Newspaper Page Text
THE LINCOLNTON NEWS
VOLUME VII. NUMBER 43.
Fl/tj millions more are added to New
STork city’s taxable property this year.
It is proposed now in France toj, sub¬
stitute death by electricity for’the guillo¬
tine.
» The latest syndicate is one organized
to include all the glass works in the
country.
Canada will soon have an independent
Atlantic cable to England,the $2,000,000
required having being nearly all sub¬
scribed. ;
J
Oklahoma was an unsettled wilderness
but a few weeks ago, yet it managed to
have the biggest Fourth of July accident
Df the year. •
Over 20,000 French people have been
induced to emigrate to the Argentine
Republic, and about' the same numboi
would be awfully glad to get back to
France again.
The _ daily ^
consumption of crude and
finished iron, of cheap dry goods and oi
shop and mill products generally, e ■” is
growing with amazing rapidity in all the
Western and Southern States.
Dr. Felix L. Oswald predicts in the
North American Review that the progress
of forest destruction will before long re¬
duce a large area of our farm lands to
the necessity of artificial irrigation.
At present the exports of the United
States to Chili are not far from $3,000,.
’
000 nno per and ■■ imports • from , %
year, our that
busiest and most thriving of South Ameri
can republics are a little less than this
sum.
London Justice says that all the people
now living in the world, or about 1,400,
000,000, could find standing room within
the limits of a field ten miles square,and,
by aid of a telephone, could bo addressed
by a single speaker.
English investments in Alexico seem .to
be increasing with the regularity oi
arithmetical progression. In 1886 they
reached two and a half million sterling;
in 1887, five millions, and last yeai
nohrly eleven millions.
Tlio. Philadelphia. Record declares thal
“wMle the sunflower and the lily have
their-- enthusiastic admirers and advo
. cates, the laurel is gaining ground as the
most appropriate American national
flower. If a vote should be taken it is
probable that the laurel would have a ma
io,.* .ve r all flora, corapetitim. ”
; ‘ --- 5
_ Th* ; state of anarchy
in Hayti is pro
ducing its natural results. Trade is
paralyzed and the lack of all security for
property I. fo.d.g .11 (oreig. merch.rrt,
out ef the country? Provisions are as dear
as they were in tli^early mining days in
• California, and the people are in a bad
Way,' for they are without food or money.
The lot of the Alaiue peddler is not now
is happy as it has beeu. A law has gone
into effect which makes it incumbent i
upon persons pursuing ® that avocation iu j
the Ping ... t Tree „ q. State . to provide themselves , j
with a paper certifying to their good j
moral Character and to the fact that they j
are American citizens. The peddler who i
lacks such a passport is to be prohibited I I
1
from peddling. j
Missouri .. is of ^ the few „ States in the !
one j
. Union which continues to pay bounties on :
wolf scalps. A St. Louis paper explains i
that during the war men were so busy !
hunting men that- they paid no attention i
to wolves, which increased so rapidly as |
to make sheep-raising impracticable in j
some of the southern counties. Iu five
out $1,500,000 for wolf scalps Tsr* at $3 per !
scalp. The St. Louis editor says it ’ will ;
take another million and a half to exter- ;
minate the wolves of Alissouri. :
south ;
The Giant Diamond, lately discovered j
,
in Cape Colony, South Africa, and now
at the Paris Exposition, weighs 180 ,
carats, and is valued at $3,000,000. It *
is kept in a glass case by itself and guar
dians stand around it all day. At night '
it is placed in a big safe, which is simi
larly guarded all night. It is said to be
of the first water, and as pure as the fa
mous Regent in the French Crown dia
monds. It is for sale, and it is confident
ly expected that some American in home
spun clothes and a slouch hat will come
along one of those days and buy Tt as a
pocket piece.
A scientific authority has figured out
the best average time run by trains, in
Europe, England and America, and shows
that in Europe tho best average has been
attained by one of the French railroads,
which made an average of fifty-six and
fraction miles. There are four roads'
represented in the United States, and
while the New York: Ce^ral does not
show the fastest average Speed for any
distance, it leads the van With an average
speed of 41 8-10 miles per hdur for-439
miles, which is about the distance be¬
tween New York and Buffalo, and tho
Longest distance represented.
devoted to the interest of Lincoln COUNTY.
THE WATER LILY.
O star on the breast of the river,
O emblem o^bloom and grace,
Did you fall right down out of heaven,
Down out of the sweetest place!
You are white as the thought of an angel,
Your heart is steeped In the sun,
Did you grow in the beautiful city,
My pure and radiant one?
