Newspaper Page Text
THE LINCOLNTON NEWS.
VOLUME VII. NUMBER 22.
Politically, according to clo»e observ
•«, Prance ia in a snarl.
The Indian youth are to be educated
whether they wish it or not.
Up to the last few years, the growth of
population in the West had been rapid
enough to keep pace with railway exten
sion.
Thatisa large figuie—$18,000,000,
D00. That represents the actual value of
the real estate of New York, and is an
increase of nearly 2.4 per cent, over that
if the previous year.
Borne idea of how iar in advance the
monthly magazines are made up may be
had from the statement in the New York
Star that the March number of Scribner's
went to press in January.
Leopold, King of the Belgians, has
never signed a death warrant, and, al¬
though the statute has never been re¬
pealed, capital punishment is practi¬
cally abolished in Belgium.
The former Collector of the Port of
New York and later American Consul at
London, General E. A. Merritt, tells a
Chicago reporter that the question of
Canadian annexation is agitated even
more in England than it is in Canada.
The agricultural returns of 1888
show that, while the total cultivated
area of the United Kingdom has in
sreared since 18.8 by about half a
million acres and the area under grass
•'by two million acres, yet there has been
mo increase in the number of live stock.
It is said that the supply of canned
goods increases much faster than the
demand, notably in ca9e of tomatoes, of
which there were packed last year 7!*,.
W)0,000 cans, whose cost to producers
was $6,000,000, and which will take
from consumers a little more than
'18,000,000.
The Bulgarians are hardly up to the
modern ideas of civilization. At balls
■given by royalty the guests eat with
their fingers, wipe their hands on their
trousers or on their hair; when wearied
from dancing remove their shoes and go
about barefooted and conduct them¬
selves in many other ways which seem
strange to those accustomed to the usages
af modern polite society.
It is proposed to issue paper money in
England of a denomination as small as
.'half a sovereign. The annual loss to
'traders by tbe depre dation of gold coin
of that denomination is something like
$650,000, and it claimed that much of
this would be savedwete paper used.
The half sovereign is an inconvenient
rad easily lost coin, which is another
irgument in iavor of paper.
V The Manufacturers' Record, of Balti¬
more, is pleased to think that “every ¬
thing seems to indicate that the whole
South has entered upon what must be
sailed a ‘boom’ in the absence of any
[letter name for it. Enterprises are
being organi ed, we m’ght almost say,
by the hundreds, and no one need be
surprised at any amount of industrial
activity during tbe next few months.”
One would think that all the wolvei
/n Franco had been killed before this,
but during the past year 701 of these
ravenous animals have been killed, for
which the Government paid $10,00) in
premiums. In 18S7 700 wolves were
kilted, and GOO the year before. Two
of the wolves killed last year had at¬
tacked human beings and upon these
two premiums of $40 were paid upon
»di.
The United States is not the only
country where the par value of silver
coin is greater than its bullio* worth
It is said that there is nearly $500,000
of small silver in circulation in England
which has been manufactured at a profit
by so-called “counterfeiters.” The
gains of the manufacturers is said to b*
ss high as fifty to seventy per cent.,
while the coin is fully up to the standard
of purity .
____
The latest Missouri tragedy is one of
the most remarkable in the annals of love
or murder. Having four daughters,
Henry Thomas could have spared some
of them. But when two young men
eloped with the two older ones he went
ifter them with buckshot, killing all
but one daughter. On his way home he
beard that two more of his girls had
eloped. These he soon recovered, but
before he coula reach his home unkind
fate overtook him in the shape of a mob,
and the three daughters, besides having
no husbands, mourn the loss of a father.
There is an act on the statute book ol
Pennsylvania dating back to April, 1794,
which imposes a fine of sixty-seven
rents upon every person over sixteen
years of age convicted of profanely curs¬
ing or swearing “by the name of God,
Christ Jesus or the Holy Ghost,” or, in
default, imprisonment in the house oi
correction of the proper county not ex¬
ceeding t > enty-four hours for every such
offense. Recently in the town of 1 an
saster a man was locked up for three
Says for refusing to pay a fine of sixty
leven cents apiece for three big oaths
ander the old law, which has been lying
lead for years. A writ of habeas corpus
was applied for, but tbe courts decided
that the commitment was legal.
DEVOTED TO THE INTEREST OP LINCOLN COTJ1NT TY„
HIS VALENTINB.
tori, at your door young Cupid stands
And knocks for you to come:
The frost is ia hit feet and hands,
His lips with cold are numb,
Grant him admittance, sweetheart mine,
And by your cheering fire
His lips shall loosen as with wine
And speak forth my desire.
He left me not an hour ago,
And when the rascal went
Barefooted out into the snow
I asked him whither bent.
