Below is the OCR text representation for this newspapers page.

A * •• Jlailc <fonnlji TRENTON, GEORGIA. John Most, the New York Anarchist, Bays that there are 500,000 Socialists in the United States. If the arming of the German cutrass iers with lances proves a success, the dragoons and hussars will be armed in the same wav. A recent official publication estimates the average annual decrease of the In dians aiC nearly 2000. Their present total number in the United States, exclusive «f Alaska, is about 245,000. There have been 355 persons arrested in the United States during the current year for violation of the laws against •counterfeiting, etc. Seventy have been convicted and sentenced to imprison mnent. __________________ The work of the United States Fish 'Commissioners is appreciated. Begin ning in 1868 with one hatchery and SIOOO appropriation, they now ' hatcheries and an annual app of about $25,000. The Cincinnati Enquirer decl. the source of all yellow fever which this country has, or ever has had, is Cuba. She should be cleaned up or cleared out. It is nothing but miserable mismanage ment which makes that beautiiul island a breeding-place for pestilence. In the manufacture of cotton the United States is the second nation in the world, led only by Great Britain, which uses fifty per cent, more thau this coun try. We Consume two and one-half times as much raw cotton as Germany, and three times as much as France. Robert Harding, a young English So cialist, when he wants to make a speech on the streets or public squares, padlocks himself with a chain to an iron fence or some similar fixture. Then when the police come to take him in they have to spend a long time in getting him un fastened, and he can make a pretty long speech before he is carried off. An English farmer who has been in vestigating the caterpillar pest, which is proving so destructive to the fruit and nut crops in Kent, lias concluded that the spawn which produced the caterpil lars was deposited by the swarms of butterflies which swept the coasts last autumn, and which were supposed to have been driven over from the conti nent by the storms. English railroads do not cut prices, observes the Detroit Free Preis, but they do cut time and have the fastest trains in.the world. The Flying Scotchman used to do 394 miles in nine hours. A rival put on a train that equals this, and now the Scotchman does the distance in eight hours. Notwithstanding the great speed of the English railroads they killed only 121 passengers last year. South London is to have a new under ground railroad. It is being built sixty feet under ground. Passengers are to reach it by hydraulic elevators, to carry fifty persons at once. The tunnel is being driven by the use of a steel shield slightly larger than the iron rings of which the tunnel is to be constructed. The steel •hield has a knife edge, and is driven forward at the rate of fifteen feet a day by hydraulic rams worked by hand. Sheriff Grant, of New York, accord ing to the Courier-Journal, has declared that he would not hold his present office after January 1, for five times the present value of the position, which is SIO,OOO per year. The new law requiring exe cutions in New York to be by electric shock goes into effect on the date named, and Sheriff Grant fears that it might fall to his lot to execute a criminal and that thereby his name might become in some way attached to the new system. • The Khedive of Egypt has, by a de cree, taxed laud devoted to the growing of tobacco in his domains $157.50 an acre, and the Egyptians have refused to grow tobacco. The result is, remarks Frank Leslie's, that, instead of the usual crop of 13,000,000 pounds, not more than 1,000,000 pounds are expected this year, whereat our Maryland tobacco man ufacturers particularly rejoice. Virginia and North Carolina will also profit; but Mary land is entitled to assume that her products wiii be most in demand, be cause the Balt more tobacco has been made the official tobacco of France. A leading Chicago restaurateur, avers the Prairie Farmer, comes pretty near solving the problem of how to furnish the poor with good food at almost nominal cost. He will buy the entire carcass of beef at an average cost of eight and one-half cents a pound, re serve for his restaurant the choice por tions that would cost him twenty-two cants a pound, aad with the remainder make soup. With the meat and bread he proposes to furnish from a large kitchen »t five cents a meal, excellent food to individuals and families. The scheme is not a charitable one, but purely a business venture, run for profit. The French Government is sab j j- aVB ordered 20,000 portable