Newspaper Page Text
THE LINCOLNTON »**♦••* ®Sfct
NEWS
VOLUME VII. NUMBER 28.
The present Cabinet is divided equal¬
ly between the East and the West.
It is said that intempeiancc hat
greatly increased among the Indian:
since they were placed on reservations.
A man in the Indiana Legislature
proposed that the State should investi¬
gate the relation of the ground-hog to
the weather.
In proportion to the population, states
the New York Tribune, there are more
Massachusetts people in the State of
Iowa than in Massachusetts.
A Chinaman at Tsteins ten wa3 so
proud of his large cranium that he com¬
mitted suicide to enable his fellow-mea
to gaze in admiration on his skull.
Australia has just made to a projected
railroad a grant of 16,000,000 acres, or
20,000 acres a mile. The grant, to the
Facilic Railroads in this country
amounted to about 6400 acres a mile.
The greatest number of ex-Presidents
living at any one time was four, in 1825,
when John Qulney Adams was inaugu¬
rated, there then surviving John Adams,
Thomas Jefferson, James Madison and
James Monroe.
Mr. James S. Richardson’s Dahomey
plantation, in Bolivar County, Miss., is
probably the largest farm ot rich land
in a single tract in the world. It con
tains 23,000 acres, and he will this year
plant at least 10.000 acre3 of it in cot
ton.
Says the Times-Democrat: “The farm¬
ers show up well in the Cabinet. Sec¬
retary Rusk is an all over farmer. Sec¬
retary Proctor has the finest flock ol
merinos in Vermont, and Se retary
Tracy has a famous farm where he
breeds trotters."
-rt If 1 igott ,, _ had , not confessed to the
forgery of the Parnell letters, avers the
Atlanta Constitution, the London T m.es
would have made out its case. It had
twenty-one experts waiting to swear
that the letters in question were in Par¬
nell’s handwriting.
An organization has been formed in
Philadelphia having for its object the
training of women in parliamentary
usage and political methods, Some
twenty-six members were present at
their first meeting, representing journal¬
ists, workers in philanthropic move
meats and members of the W. C. T. U.
The practice of carrying firearms is
becoming so common in England that
the magistrates are discussing the best
means for putting a stop to it. There is
a license charge for carrying weapons,
but it is not enforced. It is now pro¬
posed to make every purchaser of a
weapon pay at the same time for a
license.
There is no country in the world where
the science of long life, accompanied
with good health, unimpaired mental
faculties, good digestion, and great ac¬
tivity, is better understood than ir
France, and there, of 1000 persons born.
120 reach the age of seventy, and tin
percentage continues to be high until
eighty-five is past.
A New York jeweler says that some
times when a gold necklace turns black
when it is worn a lady -jumps to the con¬
clusion that it is not genuine. Its turn¬
ing black is no test. If a lady has too
much sulphur, iron, salt, mercury oi
other acids in her blood gold will be
discolored when it comes in contact with
her skin. The trouble is iu the girl,
and not the gold.
The fact that a British vessel of 270
tons has passed through the Panama
canal from A.spinwall to G'hagres, adis
tance of fifteen miles, shows that the
canal is something more than a scratch
on the earth’s surface. It is more reason¬
able to suppose that such an enterprise
will be completed, asserts the Atlanta
Constitution, than it is to believe that i|
will be abandoned.
It pays to write poetry sometimes. An
old lady was so well pleased with Will¬
iam Iloss Wallace's poems in the New
York Ledger that she left him the inter¬
est on $20,000, the principal to go io his
children. But it made the poet un¬
happy, and he spent the remainder
his life trying to break the will. He
wanted the money to use in building a
monument to George Washington.
The Washington Star says that “Ala¬
bama gives nearly one-third of her State
revenue to education—a proportion un
equaled in the Union. Her Legislature
has just increased the appropriation for
educational purposes by $100,000 for new
buildings for the State Agricultural and
Mechanical College. It is a large feathe 1
in Alabama’s cap that this is so, and that
her colored people are getting their sharo
of the schools.”
It is a fact by no means generally
known, states the Commercial Advertiser,
that when the battle between the Moni¬
tor and the Merriraac was fought the Fed¬
eral Government had notyetacecpted the
little ironclad. Governor Griswold, of New
Y’ork, afterward known as the “Monitor
Governor,” was always a warm admirer of
Ericsson’s genius, and it was he who ad¬
vanced the money for the completion of
the boat.
DEVOTED TO THE INTEREST OF LINCOLN COUNTY.
THE TWO MOTHERS.
For fondling arms, warm breast, and life’s
sweet tide
What What rO-.-t dost thou (__, to thy mother make re
turn?
Some madcap girl can win thee from her
side;
Few tears, at best, bast thou above her
urn.
Only to Earth, t’uy mother, art thou just;
'io her thou givest all within thy power,
Thy life, thy breath, thyself,—a pinch of
dust,
To star her bosom with a summer flower.
— E. Wilson, in Atlantic Monthly.
A Female Highwayman.