Quoth he: “To her whose face is like
A garden full of dowers,
To her whose smiles like sunlight strike
Across the winter hours.”
No more he said, nor need of more
Had X to know. I knew
His path lay straight unto your door—
That faos belongs to you.
“Godspeed,” I cried, “and gire her this
When you her face shall see;"
And on his Ups i set a kiss,
A Valentine from me!
—Frank D. Sherman, in the Century.
Blondel, the Minstrel.
BT FREDERICK w. peabsom.
In the eloaminu ot a summer
when nature seems to slumber, when
soft, lengthening; sly shadows creep the'birds stealthily, ever
when are eveninl cooing
sweetly sky is to their mates and the I
pink, red, yellow and blue
unfinished. &„•
Again it comes, and is
p i °
thoun'everfind thy® ““
rr, mere _ is . a . ball „ filled with happy
room
guests, inere laughing, (hatting and dancing,
are noble lords and charming
ladies, pretty maids and bashful youths,
powdered and painted dowagers and
rheumatic old men, many thousand in
noce„t, y happy, all seemingly gay, for
merriment reigns supreme. A many
voiced orchestra fills the air with float
ing melody, and invites the heart to be
be •«»«- *at the
healthful b ood may freely ci.culate,
carrying with it exultant joy. Aeon
PkI' like e i the bU2Z confusion °/ c ? UDtle of t 88 , languages ton K u «« sounds many
fewra Tr m t y P ' e m ume t0 ima S ine
and pillars. ar^draped which suDDort thl
castle, and festooned wife
greens and flowers of nnen^t/fe. b 1
while through the ’
seen theNdl filver WitbfnT« mZ h wh 'ef- fn ^^ 8C, ° Ud 7
Xy less heaven fZ anTlZl i
subjects iuxurv never n brave cresre C dsni nmf 8 ’lmnnt«hiL nd 1
heirs of Fairest ?ad1L d lfiicrh k WM’?v
mirth! ^«dH«n ?b!. of gh be ? rtl| y
and d S f , se^a^ffh
Throw aU care ve V 1
Ki n ~ and pass these fleet amillfii W bn.
thouoh the world were !
here AeTb f, cblldrei1 !
at nlav Then wbv
ful dance cease? Ahnve^he Whvdn 0 ^ 3
stop weird^litfle Dlavinff? t° m eS
LXbut a of Lrnrtsi,^ strain Jnn -
dance ’ the a?l“s music and the Imwhter A^on « r ‘
more again’ subdued soni ~ b!
the thrillino- broken «« i
vadL fore and as its al?bowrthrCb^n melodious nuHtvner P !
the room enX rbe
presence ti of an an*rel ll ’.!A and I h kniobt
—. hk l> L i a
her knirrbt fir ■ b!.^? i>p n 1 Pinndei Blo " del ,s shl1
ssarobG.,, h-H-i f J Ia y God be lp
w‘ * “J, tn ^b« * b .® e d™(I distance, e Untl and j 16 many 110168 shed , ar ?
„ sympathetic tears as the broken song
pleads for mercy.*
* * *
p Beside . - a „ ,__ long and , massive . table ..... sit a
„2 or m °j e b Tf Ve k “‘g h t8, drinking, ,
gambling ; and telling * tales of strife, love
or is intrigue. * b The *t°f room wherein they sit;
aln > * lt p af b^If. carved
and sculptured. Each knight is attired
m magnificent garmentsend wears several
glittering badges won at tourneys or :
jousts, or commemorative of deeds of
oravery and non hke courage. Upon
tne tong and curling locks of some rest
gmtermg crowns or coronets, showing
*vj what 1 S'ablets . ra “ k held tb «y to their represent. thirsty The lips
sparkle with inlaid jewels, and an air of
ntt»l vi i ? anCe Tm f ? ervade9 Vg la " ght ! bo er P lac ecbo ®’ i
from . b T a r g ,nt0th - . e
’
i e dark “? S!, » “ ade ,
more more mblw black black by by the the „ glitter glitter within. within. All All is is
hushed and still,. while one member of
party entertains his friends by a song
of ^ 1 sapp°intm e nt, wh leh is
followed by cheers and hurrahs, ceasing
not until another in tragic manner rises j
a 1 i°a a h ™’- ”
the cruel lot ot a K beautiful lady. This is
answered by sighs and expressions of
Gte5KS, its truthfulness d ° ubtin when g 0r car suddenly i^ a third
E I™!*'. gl8SS ln bani ?L Jo drink to the
the wo tnan on earth; but e’er he tastes j
wine , her name is demanded He
tlm ^l dl olden T/ rO f- times) OUD ?*V the f0r name me “ w of ? r e his bold lady j a
love and general d sapproval follows An
other speaks his fair one’s name, with like
success, Loud words proclaiming and her most beautiful,
the stilly and strong expression's
pierce air float far into the
darkness, startling the bird upon her
nest and waking the echoes of night, i
All are now standing, glasses in hand, !