Nay'’ffiay i I fa* not out of heaven,
None gave mi my saintly white,
I slowly grew in the darkness, i
Down in the silent night. i
From the ooze of the slimy river
I won my beauty and grace,
, White souls fall not, my poet,
They rise to the sweetest place.
~M. M. Merrill, in Once a Week.
WINNING AND LOSING.
They hung, heavy plumes of purple,
ov er the little gateway on that bright
afternoon—the 1st of June. A charitable
breeze swept one scented bunch of bloom
. a bit aside, just out of the reach of a lit
tie white hand that had a moment before
ratWessJy But the stripped of off the half hand its blossoms.
torned owner had already
about, with a toss of her black
aud a °f ber pink calico dress,
that scared the butterflies; and before the
branch swung back she was hastening up
the ,, . . ~
trim garden path and flinging back a
sharp speech over her shoulder at a tall
sunburned young fellow who, with a
. _ _____ _
^’ 8t °° d the gate ‘
“Oh, watching her
it don’t matter what I think 1
Indeed, I don’t think at all. You may
take whom you like to the next May
dance—you won’t take me!”
was' J. 4 . such^a suc!l 8 P rett y shoulder ther over
®
” as SUCJ1 a r <>sy flush of anger on the
round cheek, half veiled in curls, that it
is no bonder John Armitage (the hand
somc > sun -browned young fellow) took
two or three steps in pursuit of the
speaker; but he stopped, drew himself
up with sudden pride, and said one re
proachful word;
“Nancy 1"
The one addressed wavered a little in
her retreat, then resumed it with in
creased celerity.
“Will you stop and listen to me?” the
young man asked, Ms rising indignation
somewhat modifying his tone of appeal.
“No! ’ and the pink calico swept the
myrtles on either side of the walk faster
yet.
‘Very well” was the angry response, as
he 'who had pleaded turned toward the
gate. “But mark my words, you’ll be’
sorry for tMs before these bushes here”_
brushing the low sprays sharply aside—
“are out of bloom! Now* good byi’*
Nancy, peering from behind a curtain
aftef’ his retreating figure, cried, Per
haps the soliloquy will tell why.
“Well, it’s all over between us now,
any way. It’s his fault, too. He’d no
business to take any one to the May dance
1 cou ^ u ’ t £°- I shouldn’t wonder
2' £SS
rthd he’ll crow over me finely. He’ll try
to make me jealous.” Here Nancy had a
5 pasm of crying. “See if I won’t make
bil P, J ealous first!”
,»«„*, C’.M
in a jaunty blue dress that set off well her
creamy cheeks, complexion, dark curls and tinted
she started for the town. The
___
Smctoriie prllZusvow
of buildings opposite the hotel, one of
which ■’ w as occupied by Dr. Aliles Gray,
But the face of the building was blank
and the surgery blinds lowered; so, with
brpith^NTW breath, Nancy went cxc f awn on f to 0 the -’ 1 under Postoffice, her
where, getting no letter, she turned dis
contentedly toward home,
Tlie Fates forbade her. She had not
® before c ® om Pjjsh«l the hghfc n roll quarter of wheels of the made distance
turn her head her
and start perceptibly,
In a moment more young Dr. G«y, whose
natt y phaston was the envy of all the
men, and whose fascinating smile had
won tlle hearts of all the women, had
dra w n VP his horse at her side, had leaped
!!!■' and T ? ad ^ a f e d eagerly, of
driving ° P easure
you home?”
The color brightened in Nancy’s
cheeks, the light in her eyes, as she as
sen tod with a charming smile; and in a
the road > and the blue*ribbons'were blown
against . the doctor’s
shoulder.
Dr. Gray was young, handsome, not
deficient in brains, with private income
to P reveat .Ui m from being tragic
ally earnest in lus profession, and very
much in love with the coquettish bit of
womanhood by his side. As for Nancy,
g hc was a little afraid of the gray eyes
? hat coldd b N quizzical as well as admir
cu^the corners oTtt blaclmSehe!
But Nancy was without a lover just then,
toe doctor was a “catch,” and so she
laughed and chattered as the bay horse
trotted along.
The farm-house came in sight too soon,
and the doctor stopped midway in a
speech to inquire, “won’t you take a
longer ride? It’s such a beautiful after
noon!”
Nancy, demurred, as in duty bound.
“I—don’t know. I think it must be
—almost tea-time.”
The doctor laughed and held his watch
before her. It was precisely 4.
