Newspaper Page Text
THE LINCOLNTON NEWS
VOLUME VII. NUMBER 40.
Brazil boasts of receiving 131,000 im¬
migrants last jear.
The fisheries of Maine are reported to
bo on the decline.
California has 187,500 homesteads oi
160 acres each that have not been applied
for.
The United States occupies one-third
of the entire space devoted to machinery
at the Paris Exposition.
It is estimated that the Protestant
churches of the United States contribute
annually $11,230,000 to foreign missions.
Standard oil and electric lights have
combined to make Cleveland, Ohio, the
richest city of its population in the world.
According to the officials of the United
States Mint there are 100,000,000 of the
old-fashioned copper cents still out but
not in circulation.
It has been decided that we are to pay
high for our sugar this year, but we are
likely, says the Courier-Journal, to get
our biscuits cheap.
The Legislature of Missouri at its recent
session passed a bill which prohibits the
marriage of first cousins, and declares
such marriages absolutely void.
The Government printing office at
Washington has not yet been able to turn
out in book form all the statistics which
wero gathered in the census of 1880.
The Somerville (Mass.) Journal has
noticed that people always fight shy of
the young lawyer. He knows altogether
too much about law to bo of any practi¬
cal use.
The “scramble for Africa” still contin¬
ues. According to an announcement in
the London Times, a number of leading
financiers of England and the Cape are
about to apply for a charter for a com
mercial comps /to take possession of the
Central Zamb -A Basin.
A Chicago woman has appealed to the
courts to protect her against a money
shark who is charging her forty-five per
cent, interest on a loan secured by a
chattel mortgage. In Cincinnati poor
women have been known to pay 120 per
cent., alleges the Atlanta Constitution,
without complaining.
A Kansas paper relates that a man in
Saline County sowed wheat on the same
land for three successive dry years with¬
out getting a head of grain. A few years
afterward, according to the veracious
chronicler, the wheat began to grow, and
he has harvested immense wheat crops
three successive years without ever plow- I
ing or sowing. ;
;
The municipality of Berlin intends to
create a new establishment for epileptics
at Bisaorf, a village near the city. It is
intended to hold 700 patients, but may
be enlarged to receive 1000, and is to
have a farm or ample I / grounds attached to
it. .. It T , will ... consist . of central ....... building
a
and a number of cottages, each with a
garden round it.
The Dunkards, or German Baptists, at i
burg, r“ V a., agreed »r upon mee,toe a sweeping “ H "*“-! reform.
,
They decided that hereafter the wearing j
of gold watches should be held good i
cause for expelling the member so offend
. A , like punishment . , , . to . . be meted , ,
mg. is
out to those who attend places of amuse
ment, and no user of tobacco can be placed i
on a standing committee. !
The latest hero of the cab is John
Myers, an engineer on the Wabash sys¬
tem, who, though stricken with paralysis,
kept control of Ms engine, by a supreme
effort of the will, until he had brought a
train loaded with passengers safely to a
standstill at the end of the run. Then,
as the passengers alighted with smiles
and greetings at their journey’s end, the
engineer, who also had reached his jour¬
ney’s end, was borne helpless and speech¬
less from the cab to die. “So common are
deeds of heroic devotion to duty in the
annals of the railway service, ’ ’ remarks the
New York Sun, “that it must keep the
Recording Angel busy to make a note of
them. But we may depend upon it that
no deeds like that of dying John Myers
are missed.”
As an evidence of the advance made by
the United States in the direction of pro¬
viding its dwellers with suitable habita¬
tions, etc., it may be mentioned that the
value of the building stone produced in
the year 188S was estimated at $25,500,
000, and that bricks and tile to the amount
of $48,213,000 were made. These ma¬
terials were stuck together with 49,087,
000 barrels of lime, valued at $.24,513,
BOO, and 6,253,295 barrels of American
cement worth $4,533,639. When to these
large figures is added the enormous
amount expended . .. for . lumber, , , house , j
hardware and labor in construction, it ,
will be seen that the people of the United
States are paying a tidy sum overy year j
for their homes, places of business, i
churches, etc. i
DEVOTED TO THE INTEREST of 1 LINCOLN COUNTY.
BEYOND THE MYSTIC RIVER.
Beyond the mystic river
Are paths that lead to peace,
To the mansions of the ransom'd
Where strife and turmoil cease.
Beyond the; murky waters
Of Charon’s sullen stream
I catch the sheen of jasper
Through a star-illumined dream.
Beyond the mystic river
Are paths that lead to joy;
Where the tree of life is blooming
No worldly griefs annoy.
Beyond the storms and shadows
That gloom our life below
There is a land all radiant i
Where living waters flow.
