Newspaper Page Text
SUNDAY MORNING.
It la well to wander sometimes in the Land
of Make-believe.
Through lta ever-smiling gardens, where the
heart may cease to grieve,
Where the beds are gay with roses and the
paths are paved with gold,
And our hopes, like soaring songsters, their
mercurial wings unfold.
Let us all be little children for a while and
make our way
Through the sweet and sunny meadow land
of Make-believe today.
The Yellow Domino.
By KATHARINE TYNAN.
Wbene the scheme was mooted to
me, my first thought was that, unseen
myself, I should see Eleanor, so I was
eager for It.
The others thought on the madcap
prank it was, and that their empty
paunches should soon be filled with
King’s meat and drink. And for this
last I do not blame them, seeing that
the gentlemen of the Irish regiment
more often than not went supperiess
to bed, since glory was more plentiful
in the French King's service than
louis d’or; and arrears of pay seemed
likely but to grow greater.
Terrence d'Esterre held a hat for
the money, and we each cast in what
we could, he who had been lucky of
late at the gaming table more, he
who had lost less. We kept no count
of the sums, but, in the end, we had
enough to pay for one ticket of ad
mission to the great Mask, and for a
yellow domino.
The thing that gave us our oppor
tunity was that that night the gen
tlemen of the Irish regiment were on
guard at the palace. The Mask was
given for a charity by the Queen’s
wishes; hence it was called the
Queen's Mask, and all of fashion, of
beauty, and of wealth In the capital
would pay for its admittance, and so
swell the coffers ot St. Vincent de
Paul.
While my comrades laughed and
Joked about me, 1 thought upon the
last time I had seen Eleanora, when
she and I had litten down from our
horses In the Vale ot Arlo, and, while
the beasts cropped the sward near us,
1 had taken her into my arms and her
golden head had lain upon my heart.
1 remember hotv the blackbird sang,
and the smell of the whitethorn all in
bloom close by that it seemed to in
toxicate me with ecstasy.
At that time there was nothing
strange in Sir Maurice Desmond lift
ing his eyes to Lord Lahinch's daught
er. Why, we had been brought up In
neighboring houses, and our families
had always been friends and allies,
if tho money dwindled at Bunclody
while Lahinch fattened, that was but
the fault of the troublous times, for I
gave with both hands, as my father
gave before me, to the cause of King
James and his son. Whereas lx>rd
Lahinch waited to see who should be
the w>nncr before he flung up his
cap for the Dutchman or the Stuart.
I have marveled often upon how Elea
nora came to be his daughter.
When we brought our tale to Lord
Imhinch, tho first shadow of trouble
fell upon our love.
“What, Sir Maurice,” he said, "take
a wife when Sarsfield has need of
soldiers! I am an old man, not a
fighter, and 1 can protect my girl.
When the blood and (ire of war burns
the country up, only an old man like
myself, who am out of the fight and
have a stout castle to boot, can pro
tect women. When King James is on
the throne again, it will be time to
talk of marriage."
The old fox proved better than his
word, for though he conveyed his
daughter and his money bags privily
from the country before the war
broke out and deposited them at the
French court, where lie had a kins
woman hlglx in favor with the Queen,
yet he returned and held Lahinch
castle for King James against King
William, and had his head blown off
liy a cannon ball, for which I forgave
him many things, believing that, he
was an honest man at last.
As for me, when it was over I was
the poorest man between the four seas
of Ireland, for my house was in ashes,
my land seized and sequestrated, and
1 had lost Eleanora. Rumor had it
that she was a great heiress and be
trothed to the son of the Due de Pic
ardy. But she; could not be further
from me though she were wedded,
and so I said of her to myself, yet
could not keep from being light-head
ed w ith joy when we came home from
the Low Countries to Paris, and all
because 1 might by chance happen to
see tho Lady Eleanora.
We gentlemen of theTalace Guard
•were chosen for our height and size.
I. Maurice Desmond, am six-foot-four,
and lean as a hound. Hardships had
hold on me as well as love. But I
■was not the greatest of the troop.