“Qbf well then”-began Nancy
somewhat confused. “But ain’t these
your “Confound visiting hours?"
mented the doctor my visiting hours!” com
to himself. Aloud he
said: “I’m sometimes obliged to break
through ^
my hours. I am going now to
see a—-patient on the outskirts of the
town. ’ So they drove
The on.
in “patient” could hardly have been
a critical state! The doctor, leaning
back in the carriage, let. t-lie reins lie loose
on the horse’s back as they paced slowly
the on thiougn the shady wood roads, while
warm breeze fluttered light curls
across Nancy’s arch black eyes, and the
blue silk parasol had to be held up to
keep doctor the sun from her rosebud of a face.
Tho had a lurking fear that Nancy
LINCOLNTON , GEORGIA, FRIDAY, AUGUST 30, 1889.
was rustic and ignorant; but ah! she was
so pretty I
How far they rode in this lazy way,
wholly wrapped in conversation, is not
known. How far they would have ridden
is uncertain, if Nancy had not sent a mis¬
chievous glance straight into the gray
eyes and inquired:
“Why, where does that patient of
yours live?"
The doctor laughed frankly, coloring
nevertheless.
“I see you understand the ‘ways that
are dark and the. tricks that are vain’
pretty well, Miss Nancy. And now I
don’t dare to- tell you what I was going
to do before yofijjpoke.”
“What wak it?" queried Nancy, curi¬
ous and conscious.
“It was,” said the doctor, bending his
own face closer to the curl-shaded one at
Us own side, “that I wish I had the
right to keep you with me always. Miss
Nancy, *ill you look at me—will you let
me?”
Nancy turned her face away.
“You do not answer me, Nancy,”
urged the doctor.
Still she remained silent.
The doctor was perplexed: He was
not used to deal with young ladies who
could not find words to say ay or nay.
If the truth must be told, his greatest
difficulty in Ms flirtations with the softer
sex was to find the measure of their
tongues, and to keep them within the
limits of “becoming mirth” when he
made myriads of them blush by popping
the question in that crafty way wMch ex¬
presses a great deal and yet means so
very little.
“Come, pet,” he urged, this time tak¬
ing Nancy’s delicate little hand within
his own, and giving the keenest of keen
glances direct into her glittering orbs,
which were strangely excited in the in¬
tensity of their fire and restlessness.
Nelly was suffering from what novelists
call a revulsion of feeling, and moralists
a twinge of conscience. Her heart mis¬
gave itself, and her better nature told
her, in trumpet tones, that she was play¬
ing false to the dearest interests of her
own impulses.
It was this silent but powerful monitor
which kept her in a state of complete be¬
wilderment^ which she dared not eom
mit herself on the instant to a word,
even, wMch might not be recalled in the
future.
Her hand felt a tender press from the
doctor’s. Aluch against her will—she
forced herself to do it—she returned it
and leaned her head on Ms shoulder,
drawing at the same time a long, melan¬
choly sigh.
“Silence gives consent,” muttered Dr.
Gray to himself. He had no notion
what was passing iu Nelly’s mind. He
could not read her soul in her eyes, even
were he a physiognomist, since they were
fixed on the ground, and defied all his
efforts to attract them upward, It was
to her a moment of bitter reflection,
wMch pride and self-esteem stifled on
the instant.
It was well thii the doctor did not
guess why, amfdst -Nancy’s bright
filled blushes, ivitli her lips, quivorijd and her eyes
tears. She had made up her
mind to accept the doctor; but in this
decisive moment tlie thought of John
Armitage sent a pang, cruel in intensity,
through her heart. Then came the
memory of their yesterday’s quarrel, and
Nancy faltered, with a struggling smile:
“I—I don’t know.”
She did know when, in the late
twilight, she and the doctor walked to¬
gether in the dusky sitting-room at homo,
where her father was dozing nud her
thsir mother knitting, to ask their consent and
blessing.
“Dear me!" said the good farmer, rub¬
bing his eyes. “Two such pieces of news
iu one day’s curious hereabout. I heard
only an hour since that Johnnie Armitage
is a-goin’ to Australia to farm on his own
acconnt. Nancy I thought, too, that he and
fancied each other, but here she’s
wantin’ to marry another man. It’s curi¬
ous 1”
Nancy had taken her hand from the
doctor’s arm and had sat down iu the
window. She heard, mistily, comments
and congratulations; she answered ques¬
tions, laughed at jokes. She walked
down to the gate with the doctor when he
left, and stood there under the lilacs, his
arm about her,replying to his tender talk;
but wheu he, was gone, leaving a farewell
kiss on her lips, she rushed upstairs, and
threw herself on the bed in a perfect
agony of sobbing that she could hardly
stifle in the pillow.
