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VOL V.
dirge.
Foil 0X12 WHO VEIX 1S BATTLE.
Pnom for a soldier ! Lav him in Iho clover
He loved the fields, and they shall be his cover;
Make his mound with licrs who called him once
.
her lover;
Where the rain may vain upon it.
Where the sun may shine upon it,
Where the lamb hath lain upon it,
And the bee will dino upon it.
Hear him to no dismal tomb undor cilv
churches;
Take him to tho fragrant fields, by the silver
birches;
Where the whippoorwill shall mourn, where
the oriole perches;
Make his mound with sunshine on it,
Where tho bee will dine upon it,
Where the lamb hath lain upon it,
And the rain will rain upon it.
Posy as the busy bee, his rest should bo the
clover;
fcTfntle as the lamb was he, and the fern should
be his cover;
Pern and rosemary shall grow my soldier's pil¬
low over—
Where tho rain may ra in upon it,
Where the sun may slime upon it,
Where the lamb hath lain upon it,
And the bee will dine upon it.
Suusliine in liis heart, the rain would come
full often
Out of those tender eyes which evermore did
soften;
fie never could look cold till wo saw him in his
coffin;
Make his mound with sunshine on it,
Where the wind may sigh upon i* *
Where the moon may stream upon it,
And Memory shall dream ,
. upon it. »
“Captain hymn or Colonel”-wl-^,^. the bes^ invocatimi
Suit our nQ uiatu . r for tljy g(a
_
tion—
On thy gvave^ tRe ra ; n f a p f r0m (],, eyes
of a • mighty nation 1
Long as the sun doth shine upon it
Shall glow the goodly pine upon it,
Long ns tho stars do gleam upon it
Shall Memory come to dream upon it.
T. W. Larsons.
M AMICABLE SETTLEMENT
Mr. Gimbiet, the celebrated ex-detee
?tivc, was foolish enough to transact his
: Stock Exchange business through an
outside broker. With all his astuteness,
lie ahnred the idiosyncrasy of mauv
■ clever people, his of being somewhat care¬
less about private affairs, and the
glowing advertisements of Messrs. Vant
k Siowbody had badly proved by irresistible. He
had not done the firm, upon
the whole, when one mtirning he learned
to his great disappeared disgust that the junior part¬
ner had after committing
extensive defalcations.
Mr. Gimblet, fortunately, had recent¬
ly realized nearly all his securities and
duly received payment. There remained
a balance due to him, lint it was not
very much, arid if the failure ol Messrs.
Vant & Siowbody had occurred in the
ordinary way, ho would have borne his
loss with equanimity. But, according
to the reports published in the newspa¬
pers, it appeared brought that the misfortune
had been entirely about by the
flagrant dishonesty of Mr. Siowbody,
who had taken advantage of his senior’s
temporary absence to abscond with an
enormous sum of money, r.nd had ap¬
parently contrived to p^-t clear away
with bis booty. The FVcatost sympathy
was hastened expressed for y au t i who had
home o\, bearing the startling
news, only ' t0 find himself utterly
ruined. It made Mr. Gimblet very
angry indeed to think that he had been
r °fojed, and ho determined scot-free that Mr. for
rfiowbody should not escape could render.
want of any assistance ho
Accordingly Mr. Gimblet attended
tho preliminary meeting of the creditors
of the firm, dressed in his best, with the
inevitable flower in his buttonhole. No¬
body paid the slightest attention to him,
for he modestly kept in the background
and took no part in the proceedings.
He did not trouble his head by attempt¬
ing to follow the figures and the dry
•business details wnich bore upon tho
important question of the dividend the
■estate would yield, but certain parts of
Mr. Vant’s pathetic and eloquent much, state¬
ment interested him so that
when the meeting adjourned, he politely
accosted that gentleman and requested a
few minutes’ conversation.
Mr. Vant seemed inclined to resent
Mr. Gimblet’s demand as an imperti
ii- nee. ILe was a florid, elderly man,
with a loud voice, and rather pompous
ammners. He probably considered he had made, that
rafter the ample statement
the questions that be had satisfactorily
answered, and the unanimous vote of
sympathy by which his creditors had
testified their appreciation of his
straightforward conduct, he might be
spared the importunities of individual
creditors. this
“I am afraid that just at sir,” moment he
I have no time to give you, re
plied, glancing rather superciliously at
Mr. Gimblet. might ,
“Very well. Only I thought T I . „
possibly be of some service to yon/’
said Mr. Gimblet, quietly. inquired Mr. Vant.