cool stoves for camp use for the arr q-^ c in . ventor, on a test, serv. d U p a (Jinnee 0 ( three courses for thirty persons a cost for heating and coc a t Jess than four cents. lie use steam es the basis of his heat. An imperis’e nknso has been issued in Russia extending the term of military service from fifteen to eighteen years, five years ir* the active army and thirteen years i.n the reserves. The annual con- Vmgont of recruits, which in the last yer.rs numbered about 235,000, is raised for the present year to 250,000. \iu ys the New York Pod: “The Liber al journals in Belgium are calling atten tion to the great increase in tbe number of Mouvcnts in the kingdom. In the thirty four years from 1840 to 1880 the number of such establishments increased from 773 to 1599, and the number of inmates from 11,908 to 25,302. In the Province of Luxemburg, where until recently monks were almost unknown, there are now quite a number of monasteries. In the town of Bruges, the capital of West Flanders, it appears that the religious bodies maintain no less than forty houses.” The statue of Marion F. Wells, the discoverer of gold in California, i 3 a bronze backwoodsman ten feet high, clad in fiannel shirt, top boots and slouch hat, holding a nugget in the right hand, while the left points downward. The gesture is explained by the fact that the monument will stand on Marshall Hill, El Dorado county where Marshall found the gold. The figure will be placed on a pedestal and mound twenty five feet high, undone panel of the hex agonal shaft will bear a bronze relief, showing Sutter’s mill. Other decora tions to tbe monument are miner’s tools, logging camp, saw and ax, the seal ol California, and a frieze with a pine cone as a motif. Mrs. James Nader lives on a small farm near Pottstown, Penn. A year ago she was the mother of twenty-two living children, the youngest being a few months old. There was a mortgage for $550 on the little Nader property. The holder of the mortgage one day, a year ago, said in a joking way to Mrs. Nadei that if her family numbered twenty-four children within the coming year he would lift the mortgage. A few days ago he called to collect the year’s interest on the debt. Mrs. Nader quietly con ducted him to a cradle iu her sitting room, exhibited to him a pair of three weeks’ old twins, and reminded him of his promise. The mortgage was can celled and the twins presented with SIOO besides. _ There are still some old-fashioned bandits in the world, muses tbe Times- Democrat. One Beitullah, a Turk, has shown himself worthy to have lived days when brigandage, under one name or another, was the only profession for a gentleman. Beitullah had long wooed a beautiful girl named Aishe, and he finally won her by force, carrying her off in a raid upon Guebzah, where she lived. The ceremony was duly per formed in the presence of his followers, and on its conclusion the bridegroom wrote to the officials of Guebzah, in forming them of the wedding and re questing them to properly register it. He threatened them with terrible ven geance if they failed to thus legalize his wedding. The growth and magnitude of the United States, states the New York Graphic , are brought out very strikingly in a little volume of sixty pages just issued by the Treasury Depart ment, entitled “Receipts and Disburse ments of the United States for the Fiscal Year ending June 30, 1887,” Over a million of dollars a day, including Sun days—that is what the jkatement of re ceipts shows. The total gross receipts of the year were $371,404,277. That is several millions more than the year be fore, and in fact is more than any year except war times. The Customs service paid $218,000,000 of it, internal revenue $118,000,000, public lands $10,000,000, miscellaneous $23,000,000. As to the other side, the grand total of expenses is set down at $207,000,000. That leaves a net profit for the year’s business of over $100,000,000. Of the disburse ments $40,000,000 were for salaries, $68,- 000,000 for ordinary expenses, $14,000 000 for public works, and $137,000,000 for unusual and extraordinary expenses, meaning pensions, war claims, head stones for soldiers’ graves, maintenance of soldiers’ homes, etc. There are some curious points among the incidentals of the expenses. It shows, for instance, the salaries of the much groaned about navy to be less than a quarter of a mill ion a year, while those of the War De partment are four times as much, and those of the Treasury officials ten times as much as the navy salaries. The salaries aid mileage of Congress are esti mated at over $2,000,000 a year. Mrs. Captain Tom is the name of the richest Indian in