“Some fifteen or sixteen years ago,”
began the stockman, “my business, at
certain frequently periods of the year, carried me
pretty up and down the road
between Luis tibispo and Soledad, on the
Salinas River, as I had interests to look
after in both neighborhoods. At such
times it was necessary forme to carry,
now and again, considerable sums of
money to pay off hands and do other
tilings connected with my business. Of
course the only way practicable to do
this was either to carry the money on my
person or send it by Wells-r argo. Some
times I did the one, sometimes the other,
1 unknown or though stage that robberies were almost
in section, I thought it as
well not to show my hand, and so some
times simply packed the coin in my sad
die bags or in some of the many ways
known to old-timers, and trusted to my
pistols for protection. Now I iook back
upon it, lam surprised that such a lonely
and almost uninhabited section, as the
country ban Luis Obispo lying between Monterey and
itequeatlj the was then, was not more
scene of such highway
r ° b “ e ^ es as we hear of now. I suppose,
though, had ihe road agents of these days
that more profitable fields to work, and
probably accounted for the im
munity !m ty we we en en oyed. oyed -
“Well, , some time in March, ’71 or ’2,
I forget which, I had occasion to make a
Hip from .i the ...__________
t h°_ neighborhood . _ ...... of Jim Low’s,
as next station south of the Salinas
Crossingat 'oledad is called,to Sau Luis
ibispo ou business, partly to get money
to pay my shearers and others—all that
neighborhood was little better then than
a vast „ ing-ground . , for sheep
gra and
cattle, and .March was one of the busiest
months m the year tor both classes of
stock-raisers, the cattlemen be.ng
?or„. ln bra “ dlI ?o a “ d the sheep-men
very f irequentiy r in shearing. As the
S TZr the “ 0rth - and had
^ abea(i for ot her ranches, it
was necessa.y for me to pay them off in
poin Mexicans—all the sheep-shearers
chccA ayS W fc e J | exlCaDS - do nbt
iikc like checks, even though they kttow they
ire pc fectly good, . u«u>& is xo
gamble off at night what they have
earned during the day, and when
gambling t-hey prefer the -ingle of the
haul cas-h, to say nothing of its con
vemence in measuring the extent of a
stake. I had had about twenty working
lor me for the past-fortnight, and as their
clay earnings aveiagtd some four dollars a
apie e, my pay to them alone footed
like a ^ ousand doliars,
hinrl»r« c»iV 0 , WriS 11 i, d to I ,? the nlcU ee at ® e- d
that abont -
Hftp. ' n nunuied dohars n - would
spr rnr* ti r,cl so a3 1 sa i’« about
“ ;
then ri f\r a 1 1 rcdeinto , Jim Low’s,
, kor 'f t!lere boarded the
'
\ “'bound stage for tan Luis when
" 'bame along.
iwT,,f- iri-' r . 1 ®’,/ Ver t Wers leaiember, ruanin g and pretty high had
we
sr-n fnm'l’™ U m CrOS IOg tlle A
tnn 't .N >i
shffitedLIb i bel i °, W th ° Sand3 , huvin
’ ^
ever, we wh!re got to ^the" chaniedho^es PleTto* 1 Kanch^l
right, we cnangea norses, took took
rl d i,ga "’ . S f i,rted ° n 0ur i0Ur
nv : n however, -
rivr'rtnn,^ river to cross, and ji that was one the Na
cimiento, San Miguel, lying between the Pleito and
after whi. h it. was plain
sailing other clear into Ban Luis. This is an
treacherous tributary of the Salinas, with a
could hear quicksand bottom, which we
the swollen grinding brought omninously under
the waters down from
tened (oast be Range the on the west. I hap
to only passenger in the
stage that trip, and while the driver and
myself were diseussing the feasibility of
risking the passage, a mau, whom I re
cognized as a rancher who lived close by,
rode up and ad iscd us uot to try it, as
h s own wagon had been nearly carried
down the stream that morning, saying at
the same time, that if we cared to, we
could pui, up at his place all night. As
the past two days had been clear, there
wouul was every down probability that the freshet
go before morning, and
ter a brief consultation we concluded to
«°W •We shall have to pay, though,’said
the driver, sotto voice, with a wink, as
he turned his leaders from the bank;
‘and pretty roundly, too—mind that,
Old Williams is a hard one. I've got
stal ed here once or twice before,and the
comp’uy gave me Jesse for it, you bet.
Its just fun for the old man to ketch
the stage in a tight place. Did ye note
how he was lavin’for us as we come up?
lhe rivers too high, though, this trip
‘° f<) ?‘ wnh, an’ I ain t agoin’to risk
my life for lio comp’ny, leastwise not
lor no sich wages as I’m gettin’,’ and
with a vicious c aek of his whip to the
off leader, he turned into the yard where
our host was awaiting us.
1 wasn t surprised at the caustic re
marks of the driver, as old IViliiams’s
parsimony was the talk of the country
side, although rumor had it that he was
worth many thousand dollars in cash,
besides herds of catt e in the foot-hills
and roaming along the Salinas.