“In what way?” Gimblet,” said the
“Myuame is ex
detective, producing one of his business
cards. ;. M,V„,
ot
through my late partner ; that is why I
did not recognize you. Come in here.
Mr. Gimblet followed Mr. Vant into
a small private room, with a gratified
smile upon his shrewd lips. Vanity
was the ex-detective’s weak point,
be could not help feeling flattered
Mr. Vant’s change of manner.
WRIGHTSVILLiC, OA., SATURDAY, AUGUST 2, 1884.
“I believe yon are one of tne smaller
creditors. Mr. Gimblet, fortunately for
yourself,” remarked Mr. Vant, when
they were alone.
“\es, said Mr. Gimblet, taking a
mental note of Hie fact that for the first
time during the day Mr. Vant showed
signs of nervousness. “However, I did
not wish to trouble you about that.”
“Oh! don’t consider mo for a mo¬
his ment,” said Mr. Vant, with a wave of
white hand. “I place myself entirely
and unreservedly at the disposition of
my creditors. Everything I possess iu
the world—my house, my plate and my
carriages, and even mv wife’s jewelry*—
will go toward increasing the dividend
and repairing this terrible disaster ns
far as lies in my power.”
“So 1 understand,” said Mr. Gimblet,
finite unmoved. “I wanted to ask you
about Mr. Siowbody.”
“A warrant has been issued for his ap¬
prehension,” what returned Mr. Vant, some¬
“Yes, impatiently. sir,
I know ; but not until too
late.”
“What do von mean ? I gave inform¬
ation to the police within an hour of my
return home/’ said Mr. Vant, reddening
slightly.
“I understand the facts are these,”
said Mr. Gimblet. “You and your fam¬
ily were staying at Biarritz.”
“Vje bad been there two montb.B,” in
tRr ,posed Mr. Vant.
“Exactly. You had no suspicion of
your partner’s proceedings until--”
’•‘Until I received his letter from
Queenstown, informing mo of his
flight,” interrupted Mr. Vant, quickly.
“I immediately stnrted homo by the
first train, and after spending half an
hour here, I called in tho police. You
see I did not lose a moment.”
“No ; but the letter did not reach you
till several days—more than a week, in
fact—after date,” remarked Mr. Gim¬
blet.
“That is so. Unfortunately, I had
left Biarritz with my family the day be¬
fore tlio letter arrived there. Conse¬
quently it had to be forwarded on to
Paris, and that caused delay.”
“Mr. Siowbody had plenty of time to
reach America, if that was his destina¬
tion between the date of his letter and
the time of your giving information to
the police,” observed Mr. Gimblet, mus¬
ingly.
“That may he. I presume these ques¬
tions have reference to a desire on your
part to assist iu apprehending my late
partner?” said Mr. Vant, drawing him¬
self up.
“Most certainly. Considering that he iu
has robbed and mined you, no one
his senses would imagine you desired to
assist his escape,” said Mr. Gimblet with
an innocent air.
“My dear sir, I—I am a Christian, a
professing Christian certainly, and I
hope a sincere one. At the same time,
I cannot help feeling vindictive toward
my late partner. As you say, he
lias robbed and ruined me. When
I think of the misery and suffer¬
ing he lias wrought—” said
“What do the police say, sir?”
Mr. Gimblet, interrupting Mr. Vant’s
remarks with scant courtesy.
“Well, they have no clew at present,
but they are hopeful,” answered Mr.
Vant, “I am sure they would bo grate
ful for any suggestion you could make
to them.”
“No they wouldn’t, because I might
tell them that they arc on the wrong
' said Mr. Gimblet,
scent altogether,” companion straight in the
looking his
' “However,” feigning not to
face. no¬
tice Mr. Vant’s start and look of con
fusion. ‘I never interfere in what
doesn’t concern me. Tlio police can go
their way, and I will go mine.”
“You are exceedingly kind,” returned
Mr. Vant, evidently striving to appear
cordial, “to interest yourself about tho
matter.”
