Newspaper Page Text
TRENTON, GEORGIA.
Statistics of the cost of public educa
tion in Prussia has just been published.
They show that the cost is fifteen cents
per head.
A Kansas ranchman predicts that
cheap beef and mutton of the future will
come from the immense grassy plains ol
Brazil and the Argentine Republic.
The German colony in China is said
to number about (500 members. The
number of German mercantile firms is
about sixty-five, larger than that of any
other nationality excepting England.
1 -
Competent authorities estimate the
total area of land in British India ca
pable of producing wheat at nearly 70,-
000,000 acres, less than one-third oi
which has as yet been utilized for the
purpose.
The only recognized G. A. R. post
outside of the United States is said to be
in Honolulu, Sandwich Islands. It is
called Post George W. De Long and al
ways observes Memorial Day with fitting
ceremonies.
California now ranks sixteenth in the
list of States arranged from a point ol
railway mileage. Illinois leads with 0000
miles of road, closely followed by lowa,
Texas and Kansas, while California
ranks sixteenth with 3677.
The California State Board of Horti
culture offers prizes for essays on the
best methods of crystalizing fruits. The
insipid flavor of most crystalized fruit
is the objection. AVhen this is over
come, the sales will largely increase.
During the last five years 433 lives
have been lost at sea among the English
herring fishermen. There are 49,231
fishermen and boys regularly employed.
The number of boats is 15,135, and the
capital invested in them and in their
nets and lines exceeds SB, 560,000.
'« ■■■«•■ ,
The school census of Chicago shows a
total population of 802,651, an increase
in the last two years of 98,834. The
‘average yearly increase of the city is
80,000. The total lor Cook county is
1,071,982, an increase in two years of
154,583, and in eight years of 464,461.
Of this the Chicago suburbs contain
about 150,000 people, raising Chicago
really to near 1,000,000 souls.
Indian hunting is, according to the
Atlanta Constitution, tjae popular amuse
ment in Brazil. On the frontiers it is a
common thing for parties of white men
to attack Indian villages and slaughter
the inhabitants. When this is impossi
ble they poison the wells with strych
nine, and in this way murder helpless
and innocent victims by wholesale. The
matter will be brought to the notice of
the government, '
Says the New York Sun: “Now there
is another rush of invalids like that of
the consumptives ’who go to the abat
toirs to be cured. This time the rush is
by rheumatics, who believe that they can
be cured by standing near the dynamos
in electric light establishments. This
new fad grows out of the idea that men
employed in the manufacture or use of
electricity never have rheumatism or
neuralgia. It is said to be a fact, and
another statement is that if a rheumatic
gets work that takes him constantly be-
Bide dynamos, his disease quickly leaves
him.”
Port Huron, Mich., has a gas well
that is six years old. The finders did
not know what it was when they struck
it. It was put down for oil, and, as the
Times says, the objects for which the
work was undertaken not having been
reached, it was abandoned, and by some
strange phase in this wide-awate com
munity it is being forgotten. The site
of the hole was originally a hollow basin.
It is now a mound. The action of the
gas through those years has forced over
500 tons of matter out of the bowels of
the earth and is still at work. A power
that might have been used in lighting
and heating our city is thus running to
waste in building a miniature hill.
The practice of sub-irrigation by means
of tiles, says the New York Times, is the
exact reverse of tile drainage, water
being supplied to the land through the
tiles instead of being drained away from
it. But ihere is no economy in the
quantity of water used; the ground must
be saturated anyhow, and it makes no
matter how the water is supplied.
Twenty thousand gallons would supply
an acre of land with three-fourths of an
inch of water, and this would be suffi
c cut in Florida, if given once a week,
so that a tank of this capacity filled every
twenty-four hours would supply five
acres. At first a much larger quantity
of water is required until the soil i 6 filled,
and then the quantity evaporated only
needs to be restored. This quantity de
pends, of course, upon the dryness of the
weather and upon the nature of the soil,
sandy land and porous subsoil using
more water by percolation than heavier
land with clay under it.
Dr. Becker, an eminent German sta
tistician, has been making careful in
vestigations into the subject of immi
gration as related to bis native country.
He liuds that in fourteen years, from
1871 to 1885, 1,400,000 Germans left
fatherland. Ot these, 1,300,000
came to the United States.
