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TRENTO" GEORGIA.
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Chief Electrician Preece, of the Brit
ish Telegraph Department, thinks New
York’s act of capital punishment by
electricity will be a failure.
ODe of the boasts of Pittsburg, Penn.,
Is that there are seventy two millionaires
in that city, anyone of whom can sign a
check good for $25,000,000.
, A swimming dress, to enable a swim
mer to blow up mines and hostile boats,
has been tried in the German navy. It
is a sort of modified Paul Boyton affair.
The entire outlay of Switzerland next
year for its executive and legislative de
partments will be no more than SOI,OOO,
a modest sum even for a country of Jess
than 3,000,000 inhabitants.
A syndicate i 3 being formed in Lon
don at present for the purpose of ex
perimenting in beet growing in Ireland,
with a view to the eventual establish
ment there of an extensive sugar indus -
try. Experts in the manufacture of beet
sugar are very sanguine of the success of
the scheme.
Out in Oregon, Lake Melburn, which
has heretofore covered seventy-five
square miles and been wholly without
an outlet, has broken itself a passage
and is now roaring through it to such
an extent that miles and miles that
were once its bottom, are now high and
dry.
The discovery has been made that
much of the tea brought to this country
is colored with poisonous chemicals.
The Custom House officers in New York
have been directed to test all suspicious
cases, but it is feared that some of the
tea has already been distributed over the
country.
“Is the mercantile sailing fleet being
driven from the ocean by steam com
petition?” inquires the New York Tri
bune. The reports of the Hydrographic
Bureau at Washington declare that the
sailing tonnage of the world is nearly
double that of steam, and that this rela
tive proportion is likely to be maintained.
The Cincinnati Enquirer says: “Mr.
Bancroft’s report shows that there
are 148,713 miles of railroad mail service
in this country, and 5973 miles of steam
boat mail service. Altogether it amount!
to a distance which is six times the cir
cumference of the globe that we live on.
The United States of America is a pretty
big country.”
Over $8,000,000 is annually appropri
ated in France for the promotion oi
agriculture, of which $2,500,000 is de
voted to educational work. Russia ap
propriates over $14,000,000 to promote
her agricultural interests, and Brazil
over $20,000,000. These are official
figures quoted by United States Com
missioner Column.
The American Banker notes the dis
covery lately of a deceptive SSO counter
feit. The paper of the counterfeit is
said to be fully as good as that of th«
gilt-edged S2O bills, but the counterfeit
can be easily discovered by reason of the
fact that it is one-eighth of an inch
shorter and narrower than the gold bills.
The engraving is also coarse.
“The most interesting feature ox the
description of the sea serpent lately seen
in Winyah Bay, S. C., is,” observes the
New York Sun, “that he was red-head
ed. Nothing could be a more impres
sive, decorative marine picture than a
red-headed sea serpent, We hope that
it may yet be possible to get one of the
red-headed variety for the Central
Park.”
The room where the Court of Appeals
sits in the Capitol at Albany, N. C Y'., is
described as the most gorgeous in its
appointments of all the court-rooms in
the country. 'JR The woodwork is beauti
fully carved and panels are of mahogany
and onyx. The carpet was woven to
order a ross the water. Portraits of all
the judges that have ever sat iu the
court are placed in panels about the
room.
Miss Eva Pemberthy. the daughter of
wealthy parents at Massillon, Ohio.,
went to Pittsburg recently and secured
a position as nurse in a hospital. She
had been in the institution but a few
days when’ she witnessed a frightful
surgical operation which rfiade such an.
impression that her mind became unbal
anced. She was taken to her home a
raving maniac and has been placed in
the asylum at Toledo.
“The first statue erected to General
Grant in the United States was, with its
foundation and pedestal, placed in the
center of Twelfth street, between Locust
and Olive streets, the other day, in this
city,” says the St. Louis Herald. “In
due time St. Louis will have a gala day,
when the time comes to unveil this beau
tiful work of art to the admiring thou
sands of our old hero citizen, beloved
and renowned patriot and General.”
Tlia young Emperor of China is to be
married on the twenty-fouth day of the
First Moon in 1889, and the event will
cost the National Treesury $2,500,000.