The story of the next week is hack¬
neyed. Such happenings are too com¬
mon. . Nancy came and went like a ghost
of herself; but the' whole town was
gossiping hefcevidences over her engagement, and
of trouble were ascribed to
the “queerness of a girl just engaged.”
Old Airs. Armitage ran over one after¬
noon to tell the Evanses that John
going on Alonday, and she hoped he
would manage to call aqd bid them good
by ; and cried because her pet son was
going away, and was cool and sharp to
Nancy, evidently suspectiug that she was
the cause.
Peshaps light natures suffer most over¬
whelmingly. Often in the beautiful
June days Nancy, all alone, in some
shadowy, grassy place, with sunbeams
shimmering dim, above, would wonder in a
childish way if she would not “die
when John went.” Only one hope was
left: .John was coming to say good-by.
Oh, if she could only let him know how
it really was! But how could she? and
she would look down despairingly at the
little gold circlet on her linger.
Sunday afternoon John finally came.
Nancy, sitting in the parlor with the
doctor, caught a glimpse of the weil
Kuown figure at the gate under the lilacs
again. For a moment the room whirled
round and she was deathly white; then
she rose mechanically, saying that she
bid Mr. Armitage good-by, and
went out to the doorway, where John
was greeting her parents and warding off
the Newfoundland with a laugh.
“Yes,” ho was replying as Nancy
up, “they say there’s a pretty*good
chance out there for a young fellow with
health and energy—How do you do, Miss
Nancy?—and I’ve always been enter
»risin«; so I mean to try it,”
pieces _ Nancy stood pulling the rose vines in
while for half an hour the others
talked crops, politics and prospects. She
could not have spoken for her life,though
she longed to speak as a condemned
criminal longs to asks mercy. Not once
did John turn his obstinate auburn head
to look at or speak to her—and at last he
rose while to go. He interrupted himself,
lands, detailing “Good-by” particulars about grazing
to say while he just
touched her hand. If he had looked at
her, the miserable, pathetic look of ap¬
peal on her cMldish face would have gone
straight to his heart. But he did not
dare to look, and turning away abruptly,
walked down the garden path with the
garrulous old farmer hobbling by his side.
Nancy had just time to escape her
mother’s eye by running up the stairs.
She did not faint; but Heaven forbid that
girls should often know such misery as
she suffered then! When she at last
joined the doctor, as in duty bound, the
stunned look on her face was pitiful.
“She was not well,” she said, in answer
to his alarmed queries.”
It was Nancy who proposed that they
should go to church that evening. In the
corner of the high old pew, with her veil
hiding her face, she could at least be
quiet, and one more hour of effort would
have been insupportable. Mrs. Armitage
was alone in her pew and cried silently
all through the senuce. Nancy’s heart
so went out to the poor woman that when
they met in the aisle she pressed hex
hand impulsively, saying in a quick whis¬
per, “3Irs. Armitage, I am sorry for
you!”
“I don’t want any of your sorrow!"
was the sharp response. “It's fine tc
talk, but you and I know well enough
who’s the cause of it all. One word from
you would stop it now if you were ‘sorry'
enough!”
Poor Nancy! The clock was on the
stroke of 11 that night when her lovei
(the doctor) finally took his leave, and
she was free to pace the moonlit sitting
room from end to end with set lips and
wide, glittering eyes, ghe did not cry.
She felt as if she was going crazy, and in
her desperation she did not care if she
did. Hour after hour passed, and still
she paced there, till her rigid face showed
wbitely in the first faint gray of morning.
“Oh, would he go?—could he go?—
would nothing happen to stop him?”
Scarcely knowing what she was doing
Nancy, hatless, slipped through the door,
and trailing her dainty blue skirt through
the grass ran across the fields to the
Armitages’.
It was all still, and dark, and dewy-,
She heard the town clock strike 3 as sh<
paused on the outskirts of the old-fash¬
ioned flower-garden behind the house,
and shrank behind a hedge of blossomy
lilacs, whose .potent odor sickened her.
Suddenly she saw him for whom she
watched quickly approach the spot, and
he stood with folded arms looking down
at her a moment before his amazement
found vent in the exclamation, “Nancy!”
He had never seen such utter abandon
and agony of shame as that with which
the poor little maiden hid her face and
cowered in the wet grass, with the cry,
“Oh, what shall Ido? Don’t speak to
me! Go away!” and burst into a storm
of tears.
For answer ho gathered the little wet
figure in his arms, smoothed the tum¬
bled curls, tried to warm the icy hands,
and did not dare to question, while he
soothed her in his tenderest way.