King Alfonso XIII., the baby poten
tatc of Spain, gives the Court of Madrid
a great cfeal of trouble, declares the New
York World. By law it is decreed that
only a nurse and certain attendants shall
lay hands on His Majesty. Not long ago
His Highness attempted to climb out of
a new cradle at the risk of his neck. A
courtier, one not allowed legally to touch
the King, saw his sovereign’s peril, and,
defying the law, rescued the precious
child in the nick of time, this rash
act he lost his place at court. The Q-’cc"
Regent, following the instincts of a
mother, found the life-saver a place far
removed from the baby-ruler.
The Shah has caused a great stir in
Persia by issuing an imperial edict tell
ing his people that “they may engage
■with perfect confidence iu all industries
aud enterprises which are the basis of
civilization and the sources of happiness
and prosperity;” that they “may with
out fear or apprehension of any kind
exercise all rights of ownership over
their property,” and that they “may
undertake any enterprise requiring the
combination of capital or the formation
of companies, such as the construction
of public works, roads, etc.” The
world may bo considered conquered,
observes the Times-Democrat, when
Persia opens her doors to civilization.
Professor Monroe Smith tells us, in the
Political Science (quarterly, some most
astonishing facts. Of all the population
of Massachusetts only 855,491 were born
of native parents, while 919,866 had
foreign parents and 119,741 were born
of mixed parentage. That is, Massachu
setts is in fact a foreign State, for 53.53
percent, of her blood is foreign. “There
are sixty-eight cities aud towns in the
commonwealth in which there is an ex
cess of persons of foreign parentage.
These towns have 58 per ceut. of the
population, while tho remaining 280
towns, which contain a majority of
native horn parentage, represent only 41
per cent of the whole.” That is, our
foreign influx gravitates into towns and
cities.
■mi 1 i■■ Kmmmmm—maammmmmm—mme*
The annual loss to productive minis
tries in the United Stales caused by in
sects is estimated by the Prairie Farmer
at $150,000,000. Here is a fair battle
between man and afiother sort of earth
occupiers. They are smaller, but if they
can whip us, have undoubtedly as good
a right to the world as we have. As
civilization advances new insects make
their appearance, marching sometimes
eastward, but generally wAwnrd.
There are few, if any, forms of vegeta
tion that have no parasites fliat devour
either foilage or fruit. The loss to the
cotton crop is estimated at $t S,OJ£/'OO a
year, while that to the apple crop i 9 not
much less, and that to the potato crop
one-half as much. But the estimate is
not a fair one until into the loss is
counted the time spent in fighting to
secure the proportion that is saved.
The Berlin Bureau of Statistics has
been collecting some interesting data on
the motive power of the world and its
distribution. Four-fifths of the engines
now running in the world have been
built in the last twenty-five years.
France possesses 40,590 stationary and
portable boilers, 7000 locomotives and
1850 steamships; Germany, 59,000 boil
ers, 10,000 locomotives and 1700 steam
ships; Austria, 12,000 boilers and 28,000
locomotives. The total power of the
steam engines in the United States is
equivalent to 7,500,000 ho'rse power; in
England 7,000,000 horse power; in Ger
many, 4,500,000 horse power. In this
account the power of 105,000 locomo
tives is not included, which are capable
of developing 3,000,000 horse power.
This makes the total horse power equal
to 40,000,000, equivalent to the work ol
1,000,000,000 men, or more than double
the whole working population of the
globe.
English landlordism in Ireland occa
sionally attracts the attention of Con
gross, observes the New York Sun, but
olficial documents sent to that body sug
gest that English landlordism in the
United States is worth keeping in view.
Two English syndicates hold in Texes
alone an aggregate of 7,500,000 acres.
A third syndicate has 1,800,000 acres of
American land. SirE. Reid, K.C. 8.. his
2,000,000 acres in Florida, and a Scotch
syndicate 500,000 acres in that State.
The London firm of Phillips, Marshall &
Co., has 1,300,000 acres in this country;
another London firm 1,750,000 acres.
A German sydicate has 1,100,000 acres.
An English company possesses 700,000
acres in Mississippi; another has 750,000
®cres to its credit. A dozen other
foreign companies or individuals have
acres figuring in the hundred thousands.
Sometimes these great trusts appear to
work to the injury or inconvenience of
neighboring actual settlers; and, at all
events, as the country becomes developed
; around these enormous holdings, the
' Government should see that no law is
broken by the S . igne*: having charge
' of them _ - —.
