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THE LINCOLNTON NEWS
VOLUME VII. NUMBER 41.
The Spanish Miniiter of the ColonieB
.
bas announced that Cuba is not for sale.
The population of Ireland has declined
nfce per cent since 1881, and about one
half since 1841,
Nearly 22,000,000 acres of our land
are owned by men who owe allegiance to
other governments.
England has it in mind to propose an
International conference to decide whether
Behring Sea is an open or closed sea.
> The Chicago Sun declares that “the
progress made in some Southern towns
reads more like a fairy tale than fact.”
Canon Wilberforce, one of the most
distinguished divines in England, attrib¬
utes the recent recovery of his health to
the “faith cuie,”
Russia has readopted the law which
forbids heirs to the throne contracting
marriages with persons not members of
the orthodox Greek Church.
The San Francisco Chronicle thinks
that many of the Indian reservations are
entirely out of proportion to the beggarly
collection of savages that roam over them.
A Government report published recent¬
ly, gives the mineral output of the United
States for the year at considerably more
than $500,000,000, placing it far ahead
of any other country in the world.
The many complications in Europe,
growing out of desire for more territory
and other causes, have created shrinkages
in stocks, the moneyed men believing
that wars are fairly sure to be the result.
In a short time, predicts GoodalVs Sun ,
the Sioux lands will be opened up to im¬
poverished immigrants. There were not
enough homesteads to go around in Okla¬
homa, but the Sioux reservation is five
times the area of Oklahoma.
The value of property is decreasing it
parts of England. A Cambridgeshire
farm of 202 acres, which a few years ago
was purchased for $50,000, and has since
had $15,000 spent upon the homestead,
has just changed hands at Wisbech foi
the sum of $19,250.
; If Chicago has really solved the smoke
nuisance, as is claimed, she will have
won, observes the New York Voice, the
lasting gratitude of the civilized world.
The Wisconsin Central is trying on its
engines a new smoke-burner which seems
to work satisfactorily.
i Ten years ago there were twenty-two
railroads which could not interchange
cars owing to the gauge. Now all are
alike, and cars owned in Maine are seen
slipping over the rails in Texas. The
railroad system of the United States is
declared to be as perfect as a system can
be made.
i A resident of Seattle, Washington Ter¬
ritory, which was recently destroyed by
fire, offers to give $20,000 toward a new
town hall if they will rename the place.
He suggests Edinburg, but is not particu¬
lar if they call it Smith City. Anything
but Seattle, which is the Indian name for
dry bones.
' Russia is passing through another epi¬
demic of terror. The Czar dares not
trust himself to the people; the people
look with suspicion on every officer of the
Czar. Dynamite bombs are found in the
' most unexpected places. The prisons
are full to overflowing, and the Siberian
road more crowded than ever.
! Observes the New York Commercial
Advertiser: “When Cardinal Gibbons,
the other day, in Baltimore, ordained as
priest Charles Randolph Uncles, a
colored man, » step was taken which is
likely to mark gn epoch in the religious
history of that race, Uncles is the first
colored man ever elevated to the Roman
Catholic priesthood in this country.”
The city of Buenos Ayres, in the Ar¬
gentine Republic, has expended during
the last six years $10,000,000 in con¬
structing sixty magnificent school build¬
ings for 600 pupils each. These school
houses are the finest buildings in the city,
and a collective exhibit of them has made
a sensation at the Paris Exposition. The
Argentine Republic is now, after the
United States, the country which spends
most, in proportion to population, for
education.
Before the war the high-water mark in
cotton was 5,300,000 bales. The crop
of last year is not yet entirely out of the
hands of the planters, but those whose
business attention is absorbed by the
staple place it at 7,400,000 bales, an in¬
crease' of 300,000 over the year pre
ceding. TMs season, with average
weather, it will be 8,000,000 bales,
worth nearly four hundred million dol¬
lars, or five times the value of all the
gold and silver produced in the United
States in one year. •
DEVOTED TO THE INTEREST OF LINCOLN COUNTY.
griefs.
The rains of winter scourged the weald,
For days they darkened on the field;
Now, where the wings of winter beat,
The poppies ripple in the wheat.
And pitiless griefs came thick and fast—
Life’s bough was naked in the blast—
Till silently amid the gloom
They blew the wintry heart to bloom.
—Charles E. Markham ., in Scribner.