There was Andrew MacManus two In
ches greater, and l,aurence Maguire
an inch. That night the Yellow Dom
ino was higher than any gentleman at
the Mask, and it was not likely he
should pass unnoticed.
It was a matter of honor with us
that we should eat and drink as fast
as miglft be, seeing that there were
30 hungry gentlemen to be fed before
morning broke. We cast lots for the
order of precedence, and, as it chanc
ed, 1 came to be the last of all, where
fore Luke Monroe clapped me on the
shoulder and congratulated mo that I
was not likely fo have an Indigestion
from .too speedy feeding, if I ran the
risk of getting no supper at all.
I would have bartered many sup
pers to catch but one sight of Elea
nora, where fore it chafed me that my
THE LAND OF MAKE-BELIEVE.
There’s a queen within an arbor, where she
rules In high renown,
With a Illy for a sceptre and a rose wreath
for a crown,
And her laws are love and laughter, for they
know not sorrow there—
Never hate or pain or money enters in her
Kingdom fair.
Ho we sing the songs the children sing and
play the games they play
As we wander in the golden Land of Make
believe today.
lot should have been cast las’A Nor
could I ask any to change with me,
seeing that all were so hungry, and
had not known what it was to have as
full a meal as this was like to be for
many a year, if, Indeed, they had it
ever; for it is not every day that a
plain gentleman is cooked for by M.
Paul, the King's chef de cuisine.
The first cock had crowed before
the ticket was thrust in my hand and
the Yellow Domino over my head
and shoulders. But the ball was still
at Its height. The court was dancing
a minuet. As I pushed my way
through the masks, someone plucked
at my domino. I looked down, to sea
a sharp-faced man wearing a cook’s
cap end white apron.
“Come with me,” he said, ‘‘l have
something worthy of so distinguished
a gourment. You have done me honor
tonight, Monsieur."
I knew not if it were a jest or not,
but I allowed him to draw roe into
the supper room. The place was n;>
such ruin as I had expected. Many
servants carried away empty dishes
and replaced them by full.
"Fall to, most excellent gentleman;
fall to!’’ said the little n-an, rubbing
!ils hands and gazing at me with his
head to one side, and his sharp black
eyes gloating upon me.
"How long does the court slay?” I
asked.
"Why, it will dance in tne dawn,”
he responded; ''perhaps two hours
hence the coaches will be called for."
1 fell to then, realizing that I was
a hungry man, and faith, I cleaned
the platters with a vengeance, but as
fast as I ate, other delicacies were
laid before me as though by magic.
And I drank great draughts which
seemed to take the coin from my
heart that had lain there so long—
indeed', since Eleanora had left it
empty.
I had the last goblet to my lips,
when I felt a hand on my shoulder,
and, (urning around, 1 became aware
that the room was filled with ladles
and gentlemen, all very splendidly
clad end sparkling with jewels. There
was not a mask to be seen, unless,
indeed, it was the little cook, who had
fallen into the background, and stood
there rubbing his hands in an attitude
of great humility.
“Who are you. Master ieilow Domi
no,” asked lie whose hand was on
n.y shoulder, "that wear the mask
when the signal has been given to
unmask, and who do such great, jus
tice to our good things?”
1 knew the face well between Us
falling masses of curls, even if 1 had
not recognized “Le Grand Monarque”
by the stars and orders with which
he glittered magnificently.
I gave the soldie:salute. I did
not. dare uncover, for there, by the
Queen, stood Eleanora. all in white
and gold tissue, more beautiful, if
more sail, than I remembered her.
The King gave me another slap on
tho shoulder.
“Why, you are the most prodigious
fellow," he said, "a grosser feeder
even than M. Porthos. Tell us again,
good Paul, what he has eaten."
The little cook whom 1 now per
ceived to he no other than the King’s
cook, then came forward and testified
that since 10 o'clock I had not been
above five minutes absent from the
tables.