THE LIGHT OF HOME.
Across ti c sen waves, tossing in the gale,
The beacon shines, a steadfast, guiding
light,
To where the harbor frees from straining
sail,
And weary sailors slumber through fche
night
Across the waves of life’s tempestuous sea
A guiding light shines like a lustrous star;
No distance hides it, and there cannot be
A storm that will its brilliant glory mar.
And as the sailor, when tho wind is loud,
Sees the far beacon flash athwart the foam,
So mail will sec amid life’s blackest cioud,
The saving, tender glory light of home. ■
—Thomas S. Collier, in Poston Courier.
CATChISG A KING, ~
Having safely landed at St. Louis,
West coast of Africa, we soon bargained
with the owner of a .suitable boat for a
trip up the Senegal fttver in search of
menagerie stock. For a certain sum he
was to obey our orders for thirty days,
besides furnishing all articles of food and
drink. There were three white men of
us, and each of us had two servants,
while there were seven or eight men
belonging to the boat. We had no cargo
except the goods and cages belonging "to
the menagerie expedition, and the boat
was a craft somewhat resembling an
American canal boat, but very light” and
propelled by three oarsmen ou°a side.
What we wanted was to capture some of
the big lions at the great Sahara Desert,
aud we had been shipped away from
Gibraltar very quietly to try a new idea !
in animal hunting.
Now, while I had long been in the em
ploy ol a German house, and could rat
tle off the language faster than any native
born, I was still a Yankee from top to
toe, and it did not take more than two
words against my country to set me on
edge. When we made our fourth camp
up the river we were a good fifty miles
above salt water and in the lion country.
What was my disgust to find a large
party ahead of us—not animal catchers,
but animal killers. There were five or i
six English army and naval officers, with I
a large retinue of servants, two French
officers, and three or four French civil
ians. All the officers were on leave of
absence and out for a grand liou hunt.
\\ hen they found we were only menagerie
men their welcome grew cold very ”'ast.
They had come to meet the king of beasts
in the open and give him a chance for
his life. We had come to effect his cap
ture and degradation by underhanded
measures. 1 can see now why they
should have felt contempt for our voca
tion, albeit it was an honest one and one
requiring courage, but; 1 couldn’t see it
then. Therefore, certain remarks let
fail that night in my heaiing nettled me,
and aroused all my Yankee pride. My
companions were likewise indignant,
and as we turned in for the night, our
boat at the bank in front of their camp,
jt would not have taken much more to
bring an open rupture.
> Two of the hunting party were par- ■
ticularly offensive—an English paymas
ter and a French civilian. The latter
had a title of some sort, and was looked
up to on account of it. The paymaster
talked because he saw that it displeased
us; the Frenchman because he was both
ignorant and conceited, ff'he point they
aimed to make was that it took a brave
man to hunt a lion, while any coward
could set a trap for him. Now, each one
of us had not only downed our lion in a
fair fight, but our tiger as well, aud we
talked it over before going to sleep, and
determined not to move on next (lay, as
we had at first intended. We needed no
assurance boatmen that we
were in the lion country. To the north
of us stretched.the great desert of sand
and shrub, and before 10 o’clock the
voices of several lions had been hoard oa
the still night air. Next morning wc
all moved about three miles up the
stream to a more broken country grown i
up to bushes, aud here, as most of the
men were making ready to go out on a I
hunt, the Frenchman took occasion to !
express his surprise to me that we had ;
guns along. He supposed, he said, that 1
we hid ourselves in trees, and lassoed the j
lions as they passed beneath, or that we
set steel traps in his path and gave him
no show to escape, it was meant for an
insult, aud I was at a white heat, but I
choked down my wrath and waited.
We knew from the lay of the ground
that no lion would be found within five
miles of the stream, as the cover was not
of the right sort, and none of us went
out with the party. Of the five or six
who did go all carqe back footsore, but
full of brag. Like the boy who had “al
most seen a bear,” they had discovered
the spoors of lions, and were greatly ex
cited and encouraged. A general hunt
would be made ou the morrow.
