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"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU.” cannot bring you wealth,” she said; •I cannot bring you fame or place Among the noted of the race, But 1 can love you, r ,'W hen trials come to test you, sweet, I can be sunlight to your feet; My kiss your precious lips shall greet, Because I love you. ‘When daylight dies along the west You will come home to me to rest, And I shall sleep upon your breast, Because I love you. ‘lf sickness comes, beside your bed I will bend low with quiet tread, And pray God’s blessing on your head, Because I love you. ‘As dew clings to the violet, Making the fragrant chalice wet, So my life into yours is set, Because I love you. “Only myself, my all, I bring; But count it, sweet, a precious thing To give my life an offering, Because I love you. U I bow before no other shrine; If I go first across death’s line & will return to claim you mine, Be cause I love you. ” —Sarah K. Bolton. CHINESE_PIEATES. From the year 1852 to 1854 the Chinese Bea, from Shanghai in the north to Sing apore in the south, was infested with pirate craft. As for that matter, this teea had been the cruising ground of ? bates for a score of years previously, ut 1 mention these two years for par ticular reasons. One was that I was en gaged in a vigorous warfare against them, and the other that the close of 1851 witnessed the death of the leading spirits and broke up piracy as a trade. In those far back days comparatively nothing was known of China outside of a few seaports. Treaties were of little account, and Consuls were few and far 'between. Every merchant ship was ex pected to defend herself, and the Cap tain of every man-of-war had authority to bombard any town which refused to renew his water and provisions. All pations were trading with China, but, aside from a few few seaports, all China (bated all other people. At the docks at Bong Kong. I could drink tea with the Chinese merchants. Half a mile away the people would have cut me to pieces, while the country wanted to sell its products, it hated the men who bought (them. While it wanted the goods of Other countries, it despised the makers bid shippers. There is no doubt that Ihe Chinese Government tactily en couraged piracy, and could the great mass of the population have had its say, Upt a single foreigner would have been allowed to land on the coast. In the year ’54 there was an associa tion at Canton called “The Foreign Traders.” It was composed of Ameri cans, Englishmen, Germans, Frenchmen, Spaniards and Russians, and numbered over sixty representatives. The capital represented amounted to millions, and the object was threefold. We had more power with the Chinese Government than any foreign Minister. We had rules and regulations regarding the tea trade. We could carry a point by pro tests and threats. Every pound of tea from a district 500 miles square had to pass through our hands. We filed many protest against the pirates and the laxity of the government in hunting them down, and were finally officially informed that we were at liberty to take any steps we deemed best in the matter. That meant we could fit out a craft and go for the rascals right and left handed. We had been anticipating this, and had a craft ready at Hong Kong. She was an American schooner of excellent model and large spread of sail, and we knew that she could outsail anything, native or foreign, we had ever seen in those waters. We armed her with a Long Tom and four 24-pounders, having bought the guns from the sale of the salvage of a French man-of-war. Then we picked up a crew of fifty men—all foreigners and sailors—and when we went out of Hong Kong we were pre pared to give the pirates Hail Columbia. I was purser of the schooner, which was called the Revenge, and her captain was an Englishman Wetherbee, who had served as a commissioned officer in the regular service. The first lieutenant was an American, and the other officers were divided up among the other nation alities. We flew the association flag, and while we had liberty to go for pirates, we were warned that any mis takes would be male to cost us dearly. The two boss pirates of that date were Shung-Wongand Chin-Lung. The first had a fleet of seven or eight craft, and |b hauated the sea from Singapore north to lathe Tong-Kin Islands. The second MCruised from thence as far north as W Shanghai, having his headquarters at x ormosa Island. He was reported to have a fleet of nine craft. That both were monsters we had a hundred proofs, and that both had grown rich and power ful it was easy to show by the long list of missing vessels hanging in the head quarters office. While we had kept our movements as secret as possible, we bad no doubt that Government officials had given us away, and that the pirates would be on the watch for us. To de ceive them as far as possible, we ran to the south for three days, and spoke and reported to four ships bound for Can ton. 