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UUtlc sV'cirs. TRENTON, GEORGIA. Tfiie famous bread of Turin, known as Grassini, through its inventor, is a pecu liar feature of foreign life lately intro duced here by a Swiss cook. The Rev. Nathan Smith, of Ackworth, Ga., has preached the Gospel for moro than fifty years, lie is a well-preserved old gentleman of seventy liye. Cats are found to be the best extermi nators of rabbits in New Zealand. They do great havoc among the young ones, and in some sections scarcely a rabbit is to be seen. Parisians have been amusing them selves with a “Ham Fair,” at which booths were filled with sausages, hams and lard, and are now enjoying a “Gin gerbread Fair,” say the correspondents. Plantations of roses on a large scale are to be established in the Caucasian provinces of Kutais, with a view to in troducing there the manufacture of attar of roses, for which Russia now has to depend upon Bulgaria and Turkey. 't he Russian census reports slate that the population of the Empire is 109,- 000,000. There were 40,204 deaths by violence, 02,000 fires, 3371 distilleries, 132,000 wine and beer shops. 245 sugar refineries, 8 universities, 38,531 Ortho dox churches, 1287 Catholic, 708 Prot estant, 349 synagogues, and 3957 mosques An alien may vote in Wisconsin, Minnesota, Alabama, Arkansas, Colo rado, Florida, Indiana, Kansas, Louisi ana, Michigan, Missouri, Nebraska, Ore gon and Texas. Residence in the State for three months only is required in Michigan. Minnesota and the other States require either six or twelve months. In the other States only citizens are per mitted to vote. Since the war, remarks the Scientific American , the Yankee sailor has gradu ally disappeared, there being no more excitement or prize money in the life; though there is good reason for the be lief that the fact that he could, because of his intelligence, earn more money ashore had much to do with his quitting the sea. At the present time the Yankee man o’-war’s man is almost as extinct as the dodo. More than half of the people of the United States—men, women and chil dren—wear shoes that come from Bos ton. That is ihe headquarters of the boot and shoe industry for the whole country —the centre from which the marketable product of the great manu facturing towns thereabout is dis tributed. The population of these towns is chiefly made up of workers in the huge shops, which turn out foot gear at the rate of nearly 100,000,000 pairs every year. “ Since Mrs. Cleveland became the President’s wife,” says the Chicago Herald, “she has to wear gloves two sizes larger than she wore before she was married. Her left hand is very little if any larger, but the right hand, which has done so much shaking in its official capacity, is noticeably larger than the other, and she recently told a friend that it was impossible for her to wear her old number in gloves. The same is proba bly true of the President, but as men wear their gloves so much looser than women, he might not know it by that means, but if he compares his two hands he will see a difference. ” It has been decided to mark the spot in the old hall of the bnited States House of Representatives where ex-Iresident John Quincy Adams, then a member of the House, fell stricken with appoplexy on February 21, 1845. The architect of the Capitol has been able to locate the exact spot then occupied by Mr. Adams’s desk, by which he was standing when he was stricken down, and he has pre pared a small round bronze table bearing the inscription: “John Q. Adams, February 21, 1845,’’and in the center the word “Here,” which will be fixed in the tiling of the floor. This will appear like answering a roll call. I The New York branch of the Hydro graphic Office of the United States Navy has received reports from some twenty sh.pca, tains who recently sighted whales in the waters near the coast from the Grand Banks to Cape llatteras. Captain Owens, of the steamship lowa, saw eight large whales in one day, in north lati tude forty-two, west longitude sixty one. A great number of large whales were seen in the course of a day’s sail ing by Captain Fox, of the steamship Istrian. Others repoit schools of large sperm whales moving in various direc tions. The object of this record is to study the movements of whales and other sea fishes. It has been ascertained that the temperature of the water has an im portant influence upon their movements, and an especial study will be made with mackerel, in the hope of ascertain ing data that Will solve the question why they are so abundant one season and so ecarce the next. The Washinton Star asks: “What in duces the great parties nowadays to nominate their young, healthy, vigorous men for President and give the Vice- Presidential nominations to veterans whose age creates a presumption against their surviving their chiefs? Grant at his second nomination was 10 years younger than Wilson; Hays was 3 years younger than Wheeler; Garfield was 1 year younger than Arthur; Hancock was 2 years younger than English; Blaine was 4 years younger than I.ogan; flew land was 18 years younger than Hendricks, and is 24 ye irs younger than Thurman, and Harrison is 9 years younger than Morton. Th ■ only exceptions to the rule since the war have been Grant’s seniority of 1 year over Colfax, Seymour’s of 11 over Blair, Greeley’s of 15 years over Brown, and # Tilden’s of 5 years over Hendricks. It would appear that the American people prefer the illogical to the logical arrangement; as, in this whole list of cases where the candidate for President lias been older than his companion on the ticket, only one has been seated in the White House, and the difference in his favor was ,but a single year.” Mr. R. L. Stodda d, of California, said to a reporter of the St. Louis Post-Dis patch: “There is one thing that puzzles me, and that is why Eastern people will persist in calling Sau Francisco by that abbreviated distortion: ‘Frisco.’ 1 think the idea must have originally emanated from the brain of some dime-novel ro mancer. They invariably have it “Frisco” in light literature until people east of the Rocky mountains have come to believe that an off-hand use of the name implies familiarity with the Pacific coast and the life there. The opinion of the correct ness of the abbreviation has no doubt been materially strengthened by the ex ample set in a big railroad system adopt ing the title as a pet one, but this does not excuse the mistake. San Francisco is a beautiful name, and should be given the benefit of every syllable. It is much more euphonious and creditable to the town, but what I started out to say was that ‘Frisco’ is positively incorrect, and is never applied by those to the manner born. There is a little town up in the California hills by this name, and if peo ple referred to it when they said ‘Frisco’ it would be well enough. But they don’t,* and I suppose they never will.” Musical prodigies have become numer ous during the last year in various parts of the world. Philadelphia has the honor of bringing the latest to the front. This is Master J. Miller, son of the late E. Spencer Miller, formerly a celebrated lawyer of that city. At an exceedingly tender age Master Miller evinced a won derful love for music. Before his musi cal studies had progressed far the yorng virtuoso turned his attention mainly to organ playing, with the result that it would be difficult to find his superior on that instrument. The Record , in speak ing of him, says: “About last Eastdf%e regular organist of St. Clement’s Episco pal Church was called away and young Miller was asked to take his place. His playing on the magnificent organ in this, the largest Episcopal church in the city, has elicited great admiration and sur prise. The handsome, golden-haired boy of thirteen years renders the most difficult and intricate church music without the slightest wavering. His qpmmand of the instrument and the technical skill displayed are marvelous in one so young, and would be worthy of many of the most celebrated organ ists.” The New York Graphic says: “Now that Benjamin Harrison is a candidate for the Presidency, it is probable that the Legislature of Ohio, if it has a chance, will pass a bill which in one shape or another has been before it for the last quarter of a century. It pro vides for the erection of a suitable monu ment over the remains of William Henry Harrison, President of the United States, and grandfather of Benjamin. His remains lie in a little brick vault at North Bend, some miles below Cincin nati. And this recalls the fact that the burial place of all the men who have teen Presidents of this country are widely scattered. Washington lies at Mount Vernon, the two Adamses are buried in the old family church at Quincy, Mass.; Jefferson rests at Monti cello; Madison’s grave is at Montpelier, Va., not far from where Jefferson sleeps; Monroe's remains lie in the ceme tery at Richmond, Ya.; Jackson’s grave is in front of his old residence, “The Hermitage," in Kentucky ; Van Bureu was buried at Kinderhook, near the fa mous little creek that sweeps dow n into the Hudson; Polk lies in the Nashville, Tenn., cemetery; Taylor rests in a coun try graveyard near Louisville, Ivy.; Fill more’s remains