Alaska. She is worth about s2o,ooo,and lives royally at Sitka, surrounded by slaves, bhe lately joined the Presbyterian Mission. Queen Margherita, of Italy, is popu larly called “The Queen of Hearts.” the Lazy man. Pm the la ziest 'man, I reckon, that a mortal ever seed I Grot money ? Narya dollar! I wasn’t built fer greed, Eter graspin’ an’ fer gripin’ where the revenue is found; I’m what you call a lazy ’un—jes’ built fer lyin' round! Contented? Mighty right I am; when spring win Is whisper sweet. In the meadows where the daisies make a carpet fer your feet; Where the nestin’ birds are chirpin’; where the brook, in witch in’ play, Goes laughin’ on, a-pushin’ all the lilies out of his way. You’ll find me almost any time a lyin’ at my ease, With the lull song o’ the locust and the drowsy drone o’ bees Above me and aroun’ me: I’m a poet in my way, An’ I rather hear the birds sing ’an to shoot ’em any day! “Jes’ laziness,” they tell me, an’ I reckon they are right; But the world’s so full o’ beauty, an’ you can't see much at night! But different folks has different minds, nor drink from the same cup; When I’m talkin’ to the lilies, they’re a-plow in’ of em’ up. My field’s a pasture for the cows, an’ though it never pays, It’s a source of pleasure to me jes’ ter see the creatures graze! The tinkle, tinkle o’ the beds is such a pleas in’ sound, But I’m 'a lazy chap, you know, jes’ built fer lyin’ round! — F. L. Stanton. A SENATORS STORY* BY HON. GEORGE G. TEST. [Several years ago, at the request of some Missouri boys, in whom he felt an interest, United States Senator Vest wrote a story for a little paper they were publishing. The story was printed anonymously, however, und few of those who had an opportunity of reading it knew who th 9 author was. The Senator has given permission for tha story to be republished under his own name. It is as follows:] In 1863, while passing through a vil lage in Mississippi, I was approached by a surgeon of the Confederate army with inquiry as to my name and place of na tivity. As I had no special reason for withholding the desired information I was told that my cousin, Charley S , from Kentucky, had been badly wounded in a recent fight with the enemy and was then lying in the hospital at that place and in a critical condition. “He is badly o!T,” said the doctor, “mentally and physically, and unless some one takes a special interest in him, and in the right way. he will die.” > Charley and myself had been raised together, but had not met for years. In early manhood our paths in life had widely diverged. I had gone to the far West, and on the breaking out of the war had entered the Confederate service from Missouri, whilst he had become a citizen of Mississippi and had been in the same service from the beginning of hostilities with the command of General Chalmers. A very few minutes’ walk brought me to the hospital where Charley lay with hundreds of other gallant fellows, wait ing for the result—life or death. The sepulchral light in the shadowy room, the half suppressed moans of agony, the weird shapes of the Sisters of Mercy noiselessly living from couch to couch, were not chW ful, to say the least, and when I looked down at the poor, wan, emaciated form before me, stretched upon a cot, and realized that this was what war had left of the glad-hearted, robust friend of my boyhood—well, I was rather disposed to give up a few of “my rights in the Territories,” if they would let me live peaceably in the States. “Charley,” saidl, “old fellow, do you kpow me?” “Yes,” he whispered, whilst a faint gleam of light came into his eyes; “I heard you were here and sent for you.” I sat there, and the deepening shadows came about silence unbroken save by a groan, whilst memory went back to our boyhood, his and mine, the old hills and the shining river, with the bridge hanging across it, and the road running up and around the cliffs, like a serpent, undulating through the trees and rocks, the schoolhouse and the old church, with the high pulpit and the hard, hard seats, where we sat on each recurring Sabbath, with eyes fixed on the preacher, until our cervical vertebre seemed to be parting. Oh, how we longed then to be men! What dream of adventure, travel, war, flitted before us as “seventeenthly,” “eighteenthly” and “in conclusion my dear friends,” fell from those venerable lips ’ Well, we had become rrfbn, and here was the end, a bed of agony and a soldier’s death! Deeper fell the shadows and memory still lingered amidst the scenes of the far-off past. How the cold, stern features of that austere Presbyterian, under whose teachings we were reared, became softened by the dim twilight of the years