“Don’t mention it, sir,” said Mr, Gim
blet, taking up his hat; “you see I've
been robbed—that is the long and short
of it. I’ve not lost much; it’s the hav¬
ing been swindled that riles me. I
should like to be even with Mr. Blow
body,” not singular in that desire,
“You are
Mr. Gimblet,” said Mr. Vant, extending
his hand, “Anything you have to sug
gest will receive the most careful atten
tion.”
Mr. Gimblet wended his way home
ward in a verv thoughtful frame of mind
after this interview. The fact was that
he felt completely mystified by Mr.
Vant’s behavior. While that gentleman
was making his statement to Ids credit
ors, the ex-detective had been struck
by a sudden suspicion that he was acting
a part. The idea came to him with tUo
force and suddenness which lie had
learned from experience to associate
with a happy inspiration. The great sc
cret of Mr. Gimblet’s success in his pc
culiar line of business was a singular
knack of forming a correct conclusion
without the process of reasoning. He
was by no means wanting in logical aided per- in
ception, but be was frequently intuition
bis investigations by a sort of
v .i 4 i c L put him on the right track when
others were vainly groping in the dark.
H e had instinctively mistrusted Mr.
Yant from the moment ho commenced
; j pis speech, and when the proceedings
tcrm i Da ted he felt impelled to engage
I fcfisrtftt
| In fact, Mr. Gimblet had a of very direct strong
; impression that, in spite the gentleman evi
deliCe to the contrary, sympathy than
waB n o more entitled to
bis defaulting partner. consider the details,
When he came to
however, Mr. Gimblet was inclined
mistrust his opinion. It was quite
that Mr. Blowbody had decamped as al¬
leged, and had involved his partner in
ruin. The report of the accountants, n
firm of high standing, proved indisputa¬
bly not only that Mr. Siowbody hod
robbed his clients but also he had
pledged property belonging to Mr. Vant,
besides appopriating the whole of their
joint capital. the The statement of affairs
disclosed most shameful frauds on
the part of Mr. Siowbody, in none of
which was there the slightest evidence
to show that Mr. Vant had been impli¬
cated. In fact the surrounding circum¬
stances all pointed to the innocence of
the senior partner and no shadow of sus¬
picion appeared to rest upon him. But
when Mr. Gimblet was seized with an
idea lie did not- easily suffer himself to
be disconcerted by adverse facts. Con¬
sequently, when be reached bis dingy
ollice, he said to one of his assistants :
you?” “Grainger, you live at Clnpliam, don’t
“Yes, sir.”
“I want you to make a few inquiries
about a Mr. Vant,” said Mr. Gimblet,
thoughtfully lilotting-pad. drawing crosses with his
lien on his
“Is that the gentleman who has been
swindled by his partner?”
“Yes. The matter doesn’t press at all;
any time will do. Just find out whon
he left Biarritz, and what day he re¬
ceived in Paris the news of his partner’s
disappearance. You may be able to get
it from one of the servants. ”
After this Mr. Gimblet dismissed the
subject, from bis mind, having more im¬
portant business on hand. He learned
from the newspapers that no clue had
been obtained ns to the whereabouts of
the defaulting partner, nnd it seemed
pretty certain that he had made good his
escape. At length his subordinate re¬
minded him of the mission he had in¬
trusted to him. '
“Well, what have you ascertained?”
“1 made tlio acquaintance of the gen¬
tleman’s valet, sir, who accompanied tho
family to Biarritz. ”
“Yes?”
“Every one in Clapham sympathizes
very much with Mr. Vant. Tho house
and furniture are to be sold and the ser¬
vants have all received notice.”
“Of course,” said Mr. Gimblet impa¬
tiently.
“The family stayed Hotel at Biarritz nearly
two months, at the d’Angleterre.
They left on the 20th of January and
went to Paris. The letter followed them
there, forwarded with other letters from
Biarritz som,e days later,”
“Yes?”
“The valet was in the room whon tho
letter arrived. Mr. Vant opened it and
was valet dreadfully did upset. Of course, tho
not know what had happened
at the time, but bo guessed there was
something abused wrong by tho way Mr. Vant
him for picking np tlio onvelopo
from the floor.”
“Oh! How was that?” inquired Mr.
Gimblet with sudden interest.