are in Forest Lawn Ceme tery at Buffalo; Pierce sleeps in a quiet weed grown cemetery just outside of Concord, N. 11.; Buchanan found his last abiding place on earth among his neighbors at Lancaster, Penn.; Lincoln's grave is near Springfield, 111.; Johnson’s at Greenville, Tend.; Garfield’s at Cleve land, O.; Grant's at Riverside, and Ar thur’s at Albany.” Judge Story was at Harvard at fifteen, in Congress at twenty-nine, and Judge of the Supreme Court of the United States at thirty-two. ! WAITING FOR THE BUGLA We wait for the bugle; the night dews are cold, 1 The limbs of the soldiers feel jaded and old. The field of our bivouac is windy and bare, ; There is lead in our joints, there is frost in our hair, The future is veiled and its fortunes un known As we lie with hushed breath till the bugle is blown. At the sound of that bugle each comrade shall spring lake an arrow released from the strain of the string: The conrage, the impulse of youth shall come back To banish the chill of the drear bivouac, And sorrows and loss *s and cares fade away When that life-giving signal proclaims the new day. Though the bivouac of age may put ice in our veins, And no fiber of steel in our sinew remains; Though the comrades of yesterday’s march are not here, And the sunlight seems pale and the branches are sear,— Though the sound of our cheering dies down to a moan, We shall find the lost youth when the bugle is blown. —Thomas W Ht'gginson, in the Century. MISS CLEO'TnEGATIVE. “Most through, Cleo?” “Yes; almost, In ten minutes I shall have fini-hed.” The young peison ad dressed is sitting with her back to her si-ter, and all the face aud half of the head is hidden by the hood of a retouch ing frame. She is leaning eagerly for ward. Her eyes are riveted on the nega tvc before her, and her deft, dainty fingers are making swift, magic strokes on the work under her hand. “In ten minutes more,” the sweet musical voice repeats; “and when I’ve done I shall place before your astonished gate some thing too utterly lovely, my Lady Jane. Then Janet Heath lifts her head wearily from the cushions of her invalid couch, aud sighs impatiently. Cleo’s quick ear catches that sigh instantly. “Are you in pain, Janie?” “No; not particularly. Only think, I dare not read aloud to you any more. I begin to think that comical genius Sir Boyle Roche, was exceedingly correct when he said that ‘ the greatest of all calamities was generally followed by one much greater.’ It seems so, actually. Oh, dear, dear! Why doesn’t some good fortune befall us now, I wonder? Why don’t some of our rich relatives hunt us up and insist on making us a present of a few hundreds? They could easily af ford to do it; and only think what a godsend it would be to us!” “Well, for your sake, Janie, I sin cerely wish they would. Then you could have that operation performed on your eyes at once, and I should be able to get you all the nice, nourishing food that the doctor lecommendcd, and that fine wine that he said you ought to . Now, see this!” and she handed Miss •Janet the negative. “Yes,” Miss Janet says, after regard ing the negative critically, “you cer tainly have done splendid work upon it, and it is really au exceedingly nice face; but I have seen you retouching many and many a one that was far hand somer.” “Well, I will admit all that,” the girl answers, receiving the negative back and gazing down at the face. “Still this one has interested me greatly ever since I began working fin it. But, good gracious, this won* do! Only look at all the time I’ve been wasting! I must scramble into my things and take this work to the Gallery at once,” she breaks forth suddenly. Then she flies to the closet, takes out a very odd, quaint poke bonnet, ties it on, and, catching up the package of well-done work, hurries to the door. “Well, Janie, here I am at last!” Cleo exclaimed an hour later, flashing into the cool, dark room in a breathless sort of way, with her cheeks much deeper in color than when she left, and a pair of Wiid, oddly excited eyes. Then, putting away her “things,” she sits down in a very stiff-backed chair, and fans her hot cheeks furiously. “Well, Janie, do you know the most romantic incident has occurred this after noon' lieally, I do actually begin to think there must have been some one around practising black art, whatever that may be. There, now r , don’t com mence to lose your patience, and I’ll begin and tell you the whole odd occur rence right from the start. I went to the Gallery first, of course, and gave in my work and got my money, all of it— three big, round dollars, if you please. Then I went to the market to get some thing nice for you. From there I went over to Mr. Norton’s drug store, and I told him I wanted a flask of his very best wine, and I w r antcd it just as cheap as he could let me have it, and do you know—now don’t say a word. I know you are fixing to scold me for my ‘shame ful extravagance,’ but you needn’t, for I haven’t got any,” she explains, with a mysterious little smile. “Let me see; where was I? Oh, yes; and uo you know, that dear, kind man gave me a splendid flask, with his ‘compliments to the invalid, and he hoped it would do her a world of good.’ Yes; I know by that look that you are going to ask me, where it is, and if you’d just give me time, I’ll make a full confession. Don’t run away with the idea that I drank it, though, because I didn’t. As soon as I’d thanked him I rushed out, and lo and behold you, it had clouded up awfully, and was beginning to rain ‘right smart,’ as the countryman said. When I saw that I really didn't know what to do. Of course, 1 wouldn't have an umbrella. That wouldn’t be my luck, you know, and I had so many little pack ages that I couldn’t hold up my clothes, and I was in a dreadful dilemma. I finally decided, though, that the best thing would be to make a scamper for home as fast as my feet could carry mq. So I took a fresh grip on all my bundles, and was just striding along with my most Elizabethan-like strides, when that most exasperating shoe of mine came un tied— of course. I would have oa thoso thin, low thiqgs. That was in tne plot, you see. I was going wildly along, break ing my heart, thinking how muddy my skirts and the tassels were getting—you know these are my grand state occasion shoes, ” she remarks, looking despairingly at them— "when somebody came dash ing frantically along, with an umbrella far over his head, and knocked slap up against me, and down went that precious flask and was shivered into sixteen million pieces!” she cries jumping up and striking a tragic attitude. "Why, what was the matter with the man? Where were h's eyes?” Janet asks, crossly, sitting up very straight. ‘‘Oh, he had them with him, my dear, and now, who do you suppose it was? Well, it was the original of that nega tive that I ! ve been raving over ail day,” and having announced this piece of news with telling force, Cleo folds her arms and looks across at Janet. Is that so? Well, well! Afterthat, the Deluge! By-the way, you were in one at the time. lam amazed. It was fate, my dear—it was written. Well, and— go on—what did he do, and what did you say?” Janie questions in a most fluttering state of interest. ‘ Say? If you’ll believe me, I never said anything. I couldn’t! and I sha Ihe ashamed of myself for ever and a day, and you’ll blush for me, I know, when I tell you that 1 actually stood there and began to whimper. Yes, positively, I did, and couldn’t help it either. And what did he do? Well, the first thing was that he stepped a little nearer, and held his nice big umbrella over me. then he lifted his hat, iu the most graceful manner imaginable, and he said: “My dear young lady, I beg ten thousand pardons; aud I am more than sorry to have been so awkward ns to cause this accident. ‘What wa3 in the flask?’ he asked, glancing down. I told him, and then he fairly insisted on going and get ting another one tilled for me; but, of course, I could not permit that, so when he saw how much in earnest I was he did not urge me further, but said: ‘Well, at least you'll let me relieve you of some of your packages, and allow me the pleasure of seeing you safely home, or some one else may g> even further than I did and knock all your packages out of your arms.’ “Well, he was so very polite and charming about it all, and did look so handsome and distinguished at the time, and his beautiful eyes were so eloquent that naturally I gave my consent. And now, who do you suppose he is, after all?” Cleo demauds, pausing to take breath. “Here is his card,” with a very elaborate flourish; “Mr. Julian Van Ness, at your ladyship’s service.” “Why, why, Cleo, you don’t really mean that he is the .Julian Van Ness that used to live at uncle’s, and that we romped and played together with?” quite breathless. “ Fhe same, madam,’’ with overwhelm- ing dignity. “Why, Cleo!” And after this ejacu lation the young lady seems to subside into blank and profound amazement, and Cleo, quite elated with the effect she has produced, continues: “Yes, it is the very same youth. Didn’t I keep telling you how familiar his eyes seemed? Well, he still makes unrle’s house his home, and he has gone into business for himself, and he has just re turned from Europe—been