ago. Father, mother, teacher, minister, where are they? Ask the marble gleaming in the moonlight on those Kentucky hills. And how they taught us our duty both to God and man. Hard, severe, tyrannical, we thought it then. But now, softened by time, we see thv surpassing love which was in it all. The mind is at times disposed to vaga bondize and to dwell upon subjects utterly b* variance with all our sur roundings. How often in some holy place do we find unholy thoughts press ing upon us? Ilow often with the bier and grave do we find some ludicrous idea dancing, harlequin-like, by our side ? And so, sitting there in the gloom by the bedside of death, I actually laughed aloud as the image of “Old Put” came out upon the canvas memory of the past. “Ola Put” was an old horse belonging to my father, and named from patriotic motives after the New England hero, General Israel Putnam, whose famous .gailop down a precipice in his apocryphal escape has served to illustrate every Bchool history for fifty years, and has sent that illustrious warrior down to posterity, indissolubly connected with a horse. In color, “Old Put” was white; in disposition, amiability itself. Never in all the outrages and reiks committed upon him by whole Loops of children was he ever known to extiibit the slight est impatience, while to the old and in firm he was a palladium of safety. Dignified, affable and venerated, bath on accoun.c of ago and character, “Old Put” wr,s an institution. There was nothing frivolous about him, nothing erratic. In short, he was the embodi ment of Presbyterian ideas, in the shape of a horse. One thing only in his per sonal appearance did not sustain his general character as it was known to all. In early life, probably while owned by some irreligious horse fancier, rat’s tail had been nicked, and from earliest recol lection it presented the appearance of a ghastly weeping willow, being always carried at an angle of forty-five degrees, the white hair floating from it like the locks of some venerable patriarch. Now, like all boys worthy the name, Charley and myself were mighty hunters, and in the fall when wild pigeons passed over the woods of Kentucky in vast droves, we reveled in the sport of hunt ing. This season only lasted for a few weeks, and every Saturday, therefore, was eagerly expected and gloriously spent. Never can we forget the sacrifices of personal property, dear to our hearts, the trades and artifices and shifts of ail sorts to which we resorted in order to obtain ammunition for these autumnal hunts. One Friday afternoon, in the mid it of the pigeon season, when we could look from t.he school-house window and see drove after drove of birds darkening the sky. Charley came to me with the infor mation that he had secured, by a master stroke of enterprise, a large amount of powder, with shot in proportion, for the next day, and we proceeded to map out all the details of the hunt. The envy of every other boy in the school was excited by our boasts of what we proposed to do on the morrow, and in our anticipated success we went back to past exploits, many of them imaginary: » Thrice fought our battles o’er again, And thrice we slew the slain. The morrow came, but instead of the “sun of Austerlitz,” the heavens were shrouded in gloom, and the rain flooded the earth the long dreary day. Moodily, desperately, Charley and myself sat gazing through the dripping windows, asking each other over and over the savage questions: “What shall we do?” and “Why does it always rain on Satur day?” We were just in that condition of mind when Satan makes his appearance, and in a bland, respectable, gentlemanly way, as Goethe tells us, proposes some infernal scheme of ruin. On that event ful day his Satanic majesty, true to his antecedents, intruded himself and prompted Charley to suggest that we slip off and go hunting the next day, Sunday. At first the proposition was received with horror, then we discussed it with “bated breath,” and finally we illus trated the truth of that much hackneyed quotation, “vice is a monster of such frightful mien,” etc., by arranging all the preliminaries. Charley was to take charge of the ordnance department and have guns and ammunition at a certain secluded spot very early the next morning. and I was to be responsible for the transporta tion, and to meet him with an ancient family chaise and “Old Put.” That night I crept to bed with a feeling of guilt and pretermitted my usual prayers. A dozen times I determined to abandon the unholy enterprise, and even after I fell into a troubled sleep all sorts of spectral Visions floated around me. A negro boy, whom I had suborned for the purpose, waked