JOHN. . 4
“Do you need a man to work about
your place, sir?”
Judge Parker looked up from his law
books and papers to the questioner, a
stalwart man, about thirty years of age,
poor, but genteel, in appearance, and re¬
spectful in manner and speech.
“Take a chair,’’saidthe Judge, polite¬
ly, motioning to one near him.
“No, thank you, sir; I prefer to stand,
if you please. The door was open and I
made bold to walk in. I knocked several
times on the door frame, but you didn’t
hear me. I came just to ask if you need
a man to do any sort of work about your
place? If you do not, I’ll not take up
any more of your time, as I see you’re
busy. But I hope you do, sir; I need
work badly.”
“You are a stranger in Pixley, are you
not?” asked the Judge, leaning back in
his chair.
“Partly so. I lived here years ago.”
“Your name?”
“John.”
“Your surname?”
‘ ‘I would like you to call me just John,
sir, if you please?”
“Don’t you know, my man, that with¬
holding your name is not a good recom¬
mendation, and very likely to make an
unfavorable impression?”
“I know it, sir, but if you’ll only try
me, I think you’ll find that my faithful
ness and desire to do everything right
will make up for the rest of my name.”
Something about the man’s bearing
and appearance strongly impressed Judge
Parker, inspiring a desire to know more
of him, and he said:
“Well, I’ll tell you candidly that I
like your appearance and manner, but
when a man refuses to give his name,
there’s always something wrong.”
“There is something wrong, sir—I’ll
be honest with you—there is something
wrong with the name, but not with me—
not now. I could easily give you a false
name. Ain’t the fact that I don’t give
one some sign of honesty, and won’t you
please look at that as a recommendation,
sir?”
“It is an indication, certainly, re¬
sponded the Judge. “Nowit just hap¬
pens that I do need a mnn about my
country place here: need one badly.
Summer is upon us, bringing a great deal
of work to be done about the grounds. I
have a man for the stable and horses, so
the new hand would have to do the
rough work, mowing the lawn, raking,
weeding, sawing wood, keeping the
grounds in good order, running errands,
and so on. Would you be willing to do
that?”
“Certainly, sir,” John hopefully re¬
sponded. ‘ ‘I’ll be only too glad if you’ll
try me.”
“But you are au able bodied young
fellow who could make at some trade
much more than I could give you for the
work mentioned, and if I mistake not
your appearance, you have had higher
aims than this sort of work.”
“That is all true, sir; I could make
more at other work, and I have had higher
aims, but you’ve seen bow misfortune
steps in sometimes on our aims. But I’d
be glad to do such work as you said for
the summer, if you’ll only give me a
trial.”
“What are your terms?”
“That is not important, sir-”
“Not important? Why, my man, it is
becoming plain to me that you have some
object other than this work; some plan
which such a position is to subserve.
Haven’t you?”
“Not exactly plan, but I have a rea
son for coming to you that I’d rather not
tell, if you please. It’s not a wrong pur¬
pose, and I hope you won’t refuse me the
work on its account.”
“It gives rise to unfavorable suspic¬
ions, though. An unusual number of
things are against you. You refuse to give
your name, you seek work plainly be¬
neath your abilities, wages are unimport¬
ant, and lastly, the work is not your chief
object. You must certainly be aware
that these would be good grounds for
turning you away.”
“I am aware of that, sir, and was
afraid that when I came to you that I
would appear in a bad light, but I con¬
cluded to be honest about it anyhow.
Try me, though, sir; you’ll not regret it.
I want theplaGe sorely; more than I dare
tell. I’m in distress. I have nothing
else to say. My appearance is my ont
recommendation. If that won’t do, I
must go.”
He looked pleadingly at the Judge,
who, rising, came from behind the desk,
and standing close to the applicant, said:
“Well, John, let me tell you that your
candor and evident truthfulness have im¬
pressed me very strongly in your favor,
despite the appearance against you. I’ll
try you for a month, but you must not
complain if you are denied certain free¬
dom and privileges that would be ac¬
corded to a man who has proven himself
trustworthy, or if your actions are more
closely watched.”
“I’ve seen those consequences, sir, and
it’s all right. They are to be expected
under the circumstances, and I won’t
complain. Do as you please with me. till
you feel I cau be trusted. Show me the
work at once, sir, if you can. I couldn’t
find word to thank you, sir, even if you
had time to hear them. My work must
show you how grateful I am.”