there six months—and is immensely wealthy, how he ever kept from laughing in my face when I Was so utterly crushed about that wine, I can’t think. That’s somebody at the door.” She flies to open it and comes face to face with a huge colored gentleman. “Yes, lam Mi s Cleo Heath,” she in forms him; then he puts a great bunch of fieslily-cut, dewy flowers in her hand, sets a good sized demijohn inside the door, bows to the bewildered young ladies and vanishes as mysteriously as he came. “Well, did you ever?” Janet cries, ex citedly. “Wait until I read this note,” Cleo makes answer, “and we will probably be enlightened”: “To Miss Cleo and her sister, with my com pliments, and a heartfelt wish that both the flowers and the wine may cheer your hearts and make you happy. Very sincerely, your old friend, Julian Van Ness. There now! Was ever anything more charmingly done? Didn’t I tell you he was the nicest man I ever met?” looking with worshipful eyes at the flowers. Two days lajer there comes another ex quisite bouquet and a note in which tickets are enclosed for a lecture. “What are the tickets for, < leo?” “They are for a lecture that is to be given this evening at Temple Hail, and he hopes to see us there. How is it with you, Janie? Do you think you are able to walk so far?” “Far? Why, it’s only a very little distauce. I went much further than that this morning. Come, let’s get ready. ” Twenty minutes later they find them selves very nicely seated in the brilliantly Righted hall. There is a splendid au dience, and when the grave, dignified lecturer appears, he is greeted with a burst of applause. His sub ject is “Spir itualism and Thought Heading.” A committee has been selected to see that there is no black art practised, and to assist the lecturer. Cleo gives a little start of surprise, and the pink in her cheeks grows into a deeper, lovelier hue, when she makes the discovery that Mr. Julian Van Ness is on the stage. And not only that, but the clever lecturer has bidden him select some one whom he knows in the audience, and fix h's mind j upon him, aud he (the thought reader) will conduct the young man to that per son. Julian meekly obeys this master mind. lie leads poor Julian a merry dance for a time, but suddenly he starts olf with fell purpose in his eyes, and in two seconds the young man is standing be hind Cleo’s chair, and Cleo’s face is like a rose. There are a great many wise and knowing smiles exchanged when it is discovered where that very distin guished-looking gentleman’s thoughts had wandered. That distinguished-looking gentle man pays not the slightest heed, how ever. In fact, he is happily unconscious that there has been quite a commotion caused among his party when he is seen leaning over a charming young lady's chair. He bends down and greets them both, and then tells them in a low tone of voice that he had simply been obliged to come there with some friends, but that he would not be forced to leave with them; so, if agreeable to the sisters, he would be most happy to see them home. It is totally unnecessary for me to chroncicle their reply, as there was but one answer possible. On their way thither Julian amuses them immensely by relating how he be wildered the lecturer. “You see, I had my mind fully fixed on Charley Howard, ‘but just at that critical moment I discovered M’ss Oleo’s face in the audience, and” —with boyish frankness —“for the life of me I couldn’t get mv thoughts back on Charley again. Humiliating, isn’t it, to have so little mind that there isn’t enough to make it up?” he finishes, with a light laugh. The time is six weeks later. To the two sisters the loner, hot sum mer days seemed to have fairly rushed away, so rapidly have they gone since they made the acquaintance of their “fa ry prince.” as they have playfully christened Julian. And well does he deserve his name, for never did a Queen on her throne receive more devoted at tention than did these two unfortunate orphan sisters. There has been abso lutely nothing left undone that he could compass for their benefit, or amusement, or pleasure. Baskets of choicest fruits and most lovely flowers; t ckets for splendid concerts; invitations to delight ful yachting excursions, ali found their way to the young ladies’ humble abode; and, I may add, likewise, the donor of these gifts also finds his way there with surprising frequency. His visits are the most delightful events in their hard working, dull lives, so no wonder they are hailed with such manilestions of pleasure. In tact, he is due in this cool, moonlit room in a very few moments now. Cleo is to have a drive in the