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UN RE TURNING. Throe things never come again > Inow may vanish from the plain, Jlossoms from the dewy sod, /erdure from the broken clod, , (V ater from the river's bed, 9 forests from tin* mountain’s head, Night may brighten into day, Noon in fade away. Yet the snow shaft! come once more When the winter tempests roar. Blossoms eaeh returning spring in her iaden arms shall bring. . Grass be green where ploughshares run, River.', flash in autumn’s sun, Time shall bid the forests gro v, k Noon and midnight come and go, But though all thy soul complain, Three things shall not come again. . Never to the bow that bends Games the arrow that it sends; Spent in space, its airy flight Vanishes like lost delight. When with rapid aim it sprang From the bowstring’s shivering td Straight to brain or heart it fled Once for all its course was sped. No wild wail upon its track Brings the barb of vengeance back. Hold thy hand before it go; Pause beside the bended bow; Hurtled once across the plain, No spent arrow comes again. * 1 Never comes the chance that passed: Thatone moment w as its last, Though thy life upon it hung, Though thy death beneath it swung 4 Jf thy future all the way Now in darkness goes astray, When the instant bom of fate Passes through the golden gate; When the hour, but not the man, Comes and goes from Nature’s plan Never more its countenance Beams upon thy slow advance. Never more that time shall be Burden bearer unto thee. Weep and search o'er land and mauq Lost chance never comes again. Never shall thy spoken word Be again unsaid, unheard. Well its work the utterance wrought, Woe or weal, whate’er it brought; Once for all the rune is read, Once for all the judgment said. Though it pierced a poisoned spear Through the soul thou boldest dear, Though it quiver fierce and deep, Through some stainless spirit’s sleep; Idle, vain, the flying string That a passing rage might bring. Speech shall give it fangs of steel Utterance all its barb reveal. Give thy tears of blood and fire; Pray with pangs of mad desire; Offer life, and soul, and all, That one sentence to recall. Wrestle with its fatal wrath, Jhase with flying feet its path l Rue it all thy lingering days, Hide it deep with love and praise, Once for all thy word is sped, None invade it but the dead All thy travail will be vain— Spoken words come not again! ►-Rose Terry Cooke, in Bouton Transcript. TULIET’S PICTURES. __ BY HELEN FORREST GRAVES. Tve been here a -whole week, and not a single order has come,” said Juliet Jay, disconsolate!y. ‘“I am sure I don't know why. There must be plenty of people in a city like this who appreciate art. And the sign: ‘Miss Jay, Photo graphs Artistically'Enlarged and Col ored,’ is big and bright enough, I am certain. Oh, dear! at this rate,"] hardly see how I am going to pay my way!” There was a large family of Jays in the old red brick house in Garley Court. The grocery-store occupied the first floor; there was a dancing-school above, with sundry rooms dedicated to the use of the terpsichoreau professor and his family. And on the third floor dwelt Mrs. Jay, who took in dressmaking and plain sewing, and trimmed hats (when she could get any to trim), and in this atmosphere of needles aud thread five little girls had grown up. Susan had married the eldest son of the grocer down stairs rather a fall in life, as Mrs. Jay, whose father’s cousin had been a clergyman, considered it; but Mr. Pretzel was very good and kind to Susy, and allowed the Jay family to have their groceries at wholesale prices. After this, Marian was apprenticed to Madam Colquhouu, the modiste, Kitty and Sophy were yet school-girls, and Juliet had boldly struck out into the line of art. “I’mso sick of this everlasting stitch, stitch, stitch!” said she. “The verv sight of a needle sends a cold chill through me. And Ido love, scfclearly, to draw and paint. Mother, do say that I may!” “I suppose you 11 do as you’ve a mind to, anyhow,” said Mrs. Jay, mournfully. “My girls all do.” “Oh, mother!” cried Juliet. “If I may only try, you’ll see that I’ll be a great artist yet.” But the more Juliet'Jay painted the less sanguine she be ame of her powers. A glimpse into the great world of art convinced her that divine fire must burn in any 7 torch that was to be carried into these grand aisles. “But I can .only do my best,” said Juliet, courageously. “If i cau’t be fa mous, I’ll color photographs as con scientiously as I can.” She borrowed a hundred dollars from Sirs. Pretzel, the grocer's wife, to fur nish her little studio and pay a month’s rent in advance, and