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VOL V.
STORMS.
BY REV. A. JAY BELKNAP.
• *Tis said tlic Sea of Life is rough,
That storms are wild and many,
And that of sunny skies and days
There's none, or scarcely any;
But I have been upon the wave,
And felt its varied weather,
Aud know that sun, and clouds and storms
Are well mixed up together.
So, when tho waves dash wild and high,
Aud thunders hoarsely mutter,
When angry clouds o’erspread the sky
And shade the turbid water,
We’ll laugh with gleesomemerriment,
We’ll sing a hearty chorus,
Unto the winds and clouds and spray
That harmlessly sweep o’er us
We’ll be a part of all the Storm;
We’ll share tho wild commotion
Of all these giant bacchanals
That sport npon the ocean;
For all is well; our ship is strong,
Our pilot firm and steady,
Our gallant crew is tried and true,
And for each duty ready.
And when the storm has spent its force,
When clouds begin to scatter,
How pleasantly the sunsliine pours
Its smiles upon the water!
We ne’er could feci the calm delight
Of fair aud sunny weather,
Were sun and clouds and calms and storms
Not well mixed up together.
And so there is, behind each cloud,
A soft and silver lining;
And there, although we see it not,
The sun is sweetly shining.
So then wd’ll he content with life,
And evermore remember
That, in the year of life there is
A June for each December.
La Harpc, IU.
PIRATE AND BUCCANEEI > 1.
A TRUE ACCOUNT OF THE WONDERFUL
CAREER OF THE “BLACK DOO.”
In the years 1852-3 might have been
seen lying at nuclior in the harbor of
Rio Janeiro a barkentine of extreme
beauty. built She was called the Black Dog
and was for great speed. She was
purchased by a wealthy house at Rio
Janeiro to be employed as a slaver be¬
tween tlie Brazils and the West Coast of
Africa, under the command of a young
Baltimorean by the name of Jones.
Harry Jones had been a shipmate
with the writer upon a three year’s voy¬
age to the Indian Ocean and China seas.
Not only were we shipmates, but friends.
Harry was induced by great pay to
leave the Gray Eagle aud take charge
of tho Black Dog. It was a great strug¬
gle for him to give up his position as
first officer of the Gray Eagle and go ou
board a slaver, but he was ambitious to
get rich. He made twelve successful
voyages to the Coast of Africa during
the two years’ time he was in the slave
trade.
The Brazilian government finally
stopped the importation of slaves and
the Black Dog was obliged to look in
some other direction for employment.
No country was open to her now where
she could carry on her unlawful traffic.
The owners had made a present of her to
the captain for his fine luck and fhe
great amount of money he had made for
them in the slave trade. She was uow
fitted for the east coast of Africa as a
buccaneer. The captain had no trouble
in shipping a crew, for at that time a
great number of the worst kind of men
were adrift at Rio, most of them having
been employed on board of slavers.
The next timo we heard of the Black
Dog she the was in mouth the Mozambique Chan¬
nel, at of tho Black Sea,
where she had captured a number of the
Peninsular and Oriental Company’s
boats, taking a large amount of gold and
silver from them and then allowing (hem
to proceed on their way. Afterward she
was heard from in the Persian Gulf and
along the Coromandel coast. No armed
vessel could fall in with her to prevent
her committing such bold depredations, until
she became so and noted that the
East Indian fleet had orders to capture
her if possible. China Captain and Jones Eastern now left
for the seas the pas
fia p (S
The ship Sheffield, whaler, under the
writer’s command, was now twenty
months from home. She had cruised
along the coasts of New HolTand and
and Straits of Timoor and was now oft
the cast coast of Java. We had sac
ce> -led in taking and stowing down
2,100 barrels of sperm oil since leaving
home and at the high rates quoted for
oil in New Bedford we could figure up a
fine voyage already. We stood along to
the eastward, until we arrived off the
ls'! and of Banditti. The sun never shone
bri hier, the day was never more beau
tiful, the sea was smooth and the air
soft and lovely. We were soon to leave
the cruising ground for Copang, to re
emit our ship with fresh provisions,
wood and water, expecting to be in
Hong Kong in April, there to refit for
the coast of Japan and home by way of
Cape Horn. The lookouts at the mast
he vls were skimining the horizon to
catch the glimpse*of a spout of a sperm
■wl tie when the lookout forward re
ported a sail three points on the weather
bo v, standing down across us. We
thought her to be some peaceful mer- the
chapman, wending her way and along smooth
coast With a fair wind a
sea she was soon closing up with ns.
