Newspaper Page Text
THE LINCOLNTON NEWS
Z -
VOLUME VII. NUMBER 23.
T.
Jay Gould is said to have control of
more than two hundred thousand
of railroad.
Mr. Oberly, Commissioner of Indian
Affairs, thinks that Indians should be
trained to labor.
Louisiana furnishes alone oiie-seveftth
of our sugar. Her crop in 1388 was
850, 000,000 pounds.
...
” Boston still leads all other Titles in
this country in the magnitude of its
transactions in wool.
! 1 " i
The debt of the Dominion of Canada
increased last year from $227,314,775 to
$234,513,358. There was an increase in
the co 8 t of .nearly every branch of the
public service.
Plymouth Church, in Brooklyn, paid
Henry Ward Beecher a salary of $20,
OJO. It pays his successor $10,000, and
at the end of last year had but $23 left
in the- treasury.
.
Among the names suggested as substi¬
tutes for ‘North and South Dakota we
note particularly the following:
Ogalala, Ponka, Sanona, Pembiua, An¬
kara, Hedatsa, Tsanti, Arnati.
The Frovidence Journal tlrnks that
Communism as a remedy for Boulaugcr
i*ffi» recommended by General Cluseret,
would be to the French like taking the
smallpox tp escape a tertian aguo. *
The Congressional Committee ap
pointed to investigate immigration has
reported it as a matter of prime neces
•ity that no idiot should be admitted
from abroad into the United Slates.
Philadelphia, which by the census of
1880 had but thirty per cent, of foreign
bora mechanics, now complains that
_
foreigners so overrun her building trades
that American 1 103-8 have no chance of
entering them.
The length of the Alississippi River
has always been placed at 4100 miles, but
civil engineers familiar with the stream
say that it has shortened itself o er 400
miles in twenty years, and will do as
well in the twenty to come.
The number of people immigrating
into England yearly, varies considerably.
The figureB'for the five years ending 1887
show a yearly average during that period
of 118,082. Of the immigrants in 1887
85,475 Were of English origin.
During the past year-the net-gain of
new churches in the United States was
6434; of minister, 4505, and of members,
774,881. On an average, therefore,
seventeen churches were gained each
day, twelve ministers and 2120 members.
New railroads built last year footed up
all the way from 6900 to 7300 miles, ac¬
cording tp various authorities. The
higher figure is nearer the mark and
probably 7500 would .be the correct
amPUftt. • This is. pretty good for an off
year.,-' - " ' - •
’ .During the last fifteen years the excess
of births oyer deaths has been seven
times greater in Germany than in France.
The contrast becomes greater when it is
added that; while few Frenchmen emi¬
grate, as many as 4,000,000 Germans
have removed to the United States since
: mo. ■ ■ -
,
Governor Foraker, of Ohio, recently
commuted the death sentence of a fe¬
male "murderer' to life imprisonment.
He was influenced by a Judge who wrote
to'him that death would be too good for
the woman,, and that imprisonment for
life was the only thing that would- pun¬
ish her With proper severity.
Hamilton .Wilicbx in his latest publi¬
cation. ’“Freedom’s Conquest,” asserts
that woman suffrage how exists to a
greater or less extent in over one hun¬
dred regions ''of the world, covering
fourteen millions of square miles and
comprising a population of nearly three
hundred millions. ■
A monument is to J>e erected on the
spot'in ’th? forest oflEpinbuse where
stood the oak tree in which ’Gambetta
and AL Spuller flighted from their bal¬
loon, in their esoape from Paris to Tours
during the Franco-German war. The
tree itself was recently cut do .vn by the
owner, who has no regard for relics.
The New York World, in a recent
_
. editorial on the saloons of that city, says
that it is difficult to believe the facts in
regard to the number of liquor shops in
New York. It comes to the conclusion
that “saloon keeping is tho chief in¬
dustry of the City of New Y’ork as com¬
pared with any other specific business.”
The annual mortality caused in this
country by that' form of tuberculosis
called cdhsumpfiotr is estimated to be
180,000. The (oncurrent testimony of
prominent pKysicians, veterinarians and
bacteriologists is to the -'effect that this
terrible mortality can.be largely decreased
by preventing the sale of the beef of tuber¬
culous cattle and themiIk'of tuberculous
cows. The careful sanitary inspection of
all herds for the purpose of eradictlng this
ditease is re juired, asserts the New Ifojrk
Timh for the protection of the people.
DEVOTED TO THE INTEREST OP LINCOLN COUNTY.
H S 8TA
town,
-
From Shasta town to Radding town
"'-I'iHH’ dead ’
Their Drops dusty terries up an^down
grass-grown trails. Their Silent mines
Are wrapped in chapparel and vines;
Twixt Redding and sweet tS&l Shasta town.
The quail pipes pleasantly. The hare
That Leaps careless below o’er the golden oat
The grows the water moat;
lizard basks in sunlight there.