“The valet stooped to pick up tho en¬
velope which had fgllon. Mr. Vant
pounced upon him directly and snatched
it away from him and destroyed it in a
passion.” looking
“I suppose ho saw tho man
curiously nt the postmark or something?”
said Mr. Gimblet, thoughtfully. valet didn’t
“I suppose ho did, lmt the
notice anything except that the. letter
had a Spanish stamp.” Gimblet,
“Eh?” exclaimed Mr.
quickly.
“That is what the man said, sir,” said
tho clerk, a little startled by an abrupt
movement of his master.
“Very well. What else?” inquired
Mr. Gimblet.
It was evident, however, that his mind
was pre-occupied, and that lie paid details but
little attention to the remaining
which his assistant related. The latter
were quite unimportant, and when the
man had finished, Mr. Gimblet dis¬
missed him without asking anything
further. But the incident of the letter
—or rather tho envelope—afforded professed him
food for reflection. The letter
to have been written in Queenstown, and
to have come from there. Mr. Gimblet
had seen a copy of it, the original being
in the hands of the police. Obviously
the envelope containing it ought to have
been franked by an English stamp. The
fact of its having a Spanish stamp
showed conclusively that it had notbeeu
posted in Ireland. ^ course it was just
possible that the valet might have been
mistaken at a hasty glance; but, oni the
other hand, why should Mr. Vant have
seized it so anxiously, and why had h
destroyed so important a pieceofevi
dence ? Upon the whole, Mr. Gimblet
was inclined to believe the correctness
of the valet s story; and this suggeste
the mferenw that Mr. Vant had been
misleading the police and his creditors
for the purpose of screening his followed partner,
The train of thought which
this discovery kept Mr Gun o
fully occupied lor halt an hour, during
which time ho sat at his desk, whistling
softly to himself, with a very knowing
expression. At length he roused iim
wlf from his reverie, and started off into
thq city, where he pan! a visit to Mr.
* nnietlv quietly,
“Ive called sir h® said,
up™ being ushered
mans office, with ttert ce 00 n
f ve rfLl to see von Mr
I a am sorry to say. ^ I , eupp "Z ™you y
Well, I think 1 ve fou tl , t 8Cme
thing, sir," said Mr. Gimblet, with edi
lying humility. is ?” inquired Mb
“Indeed! What it
Vant, condescendingly.
“Ton said the letter announcing the
flight of your partner came from Queens¬
town ?”
“So it did. The police have it.”
“It professed to come from Queens¬
town, but I can prove that it really
came from Spain, and that you kno-v
it,” said Mr. Gimblet, in a half-matter
of-fact tone.
Mr. Vant fell back in his ohair as
chough he had been shot, and turned ns
pale as marble. The ex-detective’s caused
oalm and penetrating gaze the
denial he attempted to utter to die away
on his lips. After a pause ha said
hoarsely:
“I did it for the best. He had
wronged me, but he had been my friend,
I had no other motive.”
“You may tell that to the marines,
sir,” said Mr. Gimblet, with a wink.
“Do you mind my telling you a little
story?”
“What about?” murmured Mr. Vant.
“About two friends of mine—call ’em
Smith and .Tones,” began Mr. Gimblet,
quite cheerfully. “Smith and Jones
were in business together, but things
went from bad to worse till nothing re¬
mained but to shut up shop. But
Smith, who was an enterprising fellow,
proposed to Jones to raise everything all the money they
they could, to collar
could lay their hands on, and to make a
bolt.”
kind “Nothing of the kiud 1 nothing of the
I” gasped Mr. Vant.
“But .Tones had a better idea than
that,” resumed Mr. Gimblet. “He
suggested instead that Smith should do
as he proposed, and leave him behind.
This arrangement would suit both of
them. Smith would have more capital
to make a fresh start in another coun¬
try, while Jones would remain behind
and pose as a martyr. You see, sir, a
crash was inevitable; Jones was bound
to have lost everything, and lie pro
ferred to do so under circumstances
that would secure popular sympathy
and induco his friends to come forward.
Besides, of course, he was to have part
of the swag on the quiet.” farthing,”
“No. I’ll swear, not a
cried Mr. Vant, vehemently. “It’s—
it’s a lie, nil of it,” he added, evidently
beside himself.
“There is a preoions lot of money
gono, Mr. Vant,” Baid Mr. Gimblet,
meaningly.
“Look hero, Mr. Gimblet,” said Mr.
Vant, making a desperate effort to re
cover his composure, and dropping his
voice to a tremulous whisper, “suppose
everything had happened precisely as
you say, what could you prove ?”
