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THE LINCOLNTON NEWS.
VOLUME IX. NUMB ER 3.
THE GREAT SOUTH ABS^RIOAS
NERVINE 11C I
AND—
Stomaeh^Liver Cure
The Most Astonishing Medieal Discovery oi
the Last One Hundred Years. , r
.
i! It I is s P®* Safe 88 and ** to Harmless the Taste as as the the Purest Sweetest Milk.' NectffrA
This wonderful Nervine Tonic has only recently been introduced into
this country by the Great South American Medicine Company, and yet its
great value as a curative agent lias long been known by the native inhab¬
itants of South America, who rely almost wholly upon its great medicinal
powers to cure every form of disease by which they are overtaken.
,.7. ls 1 ?fi! Sr an ^ v ^ ua ^ e American medicine possesses powers and
qualities hitherto * unknown to the medical
completely solved the problem of the of profession. This medicine has
Tp&v?*! .peases of the general cure Nervous Indigestion, System. Dyspepsia, Liver
It also cures all
It performs this by the Great
upon the digestive organs, the stomach, the liver and the bowels. 2v T c remedy
compares with this wonderfully valuable Nervine Tonic as a builder and
tdies cve-i used on this continent. It is a marvelous cure for nervousness
of females of all ages. Ladies who are approaching the critical period known
as change in life, should not fail to use this great Nervine Tonic almost
constantly the danger. ror the space of two or three years. It will carry them safely
value over to the aged and This.great infirm, strenglhener because its and curative is of inestimable
give them a new hold on life. It will add ten great fifteen energizing properties will
many of thoso who will _ naif or years to the lives of
use a dozen bottles of the remedy each year.
^Nervousness CURES
And Broken Constitution,
Nervous Prostration, Debility of Old Age,
Nerves Headache and Indigestion and Dyspepsia,
teiefc Headache, Heartburn and Sour Stomach,
Female Weakness, Weight and Tenderness in Stomach,
All Diseases of Women, Loss of Appetite,
Paralysis, Nervous Chills, Frightful Dreams,
Dizziness and Ringing in the Ears,
Nervous Paroxysms and Weakness of Extremities and
Nervous ilot Flashes, Choking Fainting,
lalpitatioii of the Heart, Impure Boils and Impoverished Blood,
Mental Despondency, and Carbuncles,
Sleeplessness, Scrofulous Scrofula,
XF 1 * :us 3 Dance, Consumption Swelling of and Lungs, Ulcers,
Nervousness ’ of Females, the
of Old Catarrh of the Lungs,
Neuralgia, -Nervousness Age, Bronchitis and Chronic Cough,
I the Heart, Liver Complaint,
Pams ams in the Chronic Diarrhoea,
in Health. Back, j Delicate and Scrofulous Children,
Summer Complaint of Infants.
All these and many other complaints . cured by this wonderful Nervine Tonic,
NERVOUS DISEASES.
As a cure for every class of Nervous Diseases, no remedy has been able
to compare with the Nervine Tonic, which is very pleasant and harmless in
» “ its effects upon the youngest child or the oldest and most delicate individ¬
ual. N ine-tenths of all the ailments to which the human family is heir, are
insufficient dependent on nervous exhaustion and impaired digestion. 'When there is an
the brain, spinal supply of nerve and food in the blood, a general state of debility of
marrow nerves is the result. Starved nerves, like
starved muscles, become strong when the right kind of food is supplied, and
a thousand weaknesses and ailments disappear as the nerves recover. - As the
nervous body system carried must supply it is all first the power by which the vital forces of the
are on, the to suffer for want of perfect nutrition.
Ordinary food does not contain a sufficient quantity of the kind of nutriment
necessary the to repair For the wear our present mode of living and labor imposes
upon nerves. this reason it becomes necessary that a nerve food be
supplied. found, This recent production of the South American Continent has been
is formed. by analysis, This to contain the essential elements out of which nerve tissue
accounts for its magic power to cure all forms of nervous
Cbawfobdstole, Ihd , Aug. 20, ’86.
To the Great South American Medicine Co.:
Dear Gents :—I desire to say to you that I
have suffered for many years with a very seri¬
ous disease of the stomach arid nerves. I tried
every medicine I could hear of but nothing
done me any appreciable good until X was ad¬
vised to try your Great South American Nervine
Tome and Stomach and Liver Cure, and since
using several bottles of it I must say that lam
surprised stomach and at its general wonderful powers to cure the
knew the value of nervous this system. If every¬
one would r.ot be able to supply remedy the demand. as I do, you
Ex-Trcas. J. Montgomery A. Hardee,
Co.