park this glori ous summer night; and contrary to all the annals of female history, she is quite ready, and is leaning yonder against the wide opened window awaiting his ar rival. As she so stands, with the en chanting moonlight falling athwart her, she resembles nothing so much as some snowy statue, for she is clad all in white. Her gown is of the thinnest, fleeciest material, and shows the rounded beauty of her arms and shoulders to perfection. The becoming hat she wears, and her long silk mitts are white also. So charm ing is the picture that the blood-red hollyhocks out in the moonlight bend forward only to look at her. And her eyes are fixed on them with a dreamy smile in their velvety depths, and arc so lustrous that they resemble twin stars. The dimples in her cheeks have come forth, and are playing hide and seek in the light of those orbs. Suddenly she moves away from the window. “He is here, Janie, sol'll just run out to him. Goodby for a littie while. I’ll not be gone more than an hour,” she said, gently, bending down and kissing her sister's cheek; then she steps lightly out. and is gone. And Janie? Well, Janie sits where Cleo leaves her, and looks out at the blood-red hollyhocks, too, with a very happy and mysterious smile on her face. She nods her pretty fair head at the flowers also, and whispers. “Yes, it is all arranged nicely, I'm sure.” In less than an hour’s time Julian and Cleo have returned. Janet is slightly astonished to see them back so soon. Julian strides into her presence, leading Cleo by the hand, and wearing a very happy and triumphant look indeed. “My Lady Jane, I wish to inform you that I have done this young person the honor to propose for her hand, and she has condescended to accept me. I love her with all my heart, and ” Janet puts up one slim hand. “It is not necessary for you to mention the fact. I knew it a month ago.” “You don’t say so!” Julian exclaims, with great force and brilliancy. Then, having recovered a little from his astonishment, he begins again: “Well, Miss Minerva, what you don’t know is that we are to be married in two months’ time. I would not wait another day.” And Janie gets up and embraces them both, and kisses Julian warmly on both smooth dark cheeks.— Frank Leslie. WISE WORDS. Confidence is a plant of slow growth in an aged bosom. A good conscience is to the soul what health is to the body. Shame come 3 to no man unless he him self helps it on the way. We always like those who admire us; we do not always like those whom we admire. Babylon in all its desolation is a sight not so awful as that of the human mind in ruins. We generally hate those whom we have injured more than we do those who have injured us. We are taught and we teach by some thing about us that never goes into lan guage at all. Nothing is so contagious as example; we are never either much good or much evil without imitators. The forms required by good breeding, or prescribed by authority, are to be ob served in social or official life. Great effects come of industry and perseverance; for audacity doth almost bind and mate the weaker sort of mind. Nobody talks much that doesn’t say unwise things, as no person plays much without striking a false note sometimes. Hypocrisy is much more eligible than open infidelity and vice; it wears the livery of religion, aud is cautious of giv ing scandal. Where painting is weakest, namely, in the expression of the highest moral and spiritual ideas, there music is sub limely strong. If you want to have a man for a friend, never get the ill-will of his wife. Public opinion is made up of the average prej udices of womankind. A poet ought not to pick Nature’s pocket. Let him borrow, and so bor row as to repay by the very act of bor rowing. Examine nature accurately, but write from 'recollection, and trust more to the imagination than the memory. A Sulphur Spring Incubator. There are a number of warm sulphur springs in Elsinore, Cal., and a citizen of that town is using them for incubating purposes. He puts a tin pail full of eggs in a spring whose temperature is 102 de grees, and in three weeks the chicks come out. As the temperature of the spring does not vary, the eggs require no attention. This beats the patent in cubator all hollow. —New York Tribune, ON THE RIVER Gliding, gliding, gliding on, O’er the rippling river, Ere the sunlit day be done, Ere the stars shine, one by oil And the shadows quiver; Gliding, gliding, gliding on, Gliding o’er the river. Floating, floating, floating still— Thou and 1 together— Dews the royal lilies fill, Banks are blowing, and the hill Crowned shines with the