shouting each their several his ladies’ names,
pronouncing the fairest. Much j
'Wine has fired their blood, and they are ]
about to rush into an angry quarrel,
when lo! every glass, every head bows
and perfect as tbe fanul
iar notes of Blondel s rich young voice
float m through the open arches, '1 he
unfinished and broken song never grows
tedious, until and eagerly the knights listen
it dies away. Then in one voice
and as if in one breath they shout:
l ong life to King Richard, Coeur de
Leon, and the laithfulboy!" And clink
mg the glasses, which ring with merry
sounds; they dram the last drops, shake
hands one with another, and wrapping
their long cloaks about them, cease their
carousing and seek their homes, more
thoughtful * men and * nobler. *
’ * *
LINCOLNTON, GEORGIA, FRIDAY, APRIL 5, 1889.
A prominent German town is alive
with a curious and excited populace,
surging street, bedecked in a mighty tide from street to
in their Sunday attire.
Blushing maids never before looked as
f lovers. a PPy, waiting Aged as they are for their
gained matrons seem to have re¬
several years deemed as lost, in
their eagerness to meet their husbands.
excited Young lads are running and jumping in
unrestraint to meet their fathers
and brothers. Then, too, some are
draped bitter in shrouds of black, weeping
tears of great and mighty grief,
as band, they linger for the body of lover hus¬
with father,brotherorson, filling the air
seeching sighs and moans and casting be¬
and the glances to heaven. War has been
return of the army is expected.
Arches of flowers adorn the grand avenue
where the victorious General will maich,
and maidens dressed in pure white, look¬
ing virginity, like stand biTds with of promise in their
flowers their arms full of
to strew before the hero’s feet.
Great enthusiasm is rhown when first
the they shrill hear the regular beat of drums and
louder, clearer, pipe of fifes; and as it grows
excitement, pushing they become wild with
one another hither
and thither, climbing every imaginable
elevation and holding the breath in
the preparation advance for the great hurrah. When
dlvides and guard enters the gates,
allows the victorious
, betwee its
' the*verv e ! ee ?“ V . n °P en linea and ;
; oi n ll Ml Ca ?
9
are thrown high into the air,
brave hero moves slowly on, his
— ar^auvii-jss
ktse wj/i tHtJhe h ?*■ 1 *? 80n< * ue! * over *■ p~<«<■ 8 bar -
.
ssssa
Bounded and they are led away. Then
to the State, is brought forward. A
scream of terror at his lerocious aspect
escapes from many throats. The Gen
eral asks in what way he shall punish
this chief of all barbarians, a shout of
“torture and the axe!” cornea in an aw
ful tide of condemnation. But hark!
The song of Blondel penetrates the dis
cordsut sounds %nd reaches tverv^LHs ©verv ear
Perfect silence heal reigns
lifted. Every is bowed. The
guard releases the captive. Wben the
song has died away, with team in his
Blondel, eyes, the art General thou still rays: faithful#*,Thra ’-jAkbappy
turning to the captive chief he cries in
a loud V0lce: “Think not I am so base
Dut ri u f
the snow i3 piled in heaps rebLr. and desolation
*wo meet. The,
exchange and aullenl a grim and heartless greeting
y enter a cave near by, where
ma * be a lantern and a few of the
essentials of life. Arousing fire is started,
and as tbe y ™ themselves they cum
their hard luck, for neither has found
one tp rob for tw ° whole days, and
they have no food nor drink, nor that
with which to buv. Without the wind
how,s ’ tbe snow drift3 and the elements
ra?e - 01d kin g 3 of tb e forest, oaks and
P h ' cs lon S dead . are unable to withstand
the blast, and come crashing to earth
with fearful sounds of destruction. Cold
and famished beasts see the fire in the
in the cave and prowl about, growling
and snarling in their distress. The dark
est viUaitt now rises, seeks the mouth of
tbe cave ’ and stands a moment thought
fuL He starts ’ He bears a Bob * And
looklD & whence it came he beholds a
tbe shivering youth. The dark robber drags will
b °y from his retreat, and
s P arkliD g eyes sees that the lad is covered
With jewels, rare and most brilliant,
who Roughly hough he trembling pulls the boy into the cave,
i with fear, feels that
the fire is a kindling ray of light from
heaven. The villains hasten to despoil him
of } lia valuables, but be protests that he
w in die before he parts with his gems,
chooses,andraisetheirswordstoslay They fiercely say he shall die, if he so
him.