A SWORN CURE FOR ST. VITUS’S DANCE OR CHOREA.
My daughter, CbaWOKDsville, twelve Ind., old, May had 19,1 been 8SG. af¬
flicted several months years with Chorea St.
for or
Vitus’s Dance. She was reduced to a skeleton,
could not walk, could not talk, could not swal
low anything but milk. I had to handle her
. like infant. Doctor and neighbors her
an commenced giving her the South gave
up. X Ameri¬
can Nervine Tonic; the effects were very sur¬
prising. In three days she was rid of the ner
vousness, and completely. rapidly improved. I think Four the bottles South
cured her
American Nervine the grandest remedy ever
discovered, and would recommend it to every
one. Mas. W. 8. Ensbikoeb.
State of Indiana, County, ) ss:
Subscribed Montgomery and J to before this May
sworn me
19,1887. Chas. M. Tea vis, Notary Public.
AND DYSPEPSIA.
The Great South American Nervine Tonic
Which we now offer of you, is the only Dyspepsia, absolutely unfailing remedy ever discov¬
ered for the which cure Indigestion, the result disease and debility the vast train of symptoms
and horrors are of and of the human stom¬
ach. No person can afford to pass by this jewel of incalculable value who it
affected by disease of the Stomach, because the experience and testimony of
thousands go to prove that this is the one and onia’ one great cure in the
world for this universal destroyer. There is no case of unmalignant diseasj
of the stomach which can resist the wonderful curative powers of the South.
American Nervine Tonic.
Harriet E. Hall, of Waynetown, Ind., says;
“I owe my life to The Great South American
Nervine. I had. been in bed for fivo months
from the effects of an exhausted Stomach, In¬
digestion, Nervous Prostration and a general
shattered condition of my whole system. Had
given up all hopes of getting well. Had tried
three doctors with no relief. The first bottle of
the Nervine walk Tonic about, improved and me few so bottles much that cured I
was able to believe a best medicino in
me entirely. I it the
the world. I can not recommend it too highly. ’*
.K.’VKf; Nervine Tonic, and will I
South American in the world. say
consider it the best medicino of children. I
believe it saved the lives of two my
They we're down and I nothing procured appeared this remedy. to do
them any good until rapidly they both
It was very surprising how tho
improved on its use. I recommend medi¬
cine to all my neighbors.
EVERY POTTLE WARRANTED.
Price, Large IS ounce Bottles,, $I-35rt -M T'xiul SlzeqlS ce^ts
QROYflir* MITCHELL. 1
Sole Wholesale fiid Retail Dealers for Lincoln County 3
. d
DEVOTJEl> TO THE INTEREST OF LINCOLN COUNTY.
^Mr. Solomon a Th’c member of the Society
used twelve bottles of Great South Amcrp
can Nervine Tonic and Stomach and Liver Cure,
and I consider that every bottle did for toe ona
hundred dollars worth of good, because I have
not had a good night’s sleep for twenty years
on account of irritation, pain, horrible dreams,
and general nervous prostration, which has
been caused by chronic indigestion and dys¬
pepsia condition of the stomach and by a broken down
of my nervous system. Eu t now lean
lie down and sleep all night as sweetly as a baby,
and X feel like a sound man. 1 do not think
there has ever been a medicine introduced into
this country which will at all compare with
this Nervine Tonic as a euro for the stomach."
Cp.awfop-dsvili.e, Ind., June 22,1887.
My daughter, eleven years old, was severely
afflicted with St. Vitus’s Dance or Chorea. We
gave her three and one-half bottles of South
American Nervine and she is completely re¬
stored. I believe it will cure every case of St.
Vitus's Dance. I have kept it in my family for
two years, and am sure it is the greatest rem¬
edy m the world for Indigestion and Dyspep¬
sia, all forms of Nervous Disorders and Failing
Health from whatever cause.
John T. Hish.
State of Indiana, \ 14 ,
Subscribed Montgomery and County, j to * before
sworn me this Juno
22,18S7. Chas. W. Weight,
Notary Public.