then she sat down to await the revelations of the future. It was discouraging work. And if Juliet had not made up her mind not to be easily rebuffed, she might have de spaired. So many people went by the sign without turning their heads; so many only glanced at the little glass case, screwed beside the door-post, which contained three of her very best specimens of photograph coloring, and one neatly-tinted picture, enlarged from a dim old daguerreotype, which was sug gestively disposed beside it. One or two persons came in during the week to ask her prices, but they all seemed to consider that she was too dear. “I can’t work without profit,” cried Juliet, in an agony of despair. “Do these people think that I have opened my studio merely to accommodate them?” “You’d better have taken up the dress- making, said Mrs. Jay, in mournful, minor accents. “I think,’’ said Marian, soberly, “that Juliet is aspiring too high. While Kitty and Sophy, who had had new jerseys promised them out of Juliet’s first paying order, began to whisper to gether, and wonder, in their innocent little hearts, when the long-expected customer would come. And it was the longing - looks of these poor little damsels that most went to Juliet’s heart. One dusty, overclouded day in Septem ber, however, a mud-besplashed country wagon stopped at the door, a tall, broad shouldered man of about thirty got out, and tying an old horse by means of an inelegant rope halter, came into the studio. * “Are you the young lady that enlarges and colors photographs;” said he. And Juliet murmured a timid assent. “Can you do anything with this?” said he, producing an ancient daguerreotype of an elderly lady in a mountainous bon net and a pair of glistening spectacles, that altogether obscured the eyes of the picture. “1 can try,” said Juliet. “Please let me know which of these specimens you desire it to resemble in size and style.” The broad-shouldered young man after j some hesitation, picked out a pattern. “What will it cost,” said he— il that size and in a frame like that?” indicat ing two different pictures that hung on the wall. “Ten dollars,” said Juliet, anxiously studying his face to see if it would be too much. “Agreed!” said the young man. “And how soon can you have it finished? I want it right away.” “I couldn’t possibly promise it before this day week,” said Juliet, after men tally reviewing all the possibilities and probabilities of the situation.” “Oh, well, that’ll do!” said the swart faced giant. “Then I’ll call a w r eek from from to-day. My name is Appleby, and I live at Sheldon Plains, just across on the Jersey shore.” Juliet could scarcely wait for the studio door to close before she was at work with her colors and biu^ies. She ate her lunch of bread and cheese, and cold coffee, when the bell struck twelve; and at night, when she came back from work, Sophy and Kitty danced about with joy at the good t d ings she brought. ' The picture was duly finished, paid paid for and carried away. The chil dren had their jerseys; Juliet bought a black ribbon Dow for her mother’s Sun day bonnet, a rubber toy for Mrs. Pret zel's Daby, and a tiny volume ot “Every Day Devotious” for gentle Marian. On the following Monday the mud besplashed wagon again made its ap pearance at the studio door. “Oh dear!” cried Juliet, apprenens ively. “I hope the picture is all right!” “Yes,” the young man answered, “that picture gave every satisfactiou. And my Aunt Maria, who is visiting there now, is so much pleased with it that she wants you to come out there and paint her portrait.” “Can’t she come here?” said Juliet, j “Bless you, no!” said Mr. Appleby, laughing. “She never crossed the river in her life. She’s afraid of ferry-boats and steam-cars, and travels only by horse and wagon. But if you don t mind the journey, she’ll pay you well, and my mother will be glad ito make you at home. Perhaps you’ve got a or a cousin that would like a breath of country air, and that would be sort of company for you.” Juliet thought of MariaD, who com plained so much of sideache andjf eari ness in the evenings, ami instantly ac cepted the quaint proposition. “I don’t know whether I can paint a portrait or not, *’ she thought. “But at least I can try.” So Martin Appleby came to the ferry to meet the two girls, the next after noon; and Marian and Juliet went out to the farm on the Jersey meadow’s, where the red apples were just begin ning to fall, and the grapes hung in put pie festoons along the stone fences. “Aunt Marilla” was a fat old w’oinan, whose face resembled nothing more than a summer squash, with three beech-nuts stuck