I took my glass, swung it around my
neck and went on the foretopsail yard,
From aloft I could see her hull up. As
somi as I drew a bead on her with my
Ion? telescope glass, I was satisfied in
mv mind what she was. Going and told at them once
pn deck I called all hands
WRIGHTSVILLE, GA., SATURDAY. JULY 20, 1884.
I thought that craft -was a pirate.
We had four gnus of fair calibre; two
of them, however, were unfortunately
stowed away below. We had a, score of
muskets and as many mere cutlasses,
but what would they avail with a craft
of that kind. The pirate would want
nothing of us but provisions—perhaps
men, and of course we must submit. We
were on the port tack, standing along on
the wind.
When ho was within a milo of us,
we hauled up the mainsail and hauled
the main topsail to the mast. He brailed
np his foresail, settled down, his fore shy
sail and royal, also his gall' topsail, run
up a black flag aud fired a gun. She
now kept straight off for us to crass our
stern. We could, see two men aloft at
the main and two or three more in the
foretop, with their glasses looking down
upon talking our decks, aud could hear them
in Spanish to the officers of the
deck. The captain of the pirate jumped
upon the rail, and with his silver
trumpet iu hand hailed the ship as she
passed close under our stem.
“Whatship is that, pray?”
“The Sheffield.”
“How long out?”
“Who “Twenty months.”
commands that ship ?”
“H---.”
“Will Captain H-piease come on
board?”
We could not fight him. He could
lay off a distance and sink us with liis
Long Tom, so there remained no al¬
ternative but to submit and go on
board. I ordered the starboard quarter
boat to be lowered away aud the crow to
stand by. The pirate hove to close
under our lee quarter, so that wo had
but a short distance to pull. Wo drew
up tiful alongside to the leeward of that beau¬
craft. Before getting out of my
boat I cast my eye up along the lee rail,
Such a sight to behold ! At least seventy
fiv, men of the most desperate-looking
characters looking down upon me. They
were of all nationalities, all ages and all
colors. Two fine-looking officers passed
me the man ropes and politely touched
their hats.
As I stepped in on deck who should
stand there to receive me hut my once
most intimate friend, Harry Jones, cap¬
tain I of breathed the pirate, Black Dog. I must
say i'onnd a little more freely when
I into whose hands I had" fallen.
He quickly ashed mo to send my boat,
with its crew, back to the ship; evi¬
dently not wishing his crew to hold any
conversation with mine, saying to mo at
the same time : “This is no place for
your men to be, with such characters-as
wo have here. I shall keep you Jong
enough to make me a good long visit.”
Turning to his first officer he ordered
him to keep the ship close aboard and
report if any strange sail should heave in
sight, whilst we walked into the captain’s
private cabin. It is not enough to say
it was finely fitted up ; it surpassed iu
elegance anything I had ever soon. My
boat was soon alongside the Sheffield and
hoisted to the cranes. The ship braced
forward her main yard and stood along
by the wind, the Black Dog keeping
along on her lee quarter, in hailing dis¬
tance.
Great excitement prevailed on board
the Sheffield, the officers and crew not
understanding board the meaning of my being
detained on the pirate. They
thought the ship would be a prize to the
Black Dog, not knowing the captain and
myself bad been shipmates on a three
years’ cruise. After a time we looked
the craft over. Her complement of of¬
ficers and men, all told, was ninety, but
at that time tbe^rew was somewhat re¬
duced in numbers. She carried four
eighteen-ponnders on each side, with a
Long Tom amidships and everything fit¬
ted for the business in which she was en¬
gaged. Upon the rim of her wheel, iu
large gold letters, were these words :
Black Dog—“The world owes mo a
living.”
She was a perfect vessel in all her ap¬
pointments. I remained on board one
night and a part of two days. The time
was occupied in rehearsing our told voyages he
since we last met. Harry me
bad become so noted as a buccaneer world. hip
name was known all over the A
brand was upon him worso than that
upon Cain.
