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tlaiic <£onul|i ?^cus GEORGIA. The roller skating craze is now at its height in Washington Territory, Oregon Manitoba, It is the opinion of a scientist that the chances of a person in the nineteenth century reaching one hundred years oi age are one in 18,800. Uniform time for the whole of France —that of Paris—has keen decided upon by the French Government, to commence with the opening of the Universal Ex position, in 1889. Many of the Nebraska Indians who have been admitted to citizenship have be ome subscribers to the daily press, and are fast gaining information on tho living issues of the day. That the Indian is capable of civiliza tion is abundantly proved by a full blooded California Indian, who called at the office of the Elko Independent and ordered a supply of visiting cards. A “Christian Temperauee Common wealth” has obtained a location for a colony in British Columbia. Its pro moters contract, in return for the labor of heads of families, to support the families. - A.,.—1N1 .11 The Chinese in California are endeav oring to head off the movement to sup plant them with boys in picking and canning fruit, by leasing numerous large fruit farms at i resno. They are also building a packing house at Sclna. An undertaker at Ciesco, lowa, states in an advertisement that be has a large number of debtors who, though now living with their second wives, have not paid the funeral expenses of their first ones, and if they do not do so in sixty days he will publish their names. Seventy per cent, of the criminals ol Illinois are unable to write, asserts the Detroit Free Press, but ignorance is not always linked with crime. There would be no forgers if criminals did not know how to write. One-half the crimes com mitted in Massachusetts are by well educated men and women. An exchange say : “Every newspaper in Wisconsin and Minnesota over one year old, receives SIOO for publishing the general laws passed at each Legisla ture of their respective States. If every State in the Union would adopt this plan, the people would have no excuse for ignorance regarding the laws.” The prevalence of suicides in all coun tries of civilization seems, says Dr. Felix S. Oswald, to increase in the exact pro- i portion to the fierceness of the struggle for existence. The crowded kingdom of Saxony heads the list, while self-mur der is almost totally unknown in the sparsely settled and withal tolerably fer tile highlands of Turkey and Norway. I A philanthropic Mme. Batifol estab lished some time ago an annual prize of S2OOO to the most deserving and indus trious young woman in Paris. The prize has been awarded this year by the appointed jury to Mile. Terminaux, who has for years kept her father, mother, and half a dozen brothers and sisters by being a “cutter out” in a millinery shop. A Russian sergeant has invented a method for the rapid construction ol boats from tents. Upon experiment, in . thirty minutes, under the designer’s | direction, a detachment of men chosen by hap-hazard improvised several handy boats with the aid of green wood from a neighboring grove. Each boat readily supported four to six fully equipped soldiers. — t The daughter of the King of Shov has recently married the eldest son of King John of Abyssinia with a splendor un paralleled in modern ceremonies. The crown worn by the bride is regarded as the one which decked the head of the Queen of Sheba. Ac cord ng to the native records it has been in the posses sion of the Ethiopian kings for twenty five centuries. Secretary Endicott has signified his approval of the adoption of a novel weapon for the members of the hospital corps. It is, practically, a big jack knife, and seems to be a cross between a short sword—such as Mr. Lawrence Bar rett’s Roman soldiers wear—andabowie knife. It is made of the finest steel, and is to be worn strapped to the side. The weapon is not intended for offensive ac tion, since the members of the hospital corps are classed by the General Confer ence of the Red Cross as non-combatants. It is intended as an emergency weapon, to be used as a carving knife, a splint maker, to whittle out an improvised lit ter, or for any one of the thousand and one purposes .or which a good jack knife comes in. The hospital corps will be supplied with the new knife at once, and will then be drilled in its varied applica tions. t Tho Liverpool Mercury predicts a halt in the prosperity of Great Britain. 