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REV. Dl!. TALMAGE.
THE BROOKLYN DIVINE’S
SUNDAY SERMON.
Subject: “An Obnoxious Diet.”
Ll " ■ •
Text: “ And these are they which ye shall
hare in abominati m among the fowls: the.
oiol. the vulture ':nd the Oat. These a’so
shall be unclean to you among the creeping
ttungs that creep upon the »cirth;thr chame
lon and the snail."— Leviticus xi., 1:5-30.
The Bible offers every possible variety ot
theme, of argument, and of illustration. We
care not much in what lunfl of a pitcher the
water of life is brou ht, if it is only the
clear, pure water. Go i gave the aneieuts a
list of the animals they might eat, and a
list *bf animals that they might not
eat. These people lived in a hot climate,
ami certain forms of animal food coiTifpted
their bloo i, and disposed them to scrofu
lous disorders, depraved their appetites, and
bemeaned their souls. A man’s food, when
he has the means and opportunity of select
ing it, suggests his moral nature. The rea
son the wild Indian is as cruel as the lion
is because he has food that gives him
the blood of the lion. A missionary
among the Indians savs that, by changing
his style of fo >d to correspond with theirs,
his temperament was entirely changed. There
are certain forms of food that have a tend
ency to affect the inoral nature. Many a
Christian is trying to do by prayer
that which cannot lie done except through
corrected diet. For instance, he who uses
swme’s flesh for constant diet wdl be dis
eased in body and po luted of soul— all his
liturgies and cate hisnis notwithstanding.
The Gadarene swine were possessed of
the devti and ran down a steep
place into the sea, and ail the swine ever
since seem to have been similarly possessed.
In Leviticus, God struck this meat off the
table of His people, and pla-ed before them
a bill of fare at once healthful, nutritious
and generous.
But, higher than this physical reason,there
was a sp ritual reason why God chose certain
forms of food for the ancients. God gave a
peculiar diet to his people, not only because
he wanted them to be distinguished from
the surrounding nations, but because cer
tain birds and animals, by reason
of their habits, llave always been
suggestive of moral qualities. By the list o£
tilings from which they were to abstain. God '
wished to prejudice their minds against cer
tain evils; and in the list of lawful things
given, he wi hed to suggest certain forms of
good. When God solemnly forbade His peo
ple to eat the owl, the vulture, the bat,
the chameleon, and the snail, He meant to
drive out of His people all the sins that were
thus emblemized.
I take the suggestion of the text, and say
that one of the first unclean things the
Christian needs to drive out of his soul is the
owl. The owl is the melancholy bird of
night. It hatches out whole broods
cl superstitions. It is doleful and hideous.
When it sings, it sings through its
nose. It loves the gloom of night better
than the brightness of the day. Who has
not slept in trio < abin near the woods, and
been awakened in the night by the dismal
“too-hoo” of the- owl: Melancholy is the
owl that is perched in many a Christian
6oul. It is an unclean lord, and needs to be
drivemaway. A man w hose sins are pardoned,
•nd wiio is on the road to heaven, has no
right |o be gloomy, lie says: “i have so
massy doubts,” That is because ‘ you are
lazy.” Go actively to work in Christ’s
cause, and your uoubts will vanish.
\ou say: “I have ’lost my
property;’. but I reply: “You have
infinite treasures lai 1 ::p in Heaven.” You
say: “1 am weak and sickly, and going to
die.” Then be congratulated that you are so
near eternal health and perpetual gladness.
Catch a few- morning larks for your soul,
and stone this owl off your premises.
As a little girl was eating, the sun dashed
upon her spoon, andf she cried: “O, mam
ma. I have swallowed a spoonful of sun
shine!” Would God that we might all in
dulge in the same beverage!* Cheerfulness;
it makes the homelkst face handsome; it
makes the hardest mattress soft; it
runs the 'loom that weaves but
tercups, and rainbows, and auroras.
God mqrle the grass black? No; that would
be too sombre. God made the grass red?
No, that would be too gaudy. God made the
grass green, that by this parable all the
world might be led to a subdued cheerful
ness. Read yo ,r Bible in. the sunshine.
Remember that your physical heahh is
closely allied to your spiritual. The heart
and the liver are only a few inches apart,and
what affects one affects the other. A histor
rian records that by the sounds of great
laughter in Rome, Hannibal’s assaulting
army was frightened away in retreat.
And there is fn the great outbursting joy
of a Christian soul that which can drive
back any infernal brsiegement. Rats love
dark closets, and Satan loves to burrow in a
gloomy soul. “Rejoice in the Lord, O ye
righteous! and again I say. re'oice! ’
Hoist the window of your soul in this tliß
twelve o’clock of your spiritual night. Put
the gun to your shoulder, and aim at the
black jungle from which the hooting comes,
pull the trigger, and drop that croaking,
loathsome, hideous owl of religious Melan
choly into the bush's.