While the liou generally shakes off
sleep at sundown, and indulges in a roar,
he seldom leaves his cover until an hour
or two later. On this night we had a
full moon early in the evening, and we
knew that '.he lions would be heard from
by i) o’clock. The three of us had left
the boat, and were under shelter on the
bank below the other party. We had
fully canvassed what was to be done,and
had drawn lots to see who should be se
lected. I was the lucky winner. It was
not more than a quarter after nine when
a lion roared, and greatly to our satis
faction we found that he was directly
north of us. For a space of fiOO feet the
ground was as level as a floor. Then it
ascended slightly for a hundred feet
further to a ridge, beyond which was
rocky and broken ground. As we sprang
up we made out two lions on this ridge.
The moon was clear, and we could see
them almost as plainly as by day. They
were male and female of large size, and
the fact of their exposing themselves so
boldly proved the ; r courage. I was all
ready, and after a hand shake with my
companions I walked over to the other
party, which had been thrown into a
state of great excitement. Some had
their guns, and some were bringing them
out, and I raised my voice and com
manded attention, and said:
“Gentlemen, the lions are here! Do
not open a fusillade and scare them off,
but wait until they come;nearer.”
“Would you wait until they are in the
camp?” shouted the paymaster.
“Not exactly, but they must have a
fair show, you know Even our cow
ardly natives here can fire off guns and
raise a great row. Why don’t a couple
of you go forward with your rifies?”
“’Ear him talk!” growled an English
man.
“Yon and I will advance upon tho
beasts alone,” I said to the French sprig
of nobility, who stood with gun in
hand.
“No! no! no !”he replied as he backed
off.
“Rut I thought you gave tho lUn a
fair show? Is there a man in this crowd
who dares go with me?”
I stepped out, revolver in hand, and
for half a minute there was a deep silence.
Then two or three of them urged me not
to be foolhardy, while two or three oth
ers growled out that it w r as only Y ankee
bluff and bluster. The lions roared
again, making the very earth tremble,
i aud I saw that neither had changed
position.
“Some of you have seen fit to slur the
nerve required by men in our vocation,”
I said when the roarings died away. “I
am going to drive those lions off the
ridge. I slionld like company. Who
will come with me?”
Not a man moved.
“Very well, I will go alone. This, as
all can see, is my only weapon.”
I struck out at a moderate pace, face
to the lions and the revolver in hand.
I was going to bluff the beasts or lose
my life. I believed they could be
bluffed. They stood about four feet
apart, heads elevated aud tails up, aud I
had uot advanced forty feet when they
both uttered a deep growl. Before I hud
gone a hundred feet the men were beg
ging me to return. Had I faltered or
halted or looked back my power would
have vanished iu a second. I had my
eyes on the lions, and I went steadily
forward. They growled again aud
switched their tails. When I had ad
vanced one third of the distance the fe
male crouched as if for a run at me,
while the male was evidently uneasy.
At half the distance the male advanced
a step or two, with a low roar, and the
female changed her place to the other
side of him. Behind me every man held
his breath, believing I was going to cer
tain death. I am uot going to deny
that I was in a tremble, and that I would
have given ten years of my life to be out
of the segape, but I had been insulted
and slurred as a Yankee, and I was either
to die like a Y’ankee or come off with
Hying colors.
When I had come within fifty feet of
the lions I fully expected they would
rush upon me. Both were excited and
angry, and both ready. Here was where
nerve came into play. It was a game of
bluff, but it takes nerve to bluff. I kept
straight on for the male, and he let me
come within thirty feet —twenty—ten—
indeed, I got the full strength of his of
fensive breath before he sprang aside
with a snarl and trotted away. His
mate followed his movements, and I was
saved. Every man who has hunted the
lion knows that, if you can upset him he
becomes cowardly. To upset him you
have got to work on his other nature. He
is as easily mystified and just a 3 super
stitious as an old woman. The idea of
my daring to come stra’ght at them,
alone and apparently unarmed, was too
much for their equanimity. Once they
were on the run they became more
frightened with every rod, and this per
mitted me to carry out the second part of
the programme. I shouted after them,
calling them jackals and cowards, and
ch ised the male along the ridge for forty
rods ot more. I also emptied my re
volver at the pair, taking care not to aim
too carefully, and the result was that
both ran off into the desert, with their
tails dragging. I returned to camp to
receive an ovation, and Yankee stock
went above par at a single bound. I, of
course, tried to make light of the ad
venture, but I was really in a cold sweat,
and my knees did not get over iheir
we lkness for hours.