in it, by way of features. Mrs. Appleby was a plump, comfortable matron, who called everybody “my dear,” and kept house as her good Dutch ancestors had done before her, and honest Martin was the flower of them all. '1 he picture took some time longer than they had calculated, but neither Juliet nor Marian grudged the delay. “Marian is* enjoying this country air so much,” said Juliet. “Juliet is so absorbed in her art,” reasoned Marian. And by the time that Aunt Manila’s portrait was finished, they were all like one happy family. “I didn’t s’pose as city folks could be so nice,” said Aunt Marilla. “I al’avs reckoned they was sot up beyond every thing.” “I do like the farm so much,” said Marian, w T ho was helping Mrs. Appleby to “make over” the one silk gown that she had had for ten years. “lalwayss’posed,” said Mrs. Appleby, “that there was an end of the gown, because it takes so much material to fix a fashionable dress in these times, and I never had but twelve yards of silk. But Miss Marian she says, says she: ‘Why don’t you take your satin cloak and combine the two? It’s what everybody is doing nowadays, and long cloaks ain’t worn any more.’ And sure enough, there’s eight good wide yards of satin in the cloak, aud I shall have a first class dress and satin enough left for one o’ these yisites, as they call ’em, into the bargain. I declare, economy is wealth, and it’s Miss Marian that has proved it to me.” “There ain’t many girls like Miss Marian Jay,” said Martin, with an ap prot'ng nod of the head. Ai d Juliet, glancing suddenly up from her work, caught his eye, and colored scarlet. It was as if thought leaped to thought in their two minds, and each read the secret of the other’s heart. “He loves her 1” thought Juliet. “She thinks I am looldng beyond my station,” was his idea; “and perhaps she’s right.” Juliet did not rest well that night. She cried herself to sleep in the pretty little bed-room which looked out over the winding blue Hackensack River. “lam a selfish, hateful, mean-spirited creature,” she thought. “I was vain enough to think that he cared for me, and I am vindictive enough to feel a pang —yes, countless pangs—because he has discovered that Marian is a thousand ! tfmes fairer and sweeter than I am 1 1 I will discipline myself. I will conquer these mean grovelings of my base nature!” She finished the picture the next day, and put it in the frame. Aunt Manilla was delighted with the reproduction of the summer-squash face with the beech nut features. Perhaps it was not exactly a miracle of art, but it represented a comely old lady’s face, with an excellent copy of the gold neck-chain and the lace collar, with enough resemblance to in sure that there should be no mistake in identifying it; and the good old soul cheerfully paid for it a goodly price. “You are going home?” said Martin. “But you will leave Miss Marian here a few days longer. I think my mother never would get that dress done without her help?” “Oh, yes,” said Juliet,trying to smile, “Marian shall stay. And you needn’t take the trouble to drive me to the ferry boat, Mr. Appleby. I can just as well walk to Sipley’s Cross Koads, and take the horse-t ars there.” “Vou can,but I don’t think you will,” said Martin, quietly. “To speak the truth, Miss Juliet, I want a good long talk with you.’’ “Oh!” said Juliet. But they had gone some distance, however, before they began to speak. “Miss Juliet, I’ve made up my mind to do a very presumptuous thing,” said he. “To ask you to marry me.” “Me!” cried Juliet, starting so that she nearly dropped the basket of big blue plums, that she was carrying home to her mother, out of her lap. “You don’t mean me—you mean Marian!” “But I do mean you,’’said he sturdily. “Miss Marian is very sweet and lovelv, but I don’t think she cares for me, and I certainly don’t care for her. Don’t blush so, my darling. Is there anything very extraordinary in the fact of my lov ing you?” iSo it happened that Juliet and Martin became affianced on the way to the ferry boat. And .Juliet ran into the little red brick house in G irley Cdurt with cheeks all roses, and eves that sparkled like stars of happy light. “Oh, mother, mother!” she cried, as she emptied the blue plums into Mrs. Jay’s lap, “what do you think? I’ve promised to marry Mr. Appleby, and go and live on a farm on the Jersey flats. And Marian is to live with us, because the air agrees with her, aud you are all to come and stay with me whenever you* please. And lam so happy—oh, so very happy!” And even Mrs. Pretzel agreed, with the rest of the Jays, that Juhet’s art had done something solid and substantial