11 remarks: “There was imported of raw j material for textile manufacture nearly $4,750,000 worth less in August of this year than in the August of last year, j This naturally means a growing decrease presently in textile exports. The de crease is alarming in amount. It is not far from twenty-five per cent, on the month. The trade, in other words, bids fair to shrink to three-quarters of its dimensions last year.” The Boston Traveler says: “Most oi tlie New England colleges have larger Freshman classes than usual. Some of them have all they can comfortably care for. This crowding is notably the case with those institutions exclusively for women, or where women are re ceived on the same terms as of the other sex. Never have so many women been seeking a liberal education as now, aud a large proportion of them purpose to enter some one of the pro fessions open to that sex.” The Buffalo bug of New England is the latest pest scut to a iiict the house keepers of that section. The Buffalo bug is a swell. He never comes down stairs to the diningroom. The parlor and boudoirs are good enough for him. He bores tiny and beautifully-edged holes in everything that you hold dear. Moreover, he is aristocratic arm artistic. He loves bright things, and, like the maidens the poet speaks of, is attracted by glare. His first home was in the Turkish rugs, and, strange to say, for other folks besides New Englanders have rugs, he hasn’t popped up any where but in New England. “A large fruit dealer in New York,” according to the Commercial-Advertiser, “after due examination of both locali ties, gives as his deliberate opinion that both in soil and climate as a fruit State Nor th Carolina is the equal of any in the Union, not even excepting California, and instances the tide-water belt, where small fruils delight to grow, the first table land that is the chosen home of the [reach, the second where the grape grows on forever, and a scuppernong vine, the size of a man’s body, is no uncommon sight, and the mountain region where all plants may be grown, but where the apple reaches such a size and flavor as goes far to explain the temptation of Mother Eve.” Among the recent decrees made in France is one relating to the inspection of butter for the repression of fraudulent dealings. By this, special persons are authorized to take samples of butter in any, place, whether the butter is exposed for sale, stored in a warehouse, or in transit by land or w ater. No obstacle is to be thrown in the way of this, and all way bills, receipts, bills of lading, or decima tions must be shown on demand. Each sample taken is to be subject to a special examination (proces verbal) . Pure butter, mixed butter, margarine, oleomargarine and grease intended for consumption, forwarded in transit, must be contained m closed packages and the origin and merchandise must be conspicuously specified thereon. In every way the ar ticle to be exported must have its full history recorded. The Bangor (.Me.,) Industrial Journal says that Judge Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr., of the Massachusetts Supreme Court, gave utterance to some excellent com mon sense in a recent decision on that “bugbear of fools.” speculation. A man who had tried his hand at speculating in grain and meat had come out on the wrong side of the transaction, and he endeavored to “back out” on the ground that dealings of that kind were in viola tion of the law against gambling. Judge Holmes decided against him, ruling in effect, that the selling of property be fore the day of delivery is perfectly legal, and that speculation is not gam bling. The Judge remarked “that speculation was the life of commerce, inasmuch as the daring of enterprising men who have risked their fortunes on the future had led to almost every event in modern times which has contributed to advance civilization and increase the comforts of mankind.” Some curious facts about teeth are put forth by Mrs. Alice Bodiugton in the Popular Science Monthly. SShe says, in substance, that, owing to the extraordi nary development of the modern brain, it requires all the available room in the skull, and there is no space left for the attachment of muscles for a powerful jaw. Cooked food ah o causes a degen eracy in the development of the jaw. There is, consequently, no room left for either the wisdom teeth or the second upper incisors; the wisdom teeth are re tarded, often cause great pain and decay early. In the same way men, and the manlike apes, have fewer teeth than the lower monkeys, and these again fewer than the insectivorous mammals to which they are most nearly allied. This is a new argument for evolution. As a man rises in the scale of civilization and in tellectual improvement his teeth disap pear. Is it possible that teeth can be