'i hen we ran over toward the Philippine Islands until we had a good olhng, when we headed up for Formosa to get acquainted with old Chin-Lung. During the next three days we did not sight a sail of any sort. Then early one morning -we fell in with a lot of wreckage which showed us that a trader had been overhauled and burned. We were now to the east of Formosa, and fifty miles olf the coast. Men were set to work to give the schooner the appear ance of a vessel in distress, and under a light breeze we made slow headway to ward the island. It was about C -Vclock in the afternoon before anvching ap proached us, although we sav a number of native craft at a distance. Then a small junk came out from a bay about five miles off, and headed directly for us. Everything aboard of us seemed to be at sixes and sevens. A man was lashed to the mainmast, to repre sent the Captain, everything aloft was askew, and the seven or eight men on deck were seemingly drunk and having a high old time. We had a man aloft to piny a part, knowing that we should be hailed in English. Roth of these boss pirates had Americans and Englishmen with them—rascals who had deserted their ships and voluntarily adopted the life of a pirate—and one of them was al ways put forward to hail a ship. The junk came steadily forward to within hailing distance before she came up into the wind. This was proof, whether she was honest or not, that our appearance deceived her. The men on deck yelled and shook their fists, as drunken men might do, but at the first opportunity a voice hailed us. “Schooner ahoy! What schooner is that?” “The Revenge, Capt. Thatcher, bound to Shanghai,” answered the man aloft. “What’s the matter aboard?” “Crew in a state of mutiny for the last three days. They have lashed the Cap tain to the mast and driven me aloft.” “What’s your cargo?” “General merchandise.” “Any arms aboard?” “Only a few muskets.” There were a do/en men aboard the junk, but they dared not attempt to board. They chattered away among j themselves for a while, and then the spokesman called out: “Very well, we will bring you help.” With that the junk headed back for the bay, accompanied by the yells and curses of the apparently drunken crew. We had a native aboard called Shin- Lee. He had been in the headquarters for several years, and could be de pended upon. He gave it as his opinion, that the junk was a spy boat sent out by the pirates, who never attacked a vessel by daylight without taking all due precautions. He said we would see the pirate fleet come out, in case no sail appeared on the horizon, and his words were speedily verified. We had been gradually edging inshore, and were not over five miles from the land, when we caught sight of five junks coming out after us. There was a good working breeze, and now, as was only natural, we began to crawl off. By seeming to want to get away very badly, but by carefully manipulating the helm, we were seven miles off the land before tne fieet reached us. We were satisfied of their intentions long enough before. It was not to help a vessel in distress, but to take advantage of one almost help less. The junks kept pretty well together, and when within rifle shot each one raised Chin-Lung’s flag and uttered a cheer. Each had a couple of howitzers, with which they opened fire upon the schooner, but no harm had been done when we were ready to spring the trap. At the word of command every man was on deck, the gun crews jumped to their stations, and things aloft were ship shape in a moment. Then we wore round to get between the pirates and the bay, and opened fire. A Chinese junk is a mere shell. One solid shot went through them as if they had been paper. The poor chaps were unnerved as soon as they saw the trap into which they had fallen, and devoted all their energies to getttng away. We could outsail any of the junks, but it wa3 quick work with four of them. They were sent to the bottom one after another, and as we came up with the fifth we ran her down. Our stem struck her full on the starboard broadside and cut her almost in two. She had at least thirty men aboard, and there was one long, despairing shriek as they went down to watery graves. A few came up to clutch at the wreckage and beg to be takep aboard, but not one of them would the Captain lend a hand to. Such as sharks did not get hold of drifted out to sea with the tide. It was a fearful retri bution, but these men were monsters. Inside of thirty minutes from the time we opened fire the fieet was at the boV tom and at least a hundred pirates haJT paid the penalty of their crimes. Our Captain was lamenting the fact that he had not picked up one or two in order to secure information when there was a row forward, and it was an nounced that a pirate had been found hanging to tlie.chains. When brought aft he was ready to do anything to save his life. Hjg name was Mung-Hang, and he had good cause