Again: taking the suggestion of the text,
drive out the vulture from your soul. God
would not allow the Jews to eat it. it lives
on carcasses; it fattens among the dead;
with leaden wing it circles about battle
fields. Wilson, the American ornithologist,
counted two hundred and thirty seven
vultures Uround one carcass. If crossing
the desert when there is n o sign of wing in
the air. a camel peii-h out of the caravan,
immediately the air begins to darken with
vultures. There are in. ny professed Chris
tians who have a vu'Hirc in their souls. They
prey upon the character and feelings ol
others. A doubtful reputation is a
banquet for them. Some rival in trade ox
profession falls, and the vulture puts out his
head. These people revel in the details of a
man’s ruin. They say: “I told you so.*
They rush into some store, and say: “Have
yon heard the news? Just as I expected!
Our neighbor has gone all to pieces! Good
for him! - ’
That professedly Christian woman, having
heard of the wrong-doing of some sister in
the church, instead of hiding the sin with a
mantle of charit.v, peddles it all along the
streets. She takes the afternoon to make
ner long - neglected calls. She tells
the story ten times before sun
down, and every time tells it larger- She
rushes into the parlors to tell it, and into the
nursery to tell it, and into the kitchen to tell
it. She says: “Would you have thought
it? Well, I always said there was
something wrong about her. Why, I
should not sneak to her if T saw her in the
street Is it nbt horrible? Rut better not
say any thing about it, because there
may be some mistake. Ido not want
my name involved in the matter. i
•guess I will just go over and ask them at No.
Jfl'i whether they have heard it. Guess it
must be so, for Mary Ann savs that her hus
band saw a man who heard from his uusiness
partner that his blind old grandmother had
seen som ‘thing that looked very suspicious!”
The most loathsome, miserable, God-for
saken wretch on earth is a gossip. I can tell
her on the street, though I have never seen
her before. She walks fast, and has her
bonnef-strings loose, for she has not had time
to tie them since she heard that last scandal,
one loots noth wavs as she passes hoping to
see evidences of denravitv in the windows.
I think that when Satan has a job so in
finitely mean that in all th » pit he cannot
fin 1 a devil m°an enough to do it, and all
bribes and threats have failel to eet one
willing for the informal crusade, he savs to
one of his sergeants: “Go up to Brooklvn.and
in such a street, on such a corner, get that
gossining woman, and she will be glad to
do it.” And sure enough, like a hungry
ffsh, she takes the hook in her mouth,* and
rkftan s'aebens the line, and let-ssher run out
farther and fa r ther, until after awhile he
says: “Tt is time to haul in that line ” and
with a few strong pulls he hringa her to
the beach of fire What do vou say?
That she was a raerahT of the church? I
can not help that. When Satan goes a-fish-
og. he does not care wbat, school the fish be
'on ' to. wh -they it a Presbyterian ovick
-'•e] or an Kniseonalian'salm >n. Amidst the
thunder crash of Sinai. God said: “Thou
sha'tnot bear false witness agauigt t.hv neigh
bor ” And in Leviticus hesnvs: “Thoushalt
not go nr> and down as a ta'e-bearer.” Take
not into vour ear that scum of hell that
people ca’l tittle-tattle. Whosoever willinglv
listens to a slander is equally cuilty with the
ono who tells it. and an old writer says
they ought both to be bung, the one
by the tongue and the other by the
ear. Do not smile upon such a spaniel, lest,
into a mealed dog, he pep-, his dirtv raw upon
vou Throw back the shutter of your soul,
oh. Christian men and women, and see if
-there W within vou a vulture with filthy
talons and cruel beak. Let not this unclean
tmng roost in your soul, for my text says;
‘ p shall hold in abomination among the
fowls, the vulture.”