Donning a broad-brimmed straw hat,
Judge Parker conducted the now man
out over his spacious estate, indicating
what work would be expected of him,
and set liitn to do some weeding at a
spot in sight of his study windows.
He then returned to-*his papers and
books, but as the afternoon wore on, he
cast frequent glances through the win¬
dow at John. It was plain that he had
LINCOLNTON, GEORGIA, FRIDAY, AUGUST 16, 1889.
become deeply interested in the man whose
history had been so candidly ahd honestly
withheld. He could not fathom the
mystery with which the applicant chose
to envelop himself, but he trusted that
his purposes were honorable, though he
was somewhat suspicious.
Judge Parker was a large-hearted man,
widely known and beloved for Us genial¬
ity, benevolence and uniform justice.
The humblest citizen, if worthy, might
and apply to Um for help, certain of a patient
his liberality responsive hearing. Knowing that
had drawn to him many un¬
worthy suppliants, he now suspected his that
John had some design upon pUlan
thropy, and accordingly believed he
needed watching.
But each glance through the window
showed John working industriously,
with an earnest vigor and care that cut
the sharp edges from this suspicion.
And so he worked throughout the trial
month. Faithfulness and a pains-taking
interest were stamped upon each detail
of his work, and many persons comment¬
ed to the Judge upon the improved ap¬
pearance of the place.
John was an unusually quiet and unob¬
trusive man. He seldom volunteered re¬
marks save to ask instructions concerning
his work; he never presented himself un
bidden. Judge Parker’s several efforts
to elicit some account of his life failed;
he was respectfully candid in answering
that he did not wish to tell anything
about himself, saying continued that he entirely
Tested his hope of employment
upon his work.
When the month ended he was re-en¬
gaged, scrupulous and still he mantained the same
caro in every piece of work,
however trivial. He was not a “new
broom.” He never left the place, unless
sent upon errands, and, retiring early to
his room, spent his evenings in quiet
pursuits. The
genuine Judge’s interest in him grew into
fondness. He liked to talk to
him, and found him well posted and
shrewd in the ways of the world, and
ever ready to converse on all subjects ex¬
cept his past life—that was a sealed
book.
The summer wore uneventfully away
until one morning, late in August, a vi3
itor entered the Judge’s study. It was
Joshua Skiles, a member of one of the
bars in the judicial district over which
Judge Parker presided. His face indicat¬
ed an important mission.
“Judge,” he said, after a few remarks
on general subjects: “you have a new
man at work on your place.”
“Yes, indeed I have. I don’t wonder
you’ve noticed it. Many others have
spoken to me of the improvement. But
he’s no eye-server; he’s thorough-going
to the smallest detail.”
Skiles grinned expectantly at this en¬
thusiasm, as he asked:
“What is his name?”
“He calls himself John.”
“No surname, eh!”
“No—well, the truth is, he declined
to give it, and he’s been so faithful that
I have respected his reasons for conceal¬
ing it, whatever they are.”
“Is it possible you don’t remember
him, Judge?”
“No, I don’t; yet several times I’ve
thought there was something familiar
about him, either in motions or looks, I
can’t tell which.”
“Well, I’ve just got back from a trip
to Europe, been most all over the old
country, and the moment I set eyes on
your new man I knew the fellow, if he
has disguised himself with whiskers.
I’m not often deceived in people, I tell
you.”
“I dare say not, but I am if I’ve ever
seen Mm before.”
“Well, then, Judge,” said Skiles, with
manifest pleasure, “you sentenced him
ten years ago to the penitentiary.”
Judge Parker looked closely at Skiles
before replying or showing any feeling of
the statement. The man was not a fa¬
vorite at the bar. He bore a reputation
for pettiness, bis cases usually being
trivial, most of them plainly trumped up
himself upon trifling disputes between
parties, and he was given to volunteer¬
ing services as bids for favor.
So the Judge looked at him, secretly
displeased at the disclosure. He didn’t
want to hear evil of John; he liked him,
and was disposed to believe this one of
Skiles’s designs upon his favor.
“His name, Air. Skiles?”