to b'ciieve that we would reverse it. He was the Captain of the junk we had run down, and was ready to tell us all about old Chm-Lung. The bay was his rendezvous, but his plunder was hidden on the coast near Foo Chow. There were barracks for the men up the bay, and thirty or forty men there at that moment. They had captured a French brig several days be fore, and she was then at anchor in the bay waiting for Chin-Lung’s return. He was then up among the Lioo Kioo Islands with four junks to capture a large ship which had drifted into shoal water, but was not abandoned. If we would spare his life he would pilot us anywhere and prove his gratitude in any way. Shin-Lec took him in hand fora few minutes, and then announced that we could depend upon him. We ran into the bay, brought up alongside the brig, and sent forty men ashore to clean out the place. Not a pirate was to be seen, all having bolted for the woods. | Everything which would burn was set on fire, and a prize crew was put aboard ( the brig to navigate her to Hong Kong. She reached that port safely, and our sal vage money went far to reimburse the company for its outlay. When we sailed out of the bay it wag to look for the boss pirate. He was nearer than we thought for. At 8 o’clock the next morning we saw his fleet ahet d, on its wav back to Formosa empty handed, and by 10 we had the junks under fire. These weTe a braver iot of men. Knowing that they could notout sail us, and seeming to suspect that we were an enemy, they closed right in for a fight. It did not last long, however. We had one man killed by the fall of a block from aloft, and three or four wounded by the bullets from Jieir an cient firearms, and in return not a man of them escaped. In less than an hour's fighting altogether we sent nine junks and 20u men to destruction. Butchery, wasn’t it? Well, call it so; but remem ber that in the previous twelve months the fleet of this old pirate had captured no less than ten foreign craft and six . traders, and that every man, woman, and child aboard had been murdered. There was no sentiment about Chin- Lung. He thought of nothing bat blood and plunder, and he would cut a ( child's throat with a smile on his face. We were now ready to sail in search of Shung Wong, who had less power, 1 but was just as great a villain. These two leaders had divided up the tern tory, and compelled all lesser pirates t« join them, and come under their control. So, then, we had only two men to strike at to down the whole lot. At the close of the third day after heading for the south we came upon the track of the piratical fieet. A trader in woods and dyestuffs had been overhauled about a hundred miles north of the north ern group of Philippines, called the Little Philippines. The crew con sisted of three men and a boy, and the vessel had only part of a cargo Shung-Wong had boarded her himself, and although the crew were native Chi nese, he could not restrain his bloody hand. He demanded a sum equal to S3OO in American money. There was only about S2O aboard, and he personally cut the Captain’s throat, had the others flogged, and went on his way to the Bay of Luzon, which is on the west side of the island of that name. We spoke the trader and received from her terri fied crew the incidents above narrated, and then shaped our course for the bay. As luck would have it, an American ship called the Joseph Taylor was ahead of us, and as she passed down the coast was attacked by the fleet about seven miles off shore. We heard the rumpus about an hour before daylight. There was little breeze, and though greatly outnumbered, the crew of the Taylor beat the pirates off. At daylight the wind freshened, and we slid in between the junks and the shore just as they were preparing for a second attack. We were no sooner within range than we i opened opon them, and, seeing escape cut off, the fellows tried hard to lay us aboard. In thirty minutes from the opening of the fight we had sunk or run down every junk and disposed of every pirate, and only had four men wounded in doing it. Our work had been done so promptly and well that it struck terror to the hearts of all evil doers in those seas,and it was several years before another act of piracy was committed. The Chinese government returned its thanks to the Association, ship owners sent in contri butions of money to express their grati tude, and when we came to sell the schooner to the Chinese government as a cruiser, the company was financially ahead. It was probably the briefest cruise and attended with the greatest results recorded of an armed vessel.