“I should leave that to others,” re¬
plied Mr. Gimblet, evasively.
“But nobody could had provo anything.
Do you doubt, if I done as you
suggest, T should not have taken every
possible precaution ? As regards your
wonderful discovery about the letter
having come from Spain--”
“Well ?” inquired Mr. Gimblet, as
his companion paused.
“I deny it, but still—name yonv
price I” —The London Truth.
BOSS OF THE RANCIIE.
How n Wicked I'nrlner Hull dozed Him Weak
AmmocIuHs
A foreigner who went west a year ago
with more money than experience, lmt
who is now returning a wiser albeit
poorer man, recently related to a Chica¬
go reporter the story of his venture in
the cattle business. “Why,” ho said,
in talking of a wicked partner he had
met in Denver, “he began to bulldoze
mo from the very time wo went into
partnership. We started out on tho
range to count our cattle, wo two, and
took only a darkey cook with us. that
first night we camped he proposed said wo
decide who should be the boss, and I
all right. He then called a meeting,
consisting of himself, the darkey cook
and me, to order and nominated mo for
chairman. I was elected and sat on a
saddle.
“Then he moved that we proceed to
the election of a boss for the firm and
that the election bo by ballot.
motion was carried, and ho handed
around his hat, putting in a ballot
himself. I started to vote and he stopped
me, saying that the chairman
vote unless there was a tie. Well, I
thought I’d get a chance to vote any¬
way when the cook put in his ballot,
but. when Routt handed him tho hat the
negro said he couldn’t write, and I was
left without any show at all to get even,
and he was elected boss. He is still
bossing it.”
Baby’s Birthday.
Monday’s bairn is fair of face;
Tuesday’s bairn is full of grace;
Wednesday s bairn is a child of woo;
Thursday’s bairn has far to go;
Friday’s bairn is loving hard and giving; for living;
Saturday’s the"bairn bairn that works is born tlio a Sabbath
But on
day, and bonnio and wise and
Is lively gay.
Contrast witli this Hie English
Born of a Tuesday, Monday, fair in of face; God's
Born of a full grace;
Born of a Wednesday, merry and glad;
Born of a Thursday, sour and sad;
Dorn of a Friday, godly given; living;
Born of a Saturday, work for your
Born of a Sunday, neve, shall ,ro uaut—
So there ends tlio weds, aud there’s an end
on’t.
The Lowell Citizen kindly gives
advice to its young men readers:
son, when you these are fearlessly cool
with your girl standing evenings,
see a mau in his
draped in a linen duster and
working a palm-leaf just fan, back look of out him, for
ice-cream sign other side of
at once cross to the
street—you will find the walking
pleasanter aud devoid of immediate
ger, "
A BEAUTIFUL CIGAR GIRT,
/tliOAl.UMl A MYSTI5IMOUH ffltlltllKK.
A Story Which Gnve Kilgar A. Poo n Plot
—Tlic Uilllnic of iHury Rogers.
[Prom the N. Y. Tribune.]
Tho suit of Mrs. Mary Maud Carr
Watson to test the legality of the will of
millionaire John Anderson, who died in
Paris a few years ago, recalls one of the
most mysterious murders in the crimi¬
nal annuls of New York city. Anderson
was a wealthy tobacco and personal manufacturer,
and left real estate prop¬
erty valued at about $10,000,000. He
left the greater part to his son, John
Charles Anderson, The contestant
claims that the will is fraudulent and in¬
valid, alleging that Anderson was in¬
sane when lie made it, and was unduly
influenced by his sen and Kate Ander¬
son, his second wife. The contestant is
the granddaughter of ex-Judge Barnard.
Thougli the mysterious affair occurred
forty years ago, it is not forgotten. The
peculiarity of the crime, brutality the apparent and
absence of motive, its
fiendiahness, the absence of clews and
the successful defeat of detectives at
every point by unknown but powerful
persons, invested the case with addition¬
al mystery, and it was not only the sen¬
sation of the day, but was talked about
for several years. The offer of rewards,
aggregating $10,000, availed nothing.
Mr. Anderson had an office and tobac¬
co warehouse in Nassau street in 1841.