Again: taking the suggestion of the text,
drive out the hat from your soul. No wonder
God set this bird among the unclean. It is
an offense to every one. Let it flv into the
w-'ndow of a summer night, and nil the
hands, young and old. are*hgninsf; it. It is
naif bird and half mouse. Itseems made
partly to walk and partly to fly, and does
neither well; and becomes an emblem of
those Christians who trv to cling to earth
and heaven at the same time. They want to
walk on earth in worldliness, and vet fly to
ward heaven in spirituality: and their soul,
between feet and wings, is perplexed. Oh.
my brethren, be one thing or the other 1
Choose the world, if you prefer it: and see
how many dollars you can win. and how
mu b applause you can gain, and how largo
a business you can establish, and how grand
a house vou can build, and how fast
a span of horses you can drive Yon
may be prospered until vou can fail for five
hundred thousand dollars, instead of having
the disgrace of failing.for only ten thousand
as some unenterprising people do. It is
quite a reward«. to be able for ten
or twenty years to be raffed one
of the so'id men of Brooklyn or Boston: and
then, to make vour fortune last as long as
possible, we will give you a splendid funeral,
and you shall have twenty-five carnages fol
lowing you, with somebody in the most
of them, and your coffin shall have
silver handles on the sides, and we
will mourn for you in splendid pocket
handkerchiefs hound with crane, and bom
bazine twenty full yards long, trailing half
across the parlor, so that all the company
may stand upon it, and we will write our
letters for the next six months on paper edged
with black. But mv friends, your worldly
fortunes will not 1.-st. I will buy out now
all that you will be worth in worldly estatl
seventy-five years from now. 1 have the
money in my pocket with which to do it.
H *re it is! Two cents! It is a large sum to
oiler for all you will possess at the
close of seventy-five years. Choose the
w «rld, t you want to; but, if not, then
choose heaven. That estate lies partly on
this side of the river, but mostly on the
ocher, it is ever accumulating. The pros
pect of it makes one independent
of earthly misfortunes, so that Rogers,
the martyr, slept so souudly the night before
bis burning, they violently shook him in
order to get him awake in time for
the execution; and Paul exults at the
thought of the “joy unspeakable and
full ot glory.” Oh, choose earth or Heaven!
Make up your mind whether you will walk
in earthly joys, or fly with heavenly ex
pectations. Be not a bat, fit neither to walk
nor fly. having just enough of heaven to
spoil the world, and so much of the
world as to spoil heaven. Christ says
that your present condition nauseates him to
positive sickness: “Because tnou art
neither cold nor hot, I will
spew thee out of my mouth!” In the
ruins of Pompeii there was found a petrified
woman, who, instead of trying to fly from
the destroyed city, had spent her time in
gathor.ng up her jewels. She saved neither
her life nor her jewels.* There are
multitudes making the same mistake.
In trying to get earth and heaven they
lose both. “Ye cannot serve God and
Mammon.” Be one thing or the other.
Tread the < arth like a lion, or mount the air
like the eagle; for my text says: “Ye shall
have in abomination among the fowls, the
bat.”
Again: taking the suggestion of the text,
drive out the cham?leon from your soul.
There is some difference among good men as
to the name of this creeping thing
which God pronounced unclean, but I shall
take the opinion which seems best suited
to my purpose. The chameleon is a reptde,
chiefly known by its changeableness of color,
taking the color of the thing next to it, some
times brown, sometimes red, and
sometimes gray, but always the color
of its surroundings, a type of that class
of Christians who are now one thing in re
ligious faith, and now another, just to suit
circumstances, always taking their color of
religious belief from the man they are talk
ing to. They go to one place, and are first
rate Unitarians. “Jesus was a good man,
but nothing more.” They go to Princeton,
and they are Trinitarians, almost willing to
die for the divinity of Jesus. Among the
Universalists they refuse the idea of future
punishment; and going among those of
opposite belief, announce that there is
a hell with a gusto that makes you
think they are glad of it. Drive out that
unclean chameleon from your soul. Do not
be ever changing the color of your faith. My
friends, liberal Christianity,falsely so-calleJ,
believes in nothing. God is anything
you want to make Him. The
Bible to be believed in so fa(T as you
like it. Heaven a grand mixing up of Neros
and Pauls. The man who dies by suicide in
his right mind in 1888, beating into glory by
ten years the Christian man who dies a
Christian death in 1898; the suicide proving
himself wiser than the Christian. Ob, mv
friends, let us try to believe in something.
An infidel was called to the bedside of his
daughter. The daughter said: “Father,
which shall I believe, you or mother? Mother
took the religion of Christ, and died in its
embrace. You say that religion is a humbug.
Now I am going to die, and I am very much
perplexed; shall 1 believe you, or take the
belief of my mother:” The father said:
“Chooseyourself.” She said: “No; I am too
weak to choose for myself; I want you to
choose for me.” “Well,” said the father,
after much hesitation and embarrassment:
“Mary, I think you had better take tho
religion of your mother.” The time will come
I when "e snail have to believe something. Wo
can not afford to be on the fence in religion.
Truth and error are set opposite to each
other. The one is infinitely right, and the
other infinitely wrong. On the judgment
day we must give an account of what we
believed as well as for what we acted.