Mrs. Ella A. Bratton, of New Rose, Indiana,
says: “I can not express how much I owe to the
Nervine Tonic. My system was completely
shattered, spirting anpetite blood: gone, was coughing auo.
up am sure I was in the firs 1 ’,
stages of consumption, several an inheritance handed
down through generations. I began
taking for tho about Nervine six months, Tonic and and continued entirely its
use am
cured. It is the grandest remedy for nerves,
stomach and lungs I have ever seen.
coughing when I commenced severely. I only using weighed South 110 American pounds
Nervine. I have used two bottles and n ory
weigh better than 180 pounds, have been and for am five much stronger Am a ,nd
would have lived through years. the Winter sure had
not
I not secured this remedy. My customers see
what it has done for mo and buy it eagerly.
It gives great satisfaction."
LINCOLNTON, GEORGIA, FRIDAY, NOVEMBER II, 1890.
NOBODY KNOWS.
®nly a kiss on the baby’s taco.
Only a kiss with a mother’s grace,
84 simple a thing that the sunbeams laughed
And the bees ha bo-ed from where they
'* quaffed.
Only a kiss, but the face was fair.
And nobody knew what lore was there.
) Nobody knew—but mother.
Only a word to a mother’s joy.
Only a word to her parting boy,
And the changing lights on the window
shone
Asher boy went out in the world alone;
Only a word from a mother brave,
But nobody knew the love it gave.
Nobody knew—but mother.
Only a sigh for a wayward son,
Only a sigh, but a hopeless one.
An 1 the lights burned dimly and shone with
a blur,
Cs_ld a mother condemn? ’tis human to err.
Only a sigh as she took his part;
But nobody knew what it cost her heart;
Nobody knew—but mother.
Only a sob as the tomb doors close,
Only a sob, but it upward rose.
And the lights in the window flickered and
died,
And with them, her hope, her joy, her pride.
Only a sob as she turned away,
But nofcoay knew as she knelt to pray.
Nobody knew—but mother.
—New York Weekly.
A BisAVE DEFENCE.
_ family, , . which consisted
uur of father,
piother, Minnesota myself and nearly sister, had been liv
J?S ' Q two years when
tlie Indians initiated that murderous and
Historic uprising. I was sixteen years
old, and my sister Mamin was twelve.
\Yc were living on a 100-acre farm, six
miles from the nearest village and a mile
from any neighbor, tt e had a snug log
bouse, barns, sheds, etc., and had about
fifty acres in cultivation. Three days
before the outbreak my father had
marched with a company of recruits for
the army, and this same company had
taken almost every able-bodied man out
of our neighborhood. The crops were
to be eft for the wives and children to
hai vest, and the idea of trouble never
entered any one s mind. While Indians
were more numerous than white people,
nobody had reason to fear them. They
IT and so far as C n anybody h -1 w knew, were rnment per- ’
feeltaTtowrd fee T r i tBe th e “‘ erta,ned *!?' fnendl y
My father left home the day , before , ,
&ee nun off. %tT This was t Tr the Dt case alODg with
0Ur settl e f “*•
TTTr vTi in£iJTJ£t! ln0r o . n ?’ . ? d ;
~ ’
. . . , ,1 .. r Indlan r d ,
M Da T,
Long W Walk made his appearance He
had orten called at our house sometimes
his leg, a caused TTu by TT the bite of V*4 a dog, 8016 and
TTIm made T fT im ° int "
ment which was fast healing y it up.
Father had mended his gun for him,
mother had mended his clothes, and
Long Walk was indebted to the family
for many other kindnesses. He was a
man of about forty, very intelligent,
and, as near as we could learn, had never
been married.
I was cutting hay about a quarter of a
mile back of the house, and Mamie was
spreading it to cure, when the Indian
appeared. He had been to the house and
found father and mother gone. When
he came down to us he queried:
“Where father?”
“Gone with the soldiers,” I replied.
“Where mother?”
“She has gone to see father off.”
He looked anxious and troubled, and
when I asked if he would have something
to eat he replied in the negative. He
sat down in the shade of a tree and had
nothing to say for a while. When I re¬
peated my inquiry, and Mamie offered to
cook him some breakfast, he rose up and
replied:
“Come along to cabin.”