Mary Cecelia Kogers, a beautiful girl of
seventeen years, the only daughter of a
mother in her dotage, was employed in
Anderson’s family. Subsequently she
kept a cigar store in tho rear of Ander¬
son’s office. One Sunday morning she
left home, telling her mother that she
would spend tho day with her aunt at
Weebawkon. Payne, her lover, to
whom she was betrothed, was to call
for her at night, but as it rained he
chose to let her remain at her aunt’s—
so lie stated. Three days afterward tho
girl’ii body was found in tho Hudson
River, her wrists tied with ropes in a
sailor’s knot, and a strip of cloth drawn
so tightly across her throat that it was
imbedded in tho flesh. The body was
taken charge of by one Crommelin, and
hastily buried, in spite of the remon¬
strances of the mother. The newspapers
cast so much suspicion on Crommelin,
Payne and a young naval officer that
the body was exhumed for further evi¬
dence. Several arrests followed, but no
conviction. The mystery has ever since
remained a mystery,
Edgar A. Poe worked the tragedy
into a Parisian romance under tho title
oi “The History of Marie Roget.” Ho
transformed the cigar girl into a pretty
flower girl, and made her mother the
keeper of a boarding-house, among
whose favored lodgers was M. Lo Blanc,
a perfumer. Nassau street was tho Rue
Pavee, the Hudson became the Seine ;
Crommelin was Beauvris and Payne
Marie’s lover, who committed suicide by
swallowing laudanum, was styled
Jacques St. Eustaeho.
Pavne left a note stating that ho
loved Mary, and could not live now that
she was dead. He was also suspected of
being her murderer; but liis sad death
removed suspicion. The naval officer,
whose name was not mentioned, was
suspected of being the one who tied the
sailor’s knot. A rudderless boat was
found near the floating corpse. One
night the boat was stolen from the
barge office ; the broken rudder was left.
But no. clew could ever be found of tho
missing boat. So completely were all
traces concealed that the secret of tho
crime remained buried with the unfor¬
tunate girl. Poe invested the horrible
crime with a glamor of romauce, and do
picted the incidents with a wonderful
dramatic realism.
Among the Dry Goods.
A dry goods salesman says : “Wo havo
to endure a great deal at tho hands of
those ladies who never buy. These peo¬
ple take up valuable time, and a good
part of our energies is directed to the
effort to circumvent them. Tho mo¬
ment an ‘old timer’ comes up to the
counter she is instantly recognized by
some one of the salesmen, and the warn¬
ing signal, a tap on the counter, is passed
along the line. Then we have some fun.
Tho ‘old timer’ will cal] for, say, a cer¬
tain shade of yellow. She is told it is
not in stock. ‘Oh, what a pity!’ she
exclaims, ‘that is just what I wanted. If
you had it I would liny sixteen yards of
it.’ Then it is the next man’s turn. He
comes up, accordingly, and tells the first
salesman that he is mistaken, that there
is still a bolt of in twenty store. yards He brings of that it
identical stuff the
forward and lays it down. You would
think the shopper who never buys would
be disconcerted at this turn of affairs.
Not a bit of it. $ho says smilingly: ‘Oh,
that is just what I want. Lay it aside
for me, and I will sco my dressmaker and
find out just how many yards she needs,
and to-morrow I’ll come back and buy
it.’ Then she departs with a simper,
but she never comes back. Wo amuse
ourselves iu thin way, but it’s a terrible
nuisance all tlio acme.”
TnE desertions in the British army in
18811 were 3,717 altogether. Desertion
is almost exclusively among the very
young soldiers.
In tho Public Garden of Boston this
spring there are 50,000 pansies, 15,001)
daisies, 500 forget-me-nots, 1,500 Canter¬
bury bells, and 4,000 tulips
Sunday School teacher—“Tommy,
why did Pharaoh kill the boy babies of
the Hebrews and not the girls?”
Tommy—“Please, Plmraoh objected only sir, wasn’t Hebrews it because and
to
not to Shebrews?”
NO. 11.
WIT AND WISDOM.
Joseph was the straightest man on
record, because Pharaoh made him a
ruler.
TnERE is no greater delight than to
be conscious of sincerity and self-exami¬
nation.
Disparage and depreciate no one; an
insect has feeling and an atom of a
shadow.
However things may seem, no evil
thing is a success, and no good thing is
a failure.
No man ever offended his own con¬
science, but first or last it was revenged
upon him for it.