“We passed the time as bed we could
till supper was called, when we went in
and were received by our host’s wife, a
woman of about %ty years of age, who
had meanwhue been doing the cooking
m the kit hen. lhe meal was really a
good one, plentiful in every respect and
^ 10 faC > ! han were
usually served at the wayside taverns of
that day, though these, too, were gener
ally good. This, I considered, argued
well for the hospitality and good dis
p’bsitionof husband’s Mrs. Williams, whatever her
character might be. Her con
versation and demeanor, too, were
courteous and pleasant, though ono
could see by her face she was a woman
of determined character i
however that she sa d littm t
man afrK who seem-'to be I thought herfance' a litt)« ■
her and to avoid
r acccEfl ' ve wo shown the
«io»nw sleej u ommodatioa . j which con
0 ,
LINCOLNTON, GEORGIA, FRIDAY, MAY IT, 1889 .
silted the second of a single apartment, or loft on
story of the house, directly
under the roof. At each side of the
room, at intervals of about four feet,
all, were for gpread old fiix camp bedSi twd ve in
Williams’s ranch had been
the supper stopping-place of the up
stage some years before, until his in
ordinate charges caused the stage
company to remove its patronage to
Pleito Ranch, and sleeping accommoda
tions had been provided for such passen
gers as might not feel inclined to travel
chance through the night, as might well a3 find for them- such
wayfarers as
selves tb.e stopped, like by ourselves, the during
rainy leason a rise in river,
As we had our pick of the beds, I chose
mine at the end of the left furtkerest
from the door, and as 1 had been up very
early that morning about nightfall I
turned in and was presently fast asleep,
“I am anything but a heavy sleeper,
however, and cannot have slept long be
fore I was awakened by a sound that
might best be described as a cross be
tween a hog’s grunt and a nutmet-grater
in violent action. As there was nobody
else in the room but .,im, the stage
driver, I at once comprehended that the
obnoxious noisa emanated from him. I
sleep, am peculiarly sensative in the matter of
and once aroused, find it very
difficult to resume slumber unless the
cause of the interruption is removed.
laboriously Jim, however, kept stertorously and
on. and I knew that there
was na alternative but to grin and bear
it, unless I got up and shook him, and
knowing and that he was a very tired man
of somewhat qujck temper to boot,
I preferred to wait till nature came to
the rescue. After about a quarter of an
hour Jim gave a sti.ed gasp, turned over
on his side, and relapsed into silence,
Then with a feeling of relief I again
composed myself to slumber.
“But it was not to be. Thought kept
of chasing thought through the corridors
my brain. My fancy became more
vivid, my senses more acute, through the
surcharged vessels of the head due to a
recumbent posture. Then Then I I became became
aware that some persons were talking
quite close by, and as I was sleeping on
the bed next what I* originally thought
_ ______ ______ ____ o
was ........ the wall of the house right,
on my
I ^ as at first puzzled to maxe it out. I
quickly came to the conclusion, however,
that the wall near me must be a partition
'wall—the hou-e was a plain board one,
and as the voices were male and female
I reasoned that they must proceed from
the iamily bedroom of Mr. and Sirs,
Williams.
“' Marthy,’said a voice which I at
iams, once recognized ‘I as that of old man Will
tell you I kaint afford it. You’ll
ru n me with your extravagances. What
with your house bills, affi your drfas
bills, an’ your 'to gallivantin’ about, an’
should your trips town, I’m thing. s’prised you
dreatu of such a Hve
hundred dollars for a trip to Frisco!
Why, be *
you must crazv \ %
“‘It’s voice? you inTcornf^d that’s crazv’ mnef replied the
female ‘it’s six
years since I’ve been to anywheres but
8an Luis. Do you think I’m goin’to
toil an’ slave to make money for you
all rav life, an’ get no good out of it? I
put my foot right down here ah’say I
won’t. I’m ago.h’to’Fr.Sco tb spend a
month wiih my Sister, an’ I’m there,’you not a^oiu’
to be laughed at when I get
can do ! lars just bet your life. Five hundred
aa ’ B0t a cent less. Why, I
han’t got a rag fit to lie seen in—hain’t
had these six years, and I don’t propose
to stand it no longer.’
“ ‘But who’s agoin’ to take charge of
the ranch, Marthy, when we’re both
awayqueried ‘it’ll the o.d man, querulously;
go to rack an’ruin, sure.’
Jeffreys “‘Why, wouldn't Mr. and Mrs.
be glad to come? Hain’t I asked
them - a “’ haiD ’ 1 (ll =y said so? An’ hain’t
Im* S °? ^ V “ d ^ d T ®., h ^ °,! P >e “’ aa !
Mhat’re ye talkin’about;’disdainfully
^joined the female voice.
‘“I see it all, Marthy,- rejoined old
man Williams; the ‘ it’s all beca’se I’ve got
to go to bay bfzness that you want to knoW too
But mine’s an’ you it.
Ther ain’t no’arthlv use of you look coin’
’cept to spend money Now
a-here, Marthv, there’s four hundred
dollars, as you know,nes’ry to meet that
little bill o’Baxter’s for that last bit o’
land. My stagin’ back an’ forrud. twen
tv-tive dollars each way—that’s iifty.
Two days in town, two dollars_kain’t
doit a cent less’cept Baxter treats—
them cities is orful ’xpensive. Now
there’s four hundred an’fifty-two dol
lars got to be paid. Au’ vou want five
hundred more for nothin’ at allHere
the old man groaned as if his heart
would break.