When we reached the house he took a
long look up and down the road. It
was sixteen miles to the railroad station
from which the soldiers would depart,
and Long Walk seemed to be wondering
if he should advise us to set out for that
point. After a time he seemed to think
it wouldn’t do, and turned and entered
the house. Our cabin was a two-roomed
affair, with a garret above. There were
two windows in each room below, but
none above. Long Walk examined the
windows, and then went out to a pile of
lumber in the yard and said:
“Get saw—get hammer—get nails—
get boards, and fix windows. Make
everything good to-day.”
“But why?" I naturally asked.
“Suppose bad Indian come to-mor¬
row?” he queried in reply.
“But the Indians won’t hurt us.”
“Don’t know. Indian heap mad. In¬
dian drink heap whisky. Indian may
kill white folks.”
His manner, more than his words, made
me feel that danger menaced us and I
got the tools he asked for and began work
at once. He measured for the windows,
and I sawed off some pieces of'plank.
He then asked for an auger, and before
the pieces were nailed up we cut loop¬
holes in them, two to each window. We
then removed the sashes from the win¬
dows and nailed the planks on the inside.
Long Walk examined the front door,
which was the only one, and by his di¬
rection I re-enforced it and added a
second bar. When this had been done
he asked:
“How much gun in the house __,
“We had a rifle and a sh^gfin, to¬
gether with a.lfiXsWef,"which belonged
to ift a the ypur.jfman who had tvorked for us
spring and was then ou a farm
about ten miles away. I got these arms
together, and Long Walk examined them
with great care. We had two pounds of
powder, a lot of shot and caps, and three
or four bars of lead. He seemed to
satisfied, and theu took me out of doors
and said:
“Bad Indian no come to-dav, but come
to-morrow, (jet plenty of water in
come^shoot him*" T00 ‘'
Indian
‘•Why ■wv? Ut suould * we °” be <ierstaT, afraid ^<” of I the said, In
dians?”
...... Indian heap ma^-—look , , out!” he
re
plied, and with that he staiked away,
and .... would not even turn hi3 . bead when
ca lea to him.
I don’t believe I should have realized
the full significance of his warning had
not an older head come to my assistance.
Mrs. Webster, our nearest neighbor,
whose husband Itad also gone to be
soldier, but who had not gone with
to the station, came over at noon to
row some flour. When I told her
had happened she was very
alarmed. She had heard whispered
of an Indian outbreak, and she
that Long Walk would not have done
be had if there was not imminent dan
ger. She had no children, and was only
a few minutes in deciding to remain with
us until mother returned. I went to her
house and got her double-barrelled shot¬
gun and ammunition, as well as a bundle
of clothes, and when I returned we began
carrying out the instructions of the In¬
dian. The spring was only a hundred
feet from the house. I got on the roof
and water was passed up to me, and I
flung it about until the slabs would soak
in no more. A bonfire on the roof would
scarcely have ignited them. We had two
tubs and several jars. These we filled
and carried into the house.
It was four o’clock in the afternoon
when we were through. I had then
moulded over a hundred bullets for rifle
an d revolver, and we could think of
nothing else to add to our security. What
was a very unusual thing, we had seen
no Indians that day, except Long Walk,
This, as much as that" anything else, satisfied
Mrs. Webster some thing unusual
was on foot. About five o'clock she de
termined to go to her cabin to pack up
and bring away some small articles, and
s h e returned two hour’s later in a state
of great agitation. She had caught sight
of several Indians skulking about,and on
the road had met a squaw, who had
spoken to her in an insultin'* manner, and
tried to take the bundle from her hand.
It was yet dark when we shut the house
up and made ready for the awful trag
®dy which was to be played on the mor
tow ,
VX^taght, j d t , ; , although^tthfi M Wester closed her
eje occm
red to disturb us. Alt and sister and I slept
for raany hours had been daylteht
for an hour when we awoke, and we
were then aroused by the voice of Mrs.
Webster savins • *
“Children! children! The Indians are
con While ,; no .r>
I was dressing I heard the yells
and Whoops of Indians about the house.
and as soon as I looked out through a
loophole I saw a great smoke from the
residence o{ M rs. Webster s house. Just
a5 j dressed thero came n pounding IndiaS
on the door, ’ and the voice of an
calIed out ‘ .
‘‘Huh 1 Somebody J in here 1 Open 1
■, . ,
-nr , .
0 S " er ’
“Indian hungry—want food, Indian
S ood friends with Mrs. Bliss.”
^ was matching the crowd at the door,
and I saw that all were armed. Two or
three were crouched ready to spring at
the door the instant it was unbarred.