“Since taking command of this bark,”
be went on to say “it has not been my
purpose to take life. At one time I lost
forty-five out of ninety of my crew with
ship fever. Night and day I was with
them, ministering to their wants with
my own hands, whilst I, the worst of
them all, was spared to continue this
cursed life. Well, my time is .short in
tp,, se geas> I am already hunted not
onJy p y t h e English but by the Dutch
am j my own countrymen. But give me
| )reeze and I care for nothing that car¬
r j eB ga fr 8 — 8 teara and calms are the only
things I fear;” he concluded, and heaved
a
On the second day, before
Dog’s foretopsaii was hove back
and a signal set for my boat. It was
soon alongside. We took a very large
mo ii f rom the Black Dog, to be delivered
a ( Hong Kong; also a large amount of
Dills and valuables from the captain Brazilian con
signed to the care of the
Consul . depart
jt was time for me to take my
are an d bid my friend good-bye, quite
likelv never to meet again. A tear rolled
down hiB cheek ; he pressed my hand.
i waB soon in my boat and on board
the Sheffield. The Black Dog made all
sail, steered away south for Macassar
straits and in a short time was out of
sigHt. She was next heard from at the
U orth entrance of Torres Straits and the
a0 uth end of Borneo, where she had cap
; ture d ft - number of ships. These ships
i ji-xd large consignments of gold bars and
; g0 ^ dust from the Australian mines. It
Marco was reported that one of those ships, the
Polo, had onboard eight hundred
thousand in gold, which the Black Dog
had captured. News of her depreda¬
tions were soou spread abroad. The
English fleet then lying at Singapore
and Hong Kong was oraored to go in
pursuit of the sea rover. One fine
morning, when off the uorth end of
Borneo, the English steam sloop-of-wav
Hector fell iu with the Black Dog, lying
becalmed close in slioro. The Hector
boro away for tho jnrato. The captain
of tho pirate saw that his chances were
small, unless the trade winds should
soon set in, by means of which he could
escape by running through one of the
shoal water passages. If lie could not
thus escape he would run her ashore or
destroy her. He, as well as his officers
aud crew, would never surrender alive.
The steamer was fast approaching, as
it was a dead calm. Tho last extremity
would he to touch a match to the maga
ziue and blow her up with all on board.
Tho pirate’s crow stood by their guns,
determined to fight to the last. The
sloop-of-war liad hoisted the St. George's
cross, and in return tho Black Dog rim
up tho Brazilian flag, with the piratical
flag underneath.
There was no mistaking now the
character of the barkentino. As soon
as tlio Englishman got within range ho
commenced firing at the pirate. Her
guns were of much heavier metal than
those of the pirate and her crew more
than double. The Black Dog opened
or unlimbered her Long Tom amidships,
hoping to do some damage to the steam¬
er’s machinery. Every shot from the
pirate’s guns was tolling sadly upon the
steamer. Her crow evidently had been
well drilled. Tho pirate captain was
walking tho quarter-deck quickly, giving
orders, pulling his hair and muttering
excitedly, “Oh, for a breeze.” Tho
shots from tho sloop-of-war were flying
thick and fast above and around him.
The Englishman kept off to come up
vstern of the pirate, so as to rake him
fore and aft. Down came the Black
Dog’s foretopmast and foretop gallant
mast, all royals, the deck. yards, sails and rigging,
upon At the same time
came a shot in amidships, capsizing the
Long Tom and killing a number of the
crow. With all the top hamper upon
tho deck it was impossible for the
pirate’s crew to longer work their guns.
The steamer rushed boldly alongside,
two hundred men standing ready wiflt
cutlasses and pistols to board the pirate
as soon as she would be near enough for
them to jump. As the steamer was
ranging alongside tho pirate let go her
four port guns, killing and wounding a
largo number of tho steamer’s crew and
doing much damage to the ship. The
two hundred men jumped on board the
Black Dog, her captain standing by with
match in hand to lire the magazine. Just,
as he was about to apply the torch a ball
from a sharpshooter, fired from the lore
top of the Hector, lay the captain low
on deck.