“Take me home,” said Nancy, as soon
as she found strength to speak at all.
“I shall do no such thing,” was the
decided answer, as John’s disengaged
hand lifted her face so that he could see
it, “till you tell me why you came.
Nancy, I couldn’t help hoping "make a little
when I saw you here. Don’t me
give it up! I thought my pride would
support me through anything, but I am
afraid it won't,” he ended sadly.
“I’m so glad it won’t,” breathed Nan¬
cy, in tones of heartfelt relief. “But
somebody’ll see us. Take me home,
John, and I’ll tell you all about it.”
How different seemed the way home,
with John at lier side. But Nancy was
in no hurry to “tell all about it.” She i
only said, nervously, holding John’s j
hand in hers: “Promise me you won’t i
go away!” !
“Ah, but I want another promise
first.”
Nancy looked back at the plumy |
hedge, whose shelter they had left, and 1
said, with a half smile: “Y’ou see the j
lilacs ain’t out of bloom yet, John, and 1
am—sorry, as you said I’d be!”
“And the doctor?” asks the critical
reader.
Ah, Nancy-is no model of maiden
hood. She is only a faulty young girl,
erring, and loving,’and suffering, play- : 1
ing her part in one of the tragedies that
are played everywhere in the springs and
autumns, in the time of snow-drifts at
well as in the time of lilacs .—New York
World.
Making Castor t Oil.
The process of manufacturing the oil
is very simple. The beans are ground
uphue and put « horsehair bags. In
this shape they are crushed under a pow
erful press, giving out m oil about one
third of their weight. 1 lie dry pulp, ;
calied “pumice, is sold for fertilizing j
The oil is filtered and finally bleached, if i
for medical use, by exposure to the sun s |
rays under glass. The amount of castor l
oil employed for medicine, however, is !
trifling compared to crafts. the quantity con- j |
sumed in mechanical For lubri- j
eating leather it is uuequaled, while its
properties as an “alizarine assistant” are :
incomparable. Alazarine is an element j
found m coal tar, from which all the «
brilliant “madder-colors ’are obtained by j
chemical means. These coal tar tints are
used for printing textile fabrics, with an I
of castor oil to make their ■
working easier. , j
In India castor oil is used for burning i
lamps. The art of making it from the !
beans is of recent discovery. The an- J
were accustomed to administer the
seeds whole for medicine. At firstheat j
employed in the crushing of the
beans, but this injured the quality of the ;
oil, while during the process a volatile :
principle escaped, irritating that the -
so
workmen were compelled to wear pro
testing masks —Washington Star.
BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM
VARIOUS SOURCES.
But a Moment—Knew What He
ed—Fully Answered—A Thought- -
ful Agent—True Generosity—
Taken at Her Word,'Etc.
I saw her but a moment *
Beneath the apple tree,
There wag no one to listen
No eyes were there to see.
I heard her soft voice singing
Her song was one of love:
Her bright eyes seemed to borrow
light from the stars above.
I saw her but a moment, •
Aa ’neath the .
tree dm. sat;
■ I threw a poker at her—
(She was my neighbor’s cat).
Pick-Me-Up.
KNEW WHAT HE WASTED.
“Is there anything I can do for you?”
asked Sirs. Cumso tenderly, when her
husband was suffering from seasickness.
“What do you want?”
“I want the earth,” gasped Cumso, as
he again leaned over the rail .—New
Bun.
FULLY ANSWERED.
Teacher—“Who can giveme the
of three animals that live in Africa?”
Little Harry—“I can, sir.”
Teacher—“Very well, do so.”
Little Harry—“Two monkeys and
parrot.”
A THOUGHTFUL AGENT.
Mrs. Younghusband—‘ ‘This girl is too
young for a nurse. She is hardly taller
than thebaby itself.”
Madame O’Rourke (of the Continental
Employment Agency)—“Sure then, mad¬
am, if she drops the baby it won't have
so far to fall .”—Fliegende Blaetter.
TRUE GENEROSITY.
Airs. Blinkers—“Well, did you go to
the doctor to see about that bee sting on
little Johnny?”
Air. Blinkers—“Yes, he said we should
put mud on it. He charged me two dol¬
lars for the prescription, but he gave me
the mud for nothing.” — New York
'Weekly.
TAKEN AT HE R WORD.
. “And Oh, Uncle Silas, I had such a
lovely time last summer. Four other
Vassar girls and myself took a tramp P
through the Catskills.”
“Um-m-m 1 But do you believe,
beth, that the tramp enjoyed it?”— Time.