“Go away—you can’t come in,” re¬
plied Mrs. Webster.
“Indian want food.”
“We have none for you.”
“Indian want whisky.”
“There is no whisky in the house.”
“Then Indian want to talk.”
“Well, what do you want?”
They had expected to take us by sur¬
prise, and the fact that they had not up¬
set their calculations for a time. They
retired a short distance to talk it over,
and during this interval we made ready
for what was coming. Making as little
noise as possible, six Indians laid down
their guns and picked up a piece of four
by-four scantling, which father intended
to use as one of the sills for a dairy
house over the spring. They were ap¬
proaching the door with this battering
ram when I fired from the left-hand win¬
dow and Mrs. Webster from the right,
both of us using shotguns. I fired at the
men’s legs and she at their heads. I had
but one barrel, while she had two.
As all six went down I thought at first
we had killed them all. Not so, how¬
ever, though it was plain that all were
hit. Two lay on the ground under the
scantling, while the others got up to
limp away. We had opened the hattle,
and got in the first knock-down blow.
For a moment the Indians were stupe¬
fied. Then they uttered their war
whoop, and the fight was on.
I think I should have made a good
fight of it without Mrs. Webster, as I had
been brought up on the frontier, and had
the nerve of a man, but it was well that
sle was there. While she was pale-faced
and anxious her voice was steady, and
she took things coolly. Sister Mamie
was greatly frightened at first, but after
a few minutes she overcame it and asked
for the rifle, with which she was a toler¬
ably fair shot.
The first move of the Indians was to
take possession of the log barn, which
stood about 200 feet away. There was
little or nothing in it,'and if they fired it
the distance was too great to endanger
the house. They opened fire on the two
rear windows, and we kept away from
them. Now and then one of their bul¬
lets came through a loophole, but we
were out of rangg. The- Indians must
have kuewtr tfiat father was gone, and
they probably hoped to share U3 with a
great noise. They continued shooting
for half an hour, and then one of them
Stepped out from the barn and waved a
white rag and asked for a “talk.” In
reply Mrs. Webster fired a charge of
buckshot which knocked him over, and
we saw his tody dragged around the
corner of the barn.
I gjnjans now scattered and encir¬
cled thehouip, thsTwd anddroppingdown when¬
ever cover they opened a
we witfehJSjfcr. any bullets which
might enter the loopholes. They simply
all but four *of them started off down
the road Their impatience was too
great to permit them to tarry longer.
There were hundreds of other settlers
who had received no warning and made
no preparation, and were waiting, as it
were, to be plundered snd murdered.
The four who remained stood just out of
rifleshot to watch the door, and we did
not see another Indian until nearly sun*
! down. Then a band of about seventy
fire came along, Some were on stolen
horses, some on foot, and about thirty of
j thorn were packed into two wagons which
I j they had taken from white men.
Prom the yelling, shouting and shoot
; ? D g indulged in one would have thought
1 oaT chances very slim. A part of the
1 force occupied the barn, so as to com¬
: mand the rear windows, while the rest
| front. raa de a sort of rifle pit to command the
The two who had been killed in
the morning still lay where they had
fallen, and as darkness came on we made
ready to receive anyone coming after the
bodies. It was a starlight night, and
about 9 o'clock I caught gight of two
warriors creeping up to the spot. I
called Mrs. Webster’s attention, and by
the time they were up we were ready for
them. As they were moving the scant
ling off the body we fired upon them,
and neither one moved a yard after being
hit.
Now came a full hour daring which
u°t a shot was fired or a shout uttered,
Then the Indians began firing blazing
arrows at the roof, and I have no doubt
that twenty or more alighted thereon,
That danger had been provided for, how
ever, and when they found they could
not burn us out they fell back on another
P laD - Front one of the back windows I
saw them cariying along pole to the
front of the house. There were several
of these lying near the barn, acd it was
now plain that they were going to try
the power oi battering rams. I saw one
make ready at the back of the house as
well, aL,G when I told Mrs. Wabster, she
posted Mamie and me at the back win
dows, while she stood at the front. The
Indians had planned a real attack from the
rear, with only a feint at the front,
With five men at each pole, they made a
rush for both windows at once, while
the front of the house was only menaced,
MrS- Webster saw through the plan m
time, and came running back just in time
t Bad “ 8eC u,e a loophole. She and Mamie
the I shotguns, , while I had the revol ■
^r and the Indians did not get within
f eet of the house. Our volley was
followed by screams and yells on their
pari. and those who had not been dis
abled beat a hasty retreat. From that
tim ® " atU m ° rning left undis '
t ^ rbed ’ bn t they succeeded in carrying . off
, * h “
damage we had done, but several weeks
later, at the trial of the chief conspira¬
tors and leaders, it was stated by an In¬
dian that we killed seven and wounded
six redskins in our defence.