“Jehu Dorker,” replied Skiles, effu¬
sively. “You sentenced him ten years
ago last Alarch for burglary, which was
proved beyond the slightest shadow of
doubt. There wasn’t a scintilla of evi¬
dence in his favor. Why the jury were
out only about ten minutes. I was
present during the trial, and I can truth¬
fully say it was the plainest case of guilt
in my legal experience. You sent him up
for five years.”
“Are you certain of this, Mr. Skiles?”
the Judge asked, coldly. ' “It’s a very
serious matter to brand a man as a con¬
vict. He is doing well here. May you
not be mistaken?”
“No, indeed, I never forget a face.”
“It seems that I do, then. What is
your purpose?”
“Simply to warn you, sir.”
“What good will it do you if I dis¬
charge him?”
These questions cut close, and Skiles
winced a little as he replied:
“None at all, sir. I didn’t expect it to
—except that inward consciousness of
doing a service. I thought you would
certainly not wish to have a man sleeping
in your house whom you sentenced your¬
self, and who served his term in prison.”
“Well, now, Mr. Skiles, to be frank
with you, I don’t believe in always put¬
ting the foot of virtuous scorn on a man’s
neck because he was once a criminal.
There’s no reason why such a man
shouldn’t or couldn’t reform, and lead an
honest life. I’ve sentenced many men to
prison, but have never had a good
chance to do one a kindness. I honestly
believe that many a criminal would rise
to rectitude if helped, and John is one
of them.”
“We generally try to get rid of a
stumbling horse,Judge,” said Skiles,with,
a weak laugh. “If you doubt my story
call the man in and face him with it.”
This was exactly what Judge Parker
dtd not wish to do. He believed the
story, but did not want to give »H 1 «
the expected satisfaction of seeing John’s
disgrace laid bare. A sincere sorrow for
him arose, and he said}
“No, Mr. Skiles, Pll not confront him
with it now.”
The pettifogger thereupon bowed him¬
self out, somewhat crestfallen, as he had
confidently influence expected to win the Judge’s
in an appointment he aspired
to, and to have seen the criminal ignom
iniously dismissed.
—“I Looking after him Judge Parker mused
do wonder why some people love so
much more to find evil than good in a
person. A noble character is to them as
a whitewashed fence against which they
delight to throw mud. I hate to tell
John of this, but I suppose it must be
done.”
John promptly obeyed the summons,
shade entering respectfully and inquiringly. A
of distrust upon the Judge’s face
made him uneasy, but he calmly and with
manly dignity awaited the communica¬
tion.
“Sit down, John,” the Judge began
kindly; “it may be a long interview.”
He complied, and began nervously re¬
volving his straw hat by Shifting his fin¬
gers along the edge his of the brim, but he
looked firmly at employer.
“John—your surname, is it Dorker?”
A slight pallor swept over the honest
face, as he replied:
“It is, sir. You have remembered me
at last.”
“You expected me to!”
“I did, yes, sir.”
“No, I didn’t recognize you, John,”
said the Judge, with a note of disappoint¬
ment in his voice, “but a lawyer at the
bar told me who were.”
“Always some one to give a fellow a
kick, no matter how hard he’s trying to
get up.”
“Yes, it seems so. Now, John, he
says I sentenced you ten years ago to the
penitentiary. Is it true?”
“It is, sir,” was the hurible reply.
“And you served your full term of five
years?”
did.” “Lacking the time of commutation I
“What have you done since your re¬
lease?”
from “Nothing but try, sir; shifting about
desperate place to place. I’ve tried hard,
hard to lead a true, honest life,
but it’s up-hill work. There’s a weight
on a man like me, sir. The opening
penitentiary door is at the very foot of
a hill, and when a poor fellow comes out
and tries to walk up, there’s always some
one glad to push him back again.”
“Were you guilty of the burglary?”
“I was, sir. It was my first crime.
The easy gain looking tempting, and I
fell. I needed money; but there is no ex¬
cuse, I deserved the punishment. Those
awful years, sir, gave me time to reflec¬
tion, and I determined that when I got
out, with God’s help to pick myself up.
It’s been hard; cruelly, fearfully hard, but
I haven’t fallen again. I’m an honest
man in my heart, sir, if the world won’t
acknowledge it.”
“But why didn’t you tell me this when
you came? It would have been better.”
1 ‘I suppose it would, sir. But I was
too weak. I needed work so badly, and
if you had turned me away then, why
“What, John?”