The crow of the Black Dog was soon
overpowered. A large number had been
killed and wounded, leaving few to sur¬
render of that once large and brave
crew. No time was lost in securing tho
prisoners—forty-five them between iu number—placing
decks, ironed and under
charge of armed sentinels. Tlio officers
of the pirate had all been killed iu the
battle, the dead buried and the wounded
cared for. A strong harder was • made
fast to the pirate’s foremast, the othei
end taken to the Hector, she steamed
ahead with the pirate in tow, passing
along the Pallawann passage, heading
for Hong Kong. The pirate captain was
found to be alive. He was taken to his
cabin and watched over by the surgeon
or the Hector. A large amount of gold
and silver—some two hundred and fifty
thousand dollars—was fonnd on board.
The captain of the Black Dog had land¬
ed a large amount of gold at Borneo the
day previous to his capture.
On the 25th of March the Hector ar¬
rived at Hong Kong with -her valuable
prize in tow. The Black Dog was con¬
demned as a lawful prize to her Majes¬
ty's steam sloop Hector, of eighteen
guns, and sold at auction to the house
of Jardine, Madison & Co. for $40,000,
to be employed iu the opium trade be¬
twixt Bombay and China. Her name
was changed to that of Antelope, and.
for many years she was tho fastest opium
clipper in the China seas.
Tho captain aud wounded seamen of
tho Black Dog were removed from tho
vessel to the hospital, and for many
days the captain’s life was ctespaircd with of.
Harry had grown so much in favor
the officers of the Hector aud they, hav¬
ing fared so well in prize money, would
not appear against him. They would had
never attempt to convict a man who
shown such groat courage as the captain
of the Black Dog. Those of the crew
who recovered had shipped ou board the
Hector, The captain still remained
in the hospital. friend
After bidding adieu to our of
the Black Dog off the isiaud of Baniitti.
the Sheffield steered away for the Java
Seas and altogether captured 2,400 a number barrels of of whales,
making the against sperm
oil. As monsoons were us,
we had to beat all the way up the China
Sea aud a U' ved a t Hong Kong on the
23d of May. After . . , calling upon my
agent and entering the slap at the Cns
tom House, hearing ot the capture of
the Black Dog and that her captain, was
lying wounded in the hospital, I soon
made my way there to see him. I found
lmn so much improved that lie “We
to give me a full recital of his capture,
The large amount of valuable papers,
English government bills, drafts and the
like, which Harry had consigned to my
care at Banditti Island to be tnkeu to
the Brazilian Consul at Hong Kong, I
now had the pleasure of giving back in-
to His Harry’s health own hands.
long rapidly improved, the so that
ire lie was smuggled by officers
of the Hector on board one of the Pacific
Mail boats, then lying in port, and iu
due time safely arrived iu San Francis¬
co, without having had any form of trial.
From San Francisco he made his way
to the Brazils, where he entered into a
course of his dissipation ill-gotten and run through
most of gains. In 1870 1
was in Baltimore with my ship, lying at
one of the wharves at Fell’s Point. Ouo
day who should come on hoard but Har
ry; but oh, how changed! From the
once fine, intelligent looking man to a
perfect wreck, shunned by all. A few
mouths afterward I heard of his death,
He had fallen from a dock aud been
drowned while iu a state of intoxication,
“Ignorant,” said tho drummer of 1 1 is
rival; “why, lie’s totally uneducated,
Ho doesn’t even know the monkey and
parrot story.”
Feeding* Apple Pomace.
I will relate some facts in regard to
this subject. Years ago, when a girl at
home, my father kept a cider press for
tlio benefit of himself and his neighbors,
and fed the pomace to horses and cows
—not, however, all they would eat. One
day the cows got at tho pomace and
gorged themselves. The result was that
they were sick—one much worse than
the rest. It seemed to draw her all up,
and in two days’ time, from giving a
pailful of milk, not a spoonful could be
got from her. Tho others shrank about
half iu their milk, hut they could
scarcely ually stagger arouud. They all grad¬
tlieir recovered, and in a few weeks
gave usual amount of milk again.
This happened not only once, but nearly
every season, as by some cliauco a gate
would be carelessly left open, and the
cows get at the pomace with similar re¬
sults. He fed it to the horses only a
short time as it seemed to make them
weak.