* • AFTER THE QUARREL.
Alother—“Now,girls,as you’ve finished
your daily quarrel, .suppose you go and
eat some dinner.”
Arabella (sarcastically)—“Oh, I sup¬
pose you want us to swallow our feud.”
—Life.
NEGLECTING HIS DUTY,
t ‘I tMnk the man in the moon must be
sick or lazy,” said Johnny Traddles one
dark moonless night.”
“Why, my boy?” asked his mother.
“Because he hasn’t lit her up to-night. ”
—Bazar.
DECIDEDLY REALISTIC.
Airs. Flippermore (to watchmaker who
knows but little about gems)—“Air.
Fixom, I have a very fine catseye. How
would you advise me to have it set?”
Air. Fixom—‘ ‘I would fix it on a little
mouse.”— Jewelers’ Weekly.
SIMPLE ARITHMETIC.
“What is the difference between these
ten-cent cigars and this twenty-five cent
brand?” asked an innocent customer of
the honest dealer.
“Fifteen cents, sir,” said the honest
dealer, with a sigh .—Soinercille Journal.
WITHOUT CHANGE.
Louis.” Tramp—“Gimme er ticket fer St.
”” Ticket Agent—‘ ‘Where’s ?”
Tramp—“I your money
ain’t seed er cent fer er
munth.”
Ticket Agent—“Pass on then; don’t
keep people waiting. I don’t give out
tickets unless they are paid for.”
Tram}:—“Then whudder yer keep that
Agu up fur, ‘Ter all P’ints West an’ Sout’
Widout Change?’ "—Town Topics.
-
circumstances alter cases.
Prudish and Homely Sister—“Y’ou
ought not look in the mirror so much. It
gives one the idea that you are vain. I
never do it as much as you.”
Pretty Sister “I wouldn’t either, if I
were in your place. I don’t like to
Mortify myself.” __’ Yankee Blade
a paying JOB.
“Who is that fellow I saw 3 vou speaking 1 3
with? „
“ 0 h. ’ ^d that is Brown- splendid
c 0 S a big to kry.”
“What’s his business?”
„ He is head establishment.’’-^ston cutter in Snipper’s misfit
wlori Tran
^ F
_
Outcast—“Please, mum, could you
^ ^ e 'P an elevator unfortunate and laid man who for six was caught
Old an Lady—“Poor up here’s months?” dollar
man; a
A 08 ;, Hcw you happen to get
ca ”S“*\ doll ^Thepohce -
wuz tc> o quick 7*° for |ne, ^ ar— Time.
mum. —
~ '
NO hero. '
“Grandpa,” asked Georgie, who fond
ly believed his aged grandparent was a
Revolutionary hero, “how many British
ers did you kill?”
“Oh, about seventy-five,” replied the
old “Pbh! man, desiring to humor the boy.
what was the matter with you?
were you too tired to fight?”— Bazar.
-
en famille.
tfo Visitor-r-'fOh, Aliss Smith, what can
the matter? Hear those fiendish yells
9 j laughter in the next room.”
Miss 8.—“That’s my brother; he’s a
poet; he is reading ids tragic verse.”
Visitor—“But the" laughter?”
Miss S.—“That's my younger brother,
listening to it.”— Epoch.
* WHAT THEY WERE DOESO.
First Barnstormer—“Don’t them jays
never get enough of a good thing? Pd
think that' after the curtain had been
down ten minutes they would know
enough to let up on their applause.”
Second Barnstormer (who had been
there before)—“You sucker, they ain’t
applauffing, they’re killing mosquitoes.”
gaatsgj. 5G OF THE TROUBLE. #
Fplice Judge—“Did you see the be
ginning of this trouble?”
Witness—“Yes, sir; I saw the very
commencement. It was about two years
ago.”
Police Judge—“Two years ago?”
Witness—“Yes, sir. The minister
said, ‘Will you take this man to be your
lawful husband?’ and she said, ‘I will. 9 97
—Nebraska State Journal.
VERY VICE.
Visitor—“How are the young couple
coming on?”
Mother-in-law — “Splendidly, Just
think of it. My son-in-law has got a
position in a dynamite factory with a
salary of .$75 a week, and if begets blown
up my daughter Laura gets $6000 dam¬
ages. Can you imagine anything nicer?”
— Siftings.
WOULD BE BOLDER NEXT TIME.
Bloodgood—“I understand that Brown
was married yesterday. ’’
Poseyboy—“Yes; I was there.’’
ding, Bloodgood—“Rather of a quiet wed¬
wasn't it?”
bride Poseyboy—“Decidedly! and Both the
groom were so scared that they
could hardly speak above a.whisper.”_
Burlington Free Press.