He kneels and prays for mercy. They
laugh, j bid a him cold, hoarse, fiendish laugh,
an( pray the half-frozen lion
egg d f or me Vcy; or implore the hungry
an blades dying tiger. But now, as the
of the rusty swords are again
raised, Blondel—for it is he—sings
his magic song, and lo! the swords
cleave the a r and fall harmless upon the
rocks of the cave. The villains invol
untarily jsbes, bow their heads until he fin
and then with shamed faces rush
i n t 0 the night, leaving the trembling
minstrel alone in the cave with the fire
to give him warmth. The lad does not
note the departure of his enemies nor
the height to which the flames are reich
b «t Bits lost in his meditations, or
dreaming, In the it may be, of his master,
morning he awakes rig™ and realizes h7Z
mem bers the fierce villains and wonders
where they have gone. At length he
starts on his journey again, for the day
j s bright and warmer. Not more than
half a mile beyond the the cave, and
farther dowll the mountain Blondel
C8me U p 0n a man dead as supposes,
ia the snow. He at once recognizes him
to be the boldest of the robbers. His
arms and hands are almost gone, torn in
pieces, and his limbs are fro. en. A lit
,i e life rema i ns , however. Perceiving
this the affectionate boy ^ leans over the
dyin villain and asks what he
replies bring assistance. he T he bold robber
that hopes and expects and
desires to die. He says that a lioness
ntterW de voured his colleague and
that he himself escaped in this frightful
condition. The lad tries to help him
upon his feet and offers him wine from a
flask he carries, but the robber will not
driuk; he cares not to prolong life
Beckoning Blondel to draw nearer that
e catch ea h word, he says*
“i know you. You are Blondel in
of King Richard. I was in the
of the Duke of Austria when the
de I eon was captured. I am dying
and consider that among my great
crimes; therefore, let mo somewhat
for it Follow by telling this where he is im
and in yonder path about twenty
isolated The valley you will see
an tower. has long castle, since of which
but was that a part, lies the perished;
in tower King of Eng
i and ,
As he fiuishes speaking he heaves a
troubled in death’s sigh, embrace. and is soon Blondel free from pain
his body, affectionate lad weeps over
as an is prone
to do, and prays God to forgive the rob-
ber’s many si a* oa account of this one
deed of virtue. Then covering the
corpse with the soft snow, swiftly
onward miles is pushes* long the boy. Twenty
a way, and it is late
in the evening and quite dark when
Blondel sees the tower, standing alone
and isolated. Everything in this valley
is the warm and and beautiful, cold all remnants of
snow which threatened
him during tbe night are a long distance
behind, walls far up which in the he rugged Alps. The
before stands are over
grown with vines, and roses cluster
about their base. In fact, he has de¬
scended from the cruelest of winters to
the kindest of rammers. It is a peace¬
ful night, but very dark, as tbe moon
has not risen. No light may be seen in
any window of the lonely toweT. No
signs thing of human life are visible. Every¬
seems to be in ruin. Huge rocks
lie as they have fallen from turret topi
or massive tower wall. Mighty gapes
may be seen ip the walls of the tower
still standing, and owls and bats seem to
have entire possession and are the only
visible inhabitants. Blondel stumbles
over grass-grown rocks and scrambles
several times around the structure,
but finds bo rigns of human beings.
At length he sinks upon a moss
covered piece, of marble truly too
wevy to go further, and di-couraged
at his failures. In all his wandering he
has never seen such a complete ruin as
this, and he feels that his master and he
thoughts are separated stir his forever, heart he Just as these
sees a flicker
of light in a small window, near where
be sits, and his heart leaps with joy.
Immediately middle, he »in gs hi s mag ic song; as he
pauses in the as is his custom, from
within aclear voice completes the melody.
Blondel nearly screams with delight, for
he knows it mast be his master, as no
one else knows the last few bars of that
song. Blondel’s
trials are now over, rad
Richard will soon be free. A ransom is
even now demanded, but it is promptly
of paid, and Richard, C ur de I eon. King
England, and ia restored to his own fair
him country, sleep every night Blondel sings
to find wakens him in the
morning with a cheerful ballad.—New
York Graphic. -
A Hospital Tramp,
He was w^re^gHmv noorlv dressed h^ bis .mi
hands a. d stem P and
fhamTed miwnmon+a u^to «... t^clerk 4.- n ^f J e . f £ > h ®
thf “nwhich , hTasked fof°i
whme ted
and rCandhiseves ‘ doctoriV ” had an unm.stakaWv vthntbit
false hadan illne^
the look that the^oure eenuine mves
Nevertheless aCertainiJard surgeon told him
offto ana he went awav
..s i3 most viLfcx certainly “ sr ■'£
Th. doctor^hen an impostor.” “W. couten’t
refuse to let him in. He wouldn’t walk
ten steps from here in the street before
he’d fall down in a cleverly counter¬
felted fmnf, and the next morning the
papers would be filled with ‘Turned Out
to Hie,’‘Cruelty in a Hospital,’‘No on^ Place
for >he Poor,’ and so But he won’t
*tay with us many moons, be sure of
that.”