The difference between believing truth
and believing error is the difference between
paradise and perdition. I beg you, in the
light of the Bible, and on your knees be
rore God, to form your religious opin
ion and then stick to it, though business com
panions scoff, and wits caricature, and the
air crackles with the fires of martyrdom.
Surely truths in behalf of which Christ!
died, and angels of God trooped forth, and
the whole universe is marshaled, are worth
living for and worth dying for. Amidst the
I most unclean things is this everchanging
chameleon of religious theory. Away with
the reptile! God abhors it with an all-con
suming abhorrence.
Once more: take the suggestion of the
I text, and drive out the snail from your soul.
God has declared it unclean. It is an animal
, to be found everywhere between the coldest
north and the hottest south. There are
; fifteen hundred species of the snail. They
have no backhone, and they are so slow that
their movement is almost imperceptible, Y'ou
gen a snail in one niece to day; go to-morro-v
and you will find it has advanced only a few
inches. It becomes an emblem of that large
class of Christian people who go to work
with a slowness and sluggishness that is won
derful. Thev are stopped by every little ob
stacle, because, like the snail, they have no
backbone. Others mount up on eagle’s wing*
but they go at a snail’s pace.
O, child of God, arouse! We have
apotheosized Prudence an i Caution long
enough, Pru lence is a beautiful grace, but
of all the family of Christian graces I
like her the least, for she has been
married so often to Laziness,
and Sloth, and Stupidity. We have a
million idlers in the Lords vineyard who
pride themselves on their prudence. “Be
prudent,” said the disciple* to Christ, “and
stay a.vav from Jerusalem;” hue He went.
“Be prudent,” said aul’s friends, “and look
out for what you say to Felix,” but he
thundered away until the ruler’s knees
knocked together. In the e\os of the world,
the most imprudent men t hat .ever lived
were Martin Luther, and John Oldeastle.and
Wesley, and Knox. My opinion is that the
most imprudent andireckless thing is to stand
still. It is well to hear our Commander’s voice
when He say* “Halt! ’ hut quite as important
to hear it when he says “Forward!” This
Gospel ship made to plow the sea at fifteen
knots an hour is not making three.
Sometimes it is most prudent to
ride your horse slowly and pick out the
way for his feet, and not strike him with the
spurs; but when a band of Shoshoneo In
dians are after you in full tilt,*)
the most prudent tli ng for you to do
is to plunge in the rowels and put
your horse to a full run, shouting: “Go
’long!” until the Rocky Mountains echo it.
The foes of God are pursuing us. The world,
the flesh, and the devil are after us; and'our
wisest course is to go ahead at swiftest
speed.
Whan the Church of God .sets to advanc
ing too* fast, it will be time enough to use
caution. No need of putting on the brakes j
while going up hill. Do not let us sit down :
waiting for something “to turn up.” but
go ahead in tha name of God, and turn it j
up. The great danger to the church now is I
not sensation,, but stagnation. Oh that the
Lord God would send a host of aroused and i
consecrated men to set the Church on \
fire* and to turn the world upside down.
Let us go to work and catch the last
snail in our souls. With Divine vehemence
let us stamp lls iife out; for my text declares: ;
“These also shall bo unclean to you among
the creeping things that creep upon the
earth; the chameleon and the snail.” 1 have
thus tried to prejudice these Christian men
and women against gloominess, and slander, !
and half-and-half experiences, and change
ableness, and sloth. Our opportunities for j
getting better are being rapidly swallowed j
up’ in the remorseless past. This golden ;
Sabbath is about to drop out of the calendar.
This moment we may drive out all the
unclean things from our souls —the vulture, j
and the bat, and the owl, and the chame
leon, and the snail; and in place thereof
bring in the Lamb of God, and the Dove of
the Spirit! The case is urgent. Arouse! be
fore it Ire eternally too late! “wlialsoever
thv hand flndafch to dc, do ii.l”
How the House Flies Winter.
i
The Wilmington, (N. C.) Messenger i
Bays; —Some one has nsketl, where do j
flies go in winter? This is a question
of some interest, for a house fly is born
fully grown and of mature size, and
there are no little flies of the same
species, the small ones occasionally ob
served being different in kind from the
large ones. The house fly does not bite j
or pierce tho skin, but gathers its food j
by a comb or rake or brush-like tongue, i
with which it is able to scrape the var- j
uish from covers of books, and it thus |
tickles the skin of persons upon whom j
it alights to feed upon the perspiration. I
A fly is a scavenger, and is a vehicle by j
which contagious diseases are spread. I
It poisons wounds and may carry deadly j
virus from decaying organic matter into j
food. It retires from the sight at the i
beginning of winter but wbefe it goes j
few persons know. If a search of the j
house be made they will be found in |
greatgiumbers secreted iu warm places
in the roof or between the partitions or
floors. Last winter we had occasion to j
examine a roof, and found around the
chimney myriads of flints hibernating
comfortably, and sufficiently lively tr> fly
when disturbed “in overpoweiing
clouds.” No doubt this is a favoFta
winter resort for these creatures.