A SAD ALTERNATIVE.
heaven Daughter sake, (her Charlie, father a here dentist)—“For
s comes my
father! If he finds us together we are
lost.”
Charlie—“What shall Ido?"
“Either ask for my hand in marriage,,
or else sit down in this chair and let him
pull a couple of teeth to disarm suspicion.”
— Siftings.
e l ighted
j f T t-., Et ^ e }_‘'f 1 c . 1B P e er b ] ig ^ ted Callow, „ ,, 0Te
1 must to a passionate t and finely strung
: a fearful and maddenlng ex ’
'
Cholly Callow—“I—w—think, Miss
Ethel, that a—w—feller ought to get
fat on it, doncher know.”
“Fat? How ridiculous! Why?”
‘ ‘Because, he—aw—increases. in sighs,
doncher know. ” She never spoke sifter
that.— Time.
A GOOD KICKER.
Well, sir,” said the old gentleman,•in¬
dignantly, ‘ ‘what ara- you doing around
here again? I thought the delicate hint I
gave iast you just as you left the front door
night would give you to understand
that I don't like you very well.” And the
speaker looked at Ms boot in a remin¬
iscent Way.
“It did,” said the young man,as a look
of mingled pain and admiration came over
his face. “But I thought I would come
and ask you-”
“Ask me what?”
“If you wouldn't like to join our foot¬
ball association ?”—Boston Beacon.
an rxisuAL expedient,
Dashley—“Queer things people dis
cover when they are living at boarding
houses. At dinner at my boarding
house, yesterday, I stuck my fork into a
piece of pie and brought up a collar but
ton that I lost a week ago.”
Snaggs—“That s notMng. I lifted off
the top of my peach pie at my board
ing house, yesterday, and what do you
suppose-there was in it?”
Dashley-—“I give it up. A silk um
brella, perhaps.
Snaggs—“No^r; Dashley (increwalously)—“Aw, peaches.” whal
arc you giving meU^-fJosfwn Beacon.
-
thought the tianist was executed,
“Well,” said Uncle Hiram, who used
to belong to a singing club in his early
1 days, “I never heard a woman Boston" plav like
that woman we heard in that
night. It was just awful. My ears ache
even now.”
i “Yes.” replied Ms nephew; “she was
■ rather loud, that’s a fact. But then her
j execution-”
“George!” exclaimed the old gentle
mall > as Ue seized Ms nephew by the arm,
“von don’t mean to say that they went so
far as that? Well, ’tisn’t for me to judge
them. I only heard her once. It seems
terrible—a woman, too; but then they
had to listen to her every night. And
they won’t have to hear her again. Per
Gaps it is all for the best, George.”
Boston Transcript.
'
-•
.
no clothes nor cold, victuals.
Au oW fanner ueu Castile not only
keeps five or six dogs as a protection
against tramps but he owns a bull which
better fun than ' to give a
*w war( q One dav last
‘" t h makinsr £3 short
W»J^ld „ nrin w 0 iThtteluSl was a
buU rus hing for him like a wild lo
eomot j ve . He had about fifteen rods to
^thirty, .,•« to reach an apple treq,-while the bull
aud the tramp got there first.
j t was lucky he did, for the whole pack
0 f ( ] 0 gs made a spring '’the for his heels as
they tt ? ere drawn U p off grass. He
sat ‘there on a limb, the bull pawing and
r oarin<>- and the dogs barking came^dowD and-growl
j n g,.and presently the farmer
alongside the fence and called out:
“Say, you!”
“Yes.”
uala?”" “Want: any old clothes or cold vict
'
u N0) j g 01 p fc waut but one thing on
earth ” j eplicd the tramp. '
“What's that?”
“Lend me yer balloon and ticket me
for Pennsylvania.”—Now York Sun. -
Subscription: $1.25 in AdTasce.
OKRBXAOW.
** - — >
She wanders up and down the main
Without a master, nowhere bound; ; .
The currents'tart: her round sodround,
Her track is like a tangled «kein^
, And never helmsman by his cba<%
So strange a way as hers mey rteev
To enter port or to depart - J
For any harbor, far or neaa
The waters clamor at her ride*
The winds ary through-her cojdagtftotn.
The last sail hangs, to tatters worm
Upon the waves the vessel ridea
This way or that, as winds may SUSi,
In ghastly dance, when airs blow halm,
Or held in deep lethargic-calm,
Or fury hunted, wild, adrift.