“Bow will you get him out?”
“Well, I guess we’ll begin on this fel
with what we call the ‘Undertaker’s
Bevenge.’ copaiba, asafetida, It is a frightful mixture of
castor Oil and ether,
and a tablespoonful of it is given to the
patient A concoction every of two the hours, three day and night,
first-named in
gredients would be bad enough in all
| conscience, but the taste of it would not
remain in the mouth for more than half
an ether hour, white the additiolf of a little
; makes the taste stick closer than a
twin brother for all time. Very few of
of these‘hospital tramps’ fail to ask for
but a discharge after the fifth or sixth dose,
once in a while we get one that will
appear to live and thrive upon it.”
“Does he become a fixture, then?”
“Well, hardly. The second morning
after the tramp’s arrival I go to his bed
side and inquire tenderly into his con
dition. He will have an awful paiB—
they the indicated always do—and every time I touch
seat of the trouble he will
writhe in agony. Of course I say it is a
more serious affair than I had thought,
and I order my assistant to bring up that
red hot iron. In less than ten seconds
Mr. Tramp feels very much better, and
is generallv clothed and out of doors by
the time the iron is a pleasing red. I
suppose that some day we will get a fel
low who is so lazy that he will stand the
cauterization rather than leave his com
fortable bed and general board, but I
think that if the occasion arises we will
find some way to oust him .”—New York
Times
New Hennings.
There was once a little girl whose
reading in school was so excellent that
she was always called upon to display
her abilities when visitors were present.
On one such occasion, says Youth's
Companion, she rose, “puffed up with
majestick pride,” to repeat a poem be¬
ginning : “Daffodils! daffodils!”
But pride had a fall that time, for the
words got twisted, and she enunciated
with emphasis:
“Daddyfoils! daddyfoils!"
Many are the ludicrous mistakes be¬
longing to reading classes. A little girl
one day attempted the-entence:“Cortes, followers,
with a handful of went to
Mexico,” but she read, in all gravity;
“Cortes, with a handful of flowers, went
to Mexico.”
Another child delivered, with great
expression, the lines from “Lord U Urn's
Daughter:” will cheer bony bride.
•• U ho my
When they have slain her lover?"
A Mexican Medical Marvel.
A letter from Lima, Peru, says that
considerable seusation has been caused
there by the presence of a Mexican medi¬
cal man, Dr. Castellanos, who is alleged
to possess some wonderful secret for
diagnosing performed and expelling tape worms.
He has many successful opera¬
tions, and his soles receipts day. ere nearly a thou¬
sand silver a By observa¬
tion of the patient’s eyes ho discovers
the presence of the worm and accur¬
ately estimates its dimensions. The
lead ng local and physicians talk regard him as
a for charlatan, without of punishiug him
Lima practising Dr. Castellanos proceeds a license. ■ From
to Chili
and from there to Paris, where, it is re¬
ported, he will compete for the great
medical prize of $60,000, won a yew
ago by Pasteur.—New Ygrk Press,
BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROTj*
VARIOUS SOURCES:
Her Valentine—How Many?—Th In e*
Better Left Unsaid — Mutt o*
With Capers — The Modern*
Plan — The Reason Why.
Mary fall got a valentine <
AU of love and woe,
And thought it came from bashful Jones,.
Afraid to tell her so.
She kissed it fifty times a day, >
And And talked dreamed about of it at wedding night; %
tbe day
It mentioned, with delight.
She showed it at the skating pond
To Jones and blushed with art.
“Ob, Sent dearest George, who do you think
me this bleeding heart i"
“I know,"smiled Jones, and then she sighed,
“Of course; but first ask mother,”
And got real mad when he replied:
“ ’Tis from your little brother.”
— H. C. Dodge.
How Many?
“Pa, do you know your tables!”
“Fairly well, Johnnie. What do you
wish to know!”
“How many bushels make a hen
peck ?”—New York World.
Things Better Left Unsaid.
“You can’t go home when it’s raining
like this. You’d better stay and have
dinner with us I”
“Oh! it’s not qnite as bad as that!”—
London Punch.
Mutton With Capers.
Miss Giddvspinster (coquettishly)—
“Dear Mr. Timid, don’t you like mutton
With capers!”
Mr. Timid (who has been trying in
vain to cut his meat for the last ten
minutes)—“i es, when they are properly
mated; but my mutton is too old fer
tapers .”—Boston Beacon.
The Modern Plan.
Editor—“This poem, sir, is miserable
trash.”
,, 0 , 7^1 ^° . d , that .