We dried many apples in those days,
and tried feeding the peelings and cores
to the cows. The results were not so
had as from the pomace, but there was a
visible shrinkage in the milk. To make
certain wo tried feeding them fcveral
times, at intervals, but thoro was a
shrinkage at tho pail every time. Wo
were undecided whether to attribute it
to the apple or the apple seeds. Why
cows can cat apple pomace with impuni¬
ty, ns related, 1 cannot explain, except
ou the hypothesis that there maybe us
much difference iu the digestive organs
of cattle as in tho human species. Some
people can eat heartily of anything and
everything, inconvenience without experiencing any
could therefrom, while others
not partake of such a diet without
serious results. Our cows were of the
common breed, hearty, aud in good
order, but they certainly could not stand
apple pomuce.
The chickens often becamo weak ann
staggered about, and we thought it was
because they ate so many apple seeds.
They twisted their heads about as if
crazy. the Something must he done with
pomace, so my father concluded to
experiment with it as a fertilizer, hauling
it out ou half of two fields at opposite
ends of the farm. One was a sandy
loam, the other moro of a clay soil. In
tho spring the heaps were spread and
plowed under. The result was very
small crops on both fields thus treated,
and nothing where the heaps had lain.
But on the remaining portions of tlio
fields, where no pomace was put, 'the
several crops were as for good as usual. It took
years these fields to regain
their former fertility. So thereafter lie
had the pomace hauled on a swampy
patch which produced nothing but
briers. It soou killed them out, and
nothing grew thereon but a few stunted
apple trees which sprouted from the
seeds in the pomace. I am not suffi¬
ciently versed in science to give any
reasons, but simply state the facts.—
Mattie, in the Country Gentleman.
The Dour Utile Baby.
Katie, a well-dressed, pretty little wife,
Iff years old, with a baby 6 months old
in her arms, charged Spencer, her hus¬
band, 20 years old, in a Philadelphia
Court with deserting and failing to sup
{fort her and the baby.
“What is the cause of this trouble ?”
asked Judge Allison. Sir,” answored, sob¬
“It is this, she
bing; “ho wanted me to go live with his
parents, and I wouldn’t do it,”
“And she wanted me to go live with
uer parents,” interposed tho boy hus¬
band, “and I wouldn’t do it.”
“My dear children,” said tlio Judge,
go settle this little difference between
you, aud wherever you live together, bo
mutually forbearing, and I am sure you
will be happy.” looked Spencer, and Sponcei
Katie at
looked at Katie, and both looked at the
bahv, lying smiling in Katie’s arms. the
“Katie,” said Spencer, as ho took
baby up and kissed it, “the ” Judge has
a level head. Let us go.
He gave the baby back into her care,
but as they were going out the baby
(urned around aud laughed a merry little
laugh. Papa took hold of the baby’s
dimpled bauds and held them while he
tickled the baby’s nose with the soft
down on his upper lip. The baby’s
laugh grew louder and merrier and the
half-score of older wives and othei
mothers waiting in the court-room to
tell their dismal stories forgot their woes
long enough to smile links on the spectacle,
“See how the baby them together,”
said apparently the oldest and saddest
iooking of these. “Oh, my ! Oh, my 1
The dear little baby.”
Be praised not for your ancestors, but
for your virtues.
AMONG THE DUNKARDS.
A IIESUUIPTION OF TI1E1R PECULIAR
RITES.
Tlirlr Love Fenst nmi Metlioil ofUclebrnt
iug tlio Lord’* Supper.
Tho church was divided down the cen
tor by a long table, and this table was
divided in the center to allow passage
between. At one end the men sat on
benches ranged along tho table; the
oilier end or division of the table was in
like manner occupied by the women. A
strip of plank with pegs iu it was over
the men’s table, and was hung full of
their immense hats. A staircase iu one
corner went up into the loft above,
where all tho congregation who havo to
come any distance sleep on the floor and
in bunks; they bring their beddiug
with them, and, as they do not insist
npon the separation of the sexes, a
great many can he accommodated iu
this garret. People acquainted with
their habits said that they slept in sack¬
cloth and ashes while here for several
nights. A door at the foot of the stairs
led into the kitchen, in which a tremen¬
dous fire crackled under a great iron pot
hanging on a crane in a spacious chim¬
ney that would easily burn a cord of
wood uncut. From this pot a savory
steam escaped aud made its way through
the open door, pervading the atmos¬
phere with a most appetizing odor of
beef. Soon there were prayers from
first one and then another of the men,
alternated with exceedingly brief and
crude addresses. Hymns were also
lined out and sung to very monotonous
tunes. During all the time the men aud
women at their kissing respective tables were
embracing aud each other. It
looked rather strange to see two men
with Esau-like beards kissing each
other. There were several negroes at
the tables, who were embraced and
kissed just the same as the other mem¬
bers, and kissed equally as freely.