He produced his tablets, and 1 will
say that even for 30 gentlemen of the
Irish regiment the consumption of food
and drink was indeed prodigious. As
he went on the King roared with
laughter. The Queen and her ladies
hid their merriment behind their fans,
all except Eleanor, who watched me
with a strange intentness, as though
she had somehow fathomed my dis
guise.
The supper room was now full to
the door, every one tiptoeing and
stretching to catch a sight of the
Yellow Domino.
“Conte sir. said the King, "we must
see your face. Off with l-e domino!
You are one of the wonders of the
world. You shall stay with us, and
we will see how many cooks it will
take to satisfy your hunger.”
"Sire,” I said, “before I uncover, may
I explain to your Most Excellent Ma
jesty how it came that I ate as for
30?"
“Oh. ho!" said the King, looking,
as I thought a little disappointed. "So
you have not eaten all the food your
self?”
"Sire," 1 said, “no man could do it
and live."
"Why, I thought not." he replied.
“If you did it. Master Yellow Domino,
you would put in the shade all the
gentry who swallow swords and feed
on red-hot pokers. Now. speak. None
shall hurt you or your fellows. What
is your name and who are your com-'
rtrdes?”
"If you please, Sire,” I replied; “I
am Maurice Desmond, a captain in
your Majesty's Irish Regiment, of
Horse, and the Yellow Domino is not
j cnly myself, but 29 other gentlemen
i of the regiment.”
THE BRUNSWICK DAILY NEWS.
"Oh, ho!” he said; "you were my
guard tonight?"
"We were not invited to sup with
your Majesty,” I said, "so we bought
a ticket for the mask and a yellow
domino. It has served us all.” ,
"And you are satisfied?” he asked,
politely. "You approve of my cook?”
"We never wish to sup better. Sire,”
I answered.
“Are there any more of you to sup?”
he asked, his lips twitching.”
“I am the last of the 30, Sire,” I
raid.
"Why, heaven be praised for that,”
he responded, "or else we should have
a famine in our kitchen! I envy the
gentlemen of the Iris!: Regiment their
appetites.”
With that he roared, with laughter,
as though he thought it the funniest
jest in the world; and al! the others
joined him, so tha, the supper room
rang with merriment. But 1 stood
with my eyes on the ground, not dar
ing to look at Eleanora’s face.
Suddenly the King became serious
and looked about him.
"Is ihere any one here who knows
Captain Maurice Desmond?” he began.
There was a little movement in the
crowd, but before any one else could
speak, my Eleanora stepped forward.
"Sire,” she said, "Sir Maurice Des
mond is a most brave and honorable
gentleman, who iost his all fighting for
King James in Ireland.”
Her voice trembled, and, lifting my
eyes to hers, I could see that she
looked frightened as a fawn. yet brave
as a martyr.
"We were dear friends once," she
went on, shaking like a reed, "butthe
fortunes of war separated us. I have
never ceased to look for my friend
through all these five years past, yet
never thought to seek him In your
Majesty’s Irish Regiment.”
"The uniform of the Irish Regiment
has seen honorable service,” he said,
smiling at the shabby and discolored
coat, and taking a gleaming star from
his breast and pinning it upon mine.
"It carries its wounds like yourself,
my friend, and like M. de Turenne.
No mat.er; the Irish Regiment shall
not be forgotten. lam giad —only for
the misfortune of my English cousin
tc have such soldiers on my side. Now
the dance is forming. Will you not
lead out the lady whose memory has
been so faithful?”
The next day I was called to the
King’s presence, anil about the same
time there was left at my lodgings
a very fine taffeta suit, laced and
slashed, a gift from the King, so that
when I went to Court Eleanora had
no need to be ashamed of me.
“As though I could be,” she says,
leading upon my shoulder to see what
I have written.
We have built again the Castle of
Bunclody. and. Peace having descend
ed upon the country, we dwell there,
In great peace and great felicity, anJ
have a boy who is a fightg man, al
though but three years old. and car
ries his father’s sword, and. for re
ward of goodness, is permitted to han
dle the King's star. —New York News.
BUYING A BOX OF MATCHES.
Ouil<> h Form itlnblo I nderlukiiiK With
Natlvfd of Smnnn.