Beyond the mystic river
Are paths that lead to light,
Where the glowing sea of crystal
Breaks on the ravished sight.
No sunlight gilds the city,
Nor argent moonbeams play;
God’s presence is the glory
That pales the orb of day.
Beyond the mystic river
Are paths that lead to love
Where streets of golden splendor
Illume the world above.
There sits enthroned the Father,
Amid the seraph throng,
That cast their crowns before Him t
And glorify with song.
Beyond the mystic river
I hear the harps afar
And through the crimson sunset
Seo pearly gates ajar.
Beyond the vale of shadows
A star beams on the way;
The star that led the magi
Leads on to endless day.
s-T. A. Foster, in Atlanta Constitution.
SAND COTTAGE.
No, ” said the old fisherman, looking up
from his task of net mending with bleared
eyes, and long gray beard blowing in the
salt wind, “there ain’t no houses herea¬
bouts to let. Most every one lives in his
own house.”
Mrs. Cheverel and Kate eyed each other
with disappointed glances.
“Strangers mostly boards at the tah
vern,” added the old man, stitching dili¬
gently away.
“But we can’t afford that,’’said Kate.
“We are obliged to economize, ” added
Mrs. Cheverel.
Old Nathan Plowden nodded.
“The tax is pretty steep at the tahvera,"
said he, reflectively.
“My daughter paints,” said Mrs. Chev¬
erel, with modest pride, “and we thought
this neighborhood wouldTafford her unu
sual facilities for—”
Nathan stared.
“Women has took to that business,
hey?” said he. “Wal, there's no teffin’
what they’ll do next. But there’s two
house painters at Rocky Signal a’ready,
and one as does signs and inside ceil¬
ings.”
Kate Cheverel laughed.
“I do not think they will interfere
with me,’’said she.
“If only we could find a house!” said
Mrs. Cheverel. “I wouldn’t mind how
small it was.”
All of a sudden Nathan Plowden’s
wooden visage brightened up.
“If ye was willin’ to take a boarder, ”
said he, “there’s Old Man Simpson as
goes with Sand Cottage. There’s six
” “
But he don’t make no more trouble than
he can help, and be ain’t noways pa’tik
' ar a ^out his vittles. Guess likely you’ve
! ee “ little one-storied house
lest this side of the light-house, with a red
; : ,ri C k chimbly?”
“Oh, mother, that house!” cried Kate,
ecstatically clasping her hands. “With
the ‘Traveler’s Joy’ vine climbing all over
! ‘ le ^ roI1 “ °f an< T the little porch with
iv* is
ve ry nook of all others that I would have
chosen!”
“But—a boarder [’’hesitated Mrs. Che¬
verel.
“He’s ,, TT , a dreadful - utf , quiet old creetur,” !
saidPk)wdea . 0llldn , t bemu( h
trouble; and his folks they give the rent
of the place to any one as ’ll take good
care him. Widow Moseman, she’s
done for him all these years; but her
son, out in Colorado, has wrote for her
to come and keep house for him.”
“Mother, let us go and look at the
place,” coaxed Kate. “Such studies of
sea and sky as I could make there.”
And Kate prevailed in the end.
The sun was shining on Sand Cottage,
as the two women stood in the porch un¬
der the swinging festoons of ‘ ‘Traveler’s
Joy.” Old Man Simpson sat smiling in
his wheeled chair, like a silver-haired
child, with last week’s newspaper upside
down in his lap.
“He can’t read a word since that last
paralytic stroke,” said Mrs. Moseman.
“But he thinks he can, and the paper’s a
dreadful comfort to him. He’s as peace¬
ful as a baby, so long as he has plenty of
weak coffee to drink, and a chance to sit
in the sun. On cloudy days he wants a big
fire 0 ’ logs in the chimbly; but there’s
plenty o’ drift-wood washed up, arter
every high tide. Wood don’t cost noth¬
ing here.”
“Has he no relatives of his ownl”
asked Kate, looking with compassionate
fringed eyes on the smiling, expressionless face,
around with silver hair, and the
folded, useless hands.
“Only a fur-away cousin, as pays his
board and sends him clothes, and comes
to see him once in awhile,” said Mrs.
Moseman. “Ilis own folks is all dead
and gone, long ago.”
“It will be a great responsibility, ” said
Mrs. Cheverel.
‘ ‘But I think we could take good care
of him, mother,” whispered sympathetic
Kate
“And it would be a dreadful accoru
inodation to me,” said Mrs. Mosemau,
who talkcd through ber nosc> llad heaved
a Borean sigh at the end of every sentence
that she spoke.