After these addresses, prayers and
hymns had gone on for an hour or moro
some of the men and women brought
little wooden tubs and towels. Then
one man or one woman, as the case
might ho, washed the feet of another,
after tlieir boots or shoes and woolen
stockings were removed, kissing them
both before and after it. Another, with
his coat removed (if a man), and a
towel about liis waist, wiped the feet
after bestowing the kiss of brotherly
lovo, as it is called; then gave up the
towel and tub to some one else, who
performed the same office for them in
turn. This custom, as one of the
preachers explained, “was to show their
humility and brotherly love,” and also
to follow Christ at the last supper.
After this office had been concluded,
praying, singing aud speaking went on
as before. A man now entered bearing
a great basket of bread, a slice of which,
about nine inches long, five wide, and of
au indefinite thickness, was laid in front
of each person; next a spoon was put at
each place; tliou dishes of soup with
square bits of bread broken iu it were
placed so that there was one for every
four persons; then appeared Inigo
pieces <>? boiled beef. Everything being
thus prepared, one of the preachers ex¬
plained Scriptures that according tho to tlieir reading
of the communion did not
mean simply the taking of tho elements
of bread and wine, but that the last sup¬
per of Christ was a feast, and their aim
was to imitate Him exactly. After a
blessing had been asked iu the ordinary
way, with alJ standing around, they be¬
gan to eat the heartily. Without waiting to
clear up table, they proceeded to
complete their communion, by taking
the latter part of the feast. This con¬
sisted of what appeared to be unleav¬
ened bread, made into long, thin strips
eight inches long, an inch wide, and
about tho thickness of a newspaper
when folded. An explanation of the
ceremony was made by a minister, and
a sort of informal blessing oi the ele¬
ments was pronounced. The slices of
bread were lying in a napkin, wiiiio the
wine was in two patent medicine bottles
labeled “iiver corrector.”
The bread was distributed, one per¬
son taking a strip with two of bis com¬
pieces, panions, thus and breaking it into three
again following out their
idea of a preservation of the Trinity, as
wine, they do on every possible occasion ; tho
or “liver corrector,” was next
tributed, poured into tin cups, and likewise dis¬
both among women and men.
as the bread liad been. During and
after the ceremony there was much
kissing and embracing, and after the
communion singing, praying and speak¬
ing were ngnin resumed.— Washington
Star.
It was at the race-track. Little Miss
Dutiful was therewith her mamma, aud
as Lieutenant Jackpot of the army went
by Miss Dutiful ejaculated Lieutenant : Jackpot!
“Oh, there’s ho is!”
How handsome
“Yes.” replied her racehorses." Kentucky mother;
“he “Why, is just what like some do mean?” queried
you
the daughter. “that
“I mean,” said fast.” Mrs, Dutiful, ho
is handsome and
Summer Squash Fritters. —To a pint
of cold boiled squash add one egg well
beaten, and two heaping tablospoonfiils of
flour, a palatable seasoning of salt
and pepper: beat over the tire a frying
pan full ot fat, and when it is smoking
hot dn >p the squash into it by the table¬
spoonful, lay anil them fry tho brown fritters golden
brown; ou paper for a
moment after they are done—to free
them from fat—aud then serve them.
Tins is the bitterest of all—to wear
tho yoke of our owu wrong doing.
NO. 10.
TILE JOKER'S BUDGET.
WHAT WE FIND IN THE HUMOROUS
PAPERS TO SMI 1.1, OVER.
MORAL FOR HUSBANDS.
Mr. Minks— “I don’t know what wo
shall do. I have lost all my money iu
the Grant. & Ward failure.”
Mrs. Minks —“I am not surprised,
Mrs. Finks was iu to-day and said her
husband did not lose a cent.”
“That is strange. He was in as deep
as I was.”
“But he drew it out three weeks ago,
at the request of liis wife.”
“My gracious, you don’t say so.”