The American Cultivator declares that
corn is king. Corn is America’s greatest
crop. It is grown in every State and
1 Territory in the Union. The prospec
tive harvest of the current year is 2,-
000,000,000 bushels. Ninety-six pet
cent, of our corn is consumed at home.
Only four per cent is exported as corn.
It is an abundant factor in beef, pork
and dairy products for export. There
are in this country twice as many acres
in corn as in wheaG, and four times as
many as in cotton. An abundant corn
crop means widespread prosperity to all
classes.
Some more young robbers in theii
twelves have been discovered and cap
tured in a cave in New Jersey. It is
singular, muses the New York Sun,
what a desire to be a robber bold and
live in a dreary cave in a dreary wood
sometimes possesses the imagination of
very young boys. In fact many old boys
can remember when they had a secret
longing to dwell in a cave. Yet caves
are, we believe, usually damp and un
healthy places of residence. Marble
halls or beau eous bowers, or any sort of
habitable houses, are much preferable to
caves, yet juvenile imagination
upon the cave. As age claws the young
dreamer in its clutch, he comes to prefer
a habitation with a cellar —if the cellar
is well stocked—to the best cave in the
world.
The British Legation at l’uenos Ayres
reports that there is a great financial
and commercial boom m the Argentine
Republic. Exports and imports are in
creasing rapidly, the public debt—
amounting to about $90,000,000 —is be
ing rapidly reduced, and the credit of
the country abroad was never better.
The public, however, are filled with the
wildest speculative ideas, their opera
tions varying from reckless plunging on
the races to transactions involving tracts
of land as big as empires. An inflated
paper currency aids this spirit, and the
British' Legation predicts a disastrous
panic, but says that the “national re
sources of the Argentine Republic are so
great, and the support it receives from
foreign immigration of so much value,
that it is possible that speculation may
return to legitimate channels without
the shock of financial disaster.”
A hideous narrative was given me in
regard to the conduct of those in charge
of the Stanley relief party in the African
Congo (says the European correspondent
of the New York Timed) by a man who
is in close communication with the Brus
sels authorities. One of its features was
the hiring of a body of cannibals to at
tack, massacre, and feast upon another
body of Africans, the purpose that
Jamieson, who is the savant of the ex
pedition, might secure photographs of
this unique and interesting scene. There
is no vouching for this story, some
thine of the same sort wa3 proved lasi
year in Burmah, and my informant be
lieved it entirely. At least it helps us
to understand why the English expedi
tions for the purpose of promoting civil
ization in savage lands are not invariably
appreciated by the natives.
The movement T>f the Mormons to
ward Mexico is assuming definite shape
and large proportions. Recently dis
patches have been published to the ef
fect that the Mexican Government had
granted a concession of 10,000.000 acres
land to the Mormons, and that they
had purchased 10,000 square miles of the
Zuni Indian land in Mexico. There is
no foundation for such statements.
Every foot of land obtained by the Mor
mons in Mexico so far has been by pur
chase from private owners, and the Gov
ernment would no doubt utterly refuse
to make them a concession of land.
The facts are that the Mormons have
quietly bought from private parties large
tracts of agricultural lands in Northern
Chihuahua, principally in the valley of
the Casas Grand River, and are negotiat
ing for more. Several flourishing vil
lages exist in that neighborhood already,
the principal one being called Porfiric
Diaz. The colonies are the precursors
of greater bodies in the future.
In a town in New Y'ork forty years
ago, according to the Atlanta Cinstitu
tion, there were eight families prominent
for wealth and social standing. The
men ruled the place, and, as they all had
sons, the prospect was that the family
names and estates would be kept up. <if
the eight families six have disappeared,
their wealth vanished. Their sons are
dead or living in poverty in other places.
Some of their daughter, married and
moved away. The family mansions aro
owned by strangers. This is a fam'iiar
chapter of American life. In thiscoun
try vast estates and fortunes are not
handed down from generation to gene a
tion. It does not take long to scatter
them. It is a r ase of shirtsleeves with
the grandfather and shirtsleeves again
with the grandson. YYhy should the
poor drift into socialism under the ex
isting state of affairs? If the distribu
tion of wealth is what they want they
already have it. The distribution of
fortunes is going on all the time, by in
heritance, extravagance, dissipation or
bad luck.
A DREAM OF HOME.