educated out of the human frame, and will the time come when the perfect man will have no natural teeth at all? That will be a big day for the modern den tist. EXPERIENCE. Tlie world was made when was born, He must taste for himself the forbidden springs, He can never take warning from old fash ioned things. He must fight as a boy, he must drink as a youth, He must kiss, he must love, he must swear to the truth Of tho friends of his soul; he must laugh to scorn The hint of deceit in a woman's eye That are clear as the wells of Paradise. And so be .goes on imtlUthe. world grows old, Till his tongue has grown cautious, his heart has grown cold; Till the smile leaves his mouth and the ring leaves his laugh, And hostiirks the bright headache you asked him to qualF. He grows formal with men and with women polite, And distrusted of both when they’re out of his sight, Then he eats for his palate and drinks for his head And loves for his pleasure, and ’tis time he were dead. —John Boyle O'Reilly. AN ACCIDENT S SEQUEL. BY EVELYN TIIOBP. A young woman wearing a substantial broad-brimmed hat tied down over her ears drove briskly along a country road on the high front seat of a lumbering farm wagon. At a bend the old turn pike took she observed something dark aud shapeless, which on a nearer view resolved itself into the prostrate figure of a man lying in the grass-grown ditch of the roadside. The man’s face was partially concealed by one out-flung arm, and he appeared to have fallen, as the expression goes, all in a heap. The young woman pulled up her horses sharply and turned her well-cut profile, which disappeared under the Gothic arch of her poke, with a strorg look of disgust toward the recumbent form. Her whole disdainful visage said “Drunk.” as plainly as the formulated word could have said it. Then some in definite intuition caused her to change her mind, and, the Levite giving place to the bamaritaD, she threw the stout lines over the dashboard, calling a per emptory ‘-Whoa.” to her steeds, and alighting dexterously from her elevated position stooped and touched the man’s arm. Some young women, bred to Softer usages, might still have believed in a case of far-gone inebriation. Not so Mistress Kdith f ane. An instant’s sur vey caused her to come to a different cone usion. She took in a few details— the tall riding boots, the whip which had fallen a few paces further on, the hat lying in a stubbly barley field at the other side of the hedge—aud-with char acteristic promptness ot reasoning she concluded that this young gentleman had been thrown from his horse; whether little or much injured she could not tell yet. With firm but gentle hands she turned "V; heavy, unconscious weight of the Bukters and head, and laid this victim an untoward accident fiat upon his, Jfcck in the bottom of the ditch. Then she raised his arms and began to work them according to the rules urescribed by the society of “First Help to the In jured.” She was vejy calm and very systematic, and after an interval she was rewarded by seeing the young man’s eyes slowly open. Keturning consciousness brought at first only a remote and total sense of blankness—a sense of having picked up life again with an hiatus between. But upon this state of nega tion there cut a wrenc h of renewed pain, which caused the present and the actual to leap back at a long bound. “Don’t try to move until you collect yourself a little,” said Mi-s Dane prompt ly, in a voice whose modulations were at once strong and soothing. “Are you in pain? Yes? Ah, I see. A sprain—or dislocation.” The young man had raised himself into a sitting posture. “If you could manage to rest your weight on the other foot —I could help you into the w agon—it’s just a step —try. please.” “You’re more than kind,” murmured he. “It is very awkwark. I’m afraid I’m going to have a great deal of trouble.” The excuses were cut short by that inexorable wrenching, and boring and tearing. “We won’t speak of that,” said the young lady in the concise tone of a per son who looks upon life in a business like way. After considerable difficulty the tran sit to the wagon was effected, and Miss Lane, having piled up some empty flour bags into a pillow, disposed a few others skilfully as a rest to the suffering limb, and prepared to mount to her i-eat again. But she paused and returned with a hat and whip in her lhnd. “I nearly forgot these,” she said, smil ing. And Kendall noticed for the first time the lair coloring and fine regularity of the face beneath the capacious poke, noticed also, through the vague veil of his dazed senses, that she had remark ably