“Yes, she and I both demanded mon
cy for our spring wardrobes at the same
time. Her husband yielded, but you,
my dear, refused.”— Phila. Call.
QUALIFIED FOR A NURSE.
Lady (in an intelligence office—"I am
afraid that that little girl wou’t do for a
nurse. She is too small. I should hesi¬
tate to trust her with the madam, baby.” look
Clerk—“Her size, wo
upon as her greatest recommendatiou.”
Lady—“Indeed ? But she is so very
small.”
Clerk—“I know that she is diminu¬
tive, but you should remember that
when she drops a baby it doesn’t havo
very far to fail. ”— Evening Call.
‘•SPACIALLY JIM.”
X ivns mighty good-lookin’ when I was young
With Feci fellers t an’ black-eyed courtin' an’ Sunday slim, nights,
a ine
’Hpacially Jim.
The likeliest one of ’em all was lie,
Chipper, tin han son , mi trim,
But x tossed up my head an’ made fun o’ the
crowd, Jim!
’Spacially
I said I hadn’t no ’pinion o’ men,
An' I wouldn’t take stock in him !
But they kep' np a cornin’ in spite o’ my talk.
’Spacially Jim.
I got so tired o’ havin' ’em ronn’
(’Spacially Jim!) mind I’d settle down
1 made up my
An’ take up with him.
So ive wore married one Sunday in church,
’ i'waa crowded full to tho brim;
’Tivas the only way to got rid of ’em all,
’Spacially Jim. Century “Jlric-a-Brac
—
OUT OF DOORS.
Some timo ago, on a very cold and
stormy day, an auction sale was held at
the New York Custom House. Among
tho articles sold were a lot of old doors,
bought by a gentleman from Staton
Island. Mr. B--, the auctioneer,
rather surprised at the purchase, re¬
marked :
“T---, what are you going to dowitl*
those doors?”
The “Why, quick Mr. response was: wouldn’t have
B--, you
a man out of doors such weather as
this !”— Harper’s "Drawer.”
ENTIRELY TOO HIGH.
Dealer—“Yes, these strawberries are
perfectly fresh. Just received ’em this
morning.” ?”
Customer—“What is the price
“Only twenty cents a box now.”
(Examining the box.) “Too high; too
high.” madam, cents box at
“Why, twenty is at all a high.
this time of tho season not
It is low.”
“I was not referring to the berries.”
“To what, then ?”
“To the bottoms of the boxes.”
AGRICULTURAL RELATIONSHIP.
“I can’t understand,” said a Fort
Wayne man tho other day, “why it is
that weeds always grow so much faster
than my vegetables and seem to thrive
so mucii better."
“Ob, well,” replied the friend, “you
must remember the earth is the mother
of tho weeds and only step-mother t©
your garden truck.”— Jloosier.
. IT MEYER WAS LOST.
Mr. and Mrs. Biirpeo have a great
habit of arguing questions; now this is
all perfectly right if Mrs. Burpee
wouldn’t get angry and fly all to pieces
for she has a regular whirlwind temper.
A few days ago a heated debato sprang
up between them, and as usual Mrs. B.
got mad.
“Hold on, Saliny,” gently chauced remon¬ to be
strated her mother, who temper.”
present, “don’t lose your
“Huh,” growled Burpee, thought¬
fully, “no use to put in that caution;
her infernal temper has got too big a
hold on her to be lost.”— Atlanta Con~
stitution.
A KENTUCKY COLONEL,
At a soldiers’ reunion, a colonel whe
hailed from Kentucky was invited tc
make a speech. Ho mounted the stand
and began a eulogy on the soldier.
Wanning up to his topio, he exclaimed
with passionate fervor: “The soldiers’
home is on the battle-field.”
As he paused impressively, “You a veteran always
iu the crowd hand yelled at up. running from
were a great away
home." followed this
The silence which re¬
mark became very embarrassing, and
the Kentuckian refrained from any
further remarks.
GONE TO PERDITION.
“I was a fool not to follow my own
judgment. 1 knew if we sent the boy
aw ay from home he would go to perdi¬
tion,” sobbed Mrs. Blimber, looking read- up
from n letter which she had been
ing. with the
“Why, what.'s the matter
boy “Matter ?” asked I” Mr. exclaimed B. calmly. his wife, “he’s
joined a baseball club,"