Showed a Penchant for Politics.
A farmer had a son who had showed
no special.aptitude for business, and he
was puzzled what to do with him. He
concluded to try an experiment, so ho
locked the boy in a room in which there
were only a Bible, an apple and a dollar.
A few minutes later he stole quietly to j
the room, lie had made up his mind;
that if he found the boy eating the .apple j
he would make a good farmer. If he i
were reading the Bible he should be
trained for the pulpit, and if he had \
taken the money his success as a broker, j
the father thought, was assured. Upon
entering the room he found the boy sit- |
ting unon the Bible, eating the apple, I
with the dollar in his pocket. The boy
became an able polit;ciau. —New York !
Star.
Stories by Andrew Lang.
A certain Scotch millionaire, seeing I
the pyramids, cried, “ What na fide j
sank his money in yon?" Yon is charm- i
ing. A sexton at Kirkintilloch, being j
intoxicated, fell asleep in a grave. When j
wakened by the Kigle of a passing j
coach, he took it for the last trump, j
arose, and looking around, said, “Ech, i
a puir show for Kirkintilloch !” His
local patriotism had expected a more
populous assembly ou th>s occasion. A
Scot, being shown Niagara, was asked
if he lmd ever seen aught so beautiful
and strange. He replied, “Weel, for
bonny, I’ll no say, but, eh mon, for
queer, I ance saw a peacock wi’ a wooden
leg at Peebles.”
Reassuring.
“Don tbe frightened, child: I won’t
bite you. 1 swallow everything whole.”
—Life.
The Eciipse of the Sen,
— Harper's Young People.
It is recorded of Daniel Webster that
he hated tobacco, and if his guests at
Marshfield wanted to smoke they had to
go out to the horseshed.
BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM
VARIOUS SOURCES.
A Vesretable Maid —Hoist With
His Own Petard —Got It
Just the Same—
Etc., Etc.
In glancing through the “ads” of all the
daily papers,
From the ‘ ‘strong and active girl to the ‘ ‘lady
for the drapers,”
In the “situations vacant,” through which I
duly wade,
There’s none that takes my fancy like the
vegetable maid.
Lettuce try to picture her—commencing at
the top:
Of course her head (of celery) is surmounted
by a crop
Of fern called maiden hair, so delicate and
green,
Which needs the use of monkey’s-cap to keep
it nice aud clean.
Descend a little lower and her ears (of whetit)
descry.
Perchance they may be barley, or oats, or
even rye.
With cheeks a little radish, and a turnip nose
(to smell),
Her mouth a stalk of tulips—which are
cherry red as well.
We must not fail to mention, though it cause
you some surprise—
That she beets an old potato in possessing
great black eyes.
But, unlike that poor old tuber’s, hers can
both blink and flash,
And certainly are not cut out when going
for a “mash.”
No doubt the marrow in her bones is vege
table, too.
Her palms are cased in foxgloves of bright
magenta hue,
While round her neck, the choicest furze she
w ears with London pride;
Though an old man with his sage advice is
often at her side.
She drinks from out a buttercup this Canter
bury bell (e)
Her name is Rose or Violet, but which she
will not tell:
Some thyme perhaps in fuchsia the secret
will leek out,
But that it is a floral name, can anybody
doubt?
Yankee Blade.
Hoist With His Own Petard.
Nervous Old Gentleman —“What on
earth is that burning, Charles?”
Charles—“Eh?”
Nervous Old Gentleman—“l say, what
makes that terrible odor?”
Charles—“ Why, lather, lam smoking
one of your cigars.”— Ba.:ar.
Got It Just The Same.
“How about the defaulting cashier
you were defending?" inquired ffer
williger of a lawyer. “Did you succeed
in getting a stay of proceedings:”
“No, I didn’t,” returned the lawyer,
“but the cashier got a stay of ten years
in the -State’s prison.”— New 'York Sun.
Medical Changes.
Citizen (to elderly physician)—“You
don’t bleed patients as often as you did
hi teen or twenty years ago?”
Physician (looking over package ol
unpaid bills) —“No, we don’t bleed ’em
at all; they bleed us!”— Lite.
It Would Seem So.
“Why do doctors always write their
prescriptions in Latin?” asked little
Johnny.
