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MRS. ARTER’S EXPERIMENT.
How She Trlfd to Rival Lulu Hurst’s
Electric Fea's.
No genuine home-made woman will ever
allow any woman to get ahead of her if she
can help it. They are strange creatures in
this respect, and when Mrs. Arter read the
other day how Lulu Hurst could jerk the
mainspring out of an umbrella by a simple
touch of the band, and sling grown men
about as if they were babies, she then and
there made up her mind that she had just
as much electricity about her as Lulu Hurst,
or Lulu anybody else. Yonng Tom, who
had seen Peck’s Baa Boy played here, en
couraged the old lady in thinking she could
twist an umbrella wild west and crooked,
and the two lit on me the first thing as the
proper subject to practice on.
When 1 went home that night the old
lady was as bright and chipper as a new girl
at a base ball. Her unusual spryness al
most took my breath away, but when I saw
Tom dart behind the door to straighten his
crooked face I knew there was some devil
ment up of some sort. I didn’t seem to say
anything, but kept my eyes open. After
supperl began to see symptoms of theeariln
quake. Tom was tip toeiug around the
house trying to hide a grin, and every now
and then looking at me as if I was about to
sit down on a pin or something of that sort
After Mrs. Arter had skinned the clothes
off the baby, and |swaddled it in its gown
and laid it down to sleep, she told me that
she had discovered that she was a second
Lulu Hurst. I thought perhaps she had
made the discovery sure enough, and in less
time than half a second the Arter family
was rich enough to go to the exposition and
live like lords the balance of our days. In
that half a second I bought the finest house
in town, horses, carriages, box of fine cigars
and was the blooming president of a base
ball club. I could almost feel my blood
getting richer and richer. Then I thought
this thing ought to be investigated, so I
said:
“Show me how, honey !”
When I called her honey she knew I was
half converted, I was ripe enough to call her
daisy if she had just hinted it. So I got up
to see the exhibition. We went out in the
hallway where the noise wouldn’t wake up
the baby, and Tom handed me an open
umbrella to hold.
“I’m ; oing to get out of the way,” said
Tom, and he ran in the next room. I grip
ped the hanale and held the umbrella up
as if a heavy rain was blowing right against
me, and then Mrs. Arter stepped up. She
put her hand to her face to brush a bang
from before her eyes, just as Miss Hurst
does, and then she placed one finger on the
handle. The very second sjie did this the
umbrella wns jerked out of my hand with
such force as to stagger me, but I caught it
again and held on. It was all I could do
to keep it from being sent to the ceiling,
and then Mrs. Arter giggled a little half
giggle just like Lulu does. I was satisfied
now that my wife was chock-full up to the
chin with electricity, and our fortune was
made. I only wished she was better look
ing, for I didn’t think any large and en
thusiastic audience would consider my wife
as good looking as Mrs. Langtry, but one
thing was certain—she was electric. Sht
could make an umbrella think it had been
struck by lightning.
Tom thought the danger was over, and he
came out of the next room and put away
the umbrella. Th“ chair trick was next on
the prog: * ame. Now you have : o id a
how mucti thinkiug was going on in mv
brain while I was monkeying around with
that umbrella. Hanged if I wasn’t happy
—I was worse than happy; I was wild. I
was wild enough to paint the sky red. Il
anybody had come in and offered me S4O,
000 for my wife I would have refused it
with a scornful sneer.
fom put the chair in position. Fact is,
Tom acted as the old lady’s manager, so to
speak. ..With a little practice he’d be a first
class doorkeeper for a side-show. Well, he
put the chair in position, and 1 sat down in
the attitude of a young man at prayer-meet
ing with his girl. I told Mrs Arter that if
there was any danger of the chair tilting
over to touch it lightly. She promised she
would. Women will promise anything,
though. When I was well seated, and had
worked up a becoming smile, Tom ran in
the next room to avoid consequences. Awful
cautious boy is Tom. He would go four
blocks out of the way of a dog that was
chained up.