“Perhaps,” hesitated Mrs. Cheverel,
“we ought to write to this distant rela¬
tive, about the business?”
“Oh, ’tain’t necessary!" said Mrs.
LINCOLNTON, GEORGIA, FRIDAY, AUGUST 9, 1889.
Moseman. “It can all be arranged with
me.”
So Mrs. Cbeverel and Kate settled
down on the edge of the sea, in the
picturesque ‘Old one-storied cottage, with
1 Man Simpson” in his wheeled chair
as a part of their household.
Mrs. Cheverel kept house, tidied up
the rooms, and prepared dainty little
dishes; while Kate sketched fine marine
effects, and tried to copy the flaming
reds and dreamy purples of the sunsets,
that trailed their splendors along the
deep night after night.
“She is getting quite contented again,”
said Mrs. Cheverel. “It’s a very sad
story, Mr. Simpson.” (For she often
talked to this smiling, senile old man,
very much as she would have talked to
herself, for lack of any other auditor, and
he would nod and rub his white, wrinkled
old hands, and evince a feeble sort of sat¬
isfaction in the sound of her voice.) “I’m
quite sure that they loved each other; and
then that beauty, Althea Desmond came
along and made him believe that Kate
was only playing with him—that she was
a heartless coquette, a mere fortune¬
hunting butterfly I And of course Kate
couldn’t endure that imputation. So after
we lost all those investments in the
Arkansas bond, we just packed up our
few things and left New York, and if
Kate can only sell her pictures, I’m sure
there’s noting else left to wish for.”
Old Man Simpson nodded his head and
smiled very hard, to signify his deep in¬
terest, as she paused, and immediately fell
into a complacent doze in the sunshine.
And Kate, working at a study of an old
wreck, thought a little way down the beach,
of Allan Sanderson, and saw her
colors through a blur of tears.
So much occupied was she that she
scarcely heard the sound of footsteps on
the beach behind her until they were
close at her side.
Newcomers 1 A tall, swart-complex
ioned young man, with a young lady
hanging borough on his arm, whose floating Gains¬
plumes were damp with sea air,
and whose Algerian wrap was folded
gracefully around her slender figure.
“Of all people—Kate Cheverel!” cried
Miss Desmond. “Allen, do look here!
Who would have thought it? I hope
you are well, dear! Such a charming
surprise 1”
Miss Cheverel rose and bowed with
chilly politeness; her eyes drooped before
the questioning look of Allan Sander¬
son’s.
“I’ve come down here with him to see
that darling old distant cousin of his,
whom he supports so generously,” rattled
on Althea Desmond. “Mamma is at the
hotel. And we are so charmed to see
you, dear Kate! Tt was so cruel of you
never to leave us any address when you
went away. And we really thought-”
“I beg you pardon,” said Kate, still
more freezingly, “but the sun is down.
I will detain you no longer.”
Miss Desmond bit her lip, and left off
talking; ‘Are but staying Mr. Sanderson here, still lingered.
‘ you Miss Cheverel?”
said he.
“Ves.”
“Where, if I may venture to ask?”
“At Sand Cottage.”
“Sand Cottage!” struck in Miss Des¬
mond’s shrill, high soprano. “Why,isn’t
that funny? The very place we’re going
to call atl”
“Are you Mr. Simpson’s unknown rela¬
tive?” said Kate, looking full into Allan’s
eyes at last. “It is strange, but we never
have heard his name yet.”
“I am Mr. Simpson’s relative,certainly,
but he was left in charge of one Mrs.
Moseman, who-”
“She has gone away,” explained Kate.
“We are taking her place. The cottage
suited us, and she was anxious to go out
West. I hope the arrangement does not
displease you. Mr. Simpson seems quite
happy and contented under mamma’s
charge, is and-”
“It very kind of you-” mechani¬
cally begun Mr. Sanderson.
But Kate quickly interrupted him.
“Not at all kind,” said she. “It is
merely a matter of business. Perhaps we
had better go to the house at once.”
“Oh, do let us!” fluttered Althea Des¬
mond. “Such a darling, picturesque
little spot! One could really fancy one¬
self in Arcadia. Won’t you show us
your sketches, Kate? Oh, do, please!”
“Pray excuse me,” said Kate, straight¬
Diana, ening up her slender neck like a young
and buckling the strap of her
portfolio tighter than ever.
Of all things, Miss Desmond’s patron¬
age was the hardest to endure.
Mrs. Cheverel’s amazement at the sight
of Mr. Sanderson and his fair, enchant¬
ress can easily be imagined.