Ah! this is the home I remember I
All others that I have known
Have been as tents by the wayside—
They never were all my own,
Here I first worshipped the sunshine
Here my first violets grew,
And from fairyland’s open borders
Winged thoughts anl fancies flew:
And here when the magic of night
Has its spell upon me thrown,
With a dreamer's strange delight
I have come unto my own.
Hark! was it a leaf that fluttered
Or a whispering voice that uttered
A dream within a dream?
Beloved! I joy to meet thea
Where we parted so long ago;
Can the angels above, devotion
More sweet than our child-love know ?
Let us hasten, for while we linger,
They call rne—the river and woods—
The tall pines tremble with welcome
As we enter their solitudes.
Mossy and green an 1 still
Is the path tothe wild wood dell
At my touch the violets thrill,
They, too, remember well.
But why- do the branches bend ;
And whisper as friend to trieni,
A dream within a dream ?
Still on where the brook breaks lightly
Into broader and swifter flow;
I only, of all who have listened,
That song and its meaning know.
To my childhood’s ear it warbled
O! swoeter than fairy lyre,
“We are coming, coming, coming,
The day of our heart's desire,
Dear brook, I believe you still,
1 wait an l have waited long,
Some bright hour must fulfil
The promise of Nature’s song.
It is not the river nor sky
That breathes the foreboding sigh
A dream within a dream.
Now softly, past shadowing maples,
The path to my home we trace;
From liearthside or window surely
W ill smile a remembered face.
Yonder the willows were planted
And there the lone cedar tree,
And here was the terrace of roses—
Ali Araby’s gardens to me.
I have wandered long and far,
Home coming is late, so late!
But heaven’s door seems ajar
As I open the garden gate.
That haunting voice! ali! clearer
It murmurs—it hovers nearer—
A dream within a dream.
Keep close to my side, beloved!
Behold! where the home-lights shine,
Strange shadows flit,.and I tremlle
Lest your hand be loosed from mine.
So long have onr ways been parted,
The silence so deep and drear,
That I fee!, in this wondrous meeting,
It is but your phantom near.
For I heard in some vanished gloom,
That you slept as my childhood sleeps,
A part of the hillside bloom,
Where the river so gently creeps.
O speak! child-friend, child-lovet,
Is it thou saying over and over
A dream within a dream
Yes; now I know I was dreaming;
With the dead I have wandered far;
Farewell, dear van shing presence,
Called home by the morning star. ,
I must bind on my pilgrim sandals, ‘
And onward in shade and sun,
Still seek for the land of morning
Where the promise of life is won.
The vision shadows the truth,
The beautiful days will come,
The rapture and glory of youth
Be mine L that last, true home.
There never with joy beats high
Will lips that are dearest reply
A dream within a dream.
—Frances L. Mace.
A SUCCESSFUL BURGLAR.
IIE TELLS IT
Mother and the girls were quite in
ecstasies over the new house. The
masculine members of the family were
inclined to be dubious as to its advan
tages. - The chief objection which we
had to it was that it was one of a row
of eight, all exactly alike, and it was ex
tremely difficult to be sure of the right
door.
A week’s practice, however, made
that all right; ours xvas the fourth house
from the south end of the row; as I
walked from the office along the street
immediately south of us, I soon became
accustomed to taking the exact number
of steps, after turning the corner, which
would bring me to the door.
Besides, the hour at which I came
home (I am a proofreader on a morning
paper and my duties usually keep me at
the office until near 3 a. m.) made it
necessary for me to carry a latchkey.
While I knew that of course our neigh
bors bad exactly the same conveniences
which we enjoyed, and looked for light
to windows in the same portion of ex
actly similar rooms, and experienced the
annoyance of smoky chimneys when the
wind was in the particular quarter
which affected ours. 1 did not dream
that the houses were so precisely the
same that the key of one would uulock
another.
We had lived here about a week when
the street-car line nearby began running
owl cars. This was a boon loi me, as it
saved me a walk of some length. The
car lines ran within half a square of the
hoits y being on the next street north of
us.
The first night that I rode home I was
so sleepy when I got out of the car that
I scarcely knew what I was doing.