me up at an early hour, and my courage having partially returned, I managed to secure the chaise with “Old Put,” and met Charley at the rendezvous. In safety, without being seen by a single person, we reached the open country, and then, flinging to the i winds all reflections as to consequences, we proceeded to elevate our feet above the dashboard of the old cha : se and to | smoke two very long but common cigars, the only luxury of that kind our limited exchequer could afford, Suddenly, at a sharp turn in the road, we encountered the ancestral family carriage of ’Squire Joe Roberts, containing tbe Roberts family, consisting of the father and three maiden daughters, on their way to the church at an utterly unprecedented hour in the morning. Old Pomp, a gray-haired Ethiopian, sat in sober majesty on the driver's seat, driving two family animals as faithful hira-elf. To the casual ob server the vehicle and its attachments were eminently suggestive of patriarchal dignity and domestic propriety, but to me it suggested nothing but agony and tears. The Roberts family were staunch Presbyterians and noted for their strict observance of the Sabbath, and I knew that every orthodox Presbyterian felt himself as much called upon before God to inquire into tbe cause of any child be ing at large on the Sabbath day and to apprehend and deliver that chdd up to its proper guardian as to assist a neigh bor whose cattle had broken out and were straying from the proper inclosure. My first impulse was to hide that vil lainous cigar, which I int litively felt gave me a lawless and ruffianly appear ance, and with the quickness of thought I thrust it down into the outside pocset of my coat. Charley and myself were side by side, and unfortunately my hand with the burning cigar went into his pocket and ui on the tightly wrapped paper of powder. At the same moment ’Squire Roberts discovered the extraordinary turnout, comprising “Old Put” and two children of the church, loose on Sunday morning. The Roberts vehicle step: ed, and as Pomp proceeded to dismount from his perch to open the carriage door there was an explosion, such as my nervous system has never experienced since. Charley and myself separated immediate ly. He went over the fence into a meadow and I passed clear over or through the Roberts carriage, I have never been certain which. Amidst the shrieks of the Misses Roberts and the yells of the ’Souire and old Pomp I sprang to my feet, burning and half dead, to be hold a scene of utter ruin. Roth vehi cles were wrecked. Pomp was in the midst of the debris and ’Sqtlire Roberts looked like the captain of an exploded steamboat, but the central figure was that of ‘*l ?ld Put. ” True to his military title, that venerai animal stood his ground, but terribly demoralized. He had been blown forward or his fore quarters. while his tail stuck s'raight up, bald and blackened like a charred stump after a forest fi:e It is hardly necessary to pursue the subject further. Carried back in dis grace on that bright Sabbath morning, we were swathed and bandaged with cruel kindness for days afterwards, i Special prayers were made for us at church and prayer meeting. All the Sunday-school scholars were brought to see us us a warning, whilst the doctor und minister alternated in physicing us bodily and spiritually. But the disastrous consequences did not end here. “Old Put” from that day was no longer the same horse. From having been the kindest and best and safest animal in Kentucky he became “Satan’s own,” and at Christmas, when the firecrackers bsgan their annual fusil -1 nde. he was perfectly restless. “Charley, ‘do you recollect ‘Old Put?”’ A faint ripple of laughter satisfied me there was hope for him yet. "When the surgeon came on his nightly round Charley was better, and in three days out of danger. Maimed and dis figured for “the land he loved,” he is married and living in Mississippi, and has no doubt told his children the storv of our Sunday pigeon hunt and “Old Put.”