for her; while Sophy and Kitty were over joyed. “We can pick real daisies in the fields now,” sa : d Kitty. “We can have somewhere to spend the holidays this year,” said Sophy. And Miss Jay did not require hei studio after that first quarter, for which she had paid in advance. —Saturday Night. Gossip About Bogota. At present it takes four days to go by mule-back from Honda, on the seaeoast of South America to Bogota. This Grenada region was originally occupied by the Chibcha ludians, who were a sort of American Buddhists, and numbered three-quarters of a million. Their capi tal was called Bocata, which has been corrupted. The elevation of the Capital is about 8750 feet, and, therefore, no body can work there more than five hours a day; bnt one hundred thousand! people live in Capital, which is a! dull place, main j£ouilt of adobe houses.: It costs .*IOOO to pay the freight on a piano to the city, and yet nearly all the well-to-do people have pianos. The street cars are brought over the terrific mountains in sections, and the rails were carried by a dozen persons per rail. New Yorkers own the street railroads, which charge ten cents. The po ice go on duty at night; they carry lassoes, and throw them over thieve* The society of Bogota is exclusive and they speak Spanish, but the upper classes make pre tentions to French. The politicians of Colombia have more influence than in any other country, but out of thirty three Presidents there seventeen have been Generals. They draw their institu tions from America, their finances from England, their morals from the French, and their eloquence from the Spanish. Writers and poets abound in the coun try. Church aud State are perfectly separated. There are some Protestant Ministers in the land. Paper money is general. Some of the hanks pay thirty percent, dividends a year. Beggars and ’ gamblers are plentiful, and the people love music. Orchids are sent out of the country to aristocratic Americans and Europeans, and these parasites cost from a cent to thirty ceuts a plant, and bring in Europe, in some ca>es, SSOO apiece. Bogota is half a mile further toward th< sky than the summit of Mount Washing ton, and yet the neighborhood abounds in tropical fruits and the streams art full of fish. Hotels there are bad, and a New Hampshire woman keeps the chief American boarding-house.— Cincinnati \ Enquirer. S range Fatality at Sea. A telegram from Madras, India, re ports an extraordinary fatality at sea- Soon after the steamship Clan Macin tosh had left Socotra, a series of deaths due to asphyxia occurred on board. Thi steward, accompanied by the butler and a boy, entered ihe stateroom in tbe por’ hold for tbe purpose of issuing stores leaving a man on the second deck to re reive the stores as handed up. The firs three had hardly reat hed the storeroon before the were asphyxiated by poison ous vapors emanating from the hold, anc the man above was also overcome anc fell. A fireman saw this man fall and re ported the matter to the second officer who immediately descended tire hole with a lighted lamp. This was extin guished, and the officer, overcome b] the gas, tell down. The chief office: then descended and found the body o the second officer. He had it hauled u] with slings and followed it. He thei descended again and endeavored t< rescue the others, but fell dead. Tin second and third engineers, two quarter masters, and several natives, after re covering the bodies, were with difficult’ revived. —Jjondon Times. Energy will do anything that canbf done in this world, and no talents, nc cir -umstances, no opportunities wil make a man without it. BUDGET OF FUN. HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM VARIOUS SOURCES. A I>ijji»irieci Courtship Another E»ay Begun—A Cheek was What He Wanted—H« First Trip, Etc. A pretty Boston school ma'a And a youth of mien seda, Were parting in the evening Beside the garden gate. His hand and heart he’d oil In a grave and sober wa, And she with quiet dignity Had named the happy day He lingered at the gate with And said in accents low: “There is a little favor I would ask before I go. “A favor never asked before. Ssweet maiden, it is this: A lover's privilege, that is all, A sweet betrothal kiss.” “If you wait,” the ifiaiden whispered, With her color rising high, “Till I remove my spectacles I’ll willingly comply.” ' —Boston Courier. , Another Day Begun. “Hush!” he whispered, with a warn ing gesture. “Isn’t that the night watchman’s ratties” “No, Mr. Sampson,” replied the girl, suppressing a yawn, “that is the cook grinding the coffee for breakfast.”