The brown hawk swims tbe perfumed aif
Unfrightened through the lifelong day;
And now and then a enrious bear
Comes shuffling down the ditch by night,
And leaves some wide, long tracks in clay
So human-like, so stealthy Tight,
Where one lone cabin still stoops down
’Twixt Redding and sweet Shasta town.
That great graveyard of hopes! of men
Who sought for hidden veins oi gold;
Of young men suddenly grown old—
Of old men dead, despairing when
The gold was jusc within their hoid!
That storied land, whereon the light
Of other days gleams faintly still;
Somollke the halo of a hill
That lifts above the falling night;
That warm, red, rich, and human land.
That flesh-red soil, that warm red sand,
Where one gray miner miner still still sits sits down! down!
Twixt Redding and sweet Shasta town!
‘I know the vein is here!’’ he said;
For twenty years, for thirty years!
While far away fell tears on tears
From wife and-babe who mourned him dead.
No gold! no gold! And he grew old
And crept to toil with bended head,
Amid a graveyard-of his dead.
Still seeking for that vein of gold.
Tbeifr lo, came laughing down the years
A sweet grandchild! Between his tears
He laughed. He set her by the door
The while he toiled his day’s toil o’er,
He held her chubby cheeks between
His hard palms, laughed; and laughing cried
You should have seen, have heard and seen
His boyish joy, his stout old pride,
When toil was done and be sat down
At night, below .
sweet Shasta town!
At last his strength was gone. “No more!
I mine no more. I plant me now
A vine and tig-tree; worn and old,
I seek no more my vein of gold.
These But, oh, 1 sigh to give it o’er:
It thirty years of toil! somehow
And seems the so hard; but now, no more.”
so old man set him down
To plant, by pleasant Shasta town.
And it was pleasant: piped the quail
The full year through. The chipmunk stole,
His whiskered nose and tossv tail
Full buried m the sugar-bowl.
And purple grapes and grapes of gold '
Swung sweet as milk. White orange-trees
Grew brown with ia*ien honey-bees.
Oh! it was pleasant up and down
That vine-set hijl of Shasta town!
And then, that cloud-burst cams! Ah, me!
That torn ditch there! The mellow land
Rolled seaward like a rope of sand,
Nor left one leafy vine octree
Of that Eden nestling down
Below fcbat moat; by Shasta.town!
* * * * * * *
The old man sat his cabin’s sill,
His gray head bowed upon his knee.
J.he chi d went forth, sang pleasantly,
Where burst the ditch the day before,
And picked some pebbles from the hill.
The o.d man moaned, moaned o’er and o’er;
Must “My babe fold is dowerless, and I
Ah, me! what my helpless hands and die!
On and curse comes ever down
me mine at Shasta town!”
“Good Grandpa, see!” the glad child said,
And soleaned softly to his side,
ind ,ner,i° ]d 5 “*,? *° not'S bn?L< he . a ' 1 ’
-”Good Grandm de 8
I’ve found a peck of orange seeds! ’
I searched the hill for vine or tree;
Nofcone!—not even oats or weeds;
But, oh, such heaps of orangese=ds!
That “Come, Godis good Grandpa! Now once vou said '
That good. So this may teach
we must plant each seed, and each
No^ g eo^rrandn»° ra ? ffe ' treo ’ ,
d ‘h'n'lh 11 °r r Iike t0 thi3
The The child thrust her full hands in ’
his.
Hesprang^ sprang upright as of old.
’T is gold for you, sweet babe, ’t is gold!
Yea, God is good; we plant again!”
So one old miner still sits down
By pleasant, sunlight Shasta town.
—Joaquin Mit er, in St. Nicholas.
A MISCHIEF MAKER .
bx Helen forrest graves.
“How d’ye do, Eliza?” said Aunt
Maria Prendergast. “I’ve come to make make
you a visit.”
And when Aunt Mail! said she had
come to make anybody a visdshe meant
Mrs Maverick’s face fell. She was
theory one of°ho 8 p\tafity who‘are°“visited”
nature proxerbia!, and natural S
as a con
ST” «”'»*» "*
JgejtP
not cousins only tw'ce removed! Mrs
for the sake of change of air; Cousin
Hobart SSthSd I'arlow Maveri“k trom the hoSkd\fs West had
headquarters during the autumn, and
the two Misses Aubrey had stayed with
Cousin Elba, because they did not know
where else to stay, until their oft
adv “ tlse “, ent3 10 th f P a P ers
8h8pe , ° f gltUa ‘
And no sooner was the coast clear,and
Mrs. Maverick beginning to think of fall
cleaning, Prendergast than down dropped 1 Aunt Maria
on her
“I knowed you’d be glad to see me,”
said Aunt Maria. “It’s quite a sights sDell
since I was here last, and IVe got
of things to tell ye. llain’t cleaned
house yet? Well, I’ll help ye Wasn’t
it lucky I happened along just now?