When south winds blow, does she recall
Spices and golden fruit in store?
Or north winds met off Labrador,
The iceberg's iridescent wall?
Or east, the isles of Indian seas?
Or west, new ports and sails unfurled?
Her voyages all around the world
To mock her with old memories?
For her no lighthouse sheds a ray
Of crimson warning from its tower; *"
No watchers wait in hope the hour
To greet her coming up the bay;
No trumpet speaks her, hearty, hoarse;
Or if a Captain hail at first,
He sees her for a thing accurst,
And turns his own ship from her course.
Alone in desperate liberty
She forges on; and how she fares
No man alive inquires cares f.
or <
Though she were sunk beneath the sea.
Her helm obeys no firm control,
She drifts, a prey for storms to take,
For sands to clutch, for rocks to bren.fr,
A ship condemned, like a lost soul.
—Portland Transcript.
PITH AND POINT.
---- -
Paradoxical—Calling tapirdocuments
“briefs."
Has an attachment for his victim—
The constable.
Game law—The unwritten law that
governs a game.
Many fine dinners are served in a course
way.— Picayune.
A business that has its ups and
downs—The drivers.
' The who
wife can retain a sure hold
upon her husband’s heart will never have
occasion to take a grip on Ms hair.—
Omaha Bee.
“Miss Flyte, do you think Miss Giggle
is laughing at me?” “I can’t say, Air.
Softleigh. She often laughs at almost
nothing .”—The Epoch.
He lifts his soul in grateful praise
Because there is no ice,
But later in the season he
Will also lift the price.
—Boston Courier.
The following advertisement recently
appeared in a Western paper: “A middle
aged industrious, woman, who is capable, honest and
but as homely as a stone
fence, wants work.”
Tom—“Hello, Tagg. What’s that
sign on your front door for: ‘No Ad¬
mittance Except on Business?’ ” Tagg—
“There have been so many young men
calling on my daughters, and their visits
have been so fruitless that I have adopted
ihis means to reduce the surplus.”—
Fankce Blade.
m
A Skinless Boy.
William Crawford, the son of
known tug captain of that nmBe/uied
the other afternoon in Chicago. He
bled to death at the nose, but had lost
so much blood previously that the hem¬
orrhage from the nose was not great.
Young Crawford, who was but tweatY
two years of age, v;as peculiarly efflietea.
He had but one skin. Which is to say
that he had no outer skin at all. The
veins stood out all over Ms body in the
plainest manner possible. From the time
he was six years of age young Crawford
had been subject to bleeding spells,
which were liable to break out at any
time and in any part of his body. He
lost vast quantities of blood itQtois way,
an( j was afraid to take any sort'of exer
cise at all, for fear of starting the bleedf
ing afresh. For the past two weeks the
young man had beeu confined to his bed,
being too weak to sit up, even, and
bleeding at the nose having set in he
soon passed away. Physicians were sent
for from various cities in the East, but
they could do nothing for him. Anew
skin could not be grafted on, and it was
but a question of a short time until the
patient would bleed to death.— New York
Toumai.
Watchmakers’ “ 8 a ““ »ewers Ferns, P«ril a
Watchmakers who-do the repairing
have the nail on the right, thumb tMck
eucd and scaly from their manner of
opening watches.. The nails on the
toumb and index finger of the left hand
show at the point where they approach
each other, “in order to hold delicate
pieces, ’ a worn appearance and almost
complete destruction is produced bj the
constant rubbing of the file Seam
stuffs they sometimes poisoned by the
work upon. Alanv instances
f' aVe ocaurred °\ arseuical | oiso “ ng
LW jko sewed green goods,-which is
c ^ red ™ th apical salts. A physician
of Boston found 8.21 grams of it in one
s q uare foot °\. S°f s ' ltcbla g
eczematous eruption, has been produced
^ tissues colored with bright analine
eS- —Washington Star.
-----
Best Tree for Smoky Cities,
The Gardeners’ Chronicle says that the
ginkgo tree is proving itself one of the
. best tr ees for street-planting in smoky
cities, thriving in the most impure
atmospheres, and having as yet been dis- at
tacked by no insect or fungous have
case. In this country, so far as we
learned, no extensive use has beeu made •
of the gingko as a street tree except in
Washington, where of course it is not
subjected to the test of an atmosphere
impregnated with smoke. If it is, in¬
deed- 8ble t0 withstand the most un
favorable conditions, it might be more
generally adopted,- for it, grows rapidly,
sba P° we ^ adapts it for association
with architectural forms, and the peculiar
character of its foliage always makes tt
interesting to the popular eye.