Hitherto the exercise of walking had
kept me wide awake unt 1 I got into my
own room. I managed to unlock the
front door, however, and get upstairs;
habit making my movements noiseless,
as I knew that mv mother was easily
awakened and did not readily g j to
sleep again.
The room which I occupied was over
the dining room, the door being nearly
opposite the head of the stair*. Borne
what to my surprise, the gas was not
burning on# the landing: the girls had
probably forgotten to light it before go
ing to bed. I groped my way carefully
along, and at last reached the door of
my room. I entered; it was, like the
hall, pitch dark. I tried to find the
table on which there should be a lamp,
and my hand came in contact with some
thing else. I drew a match from my
pocket and struck it. As I held it
it screened in my hand I saw that the
room was a strange one. Suddenly all
was dark ; it was not that the match had
gone out, but the brain was shadowed-
I knew nothing more.
SIIE TELLS IT.
I was always rated courageous. I
seemed to lack that instinctive fear which
causes some to shrink from darkness and
loneliness. My brothers and sisters of
ten declared that I would never be fright
ened: not even, added May, with a
shudder, if a burglar were to present him
self before me and demand my valuables.
These would not tempt any well-regu
lated burglar, being small and of little
inirinsie value; but I should not like to
lose them? and I had always determined
to defend my property stoutly if threat
ened, providing, of course, that I had
sufficient warning of the robber’s inten
tions to enable me act.
1 awoke one morning at that proverbial
darkest hour just before the dawn. I
had no idea what tir: ; t. was, as the
whole house was wrapped in silence and
darkness; it is from after events that I
am able to say that it was nearly morn
ing. I had started suddenly from sleep,
but at first I could not tell what had
aroused me. As I lay listening for some
sound to follow- that which had recalled
me from the land of dreams, my thoughts
turned instinctively to our next door
neighbors, who had been domiciled in
the row for about a Week.
Nobody knew them, although several
of the older residents had spoken of call
ing upon .them—perhaps; for we liked
the looks of the ladies and they seemed
inclined to be friendly. The men, how
ever, seemed to be home all day and
away all night. They were not work
ingmen—one could see that by their
bauds, their clothing, their bearing; and
we were afraid they were not just what
they should be. We recalled certain
gtewsome stories of counterfeiters, bur
glars and othefl criminals who settle in
respectable neighborhoods, and only ex
cited suspicion by the unreasonable hours
which they kept.
Was that a step on the stairs? I lis
tened more intently, my wandering
thoughts recalled from all other sub ects.
Surely it was, and that was another.
There was a burglar in the house. I
sprang out of bed and enveloped myself
in a circular w hich chanced to be hang
ing on a chair, as I had worn it out into
the rain the preceding evening.
In spite of my boasted courage, my
heart beat very loudly as the step w-as
heard once more, and this time upon the
landing just outside my own door. I
grasped the poker firmly, however, try
ing to restore my wonted courage by the
pressure of that formidable weapon in
my hand. It was a plain, heavy bar of
iron, at which the others often laughed,
declaring that it must make me tired to
rake the fire.
The knob of the door turned slowly
and cautiously, and the burglar entered
the room. YY hat w-ould he do next? He
closed the door as gently as he had opened
it, and for a moment seemed undecided.
Did he have a dark lantern and a pistol?
I could not imagine a burglar without
such ad juncts, both of which were equal
ly unfamiliar object? t q me; and I
shivered as 1 thought of the advantage
which he would have over me and my
poker. *
Evidently the dark lantern was not in
working order, however, for he simply
struck a match. The little flame showed
me. that our new- neighbors were not un
founded upon reason—this was one of
them. They were certainly a gang of
burglars.
He made a step toward the dresser.
To reach it he must pass me. He was
within reach of my arm. I raised my
w T eapon, and uttering the loudest scream
of which my lungs were capable, I
struck him on the side of the head. He
fell like a log to the floor. Horror! I
had killed him!
My renewed screams alarmed the
house, and the others were speedily at
my side. I had already lighted the gas.
and w-as on my knees beside the man I
baa struck, vainly endeavoring to recall
life. My assortment of restoratives, I
was afterward assured, w-as sufficient to
have revived a dozen swooning men.
“What in the w-orld ” began my
brother as he appeared upon the scene.
He was the first to come to the room.
“Oh,my burglar’s cornel” I exclaimed,
half hysterically, “but I’ve killed him.’’