Makin’ soft toap to-day? I know a
capital taught new receipt It that don’t ( rlando Jenks’s
wife me. never fail to
bring the soap. look Red cow sick? I’ll just
step out and at her. Our folks
always kept cows, and Mary Jenks is
married to a cow doctor. I don’t doubt
but that I can think of somethin to help
Mrs. Maverick Alftveriek- gasped woqnorl and »nil grew »r»«r pale* r,«io
Everybody Prendergast'e.“help” , knew what Aunt Maria
amounted to.
She was a disturbing element in
everything. had pa-sed Her ofliciousness into adage. and per
sistency required an
She more waiting on than a
baby, anything. and never Whatever was quite done, satisfied she with al
was
ways knew somebody in the nevt town
ship who could have done it better. And
as for gossip, her tongue formed a
house, regular which electric Edison chain himself trom could house to
not
have surpassed. husband ain’t home,” said
“So your
Aunt Maria, drinking the tea which Mrs.
LINCOLNTON, GEORGIA, FRIDAY, APRIL 12, 1889.
M aT «fick, according to her special re
quest, had left off work to make for her.
“It’s queer bow late he’s around the
place. I hope he ain’t took to bangin’
abaout saloons. Men are so unaccounta
'. 1 ve alwa y s thanked Providence for
givin’ . me strength to hold out against
all Offers of merridge. A Single woman’s
so sort o’ independent, you know. And
Ellen’s been sacked by Tommy Morton!
No? There wasn’t never no engage
mcnt? Well, it does beat all how folks
will talk. ^ I was told it was all cut and
dried, cake, down to the plums in the weddm’
When Angelina Foster come along,
and Tom just threw Ellen over for the
sake of a prettier face. Does Ellen look
like a jilted girl? Well, no, I can’t say
she does,” with a sidelong glance at the
green back-yard outside, where Ellen
worked. was hanging “But out clothes, folks singing dread- as she
some have a
ful smart way of hidin’ their feelm’s.
“And so the mortgage is goin’ to be
foreclosed on the farm? No? Well,
bkatb what I understand from Lawyer
Hollister 8 wife. She’s been cleanin’the
lawyer’s office while he was goin
speechin fortheelection,andmeandshe,
we read a lot ’o the papers. ’Tain’t
mo7gage I do declare: a U e pS Folks offa JjgSi W*L and
was sayin’ you
om! te IheYcutttn’off 1 'his fubscri^ons
your own sewin’ and housework, and it
was this you was savin’ up for.
“Eh? Edgar has paid the missionary
bo.w srs* folk will tall
And how’s Martin?”
“Martin is very ^Maverick’s well,” said a cheerful
voice, as Mrs. eldest son
came in, at the sound of his own name.
“How do you do, Aunt Maria?”
Aunt “Middlin’—pretty middlin’,” said
Maria, elevating a morsel of broiled
chicken on the end of her fork and view
ing it first on this side and then on that,
“I’m afeard, Eliza, you’ll have to give
this ’ere another touch o’ the girdiion.
It’s a little rare, and I like things well
done. Well, Martin,” as the discouraged
housekeeper second retired to give herself a
don’t toasting before the fire, “you
seem to take it much to heart.”
“Take what to heart, Aunt Maria!”
“Lucy Weed’s nsw beau.”
Martin Maverick colored even beneath
the thick coat of sunburn that Hd
browned his handsome lace. He binys
lip.
Aunt “I Maria,” don’t think he. I under.fcfM W fu. T
said ’
U H“ 0W it? UWl 1
aweek MnL to W dS ’ « T comeover to
e ^ y^ ,w G9 UCy *, Kr0wa ? notlon ,- awfu °J
j ’
4 • , Y aBd
W h£ Y ? f’ J Yf ey n Pf r '
mvielf ssu Hal T» 1 S»t eePy ' 1 f° 0 k l? bl0ndes .
don’t deny that Lucy!s an up-and down
beauty. She’ll fade a* she grows older
- them yellow haired women always do
but I reckon she s bound to make a
£? 0< ^ 38 dreadful
pleased about it, and of course its her
duty to make the best market she can.
v.he sa-gettin ready forhim to come and
Ca “ p6t ^ Wltb 1 ’. Ule ™ r “ ^"» 1 ^TS ht a on ncw ablack 8tor , e
k , Vt papered the
SnrW tacked muslm r ^ all
r ot ! a “ curtmgs to
the withers. A\ eeds folks is awfu itasty.
“ e ?. ERza, this is cooked to a T now.
Q SUC Jlf f pmkle, have
i1 % r ^,?; Woo “ tershlr ? j®
.partial goodfor 1 to dvspepsy” relishes with my victuals. Its
-
haTe !et 80 ol ? a fr i® nd
“ as W mv « know of lhl8 8udden
Annt Marti v inclTned e ,
“Blue eved gals is to be
treacherous, ” said she. “It's their na
'“L dunno s they can he!Ip it.