“‘Nothin’or no nothin’,’replied Mrs.
Williams, decisively, ‘I’m goin’ to hev
it. Don’t you forget that.’
‘“Well, well, Marthy,’ said the old
man, after a pause, in what was evi
dentiy meant for a soothing and mollify.
ing wh'at key, ‘you was alius a Them‘banks good gal. I’ll
see kin be done. in
San Luis is orful close, tho gh. Y'ou
mustn’t “‘Don't ’spect too much.’
joined his g,ve none o’your games,’re
better half, sternlv; ‘vou tried
that once afore, an’if you go for to try
it agin, you’ll try it once too often. Mind
what I’m a-tellin’ye.*
“After this the voices cc-ascd, and as
thesnoring managed had also cea«ed ’ at last I
to fall asleep. -
“‘Next morning we found the river
had gone down accord ng to expecta
tion, and alter naying our bills tor man
and horse—which were cer’a nlv nrectv da/
steep—we resumed our J lournev at
break, supplemented, however bv
another passenger in the 1 person of o’d ‘
man Williams.
“‘No foolin’ now Si the\ard ’ shouted his
dame as we drove out of J • ‘five
hundred nothin’.’ ’
or
spoustf “‘Ave ave back'£mor7er ' a-thr ’ rpnbVd S’n.S- hor
Vllue
“Well, w-e <rot into San noonmking^- 1 uis without
further mBhapabout
tra horses at. Santa Margarita to get us
over the hill and make up for lost time,
In order not to delay the passengers who
had arrived from Santa Barbara and
southern points the night before, it was
decided that as we had lost half a div
ihe same coursl stape would start on Ds retnrn
trip in of an hour As the mone/ onlv
business I had to do was to dmw
I was perfectlv readv / to start snmi
afternoon ’While was in the bank
getting afso the coin old Williams came in
and made out a d-ifr and^nur I was a
little curious curious as as to to the me amount amount ana pur
{? 0Sely ^ UD 8 aro ?^ ‘° ! ee w hst was l' aid
?• U ' } J c0 J ! f p ° ed UI t ) lat , tfty counted tW °
'
doRars
“At ono o’clock we left San Luis,
again taking extra horses to see us over
the hill. There were now fourpassen
gers, old Williams, a well-known land
owner in Santa Barbara, bow deceased.
a drummer and myself. As the weathet
wa, cold, we ait got inside the coach
and enlivened the tedium of the route as
well a3 we could in the various ways
known to old stagers. By the time we
got to San approached Migeul it was the quite N&c.miento dark,
and as we
River, about an hour afterward, I no¬
ticed that old Williams's trepidation,
which had been noticeable for some
time past, became more apparent than
ever. As the horses further plashed bank, out of the
stream upon the I re
marked that the old man bad retired
into the furthest corner of the coach,
had muiiied his head in a traveling rug,
and was snoring heavily,
“As soon as we gained and firm ground
the driver whipped approach up the oldWil- stage
bowled past the to
liams’s house at a lively pace. Not,
however, before a female figure, in
whom by the coach lantern I recognized
Mrs. W iliams, had looked into the stage
and detected her recreant spouse, muf
fled up as he was, in the corner.
“‘I saw ye, Si,” she shouted after us,
as we bowled along; ‘ye can’t fool me.
I thought ye’d try to play me, you old
fraud, but wait a bit-’ the rest of ber
speech was lost in the distance.
“From the Nacimiento Crossing to the
Pleito Ranch is some ten mties, and here
the north-bound stage in these days al
ways stopped to change horses and let
the passengers eat supper. Half an
hour afterward we resumed oar ournev.
We began to get livelier under the influ
ence of the good cheer to which we had
done ample justice. The Colonel from
Santa Barbara was particularly enter
taming. The drummer’s best jokes cir
culated freeiy, and even old Williams
joined in the geneialexhilarat on, when,
all of a sudden, the coach drew up with
jerk which nearly threw us out of our
seats, and the familiar muzle of a
double-barreled shot-gun was shoved
in at the window.
‘“Never “ ‘Never mind mind tbrowin’ throwin' down down the the box, box,
Jim,'shouted a voice, which I fancied Ihad
heard before; ‘that ain’t what I'm after,
inside, Come, pile ______________ out on the road, t you galoots
old man,’ an’ be continued quick about the voice, it. ironi- Waxe
up,
t who ally, had evidently addressing half dead old with Williams,
shrunk terroi
into his corner.
“It is needless to say we obeyed the in
junction with alacrity. People alwan
do under such circumstances. But who
shall depict our astonishment when we
saw that this daring road-agent who had
stopped us was a womfc, and still more
to iny surprise I saw that it was neitheJ
more nor less than Mrs. Williams.
“‘Hold up yer bands, gents.’said our
captor, quietly; ‘tam’t you as I’m after,
It’s you, ye good-for-nothing nincom
poop.’she ontinued. addressing her hus
band as she covered him with the shot
sun. ‘Jest shell out th-it money ye got
to-day if at the bank—all—every ^ cent ol
“With trembling hand old Wiliams
drew from his breast an old leathern
po.ketbook and handed it to his spouse,
who opened it and g anced at the con
still keeping the shotgun leveled
in our direction.