— Tim \ A Check Was What He Wanted. Irate Father (to his wild son) —“Your extravagance, sir, must be checked! Son (smiling his gratitude and satis faction)— “Tiiankyou, father. Sit right down and write the check now. — Sift ing*. His First Trip. At a hotel hop—Young lady to dude “Have you danced much this even ing?” “Ah, no; this is my first trip.” “So I see,” remarked the young lady as the dude tripped over a long train and sprawled on the floor. —llo et Mai,!. The Sign Was Right. Long Island armer—“ Don’t you see that sign, and what it says.'” Pat Chogue “How can I, when it's out ov me soight?” Farmer—"lt says: ‘No Fishing on These Grouuds.’” Pat —“Be gobbs, it’s roight! Nary a wan have I caught at all.” She Got One. Angelica—“ Tell me, Augustus, what are those funny little boats the fisher men have?” Augustus—“ They are smacks.” “How cute they are! How I should like to have a little smack.” Augustus “Your wishes are my law. Lower your sunshade a trifle and you ai have a dozen.” A Shattered Idol. »us —“Only a day or two ago, .Tack, you were in raptures over Miss Gushing ton; you spoke of her ethereal style of beauty, her sylph-like figure, her trans cendent eyes; and now you say that all is over between you, and that you are goiug to Australia to begin life anew.” Jack (sadly)—“Ah. yes, Gus, dear boy; I saw her sucking an orange,”— New York Bis patch. Above Suspicion. Officer —“Look r here, you! What arc ye doin’ ’round here this time o’ tnornin’?” Stranger (boldly)—“l’m tendin’ to me bisness! Wat yer s’pnse?” Officer —“Oh, ye are! Where did that chicken come from?” Stranger (with more under his coat, savagely i —“lt come from a nog, av corse! What ’n hazes dd yer tink it 30. ne from! A sody-fountin’?” A Daily Horror. Ilussband (hurriedly swallowing his breakfast)--“Anything now in the paper this morning, my dear,”’ Wife—“ l es. Tnere was a terrible riot on the nolo grounds yesterday. ” Husband with excitement) — “You dou’t say so! What was it?” Wife —“During a bail game they knocked the pitcher out of the box and pounded him all over the field, Anally injuring a player so he died on third. Time. The Age We Live In. American Citizen (fifty years ago) — “My wagon’s broke down and ain’t worth mendin’. How long will it take you to build another?” Wheelwright—“ Wall, lemme see, ’bout six weeks, I guess. I ain’t got much to do to-morrow; come around and we’ll talk it over.” A. 1). 1888. —American citizen (rush ing in) —“Got any locomotives in stock?” builder—“ Not one.” “We must have another as quick as possible. How soon will it be done:” “In sixteen hours.”— Omaha World. A Wife‘s Little .Joke. She —“I’m so glad you can stay to tea. Such a joke as I’m going to have on my husband. He's always growing about my cooking, and to-day his mother hap pened to drop in and 1 got her to make some biscuit. Won’t he feel cheap when he begins to criticise and then finds out his mother made them her seif.” HALF AX HOUR LATER. He—“My dear, you’re becoming an angel of a cook. These biscuits are as fine as my mother makes.”— Detroit Free Press. - An Inverse Courtship. He Loved His Brother. “Mabel,” said Henry, and in spite of hit efforts to control himself his voice was tremulous, and he spoke with the air of timid des peration which marks the elocution of a man about to ask for the loan of sls. “Mabel, I do not kneel at your feet (and he wasn’t, he was sitting bolt upright on the sofa) to plead for myself. 1 come here only to think of my brother George. He —he loves you dearly, Mabel, and should you refuse his plea, I tremble for the consequences. He is all alcne in the world and he wants a sister-in law. Will you not be one to him?”— Burlington Ilawkeye. A Neat Housewife. She (before marriage) —“Yes, John dear, I think that cleanliness is certainly next to godliness. Neatness is a passion with me. A speck of dust or an untidy looking room affects me very unpleas antly. He (rapturously)—“Ah, darling, wfliat a wife you will make!” She after marriage)—“Now, John Smith. JVe just got the parlor to rights and the hall swept and the stairs dusted dywn, and if you expect to come intc tin ; house with those muddy boots on, youu! find yourself mistaken.” —Neu York Dispatch. Too Great a Risk. >\ ell you seem to be in first rate physicil condition,” said the insurance medical examiner to an applicant. “I think *ou will do. Mr. Smith (turning to the agent) I think I can report this risk good one—oh, by the way (to the applicant) do you know how to play baseball ?” “Why certainly.” “Do you think you know enough about it to umpire a game?” “Yes, I could umpire a game; but—” Mr. Smith, take him away. Company can’t have anything to do with him.”