Mrs. Arter was as proud as ape mock and
walked like Mary Anderson walks when
she plays Juliet. I never saw a woman get
so proud all of a sudden. You’d thought
she was Vanderbib’s wife .to have seen her
step up to where I was sitting in that chair,
and before I knew whether I was in Macon
or with Chinese Gordon I was on the floor.
My head struck against the hall table and
knocked over the lamp. The lamp ex
ploded and the carpet caught fire, and the
blaze ran all over the hall. I rushed out
on the back porch to get water and Mrs.
Arter screamed loudly enough to be heard
iu Fort Valley, and the baby woke up and
squalled like somebody had sat down on it,
and Tom hollered for another length
of hose, and the neighbors rushed in to
looked at the fire and ask what was the
matter, and when I got back to the see; e
there were enough people in the house to
run a protracted revival. The house was
in danger and I dashed a bucket of water on
the flames and put out the fire, leaving the
crowd in the dark. Knowing that Mrs.
Arter was Subject to hysterics when under
great excitement, I groped my way in the
dark to where she was, put my arm around
her waist and kissed her as I used to forty
years ago, when she had good teeth. While
I was whispering reassuring words in her
ear and calling her daisy and other sweet
names, Tom came in the hall with another
lamp, and then there was thunder to pay
sure enough. I was kissing one of the
neighbors I Mrs. Arter made a pass at me,
and if she ever had electricity in her she had
it then. When I woke up she was standing
over me l with the coal-scuttle. I feebly
protested against further brutality, but she
gave me one lick with the scuttle just by
way of a souvenir of the occasion.
I pulled the last piece of coat-plaster off
yesterday. The black lump on my brow
still remains, and the vacancy among my
upper front teeth has not been filled yet, but
I have made an important discovery. I may
say two important discoveries. First is, that
Mrs. Arter possesses about as much elec
tricity as a lamp post; and secondly, that
young Tom played a trick on both of us. He
had tied a fine wire to the top of the um»
brella and run the wire through the wali
over a pulley. When the old lady touched
the handle he jerked the wire, and the um
brella struck the ceiling. As to the chair
THE SAVANNAH DAILY TIMES, THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 26, 1885.
trick, he simply detached the wire from the
u übrella and hooked it on to the back of
the chair
We will not go the exposition. We will
stay at home an 1 wonder what on earth will
become of that boy. Tom Arter.
THE m ■ ■
FOR 1885.
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The largest variety of medium priced
oods for Holiday or Wedding Presents In
heclty.
G.R. HOHENSTEIN WM. H. PITT.
HOHENSTEIN &;PITT,
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94 Bryan St., - - Savannah, Ga
LAND FOR SALE.
Inside of the City Limits but Free
from City Taxation for 8 Years.
About 100 yards from Anderson street.
Measures 128 feet 6 inches on the front, 122
feet 6 Inches on the rear, by 127 feet
6 inches deep.
TERMS—One-fourth cash and balance In
three years, with Interest at? per cent.
C. H. DORSETT.
AGUSTA, GEORGIA, LIBRARY BUILDI
One of the Finest Institutions In the Uni
ted States. Real Business transacted with
Beal College Currency. Board In the city
cheap. Time required from 3% to 4 months.
Beautiful Diplomas awarded on completing
Course in satisfactory manner. Send or
Circular.
For latest style fancy percale g Peccan
iblrts L. Fried’s is the place.
Downright Cruelty.
To permit yourself and family to
“Suffer!”
With sickness when it can be prevented
and cured so easily
With Hop Bitters 11!
Having experienced a great deal of
“Troublel” from Indigestion, so much so
that I came near losiug my
lAJet
My trouble always came after eating any
food—
However light
And digestible,
For two or three hours at a time I had to go
through the most
Excruciating pains,
“And the only waj r I ever got”
“Relief!”
