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Facts and Fancies for the Fireside
A LAY SERMON.
Were I to preach a sermon
In simple, homely terms
Adapted to the culture
And growth of knowledge terms,
I’d say, with chastened spirit:
“Just do the best you can,
You may not be a poet,
But you can be a man.’’
If I were bid to tell you
How best to reach the top,
I’d say, with no misgiving:
“Go step by step—nor stop
To grouch, or look behind you,
Just do the best you know;
You may not be a genius,
But you can grow, and grow.’’
If it were mine to guide you
Along the way to fame,
Where all our great have traveled,
I’d say with tongue of flame:
“Go, purge thyself of meanness,
Be clean of heart and mind;
You may not be a Lincoln,
But you can be his kind. ,
“So, whether high or lowly
Thy station be in life,
If called to be commander
Or trooper in the strife,
Just do the work on honor,
In big or little things;
You may not be an angel,
But you may hear their wings.”
‘Not all of life is laughter,
Not all of death is tears,
So leave some good behind you
For those in after years.
Be master of thy spirit
Bear patiently thy load;
You may not get to heaven,
But you are on the road.”
—Denby Morrison, in Chicago Record-
Herald.
“SWEET SASSAFRAS .”
(The Washington Heald.)
Though relegated to the rear and
laughed to scorn by modern physi
cians, the meek and lowly sassafras
has played a noble part in this coun
try’s history. The pharmaceutical
iconoclast cannot wither its fame, nor
the mysteries of materia medica stale
its Infinite variety! To the glories
of the sassafras have poets sung, and
to its victories long lines of grand
mas of the good old kind lend abun
dant and convincing testimony. In
passing, the Journal calls attention
to a beautiful poem anent the sassa
fras, wherein a bard sublime doth
say:
“In the spring of the year, when the
blood is thick,
There is nothing so rare as a sassafras
stick;
It cleans up the liver and regulates the
heart
And to the whole system new life doth
impart.
Sassafras, oh sassafras,
Thou art the stuff for me,
And in the spring, I love to sing,
Sweet sassafras, of thee.”
Only a true poet, one who had re
veled in the land where the sassafras
reigns, could pen so sweet a senti
ment. No geisha girl of the Plum
Blossom land e’er brewed a drink so
seductive, and withal so healthful and
so cheering, as sassafras tea. Only
those who gluttonously Imbibe this
rare and healthful beverage know the
real joys of springtime and the de
lights of early June days. To the
man soaked, and saccharated with
sassafras tea, all things seem beauti-
ful in spring. Even the twitter of
the birds takes on an added melody,
and the grass and bursting buds fair
ly dazzle with their lustrous green.
At least, it used to be so; although,
alas! the sassafras has fallen now up
on evil and unappreciative days.
KILLING SONG BIRDS.
(From Chester Reporter.)
There is considerable complaint
about the city as to certain small boys
who arm themselves with air rifles
and sling shots and destroy song
birds and insect destroying birds in
wholesale fashion. In one or two in
stances the young miscreants have
been known to Invade private prem
ises and kill valuable mocking birds
that were greatly valued by the own
ers of the property. There is abso
lutely no excuse for such conduct on
the part of our boys; there is eaough
lawful game, such as English spar
rows, to engage their attention with
out slaughtering these other birds,
which the law has seen fit to protect,
and which are the appreciated pets of
the community. We think that par
ents would do well to take up this
matter and deprive the youngsters of
their weapons unless they agree not
to molest further the song birds that
are so dear to the hearts of all our
people. The mocking bird, though not
of such widespread fame as certain
other song birds Is a songster whose
abilities are coming to be more widely
known. His serenades have furnish
ed subjects for poetic rhapsodies, and
he is altogether too valuable a mem
ber of society to fall victim to the
murderous instincts of the small boy.
WHY WATCH SIGNS AGREE.
(From the Gainesville Sun.)
Nearly all the watch signs, proba
bly 90 out of 100, have hands set at
8:18, but comparatively few people
know why this Is. It Is no accident.
W. K. Washbum, of New York, was
painting a sign for a jeweler of that
city when the news of the assassina
tion of Abraham Lincoln, April 14.
1865, was received in New York, and
the latter ordered the painter to put
upon the dial the exact time when the
fatal shot was fired, namely 8:18, and
so they have continued ever since.
Whenever you see a sign after this,
recall the fact that it points to the
fatal moment
JUVENILE CRIMINALS.
(From the Nashville Banner.)
The ladles In charge of the Nash
ville Boys’ Club are undertaking a
noble and necessary work in their ef
fort to have the general assembly en
act a juvenile criminal law that will
prove effective. The law passed by
the last legislature was defective In
essential respects. It omitted the fea
tures that were necessary to make
the law operative, and in consequence
it failed In Its purpose. There should
be proper legislation for the protec
tion and reformation of youthful crim
inals. They should be protected from
the hardening and degrading associa
tion with older criminals In prison
life and they should be placed under
such surveillance, care and training
as will turn them from their evil ten
dencies and develop them into honest
and self-respecting men. A well
equipped and well-conducted Juvenile
reformatory would be worth a great
deal to the state, Immeasurably more
than It would cost for maintenance.