— Merchant Traveler. • * An Indian’s Contempt for Soldiers At the club the other night, a group of Western men were telling anecdotes of frontier life. Here is one w r hich struck me as being particularly good. Those who have been in the “far West” and have lived among frontier men will appreciate it, I dare say. In the course of the Indian war of 1882, it seems, General Sherman paid a visit to Camp Apache, in Arizona. While there, a huge red-skin, who was captain of the scouts, followed the General wherever he went, and frequently begged as a present one of the small cannons standing on the parade ground. Finally the General im patiently turned to the Indian, exclaim ing:^ “What do you want with the cannon, anyway? Do you want to kill my sol diers with it?” “No,” replied the Indian in his gut tural voice; “want to lull cow-boys. Kill soldiers with a club.” — New York Tribune. For. ?of Habit. “Docs the raor hurt you?’ No reply. , “Is the draft too strong?” No reply. “Shall 1 shut the door?” No reply. “Think Cleveland will be re-elected?” No reply. “Awful fire in New Y'ork last night!” Nd reply. Shave you pretty close?” m No reply. “Getting very warm now?” No reply. “That was a heavy thunder storm last night 1” No reply. “Shampoo?” No reply. “Trim your hair up a little?” No reply. “Hrilliantine on the moustache?” No “reply. “Bay rum?” No reply. Then the country barber, who was all alone in the breezy shop, sat down greatly refreshed, lie had been shaving himself.— Tuck. Useful Hints About Cased Birds. Feed no hemp. Give your bird a name. Keep vour pets tame,but do not fondle them. Don’t forget the bird's bath during hot weather. Let the floor constantly be strewn with gravel or sand. Two-thirds of the canaries in the country are called “Dicky.” Never put birds in painted cages. Gilt cages cost very little more. Hand-raided mocking birds always make hardier cage birds than trapped ones. A piece of copperas the size of a pea, in the drinking water, makes an excel lent tonic. Watch that pet cat of yours. Cats and pet birds never have iron-clod bonds of friendship. American-bred canaries are not. as a rule, as fine singers as the imported Ger man varieties. Never feed “bird manna” oranyothei “patent applied for” foods. Plain diet is what they want. The Goldfinch is a pweet singer, hav ing a clear metallic ring with modulated power, and very soft. The varieties of canaries are the Ger man, American, Cinnamon, Norwich, French, Scotch Fancy, Belgian. York shire, London Fancy, Lizard and Man chester Coppy. The varieties of parrots-are the Mari caibo, Blue Hock Macaw, Yellow-head Mexican, Cuban, Gray, Cockatoo, Blue Mountain Lory, King Lory and Blue liead Amazon. —Guide and Friend. A Unique Kind of Dumb-Bells. An Augusta boy who went regularly to the Young Men’s Christian Associa tion gymnasium last winter became much interested in developing his muscle. He had been told the best way to do this was to swing Indian clubs, beginning with a light pair and gradually increas ing the weight as he became stronger. As this would necessitate the purchase of several pairs of clubs, which he could ill afford, he hit upon the following scheme: He was the owner of two pups which, though small in size, possessed to a remarkable degree that tenacity of grip for which the bulldog is justlv cele brated. He easily taucht each of thess to fix his teeth in the end of a short stick, and then taking one of the sticks m each hand he waved them about his head in some of the simple movements. As the dogs grew his strength increased, and now he may be seen in easy posture performing all the graceful gyrations of an expert club swinger with two wooden handles, to the ends of which a couple of 13-pound bull dogs hang by their teeth with a death-like grip.— Lewistown (Me.) Journal. Miss De Jinks—“Are you musical, Professor Jorkins?” Professor Jorkins “Yes: but, if you are going t© play, don’t mind my feelings.” THAT LAST, LAST NIGHT. The moon hung glorious in the sky, As heart to heart, and eye to eye, Unheeding all the hours flew by That last, last nig ht. The trees were brilliant red ami gold - How passing sweet the story told— Ah! never long and never old— That last, last night. IV e pledged each other to attain . To Pisgah bights of heart and braTn, And each to each should true remain, That last, last night. A our hand, electric to my own, A our lips more precious than a throne, Were mine, ah, joy! and mine alone, That last, last night. I wonder, if in years to be, You will remember glade and tree* And whispered vows of constancy, That last, last night! —Sarah