Next day we separated from the party
and pushed on up the stream for twenty
miles, where we halted and made a per
manent camp. The left-hand bank was
here timbered and broken, offering good
cover for lions, and our first night satis
fied us that we had them in plenty
around us. Ou the next night our new
idea in lion catching was put to the test.
As it was in one.sense a failure, and as it
is no longer practised,! can give it away
without injury to any one. A German
I chemist had compounded for us an
! opiate. As we could not give it direct
| to the lion, it was poured down the
throat of a calf. 1 neve'- kuew what the
stuff was, but we forced a yearling calf
to imbibe about a pint of it, and for the
following ten minutes he acted as if
drunk. Then he got sleepy, and lay
down and closed his eyes while we were
switching him. We removed him to a
ravine about half a mile from camp, and
1 soon after dark a pair of lions came
down and killed and ate him. We were
| astir at early uawn, and we found both
auimals within a quarter of a mile of the
spot. They were lying fiat on the earth,
helpless as old drunkards, and we had
had them caged for hours before they
threw off the stupor. We waited a week
to discover what effect the stuff would
have. ‘Neither one recovered from the
i dose, one dying on the sixth and the
: other on the seventh day. They acted
I languid, had no appetite, and it was
; plain that they had been thoroughly
knocked out by the drug. We were
thinking of trying it again and using a
less quantity, when the two jugs hold
ing the stuff were broken by accident,
and that Was the end of our scheme.
Others have tried it, but no animal
caught that way lived to reach Amster
| dam.
On the ninth day. having discovered a
runway down which the lions came to
drink at the river, we prepared a trap by
digging a deep pit. This was the work
of natives, and their skill was something
to wonder at. When they had finished
their work, the keenest white man would
have kept the path without suspicion
of danger. A few branches* and reeds
held up a layer of earth, and thi3 earth
was so pat-ed down that it seemed to
have beeu trodden for weeks. When
all was ready the natives broke a branch
off a bush beside the path in a peculiar
way. This they told us would present
hyenas or jackals from following the
path. Then a rag was hung on a limb
over the path to keep hoofed beasts
from walking into our pit, and ah was
ready. When night came we heard
lions all around us, and one came so close
to camp as to alarm us. but if they went
to the river they did not follow the path
we had meddled with. The next day
was very close, and we were sanguine of
what the night would bring forth.
I was in hopes we might capture the
big male lion which had disturbed camp
the night previous. He was a monster,
had a very heavy mane, and, as we coilld
see by the spoor left behind, his right
I foot had been hurt at some time. When
j niirhc came two lions began investigating
I our environment, but neither was full
grown. I p to eleven o’clock the big
lellow had not appeared, and the natives
argued from this that he was lying be
side some game he had killed, and would
be certain to go after water before visit
ing us. Such was probably the case.
It waa a little after midnight when we
heard a sound between a scream and 8
roar, and the natives began to shout and
explain that the noise was uttered by the
lion as he felt the earth giving way un
der him.
Daylight had hardly come when scouts
went out to the pit to investigate, 'lffiey
speedily returned with the news that we
had trapped one of the biggest lions in
Africa. We had to take ropes and a
cage over, and when I reached the pit
the lion was sitting on end and looking
up at the crowd as if greatly puzzled.
He had made a great fuss and tired him
self out, the pit being so deep and nar
row that he had no chance to use his pow
erful muscle in a leap. Having placed
the cage, we ran one end of the ropes
through the bars made slip nooses at the
other. For a full hour the old fellow
fought the nooses off whenever they
touched him, but by and by we got one
over his head and another under a hind
leg, aud up he came in a heap, choking,
biting, striking and gasping. We hauled
him into the cage and released the ropes,
aud when he got his wind he was so mad
and disgusted that he slumped down on
the floor and shut his eyes and cried.
AY hen we had time to look him over, we
found one of his forefeet crippled. He
must have cut it open on a sharp rock a
long time before, for it was fully healed
up, though it bothered him to walk, lie
was the identical chap who had almost
leaped into our camp, and his weight, as
recorded at Amsterdam, was fourteen
pourrds heavier than any lion had shown
lor three years. Iu the course of the
mouth we got two others, both full
grown, and all were sent off from the
coast in good condition. —New York San.
WISE WORDS.
Love laughs at fate.
Give a loaf and beg a shive.