Publish PnhbOj it_ b- anA and PII PI see that it is copied j
th T 1 bavearranged b
fuitbnrahL^^and w O ?
h \ d >-i wlU g6t \
—Philadelphia Record. SSSMSf.
T - , v .
Yeast “Where’s your overcoat?”
Crunsonbeak— “Atmy uncles.”
u-S-fflf* ao ,0 “
Why do you call .., him . you r unc le!” ,
CWh “ " Ufa ° a
mne. -Statesman.
Man and Horse.
Strect Car Driver—-“Me and that off
harse has been workin’ for the company
for twelve years now.”
Passenger—“That so? The company
must think a great deal of you both.”
“Wall, I dunno; last wake the two of
us was taken sick, and they got a doc
ther for the harse, and docked me.
hme. ap, thare, now, Betsy.”.—New York Tri -
A Father’s Knowledge.
“what “Papa,” said the inquisitive youth,
causes malarial fever!”
“Don’t you know that, Johnny?”
“No; papa,” said the bov, adding with
some suspicion, “do you!”
“Why, certainly, my son.”
“What is it?”
“Malaria, of course .“—-Merchant
Trace er.
Free Medical Advice.
took “Doctor,” said a citizen as he over
him on the street, “what do you
do in case of a gone stomach?” "
“Weil," replied the doctor, thought
fully, “I’ve never had such a case my
self, but I would recommend you to ad
vertise for it and then sit down in a large
easy-chair and wait until some body
brings it back.”— Life.
The Article was Accepted.
Office Boy—“We just received an ar¬
ticle from the pen of Mr. Wayback.”
Editor—“Nonsense! Not Wayback,
the farmer?"
O. B.—“Yep.”
Editor—“What is the article?”
O. B.—“It is a ten-pound ham.”
The O. B. just misses the paste-pot as
he sneaks out of the door .—New York
World.
Cat chin 2 a Tartar.
Physician (arousing a tramp one morn¬
ing what from a nap on his doorstep)—“Here,
is the matter with you) Can’t you
move Tramp—“I’m more lively?” feeling bad,
and can’t be expected pretty boss,
to move in
hurry.”
P.—“What’s the matter?”
T.—“I’ve been at death’s door all
night .”—Boston Budget.
Part of the Business Completed.
Lulu, he said (he , was a young
man
who had great confidence m himself i. and
he bent toward her tenderly, “I have
loved you long and tenderly. Will you
name the the day day ?
“Oh, is already named, Mr. j
Harris,” answered the girl, blushing. |
told “v forgo h m was the thud so pertinacious, of next month. I finally The
cards will be out in a day or two.”—
Bazar.
Class in Composition.
Teacher—“Now, children, I will give
you throe words—Boys, Bees, and
Bears; and I want you to compose a
sent enee which will include all three
words.”
Small Boy—“I have it”
Teacher—“John McCarthy, you may
give your sentence.”
John A.cCarthy—“Boys bees bare
whin they goes in swimmin’.” - Harper’s
linear.
A Sublimated Dade.
Wilkes—“Young Tomson is the most
sublime dude I ever heard of.”
Jacques—“How so?"
Wilkes—“Why, he puts on his dress
suit when he writes to his best girl.”
Ja something ques—“Ah! I heard That about reminds him. ” me of
of
Wilkes—“What was it!”
Jacques—“He rinses his mouth when-
ever he pronounces a word wrong.”_
Indianapolis Newt.
The Wrong House. ’
Tramp “I (thinking to obtain sympathy)
— say, mum, I ain’t got nowhere that
I kin call home, and I ain’t eat nuthia*
all day. Would you mind it, mum, if I
slep’ Lady in the snow here until mornin’?”
of the House (who knows ’em)
—“No, I ain’t got any ob ections. You
member, era drop down there anywhere; only re¬
that as I don’t charge yon any¬
thing shovel for your lodgin’, I shall expec’ you
to the snow away from the house
in the mornin’. ”— Life.
Such is Fame.
“William Henry, you have the ele
ments of greatness in. you, and if you
were not so indolent you might be a
famous man.”
“I don’t want to be a famous man.”
“Why not?”
“Well, as I am now, people address
me “1 respectfully ’ aa William Henry.”
es.
“And if I v ere famous thev would
slap me on th* back and call me BilL”
—Nebraska SfmAe Journal.
It* Valne Fell Suddenly.
Auctioneer r a t close of church feati
“kiere we have another fine cake.
How mmch am I offered for it? Start it
along Urely. How much ?”
Mi. Grindstone—“One dollar.”
Mrs. Grindstoce—(whispering delight
edlyl—-“That's good of vou, Jonas. I
made that oake myself.”
Auctioneer— • One dollar — dollar—
dollar—ge ing at a dollar— do I hear the
Mr. Grindstone—“I didn’t say one
dollar.'. I sad one dime.” (The hard¬
ened wretch;.—C ’Airayo Tribune.