The natives of Samoa do not hurry
the trader unnecessarily. Time is no
object to them, says a writer in Lip*
pincott's Magazine. The two or three
youngsters, who come and sit on the
veranda are willing to wait the trad
er's own convenience before they open
truffle with him. Then their language
seems to the inexperienced strangely
uncommercial.
“O, Apa, it is thus, and we two will
want?" the trader asks in the native
speech, "that you sit on my portico
beginning at sunrise and ending at all
day?”
'O. Apa, it is thus, and we two will
declare the truth to thy highness.”
“Use not the high-sounding words
of the talk of chiefs; call ntc not ex
cellency nor yet highness, tor by that
1 know you two are come to beg. That
thing do you two tell what you want,
and quickly.”
"0, Apa. smooth out the wrinkles
from thy heart, but listen. In the in
significant hut of thy family of us two
there is tobacco, and we have plucked
the dry leaves of the banana. But
there is no fire. That thing have wo
two come to ask of thy excellency. Af
ford to us two the fire-seratcher, just
one box, for great is the poverty of
the family of us two.”
“O, pig-faced, it is the lie. and you
two come to beg, it is true, it is right
that you two buy fire-sc catchers; I do
not give away the articles of wealth,
lest I, too. become poor while you two
have all things.”
"Thou knowest. O, Apa, the great
poverty of all this Samoa, and that we
too are poor people and of no account
We have not wherewith to buy. But
because great is the love of us two to
thy excellency we two give to thee the
loving gift of the fruit of the hen. one.”
"Not. so is it true, dirt and pigs. If
you two love me you give roe fruit of
the hen. two. Give them now to me
and my black-boy thing shall look
through them at the sun, and he shall
spin them on this floor, and he snail
float them in water lest they be bad.”
"O, Apa. thou art wise to drive a
hard bargain, and Samoans are fool
ish. Here, then, are these two fruit*
of the hen; now give to us two the
box of fire-scratchers.”
F'lcctrlrlfy In .Aqric wlture.
An effort is being ma le in Sweden to
use electricity in agriculture! A seed
field is covered by a network of wire
and a strong electric current is turned
on during nights and chilly days, but
cut off during sunny and warm
leather. The system was invented by
; Professor Lemstronj, of Heisingfors,
I Finland
CO-OPERATIVE EATING.
ONE SOLUTION TO THE VEXING SER
VANT CIRL QUESTION.
Meal Ten Cent* ami No Care— A Michi
can Village Teaclie. a I.eon to the
Big Cities Problem of Economical
Living and Stlil Having the Hast.
Decatur, a prosperous little village
twenty-five miles west of Kalamazoo,
Mich., Is the scene of an interesting
experiment with a plan to solve the
problem of economical living and to
do away with the servant question.
Briefly stated, the idea is the main
tenance ot a common table by some
twenty-five of the leading families of
the town, about one hundred persons
being served in this way. A place for
the experiment was found in a vacant
shop building, which had been fitted
up for the purpose.
The first week the cost averaged
12 1-2 cents a meal for each person.
The second week tile cost jas 10
cents.
L. G. Stewart, a merchant, first
thought of the plan. Mr. Stewart was
asked to tell about the undertaking.
“There were two chief considera
tions.” he said. "First, I thought it
would boa great convenience for the
business men of the village, who are
often hurried at lunch time, and do
not like to their stores.
"Then, even in this little village,
the servant question cuts considerable
of a figure. The girls prefer to work
In the shops or in the fruit fields and
it is difficult to get competent help.
1 had experienced some difficulty in
these respects and so I began to fig
ure.
"The result was (he organization of
this co-operative scheme. We do not
have a formal organization, nor keep
elaborate books. The best people in
the village are interested."
Mr. Stewart proceeded to explain
the practical working of the plan.
Two competent cooks were engaged
and a sufficient number of waiters to
serve the different families promptly.
Each family has its table, except that
several families, consisting of only
two persons, may lie seated at one
table.