Old Man Simpson smiled and nodded
when Allan shook hands with him and
presented Miss Desmond; but this he
always did when the baker or the butcher
called, or even the little errand lad who
brought the mails from the village post
office, so that it was, perhaps, no sign
of special favor.
But as he reached out for his unvarying
friend, the newspaper, his feeble arm up¬
set the candle which bad just been
lighted and set on the pine stand be¬
side him, and in a second, newspaper,
curtains and all were in a bright blaze.
“Althea, hold the door open—quick!
—until I get the wheeled chair out!”
cried Sanderson, in a voice of stern coal¬
maud.
But Miss Desmond, terrified out of all
common sense or reason, lied shrieking
from the house, leaving the rest to their
fate.
Not so Kate Cheverel. She rushed into
the very fiery heart of the flames and
helped Allan Sanderson to extricate the
poor old paralytic from his mortal dan¬
ger, heedless of the risk she herself ran.
And not until his chair was safe on the
beach, where the purple twilight was just
beginning peril to fall, did she realize the
She through which she had passed.
flection grew deadly pale in the fierce re¬
of the flames, whieli were now
licking poor little Sand Cottage out of
existence, and gasped for breath.
“Kate—Kate!. Oh, she is dying!”
cried Mrs. Cheverel.
And then she remembered no more.
Old Man Simpson had forgotten all
about it the next day, and sat peacefully
in his wheeled chair on the hotel porch
■with yesterday’* newspaper in his lap and
the sunshine playing around hia useless
feet.
Miss Desmond was having hysterics in
her room upstairs, under the charge of
her mother, a hook-nosed old lady with a
great deal of wiggy false hair, and Allan
Sanderson was walking up and down the
beach, when Kate Cheverel, leaning on
her mother’s arm, came out.
“You are .better!” he cried.
“I am quite well,” said Kate. “Noth¬
ing ailed me but a momentary panic.”
“Dear Kate,” said Sanderson, “you
saved his life; and mine too—for I could
not have got him out alone, and I would
never have left him to perish in the flames.
You are a heroine, dear Kate!”
She motioned him away with an at¬
tempt at a smile.
“Go and talk to Miss Desmond, Allan,”
said she, “The days of ‘dear Kate’are
over between you and me!”
“On the contrary,” he cried, “tbeyare
only just beginning 1 Miss Desmond,
indeed 1 Did she not make good her own
escape and leave us to our fate? Do you
suppose I can ever respect her after this?”
“But you are her engaged lover?”
“I am not engaged to her; I never
was. And I never shall be now. She
and her mother have followed me up
as the hounds hunt a deer, but the
spell is broken at last. Dear Kate—
sweet Kate! I never really cared for
any woman but you. Tell me that I
may hope!”
And when Miss Desmond came down
starrs, very much dressed up, and a little
pale in spite of the rouge which she had
liberally applied, Allan did not rise from
his seat beside Miss Cheverel on the
piazza.
“I’m sorry that I cannot accompany
you and your mother back to New York,
Althea,”said he. “I shall remain here
to look after my aged cousin, and after
this young lady who has just promised to
be my wife.
All the rouge in the store where Al¬
thea bought her cosmetics could not have
concealed the deadly pallor on her cheeks
at.-tbat moment.
“Ah, indeed!” simpered she. “I’m
sure I congratulate you both! But really
this is quite unexpected!”
Sand Cottage has been rebuilt into a
lovely seaside lodge, where Mr. and Mrs.
Sanderson spend their summers.
Mrs. Cheverel lives there all the year
round, and Old Men Simpson still sits in
the yellow sunshine, smiling and con
tented.
best,” “Everything has happened for the
says the old lady.
And Old Man Simpson nods cheerfully
at her in reply, although he does not un¬
derstand a word she says .—Saturday
Night.
An Experiment in Tpsh-Cultnre.
Last spring about half 'a million young
shad were placed soon after hatching in a
large pond in Washington, and were care¬
fully tended and fed and protected from
enemies during the whole of the period
which the young shad spends in fresh
water. The young fishes prospered and
grew rapidly, and nearly all of them were
still alive when the time for migrating to
the ocean came in the fall. The gates of
the pond were then opened one morning,
and all day long the silver stream of
young shad poured out through them and
started on the long journey down to the
sea. All naturalists will look forward
with the greatest interest to the time
when these fishes return, bringing back
with them to the fishermen of the Poto¬
mac the wealth of food which they have
gathered in the ocean. In the mean time
constitutions wo may indulge the hope that the strong
which they have acquired
during their carefully nurtured youth will
enable them to excel their less favored
brotheis, and that when they reach our
market they will have some of the ex¬
cellence of our improved garden pro¬
ducts.