“ ‘Four hundred an’ fifty-two dollars,'
she said, slowly, after a careful scrutiny:
‘I thought so. Si, ye’re ;orty eight dol
lars short. Ham’t ye got no more?
“ ‘Not a cent, Marthy,’ returned the
terror-stricken man, ‘as God’s my wit
ness.’
“ ‘Well, ye kin borrow it off some o'
them gents. They know ye're good foi
it,’returned his oodurate spouse.
“The whole situation was so ludi
crous that we other three passengers and
the driver hurst into a roar of
I immediately reached for my purse, but
Colonel was before me, and with «
ii ms- I he woman accepted it ’ with te ."^T th«
utmost gravity, and took from it two
twentie •, a five, and three dollars in
rer.
“‘This,’she said, solemnly, as she re
turned the purse, ‘is a loan to the old
man. Never fear. He’ll pay. I’ll mak«
h’ lnl * Kow, Si, 1 she continued, turning
to her husband, you’ll find mv liosi !
tethered over thar. Git on his baek an' i
go to San Luis for more money. i’n
goin’to’Frisco objections. in this yer stage, if then
gents has no I’ll meet yot
up thar.’
“We, gallantly, simultaneously had”
unanimously assured her we none.
Two minutes afterward we were bowl
iag along merrily again as if nothius
had happened. Mrs. Williams was tht
Don or rather the lioness, of that trio.
She had. of course, mounted on horse
back after the stage passed the ranch,
with the intention of overiaking u.
while we were tak.ug supper at tht
Pleito, which she did with the above r>
suit*
“None of us, 1 think, ever gave th«
business away, not even the Colonel,
though he relished the oke hugely,
.
Few people ca-e to confess that thej
have been stood up by a woman, and,
though I have told you the story, I trust
to your honor that you will not mentioi
my name .”—San Francisco Argonaut.
.. . , ____ __
r) ; * r!ti ,
There are no official records of thi
population of Chinese cities, and gnesse!
at the number of their inhabitants must
depend on the guesser. Canton is “esti
mated” to have 1,1:00,000 inhabitants,
Twenty years ago it had 1,250,000.
Pekin. in 18.0, had an “esti
mated” population of 1,500,000; now
it has one (also estimatedi of 1,000,000.
The probability is that the Iargesl
Chinese city hasn’t more than two
tbirds of its "estimated" poDulation.
The city of London, which is “i ondou
^‘ce’nsus proper,” has a population, of’ according *b, te
of 18ri, 50,652.
fdomerarion great aggregate of houses and
%t people which we call
Condon contains, included in the metro
politan and the city police districts, a
population of 4,706,661.
---------
Vlclons Position of Wisdom Teeth.
Mr , r n- Te . .Bristol Penn at
‘ / ne ? on ;
t? ., ! he oth age P ud °f e i' d fty otl t L. bS z r ° “ vlor^thp J "*'wisdom 8
J 0 I', noretha,1 " p n t y ^ Wh
-
ad ,ee “ a S nr®
*® t D S ue ,n neck „nd dsewhere
>. . d
,r ° SS ’ 1
cases tion of under the wisdom the ^adot h»» tooth.” 1 nf vicious Mr. Terne- post
son says his tooth was more than vicious
—it was outrageous.— Atlanta ConstUu•
«<>»•
Texas is now the largest wool-pro
duc'mg State in the Union.
BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM
VARIOUS SOURCES.
Why He Did Not Marry—When
Women Hold Office—A Maid¬
en’s Artifice — Tools He
Could Use, Etc., Etc.
“Your daughter’s hand, dear sir, I ask,”
Tlia bashful swain maile bold to sav.
“Her own consent, already given,
Gladdens my heart from day to day.”
“And what,” the parent stem'y said,
“Are prospects, that you claim as yours,
Exalting Above you, an l whom you we i,
the realm of household chores!”
“I’ve fifteen dollars in my inside pocket,
week Jar**-as pay.”
•If that is al), papa replied,
“Y'oung man, adieu, farewell, good day.”
W. H. Jones, in New York sun.
When Women Hold Office.
Female Sheriff —“Is your nusband at
home?”
do Wifefsuspiciouslv)_“He is not. What
you want of him?”
“I have an attachment for him.”
“You ha e! Why you bold thin" ' ”
" =
Siftings.
_____
A Maiden's Artiflc°. j
, ,, ul , , .... ’Algernon, parka
‘ “ in
men . ai 7 u a R e what does the presiding
= '>
0 T cer sa ? when a matter is put to rote.
i nsuspectmg Algernon ‘Are you
reaa ? tor ”12 question
... T ? “•[ff _ - yes, Algernon, I
i am. —Burlington l ret Peat.
~
Tools _ He „ C ould Use.
Mrs. Softheart—“Henry, there is a
poor, disconso ate looking tramp at the
door who wants to earn a dinner. He
say* he has been an artist on the daily
press.” "
Mr- Mr. Softheart—“Very coftheart—“very well, well. Give
am the hatchet and let him smash up
that kindling wood.”— Burlington Free
Press.