A strict account of everything is
kept and at the end of each week all
bills are audited and the expense div
ided pro rata. In this settling of ac
counts everything is included, such as
rent, fuel and lights. When the bills
for the week are settled the organiza
tion owes nothing, and has as assets
whatever may he left over in the com
missary department.
"We get the best of everything,”
said Mr. Stewart, “the best groceries
and the best meats. Our butter is
creamery butter and all the rest of
the materials are equally good.
"The management is in the hands
of an executive comitlee of five elect
ed for thirty days and the menu for
each week is prepared by another
committee of five.
“I believe that the same plan coukl
be worked to advantage in the large
cities, and it would go far to solve the
vexatious servant question. It seems
to me that it would be feasible to se
cure some dwelling, for instance, and
fit it up for the purpose. It would
then be possible to have private din
ing rooms only the cuisine being com
mon.”
Mrs. H. C. Lamond who is a member
of the executive committee was asked
Tor a sample menu. She furnished
the following:
Breakfast.
Breakfast Food.
Fried Potatoes. Eggs.
Cookies. Doughnuts.
Coffee. Chocolate.
Dinner.
Roast Beef. Roast Pork.
Gravy Dressing.
Green Corn. Boiled Potatoes.
Tea. hot or cold.
Tapioca Pudding. Apple Pie.
White Bread. Brown Bread.
Supper.
Cream Potatoes.
Cold Meats.
Warm Bread. Cake. Plum Sauce.
Tea, hot or cold.
She was asked if the plan worked
wen and if it was economical.
"It has its advantages and some dis
advantages,” she replied. "Whether
it is econmical or not depends some
what on the style in which a person
is accustomed to live; whether one
keeps servants or not, for instance.
But, considering merely what is fur
nished it certainly is economical.
"We are abie to get better dishes at
lower cost than if we set a separate
table. The plan enables us to buy at
wholesale and we reap the advan
tages.
"Take the matter of roasts, as a
point of illustration. A good roast of
meat is not an economical thing for
a small family to buy. You cannot
get a good roast unless it weighs sev
eral pounds, and the small family
finds on its hands a large remnaiF
not all of which can be well utilized,
no matter how clever the housewife
is in planning.
"By this method we get twenty
pound roasts and of course we get the
best. Then our bread is baked fresh
every day in our own ovens and that
is a fine feautre.
“We have our individual tables. At
our table there are three families, each
consisting of husband and wife.
“We each furnish our own silver
and we have a vase in the centre of
the table which we keep filled with
flowers. We take turns in furnishing
the table linen. Our silver is taken
up, cleansed and put back in the
places we occupy respectively.
"You see, we save a good deal of
work, we save on our linen and al
together 1 have found that the plan
takes considerable responsibility oil
my shoulders. If the scheme were
carried out in a little different way
we could go still further and have a
laundress come in and do tlie table
linen, which would take some more
care off our shoulders.”
Mrs. Lamond explained that the
waiters had been neatly attired in
white aprons and caps and said that
altogether quite a homelike effect had
been acomplished. Some difficulty
had been found in buying from one of
tne butchers. One was willing to sell
his meats at wholesale, but the other
refused to do so, arguing that the peo
ple who had gone into the project
would have been good customers at
retail prices if they had not con
ceived this notion, and that they must
continue to pay accordingly.
Those who are managing tne enter
prise expect to have no difficulty in
improving the service and making it
a success. —New York Sun.
QUAINT AND CURIOUS.
Visitors to Stratford-on-Avon oom
-1 lain that small boys run after them,
tailing "All about Shakespeare for a
rfa'penny.”
The wife of a potter named Braemer,
in Veken. has died through kissing
her dead child. She contracted blood
poisoning, which proved fatal.
The hominy-pounder was the first
attempt at a corn-mill in the United
States; but the first water-mill was
made in Virginia in 1621 by George
SanJys, an English poet.
The first turkies—which are natives
of America —were seen in South Am
erica in 1523, by a Spanish explorer.
In 1608 the settlers in Virginia sent
20 to England—the first sent from the
country included in the United States.