It’s a very mean act in a divorce law¬
yer to follow a wedding party to church
for the purpose of distributing his cards.
“Wiiat are pauses ?” asked tho teach¬
er of the primary class. “Tilings that
grow on cats,” piped the small boy at
foot.
It is not cheap butter, but oleomar¬
garine that should bo protected. Cheap
butter is strong enough to take care of
itself.
A Western theatre manager who lost
his house in a cyclone said what broke
him up was too great a puff for tho
place.
Two Connecticut lovers have just
made np after a quarrel which took place
fifty years ago. Borne puoplo cannot
hold malice.
Don’t flatter yourself, young man,
that you know a girl by heart until you
find that she doesn’t no you by mouth.
—Toulon Transcript.
The discovery of North America, par¬
ticularly of that portion thereof named
Canada, was an unalloyed blessing to
the New York bank swindler.
General Grant is now convinced
that parents cannot be too careful in
keeping their children out of tho street.
—Louisville Courier-Journal.
hand A woman spanking a baby with one
and trying to write poetry witli tho
:>tlier labors under great literary disad
vau tages. —Ph itadelphia Cu11.
It is said that steel pens are generally
made of the finest and most costly steel.
No one would think it after trying lo
sign liis name to a hotel register,
“Yes, indeed, she’s discussing a daisy,”remarked
a young broker, the charms
of a certain young lady. “Bho dazes
you apparently,” replied bis friend.
» Mamma,” asked two fond daughters,
“can’t we have anything wo want?”
“Yes, my dears; but be careful you
don’t want anything yon can’t have."
The Tartars pull a man by tho ear
when they invite him to take a drink.
You can always tell stick a dead boat there by
the way liis ears out irom his bead.
Courage that grows from constitntiou
often forsakes the man when he has oc¬
casion for it; courage which arises from
a sense of duly acts in a uniform man¬
ner.
The time of year lias come when every
ice cream sign is a chilling terror to tho
young man with a girl on each arm and
only a punched dime in his persona)
treasury.
“How no you preserve your peaches
so nicely ?” asked a lady visitor. “By
putting them on the them,” top shelf said where Mrs.
Tommy can’t, reach
Bushman
“Don’t you remember me?” asked
tho soda-water clerk of a lady customer.
“No, I cannot say that I do,” she re¬
plied, “and yet there is something G
niiliar about your fizz,”
“Why, it was called the stirrup cup.
Ivanhoe, because it had a tendency to
stir up tho whole crowd to singing Yen .md
fighting and having one more. bet
it was rightly called the stirrup cuj
The King of Portugal is to »tt>r<
newspaper. If he does it will he a bo«i
man who will ask him to give half a
page of display advertising and four
columns of reading notices for four
circus tickets.
Du. Gklle, of Paris, has found that
twenty to twenty-five per cent, of chil¬
dren hear only within a limited range.
Parents who have had occasion to call
the little ones into the house when at
play have long been aware of this curious
fact, —Boston IVanscript.
A Friend of Conover’s.
Senator Conover, of Florida, tells this
story on himself. While making a can¬
vass of his State for Governor a meet¬
ing was at beautiful Lake Jackson. It
was very Lot but we had a big crowd of
negroes and lots of fun. The speech of
the day was made by a negro Hercules.
He said; don’t know nuffiii
“Feller gemmens: I
bout no grammar and no ’rithmotio, but
I kin cut up de plantation lingo so you
alls kin unnerstau’ it. I tells you nig¬
gers dat in dis yer champaiu I is for
Dock Conovah fer Gub’nor. Dock is
our Men’; ef we wants two bite any
time, he lea’ it to us. Dem big poli
ticianers in the city har’ly wanter to talk
to us country niggers, but Dock Cou
ovah is wid us all time, an’ when we
mens comes ter town, he calls us iutor
his offis an’ we gets a good drink. I
tells you men I is fer Conovah all de
t.imo. Dock Conovah’s skin ain’t, hraek
like onr’n, but his heart am brack, an’
all us niggers is gwinter wote for him.’
Fred Grant’s Heroic Wipe.— Col.
Fred Grant sold his family team,
carriages and harness a few days ago
for $1,200, and dismissed his coachman
and all liis house help. His wife, when
informed of the failure of her husband
and the necessity for economy in her do
j lived mestio relations, rations remarked: aud “I I have do
, on army once, can
; it again.”