But this is not all. These shad were
reared from selected eggs. The adults
which entered ■ our waters first in the
spring are most valuable to the fishermen,
since they are put upon the market at a
time when fresh fish are scarce and high
priced. Our experience with garden
vegetables justifies the expectation that
the eggs of early shad shall themselves
give birth to early shad. Now, all the
young fishes which were put into the Fish
Commission pond were hatched from eggs
taken from the earliest shad of the season,
and, if this process of selection be pur¬
sued for a few years, we may feel confi¬
dent that the Potomac River will soon
abound in shad of extra quality at the
time when fine shad are hardest to get
and most valuable .—Popular Science
Monthly.
About Mustaches.
One afternoon a barber startled me by
saying that he knew a thing that would
agitate society in general from basis to
battlements if it were known, writes
Hepburn Jones in the Pittsburg Dispatch.
Naturally it took some persuading to ex¬
tract this charge of moral dynamite from
its cai-tridge, as it were. But it was out
at last.
Said the barber; “If you will observe
the mustaches of the men you know, you
will discover nine cases out of ten that
one side of the mustache always flourishes
better than the other. Most men are
aware to some extent of this peculiar
phenomenon, but I do not believe that
any one who is the victim of it can explain
it to you off hand. Yet the reason for
this difference in the opposite section of
the mustache is simple enough. This is
the secret: The side the man sleeps on
most often will always be found to cor¬
respond with the side of the mustache
which does not grow properly, is strag¬
gling and very often bleached. Naturally,
you see, the pressure of the face on the
pillow brings about the falling out of the
hair, and the tendency of the saliva to
flow from the lower corner of the mouth
during a man’s sleep doubtless assists in
the process of disintegration.
“I have noticed some singular phe¬
nomena it\ this field of inquiry, and I re¬
member that when I was in the Palmer
House barber shop in Chicago I dis
covered that the right side of Mr. Fuller's
(now Chief Justice Fuller) mustache was
not so heavy and glossy as the left." .
BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM
VARIOUS SOURCES.
Wall of a Fugitive Umpire— In Great
Lack—A Financial Wreck
—The Dear Departed.
—Etc., Etc.
An Esquimaux sat on a chunk of ice
In the land of the northern pole;
He cracked his heels and he whistled twice
At a sight that charmed his soul.
For a st er came o’er the fields of snow
At a s that was fearful quite;
His cheeks were pallid and thin with woe
And the frost on his beard was white.
‘‘Oh, prithee, pause,” cried the Esquimaux;
“From whence do you come so feat?”
“I come from a land weary leagues below
This realm with its storm and blast.
“I come from a land in the far off south,
And I’ve traveled ten thousand miles
Since last the sun like a beaming mouth
Turned loose on the earth his smiles.
“I’ve clambered the mountains, on raging
streams
Full oft I’ve been heaved and tossed;
I umpired Alas! a game for two baseball teams—
And the home club lost.”
—Nebraska State Journal.
k great luck.
Le Dylke-“What made you buy so
many suits of clothes?”
De Bylke—“I’m in great luck, mv
! boy.”
j Le Dvlke—“Fell heir to a fortune?”
De Bylke—“No. Found a tailor who
trusts me.”
A FINANCIAL WRECK.
Beggar—“Please, please help a poor
cripple.”
Passer-By (giving him money)—“Poor
fellow! Where are you crippled ?”
Beggar (pocketing the money)—“In
my finances, sir !”—The Wasp.
THE DEAR DEPARTED.
Towne—“That’s too bad about Ding
ley, isn’t it?”
Brown “How? What’s that?”
Towne—“Joined the silent majority.”
Browne—“What! dead?”
Towne—“No, married.”— Time.
couldn’t take an important part.
Professor of History—“Mr. Crimple,
if Napolean was alive to-day, what part
in the game of life do you think he would
prefer to play?”
Student—“I’m sure I don’t know, sir.
But he wouldn’t be tall enough to play
first base.”— Time.
NOT A BIT “STUCK UP.”
Bouton Flatherc, Esq.—“X suppose you
don’t speak to the common herd anymore,
• Miss Luckeigh?”
; Miss Luckeigh (who has just realized
largely)—“Why, certainly, Mr. Flathers,
how do you do?”— Life.
HE THOUGHT HE WAS WITH THE BOYS.
“Robinson street!” called out the
street car conductor.
“I’ll take (hie) whisky, Robinson!”
exclaimed a man who had been half
asleep in the corner, and the whole car
smiled.— Munsey’s Weekly.
THE USUAL CONDITIONS.
little Mamma—“Bobby, I notice that your
sister took the smaller apple. Did
you let her have her choice, as I told you
to?”