His P ,na * Farewell.
Ue had been wondering for sometime
bow be could escape from the toils that
were g eDtl y creeping round him and
break the spell of soft converse and
etching eyes. An opportunity came at
As she ended a spirited descrip¬
tion of her journey through the Alps she
said impulsively. “Oh, Mr. Slowpace,
I think you ought to travel!”
He looked at her rigidly, rose slowly
and grasped his hat. “No woman shall
»aythat twice to roe," he remarked with
a firm and desperate voice; “I knew it
was after eleven o’clock; but I thought
that >*—I hoped—no matter. Fare
weR, Miss Phineweb-I will travel!”
lnd h ' 414
yet.
Avoiding Publicity.
fraJuu to U yo^”l J ^
presume?”
Eminent Statesman—“There ia no use
in trying to keep anvthing from the
eye ot a reporter. Congressman You recog
ni« me, of course, as '
Blank.”
quire, i.eporter—“Why, sir, the so it is! May I in
locality?” object of your visit to our
Eminent Statesman (with dignity)—
“You may say, sir, that I am traveling
through heTe in a quiet wav, and as far
as Chicago possible avoiding publicity.” —
Tribune.
The Huckster’s Rase.
“Strawberries! Strawberries! Nice,
fresh strawberries 1” cried a street huck¬
ster from his cart on a street in East
Boston the other day.
I'p went windows, doors few open
and eager women’sfaces appeared every
where, attracted by the cry.
“What's that? Strawberries!” cried
one woman, as the cart drew near.
“Escuse me,madame,” said the huck
ster, blandly, “I was about to say when
you interrupted me, that nice fresh
strawberries are not on the market at
this time of the year, but if you are in
netd of any nice, fresh fish, I have here
some fine ones which I am selling-”
There was a sound like another Mer
cantile street explosion, but it was only
a window closing suddenly .—Boston
Globe.
An ,on.
The minister s wife sat on the front
porch mending the clothes of one of her
stopped numerous progeny. A neighbor passing
in for a social chat. A large
work basket, half full of buttons, sat on
the floor of the porch. After various
marks of a gossipy nature the visitor
sald i.
A ou seem to , , be well ,, supplied , , with
buttons, Mrs. Goodman.”
“Yes; very well indeed.”
the “My gra .ious! If there ain’t two of
same buttons my husband had on his
last winter suit I’d know ’em any
where.”
“Indeed!” said the minister’s wife,
calmly. “lam surprised found to hear the it, as
all these buttons were in con
tribution box. So I thought I might as
well put them to some use, so I—what 1
again.”—West must you go? Well, Alliance, be sure to call
Point
A Famous Actor's Joke.
One day the elder Sothern, who was a
famous piactical joker as well as an actor,
with Mrs. Wood into an iron
monger’s shop and asked for Macaulev’s
“History of England ”
“We — do - not • sell . books, ......- sir,’’ said the
shop.” assistant. “This is an ironmonger’s
“Well, I’m not particular,” be deaf; said Soth
ein, pretending to “I don’t
care whether it is bound in calf or Rus-
shouted “But the this assistant. is not a bookseller’s,"
“All neatly. right,” I said Sothern, have it “wrap it
up want to sent down
to the hotel. It’s for a present I wish
to make to a relative.”
“We don’t keep it,” shouted the as¬
sistant, getting red in the face,
“Do it up as if it were lor your own
mother. I don’t want anything better
than that, ” said Sothern. “I would like
to “Sir,” write my bawled name the on the fly-leaf.”
assistant at the top
0 f his voice, “can’t you sec that we do
not keep well," books?” said Sothern,
disturbed, “Very quite un
“I will wait for it.”
The clerk appealed to his master and
said he thought the customer must be
his head.
“What is it, sir? What do you de¬
he said to Sothern.
“I want to buy a file,” said the actor,
“A V plaiu file, four or five inches long.”
“Certainly,” glance Baid the master, casting 9
withering at his assistant,
Subscription: $1.16 is Idianee.
■ST!*
THE SHIP THAT COMBO.
The treasure ship for which jrra wall
Hsth pasud, you say, the daydawn’f gala.
And proudly cleaves the curling foam
With ail her white sails trimmed for homa.
You look—you laugh—how eagerly
You watch tbe meet of sea and sky!
Ha, ha! a something mounts the line!
Is that yours?—It may be mine!
Have I a ship upon the sea?
I wait to hail my argosy,
With treasure trove from far away
Amid tbe wonders of Cathay_
Deep in the land of silk and pearl,
Beyond Hie maelstrom’s fatal swirl!
And so the sails that yonder shine
Instead of yours, may all be mine!
The flag that flatters at the peak
Hath ta'en the blushes from your cheek;
You turn away and with a sigb
Shut out the sight of sea and sky.