“Never mind, if you please, sir; you
didn’t turn me off.”
“Very well, John, I’ll not ask you.
But you said you had a special purpose
in coming to me. Can you tell me that?”
John Dorker arose, laid his hat upon
the chair, and facing the Judge said im¬
pressively:
“Do you remember, sir, wbat you said
when you sentenced me?”
“No, I do not.”
“Well, sir, your words burnt them¬
selves into my heart as if they’d been
sparks. I used to fancy I saw them writ¬
ten in fiery letters at night upon the black
wall of my cell. You spoke feelingly,
sir, like you pitied me, and that’s what
mado them take such a hold on me.
They were: ‘Young man, you have set
your foot on a dangerous path. The way
of crime never leads upward, always
down, down to the unknown depths.
The pure sunlight of heaven never smiles
upon it. It is crowded with wrecks of
noble lives. When you tread it, you
leave mother, true friends, light, peace,
heaven and God beMnd you. You are
going to prison. In the quiet years you
shall spend there, look over this life of
yours, and think if you can afford to
spend the smallest possible portion of it
on this path. Come out a pure man.
You will still be young, with much of
your life before you; many years to be
useful and good in, and to retrieve this
false step. Let me say from my heart,
young man, don’t blight your life.’”
He dashed the tears from his eyes,
and proceeded: weeping behind
“My mother sat me,
sir, as I stood at the rail. I was her
only support, God alone knew how she
was to live during those years. Your
words were knife-thrusts, sir. I did
have to leave her, friends, peace, heaven
and the God she had so earnestly taught
me to pray to. And I did reflect, sir, in
those quiet years, and I came out a pure
man. God knows, how I’ve tried not to
let that false step blight my life. But
wherever I went, some one spread the
truth: ‘Employing that man, that John
Dorker; why, lie’s a convict.’
“I became desperate; a temptation
stared me in the face. I felt myself
weakening. Starvation, gloom, despair,
a broken-hearted mother were about me,
and I wavered, sir, when a
came: ‘Surely, surely, the Judge who
spoke those words would help me; he
wouldn’t turn me away.’ And I came.
It was my last chance. Too much de¬
pended upon my getting work, sir, to
risk telling you my story. But now I’m
found out, and I’m ready for your de¬
cision. Can you trust a convicted
burglar in your house? Will you
me a trial? If not, I’ll go away and try
it again, sir, but I don’t know—”
Judge Parker sprang up and warmly
grasped the trembling hand.
“Trust you, John? Give you a trial?
You have been tried, and I again sentence
you, John Dorker. to five years in my
service, in my most earnest help, in my
best effort to place you on the road to
prosperity. God bless you!” served,
And when the sentence was
John Dorker was an honest and useful
citizen .—Yankee Blade.
Fierce Tonaregs of the Desert
The Tonaregs of Algeria are a peculiai
race of people. They live principally by
that brigandage and laying tribute on caravans
cross the desert. They are sup¬
posed to be descendants of a people that
in prehistoric times emigrated from Asia
or from Europe to the southern shores ol
the MediteIranian and were gradually
crowded southward into the desert.
They are of swarthy aspect, tall,
vigorous, supple and quick and energetic
in movement. Their only clothing is a
blouse and pantaloons of red or blue
cotton and fitted close to the figure.
On their breast is a sort of white scarf,
over which is a belt of red leather sup¬
porting tiie cartouch box, which is of the
same material, The head is covered
with a turban fastened about the forehead
with a band of black stuff, while a black
vest conceals the lower part of the face,
leaving little but a prominent nose and a
pair of nnamiable black eyes.
All are armed with a long barbed lance,
which never leaves their hands, a two
handed sabre and a poinard. At their
saddle hangs a double-barreled gun
and a shield of hide.
Thus equipped and mounted on their
camels of the species known as mehari,
which they guide with great dexterity,
they present an imposing appearance and
recall the knight errant of the Middle
Ages.
Their appearance is threatening, and
it is not surprising that their less warlike
neighbors regard them with appre¬
hension.
The Tonareg mounted on his mehari
leans against the high back of his saddle,
and pulling his legs about the cross that
that forms its front, places his feet on the
animal’s neck, and guides it by a gentle
pressure of the toes on one side or the
other. Trained from its earliest youth
to this manner, it responds promptly and
turns in the direction desired, leaving its
rider the free use of his hands to wield
his weapons.