fine, wholesome-looking teeth. “Are hats and whips necessary to peo ple who drive in ambulances?” he in quired, feebly. tihe laughed frankly, and, finally re gaining her place, drove slowly and care fully away. * * * * “I never knew what delightful things farmyard sounds were,” murmured Ken- Mall, drowsily. The soft clucking of hens seemed to permeate the hazy air. There was a buzzing of much-busied wasps about the eaves of the columned and porticoed porch. The late Septem ber sunshine burned with a mellow and intense and vivifying warmth. Miss Hopkins, seated near, with a piece of knitting going on at lightning pace in her shriveled brown fingers, peered over at her guest from her little shrewd be spectacled eyes. She had a round face, seamed by three or four un compromising furrows, and, for the rest, smooth and firm, and possessing a certain hardy freshness and juveuescence, like that of a late winter apple. Her black hair, with a silver thread here and there, lay gummed aud fiat and shiny to her pate like some novel sort of cap of su perlatively tine fit. “I suppose they’re kind of pretty when you hear them for the first time,” she replied. “That proviso of yours betokens a profound knowledge of human nature, Miss Hopkins,” said the young man. re spectfully. “Although, at this moment, lamin a mood which makes me feel that they may be delightful even after one had heard them many thousands of times; a mood wh ch makes me wonder how civilized men can prefer the din of cities to the quiet chanr; at first hand. Miss Hopkins ’Find her spectacles. In laughing --s-Ji 5.3 d a way of throwing back her head and of cover ing her mouth. Kendall, in his first languid hours, of convalescence, had oc cupied himself by wondering whether this were a precaution calculated to guard.against any chance displacement of the phenomenal row of false teeth, as regular and white as a row of absolute y new tombstones, which graced Miss Hop kins’s smile. “Oh. you would Soon want to go back to the city if you had to live here,” she said shrewdly, and with a nodding of the head which seemed to convey that she understood what sort of a young man she had before her. Edith Lane’s aunt was no fool. What few human pages had come under her observation she had read wit’ll no lack of sound in sight. And that she had read other pages I eside, Kendall had discovered from fragments of her conversation dur ing her ministrations in the sick room, aud had an hour ago had ocular demon stration of, in addition, as he crawled down stairs for the first time and made his way into the “sitting room,” where, on shelves, were the wotks of Emerson, Channingand other New England lights of transcendency, while various late numbers of magazines strewed the table. “I see that you, or your niece, are readeis,” the young man remarked. “Oh. yes, we both read a great deal evenings when all the work 7 s been seen to,” said Miss Hopkins. Aud Kendall felt that his remark, as implying sur prise, had been an impertinence. When the old lady had installed her charge comfortably in the sunlight, and insisied upon wrapping him in a super fluity of shawls which made him feel more of an old woman than his hostess, Mrs. Hopkins went on: “Edith had always been a great girl for study. Her mother —poor Fanny was my youngest sister—was 1 ke her; but shedidn’t get so much time, for .Mr. Lane wasn't very successful with the farm just first off, and there was so much always to do. But Edith she was from the first kind of bright and strong, and she seemed to do everything easily. After her mother died she took to help ing her father on the farm, and when he died and she camp back from high school she just laid hold, and she says to me, ‘Now, Aunt Judith, don’t you think we can make the farm run between us? I don’t see why we shouldn’t. And so we did. Edith knows as much as any good fanner you can find anywhere around. Why, there’* the horn for the hired people’s dinner! I’d no idea it was twelve o’clock. You’ll take your dinner with Edith and me, Mr. Kendall? Edith ain’t home yet, so I’ll have to go to see to the men.” And she bustled off. In the silence that followed, Kendall fell to wondering how long it would be before Edith came lrome. And at the same moment he saw her team drive iu between the two tall, gibbet-like posts of the red gate. Bhe had caught sight of him under the porch, and came around to speak to him. Bhe had taken off her poke bon net, and her strong, healthy beauty, no longer eclipsed, had never compelled his admiration so ardently. Sha had hung over her waist a little basket of grapes. “These are for you,” she said, smil ing, and