— Atlanta Constitution. WISE WORDS. Mirth becomes a feast. Many cooks ne’er made good kale. Huuger makes raw beans relish well. Fortune can take away riches, but not courage. /hie right to live involves the purpose to live right. He who knows most grieves most for wasted time. Laughter and song are the heart’s rivers of Hope. The amenities of life make the true beauty of living. Life is a continual routine in whatever guise it assumes. A smile through tears is the soul’s rainbow of peace. Kindness is the golden chain by which society is bound together. Good breeding is like affection; one cannot have too much of it. Men exist for the sake of one another. Teach them or bear with them. Small and steady gains give compe tency with tranquility of mind. Dishonesty, duplicity and falsity of character are business mistakes. Men are apt to be more concerned for their credit, tfian for their cause. The wise man knows he knows noth ing; the fool knows he knows all. A wise man will be more anxious to deserve a fair name than to possess it. Blessed confidence ' of childhood religion itself has no profounder lesson. Act well at the moment and you will have performed a good action to all eternity. The effect of noble thoughts, just principles, and, elevated conceptions, is never lost. When we have one fact found us, we are very apt to supply the next out of our own imagination. A New Aid to Surgery. Police Surgeon Oldshue has pur chased for the Department of Public Safety an apparatus which, it is ex pected, will be of immense benefit in certain cases of shoooing, stabbing, etc., that are brought to the attention of the police at the various police station houses. Many of the wounds which are received by people in fights are in the abdomen, and this apparatus is for the purposes of determining whether the in testines are injured, a very important point in the treatment of persons so situated. By au explanation afterward afforded the use of this apparatus will be a means of saving many a man’s life. The apparatus has lately been invented, and Police Surgeon Oldshue and Dr. Fol lock have been the first to test its virtues here. It consists of a rubber retort, to which is attached a long rubber tube, and is very simple a 9 it appears laid out in a doctor’s office. Supposing that a man is brought to one of the station houses, shot or stabbed in the abdomen, it is difficult to tell whether any of the intestines are punctured. The retort is filled with hydrogen gas, which the sur geon can easily prepare, and this gas is injected into the vital parts with con siderable pressure. A tube is placed in the wound, and if there is a wound in the intestines the gas is bound to come out by way of the wound and into the tube. By applying a lighted match to the end of the tube it can be seen whether the gas is escaping; for, if the gas is there it will ignite. On the other hand, if there is no wound in the intestines the gas will escape by way of the mouth, and by means of proper instruments there and the application of a light, it can be seen if the hydrogen gas is thus escaping. A reporter, in talking with Police Surgeon Oldshue, last night, about the new apparatus, inquired: “But is not hydrogen gas highly ex plosive? and is it not unsafe to intro duce it into the body in such a form?” Dr. Oldshue replied: “That is the opinion; but Dr. Stines, the inventor of the apparatus, has followed the plan with great sueqe-s, as has Dr. Mordecai Price, of Philadelphia. They have shown that this is not only innocuous, but an absolute diagnosis of intestinal wounds.” “Well, but of what benefit is such a knowledge?” “If the intestine is wounded the opera tion of laparotomy can be performed by the opening of the abdomen, and the wound of the intestine taken up and the catgut ligatures applied to bring the edges together, and with general anti septic treatment the patient has a much greater chance of recovery. It will afford every opportunity to save the lives of persons stabbed or shot, or otherwise wounded in the abdomen.” Dr. Pollock asked that he be called for the first case, where the doctor would make the experiment. Not long ago a Pole was shot in Soho, and Police Sur geon Cldshue was called to. attend him. The wound was in the abdomen. Drs. Oldshue and Pollock went to at: end him, and Dr. Oldshue decided to try the new apparatus. By the action of the hydrogen gas it was found that there was no ab dominal wound. It was further decided then that the patient be not operated ou, but kept quiet, though the bullet was lu his boay. A few days sutiicad ior the re covery of the Pole showing that, for the first case at least, the apparatus made* correct diagnosis.