“My son,” replied old Brown, “they
do that in order to give the druggist a
chance to add a dollar on the prescrip
tion for translating it.”
A Husband’s Sympathy,
“My wife always comes to me with
her troubles,” said Brown.
“ ru e right,” relied the minister.
“A wife slionld always look to her hus
band for sympathy. And how do you
console her:”
“Why,” replied old Brown, “I laugh
at her.”— Sun.
Reduced to a System.
Two vagrants called on a kind lady in
the suburbs of New York.
“To which of you two sha ll give this
nickel?” she asked.
First Tramp—“ Give it tohim.madame.
nenas pu chased the route from me.and
I am just taking him around to introduce
him to the customers.”— Siftings.
Giving Her Away.
Snobberly “Have you ever crossed
tho ocean, Miss Flirty:”
Miss Flirty—“No, Mr. Snobberly, I
have a dread of the water. I don’t think
I ever could be induced to embark in a
ship of any kind.”
“How about a courtship, sis?” asked
Johnny, Miss Flirty’s younger brother.
—Siftings.
Long Visits.
“What’s the matter, Darringer? You
look dispirited.”
“I’m troubled with too much mother
in-law.”
“That is bad, old boy. llow often
does she visit you?”
“Twice a year.”
“That isn’t often, Darringer.”
“No, it isn’t—only that she stays six
months at a time.”— Time.
The Cleric’s Diplomacy.
Shoe Dealer fto clerk'—“William,
why did you insist upon selling to that
old gentleman a pair of small,soft shoes,
when he called for large cowhide
boots?”
“Well—er ’’
“I insist upon knowing.
“The fact is I call on his daughter
quite frequently in the evenings.”—Lin
coln Journal.
An Awful Day.
“Come right in the kit; hen, Johnny,”
Baid Mrs. Brown, “aad get your supper.
Don’t make the least noise, and as soon
as you are through you must get right
upstairs to bed.”
’ “What’s the matter, ma,” cried little
Johnny, putting his finger in his eye.
“Hush, dear,” she replied, “your
father has been putting up the stoves
this afternoon.”
Could Afford to Wear Any Kind.
“The young man who accompanied
you to church last evening, I aura,’’said
Miss Garlinghouse, “has a fine, intel
lectual face, but it seemed to me that his
—pardon me —his trousers were some -
what baggy at the knees.”
“Quite, likely, Irene,” replied Miss
Kajones, with some hauteur, “Mr.
Hankinson is, if I mistake not, one of
the heaviest stockholders of the Bag
ging Trust.”— G/ticayo Tribune.
Harmony In tlie Party.
Mrs. understand that you have
had trouble with your servant girl.”
Mrs. H.—“ Not at all.”
Mrs. G. “th! then I was misin
formed.”
Mrs. H. “lt was nothing. I was
going to have a reception, but she had
arranged for one herself that night.”
Mrs. G. —“Ahd she gave hers up.”
Mrs. 11. “No, I gave up mine, so we
are still the best of friends.”— Boston
Courier.
No Use For a Foot Ruin
A laborer in a shipyard was one day
given a two foot rule to measure a piece
of iron plate. Not being accustomed to
the use of the rule he returned it, after
wasting a good deal of time.
“Well, Mike,” asked his superior,
“what is the si e of tie plate?”
“Well, replied Mike, with the smile
which accompanies duty performed, “it’s
the length of your rule and two thumbs
over, with this piece of brick and the
breadth of my hand and arm, from here
to there, bar a finger.”— Youth's Coni'
panion.
Two Ways of Selling Goods.
“What do you git fer them crab
apples?” asked an old lady of the
grocer's boy.
“I’m very sorry, marm,” replied the
boy, “but I’ll have to charge you a dol
lar a measure for ’em.”
“Jluh! that’s too much,” and sho
turned to go.
“Can I do anything for you, madam?”
inquired the proprietor, approaching.
“I was askin’ the price o’ them crab
app ! es,” sho Said.
“Well, I’m very glad to inform you. j
madam, that, seeing you’re an old cus
tomer, I can make them crab apples to
you at only one dollar a measure.
“All right. I guess you kin send ma
two measuies.— Jipoch.
Couldn’t Afford to be Cheated.
A Poland man once had occasion to
borrow a horse of ex-Governor David
Dunn the famous Poland lawyer, having
to ride several m les to see several peo
ple. He made the trip, returned, drove
to the Governor’s house, found no one at
home, put the horse in the stable and
then went to the store, where he found
the Governor talking with some friends
“I put the horse in your stable and
fed him.”
“All right.”
“Now, what’s the bill?”
“Where d d you go:”
“I went first to l eacon Smith’s^
“llow far do you call that?”