Look not mournfully into the past.
The frugal father has the spendthrift
son.
Wc long most for the things we have
missed. »
Good management beats luck in the
long run.
We are apt to blame luck for our own
mistakes.
A wink is not as good as a nod to an
auctioneer.
Leisure for men of business, and busi
ness for men of leisure, would cure many
complaints.
Do not ask another to do what you
would be glad to do under similar cir
cumstances. ‘
Never needlessly wound the vanity of
another or dilate unnecessarily upon dis
agreeable subjects.
Do not make witticisms at the expense
of others which you would not wish to
have made upon yourselves.
The art of exalting lowliness and giv
ing greatness to little things is one of
the noblest functions of genius.
As riches and favor forsake a man, we
discover him to be a fool; but nobody
could find it out iu his prosperity.
The faculty of always seeing the bright
side, or, if the matter has no bright side,
of shining up the dark one, is a very im
portant one.
No school is more necessary to children
than patience, because either the will
must be broken in childhood, or the
heart in old age.
In judging others, a man labors to no
purpose, commonly errs, and easily sins;
but in examining aud judg ng himself,
he is always wisely and usefully em
ployed.
Alas! this time is never the time for
self-denial; it is always the next time.
Abstinence is so much more pleasant to
contemplate upon.the other side of in
dulgence.
Spend your time in nothing which
you know must be repented oi; spend it
in nothing which you might not safely
and properly be found doing if death
should surprise you in the act.
Precarious Livelihoods.
•
In a great metropolis like New York,
the methods by which people earn a live
lihood are immensely varied. An old
man who goes about from house to hoase
begging for old tin cans says he makes
a very good living by rolling out the
sheets and then painting small signs on
them. A New 5 orker makes an income
of SIO,OOO to $15,000 a year as a broker
of manufacturing buildings and sites.
Perhaps the oldest trade is that ot the
man whft goes around to the ragpickers
and buys from them all the perfect paper
bags which they gather. Paper bags are
so cheap when new that it would seem
impossible that any one could make a
living from buying and sell ng second
hand ones. The demand for them, how
ever, is very great among the small fruit
stands which are to be found in all of the
principal streets. These fruit dealers,
by the way, generally have a secret ar
rangement with the employes in the bag
stores, by which they get a generous
supply of paper bage in exchange foi
fruit. This accounts for the fact that
on almost every fruit stand can be seen
an assortment of bags bearing the im
print of drygoods, grocery and other
houses. —Netc York Tribune.
Wasted Sunbeams.
A paper on ‘ Wasted Sunbeams,” by
Dr. G. M. Smith, of New York, printed
in the Medical Record, embodies some
good suggestions. The author’s aim is
to show that great advantages to health
might be secured by a rearrangement ol
the upper stories of private uwellings.
“Cannot architectural ingenuity,” he
asks, “coached by sanitary science, con
trive fome method of using the thou
sands of acres of housetops, so that roofs,
now so useful in affording protection
from cold, sleet and rain, can be made
additionally useful, at certain seasons, by
affording outdoor recreation and protec
tion from invalidism? Caunot the same
skill contrive new designs for the upper
and most salutary stories of our dwell
i ings—playing-rooms and suuning-rooma,
especially adapted for the winter season,
I but so cleverly fashioned that too in
! tense torrid beams can be excluded in
! summer. „
VACATION.
• weary with thy work,.
Wo-a- with the daily strife,
AY ho knoweth that success is va: \
That dreams fade out of life.
Go to thy mother's heart for rest
Deep as thy childhood’s sleep
Her tired children safe and closl*
Thy mother yet can keep.
For still ’tis true, as in those days
Long past, of mirth and song,
Calm Nature great all-mother is,
With love and memory long.
Find dien, thou canst, on Nature's heaik,
This solace for thy pain—
The joy that blossoms with the grass.
The gladness of the grains
The happy breaking into song
Of brook, and bird, and l ee,
And on the wind that lifts the wave
And bends the willing tree.
On silent pools beneath the hills.
Where quiet shadows lie,
On waters swift, and changing liua
Let fall thy line and fly.
Let thy heart dance with dancing leaves
And with the pattering rain—
Bo shalt thou find, though day decline,
childhood's rest again.
—Edward Carlton.
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
Glucose is a sugar beat.
A hand-spring—The pump.
The moose has a great head.