When morning came not an Indian
was in sight, but before noon we had
half a dozen men and women with us
who were fleeing for their lives, and be¬
fore night we numbered twenty. It was
a week before we were relieved, and dur¬
ing that time bands of Indians turned
aside at intervals to attack us and be
beaten off, with loss only to themselves.
It was one of the two farmhouse forts in
that great area of country which made a
successful resistance, and but for our suc¬
cess the number of murders would have
been added to by at least two dozen.—
New York Sun.
Machine-made Lace.
The introduction of the machine in
lace-making has had a great and bene¬
ficial effect upon the markets. It could
not be otherwise because there is so great
a difference between the cost and the
rapidity of their manufacture. One re¬
sult is the iutrodcction of lace drapery
nets forty-five inches in width. These
draperies are said to be perfectly ravish¬
ing, to fall back on feminine superlatives,
and are worn over a dark skirt, or a
skirt of a handsome color. The belles
of Paris are generally wearing the lace
draperies and the foreign buyer of a
Chicago house who has furnished Saun
terer with his information declares that
their effect is not only striking but very
lovely. Another novelty in Paris is the
lace sleeve, which is puffed at the shoul¬
der. Russian effects in lace goods are
also very popular. These Russian imita¬
tion goods are much coarser than those
patterns originating in Belgium and
France, and while they may lack in that
daintiness in design and execution that
are so notable a characteristic of the
latter, they have a boldness in outline
and effect that certainly please the eye in
a high degree. Lace veilings, too, there are
in great demand. Not long ago
was a craze for a material called the Jane
Hading veiling, which is one of these
machine-made laces. But the demand
for this Hading veiling couid never com¬
pare with the demand for a new veiling
called the Friquet. Every one that can
afford this exquisite bit of workmanship
is sure to buy and to wear it.— Chicago
Post.
How Some Men Become Wealthy.
Mark Sheldon, the wealthy real estate
owner of San Francisco, made his for
tune out of a bad debt. He had grown
rich and poor in several ventures, and
when hard pressed once tried to collect
all the money that was due to bun. One
debtor was unable to give him a cent,
but- compromised his debt by handing
over to Mr. Sheldon some sand lots in
what ia now called Market street, San
Francisco. Sand lots were not very
valuable in those days, and Mr. Sheldon
found no opportunity to dispose of his
until he saw that he might make a protty
sum of them. So he held onto them
and there is no more valuable real estate
in the Golden Gate City to-day than
Mark Sheldon’s Market street property.
—Chicago Newt. c-V •/
760,060 New York boxes or us*, oranges annually ana ah al -rr
100,000 boxes of leopss.
BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM
VARIOUS SOURCES.
Her Accomplishment—Wanted to
It Work—Operations Go On
All Night—Child like and
Bland, Etc., Etc.
She cannot mend, she cannot make;
To save her life she couldn’t bake
A At simple housework loaf of she bread or cake;
cannot tikes assist.
In all such things she no stock;
She don't know how to darn a stock;
A At cradle she could never rock—
she's a fine flirtationist.
She cannot make a plate of hash,
But she can dress to cut a dash;
She knows just how to make a mash
And has a dozen on the list.
The man who marries her will get
A For perfect jewel richly set.
She though is she flirtationi3t. may be worthless, yet
a fine
—Chicago Pott.
WASTED TO SEE IT f OB*.
“What’s that?”
“That’s a kaleidoscope.”
“Is it? When does it begin to col¬
lide ?”— Judge.
rKSATISEACTOBY.
He—“Can I see you home?”
She (as she accepts another escort)—
“I guess so, if you stand at the head of
the street. We shall turn no corners.”
—Burlington Free Prett.
AX OBJECT OP EXVT.
Everybody knows the reply of that
dyspeptic banker to a Deggar who, ac¬
costing him in the street, muttered in
plaintive tones: “I am hungry.”