The female Tonareg guides her camel
in the same manner, and some among
them are so expert that they can play a
lively air on the mandolin and compel
the animal to follow it in a dance move¬
ment like a well-trained circus horse.
Owing to the scarcity of water, the
Tonaregs never wash themselves. Their
filth becomes hereditary, even exceeding
that of the most squalid tribes of Ameri¬
can Indians .—New York Journal.
The Milling of Toilet Soap.
“Milled soap,” said the so»p agent
when asked to explain the legend which
his sign bore, “Pure Milled Soap,” “that
is where the difference between common
kitchen and toilet soap comes in.
“Soap, you know, is a composition of
tallow and various lyes. To manufacture
the common yellow variety, known as
laundry soap, these ingredients are boiled
together with the addition of rosin, and
when cool, cut into the ordinary bars.
That is the end of the process. But in
making toilet soaps, we go very much
further. We mill it. It is simply that
to make the finer soap the ingredients
must be better mixed into each other and
the cake made harder and more compact.
So is a firmer lather obtained, and the
cake does not dissolve nearly so rapidly.
To start with we take a better quality of
tallow for this toilet soap and don’t use
rosin at all. Owing to the use of this
better material the mass coming out of
the boiling kettle from which these bars
are cut is a white.
“The bars are pared into slices which
are thrown into the mill, where they are
caught up between rollers, not on a very
different principle from that of the house
wife’s clothes-wringing machine. They
come out in slivers or shaving-like strips,
Then they are fed into a hopper, some
thing like two feet square, underneath
which is a continually revolving screw,
which forces them down through a rec
tangular opening, adjustable as desired.
From this, driven by the pressure of the
screw above, issues a long, solid, closely
compressed bar. It is laid upon and, a
table, cut into its required lengths,
with the use of a die, stamped into its
required, shape or form. The coloring
matter is auded as the soap is put into
the mill. A few drops are sufficient to
tinge a good many pounds of soap.—
New York Mail and Express.
National Floral Emblems.
Apropos of the discussion of a national
emblem, the following table will be of
interest:
Athens................. State*. . ^“olet
Canada................ Egypt................. Sugar maple
.......“
France................. England............... .Fieurde Lis
Germany.............. .Cornflower
Ireland................ . .Shamrock
fev.v.vr.v:::::: ...... Linden Lilies
Saxony................ .......Thistlo -Mignonette
Scotlaud...............
Spain.................. Pomegranate
Woles..................
Mir tie*. Emblems
Beaconsfield s followers .. ^Violets Primrose
Bonapartists........... ".Red lily
Ghibellines.............
Guelphs................ Prince Orange...... ...Orange
of
The Persian Gentleman.
girls'liave'to*invite' games” plavmateJof S
own, but their are never lively
ones. They generally prefer to sit by
themselves under the shade of mulberry
or pomegranate trees in the garden
(which usually is laid out in the court
vard surrounded on all sides bv houses or
high walls) and listen to fairy tales which
their mothers and nurses can tell very in
terestinelv. indeed. While there is very
little companionship or love between
brothers fighting and’sisters, there isno quarreling
and no either, between them;
and the boys while thinking themselves
obove the girls show them'many little
kindnesses.— New York Mail and Express.
BUDGET OF FUN. f
HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM
VARIOUS SOURCES.
Hot Weather Advice—His Head Was
a Void—He Found an Opening—
A Woman’s Spite—Reflex
Repentance, Etc., Etc.
What though the blazer lies
Unused upon the shelf; sighs
What though the lemon
What For glory though for the himself;
swimmer’s sprawl
What Bipples though no frigid the pool;
Keep cool! r ain drops fall,
—Buffalo Courier.
HIS HEAD WAS A VOID.
“I often feel an aching void,” re
marked young Fitzpercy to Him Susie.
“I am sorry you are troubled with
chronic headache,” replied the girl,
sympathetically. —Pittsburg Chronicle Tele
graph.
HE FOUND AS OPENING.
Would-be Reporter (sliding into the
sanctum)—“Have you got an opening for
me?”
Editor—“Yes, indeed. Take hold of
that ring in the floor and pull. There’s
a trap door there It won’t hurt you
much .”—Laurence American.
_
A woman’s spite.
“What an awfully small mouth Miss
Bagly has,” remarked Jennie.