An ink-convenience—A pen.
A sin of commission—More than ten
per cent.
Milk that is absolutely pure, must be
milk of the first water. Lite.
The lighthouse keeper ought to bo
well posted in light housekeeping.
It is not surprising that an alma mater
should give her students a diplo-ma.—
Time.
Newl'orkcan stand the rag and tag,
but it can’t endure the bobtu.i car.—
Lowell Court-r.
AY'heu a man sits down and reflects,
it does not always prove that he is
brilliant. —Judge.
A manse, little iriend, is a house, and
a, romance ought to be a boat bourn, but
it is not. — Harper's Bazar.
Au Exchange says: “The buttermilk
habit is spreading.” So is the butter
habit, for that matter. — Picayune.
Bill collectors sometimes imitate the
promoters of a colonization scheme and
offer special inducements to settlers.
A Pittsburg man has a parrot which
can say “Polly wants a cracker!” in
three different languages. She is a Polly
glot.
It is hardly fair to sueer at a carpentei
because you kee him driving every day.
Driving nails is not a luxurious pastime.
Harper's Bazar.
“Mamma,” said little AA'illie, inspect
ing a porous pilaster, “are them holes
where the piaiu comes through?”—•
Drake's Magazine.
• One of the parachute jumpers has been
killed out West iu falling from his
balloon. He took a drop too much.—
Philadelphia Press.
A Boston weighing machine has this
inscription over it: “Insert a half-dime
in the aperture aud ascertain your
avoirdupois. — Bazar.
“I hear jou have had au addition to
your family, Mr. Brown.” Mr. Brown
(sadly): “.Multiplication, my dear
Madam—tw : ns!” — Life.
Guest —“Isn’t my dinner ready yet?”
New AY T aitcr—“O, certainly: it was
ready yesterday. It is just being warmed
over a little.” — Siftings.
The recent act which prevents the
sending of dunning postal caids through
the mails should have been entitled:
“Post No Bills”— New York News.
Eastern people are discussing the
question: “Who is the greatest living
novelist?” The correct answer is that
there isn’t any. —Detroit Free Press.
“She’s the evenest temper ever you saw”—
He said as he saw me wince—
“ She got mad once at seven years old,
An’ she’s stayed mad ever since.”
Time.
De Smith—“Hellof Travis! A'ou
look awfully cut up about something.”
Travis —“Y'es; shaved myself for the
first time this morning.— Burlington
Free Press.
“These are hard times,” sighed the
young collector of bills. “Every place I
went to-day 1 was reqyested to call again,
but one, and that was when I dropped in
to see my girl.”— siftings.
A young Philadelphian perceives the
disadvantage of living in the “Quaker
City,” when he gets a letter from his best
giri, addressing him as •••Friend
Charles. ” Life. •
“That’s it!” exclaimed Mrs. Bascom
at the concert, as the singers came out
again in iesponse to an en.ore. “Make
’em do it over again until they get the
thing right.” —Burlington Free Press.
A cynical man says that there are two
occasions when he would like to bo
present. One is when the gas company
pays its water bill; the other is when the
water company pays its gas bill.—Sift
ings.
Says Willie to Clara: “You blush, maiden
meek;
’Twas my glance that planted the rose in
your cheek.
Let me pluck it!” Her lashes the blush-roses
sweep.
Says she: " ’Til but right where you sow you
should reap.”
— Judge.
Prosecuting Attorney (selecting a
jury)—“lsn’t the prisoner a relative of
yours?” Juror—“No, sir; he is a rela
tive of my wife's.” Prosecuting Attor
ney— “Your Honor, the prosecution ac
cepts this gentleman.”— New York Sun.
i.eadcr of Street Band (looking into
the sky with extreme disgust, and speak
ing in stentorian voice) —• ‘Half an hour’s
playing and only thirteen cents! We
will try one of Wagner’s grand com
positions.” Shower of silver coin from
neighboring window and fifty voices in
agonized entreaty—Mo\e on!— Chicago
Tribune.
“Why, sir.” said the fireman, “the
ingratitude of some people is way be
yond understanding. At the Skyhi (’at*
last week I saved a stock-broker’s
daughter —carried her down a spliced
ladder seventy feet long, and now” —th*
honest fellow gasped for breath— “l’n»
blowed if he doesn't want me to marry
her.” — Fete York Neu> <. .-