Freedom of Speech
“May I catch your ear for a moment?”
mid the audacious thef as he grabbed
the lady's earring.
“ ertainlv ” interruoted the Dolice
mau “and the freedom you take em
braces the Welkin. m-iviWes of mv J emh ' ' ”
—Jeweler,'
__
Money in Literature.
Publisher—“Oh ve« indeed Mr.nev
„ a be made in literature l^e Whv sir
i ce ver saw women more luxurioush
than toor Miss Braddon TsadTv“R-e and M ; ss Mu'och Tl
Author s hut
firS married their P publishers "—Phil-i
*
Poor Ph.losophy.
Ancient Actor (regretfully) — “Well,
Walter, who would think that we should
ever come to this!”
Walter ian old pal)—‘Nothing un
natural, old is.low. We played to poor
houses all our lives, so why regret res;a
m S ‘ or and tmal y dymg tuone: ’
—■ xVe “ tork Sun.
He Preferred D the Extra Expense.
Fond Mother—“Really, Charles, Ame
lia’s voice must be cultivated. If we
keep her at home it can be done for
about f i00. If we send her abroad it
will cost $10,000. Which would you
'
prefer?” Unfeeling “Send her abroad.”
Father—
—Burlington Free Press.
-
Did He Go?
Eavnor-“Chokeband, whv don’t you
come around and join our club?
*, ad chLeb^d-T invitetinno onnnoh ”
af °^ i^electual know i’ but
afr *! d an I n? affair ”
__j nr Ldl ’ B 0 ’, n v \ 0
™^ , , °/ t £[ - the , Iea,t
r ' ce la ’'
J ritngton Fre e Pres,.
a . s sumcient . . ,, ncason.
Brown—“Hello, Robinson, I_ thought
?9 U were taking in the musicale to*
night!” i.obinson-—*T left there.”
just
Brown—“Mkat made you leave so
early;”
Robinson—“A sixteen-year-old young
mau trying to sing‘Larboard Match,
Ahoy.’ "—Epoch.
----
Would Take His Chances.
Hungry Tramp-“Madam, something eat.” will you
please give me to
La dv of the House--'Weil, here’s a
mince pie. But I'm afraid to have vou
e at it. The cook isn’t sure that’she
didn’t use rough on rats by m stake, and
1 was just going to put it in the stove.”
“So. Femme have it. I’ve eaten
mince pie and lived, and I’ll take my
'
chances on rough on rats.” .
___
An Economical Scheme.
“Isn't that * a new doe = you’ve ° e 0 t
Brown '”
time”’ .. le3 T> ve oa T v had him a short
'
“just be in exoense to keen a bi" =
. n ;mal like that?’’
“No l bought him ourelv for cconomi
, ”r turn h ; m’ loose in the
L Tard at e ght o'clock and vou would be
rDri fas"and se-u» learn how much he saves me
t n S ‘ coa " 1 ”— Eve h
___
Western Lire
, r ll „ w;.-,. ”.' L .i Kpm life'and \Vn 4 t ,q,j P ‘T
out , mere a e ft ,i, ,f ‘ enerr»v 'Si>
sui ' p °^ n UKS ,„ Vp 1 , ’ t ndpP d- ’ thev 7 have
t0 . ,7®', y ,,
..fllTn “cold’' L wekther I mst tell
£«’ d“ where ttomoieS £
tw e ntv rees below scutt^ zero have tc keep
on a rush wiih coal or freeze ”
’
\K Weekh 1
'
sUortenin- T V, the ®.,V nTurs ol Labor.
“What’s the matter with that does , , of .
yours! \Y hen I came m it was only ten
ra ! nu J es and j now ll i* almost twenty
mmutes ahead of my watch.
b ° y ’ ' uaderstaud . ’
lt ? th ,! r ift’, ou kn ,°!' V- ■
YVhatsahthe •
wK rage.
“Why, shorter hours for labor, my
boy. / I’ve hour got that fifty clock minutes. so t at it; You can
m ke an in
den’t know how it has ameliorated my
condition, my boy ."-Boston Transcript.
Accurately Expressed.
“This is a fearful existeuce oi mine.”
said a barber to a traveling man who wai
one of his regular customers.
“Don’t you like it ?”
“Well, I should say not. This thing
of fixing up old white headed men to
look like youths of twenty or twenty-one
is getting miserably monotonous."
tired “Why, you tatk ” like a man who was
of living.
“No: that does not quite express it;
I’m tired of dye-ing.”— Merchant Trav¬
eler.
A Watch Case.
the Police charge Judge (to officer)—“What is
against this prisoner?”
jeweler’s Officer—“Smashing store.” a window in a
Judge—“What did he get?”
Officer—“A watch, sir.”
Judge—“Then it is a watch case.”
Officer ("surprisedj—“Yes filled, sir. He was
pretty will your Honor, when I
a D“ \ ’
eil as a tilled , case is not
$ ^*orth so muen as solid goods, we'll give
h ! m about *10.”— Jiv:.levs' Weekly.
A Conscientious Girl.