—P* ttibarq Dispatch. A SONG OF DREAMS, A dream of a merry child at play, Biue eyed and fair, froli -some, gay, Glad as the birds in the springtime ar y, Sorrows afloat like clouds atar, Careless of trouble, untouched by fear, Singing her way through the golden year.. A dream of a woman, old and gray, rinkied and bent, wending her way Lomesomely toward the last milestone, Where the grim, dark shadow of death itf thrown, Storm stained and weary, and worn with care— The candle of life at its final flare. A dream of a grave in a churchyard lone, Neglected, drear, with weeds o’ergrown, With only the chirp of the cricket’s song, As it sings in the grass the whole night long. To break the silence that brood so deep Where the worn out soul and body sleep. —Susie M. Best, in Home Journal. HUMOR OF THE DAY. In a nutshell—Sweet meats. Born to rule—A book-keeper. Notes of the day—Sight drafts. Worth its weight in gold—Gold. He “whoops ’em up”—The cooper. Awaiting its turn—A buckwheat cake. The bent of many a man’s inclination is crooked. Lame men have running expenses tha same as other folks. Keep your conscience but not your farm void of a fence. Strange to say, elastic has its greatest snap when it’s “broke.” The bottom of a gun-barrel is always a good base for a charge. The chief disease of a miser is attack* of tightness of the chest. Paste diamonds are so called because people get stuck on them so often. When a physician loses his skill it naturally follows thot he is out of prac tice. An imposing sight—A street fakir, selling brass watch”cases as solid gold watches. Shakespeare advised his readers .to throw physic to the dogs. He is silent about cats. A little up-town boy 13 so fond of whipped cream that he licks the dish.— Drake's Magazine. Big Head is the name of a prominent Sioux Chief. His Sioux-de-nym as it were. — Philadelphia Press. Some men are born witty. Others have a good memory and some witty friends.— Somerville Journal. Determining the weight of an eel is all guess work. You can’t weigh a fish without scales. Ottawa Bee. Signor Casus Belli, the celebrated Italian, is still trying to foment trouble in Europe.— Detroit Free Press. The sweet girl graduate about this time is getting sour over the kitchen range, learning how to cook.— Somerville Journal. “Poor childless wish!” exclaimed; Fogg, when Fenderson spoke of his wish being father to his thought.— Boston, Transcript. Blobson—“Don’t you think that Dempsey rather plays the fooli” Popin jay— “No, sir; I think he works at the! job.”— Burlington Free Press. “I am so glad your sister enjoyed her visit to us, Mr. Smith.” “Oh, well, yoa know, she is the sort of girl who can en joy herself anywhere, you know.”— Life. “I love you, dear!” the young man said, “Oh, will you be my wife?” The maiden drooped her modest head And whispered, “Bet your life!” —Somerville Journal. Probably there is nothing in the 1 world that a man resents so quickly and' so deeply as to find you awfully busy when he is perfectly at leisure.— Shoe and!' leather Reporter. Do not let your overweening modesty; prevent you from recording your own. good deeds. A real estate man lost a] fortune once through an unrecorded deed.— Harper's Bazar. Hopeful Youth —“ls Miss De Cash in?” Servant —“Yds, sor.” ’ Hopeful! youth—“l/ she engaged?” Servant—* “Yis, sor; but he isn't here this avenin*. Come in.” — The Cartoon. “Do you understand much about arbor culture?” asked Labatt of a friend. “Yes,j I think I do.” “Well, I want to askj you a question: Are all forest trees seeders?”— Texas Sijtings. Says a novelist of to-day, describing an I interview between lovers: “Between them there passed an ecstatic kiss.” And neither of them got it! Aw, what muffs they must have been. — Burdette. You can’t weigh grams with a grammar, Nor sugar cure hams with a hammer, Do sums wilh a summer, Stew plums with a plumber, Nor shear an old ram with a rammer. —Sgrinnfield Union. Dentist— ‘ ‘Well, how do the new teeth w r ork?” Patient—“ Not very well. They seem to cut the others.” Dentist— “That is perfectly natural. They belong to an entirely different set, you know.” — Safi Francisco Examine l. At sea on his yacht, with a fair lady by him; He asked for a kiss, but she chose to deny him, “Not here,” cried the lady, in tones full of mirth, “Though I have not the slightest objection on earth.” Visitor at Cannon Foundry—“ This is all grand, stupendous, astounding. But where will your occupation m when universal peace prevails?” Proprietor of Works—“ Casting cannon to celebrate it with, Sir.”— Chicago Tribune. “ If you think my legs eccentric,” Haul the grasshopper to the bee, “ And my forehead queerly pointed Where the brain-box ought lu be; That iny mouth has feeble motions Whence dark mysteries do exude, Please to know I onA existed As a Pythagorean dude.” — Judge. “Father, the paper says you ‘officiated at the wedding clad in the traditional garb of the clergy.’ What does tradi tional mean?” “Traditional, my son, ’ replied the poor minister, as he looked at his cheap suit of black with a sigh, “refers to things that have been ‘handed down.* 1 ’ — Chi ago Tribune. Three women were in hysterics at on# time in the waiting room of a New York dry goods store the other day. Some slight cause unbalanced one, and the other two went off because they leoked at the first one.