“Three miles.”
“I know better. It’s three and a half.”
“Well, call it so. Then I went over
to my brothers ”
“How many miles does that make?”
“Seven.”
“It’s all of eight.”
This examination continued until the
entire route had been covered, when the
man who borrowed the horse said:
“Now, Governor, what is the bill? Tell
me, and if I’ve got money enough I’ll
pay it now.”
“The bill?” said the Governor. “I
don’t want anything. When you want
tne horse take him I didn’t care how
far you went, but when you undertook
to tell me I couldn’t afford to be cheated
in the miles.” — Lewiston [Me.) Journal ,
Stories of Foxes.
At a recent fox hunt in England the
fox %n into a church where afternoon
services were being held and hid him
self in the pulpit, where he remained
unt 1 dusk. His ba lied pursuers cam©
to the church door, but could go ao far
thered had to give up the chase,much
to their mortilicat on.
The Earl of Southesk, while hunting
in Saskatchewan not long ago, had an
experience with a fox which shows the
remarkable instincts which that animal
sometimes possesses. The Earl says:
“After chasing him a number of miles,
on a sudden he made an active spring
and disappeared headforemost into the
snow. Down wc leaped to secure him.
Behold a ga; ing badger hole! By what
instinct could the fox discover the exact
position of that hole? No difference on
the smooth, shining surface was visible
to us, yet the fox, in all his fear and
peril, could light exactly upon the en
trance of this concealed and apparently
long unfrequented burrow.”
A Rondout (N. Y.) fox caused a big
eastern ice firm considerable trouble l ist
winter. The manager of the company
had had some diu.culty in procui mg ex
perienced men to cut ice for his com
pany. He therefore put on a gang of
300) green hands. Ono afternoon
toward the last of the season, and at a
time when every moment counted, a fox
ran across the ice. Instantly his entire
force ran after the fox, while the dis
tracted manager yelled after them in
vain. Twenty minutes afterward they
returned and found him figuring out how
mu hhe hud lost by their absence. He
had figuacd out that the fox had cost
him *9O, aud he promptly deducted it
out of their wages.
Curiosities of Appetite.
In the desire for change in articles of
food, some strange things have been
swallowed. iMich, for instance, as Cleo
patra’s famous pearl solution, which she
quailed to prove her regard for Marc
Antony; the similar draught which Sir
Richmond Whittington had pre pared for
an entertainment he gave to King Henry
V.; the diamond which Sir Thomas
Gresham had dissolved in wine, and
drank to the health of Queen Elizabeth
when she opened the royal exchange;
and the love pledges of their own blood
which the young gallants of former days
used to drink. The claims of such arti
cles as foods are, however, shadowy,
and, if they may be admitted, so ought
the penknife, the ouncewnf tin tacks and
innumerable sixpences, which the typical
boy, from time immemorial, has shown a
predileetiou for swallowing.
One of the earliest aristocratic recruits
to the stage, Betterton’s successor. Bar
ton Booth, “are.ation of the Earl of War
rington. and not far remote from the
title,” had such an unappeasable appe
tite that his wife had often to “order
the table lo be removed, for fear of over
charging his stoma h.” He had pre
proviousiy been a devotee of Bacchus,
and from one ex bis. uiC 1C 11 into the other.
That food has an eltecton the mind and
actions was believed in by Mossop, who
always ordered his dinner to suit the
character he wa> about to play. Eor
7anga, in the “Revenge,” sausages; for
Barbarossa, veal cutlets; and for Rich
ard, pork.— Gentleman's Magunnc.
HOUSEHOLD AFFAIRS.
Good Way to Cook Tomatoes.
A good and unusual way to cook to*
matoea is the following: Peel and slice
sight tomatoes. Put them in a coarse
sloth and press most of the juice into *
bowl. Save the juice. Chop the toma
j toes and mix in two tablespoonfuls o!
melted butter. Stir up well, put in a
buttered mold, fit on the top, set in a
pot of boiling water, and keep at a fast
; boil for one hour. When done turn out
| on a flat dish and pour over it the fol
lowing source: Ileat the tomato juice,
stir in a table-poonful of butter rolled io
Hour, season with pepper, sugar and salt,
ind boil one minute.
Sanitary Bedrooms.
“Woolen carpets are filthy,”, says Dr.