— New York Sun. A Wonderful Tobacco Box. The greatest tobacco box in the world, and the strongest as well, is the property of a society known as that of “The Past Overseers of St. Margaret and St. John, Westminister,” says the Toronto (Canada) Telegram. It is simply a get ting together of those who have held the office of overseer of the parish for the purpose of eating an annual dinner, wnich they have regularly done for nearly two hundred pears. Incidentally they have become also custodians of the “Westminister Tobacco Box.” The story goes that in the year 171dj one of the overseers who had been in’ the habit of bringing to the tavern din-' ners his own private tobacco box and] putting it at the service of his friends,] presumably with a better brand than the common one, in it, presented to the company a tobacco box for its own use when he should have got beyond the need of d nners. The society accepted the box and placed upon it a silver rim and a plate, upon which were engraved the name and the good deeds of the donor. The next oversoer put upon the box another plate with his name and official achievements upon it. His successor did the same, and so grew up the enstom that the box should be delivered to the care of each overseer, who,upon retiring, should add to it a plate engraved wjthhis name and some suitable snscripti^ Before long the box became quite overlaid with silver plates, and then it was fitted into a larger box, when it had been covered with decorations, and this operation was repeated until now the original little box has grow iuto a nest of half a dozen or more boxes, the outer one being a massive, silver-covered, hexagonal chest, which was made from a beam that was once in Westminister Abbey. Silver plates of all sizes and shapes, and decorated with all manner of figures, pictures and inscriptions, cover all the boxes. In most eases the notable event of the year has been recorded by picture or words upon the plate of the overseer for that year, and the box has thus be come a condensed chronicle of the history of the past century in England. At each regular annual dinner the box is with regular ceremonial t handed over to the new overseer by the senior church warden, and the overseer is commanded to take due care of the article, to pro duce it at all parochial entertainments to which he shall be invited or have the right to attend, and to always keep in i 1 tobacco enough to furnish at least three pipes, under penalty of forfeiting six bottles of claret. Besides this he has to furnish a bond in SIOOO as security foi the care of the box. One of the peculiar regulations of the dinner, introduced in 1825, is that il must be served at 5 o’clock by the ’ striking of a certain church clock, or the j landlord forfeits two bottles of wine, and ! if he fails to produce his bill promptly at 8:d0 o’clock he loses another bottle. Vaccination in the Harem. The women in the Sultan’s seraglio, at Constantinople, have just been vac cinated, to the number of 100. Th« operation took place in a large hall, un der the superintendence of four gigan* tic eunuchs. The Italian surgeon tc whom the task was confided was stationed in front of a huge screen, and the womer were concealed behind it. A hole had been made in the center of the screen, just large enough to allow an arm to pass through; and in this manner the arms, of various colors and sizes, were pre seated to the operator in'rapid succesion It was utterly impossible for the surgeoi to get a glimpse of his patients; but, ir order to guard against the chance of his being able to see through the screen, two eunuchs, who stood by the opera tor, threw a shawl over his face the in stant an operation was concluded, and did not remove it till the next arm had been placed in position. —lndian Medical Gazette. There is a scarcity of young men at some of the summer resorts, and th» girls are suffering ftom ‘‘poor male faeik itles.”-- Boiton Commercial Bulletin. BUDGET OF FUN. HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM VARIOUS SOURCES. Afterward—Loves Young Dream — Some Robustness Deft—Every thing Else Settled—Chang ing the Subject, Etc. •‘Never,’’ he vowed it, ‘ while life may last Can I love again. I will die unwed.” ‘‘And I, too, dear, since our dream is past I will live single,” she sobbing said. A storm of farewells — of wild good-bys— He rushed from the spot, like an outcast soul. She bid in a pillow her streaming eyes, And wept with anguish beyond eoutroL Just five years afterward, they two met At a vender’s stand, in a noisy street; He saw the smile he could ne’er forget, And she the eyes that were more than sweet. “O Kate,” “O Harry,” \ gow well you look ! I -xxG *7 vV6u you lOOK! “I stopped,” he said, just to get a toy For my little girl.” ‘‘l wanted a book,” She softly said, “for my little boy.’' —Madeline S. Bridges. Love’s Young Dream. “Birdie,” whispered a happy young Chicago lover, “now that we are engaged you mustn’t call me Mr. Porcine any more.” “Ah no darling,” responded the girl, with a sigh and a snuggle, “you must always call me ‘Birdie’ and I will always call you ‘Butch.’ New York Sun. Some Robustness Left. Bobby (whose grandpa is sleeping on the lounge and snoring as grandpas can snore)—-“Ma,is grandpa so very feeble?” Mother—“ Yes, dear.” Bobby—“ Well, you wouldn’tthink so to hear him, would you, Ma?”