The largest tree in the world is
said to have recently been discoyersd
in Africa in the region of the Upper
Nyanza. Its height is said to be half
again that of the tallest trees in Cal
ifornia, and its thickness double ihat
of the largest giant redwoods. The
particulars are, however, suspiciously
vague.
Dogs have a great history. They
did not spring from the wolf as pop
ularly believed, but from species of
wild dogs, which still exist in some
countries. They have been wor
shipped by the ancient Egyptians;
Queen Elizabeth had 800 trained
blood-hounds to fight the Scotch;
Alexander built a city in honor of a
favorite dog; and in England dogs
used to be fattened and driven to
market for table use like our hogs.
An extraordinary scene was witness
ed at the corner of the Rue des Math
urfns in Paris recently. A man in his
shirt sleeves was seen holding a
string, the end of which was down a
sewer grating. A hook was attached
baited with meat. An enormous
crowd gathered, man caught
14 rats in 25 minutes. He was liter
r.lly fishing for them. The police in
terfered, and the man, with two bas
ketfuls of rats, was taken to the po
lice station. He explained that he
was catching the rats for a rat-killing
contest for dogs, and was released.
Man has not a monopoly of cough
ing. Before there was a vertebrate
on the earth, while mail was in pro
cess of evolution through the vegeta
ble world, Etada Tussien —that is
what the botanists call him. while we
know him as “the coughing bean” —
coughed, and blew dust out of his
lungs. Recently botanists have been
giving special attention to this bean,
and fell interesting things about it.
It is a native of warm and moist trop
ical countries, and objects most em
phatically to dust. When dust set
tles on the breathing pores in the
leaves of the plant and chokes them
a gas accumulates inside, and when it
gains sufficient pressure’there comes
an explosion with a sound exactly
like coughing, aud the dust is blown
from its lodgment. And, more strange
still, the plant gets red in the face
| through the effort.
School* for Railroading.
On'-’ of the great western railroads
has in force a system of education
for tile trainmen which rests upon a
more scientific basis than has, until
recently, been recognized as needful.
The fundamental principle lies in
what the mental scientists term reflex
action, or subconscious control. The
brain may be taught to act according
to the signals of the various senses
without conscious thought, first
step is the complete training of the
trainmen to their duties, so they re
spond on the instant, almost involun
tarily, to any emergency.
In the life of the railroader there
i- no time for thought or reasoning.
He must act instantly. If the engine
driver is called upon to save a train
from wreck he will be the more like
ly to succeed if his brain has been so
trained to act. not in response to his
will, but to habit Certain circum
stances will call forth certain actions.
i%ardless of his own volition, so the
man is put through a regular course
of practical railroading before he is
employed at all.
The applicant for a position must
not only be able to answer the quest
tions at an examination—he must give
his replies without hesitation or he is
rejected. The habit of quick action
must be strong upon him.
Long experience and close observa
tion have demonstrated that most men
after the age of 30 or 35 are not capa
ble of acquiring this habit. The fu
ture trainman must begin young. So
in this, as in other branches of learn
ing, the pupils are youthful.
NOVEMBER 2
LOCK PLEASANT.
T.e cannot, of course, all bo handsome
And it’s hard for us all to be good. ’
We are sure now and then to be lonely
And we don’t always do as we should.
To be patient is not always easy,
To be cheerful is much harder still.
But at leaat we can always be pleasant
If we make up our minds that we will.
And it pays every time to be kindly.
Although you feel worried and blue;
If you smile at the world and look oheerint.
The world will soon smile back at yon.
So try to brace up and look pleasant,
No matter how low you are down.
Good humor Is always contagious.
But you banish your friends when you
frown.
—Somerville (Mass.) Journal.
HUMOROUS.
Wigg—What makes you think he is
dishonest? Wagg—He suspects every
body else.
Sillic-us—Woman’s work, they say.
is never done. Cynicus—Yes. and
sometimes it isn’t even commenced.
Wife —I wish I knew a way to keep
my glasses of jelly from getting moldy
on top. Husband—That's easy. It is?