Bobby—“Yes, I told her she could
have the little one or none, and she chose
the little one .”—Omaha World.
SUCCESSFUL PHYSICIANS.
Doctor’s Wife—“I understand that Dr.
Cureall confines himself strictly to office
practice.”
Old Doctor—“Yes; that is why he
succeeds. People who are able to walk
to an office are generally strong enough
to get well without help .”—New York
Weekly.
RETIRED WITHOUT STRIKES.
Baseball Maiden—“Yes, Mr. Joblots,
all is over between us. Here is the ring.”
Mr. Joblots—“I am to understand then,
Mabel, that our eugagementisatanend.”
Baseball Maiden—“Exactly. I give
you your release and expect to sign anew
man the latter part of the week. Good
l by 1 ”—Minneapolis Tribune.
A HARMONY OF ALTITUDES.
Yankeebroad (to Parisian jeweler)—
“What is that scarf pin worth?”
Parisian Jeweler—“Five thousand
francs.”
Yankeebroad — ‘ ‘ Jewhillikens! And
I’ve been writing home to my friends that
the highest thing in the world is the
Eiffel Tower.”— Jewelers' Weekly.
RIVAL CITIES.
Chicago Lawyer—“And, gentlemen of
the jury, remember you can't take this
poor man’s life without reducing the
population of our mighty metropolis, an
! act of which I am sure such patriotic citi¬
zens as yourself will never be guilty while
j Brooklyn puts in her absurd claims of be¬
ing the second great city in the country.”
— Epoch.
IT WOULD MAKE HIM nAPrY.
Stranger—“I suppose you have greatly
reformed since you entered this prison?”
Convict—“Oh yes, I’m a changed man
now.”
Stranger—“Are you contented here?”
Convict—“Yes, pretty well contented,
but you don’t know what a gratification
it would be to me to break a safe now and
then. ” Epoch.
—
THIS USUAL DISAPPOINTMENT.
Omaha Youth—“I’ve called for my
new suit.”
Average Tailor—“Sorry, but it is not
finished.”
Omaha Youth—“Why, you said you
j would night.” have it done if you worked all
!
! Average Tailor—“Yes, but I didn’t
1 work all night .”—Omaha World.
Subscription: $1.28 in Adiancc.
A SURE THING.
“Have you any particular object in
loafing around here?” asked the contrac¬
tor of a new building of an idler who
was in the way.
“Yes, sir,” was the prompt reply.
“Well, what is it?”
“I want to dodge my creditors, and
they will never think of looking for me
where there is any work going on.”_
Detroit Free Press.
UNANIMOUSLY REJECTED.
“I shall not marry Miss Croesus, after
all,” announced young Bjenkins, sadly.
‘’Her family seems to oppose the match
too much.”
“Hang the family!” exclaimed a sym¬
pathizing friend. “Go in and win
Bjenking, just the same. What do you
care for the family’s opinion, so long as
the girl is willing?”
“That’s just it,” exclaimed Bjenkins,
still more sadly. ‘ ‘Miss CreEsus seems to
agree with them.”— Somerville Journal.
A BOOMING TOWN.
First Boomer—“You fellows have no
git up about you at all. Why don’t you
have photographs of your town taken,
like we did! Are you ashamed of it?”
Rival Boomer—“Naw, that ain’t the
reason at all. I want you to understand, '•
young fellah, that our town don’t stand !
still long enough to be photographed.”_
Terre Haute Express. ~
KNEW THE SYMPTOMS.
Wife—“Cyrus, I am sure young Spoon
amore is becoming serious in his atten¬
tions to our Susie.”
Husband—“Nonsense! What makes
you thinks so?”
“He wears a new necktie every time
he comes.”
“Do vou think Susie cares anything
for him?”
“I know she does. She hasn't eaten
an onion this spring ."—Chicago Tribune.
CKROKIC AND ACUTE MALADIES.
“Major Stofah, who loves to talk
little himself, ran across a friend the
other evening, who was just full enough
to be disagreeably voluble. The Major
stood it as long as he could.
“Here, Colonel,’.’ he said at last, “let
up on that talking. You are making a
holy show of yourself.”
The Colonel looked at the Major re¬
proachfully for a full minute.
“1 kno—know it, he stammered, thick¬
ly. “I—I know it, Major. Don’t you
see it’s be—because I—I’m drunk, and
I’U get over it; but you. Major, you are
s—stuck for 1—life. ”— Washington Critic.
A FRIEND IN NEED.
Bunco Steerer (to farmer)—* ‘Isn’t this
Mr. Swansdown, of Grayneck Comers?”
Farmer—“That’s me.”
