roni 25C tc *1 so
Infants' Mittens and Bootees,
from IOC to 250
Children'* Fur Seta,
«* *1 50 to #4 OO
Ladle#’ White Fur Seta
to 00 c Si 2 OO
Children's Knitted Glove* . . 25C
Men * Gloves and Gauntlets,
tTo ' n 25 to il OO
Mena and ladles' Sweater*
trom 50c t< S 4 OO
Cloth Kittens. Dog*. Elephants.
w 5C and IOC
Chlldren'a Hat* 50<’ t. tl 50
Ladles' and Misses' Mata,
from 7lie to *2 50
Beautiful Flower*, a bunch.
from 25C to tl 50
WE GIVE PURPLE
TRADING STAMPS.
C. J. T. BALK
600 Block Broadway.
The negro complained of the work
ings of the civil service Tkw which
"has sentenced more good i olored vo
ters to the levees and cotton fields
than any oilier peonlcioua legislation."
Me also deplored the new primary laws
and to the air of "Old Uncle Ned," he
sang:
‘‘Old Uncle Ned."
"There was an old delegate, his name
was Uncle Ned,
He lived long ago, long ago.
lie went to conventions whenever he
was bid,
And that’s Imw he lived, long ago.
Clli IRUS:
"Then lay down the shovel and the
hoe,
And hang up the fiddle and the how.
There's no more work for poor Uncle
Ned,
The primaries laid him low."
The farmer was another ward with
a complaint, lie wanted a. bunch >f
greenback*. Up home he had a shed
full of squashes and wanted the treas
ury to issue circulating notes on them.
Two other wards were Colonel Watter
son and Colonel Harvey. They had no
grievances, but expressed their con
tentment in a song, the. refrain of
which was:
"I've come hack, come hack,
I've come hack Dear Deader to thee,
to thee,
I've come hack, come hack,
I've come hack Dear Deader to thee."
Among other wards, Alaska wantel
to be shielded from exploitation of
eapltfiliHts; Hawaii called attention to
Queen I.lliuokalani's lack of pension;
Uorto Rico wanted more government
Jobs and a duty on sugar, and Filipino
wanted to know when ho would grow
up and be independent. When the
latter was chided and told ttiat he
must not get hasty, he replied;
“Hasty! It’s Musty,”
“Hasty! I'm getting musty."
The politician complained that taxes
had been laid on business papier, chew
ing gum, billiard rooms and circuses,
while whiskey had gone Scot free, be
cause tlie hill had been passed In
October and Ihe election was in No
vember, arid in a burst of satire he
sang:
“If you have lo lay a tax,
Don't put It onto rye.
I’ut II onto luxuries.
Hut keep it off of rye.
Slick ;t onto chewing gum,
(ir billiard cues, says I,
But, for tho love of Mike, I beg you.
Keep It off of rye."
A realistic prize fight was staged In
the center of the dining hall and the
spectators wire treated to a lively
mill. The slake was “a large house
located at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue,"
and tlie principals were "Kid Demo
cracy" and “Old (J. O. P.” the referee
being "Bull Moose," who announced
his ability to lick both of the two
old parties. His decisions had never
la rn questioned, “even when overruled
by the supreme court."
Senate in Movies.
A moving picture show enlivened the
proceedings, representing “the greatest
dellverHtlvs body on earth; the United
States Senate" In session, hut the gen
eral effect was greatly marred first,
by a strenuous objection to such an
undignified encroachment upon the
bod\ and when that had been removed
by the Insertion of his own am* Into
the advertisement, by the fact that
Senator Ollle .lames persisted in stand
'ng up and thereby blotting out the
remainder of the picture.
Following Its Invariable rule, the
Gridiron Club Initiated, In the pres
ence of its many guests, n new mem
ber William lv ltrlgbam. Washington
correspondent of the Boston Tran
script, who was described ns "a. Jour
nalist who would like to get into an
association of newspaper men.” An
swering questions he said that he wan
"tn pretty good standing in Secretary
Bryan's anteroom.”
Mandalay and Oyster Bay.
A Roosevelt song, to the tune of
"I'm on My Way to Mandalay" follow
ed with this chorus:
"I'm on my way to Oyster Bay,
Beneath my sheltering roof I’ve gol
to stay.
I sing a song,
Of things gone wrong.
I'm no longer trusted.
They have got me flustered.
Amt the Big Stick's busted.
That's why I'm on the way to Oyster
Bay,
I’ve come to say goodbye.”
“Old Home Week.”
“Old Home Week" hrought together
some old spirits under the kindly ey*
of the Goddess of Liberty on an ele
vated porch, who had come to wel
come them from her station on the
dome of the capttol. Uncle Joe Can
non was among the first arrivals, and
when asked how long he was going to
stay replied:
“Well; I didn't buy no return tick
et.”
Cy Sulloway, another returning con
gressman. announced that up his way
"the hunting Is poor, all the Bull
Moose have been killed off.” When
Nicholas ljongworth appeared. Cannon
Inquired:
"How's ,he family. Nick? Bring
'em all to the celebration?”
l.ongworth- "All except father-in
law,"
Cannon "Why don't you persuade
him t stay tn some of those lonesome
places he writes about?”
l.ongworth--"There ain't no lone
semer rlaee than Oyster Bay right
now."
When told that Secretary Daniels
had abolished the win* mess on war
ships during hts absence from Wash
ington, Sulloway exclaimed:
"That means no more Inspection
cruises by the naval committee.”
When Cannon learned that the Am
erican troops had been withdrawn
from Vera Crur November 28 be de
clared: "I thought I heard firing op
that day. It must have been thol
salute to the flag."
Other Skits.
Other «k!ts portrayed the adequacy
of the United State* army as viewed
by Representative Gardner; the Fede
ral Reserve Board tn full action try
ing to "abfustloate" the newspaper re
porters and a mock rehearsal of ths
Gridiron Club Itself And emulating
the publication of the European chan
cellories. the club caused to be placed
at each plate "The Blue Paper" cor
respondence relating to tbs campaign
preceding the outbreak of hostiltltn*
on November Brd, 1914, and th. fatali
ties lacldaat
i $ a tti *
if '
; M
g
/#
/ The Best Shoe Value in the it
§ World at Regular Prices-- I
jf tor a Limited time Reduced I
|k to ACTUAL COST ft
$2.50 Men and Women's Shoes 4
\ $3.00 Men and |
p Women’s Shoes ft
rHE AUGUSTA HERALD, AUGUSTA, GA.
I 1 I Win |i IIHWP i*
|Bp. j\o * ,
11 (>^H^
SUNDAY, DECEMBER 13.