^ou-J-ou did not tell me his name,”
, hazarded Martin, with attempt at
a va n
nonchalance
■nr Maria, -^ e mi though U d J I t ^ asked i her Sald Aun and i
down. Blondes dieadful up
is secretive.
-mfrninti d ““ 1 baVe rr° d wltb
L^ P C k e3 , ' Vf yCal ,’ k ,za ’ T H 8 eTB
cowcumber | ain’t overly;sou r . t. But Isays
'“iwS’ Sf ! 3 7 ]’ ‘t e s a lavs ^ best to ^ be
’
“Vof I-^worc^ ^JesTkughed^in my
fli PP ant ’ Blue "
® * e ’ > artU ‘ Mavenckhad left the
im
‘ M arla 13 *> n o'M gossip Goto
r
NTj i cIn’t can t do uo that mar, Elfen juien. No iso rnan man with wim
« L Ible J “ lv crealurls " e “ Women Martin are
unaccoun ” said sa,d lartln
trvin« smile ’ ’' ’
y ° to ‘ ^ Into
Te r 0 Ellen’s eyes.
“Oh, Martin .” she cried, tenderly deceiv/me! ca
r in f h T’ cannot
make ™ £ ifohV o^ft^’tfh ^“shal^nevw hll
Seated* ea to Lucy Weed anainsho § lou’U^
treated vou you like like this' this. Bnt But you 11 go
demn’her nr\,7n Sear’d?”” 3UdSe ^ Con
1 ill nothing more * to j do with •*».
her 1 . u
And . - even the sister who . nearest
was
to his heart dared plead no more, when
tm^averKksbrow. ff”’ 'he,gathering sternness on Mar
Tboda >- 8 w f nt by ’ and tb ?7* eka - and
Aullt . Uaria T l rendergast still brooded,
healthstone! ° ! CP ’ ° VP1 ° avenc
And d one ° beautiful 1 1 dav ud in November Tame
th g d 013 ' e n d n d atalf I Weed
^ fair alli t sfatelv white lily,
Ellen sprang ,* up A from her work.
, L cr c ; led ed _<< oh, h dar. dar
J ’ e 0 mv my
*1“* VV ’ here . , be? said .. r Lucy. ‘W hy
is
doe3 ha-not write to me? What has
Happened!
“Can you ask, Lucy?” faltered Ellen,
“1 can ask,” said Lucy, “and I do!
Haven’t I a right? I am as true to him
as I ever was. I have done nothing to
forfeit his good opinion/’’ .
At the sound of her words, Martin
came out from the ad oining room,
“Lucy,” said he, stern and grave as an
avenging this. angel, Is “you might have spared
me there any necessity for tor
Wiring further? ‘ back
mo Go to your new
sweetheart. Be satisfied with Lis al
legiance!” “I have had sweetheart but
never any spoke the
you, Martin I" bravely girl.
visit “No?” where bitterly. you preparing “Then so brief for awhile whose
ago?”
shrilly "Y'ouknowyou was, Lucy Weed!”
uttered Aunt Maria Prendergast,
w ho had hurried into the room, and now
gtoo d peering under Martin Maverick’s
“I seen it with mj own eyes and
heard it with my own ears. A new
st0 re carpet, and wall-paper at thirty
cents a roll and—”
“Yes,” said Lucy Weed, her velvet
blue eyes sparkling; “for my lovee - ms
heart’s king! I wanted to receive him
w i t h the best I had. It was you, Mar
tin. Ellen had written to me that you
were coming to see me when the leaves
turned red—that you would surprise me.
And oh, I was so happy r in the anticipa
tion of you com i ng! »
Martin turned to hiB sister.
“Lllen ga id he, “did you betray my
ge Cre t?”
Ellen colored to the very roots of her
jj a j r
“Oh, Martin,” said she, “I had for
*>«« it, Yes, I did; I wanted Lucy
.*»^“ hof- k ® f
tbought-indeed, I did that this
Mar ‘ a 1™*^ *% *
£he “Dear burst Martin,” intotears she sobbed, “will you
.
m
gone up to Martin and slipped her arm
l nto hl8 ’ wlth renewed brightness m her
“ace; “for my sake, Ellen, he will Was
happy-oh, >* not so happy “ e P'fasurej 1-until for this I was last
s k^ow Luc *- came. satT Martin, fervently, “you
. know ver ? well that there is nothing
7°? can a8k of me tbat 1 won 1 g rant >
888 „
“Unless , , what?” , her blue eyes spark- ,
bog wnh sweet defiance,
bldes8 J ou “ k me to “J i,e £unt
„ Maria Prendergast said to our wedding.” that,
‘ No,” Lucy, “I won’t arte
She 13 a m'schief-making, meddling old
cr0 "®’. and 111 have n OD e ° f her at
! wedding, or any croaked one else’s.” , , I
La “ ma! Aunt Marta.”
beerd sucb Ulk ln llfe be *
But, nevertheless, .. , Aunt . Maria left the
** ^ **
there,” calculatin’ she! “Andrew to vnend the
winter said I’ve
got to hire board at thrse dollars and a
ha f a week. I wouldn’t ’a believed .hem
Mavericks would have gone back on me
like that. But it was all Lucy Weed’s
d ™g- Them light-complected, blue
eyed women can’t never be depended
»■>”-«■*» -vw.