Bunco Steerer—“My name is Jim
Sharper, son of old man Sharper, the
banker in your town. ”
Farmer—“Your looks don’t show it;
but, by gosh, Jim, I’m glad to see you!
I dropped into Wall street to-day, and
you’ve got to help me git back to the
Comers or I’ll have to walk.”— Harper’s
Weekly.
SPENDING THE SUMMER.
Mr. Blinker—‘ ‘What are you going to
do with yourself this summer?”
Mr. Winker—“I’m going to stay at a
watering place.”
Mr. Blinker—“At a watering place 1
Why, Dick, I thought you told me you
hadn’t money enough to buy bait for
rat trap last week after you settled with
your creditors!”
Mr. Winker—“That’s just the reason I
accepted a clerkship under the Croton
water board .”—Town Topics.
PRECOCITY.
The child was playing with the scis¬
sors, and his kindly old grandmother
chided him.
“You musn’t play with the scissors,
dear. I knew a little boy just like you
who was playing with a pair of scissors
just like that pair, and he put them in
his eye, and he put his eye out, and he
never could see anything ever after.”
The child listened patiently and said
when she got through:
“What was the matter with his other
eye ?”—San Francisco Chronicle.
NOBODY SHOULD SUSPECT HIM.
One of the self conscious bridegroom*
at the WMte House the other day, as he
came in with his bride, caught the know,
ing look which a little group near the
door exchanged with each other. As
soon as he found a comfortable sofa for
the bride be sauntered with apparent
careLessness up to the little group, and,
addressing one of them, made some re¬
mark about the moist morning.
“I was just reminding my wife,” said
be, “that when we came here on our wed¬
ding trip, eleven years ago, it was just
such a rainy morning.”
“Eleven years ago?” said the gentle¬
man addressed, in evident astonishment;
“why, your wife does not look more than
twenty now.”
And she was not. The bridegroom saw
the mistake, blushed furiously, and went
away to rejoin his wife. He had made
the years too many, and did not get over
looking sheepish so long as he was in the
buildiDg.— Washington Post.
A Humorous Plant.
A good-natured plant has been dis¬
covered, one which has the same desire
as Punch is supposed to feel, namely, to
make people laugh. The seeds are black,
resembling a French beau in size . and
shape, and have a sweet taste, a flavor
somewhat like opium and a sickewnj
odor. Small doses of the pulverizei
seeds give rise to peculiar manifestations.
The person laughs boisterously, sings,
dances and cute up all kinds of fantastic
capers. The excitement continues about
an horn - , when the subject falls into a
deep sleep of an hour or more, and
awakens utterly unconscious of his late
ridiculous behavior .—London Court Jorur
ml.
Of potatoes Europe grows more than
she needs, while the United States sup¬
plies her deficiency from Canada and
Germany.
A NAME FOR THE BABY,
Worn this list of names yon, maybe,
Gan get one to please the baby.
Agnes, Celia, Adelaide, Amin
Blanche, Agatha, Constance, Harmot,
Claudine, Claudia, Barbara, Phoebe,
Elizabeth, Mabel, Frances, Hebe;'
Caroline, Catherine, Eva, Cora,
Corienne, Beatrice, Lilly, Flora;
Augusta. Dorothy, Dorris, Helen,
Grace, Louise, Lettice, Ellen;
Georgia, Gertrude, Ruth, Estella,
Julia, Rosalie, Arabella;
Lucy, lViimifred, Portia, Laura,
Eloise, Prudence, Patience, Clara;
Myra, Myrtle, May, Malvina,
Amanda, Enid, P.ose, Sabina;
Antoinette, Rosalind, Ann, Cornelia,
Rosamond, Nanette, Joan, Cordelia;
Mary, Margaret, Edith, Ida,
Penelope, Kmmn l Aleen, Ada;
Johanna, Ophelia, Olivia, Jane;
Regina, Sarah, Soohia, Elaine:
Harriet, Louisa, Kate, Elvira,
Panline, Paulina, Lucinda, Almira;
Hypatia, Eunice, Henrietta,
Euphemia, Sybil, Alfredetta;
Charlotte, Mil in cent, Maud, Matilda,
Theresa, Adelaide, Pearl, Clotilda-,
Marion, Miriam, Josephine,
Victoria, Florence, Imogene;
Virginia, Magdaline, Isabella,
Eliza, Isabel, Cinderella;
Felicia, Alice, Gladys, Bertha,
Eleanor, Ursula, Clarissa, Martha;
Juliet. Adelina, Venus, Amelia,
Georgianna, Rosamond, Violet, Adeiia;
Daisy, Ethel, Bridget, Annie,
Eve, Eliza, Clothilde, Fanny;
Angelica, Mercy, Angelina,
Nancy, Gwendolyn, Christina.