There! wait with me; the honied bliss
Of hope returns with stolen kiss;
Hail we the ship that’s crossed the lin
It may be yours; it may be mine!
If yours, I will rejoice to know
That homeward breezes gently blow;
If mine, my hands w ll baste to share
Its treasures, always rich and rare;
Love, let us watch upon the strand,
Tbe hopeful breezes blow to land;
There will be love and bliss divine,
Whether the ship be yours or mine.
—T. C. Harbaugh, in St. Louis Magazine.
PITH AND POINT.
The cap of liberty—A widow’s cap.
One of the last sad rites—Writing a
will.
A small country seat— A milking
stooL
Times are only sew sew with the seam¬
stress.
Base advice—Directions for dressing a
turkey.
ad Beastly weather—When it rains cats
dogs.
A board bill—^The lumber merchant’^
statement.
Mrs. Munmwell wants to know if the
last lunar eclipse was partial or impar
tial .—Boston transcript.
A seven dollar overcoat is a heap
warmer than the ticket for a fur
trimmed one .—Merchant Traveler.
One of the things difficult to explain
is how two men can fight after signing
articles of agreement__New York News.
“What are elevators, papa?”
Asked a boy on tbe street,
“They, Use my otaild, are what the miller*
to raise the price of wheat.”
—Siftings.
There is nothing in this world that so
thoroughly upsets paving-stone a man as running
over an unseen on a bicy¬
cle.— Bazar.
She tremulously)—“George,pathreat
sns to turn off the gas if you stay after
10 o’clock him, to-Dight” He (delightedly)
—“Let let him !”—Boston Courier.
Miss Travis—“Don’t you think my
dress is too sweet for anything.” Miss
Desmith—“Oh, lovely—exquisite! I
do believe your dressmaker could make
a bean-pole look gracefuL "—Burlington
Free Press. m
A man stayed out with jolly Hie*
Who passed their time in politics,
And then he'd roam
To his old home,
And there he found that Molly kicks. f
—GoodaWs Sun.
Sunday-school teacher—“Willie, have
you had anything during the week to be
especially thankful for?” Willie—
wrist, “les’m. and Johnny I licked Podgers him for sprained first time his
the
yesterday .”—Burlington Free Pres*.
Policeman (to keeper of Morgue)—
“Mr. White, the capt'in wants to know
if ye have the body of a man here about
forty-five years of age.” Keeper White —
“Had he any peculiarity by which he
could be recognized?” Policeman—
“Yes, he was deaf and dumb.”—New
York News.
Leprosy’s Prevalence in India.
of leprosy. Statements in a Nineteenth
Century article are alarmin". The au
thorsaid that in the course of a six
months’ tour in India he had found
lepers d, in almost every town he had visit
e might even be though his stay in the place
only a few hours’ duration) He
saw most he ghastly them lepers begging in the
streets; met in railway stations;
in one small bazar a friend told him he
j had who counted twelve; employed he even heard English of
one baker in was by an
the making of bread. Alore
over, it is estimated that all the copper
money of India has passed through the
hands of lepers. The author found a
man whose hands were covered with
leprosy, engaged in the railway service
as a ticket collector. Lepers, he asserts,
with their revolting miseries fully ex¬
posed, associate freely with the com¬
munity.
It has been stated by the superintend¬
ent of the leper asylum in Calcutta that
°f those who assemble at the funeral
feasts of the wealthy natives fully one in
three i» a leper. This asylum is gener¬
ally overcrowded, and the pol ce bring
lei ers who are dying to it in cabs, and for
whom it is necessary to turn ouc less im¬
minent patients, in short, lepers in
India mix with people, go where they
please, life marry whom they choose, lead a
roving and thus continually become
fresh centers for propagating tbe d sease.
Tue evil is so widespread that I ord
Duflerin said to the author of the paper,
one rid might India almost as read ly undertake
to of its snakes as of ita
leprosy.
The Origin of Halloo and Hurrah.
Among other exclamations “Hurrahl” in have common curi¬
use “Halloo:” and
ous origins attributed to them. It ia
sa d by the author of “The Queen’s
English” that the people of t harnwood
L orest, Leicostersh re, when they de¬
sired to had a person at a d stance called
out not halloo.” but “halloup!” This
he imagines is a survival of the times
when one cried to another “a loupl
a loup!" wolf!” or as we would now say:
“Wolf! “Hurrah!” again ac¬
cording to M. Littre, is derived from the
Slavonic hur&j, “to Paradise,” which
signifies sigmties that ' all soldiers who fell fighting heaven.
went straight corruption to of
“PrLhee" is obviously a
“I pray thee;’’ while “marry” was the
originally a method of swearing Bound. by
Virgin Mary.— All the Year