“Wholly unnecessary severity,” re
marked Tom; “you always overdo the
thing. But that man isn’t dead.”
As if to confirm his words, the burglar
just then opened his eyes and looked in
quiringly around him.
“He looks dazed,” I xvhispered to
Tom. .
“lie has occasion to look dazed if
you hit him with your beloved poker,”
rejoined Tom. pushing me aside and ap
plying restoratives in his turn; “put it
where it belongs and go get me some
ffirandy or whisky or something of the
kind. We’ll have to get this fellow on
his feet before we call the police.”
“I —I —was mistaken, sir,” said the
burglar in a feeble voice, but with a
very decided manner. “I was mistaken
in the house. It appears that the same
latch key unlocks both doors, and I got
the wrong one.”
“Yes.l think you did,” rejoined Tom,
emphatically, and eyeing him with sus
picion.
The burglar managed to scramble to
bis feet,although l could see that he was
still dizzy from the encounter with my
poker. I retired into the closet and
held the door shut—that is, very nearly.
“I think that you will do me the
favor to change your mind about send
ing for the police.” he said, “when I
explain. lam employed upon a morn
ing paper, and am not .through with my
work until nearly this hoar in the morn
ing. I usually walk home, but I took
advantage of the new owl cars to-night,
and went to sleep on my way home,
hardly waking up wheu I got out and
walked the half olock here. I live at
415, and I hope you will accept my ex
planation and apologies and allow me to
go home to bed. lam very serry I have
disturbed the lady, and probably fright
ened her.” •.
“It seemed to me,” said Tom, putting
out his hand, “that the lady is perfectly
well able to take care of herself, and that
you ought to know it.”
The stranger laughed good naturedly
“.'lie tried to beat it into my head, at
any rate. But will you convey mjf
apologies to her.”
The two went down stairs then and I
heard no more. But the blow ou our
neighbor’s head effectually broke the ice
between the two families and we became
firm friends.
I was married about two years after
the episode of the burglar. My husband
declares that he is not afraid of the
house being entered while he is away,
for ray fame must have gone abroad;
while if, under the supposition that my
vigilance relaxed when he chanced to be
at home, they should come while he is
there, he would be sure of being ably
defended.
P. B.—l married a proof-reader on a
morning paper.— New York Sun.
WISE WORDS.
• «
The rose grows among the thorn's.
Where content is, there is a feast.
Steal the goose and give the giblets iD
alms.
When the head is sick the whole body
is sick.
The envious man’s face grows sharp
and his eves big.
Necessity is the argument of tyrants,
it is the creed of slaves.
By the very constitution of our nature,
moral evil is its own curse.
lie who throws himself under the
bench will be left to lie there.
He w-ho wishes to secure the good ol
others has already secured his owu.
The place honors not the man; ’tis the
man who gives honor to the place.
The doctor who prescribes gratui
tously gives a worthless precription.
The thief w-ho finds no opportunity to
steal considers himself an honest man.
Thy friend has a friend, and thy
friend’s friend has a friend; be discreet.
Man mote in his neighbor's
eye, but knows not the beam iu hisow-n.
If a w-orcl spoken in its time is worth
one piece of money, silence in its time
is worth two.
When thou art the only purchaser,
then buy; when other buyers are present
be thou nobody.
For people to live happy together the
great secret is that they should uot live
too mr.ch together.
As the old man grows more and more
blundering, if he will grow more careful,
it will go far to counterbalance that in
firmity.
Repent the day before thy death.
(Consider every day as possibly youi
last, and be ever prepared through
penitence).
It is worth while to expose our ignor
ance to others, that we may learn it our
selves. This is many times the only way
w-e shall ever learn it.
A good name .when deserved gives a
strength and mild courage, quiet bold
ness and modest assurance, which are
worth all that they cost.
It is not very strange that a man
should mistake in point of duty; short
sighted, crook-sighted, blurred and de
fective, w-hat else could be expected?
It is no great matter to live lovingly
with good natured, humble and meek
persons; but he who can do so with the
froward, wilful, ignorant, peevish and
perverse hath true charity.
Alpine Glaciers.