; _ . Antipjiftn ffabif.
!
xhe new coal-tar product antipyrin
already started a vice of its own.
g j n g U i ar compound was discovered
by a German chemist, and on account of
jts remarkable qualities is now used the
-world over. Ithasthepowerofreduc
ing the temperature ; of the body J by sev
eral degrces and s0 is of vast utility in
treating fevers and feverish stages of
many diseases. It does its work by de
p generally ress i n g the action of the heart, and
when employed by physicians
j neutralize fc j g accompanied with digitalis to
its influence in the latterre
g f ard Women use it partly because it
n akes the complexion beautifully clear
ric- ZZsftZ W *52
habit, like all others, grows upon the
person who practices it. It does harm,
however, from the first. With women
' wfth Start th^ha^l* 88 ^
ceases the tendency } to a terrible ex
tcnt Besides tbese result3 ail tipyriD
cxerts a which peculiar is influence upon the
bloodj the not yet thoroughly
understood by faculty. It seems to
nnder g 0 SO when me decompos.tion absorbed by the or break
j ng do wn system,
developing unknown the blood compounds,"which
either attack itself or else
powerfully ” anglia which iaflu6 nce i the the nerves vital func- and
contro
York Tetter.
Stanley’s Labors on-the Congo,
j A railroad has been planned to carry
the five tnousand miles of navigable
SZ. d »S» 7S?. SSS^UTS
state, founded bv Stanley’s friend, Leo
s ®uth of the great bend of the river and
contains an area of one million five hun
! dred and eight thousand square miles;
its-population S' more than forty-two
1° / es tldeS collected fr0 ?
the African trade are ivory, - palm-oil,
foodf ™nkeV^ hln^notmus iverf S^and^hHes tSs
^“V^ toughfwith^S and and other s^ g «
colored beads ’ b / ass copper wire,
cotton cloth ’ CU ' ery ; guns : ammunition,
and a.great vanetv of articles known as
<‘notions” or “trade-goods.” The basil
of all buying and trade; selling all in the Conge
E reeState is free nations that
part i f jp a ted in the Berlin Congo Confer
ence have right to trade and barter and
establish posts within the boundaries oi
that territory, vast and rich, made
...
cessible through the labors of Stanley,
—St. Mchohtt.
Chinese Nuptial Preparations,
The preparations for the imperial wed.
ding go on uninterruptedly of the Han-lin at Peking,
Thirty oflicials hanging scrolls Academy
are copying and out poetical of au
spicious inscriptions, to b«
hung * lft pairs; ‘ and twenty operatives ol
the t ot com e in every his belt, morning, the esc*
with his passport to pal
ace t0 decorate the walls. The courl
- n ters are also hard at work at tht
munshm, or door iosses, for which paper,
paint, etc., have been issiied to them by
order of the Board of Revenue from tht
Color C.ronide. Department.—Am Franeisc i
‘
___
The Farmers 1'oice ssys: "Don’t kill
the old hen.” The boarding house board
ers’ voice echoes the sentiment.
A naval engagement—Popping thi
pestioa at sea.—f V»w, .
BUDGET DUDULI OF vl FUN A Ulv«
-----------
HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM
VABIOUS SOURCES.
feigns of the Season — Misappre¬
hension— Mnsicai Item—A Con¬
siderate Judge—Put in a
Different Light, Ete., Etc, ^
When the water s'owly freezes
In the pump,
When the merry winter breeze is
On the jump,
When the people of this section
Get And a purplish complexion,
the mercury's direction
Isa-s!ump;
When the merchant dons his great
Rubber boots,
And the school-boy on his skate
Executes
Most astonishing gyrations.
Elephantine demonstrations,
When in full blast are the nation’s
Boggan chutes;
When the attic room doth grow
When Quite too airy,
the streets because of snow
Become glary—
Then ’tis very safe to say
That ’tis not the month of May,
But the blizzanlously gay
February.
—Harper s Bazar.
Misapprehension.
hSjTi !';* 0 ““‘
“It would be more dangerous w to fish
e " > ” ie4
y
_
Mnsicai Item.
“One of these dollars is a counterfeit,
ma’am.”
j- ..e 1 . ..a
hear how clear the genuine sounds.
That’s tenor. Notice when I tap the
other one. That's base. Siftings.
A Considerate Judge.
Judge-“Aliss, how old are you?”
Witness—“Well, I’m thirty ”
“Thirty what”’
“Weil, between thirty and forty.”