“That is only a deceptive trick she has
acquired,” replied Miss Snyder. “You
ought to just see her out in the yard on
wash day with five clothes-pin3 in her
mouth.”— Epoch.
REFLEX REPENTANCE.
Parkson—“I’ll bet fifty cents that
Melville’s girl has jilted him .” j
Richford—“What makes you think
BO?”
Parkson—“Why he’s out under the
trees, looking for that pipe he threw
away last month..”—Burlington Free Press.
THEIB PICTURES. j
“Hurry to . the .. door, , Mary, , r and . , let ,
Mr. Smith m. He has rung twice.
“That isn’t Sir. Smith, it is the other
young gentleman.”
“Well, wait a minute, then. I must
lhange the photographs on the mantel.”
-Life.
A CRUEL DASHING OF HOPES.
Father—“Bobby, are you too lame
and tired to walk a mile and a half to
the circus?”
Bobby—“No indeed, father.”
Father—“Well, Samu, you-will go Into
the yard and run the lawn mower until
bedtime. I’ve no circus money this
year .”—Omaha World.
i
NATURAL HISTOBT.
Frog (to elephant)—“How far can you
jump, you big lummix?” -
Elephant—“I can't jump at all,froggy
wogay.” shoulders)—“You’re
Frog (hoisting his
unlucky. When I see an enemy approach
ing,with a few jumps I’m out of danger.”
Elephant—“When I see an enemy jump.”— ap
proaching I don’t have to
Harper's Bazar.
TRAINING FOR HIS CANE.
Swell Boy—“Feel that muscle, Char¬
ley.” did
Dudeley—“Good gracious! How
y ou g e t it?”
“Gymnasium. Dumb-bells, sand-bags
Indian clubs, and all that sort o’ thing,
y 0U know.”
“Why, Willie! What do you want to
get up your muscle for? You’re no
fighter.” London
“Deah boy, I’ve heard from
that canes will be larger than ever. Don’t
you see? I’m in training for my cane.”—
Chicago Herald.
-
mixed the certificates.
Government Clerk V (to friend)_“I’m in
# fri ®terday htful hole . 1 w ent to see two doc
tors and got a medical certifi
‘
cate f roln eac h- One was a certificate of
healt]l for a life i nsurance company and
the other wag a certificate of illness to
send tQ cMef with tition for a
wee ^ & i eave of absence.”
Friend “Well I’ve done tbat mvself.
’
What's the matter?”
q q _‘-Matter? Great Scott, I
mixed the certificates in mailing them.
The insurance company has my certifi
cate of ill health and the chief has my
certificate of good health !”—Boston
Beacon.
her choice of craft.
They were sitting on the piazza that
faced the sea, watching the white-sailed
yachts ^ as they | crossed the moon’s track,
hcn suddell v he said .
■ sailing
think be deUgbt ful
on such a lovely night.” think.”
« 0 h! love ly, I should
UT ' I
take you sailing every night.”
“That would be just lovely?”
j ‘^hat kind
! f think!’''
she murmured, as she
j g i ance d around, “I think I would like a
i little smack.”
She got it .—Boston Courier.
! “So ainl,” said Number Two; “quite
j a coincidence, isn’t it?
| number “Yes, of soitis. and I’ve I watched think he lnm has for the a
years, fact,
making of a smart man in him. In
I have taken quite a fancy to him.
“And I lent him five dollars over a
year ago, aiul I’m quite interested to
know when he intends to pay it. Yes,
we are both of us quite interested m him,
and as I remarked before, it’s quite a com
cidence.”
Then each looked fiercely at the other, „
and turned on his heel simultaneously;
which was quite a coincidence .—Yankee
Blade.
Subscription: $1.25 in Adyanee.
IN A MEADOW OK HAY.
You sing the delights ofthe city or town,
Of the theatre, ball or
I sing of the joys of some gorae covered
down,
Boine-sweetscented meadow cj hay.
I care not who pores o’er each counter or
book,
Who bulls or who bears on the street,
But give me the banks of some swCt running
brook,
The charms of some shady retreat.
What pictures your painters can dimly en¬
shrine
On the canvas so doll and so cold,
Can equal the luster these pictures of mine
Should nature her beauties unfold?