Was by throwing up all my stomach con
tained. No one can conceive the pains that I
had to go through, until
“At last?”
I was taken! “So that for three weeks I lay
in bed and
Could eat nothing!
My sufferings were so that I called two doc
tors to give me something that would stop
the pain; their
Efforts were no good to me.
At last I heard a good deal
“About your Hop Bitters !
And determined to try them.”
Got a bottle—in four hours I took the con
tents of
One!
Nextday I was out of bed, and have not
seen a
“Sick!”
Hour, from the same cause since
I have recommended it to hundreds of oth
ers. You have no such
“Advocate as I am.”—Geo. Kendall, Alls
ton, Boston, Mass.
Columbus Advocate, Texas, April 21, ’B3.
Dear Editor—l have tried your Hop Bitters,
a d find they are good for any complaint.
The best medicine I ever nsed in my family.
H. Talener,
O-None genuine without a bunch of green
Hops on the white label. Shun all the vile,
poisonous stuff with “Hop” or “Hops” In
their name.
LEMONS AS*MEDICINE.
They regulate the Liver, Stomach, Bowels
Kidneys and Blood, and cure all Throat and
Lung diseases as prepared by Dr, H. Mozley,
In his Lemon Elixir and Lemon Hot Drops.
LEMON ELIXI’t.
Cures Indigestion, headache, malaria, kidney
disease, fever, chills, loss of appetite debility
and nervous prostration by regulating the
Liver, Stomach, Bowels, Kidneys ami Blood.
Lemon Elixir Is prepared from the fresh
Juice of Lemons, combined with other veget
able liver tonics, catha tics, aromatic stimu
lants and blood purifiers.
Fifty cents for one half pint bottle; one
dollar for pint and a half bottle. Sold by
druggists generally, and by all wholesale
druggists.
LEMON HOT DROPS.
Cure all Coughs, Colds. Hoarseness, Sore
Throat, Bronchitis, Pneumonia and all
Throat and Lung Diseases tcept Consump
tion, which disease it pa ites and greatly
relieves. Price, 25 cents. by all drug
gists. Prepared by Dr. H. Mozley, office UM
Whitehall street, Atlanta, Ga.
From a Prominent Lady.
I have not been able in two years to walk or
stand without suffering great pain. Since
taking Dr. Mozley’s Lemon Elixir. I can walk
half a mile without suffering the least incon
venience.
Mrs. R. H. Bloodworth, Griffin, Ga.
For sale by
LIPPMAN BROS., Druggists,
Savannah, Ga.
EVES’ l!i M®
Wh it Evans & Ero. Say About
Au Unauthorized Sale in Sa
vannah by H. L. Schreiner.
In recent advertisements we claimed Io be
the Sole Authorized Agents for Evans’ 10-Cent
Music, and that Mr. Schreiner had surrep
tiously and underhandly obtained the small
lot which he was selling under regular price
and in direct violation of our rights. The follow
ing letter from the Publishers shows our
statement to be based on fact.
Boston, Mass., Feb. 14,1885.
Ludden & Bates Southern Music House :
Gentlemen—We had, as we supposed,
made arrangements whereby no music could
be shipped by our Branches into your terri
tory. The arrangement has been violated,
but by whom we do not know. We are in
vestigating, and will report as soon as possi
ble. You may depend on our giving you full
protection. We ha ve never printed a Catalogue
for Mr. Schreiner, nor will we. The houses in
Philadelphia, New York and other cities bear
our name, and he has no doubt obtained a
small lot of our music from one of these cities.
Truly yours,
W. A. Evans & Fro.
What ay About the Matter
Competition is the life of trade, and we
don’t in the least object to it, when it is legi
timate; but, when it degenerates into sheer
piracy, through the practice of dishonorable
methods, which no Dealer who duly respects
himself or his calling will employ, we are
certainly warranted in giving the public the
facts in the case.