“I’ll put your age down at thirty
l0 “ “*■**
Pnt in a Different Light
In the garden.
“Are you bird not like ashamed, cousin, to kill
a pretty that;”
“But, my deal girl, I thought it would
look so well in your hat.”
“True, I didn’t thiDk of that! It’s
exactlv the same shade of gray. You are
very kind \"-*udge.
An Excellent Dressmaker.
Miss Travis “Don’t you think my
ncwdxesajsoosneet for anything?’
Miss Debm.th-“Oh lovely-exquis
make [ A a beanpole binnnl 6 look graceful l”-Bur- T ld
ling ton Free I res.
„ ’T
Drill n -u c Sergeant—“1 . say, .Schmidt, 1 . ^ v have
^ 0 U aD * dea 01 bow sb)w and £ tupid you
"
are j ‘
Private Schmidt—“I don’t know.”
“Of course you don t, but let me tell
you that an Egyptian mummy is frisky
compared with you. ’
Not At All.
De Smith—“Don't you think Aliss De
Collete is a splendid creature?”
Travis—“les. all but her eyes. They
aren’t exactly the same color.”
De Smith—“You ought to overlook a
little fault like that.”
Travis—“I can’t. She’s a foot taller
than I am.”— Burlington Free'Press.
Practically Unanimous.
secession of " 0 ^ oft he Statw waTbein
discussed in a little company one evem
J
3 . do
“How the ladies feet about it?”
asked one gentleman of another
“Oh,” replied the person addressed
“the ladies are for union to a man”’—
'
Harper.
It Had Been the Rounds.
Miss Clara-- ,, T Is that ,, , a new ring you
have on, Ethel. It strikes me 1 have
seen it before.’
Aliss Ethel (blushing) Yes, Clara;
young Air. Paperwate presented it to me
last night. I have accepted him;”
Aliss Clara “Oh, indeed' I’m so
glad. Accept my best wishes. I
thought that ring looked strangely fa
miliar.”— Lite.
The Mother’s Joke.
Afother—“I would not put too much
faith in Aliss Pert, John.”
Son—“Why not? She’s all right.”
Mother—“Don’t you think she's a
little weathercock?” flighty, apt to change, like a
Son—“No. What makes you think
she’s like a weathercock?”
Alother—“Because she’s a little vain.”
—Boston Courier.
„ * 1 ™ dn 1 Ad . ert , s<
First , Tradesman ® J, How , s \ business .
with you, Smith: ■
Second Tradesman (dejectedly) .
“Pretty Tradesman—“I poor. haven’t
l-irst see you
got any sign up.”
Second Tradesman— ‘ No; I don’t be
lieve in signs. Goods speak for them
selves.”
First Tradesman—“No, they don’t,
It’s my opinion, Smith, that, with re
spect to a sign, you have either got to
put up or shut up .”—Burlington Free
Press.
E ^ ,t Suited.
r Landlady- . Does the turliey suit you,
Mr..McGinnis. .
“Carder— It is excellent, Mrs. Hash
well. I do believe that cook of vours
could roast a side of so.e-leather and
make it tender and palatable. This is
(feeling confusedly that he has made a
blunder), I mean, of course, tender
enough particular, for me. know. I m I not—an—at all
you can--or—worry ;
down^ ’ we * 1, any sort of cooking. Airs. Hash
(icily)—Thank _ ., Mr.
you,
McGinnis I Chicago Tribune.
r - 7
- Th© _ „ Nothin® witnlt.
size to ao
Magistrate sir, (to complainant)—“Do that this woman’s baby you
mean to say,
&r%^i5?SSSW.
j Co®pUinant-“Ye* Magistrate—“And the your honor ”
weigh than fourteen baby doesn»
about more the smallest pounds; it’s
specimen of hu¬
manity I ever saw! A baby that size
can’t make any noise.”
get Complainant—“Judge, married and have you ought to
a few babies your¬
self; it would broaden your intellect and
give legal you importance information that might be even
of to you.”— Epch.
Supposed a Case
A small boy entered a Fourteenth
avenue grocery the other day and asked
the proprietor to trust him to two cents’
worth of candy.
“I don’t know you,” was the reply.
“But I live jUSt two blocks down.”
“Bat what made you suppose I’d
trust you?” because
“I supposed so you’ve got two
barrels of kerosene out doors and I could
have bored gimlet holes in both of them
last night without anybody knowing
The grocer compromised by trusting
the boy to a cent’s worth of candy and
rolling Free the barrels into his shed .—Detroit
Prese.
He Admitted She Was Right.
He was seated across the room.
denly “George,” she said “if a fire were sud¬
to break out in the house what
™? aldbe J our first impulse, do you
s>s uouffilo J ii. l ?S5r,^4uS. *i
extinguish .‘f.'rrj'i the flames.”