, Tiey were sitting by the seaside in
5 ca:m light hour and Penelope, a
soit Boston g rl, felt her being diffused
wrh tne tender emotions of thehour and
scene and company.
Suddenly she leaned too far forward
alid *^ s P as ^* :n S waves received her
graceful form. only
seize Clarence her hair. was quick enough to
“Will it hold, dearest? It is your
own:’ he a; ;ed.
“Ah,Clarence,” and the lustrous eyes
gazed up at h;m with a rapt expression,
“I cannot tel! a Re; the bid has not yet
been presented.” Epoch.
A Serious Affair.
Clara—“ h, mother, we had such fun
at the party: Young bmith proposed
that he and I should go through a mock
marriage ceremony—ust m'fun, you
, Know: and it was too funny for anything
Afterward, a -----^ sornc of the o.der people ..
’' ho hoheard heard of it said we were really mar
ried; but we’re nor, are we?”
side, Doting Mother—“Of course not. Be
young -mith couldn't support a
° h u 1 th ff - , T Xt , * the !
’
other smith from Gold City, the one
wao owns a bonanza mine, you know.” !
‘‘ Eh; Tba ’- My dear, a mar
r;age like that before witnesses is bind
iag.’—-Yew York Weekly.
_
She Lived on the Beautiful. _
love aU that ls beautiful in an and
n f ure ’” sh * was saying to her testhetic
adtnirer i I revel m the green fields, the j
baflfclm S brooks and the little wayside ;
Sowers; I feast on the beauties of earth
aa d skv and air; they are my daily life
and fooa. and—” ,
‘Olaud'e. ’cried out the mother from
T '“ e kitchen, not knowing that her
daughter’s beau was in the parlor,
“Maude, whatever made you go and eat
that big dish of potatoes that was left
over them from warmed dinner? for I told you I we declare wanted if |
isn’t supper. enough bankrupt
your appetite to
your pa.” !
i
-
Shermans Regard for the Dogs. :
General Sherman was once a patient
cf tlle !a:e Dr . Bliss. The doctor had
been treating him for some time and had
given him several different kinds of
medicine, when one day, on making his ]
regular ^‘Doctor, call, the General said to him;
I don’t seem to be getting
any better for all your med cine.” ;
“Well, General,” replied the doctor, I
jocosely, “perhaps you had better take
Shake-peare’s advice, and throw physic
to the dog,.”
man, ^ as w he "' jld turned - d^tor,” h:s head replied on the the P flow; sick
“I would but there are a number of
valuable dogs in the kill neighborhood, and
I don't want to ’em
doxhii * Becerd. |
__
The Rules Didn’t “ Work.
^ 1S * ^oungwife— . *ch, dear, , lit
never believe a word these horrid news
papers say asam.”
Mother— ‘Whj wnats the mau.erf .
,
horr . **\ to es£er keep aay a ^ husoana read aa just article as ae^o^ea about
a. he was when a lover. It said you must
keep your temper, attend conscientiously
to .ne kuc^ea ana pantry, see na. u
ciotmng » in gooa order, nave pie ty
suniignt m iue nouse anr m ne near ,
aou * botnsr mm a a goi p* -
o. amusemen. w lien ne is ti.ea, keep no
seekTu curf-oaners him' avoidfnends X
w-m'd onlv " bore adv\?e and d-ess well ”
“ ”
v,im’i‘ vhr « «« If aot
, T r A d W amcd a lot ° of new
W'-’ a nd he & vot mad rW ' ' »
T
_ __
« lawyer’s 3 Int ', Pnnil
In days gone by few Southern lawyers
were more distinguished day than J uther
Martin. He was one riaiug to
Annapolis in a stage coach, when his
only companion—a young man who had
just been admitted to the bar—address
ing him said:
Martin, you have been wonder
fuliy sue essfnl in acquaint your profession. with Are the
>' ou willing to success.” me
secret of your
“ Jt you will pay my expenses during
the few days that 1 shall remain in
Annapolis.” “1 the earnest ; !
: will,” was Deny response. everything
! and “It insist is this, advice: proof.”
upon Mr. Martin oyed all
At Annapoiis fine hotel en could fur
the luxuries that a
nish. regardless of expense, and, when
the time for his departure arrived, passed
the “bdl’-of eno; mens who proportions- standing
to the young lawyer was
! ’ e f', The retUrDPd latter merely glanced at it,
and theQ * to Mr ' Mar tl “’
.," Aren , , ' ? ou g01DS , t0 pay lt! f iir „ '
Martin asked
j “Ray what?”
I l‘ ThlS blU ’ P r ° m ' S ® -°
def . ay my expenses while I T was in
Annapolis?” dear quiet reply,
8 ; r .” was the
..j deny everything and insst upon
p oof.”
The eminent lawyer paid his bill, and
laughingly said to the-young counsel man: from
“You need no further
^-Atlanta Constitution.
-—-
There wero 18,353 patonts issued at
Washington last year.
The artillery strength of Turkey has
been greatly increased.
Sntrariptioa: $1.15 In linnet.
SPRING.
There’s something in the air
That’s new and sweet and rar*
A scent of summer things,
* A whirr if
as of wings.