meeting hi 3 eyes with the direct friendly glance of her own. “I got them from a neighbor. Besides, I am afraid we shan’t have very good ones this year. We’ve had trouble with our vines.” She had seated herself on the low steps of the porch, and, falling into a pleasant conversation with him, now raised her eyes to look at him, now turned her head with a graceful, arched movement peculiar to her, to glance absently over the yellowing lawn. The returning life in Kendall’s veins opened all his senses to the subtle charm of any feminine presence which might appear to him in the garb of youth aud beauty; but here he seemed, in addition, to des cry something unlike what he had ever known, something capable yet sweet, strong yet womanly, which, for some time now, had had power to move him strangely. “This is a miserable business'.” he burst out, brusquely, savagely. “What a woful figure a man does make in valided and propped up in pillows and shawls!” “Yes; I suppose it does hprt the manly vanity,” she observed demurely, with a twinkle under her fair lashes. They were beautiful lashes—long and curly. She was full of fine points. Kendall, regarding her sitting there, half in sun light, half in shadow, asked himself, with a positive sense of disgust, whether she must be left to harden, and perhaps to coarsen, to' lose, in any case, that rare quality of mind and per son which made him think of the fair, warlike Scandinavian goddesses and Yalkyres in looking at her, under the gradual, depoetizing in iuences of a cir cumscribed, narrowing and withering life. Who could tell? She might grow to look like that worthy and excellent person, her Aunt Hopkins! 1 his thought brought a smile. His eyes wandered from the firm contour of her half-averted cheek to the long, capable looking hands, brown, but shapely, twined about her knee. No immediate danger of resem blance there; still her complexion would certainly “go.” And then another idea suggested it self. There was the possibility that she might marry. Why, it was a probability; it was a certainty! Kendall's only available foot suddenly cast off one of Miss Judith llopkin’s shawls with tremendous vigor. “Why—what is the matter?” inquired Miss Lane, turning in surprise. “I beg your pardon said her patient, humbly. # * . * * The snow came late that year, but it came with a will, and the persistence of a fixed purpose, when at length it did begin to fall. “I don’t see how you are ever going to get as far as the .Mills to-dav,” said Miss Judith Hopkins one morning, looking out upon a white world. “The wind’s so high and the snow is drifting dread fully.” “Oh, I think we can manage it,” said her niece. But when she began to wrap f <« up later en. and the crttcr drove to tli door, Miss Hopkins had fresh misgiv* ings. “It isn’t as though she was just like herself. She hasn’t been what you could call real well for some time now,” she thought when she had been left alone. And in her journeys from the kitchen to ttie milk cellar she fell to musing of sundry things which had puzzled her of late. After the sunset there came a red glow in the sky which turned the snow, in sheltered places a polar blue. Edith Lane, now facing cutting wind, turned her horse’s head homeward. Sh had not intended beings so late, but sh had been detained. At first the cutte. flew over the ground like a swallow. But the snow, farther on, had drifted* badly, aud the road gradually bad almost disappeared. Edith J ane was not a nervous girl. But she rejected that she did not know every tree thereabouts as she did around her own place, and that as the light was fading momentarily, she might presently find herself in a some what awkward predicament. As she peered through the gray, des olate dusk, trying to gather her faculties calmiy together, and to keep her self possession and coolness, she heard in the distance the jangle of sleigh bells. When they had approached so near that she could distinguish the dark outline of this new cutter she called out imme diately and the cutter stopped. It struck her as a little singular that one of the men—there were two —should alight while she was speaking and come toward her. The second man called out in reply: “I’m taking this gentleman there now. If you want to follow me I guess we’ll get there all right. I know the way—” But he paused in surprise, for his pas senger and this unknown lady wrapped in a sealcloth coat and cap seemed to know each other. In truth Edith Lane was looking through the gloom into Robert Kendall’s face. “You—you!” was all she could say. “This is poetic justice—poetic cora pensaiion,” cried the young man