heather; Floating, floating, floating still-- Thou and I together. Silver, silver, silver stream, Btar us thus forever; If the glory bo a dream, Let the vision fadeless seem, Let me waken never; Silver, silver, silver stream Bear us on forever. Drifting where the flowerets lio, Now to slumber hu ll ng— Tell me, love—if thou and I • Nevermore shall say “Good by?" Earth and clouds are blushing; Drifting on ’neath sunset sky,' Where the flowers are hushing. Golden, golden, golden eve! Come, enwrap the river; Sweetest benedictions leave, And immortal garlands weave, ■While thy shades down quiver; Side by side—oh, golden eve! Gliding do wn the river. —Margaret Hajcraft, in Caselfs Magazine. HUMOR OF THE DAY. Has its ups and downs—The baromo ter. Moves in the highest circles—The moon. The most popular campaign tune is Ihe cartoon. Does the dog watch account for the barks at sea? Inspector of light houses —Manager for a star who fails to draw. The first man to hang out a “shingle” must have been a hair cutter. It is a great day for garden beds when the rain comes down in sheets. Ocean steamers may not be athletic, yet they all “go over the bar.” You can always find the latest craze at any well conducted insane asylum. A picture in your imagination is, of course, enclosed in a frame of mind. Why are sailors egotistical? Because they are always saying “Aye, aye, sir.” An English paper asks: “Should men sew?” They should mend, but not sew. It is never too late to mend.— N York News. Even the champion batter of the League might not be able to make a hit on the stage or the lecture platform. — The Idea. The man who has only one arm, and that a left one, knows how essential it is that he should get on the right side of his best girl. The safest way for a man to take his life in his hands is to write it himself and have it published before he dies.—- Dumrille Brecz . A locomotive, a prohibitionist, a cow ard, a duck and a lemonade all resemble each other in that they all take water. — Dansville Breeze. It is supposed that apartment houses ire a modern invention of the Evil One; yet Sh tkespeare said: “Weary flat, stale and unprofitable.”— New York News. “Miss, what is your exact age?’* isked the lawyer. “When Igo out with my papa I am fifteen years of age; when I am with mamma, only twelve.” “ Oh, don’t let the word be nay,” The lover cried in woe. “ All right, John Henry,” she replied; “ It sha’n’t be nay, but no.” — Harper's Bazar. btern Father —“My son, if it breaks my heart I am going to b eak your stub born will. Dutiful Son —“All right, father: I'm going to break yours some day, if it breaks my pocket.— Burdette. No Soulless Mechanism Needed: Edison's Agent —“Wouldn’t you like to buy a phonograph? It will store up everything you say and repeat it to you. Want one?” Omaha Man—“No; got a wife.” — Omaha World. “Ah, dear'.” he said, tenderly, “how can I leave you and go to my cheerless and lonely abode!” “If you make haste, George,” replied the girl, with a glance at the clock, “you can go by the last car.”— New York Dispatch. “Madam,’’said the landlady, “whenyou engaged your room this morning, you said you had no children!” “I haven’t,” replied madam. “Tnereis a little girl crying on the floor above. Is she not yours?” “No; she is an adopted child.” The Epoch. Miss Budrose (getting vaccinated) — “Do you think it will take, Dr. Mon tague?” Dr. Montague (gallantly)—“lf it doesn’t take on such an arm, my dear Miss Violet, I shall have but little re spect for vaccine hereafter.”—Minne apolis Tribune. Captain—“ What made you drop that pop fly? It was an awful error.” Stoughton, ’9.—“Captain, I got so rattled that I saw six balls.'’ Captain (crossly) —“I should think you mignt have caught one of them, at least.”—• , Harvard Lampoon. The atmosphere with cheers is rent, The boys outside the fence Are sure the Giants win at last, The noise is so immense. But ah! alas for human hopes, The mob’s most joyous roar Was only due to a daisy foul That struck the umpire's jaw. —New York Sun. “It was a severe pnnishment,” said the father, self-reproachfully, “but it answers the purpose. It kept Johnny from runniug on the street.” “You didn’t cripple the boy, did you?” “No, I had his mother cut his hair for him. You ought to see the poor boy.”— Chicago Tribune. Thunder and Lightning.—Lightning rod agent (to boy)—“ls that your father lying there in the shade, souny?”-..80y —“No, sir: pa’s away, an’ me and ma is the only ones to home; that’s a dead book-agent. D’ye want to sell ma any thing?” “Thunder, no,” said the light ning man. The Epoch. Texas has 7,081,9715 head of cattle, valued at $51,008,550.