There’s something too that new
In the color of the blue
That’s in the morning sky
Before the sun is high.
And though on plain and hill,
’Tis winter, winter still.
There’s something seems to say
That winter's had its day.
And all this changing tint,
This whispering stir, and hint
Of bud and bloom and wing,
Is the coming of the spriDg.
And to-morrow or to-day
The brooks will break away
From their icy, frozen sleep,
And run and laugh and leap.
And the next thing, in the woods,
The catkins in their hoods
Of fur and silk will stand,
A sturdy little band.
And the tassels soft and fine
Of the hazel will untwine.
And the elder branches snow .
Their buds against the snow.
So, silentiy but swift,
Above the winter drift,
The long days gain and gain,
Until on hill and plain.
Once more and yet once more
Returning as before
We see the bloom of birth
Make young again the earth.
—.V ora Perry, in Youth's Companion.
PITH AND POINT.
A capital skylight—The moon.
Man is eigatv per ^ cent, water. That
is whv 3 bo:1 mak 3 h m hot.
. . and , dogs , ;S sure , y n ^
naming than hailing ca_is strangers.
worse
A dentist refers to his collection of
extiactcd teeth as gum drops.
Before slates were in use people multi
P 1:ed on the sur!aee of lhe eartd -
A boy who stole a copper cant.
Is—as he should be—penny-tent.
—Merchant Traveler.
S otiand was once called Pictland, but
the land worth having was picked long
ago.— Uptime.
There is a man in Chicago who be
c;jmgs red headed whenever he is angry.
He is entheiy bald.—A«» York Tribune.
Oii, my love is like a red, red rose
In the winter o’ the year;
Ar.d that, as every lover knows,
is very, very dear.
Mrs. Tibbs— ^ Ju»t tmnk; tnat aia
mond that Mrs. Jibbs wears used to be
long to a hideous idol in Japan.” Mrs.
-nibbs—“Well, it hasn t improved its
setting much.
A young Went .’ady who aspired to fame as a
musician one aav to ubinstein for
adv ice. She ulaved "for him and then
asked: “What shall I do?” “Get mar
ried.” was the reply.
Augustus Doody (to chambermaid —
“Aw—aw—I’m tired of boarding—aw.
I’m looking for a flat.” Chambermaid—
“in did ye have to lave home to find
wan.”— Texas bright Sittings.
a sunbeam so from the heavens did
stray
And got lost on the earth—so the story
l^okssay.
' v MerchJitTraveler.
“Mr r said ^ she ’rv “do “oo^s von exnect me a
' the d emporium to
mar rT 4 a’common c'lerk?” “I am not a
com a clerkt ’- he answered; “lam
mmS““Iamthne” « •’ Ml into his arms and
I am thme.
Aiaimed Mother—“Why, my daugh
fer, weeping. What’s the matter;"
daughter (bride of a monthi-“I-I
have been shopping, or trying to.”
Alarmed Mother—“Well?” Daughter-
“I find my husband has always paid cash
and hasn’t any credit anywhere.”
“No thoroughly “was'ever occupied man,” saya
£ an( j oa# i yet very miserable.”
j anc on ever removed a tight
p 00 t in church, he would have felt about
as miserable as they make 'em, while he
was thoroughly occupied, about ten
m j au tes before benediction, wondering
jj 0W jj e was evpr going to get that boot
on again without slitting it from preface
to thus .—Morristown Iltrcild.
A White House Comedy.
Baby Me a ee, the little grandson ol
President Harrison, has been creating a
sensation at the White House, not be
cause of any desire to make mischief,
it should be said, but simply because of
his inexperience in public affairs. As
has been repeatedly announced in the
newspapers, the President of the United
States is fond of Baby McKee and Baby
McKee is fond of the president of the
United States. These profound senti
meats of distinguished consideration
being fully reciprocated. Baby JlcKce is
allowed more U berries about the head of
this Government than the ordinary orhee
seeker, or even a member of the Cabinet,
among which may be included the
privilege of entering the library of the
President at all times and wandering
about at his own sweet will, and for this
reason it happened. There are on the
desk of the President—the desk pre
*ented him by t ueen Victoria and made
out of the timbers of the sli p Resolute 1
,
which broughtfrom the Arctics the re
mains of the Sir -lohn r ranklin Expedi
tiou—a series of ivory keys which con
nect with electric bells in different summon part?
of the building, so that he can
his Secretaries and attendants at any
, ime . Oneof these keyscalls the Private
Secretary, another the Executive Secre
tary, and the rest the telegraph telephone opera
tor, the stenographer the
man, the messenger, the door-keeper and
*? on Ar >d all of thes ?°” C ers ’.™ fac
’
almost every member of the o A cial stall s .
at the White House, rushed into the
President’s room in frantic haste on a
recent afternoon, not knowing wliethei
the President had been assassinated oi
no t, but suspecting that the worst had
happened because of the vioieut and con
tinued ringing of these bells. But it
was only baby McKee, who had
new nC ' nlavthintr — Cihi aao News *
A man is rarely found who kicks when
his name is misspelled notable in the exception police court
reports, This is n to
tbe rule.