Arnold, Anthony, Feter, Paul,
Christopher, Isaac, Hobart, Saul;
Clement. Conrad, David. Silas,
Dennis, Richard, Francis, Cyrus;
Edmund, Edward, George, Adolphus,
Edgar, Edwin, Luke, Augustus;
Ferdinand, Henry, Harry, Rudolf,
Julian, Julius, Gerald, Adolph;
Hiram, Ebner, Kenneth, Giles,
Nathan, Reuben, Percy, Miles;
Frederick, Everard, Felix, Justin,
Eustace, Ernest, Evan, Austin;
Peleg, Owen, Grover, Victor,
Gregory, Hilary, Jacob, Hector;
Francis, Elijah, Benjamin, Thomas,
Alphonso, Alexander, 171111301 , Morris;
Augustus, Samuel, Abraham, Ahram,
Arthur, Alfred, Albert, Adam;
Mathew, Mark, Mathias, John,
Columbus, Cyril, Jonathan;
Basil, Robert, Thaddens, Horae*
Raphael, Simon, Asa, Maurice;
Timothy, Solomon, Esau, Lewis;
Gustavus, Goddard,Harold, Lucas;
Jasper, Joseph, Allan, Elias,
Jonah, Titus, Hugh, Tobias;
Roderick, Charles, Theobald, Herman,
Roger, Roland, Rodney, Aaron:
Sebastian, Stephen, Guy, Cornelius,
Tbaodore, Tracy, Ralph, Theophilus;
Jacob, James, Jerome, Job, Geoffrey,
Reginald, Philip, Raymond, Humphrey;
Walter, Reynold, Randall, Joshua,
Randolph, Richard, Michael, Esau;
Patrick, Philebert, Lucian, Andrew,
Leonard, Orville, Frank, Bartholomew;
Nicholas, Oliver, Martin, Godfrey,
Manuel, Daniel, Eben, Jaffrey,
Eugene, Ebenezer, Aaron, Ethelbert,
Simon, Gilbert, Hubert, Herbert.
— H. C. Dodge, in Detroit Free Press.
PITH AID POIIT.
Glass eyes ought to be made of peer
glass.
The careless servant is a great piece
maker in the household.
The silence that speaks—The conversa¬
tion between two deaf mutes.
The mariner is always glad to see a
lighthouse, but this cannot be said of the
actor.
“Has Charlie a sister?” “No, but ha
is going to have one as soon as he pro¬
poses tome.”— Life.
“Buy your leave, sir,” as the landlord
remarked when he paid an undesirable
tenant to vacate.— Siftings.
Old Bore—“Which party in the
church do you favor most?” She—“I
prefer a wedding party.”— Fun.
Jones—“I’ve just been engaged in a
shady transaction.” Brown—“Why,
how was that?” Jones—“I bought an
awning.”
Guest—“See here, waiter! There’s a
pin in this soup. Suppose I had swallowed
it?” Waiter—“It wouldn’t have hurt,
yer, sah. Don’t you notice that it am a
safety pin, sah?”— Epoch.
Ten Thousand Quarts of Air.
The following anatomical and physio
logican memorandum will be of interest ’
to our readers and serve a useful purpose
as a matter of reference; “In each respir¬
ation an adult inhales one pint of air.
Man respires 16 to 20 times a minute, or
20,000 times a day; a child, 25 to 35
times a minute. While standing the adult
respiration is 22, wMle lying 13. The
superficial surface of the lungs, i. e., of
their alyeolar space, is 200 square voids.
The amount of air inspired in 24 hours is
about 10,000 quarts.
“The amount of oxygen absorbed in
24 hours is 500 litres (744 grams), and
the amount of carbonic acid expired in
the same time 400 litres (911.5 grams).
Two-thirds of the oxygen absorbed in 24
hours is absorbed during the night hours,
from 6 p. m. to 6 a. m. Three-fifths of
the total CO is thrown off in the day
time. The pulmonary surface gives off
150 grams of water daily in the state of
vapor. An adult must have at least 360
litres of air in an hom. The heart sends
through the lungs S00 quarts of blood
hourly and 5000 gallons daily. The dura¬
tion of inspiration, if five-twelfths whole of ex¬
piration seven-twelfths, of the re¬
spiratory act. During sleep inspiration
occupies ten-twelfths of the respiratory
period. ’’—American Analyst.
Cold Comfort.
The Ice.
The price. _
This is an illustrated “pome,” and is
especially applicable to the present sea¬
son .—.Rutland Telegram.