You drink to the health of your star of the
stage
In vintages costly and rare;
My brown cider jug shall my fancies engage
When I drink to the health of my fair,
I crave not your belles, who in fashion's gay
whirl
Trip blithely till daylight away;
But give me the smile of some sweet country
girl,
A queen, in her meadow of hay.
—Chicago Journal.
PITH AND POINT.
,
_
Sound to the corps _ A b le
A . relation—Story . .. badly told.
poor
Lumberman’s slang—Shute that log!
A dentist refers to his collection of ex¬
tracted teeth as gum drops.
“Matchless maid” is the way in which
a presumptious young man addresses a
lady of a very uncertain age.
There wouldn't have been any milk in
the cocoanut if some dairymen had had
the construction of it.— Siftings.
Plenty of sleep is conducive to beauty.
Even a garment looks worn when it loses
its nap .—Binghamton Beptiblican.
“Waiter, a beef steak—but not a small
one, I’m so terribly nervous that every
little thing upsets me .”—Fliegende Blaet
ter.
Teacher—“What is an unknown quan
tity?” Coal Dealer's Son—“What you
get when ^ you buy a ton of coal.”—
It is one of the paradoxes of life that
the more a wife keeps her husband in hot
water the colder he grows toward her.—
Boston Courier.
“ Where are the teeth on which in youth
So proudly I relied?”
“The sandwhich has them, sir. in sooth,"
The lunch girl straight replied.
—Merchant Traveler.
Rejoice, O young man, in the days of
thy youth, but remember tbat, big as be .
is, the whale does not blow much until
he reaches the top.— Terre Haute Ex
press.
“What’s the matter,” the scboolmis
tress asked. ‘Bacfs sore, ma'am.”
“What’s made it sore?” “Pop pounded
his thumb with a hatchet this momin’
and I laughed. Epoch.
A little girl joyfully assured her mother
the other day that she had found out
'where they make horses. She had seen a
man finishing one. He was nailing on
his last foot .—JSew York Eeics.
Country and City.—Miss Sheafe—“Ah,
look at that wheat rising and falling yon
derin the breeze! How beautiful!” Mr.
Weetpit—“Ah. but you ought to see it
rising _and falling in the Produce Ex¬
change!”
Hardware Dealer—“Now, Mr. Rusti
cus, there’s what I call a bargain. That
stove has a quick oven and the draft is
so arranged that it will save one-half the
fuel.” “Miss R. (who is a student of
economies)—“La sakes, pa, why not get
two and save all the fuel?”— Harper’s
Bazar.
A Dying One Reviews His Whole Life.
A I rench scientist affirms that a dying
person in his last moments thinks of the
chief events of his life. Persons resus
citated from drowning, epileptics with
grave attacks, persons dying and already
unconscious but momentarily brought
back to consciousness by ether injections
to utter their last thoughts, all confirm
this remarkable fact. Brown-Sequard
mentions the indisputable fact that per
sons who, in consequence of cerebral af
fections, have been paralyzed sensibility, for years,
get back when dying their Such
mobility and intelligence. facts
clearly show that at the moment of dis
solution important changes take place, re
acting on the composition of the blood
and the functions of the organs. Chi
cago Times i.
A Queer Relic.
Once upon a tune a car containing gold
and silver coin was burned on its way
from the mint to Washington, and in dol- the
ruins the searchers found two silver
lars held firmly together by a ten-cent
piece. The corns were badly discolored
and twisted but nearly in the centre of
one of the silver dollars was imbedded a
# S o d pleCe aS b ™f ht ^ ^
fect M 'J heu lt came ^om f the mint. The
explanation , given . by ‘the IS or walk,
(Conn ) Hour is, that just at the right
the gold coin dropped upon he
£? “r
ox-United States Treasurer James W.
Hyatt .—Boston Herald.
| Self-Depreciation Good Form in China.
lowing isnot an exaggeration: “What
is your honorable name? “Aiy insignifi
cant appellation is Chang. _ Where is
your magnificent palace? 5 J Con¬
temptible hu ^ Aj”
many are your illustrious , children? , , iat„ My
vile, worthless brats are live How “
the health of
My mean, good-for-nothing old woman
is _ well. —New Yoi k Graphic.
- - ——
| Cheese :is mentioned by Aristotle
about 350 B. C. It is supposed that
cheesemaking was introduced into Eng
land about the beginning of the Christian
era, having been karnsd from the Romans.