— Epoch. Everything Else Settled. “So you have my daughter’s permis sion to ask me for her hand, have you, young man?” “I—l am happy to say, sir, that I have,” replied the poor, but worthy youth. “And 1 suppose, ” said the banker, after a pause, “you have also asked her to name the day. About what time, sir, do you expect to break into my family?”—Chi -.ago Tribune. Changing the Subject. Knobley—“l saw you on Fourteenth street a few minutes ago, Miss Ethel.” She—“Oh, did you?” Knobley—“Y'es; you were going into a hair-store.” She—“Ah, yes; I was executing a lit tle commission for a friend. Beautiful weather we are having, Mr. Knobley.” And she beckoned haughtily to her coachman. —Life. A Superfluous Caution. “Now, Bobby,” said his mother, “Mr. Oldboy is to take dinner with us to-night; he is very bald, and you must not say anything about Ins hair.” Bobby promised, and while dinner was progressing said to his mother, in an audible whisper: “Ma, you told me not to say anything about Mr. Oldboy’s hair. YVhy, he hasn’t got any.”— New York Dispatch. Not Afraid of Rain. The old gentleman was restless. It was getting late, and he wanted to close the house. Strolling to the window, he looked out and said: “The clouds seem to be banking in the west; we are likely to have a sharp shower soon.” “Y'es, sir,” replied young Mr. Din widdie from the sofa, “I anticipated a storm and brought an umbrella. We need rain badly, Mr. Hendricks. Er— you were saying, Miss Clara—”— Life. A Slight Chang • in Phraseology. “Did I tell you that Maud was learn ing the violin?” said a young lady on whom Tom Sellers was calling. “No, you did not.” “Y'es, she is practicing now. Do you not hear those strains of music floating down from up stairs?” “Those strains of music?” “Yes.” “I think I hear the sounds you refer to, hut don’t they strike yon as severe strains on the violin?”— Merchant Trav eler. A Frugal Lover. Frugal young man (to object of his affections) —“Darling, your father being a minister, perhaps we’d better ask him to perform the ceremony for us. He would do it as reas—in fact, I presume he would think it an insult if I should offer him anything—er—.” Object of his affections—“l don’t know. I have often heard papa say that he could always tell by the size of the fee what kind of an estimate the bride groom put upon the bride. Frugal young man (uneasily)—“H’m! Money couldn’t express it in my ease, darling. All the wealth of the world could’nt do it! But I’ve got a second cousin, a justice of the peace, that wili marry us for $2. Chicago Tribune. A Pair of German Lovers. At the end of the second week, says a Berlin letter in the Chicago Tribune , the lover came in one morning and pre sented himself before the young lady, who was in the room, and asked for a few moments’ private conversation. I stepped out to give him the floor, and this is what she afterward related trans pired: The young man advanced toward his beloved and handed her a note, in which were written a few lines from her mother, saying the bearer was about to propose in good form, and for her to ac cept him. As she finished reading, an agitated voice in the vicinity of the door was heard, for the young man was ex ceedingly nervous on this occasion: “Most gracious and respected fraalien, 1 have the honor to offer you my heart (and he clapped his hand over that or gan) and hand in holy marriage.” Here emotion checked him, but not the young lady, who was twenty-nine years old. “Most esteemed Herr von H.” she said, “I thank you for a proposal which I do myself the honor to accept. ” Herr von H. bowed, kissed the young lady's hand and retired, and ffie latter came out and threw herself on my neck, exclaiming, “I am engaged,” in a voice which plainly implied, “At last, at last!” Well, they were married, but first mam ma gave several parties in their honor, and there we saw them sitting side by side on the sofa getting acquainted. He Deplored Haste. “There it is again,” said a dignified, well dressed man as he came up to a crowd which had gathered around another man who had just been rescued from beneath a truck driver’s team on lower Broadway; “the old story once more—a man nearly sacrifices his life simply to gain a few seconds of time. The rush and hurry here in New York is actually astonishing, sir,” and the dignified man looked around with an expression of sadness blended with wonder. “You are not a New Yorker, then?” said a man who was on his wav to his office in Wall-street. “Oh, yes, sir,”returned the dignified party, “yes, I live here in New' York, but I always deprecate this spirit of hurry, this rush, this intense strain under which we labor,” and his face assumed a pained, thoughtful expression. “Now, here’s this man, perhaps mortally wounded, when ii he had waited another moment he could have crossed the street in safe ty. It is this hurry, this rush,” went on the dignified man, “this haste, this un natural—oh, great Scott!” he groaned, “there goes my car—but I’ll catch it or bust!” and he shot in front of a furni ture van, galjopfed around a junk cart, stepped on a newsboy, dodged the pole of an ice wagon, and at last got hold of the rear platform of the disappearing car and was pulled in over the back dashboard by the conductor the way a man hauls in a seine full of fish, and got his coat turned wrong side out, and his hat battered and one thumb partiallv smashed. “Why,” he said, “I wouldn’t have missed this car for $10,” and he looked back complacently at another of the same line coining not a half a block behind.