Glaciers filled every valley and ravine,
and the ice stood up in tall ramparts
wherever the space was too naerow to
hold its rigid waves. Glacier ice is
snow that has for a considerable time
been subjected to enormous pressure. If
you squeeze a snowball in your hand un
til it is very hard it becomes icy. So in
the Alps, the continual fall of snow is
the pressure and the sun’s heat the
warmth which produces those seas of
ice that are called glaciers. There are
overtiOGof them in Switzerland, and
some are coeval with the glacial period
of this continent, while others are now
in process of formation. Winter is their
season of rest, but with the Spring they
resume their onward motion, due to the
combined action of beat and gravitation.
For in spite or their apparent immobility
all Alpine glaciers do move constantly,
although with difierent degrees of speed,
and, like liquid streams, they carry with
them debris of all sorts, but principally
the stones that fall upon their surface
from the mountains’ sides. The glacier
starting in its purity from some white,
unsullied peak, loses before many years
its spotless character. The wintry frosts
gathering into iron bonds the streams
that trickle down the mountain sides
expand the water in freezing and shatter
rocks with a force that the most solid
cliffs cannot possibly resist. Thus
broken fiagments drop on to the once
unspotted bosom of the ice sea and sxvell
its burden with advancing years. The
debris thus brought down form what aro
called moraines. Each glacier has a
moraine on either side of it; its end is a
terminal moraine,and when two glaciers
unite, their lateral moraines join and
foim a medial moraine. One of the
largest medial moraines hereabouts I saW
as we came down from this excursion.
It is in the centre of the Morteratsch
Glacier and is about 50 feet or more
broad and perhaps 20 feet high in its
centre. —New York Times.
George Advertisement.
The origiu of advertising is lost in
antiquity,but it has been discovered thal
iq George Washington’s day the art was
practised even by that great and good
statesman. In the first issue of thd
Maryland Journal, August 2, 17~3, Wash
ington inserted an advertisement at that
historic farm now known to all thd
world as Mount Vernon. This is the
“ad:”
Mount Vernon, in Virginia, July 15,
1773. —The subscriber having obtained
patents for upwards of 20, 00 ) acres of land
on the Ohio and Great Kanawha (10,1)30 of
which are situated on the banks of the first
mentioned river, between the mouths of the
two Kanawhas, and the remainder on the
I Great Kanawha, or New River, from the
mouth, or near it. upwards, in one continued
survey) proposes to divide the same into any
sized “ tenements that may be desired,
and lease them upon moderate terms, allow
ing a reasonable number of years rent free,
provided, within the space of three years
from October, three acres of every fifty
contained in each lot, and proportionably for
a lesser quantity, shall be cleared, fenced and
titled; at:d that, by and before (he time lim
ited for the commencement of the first rent,
five acres bf every hundre i, and proportion
ally, as above, shall lie enclosed and laid
down in good grass for meadow; and, more
over, that at least fifty good fruit trees fot
every like quantity of land shall be planted
on the premises. Any person inclinable to
settle on tlaese lands may be more fully in
formed of these terms by apply to the sub
s Tiber, near Alexandria, or, in his absence,
to Mr. Lund Washington: and would do well
in communicating their intentions before the
first of October next, in order that sufficient
number of lots may be laid off to answer tb*
demand.
CHANGE.
When first we parted, *
The barren fields lay bare beneath the sun
And crimson leaves dropped downward, one
by one;
The heart of nature blod, that now was
done
Her labor sweet.
Her pulses beat
Slowly as the tear drops fall from aged eves. '
For all the poor dead blossom at her feet
No more would rise;
Yet gray clouds held lor us a rosy dye:
Love smiled through pain on Love in that
good-bye.
t
_ n.
When next we met,
The summer fields were green with hope’s
warm tints,
The waves were shining with the golden
dints, «
That sunbeams make, when on foam-erests
each glints
Iu showered gold;
’ And wide unrolled
The carpet, flower-decked, by Nature spread,
And silver arrows held with azure thread
I Glanced o’er the sea;
But all was gray and cold, fair Love was
dead,
And spring a frozen waste to you and me. ,
—Ruth Ramay, in Timis-Democral.
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
A loud color—Y’eller.
Beats awl—Shoe machinery.
A paper that shows grit—Sand-paper. <
A morning rapper—The man wlio'3
been down to the club.