As the Only Authorized Agents for Evans’
10-Cent Music, we shall continue to sell it at
the publishers’ regular price, lOcents per
copy. We haven’t as yet got down to the
level of a5-centmusic trade, and trust that
we never m y so far forget ourselves and dis
grace the music trade.
Largs Additions io h 10c. Music
Remember, that we bouerht at one purchase
40,000 copies of Evans Music, and have every
piece that they publish on our shelves. Besides
this we have thousands of copies ol Music from
all publishers, which we sell at 10 cents per
copy. And also 85,000 copies of Stoddard’s
10c. Musical Library—each number con
taining three pieces of Music, making it the
cheapest Music in the world.
No Music House in America offers their
patrons such a line of Cheap Music as we now
show.
Ludden & Bates
MUSIC HOUSE.
N. B.—Still giving away the 5-Cent Music.
It’s just good enough for advertising pur
poses.
iimsw
Renovated and dyed to look as well as new
at 212 Broughton street near West Broad.
GKO. R. DODGE.
DRUGS AND MEDICINES
IDVitK AHOyV
Not that barque which spreads Its safer,
the favoring gale and with every ca&xu
drawing taut, sails the sea, a thing of IlteauU
beauty, but that bark which comes from a
cold and hastens the traveler to that port
from whence there Is no return. For tht«
bark use
“COUGH AND LUNG BALSAM.”j-
It is the best medicine ever presented for
coughs, colds and hoarseness, and for four
seasons has given entire satisfaction. Prioo
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„ DAVID PORTER, Druggirt.
Corner Broughton and Habersham street*
~J. c. c. ’
J&j&nsss Chaasiag ta
CLEANS CLOTHES, •
Removes all Grease, Paints; Oils, Varnteh
Tar, Dirt or Soils from any fabric
without injury.
FOR SALE BY
J. R. Haitiwang-er,'
Cor Broughton and Drayton streets,
klsosoldby L. C. Strong and E. A. Knann
To Clean Your Last Winter’s suit u t
Anything Else Use
“Household Cleaning Fluid.”
It removes grease snots, stains, dirt, etc.,
from woolen, cotton, silk and laces, without
injuring the most delicate fabric.
Prepared only by
DAVID PORTER, Druggist,
Corner Broughton and Habersham street!.
and livery
Grray Eagle
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Corner Congress and Drayton.
Just arrived and for sale, half car load a
buggy and saddle horses.
It. DeMartin & Son,
Proprietors. ’
tanh Ciib, Livery S M SfflF
Corner Drayton, McDonough and Hull st.'
A. W. HARMON, Prop’r.
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phone No. 205,
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APPLY AT
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118 HAY STREET.
BACON, JOHNSON & CO
PLANING MILL,
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AND
WOOD YARD.
LARGE STOCK OF]
DRESSED :AND ROUGH LUMBER
AT LOW PRICES IJ
43* Vegetable Crates on hand and made
promptly to order.
J. J. McDonough. T. B. Thompson.
Ed. Bubdbtt.
McDonough & co.,
Office: 1161 Bryan street.
Yellow Pine Lumber.
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S., F. & W. Railway Depot,
Savannah, Ga.
Saw Mills: Surrency. Ga., No. 6, Macon and
Brunswick Railroad.
Beans! Beans ! Beans!
Imp wood White Spine Cucumber
SEED,
TOMATO, EGG PLANT, CORN,
Alfulfa, Mixed Lawn and Bermuda
Grass Seeds.
JERUSALEM ARTICHOKES,
Onion Sets, Onion Sets,
A few of those Peas still on had. A fu.t
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J. Gardner, Agent,
30% BULL STREET.
GEO. M. HELMKEN,
V ariety Bakery,
Cor. South Broad and East Broad streets
BREAD, CAKES and PIES ot all desorlp
tlon.
Wedding Parties supplied on reasonabi
terms with the finest cakes. New Englan
Bread a specialty. None genulu without ta
label.
7