hilar iously. “You dragged me out of a ditch a few mouths ago. Miss Lane. Now fate puts it into my power to drag you out of a snowdrift. Will you take my place in the cutter and let me have your reins? For we are both going in the same direc tion. Your destinat on is m ne.” And she could make uo demur. She had never though to meet him again, much less to meet him as she had just done. They had parted very differently two months before. She would never have betrayed herself had she not been taken thus unawares; for she knew T that she had betrayed herself. Even though he could not have seen her face distinct ly he must have known what made her voice tsemble when she pronounced those two words, and as soon as he had spoken in his turn Edith Lane knew that her secret was hers no longer. When Miss Hopkins had recovered from her boundless amazement —when she had hastily opened a fresh jar of her best preserves for the unexpected guest; when supper was over and there had been much cheerful conversation in which she herself had participated so largely that she scarcely noticed her niece’s silence; and when the guest still remained, it occurred to the worthy woman that perhaps her presence was required somewhere else in the house. Then Kendall rose and, going cwpf where Edith'Lane sat, leaned over her chair. “Are you going to send me away as you did last autumn?” he inquired. “What do you want of a raw country girl for a wife:’’ she demanded, with evasive irrelevancy. “I told you last autumn.” “And I told you that you were ” “Weak and idiotic from illuess. Yes, I remember.” “Ohl I never ” “Well, in substance that was about what you meant. But though I may be silly through the action of another cause I am not silly from illness. You will j have to treat me differently this time.” “You had no right to take me by sur prise as you did a little while ago!” she cried, inconsequently again. Kendall laughed. “That was a wonderful piece of luck for me. You can never deny again what was in your eyes at that minute.” “You can’t see my eyes.” “Well, I can see them now, and ” But Edith Lane, with a gesture very unexpected in so self-reliant a young woman, had hidden her eyes in a thick coat sleeve very near her cheek—for there were tears in them.— Mercury. Believes Consumption Curable. The most interesting feature of the sessions of the convention of the Horn opathic State Medical Society in Hahnemann College, says the Philadel phia Times, was the reading of a paper by Professor Goodno, of Hahnemann, College, on consumption. Professor Goodno said : “I have made investigations 'which prove that the person afflicted with phthisis elects the bacilla or germ from the mouth iu breathing. The bacilla are readily takeil into jthe mouth and respiratory organ. I have no doubt but that if we lived up to the knowledge of this disease in our poscession we could' very soon relegate it to a less important position than it now holds. lam firmly convinced that the disease, if treated properly in its incipient stage, be cured, and I do not believe that it is hereditary. Undoubtedly every one of us have inhaled the bacilla, but hav/ cs aped because oj our weli-nourishe, tissues.” . Freaks of Lightning. Lightning performed a singular freak among the cattle of W ashington | Sclimeck, a farmer residing in buscumt Manor Township, Berks County, Penn., the other day. The fluid passed dowt I the lightring rod on the stable unti near the ground, when it passed throng! ; a stone wall and killed the first of foul j cows in one stall. Then the lightning passed through a heap of straw’, but die pnot ignite it. Cn the opposite side oi the stable six cows were chained, ami i from the first every other cow was struck by the bolt and killed. It passed out through th'e wall again, and a Holsteii hull was made a victim. The h ivin'* sank down on all four limbs dead, ii which position Farmer Scheck found th. animal. The stone wall was scarce! torn. —Nets York limes. ' A SIMILE. Rivers start from mountain springs; Lives mature and then take wings; They babble each down childhood’s way— They twinkle and laugh, and glimmer and play, Then slip from their mountain mother's em brace, And wander about in a strange, wild place. One foolishly thinks that a bank of flowers Is the placo whore life leads the happiest hours; Buttercups, to its fancy, seem pure gold, And bright dandelions are wealth untold. So it goes that jvay; aDd the soft-seeming moss Is found to be thistles and tho gold mere dross. Another wanders o'er desolate p’ains, And only waste places and barren fields gains; ’Midst deserts wide, and rocks and sands, Through