«* <fi a
were to break out now, for instance,
wouldn’t you lose valuable time in reach¬
ing me from away across the room
“I don’t know but what I would,”
said George, as he changed his seat.
-*•*»
Salary No Object.
Young Woman (at intelligence office)
—“Any situations open to- day.”
. Manager-“Yes. Eecond There is a fine Open
“* ‘ or a S‘ rl 1Q a f od famll y
” a ^ T
1 ght ' And J ou get TOUr board fr ee,
-
k: ?, ow ’ and tW0 afterD00Q3 oS ever ?
'__ dL«,r. w ' , U .... , ...
^er *
Manager—“Let me see. H’m. Yes,
Grindem A Hardface,the dealers in green
hiaes and tanners’ supplies, in the base¬
ment this side of the docks on Dingy
Row, want an assistant bookkeeper.
Salary small, of course-”
Young Woman (excitedly)—“Never
mind the salary. Giva me a note to the
firm!"— Chicago Tribune.
Both , n Hard Llick
This story opens on the third floor of a
chair t ^ i t0 find won f s t0 express his
undyin hem devotion, haw, and bad already be
f and below! when a voice came
rom the floor
. lyIi6S Candlewick,” it said “I love
h yeu passionately—madly: and a11 dark bid me but
°P e - t’ne colors of my life
w }y change!”
This was a bonanza for the young man
above.
“Miss Clara, darling,” he said, tremu
louslv, “them's my sentiments.”
Then another voice came from below:
“No, Air. Goatee, I cannot bid you
hope; I love another.”
“And them’s mine, Air. Alorris,” re¬
marked Aliss Claia.— Harper's Bazar.
Brains Always Win.
Stranger—“Beg pardon, madam, for
kind calling «“°ugh you to the door, tell but will you that be
to me who
i ignorant, house vulgar, commonplace woman
in the across the way is?”
Airs. Gabb—“That’s Mrs. Stuckup.”
1 0Q me “ ber ber ln tb fuUlre ° name ' s How / af ' aot <tld ,t° suc waste -a a bo time P e '
lpfcKiAr , lessly lornrvrpnt ignorant wnmnn woman get rr*t. nn t.nis this vf»rr very
on
res P e ctable street, I wonder?”
“I'm . sure I don't know. I called on
ber once > but she nem returned it, and
that ended our acquaintance, you may be
sure the odious thing.”
“I should say so. Why, that woman
wouldn’t know a lady fr°m an orang
outang; she wouldn’t know a bright
spoon from a black one. It’s an actual
fact that it isn't five minutes since she
said she had never heard of the Skihigh
silver polish; and when I even went to
the trouble to brighten a spoon for her
she said it looked just the same. Never
saw such ignorance. I suppose you
have always used the Skihigh polish, of
course. You have the bright, cheery,
beautiful appearance of ladies who do,
but perhaps your supply is most out, and
in that case-”
“I believe it is. I’ll take a package.”
“It comes in cans, madam. One
dollar, please. Thanks .”—Philadelphia
Record.
A Dependent Citizen.
The following true story is told of a
well known member of the bar in Alle¬
gany County, New Y’ork, than whom
there never lived a gentlier, kindlier
spirit. With his scholarly attainments
jj and profound ssed the knowledge simple, dependent of legal lore
e p 0sge na
ture of a child, and, it may be added, a
child’s utter guilelessness and /aith in
his kind.
His wife, fortunately for the worldly
success of the marked pair," was shrewd and her
practical in a degree; upon
strong independence heavily, of character Judge
(3 -leaned except within the
domain of his profession, his where, singn- cu
piously enough, and infallible. opinions were In the do
Jarly prompt and social circles, however, he
rnestic
deferred to Mrs. C- in the simplest
matters, and so hahitual had this state
0 f things become that it did not occur
t ° ^ther of them that there was any
thing unusual in it. From donning his
w i D ter flannels to leading a card at the
w hist table he never pretended to act
without “Helen’s” sanction and advice.
But one day he showed his condition
0 f men tal servitude in a really astonish
ing ache, way. He was suffering from tooth
and his wife sent him to the vil
] a ge dentist for relief. Obediently he
went, mouth got into preliminary the chair, and opened his
for the examination,
“Which tooth is it aches, Judge?” in
the dentist, poising the forceps,
There was a moment’s hesitation; then
Judge and sat up from his reclining po
looking innocently at the
said, in all good faith: “Well,
k ”"‘ ™ s °
in idftm.
THE OLD CHURCH.
The Albany (0a.) Fains says: The follow¬
ing lines by an unknown author was found
written on ths crumbling walls of the old
Blandford church o: Petersburg, Va., In
1S41. The church was built in 1735. As far
as the -Veic .5 and Advertiser can leant, tbey
have never appeared in print, but their
beauty The and patbos df serve preservation.
circumstances of their coming to light,
and the fact that they are still anonymous,
reminds one of the beautiful lines found at¬
tached to a skeleton in thfe British Museum,
and which every effort was made to find the
author, without avail:
Thou art crumbling to the dust, old pile
Thou art hastening to thy fall.