— New York Tribune. How a Pig Caused the War of 1812. It all happened in this wise: Two citizens of Providence, R. 1., fell into a most unseemly discussion on account of the lawless trespassings of a pig owned by one of them. The aggrieved party possessed a very fine garden, in which it was his custom to spend his hours of leisure, weeding, grafting, and transplanting the fiowers and vegetables in which he delighted. But often, as he entered his garden in the evening, his ears would be saluted with a grunt and a rustle, and the fat form of his neigh bor’s pig might be seen making a hasty flight from the garden in which it had been placidly rooting all day. In high dudgeon the gardener sought his neighbor and complained of the pig's frequent visits, declaring that a little time spent in repairing the pig-stv would restrain the animal’s roving propensities. But to this the owner of the pig re sponded that if his neighbor would keep his rickety fences in proper repair, the pig might take its daily airing without temptations, and the garden would not be endangered. Repeated misdeeds on the part of the pig fanned the smoldering fires of dis sension into the flames of open hostility. At last the crisis came. The owner oi the garden, rising unusually early one morning, discovered the pig contented ly munching the last of a "fine bed ol tulip-bulbs. Fiesh and blood could stand it no longer. Seizing a pitchfork wdncli lay near at hand, the outraged gardener plunged its sharp tines into the hapless pig, and bore the body, thus | fatally impaled, to the sty, -where it met the gaze of its owner an hour or two later. Thereafter it was war to the knife between the two neighbors. Now, what had all this to do with the war of 1812? The answer is simple. The two neighbors belonged to the political party known as the Federalists. Through all the outrages that Great Britain inflicted upon the United States, while seamen were being impressed, American vessels stopped on the high seas, and while every possible indignity was being committed against the flag oi the United States, the Federalists re mained friendly to Great Britain, and contested every proposition for the declaration of war. But the Democratic party was eager for war, and as British oppression be came more unbearable the strength ol the Democrats increased. It so hap pened that the election district in which the two neighbors lived had been about equally divided between Democrats and Federalists, but the latter party had al ways succeeded in carrying the election. Butin 1811 the owner of the garden was a candidate for the legislature on the Federalist ticket. His neighbor had al ways voted that ticket; but now T . with his mind filled with the bitter recollec tion of the death of his pig, he cast his ballot for the Democrat. When the bal lots were counted the Democrat \fras found to be elected by a majority one. When the newly elected legislator took his seat, his first duty wa3 to Vote for a United States Senator. He cast his vote for the candidate of the Democrats, who was also elected by a majority of one. When this Senator took his place in the United States Senate he found the ques tion of war with Great Britain pending, and after a long and bitter discussion it came to a vote. The Democrats voted for war, and the Federalists against it. As a result of the voting, war was de clared —again by a majority of one vote. — St. Nicholas. A Natural Soap Well. A natural soap well has been discov ered sixty-eight miles from Buffalo Gap, Dakota. Tha soap is skimmed from a boiling spring and hardens by exposure to the air. It is like soft day and can be gathered with a shovel, and is supposed to be a mixture of alkali, borax and the lubricating oil found in many parts of Wyoming. A sample has been tested by a prominent Chicago soap manufacturer, and he reported the discovery worth the full weight of the manufactured article. Parties surrounding the springs have used the natural article as axle grease by adding a little of the oil discovered there, and it is pronounced the finest material ever used for that purpose. The soap will wash in the hardest of water and leave the hands much softer than the ordinary article. The supply is sup posed to be inexhaustible. —New York Graphic. Nature