comfortless and unknown lands; And on its drear banks there bloorn no flow ers, To soften and sweeten the desolate hours! One sings the song of the golden rule, And the crystal drops are bright and cool, Which it spatters and dashes on thirsty cows As they stand, breast high, ’neatli the syca more boughs. It gathers force from streams and rill.. And turns tho wheels of giant mills. Another is muddy and sluggish and slow, In every one’s way where’er it may go; It is bridged with patience and forded with frowns, - - And voted a nuisance by savants and clowns. No beauty it ljas and no work does it do, As it aimlessly runs its useless course tlu ough. Though one may be foolish, another be wise, One the color of earth, another of skies. Whatever their aims and amldtions may be, They all find a way to the grave-like sea; And into the wide ocean, Death, they are tossed, And their gains and their pains are forgot _ ten aud lost. —Detroit Fret Press. HUM DR OF THE BAY. The warmest season pepper. A lump sum—The coal dea’er’s profits. A rank deceiver—A visitiDg foreigner With sham title. The billy-goat wears a beard because he is a goat-lie himself. What is the board of education? The Bchoolmaster’s shingle. What sticketh closer than a brother? A postage stamp, by gum. If a youug lady’s maiden aim is suc cessful, she has no maiden name. Writing for the magazines is a business that always yields big returns — Life. It is probably the attention paid it which makes the weather-vane. —Life. What is the difference between an en gineer and a school teacher? One trains the mind and the other minds the train. What is the difference between a soldier aud a pretty woman? One faces the powder aud the other powders the face. Day is not easily dscouraged. Although it breaks at its very start, it keeps right on just the same as if nothing had happened.— Detroit Free Press. The cobbler does not die, of course When all his years are past, Because it’s quite nnpossibls /; For him to breathe his last. —Bazar. In Boston the neck of a chicken is cn’led Napoleon, because it is the bony part.— [Ahani/ Union.] That is funny; and it is strange that the bony part in cludes the Nape of the neck. Picayune. Emma (to her intended) —“Just think, Charlie, Judge Sipandso proposed to me yesterday.” Charlie—“Wliat did you say to him?” “I told him that I was very sorry, but that I was already en gaged.”— Teens Siftings. Samaritan—“l see you have a card in your window, ‘Help Wanted.’” Y T es, sir; I put that there.” Samaritan —“-My poor friend, why don’t you pocket your pride and go at once to the uverseers of the Poor?” —Lowell Courier. “Had a nice time?” “Ya’as, rather.” “Been doing the Continent?” “Well, yes, if you like to put it that way, but when I|look at my expense account i(j rather steins as if the Continent had been do.ng me. ” London Tid-Bits. A Temporary Loan. —Chumley—“l’m in a little fix, to day, Brown, for money; what would you say if I were to ask you for a temporary loan of a hundred or two dollars.” Brown “Well, Chum ley, if the loan will be temporary, I might let you have the two dollars.”— Accident News. His First Offence.—Miss Gotham (to Mr. Wabash, recently returned from abroad) —“1 suppose you were at court while iu London, Mr. Wabash?” Mr. Wabash (uneasily;— “Well er —yes, Miss Gotham, but only once, and then I got off with a merely nominal fine.”— Ha per's Bazar. Bilkins —“I hope I am not in the way, Miss Tompkyns.” Miss Tompkyns— “Why, Mr. Bilkins, how can you sug gest such a thing? You know l believe iu even numbers. Polly and Charley made two; Jack and I make four; you and the dog make six. We are all paired off nicely. " The Cartoon. Patient Wife (of sick man) —“Mar*;, bring in a glass with two tablespoOn fuls.” Sick Man—“ Darn your hom io pathic doses. You wan't to let me die for want of medicine, don’t you? Mary, bring in the glass half full.” Wife— “JLis isn’t the whisky, dear; it’s tha cod-liver oil.” “Oh!” — P/dJaaelphia Record. A young widow, in evecting a monu ment to the dear departed, cleverly avails herself of the opportunity to in scribe upon the tomb: “Sa red to the memory of Mathuzin Bczuchet, who de parted'this lite, age snU-/-eight years, regretting the necessity of parting from ti e most charming of worneiy”— San Fra/icisro Wasp. “Talking about the sad condition of the poor,” -aid a monopolist, “I’ve been investigating of lale on my own account and I find that the poor can purchase more for their money now than they could fifteen or twenty years ago. Why, 1 a iocomotive can he purchased for $lO,- (1(H) now that would tiave cost $30,000 twenty year ago.”— Cartoon.