K. Bolton, in Detroit-Fee* Press* PITH AND POINT. Light minded—The gas man. Still life—ln a whisky factory. Drawers of water—Marine artists. A little shaver—A barber’s apprentice. Teh girl who won’t be won, remains one. Deaf old age is, after all, the “hey” day of youth. Do the pages at Washington constitute American history? Musical dicky birds no doubt prefer the “Song of the Shirt.” Men are inclined to accept a pretty woman at her face value. T he fortune teller is apt to find in her old age some of her palmiest days. Among the fresh novelists is Mr. Saltus, of New York . Washington Critic. Opportunities are like vacant lots. They must be improved to be profitable. The King of the Dudes has been mar ried about six months and is now sub lude. Now is the time to cone Bate the girl’ father or make friends with the dog.— Merchant Traveler. Why is a doctor like a broken windlass: Bee .use he can draw nothing from the well.— I VaYdngton. Critic. Fond Mother—“Do you like babies, Mr. Crusty?” Ciuty—“Er—yes, when they’re grown up.” Jiulg . “Will the coming man perspire?” queries a scientist, lie will if he comes on a run.— J- : .ngha»»-lon Tepubli an. The reason that birds clean out a fruit tree so quickly is that they take the fruit away a peck at « time.— Bouton Bulletin If we could see ourselves as others see us, some of us would sea ourselves a great deal better than we really are.— Detroit Tv e Tie s. She—“Oh, ain't that pitcher just too swret for anything? He—“ Well, I notice they ain't getting no flics off him. —New lla on News. Sheridan, the wit, bribed a man by promising him a candle-snuffer’s place, which Canning said was a “tiagrans delictum”—burning shame. “I will now disguise myself so that 3ven my most intimate acquaintance would not recognize me,” said the tramp is he entered the free bath. —Hotel Mill. The roses smell sweet And the groceries cneesy The ladies took neat And the butter spreads easy. — Oil City Buzzard. A phrenologist says that “fullness under the eyes denotes language.” When the fullness is caused by another man’s fist it denotes very, bad language, gen erally. Miss Highborn—“l tell you, Mr. Wild west, there is nothing like blood here in the East.” Wildwest—“lt’s the same in the West. We always keep it on tap.” —Burlington Free Tress. A camping enthusiast loudly declares His kind of vacation immense, For the man who a cooi canvas dwelling place shares, Finds living a pleasure in tents. —Boston Budget. >7ow it is announced that the troupe of Bussian musicians who play twenty four pianos simultaneously is coming to this country next season, and vve are still without a navy and coast defences. —Boston Tost. “Oh, Mrs. Smith, do please introduce Mr. Jones over there to me.” “It’s no good, dear, he won't dance.” “No, I know, but I want to sit out with him; he goes with my dress so beautifully.”— London Judy. “What’s that awful racket in the back room?” inquired a customer of one of the clerks; “somebody trying to yell the roof off!” “It’s the silent partner, sir; the firm is after him lor more money.”— New York Sun. She (looking at the sea'—“How grand, how glorious, George, it is to watch the angry waves as they lash themselves against the shore.” He (with equal sestaev, but less fluency) —“Y"es, and how damp it seems.” An Allentown tailoring firm employs a young woman to collect from swell cus tomers who are inclined to shirk paying honest debts. This seems to explode the old saying that woman’s work is never dun. ” — Norristown Herald. Oh, the skeeter possesses an airy wing, Arik it helps him to hustle around, A\ like lie's somewhat, alas! inclined to sing And tiis voice has a dolefui sound As re bores away with his little sting Till we wish we were under the ground. —Boston Budget. Woman (to tramp)—“Why don’t ye buy your food ’stead o’ beggin’ it?” Tramp—“ Madam, I’m too poor to buy even toothpicks.” Woman “That so? What d’ye do fer toothpicks?” Tramp —“I have to use barbed wire fences.” — New York Sun. “I don’t see,” said Mr. McGuire, as he sat in the stern of the vessel, “how the captain can find his way across the ocean. If he was going the other way, all he'd have to do would be to follow that white stieak behind there, but in front there’s nothing to point the way.” — Harper's Bazar. It is stated on reliable authority that Miss Mathilda Sheckels will marry the Duke of Bangkrupsie.in the autumn. Mr. Shcekels came to this country forty years ago and is worth $10,000,000 to day. lie has given an order to a florist to make a grand floral emblem for the wedding, bearing the words: “From the steerage to the peerage.” —New York Sun.