seems busy nowadays getting up new and terrifying animals to disgust one with drinking water. But without a microscope you don’t discover them. THE OLD SCH COL-HOUSE. - *v-44 Ti. '* - On the village green it stood, And a tree was at the door, Whose shadows broad and good Reached faj- along the flo6r ) Of the school-room when’the'sun Put on his crimson best, And his daily labors dgne, Like a monarch sank* to rest. How the threshold wood was worn, How the lintel port decayed; By the tread at eve and morn Of the feet that o’er it strayed— By the presence of the crowd/ Within the portal small— By the joy’s emerald shroud That wrapp'd and darkened aIL That school-house dim and old, How many years have flown Since in its little fold My name was kindly known* How different it seems From what it used to be, When gay as morning dreams, We play’d around the tree! How we watched the lengthen'd ray, Through the dusty window pane; How we longed to be away, And at sport upon the plain, To leave the weary books, And the master’s careful eye, For the flowers and the brooks, And the cool and open sky. Alas! where now are they— My early comrades dear? Departed far away, And I alone am here; Some are in distant climes, And some in churchyards cold, Yet it tells of happy times, That school-house, dim and old. — Penman's Art Journal. PITH AND POINT. Out on a fly—Noah’s dove. With a horseman, life is but a span. The crack club—The policeman’s billy. A matter o’ money—Fashionable mar riages. In a telegraph office the uses of paper | are manifold. Unseemly conduct—That of a wife who will not sew. Blood relations—The horse pistol and the Colts' revolver. 4 Championship eating matches ought [ to be for large steaks. In Boston the horse-fiddle is called the “equine violin.” The carpenter: What 1 see, I seize; What I seize, I saw. A merchant often foots a bill twenty times to a customer’s once. Before making l'ruit cake, current penses must be considered. A tug isn’t much of a vessel but it ranks as a sort of brig aid. While boxing increases the size of a man’s arm it doubles his fist. Oysters are now selling for $1 per gal. Ice cream in hot weather costs more pel gal. Cannon ball trains ought to be able to shoot the bridges and skip the wash outs. The man who is down at the heels now goe3 to the ward boss to get well heeled. Back on his own stamping ground— The post-office clerk returned from his vacation. When a bey is mortified by the insig nificance of his moustache he should try to live it down. “Yes,” said the landlady, sadly, “ap pearances are deceitful, but disappear ances are more so.” It will be difiicult to work in Belva Ann Lockwood as the favorite son of any State. — Northwestern. When the rain conies down in sheets you don’t keep dry by getting between them.— Washing on Critic. If the women are to go to Congress, let the women be married women. It won’t do for us to be miss-represented.— Siftings. A retired minstrel end man was com pelled to sell his bones the other day to settle his board bill. Chicago Sunday National. ~jj l’oung Sappy—“l was knocked sense-' less by a polo ball two years ago.” Olds Sappy—“llow long before you expect to recover:” Miser (to wife) —“I hear, madam, that you say witty things at my expense.’JJ Wife—“Oh, no, dear; you couldn’t afford it.”— Time. A young lady attending balls and l parties should have a female chaperon until she is able to call some other chap her own.— Toledo Bee. “Dear me, how close the poor cows are crowded together,’’sheremarked. “'Yea;) ma’am, but we have to do it.” “Why, so?” “To get condensed milk.” .Taggs—“Er—John, what is this?" Attendant —“ Cheese, sir.” Jaggs— “Whew! Why didn’t you have it em balmed before you sent it up?”— Judge. ,v. Mr. Waldo, of Boston—“lsn’t Mr.i Wabash, of Chicago, an original young man, Penelope?” “He is more than 1 that, mamma; he is aboriginal.” —New York Sun. There is a moss-covered adage that says a rolling stone gathers no moss.* But what use would moss be to it, any/ how. It would only interfere with its rolling.— Siftings. If the human race was evolved from the apes, it at least has the satisfaction of knowing that its ancestors were intel- 4 ligent—they were educated in the higher branches.— New York Tribune. “I know my defects,” said B-jenkina pompously ; and as the bystanders looked 1 at h m admiringly, one of them whis pered to another softly: “What an aw-j ful lot that man must know!"—Somer ville Journal. He was rich and ignorant, and when be consulted a builder concerning a new house he said: “I want a wide pizarro on three sides, where the children can' ride their little cyclopedias, and enjoy themselves.”— Detroit Brea Press. j On the Steamer. Outward Bound.— Mamma—“l was reading in a paper just before we sailed that there are 1,000,000' more women than men in Germany. ’’ Daughter (of uncertain age;—“Mamma, I think it will hardly be worth our while to go to Germany.”— Boston Transcript,