John Crowell in Popular Science News,
“and il the good housewife does not be
iieve it, let her look across the room
when tin sun is shining through it, and
see the dust constantly rising. This process
j goes on qight and day, and is unavo d
able when the floor is encumbered with
the woolen covering.” Hard floors,
without cracks or seams for dust and
vermin, painted walls, simple furnish
ings, because of dust and “germs,” an
open fireplace, sunshine for disinfecting
and drying, no draperies to catch anq
hold dust, the iron or bra-s bedstead and
hair mattress—these constitute the es
sentials of a sanitary sleeping room. Th*
old-fashioned wash-stand is recom
mended as far more desirable than set
bowls with hot and cold water, as these
are rarely trapped properly, and so be
come sources of pollution to the bed
room.—Laws of Life.
A Suggestion lor Old Boxes.
Do mothers and nurses know how
much enjoyment and fun can be had
of different styles of boxes that we so
ruthlessly destroy? If all the member*
of the family will save the boxes they
will find, some stormy day when children
are forced to remain indoors, that a trip
to the attic (where the boxes can be
kept) will afford a great deal of amuse
ment. The little girls of the family will
select a good-sized box for a new kind ol
doll’s house, and mamma or nurse can
eas.ly teach them how to cut cardboard
furniture to furnish this little house. If
it is summer time, make a tiny house out
of an old cardboard box, and paste oh
to it dried moss, then set it on a shingle
and have a little gravel path leading up
to the door. On one side have a bit of
looking-glass for a pond, and some
branches of evergreen boughs for trees.'
You can add whatever else you like to
make it look like an old fashioned farm
house. This simple toy his kept little
girls happy for whole summers.
The boys can use the boxes for thea
tres, Punch and Judy and many different
kinds of shows.
The baby will be amused with, an old
tin box, some’beans or pebbles put inside,
and the outside covered with some bright
colored flannel after the cover is firmly
fastened. This will make a good rattle,
and if a string be tied to the box
it can be drawn ou the floor, or be sus
pended from the chandelier aud swung
if the baby is too young to walk.
All these simple th ng* have been
he ps to many mothers and nurses on
lamy days, when the expensive toys of
the nursery have growu old and the lit-,
tie children are longing for something
new. -
. When you go away from home for the”
summer put some boxes and bright col
ored papers and cloths into your trunk;
you will find them useful and very ac
ceptable when the children cannot have
their own nursery or the toys it contains.
—New York Graphic.
Th*'i{fs Worth Knowing.
I. That fish may be sealed much easier
by dipping into boiling water about a
minute.
That fish may as well be scaled ii
desired be ore packing down in salt,
though in that case do not scald them.
H. t'alt fish are quickest and best
freshened by soaking in sour milk. I|H
4. That milk which is turned or changed
maybe sweetened or rendered fit for use
again by stifling in a little soda.
•~>. That salt will curd e new milk,
hence in preparing mflk porridge,
gravies, etc., the salt should not be added
until the dish is prepared.
0. That fresh meat, after beginning to
sour, will sweeten if placed out of doors
in the cool of n glit.
7. That clear boiling water will re
move tea stains and many fruit stains.
Pour the water through the stain and
i thus prevent it spreading over the fabric.
«. That ripe tomatoes will remove ink
and other sta ns from white cloth; also
from the bauds.
9. That a tablespoonful of turpentine
I boiled with your white clothes will aid
in the whitening process.
10. That boiled starch is much im
proved by the addition of a little sperm
or a little salt, or a little gum arabic
dissolved.
11. That beeswax and salt will make
your rusty liat irons as clean and smooth
as glass. Tie a lump of wax in a bag
and keep it for that purpose. When
the irons are hot, rub them first with the
wax rag, then scour With a paper or
cloth sprinkled with salt.
12. That blue ointment and kerosene
mixed in equal proportions and applied
to the bed'tends is an unfailing bedbug
remedy and that a coat of whitewash is
ditto for the wails of a log house.
!■<, That kerosene will soften boots or
slides that have been hardened by water
and render them as pliable asTtew.
14. That kerosene will make tin tea
kettles as bright as new. Saturate a
woolen rag and rub with it. It will also
remove stains from the clean varnished
furniture.
15. That cool rainwater and soda will
remove' machine grease from washable
fabrics.
Lucky Andy, Rob, Billy and Harry.
! Among the messenger boys in the ser
vice of the first telegraph o lice opened
in Pittsburg, Penn , years ago were four
known respectively as Andy, Bob, Lilly
and Harry. This quartet has won both
fame aud fortune. “Andy” Caruegie is
one of the richest nien iu the United
Sta es, “Lob’ i iteairn is Ceneral Agent
and Superintendent of the Western Di
vision of the Pennsylvania Railroad,
“Lilly” Moreland is City Attorney of
Pittsburg, and “Harry” Oliver has made
a fortune in steel, and harrowly missed
a seat in the United States Senate—
i 'Picayune, ok