And around thee in thy loneliness
Clings the ivy to the wall.
The worshippers are scattered now
Who knelt before thy shrine,
And silence reigns where anthems rose
In days of “Auld Lang Syne.”
And sadly sighs the wandering wind
Where oft in years gone by.
Prayers rose from many hearts to Him,
The highest of the high.
The tramp of many a busy foot
That sought thy aisles is o’er,
And many a weary heart around
Is still—forever more.
How doth ambition’s hope take wing,
How droops the spirit now:
We hear the distant city's din;
The dead are mute below.
The sun that shone upon their paths.
Now guilds their lonely graves;
The zephyr which one fanned their brows
The grass above them waves.
Oh! could we call the many back
Who’ve gathered here in vain—
Who’ve careless roved where we do now,
Who’ll never meet again.
How would our very souls be stirred
To meet the earnest gaze
Of the lovely and the beautiful,
The light of other days. /
P1TII AND POINT.
Cut glass—Glaziers.
Always raising cane—Cuban planters.
Pays in the long run—A successful
play.
Some of the candidates for missions
will get them, while others will get
omissions. —PiXtsLurg Chronivle.
When some men draw up a note they
have to draw it up as small as possible
before any one will take it .—Si tings.
Perhaps the most potential letter of
the alphabet is “n,” because it can make
a man of ma .—Bin hampt-m Republican.
Four hunters fire simultaneously at a
rabbit that keeps on running, and they
ask altogether: “I wonder who missed
that time]
Explorer Stanley has evidently found
himself. He should now tie a string
around his little finger, so as to remem¬
ber where he is .—Roctiest r Post.
The man who conld if be would but won’t
Bsstow on his wife a dime,
Is the man who would if he could but can’t
Get married a second time.
— Time.
The man who was caught carrying
away the planks of the sidewalk for fire¬
wood excused himself on the ground
that his doctor had ordered him to take
a walk every day .—BMon Courier.
Oh, to sit by the stove with
A maiden trim and neat!
Marriage But may be a failure
courtship's hours are sweet!
—Boston Courier.
‘Poor little boy,’’she said sympatheti¬
cally to the one-armed urchin, “Did
you lose your little arm?” “No'm,” he
replied, tearfully, “I picked it up after
the smash-up,and dad,he had it buried.”
— Time.
fond Aspiring of Author—“Of course Miss you Whip- are
perly poetry, Whipperly—“Aly are you not. maid is,
■" Aliss
1 believe; but let us talk of something entries for
serious; tell me all about the
the dog show.”— Life.
THEY COME HIGH.
The roses that bloom in the winter
May be within reach oi the rich,
But they're rather too high for the fellow
Who's neither a wizard nor witch.
—Netc York Journal.
She—“Don’t you think you had bet¬
ter get a shine? Your shoes are very
dingy.” He—“Why, they don’t need
it; they are patent leather.” She—“The
patent must it renewed have expired; .”—London you TiJ-Bits. had bet¬
ter get
“Fortune knocks once at each man’s door.”
Th s we’re inclined to doubt;
Or if she ever knocked at ours ”1
We certainly were out.
—Boston Courier.
The Telocity of Elevators.
Few persons have any idea of tha
speed of an elevator. An ordinary guess
wouldn’t probably come within half a
mile a minute of being right. Some'
elevators run as always slowly as eighty conductor feet a
minute. You ask the
about elevators of this kind, and he tells
you apologetically and that that they’re the old thiDg is
worn in out, that will soon going cake. to
get a new one take the
The average speed of elevators is about
225 feet a minute. This includes or¬
dinary stoppages. The elevators in the
Equitable basement Building have a run building, of 185
feet from to top of
and it takes twenty seconds to make
that run without stops. In a day of
nine hours these elevators run over ten
miles. Ti^e elevators in the ’Western
Union Telegraph BuildiDg, and in Al¬
drich Court are exceedingly lively. They
have developed a speed of 500 feet a
minute. That is going pretty fast. A
person with a weak stomach would be
unwise to ride downin.an elevator mak¬
ing that speed. It would upset bis cal¬
culation ,—New York Press.
Man’s Dual Death.
According kinds to the Medical News, there and
are cellular, two and of death, somatic
both must occur before*
man is completely dead. When the
former takes place without the latter
there is a chance of reviving the patient,
A man has been resuscitated after re¬
mainiDg half an hour at the botton of a
stream. A man who died from Indian
hemp poisoning was recalled to life after
many hours’ hard and apparently hope
less work. These cases of resuscitation
occurred in warm weather or in a warm
room where cellular life might, reasonably
be expected death. to continue The some time is after that
somatic inference
many deaths occur that might be pre
vented by extra work on the part of the
physicians,
Goes off mad—The dog. with hydro
Jffiohis, ______