A delicate parcel—A young lady
wrapped up iu herself.
The only dairy which does not use
water to excess is the dromedary.
It is not altogether strange that a bee
trothal should lead to a honeymoon.
Nothing tires a smart man so quickly
is seeing a la y man resting himself.
A sleeping policeman is one of the
silent watches of the night. Roche.;,ter
Tidings.
An intelligent little girl, whose father
asked her to write him a love-letter, im
mediately wrote L. '
Keep an eye on the children. Kid
nappers sametimesgo abroad to take the
heir. —Detroit Free Frets.
Financial straits won’t send a man to
Canada nearly as quick as financial
crookeds.— Rochester Tidings.
There is said to be a scarcity of SIOO
bills, but we must confess that we had
not noticed it. —Loweli Citizen.
AYhen we go to war with Canada it
will be appropriate to bombard Montreal
with tishualls. —New York Sun. ,
’Tis the hatchet in the hand of the un
methodical youngster that causes the
“hew and cry.” —Binghamplon L adder.
The bill collector probably doesn’t like
his business any better than the man who
has to pay him, but it has to be dun.—
Bazar.
Vision of charms passes on the arm of
a theatrical manager. “Who is 'she:”
“Oh. an ex-actress.” “What does she
exact?”— Truth.
A fat man is more likely to fume and
fret with impatience than a lean one.
He thiDks it is likely to reduce his wait.
—Binghamton Republican.
No, said the actor as he trod wearily
over the railroad ties. “I am not look
ing for Jay Gould, but I’ve been on his
tra k all day.”— New Yotk Sun.
There are some things in this world
that we never forget—and the tax col
lector helps equalize things by never
forgetting us. —New York News.
General Blood we’re sad to note,
Eats with his knife, according to fame.
But since he swallows his food with his throat
, We suppose it gets there just the same.
—New York Sun.
Smith—“l heard two splendid jokes
yesterday.” “Let’s hear them.” “One
of them won’t do to repeat, and I’ve for
got what the other was.”— Fiiegcnde
Bluett er.
Old maids find themselves treated by
the world very much like ordinary sec
ond-hand books. They are not old
enough to be rase, and not new enough
tc he deal.
The facetious fathei of a pair of twin
babies complained that although they
filled the house with music he could uot
tel one heir from another —Binghamton
Republican.
Young Doctor—“ They don’t bleed
people as they used to do twenty or
th ; rty years ago, do they professor?”
Professor —“No, not with the lancet.” —
New York Tribune.
“Trusts” writes a sagacious corre
spondent, “are good things in their way.”
No doubt they are, but the trouble is
that they are often iu other people's way.
— New York Dispatch.
A Scotch beadle took his sweetheart
to a graveyard, and showing her a dark
corner, said: “Mary, my folks lie there.
Would you like to lie there when you
die?” It was a grim way of proposing,
but Mary was a sensible Scotch lassie,
and acce ted him.
Very Stout Old Lady (watching the
lions fed) —“’Pears to me, Mister, that
ain’t a very big piece o’ meat fer sech an
animal.” Attendant (with the greatest
and.most stupendous show of politeness
on earth) —“I s’pose it does seem like a
a small piece of meat to you, ma’am, but
it’s big enough for the lion.” — Li/e.
Some say that married life may be
Whate’er we choose to make it;
While seme, preferring to be free,
Don’t inesitate te shake it.
If it to come a failure be.
Of course they must abide it
It has no failure been to me,
For—l have never tried it,
—New York World.
Father (reading)—And,as Shakespeare
so beautifully expresses it, ‘use strength
ens habit.’ ” Daughter—“l don’t think
that altogether right, papa.” Father—
“ Why not, my dear: how is it wrong.
Daughter—“vVhy, gobdness knows, inv
riding habit has had *u>e' enough, and
instead of being strengthened by it, it
nearly worn out.” — Fun.
There is no doubt that the sorrowful
season is on us when we cannot get
sporting extras telling how “Mickey got
his base on balls,, went to second on
Skinner’s fumble of Billy’s hot oue and
took third on Stubbin’s wild throw-in
of Munich's fly to left, only to die at the
plate on a splendid double play on
Johnny’s grounder to Mehatfy t 0
Snagsby.”— New York Newt.