“Lucky dog!”— Le Figaro.
OPERATIONS GO OS ALL SIGHT.
Porchester Pelham—“A prominent
scientist says that mosquitos invariably
go to sleep at ten o'clock at night.”
Morrison Essex—“Then mosquitoes
must be somnambulists.”— Puck.
CSDF.R COTTROL.
Jawkins—“How’s Henpeek getting on
since his marriage? He used to vow that
no woman could ever get ahead of him.”
Hagg—“Oh, he’s still in tht lead, I
suppose; but she’s behind—holding the
reins.”— Harper t Bazar.
CHILD-LIKE AXD BLASD.
Doctor—“Now, little girl, tell
what the matter is."
Child—“I is tick at my tummick.”
Doctor—“And what made you sick
your stomach?”
Child—“Oob?”— Once a Week.
A HOPELESS CASE.
“Can nothing more be done for
prisoner, Mr. Brief?”
“I fear not, sir.”
“The legal expedients are all
ed, are they?”
“No; but the prisoner's money
—Puck.
AXXIOUS TO GET BID OF HIM.
Time 11:30 p. M.
Young Staylate—“Aw, do you know,
Miss Mabel, I was suddenly carried away
yesterday by a weal inspiwation.”
Mabel—“Were you, indeed, Mr.
Staylate? I wish you would have a real
inspiration now.”— Light.
NOT QUITE PREPARED.
He—“Do you thijk you love me well
enough to be my wife?”
She—“Yes, George.”
He—“Well, I only asked to ascertain
how yon felt on the subject, so in case I
ever should want to marry I would know
where to come.”— Epoch.
A LOXG-FELT WANT.
Newcomb—“It must be a pretty hard
struggle for you to support a family of
eighteen children.”
Kiddler—“Ob, I make ’em pay their
way. Hire ’em out to childless people
who want to take the children to
circus to see the animals.”— Puck.
WANTED IT IX OXE LUMP.
No, Charles, _. , „ said ., Emma, „ ,, T ^ ,„ ^ .
go driving; I don t want any ice
and you must not send me any candy.”
“Why not, Emma? asked her fiance,
“Because, Charles, Christmas is com
ing, and—ah—I think you would better
J our m ® ne y ^ or fi°^day season.
—Harper i s Bazar.
HIS ERROR.
Peddler (in a conciliatory tone)—“I
presume those lovely children in the yard
are yours, madam?"
Madam (frigidly)—“I have no chil¬
dren.”
Peddler—“Pardon me; since I see you
more closely I see that the brats couid
not possibly be yours.”— Judge.
A WISE CATERER.
Waiter— MS. guest has ordered frogs’
legs on toast, and we have none left.
What shall I say to him?"
Proprietor—“Tell him that we have
some; but that you wouldn’t care to of¬
fer them to him. That will give him the
impression that you wish to serve him
well, and at the same time it will
up the reputation of the house.”— Puck.
AN UNREASONABLE CUSTOMER.
In a shop where birds are stuffed.
“Ho, I am not at all satisfied. You
stuffed my poor dear parrot scarcely n
twelvemonth ago, and now all the feath¬
er* are coming off.”
“Well, madam, you should give us
Credit for the faithful manner in which
we imitate nature, d"What hird did you
ever did not see, moult no matter once off'ghat a ytar?”— elime, Judge. that
HE GAVE HIM A STA^jf
“Why, Tommy, you awful boy,’’ said
sister as the happy hearted youth
leaped fromTbthind the sofa with a blood
curling screeah and thrust his masked
Slow», “what
Subscription: $1.23 in iimee.
did yon screech so for, Tommy 1 To*
gave me an awful start.”
“Did I?”chuckled the WTeteh. “Well,
that's what I did it for. Sister Sal said
the other day that when you once got
seated nothing on earth seemed able to
start you, an’ £ thought I’d try my hand.”
—Chicago Timet.
THE JOKE OS THE PROFESSOR.
A Scotch university professor, irritated
to find that his students had got into the
habit of placing their hate and canes on
his desk—cloak-rooms being at a pre¬
mium—announced that the next ar¬
ticle of that kind placed there would be
destroyed. For some days ail went well,
until the professor was called for a mo¬
ment fr C' the t class-room. A student
slipped V !io the retiring-room and
emerged with the professional hat, which
he placed conspicuously on the desk,
while his fellows grinned and trembled.