“Yes; turn them upside down.
“Well. I’ve got the plans for my new
house all finished.” "Got them fixed
to suit you, eh?” “Oh, no; but the
architect says he Is satisfied with
them.”
Sou —What's the matter, dad? You
look worried. Father (just retired
from business)—Well, you see. I've
never been without things to worry
me before.
“Won’t you try the chicken salad.
Judge?” said the boarding-house keep
er. "I tried It yesterday, ma'am.” re
plied the witty Judge, "and the chick
en proved an alibi.”
"My children are crying for bread,”
whined the seedy-looking individual.
"That's where you’re lucky,” said the
well-dressed man. hurrying on. "Mine
are crying fer cake.”
Geraldine—l’ll be a sister to you.
Gerald —That will be nice. Geraldine
vvuat do you mean? Gerald —My
sister loves me, but she doesn't ex
pect me to take her anywhere.
"Yes, the doctor has put me on the
strictest kind of diet.” "Indeed. What
is it?” “Well, he said I musn’t eai
anything I don't like, and not any
more than I want of what 1 do.”
Father—But I can't see any special
philanthropy In giving you and Ernie
monev to marry on. Suitor —Oh, yes;
it would be helping tile blind, sir.
Father—The blind? Suitor—Yes;
love is blind, you know.
"I suppose those rich Giltedgers
made a great display of grief when
that millionaire uncle of theirs sufl
denly died.” "Grief! They haven't
any time for grief. All their time is
taken up In galloping around in search
of the will.”
"Now that we're engaged,” she said,
“of course I can’t cal! you Mr. Park
inson; and even Sebastian seems too
long and formal. Haven't you any
short pet name?” “Well,” replied the
happy Parkinson, “the fellows at col
ledge used to-'-er—call me ‘Pie
face.’ ”
”1 wondbr what makes a man's hair
fall out so fast when once it starts?”
“Worry,” answered the man who al
ways has an explanation ready. "Noth
ing tends to make a man bald so much
as worry, and nothing worries a man
so much as the idea that he is becom
ing bald."
“I met your wife yesterday. How
well she is looking?” “Yes. We have
been expecting her rich aunt to visit
us this summer.” “Ah.” “Of course I
don’t mean that expecting her aunt
has made my wife look so well, but it
has kept her from going away any
where for a rest.”
Mrs. Hoax—My new servant girl's
a good one. but she makes my hus
band so mad. He's a crank about his
coffee, you know. Mrs. Joax —And
she can’t make coffee, eh? Mrs. Hoax
—She makes it just right, but that's
the one thing he always likes to kick
about, and now he hasn't any excuse,
don’t you see?
Dealing in Counterfeit*.
If, notwithstanding the vigilance of
tile Federal secret service, this wide
awake country is occasionally flooded
with counterfeit money it is natural to
expect that less watchful nations
would sometimes get into very serious
difficulties through the counterfeiting
of the currency. A case in point is
Korea, which apparently is the coun
terfeiter’s paradise. Part of the trou
ble arises from the attempt of the gov
ernment to establish a nickel coinage,
the intrinsic value of which is only
about one-eighteenth its face value,
Consequently nickel is being imported
in immense quantities. The British
vice-consul at Chemulpo is authority
for the statement that there are reg
ular market quotations on counterfeits.
For instance, the official coinage is
quoted at first class, the best counter
feits as second class, the medium
counterfeits as third class and the
poorest imitations as fourth ciass.
Emperor Hi* Model.
The Emperor and Empress of Ger
many visited the little town of Moers
recently and a crowd gathered to wel
come them. Noticing a young woman
with an infant in her arms, the Em
peror asked her how many children
she had.
“Six, Your Mayesty.” was the reply
“Oh, that is too many,” said the
Kaiser gravely.
The woman's husband, however,
then stepped forward and said blunt
ly: “But you set us the example,
Your Majesty.”
For a moment the Kaiser seemed I
nonplussed, but then he answered, with I
a smile: “That’s quite true, but then I
1 am the father of my people and II
must perform my duty toward them. I