The professor, on returning, saw the hat,
thought some rashly obstinate student
had been delivered into his hands, and,
taking out his knife, he cut the offend¬
ing thing to pieces, the while vainly at¬
tempting to conceal the smile of triumph
that played about his countenance. He
was in a very bad temper the next day.
— Chatter.
A CAICXT SCOT.
A worthy fanner, full of fun, onca
over-reached a jeweler in some transac¬
tion. The jeweler complained of the way
he had been treated.
“Weel, I’ll tell ye whit I’ll dae wi
ye,” said the farmer. “I’ll sell ye a’
myleevin’stock at half-a-croon ahead,
an’ I’ll let ve come and coont them yer
sel’.”
The bargain was struck. The day wa3
appointed to count and hand over the
stock. The grasping jeweler acd his
assistants in due course arrived. at the
farm. They totaled up horses', cattle,
sheep, hogs, dog3, etc. The jeweler then
asked when he would remove the stock.
“Bide a wee, bide a wee,” said the
farmer; “ye havenaseen them a’ yet.”
He then led the party close up to a
dozen beehives, overturned one of the
hives with his foot, and, amid the yells
of the flying party, the farmer was heard
shouting—
“Coont noo, ye beggars; coont,
coont 1 ”— Chatter.
HOW rr IMPRESSED THEM.
They sood on the American shore and
gazed in wonder-struck silence at the
majesty and beauty of Niagara, The
personification of feminine grace and
tenderness, she leaned confidingly on the
arm of her husband—her ideal of manly
strength and chivalry. The glowing sun¬
beams danced in the spray that rose like
fair mountains before their eyes, radiant
with the gorgeous hues of the rainbow,
and the falling waters sounded their
eterna' monotone in. the ears of their
listeners, whose hearts beat responsive to
its deep pulsations. Nature's own voice
spoke to them and stirred the profound
est depths of their being.
The young husband pressed the little
hand that lay confidingly on his arm and
smiled on the sweet face upturned to
his.
“Gwendolen,” he said, the rapture of
his emotions thrilling his voice and shin¬
ing out through his dark eyes, “does it
stack up to your expectations?”
“Launcelot”—and her eyes seemed
about to overflow with excess of pent-up
feeling—“it’s just the cutest thing I
ever struck!”— Chicago Herald.
■
{
Scottish Gypsies.
Gypsies stole into Scotland from Ire¬
land about the year 1500. So consum¬
mately shrewd were they in carrying out
their assumption of pilgrimage under the
leadership of Anthonius Gawino, Earl of
Little Egypt, and of being under com¬
mands of the Pope to “wander seven
years without sleeping in a bed,” that
they actually secured the countenance if
not the favor of James IV. They re
ceived no molestation worthy to bfe called
such until 1579, when Jame3 VI-, “took
the government into his own hands.”
Then a statute was passed “for punish¬
ment of strong and idle vagabonds and
beggars, and the relief of the poor and
. i impotent.” This statute and was ordered very severe that
against tjjfir the gypsies,
j ears should be cut off and them
seires b£m ; sh ed. This law was ratified
in 1592,and another statute passed in 1597
that they be, on conviction, made slaves
for Ufe _ i u 1600 another act enforcing
a u previous statutes bearing on their
regulation and punishment, and severely
condemning the negligence of justices
and commissioners in not putting prev¬
ious laws against them into execution
was passed; and in 1603 the privy coun¬
cil ordered the whole race to- leave the
country by a certain date, under the pen¬
alty of death. In 1609 this order was
made a perpetual law, but it appears
that, if these statutes were not actually
set at defiance by the gypsies themselves,
they^re effectually voided by the th^^B svm^
pathy and assistance extended
the different of which powerful' allied Scotty^rfj
some were
influential ers by marriage ties, whtchJfl or seeragM
that period
Commercial
H;
Benson . T -*B
ruddy-coiLBB liilK'-wh^jgg H
:l
shows tho
odd \ ears. lioH ft
ver Plains, accoi^H N.
and has an
is au artist of mciaB “
many of her fatlicHB
and library he is keeps one all of th&j.i hi®
scripts his house. iu a tire-proc^B He is stiW
on tbs streets of NewW politics™
active interest in
firmed Prohibitionist. He
had, and for one volume <
Motley or D five
ring’s aw so .« a Week. .