THE WEEKLY JEFFERSONIAN.
BEAUTY.
(The Houston Post.)
There has been a beauty doctor
Givin’ lectures in our town
An’ ma hired a stenographer
• Ter take his lingo down,
An’ the things that she’s a buyin’
Fer to rub into her face,
Comes in boxes, jugs, an’ bottles,
An’ are all around th’ place.
She takes her face o’ mornin’s
An’ steams it o’er a pot,
Then she rubs some dope stuff in it
While it’s red an’ sizzlin hot,
Then she lays some hot cloths on it
Fer to drive it further in,
Then she plasters it an’ rubs it
Fer to beautify her skin.
Then she’s got a rubber dingus,
Thet she fastens ter th’ door,
Thet she grabs an’ bends down back
’ards
Till her head’s ’most on th’ floor,
Then she doubles over forward
Till she almost busts in half.
Then she spanks us children awful
’Cause we can’t hold in our laugh.
She has bought a jar of ointment,
An’ th’ label on it said
It would kill hair on her features,
But would grow hair on her head;
An’ th’ shelves are full o’ skin-food,
And o’ ointments an’ o’ creams,
And she dopes her face o’ daytimes
An’ she masks it while she dreams.
She has got some stuff in bottles
That, when it is well rubbed in,
Will make thinnish women stouter,
An’ stoutish women thin;
An’ gran’mother’s gittin skittish —
An’ Gran’ma hasn’t got a tooth —
An’ she’s bought a jar o’ ointment
That is labeled, “Bloom o’ Youth”!
An’ pop says th’ world’s gone crooked
Since that feller come to town,
An’ ma hired a stenographer
Ter take his lingo down;
Ma tells pa his talk was gratis
That it didn’t cost a cent
But th’ druggist ’round th’ corner
Kin tell you what paw has spent.
A TOAST.
(The Milwaukee Sentinel.)
Here’s to the man whose hand
Is firm when he clasps your own—
Like a grip of steel
That makes you feel
You’re not in the world alone.
Here’s to the man whose laugh
Puts the somber clouds to rout —
The man who’s fair
And kind and square
To the one that’s down and out!
•t
AN ANTI-SUICIDE PLAN.
(The Philadelphia Ledger.)
Any body or association which un
dertakes to curb the crime of suicide
is to be thanked for its good intent;
yet even if the movement do no harm
by its very suggestion or by creat
ing a new form of swindling, little
headway is to be made in checking
suicide by small palliatives adminis
tered at hazard. The Salvation Army’s
plans for turning the tide of people
from the great cities, where they suf
fer in slums, back toward the country
and farm life has real merit, because
it is an attempt at least to remedy
the hard general conditions which
bring the misery and with it the
crime.
THIS IS WORTH SAVING.
The following simple home made
mixture is said to relieve any form of
rheumatism or backache, also cleanse
and strengthen the kidneys and blad
der, overcoming all urinary disorders,
if taken before the stage of Bright’s
disease: Fluid extract of dandelion,
one-half ounce; compound kargon,
one ounce; compound syrup sarsa
parilla, three ounces. Mix by shak
ing well in a bottle and take in tea
spoonful doses after meals and at bed
time.
A well-known authority states that
these ingredients are mainly of vegeta
ble extraction, and harmless to use,
and can be obtained at small cost
from any good prescription pharmacy.
Those who think they’ have kidney
trouble or suffer with lame back or
weak bladder or rheumatism, should
give this prescription a trial, as no
harm can possibly follow its use, and
it is said to do wonders for some
people.
*
HEALTH AND BEAUTY.
To remedy round shoulders, stand
in the usual “position,” raise the arms
sideways, palms upward. Hold the
head well back, chin in. With the
arms thus stretched out on a level
with the shoulders describe a circle
with them about 12 inches in diameter
at the finger tips. During this move
ment contract the muscles at the back
of the neck and about the shoulder
blades, holding the chest high and
breathing deeply. This exercise, if
practiced longer and longer each day,
will straighten the back, raise the
chest and tend to decrease the waist
measure.
HOME DECORATION.
When the new house is papered do
not have the hall and stairway touched
until after the furniture has been
moved in. The most careful of mov
ers find it difficult, particularly when
there is a square staircase, to lift
the awkward, heavy bureaus and beds
upstairs without grazing the walls.
If the walls are already papered
hang sheets along the staircase walls,
so that the paper will at least not
become soiled.
The hall carpet or rugs should not
be laid until after the moving is
finished, but the rest of the carpets
should be put down before the family
effects are put In.
BORN IN PULLMAN CAR.
Cincinnati. —A baby boy was born
In a Pullman car attached to a Big
Four railroad train coming to this city
from Cleveland. The mother of the
young American is Mrs. A. S. Swisher,
of Toronto, Canada. Passengers
raised a purse of $34 to buy him a
suitable present
35-YEAR-OLD HENS STILL LAY.
Pennsburg, Pa. —At the public sale
of the property of William Stengel,
at Bailey, Pa., a pair of chickens which
Mr. Stengel says he hod owned for
thirty-five years, and which had been
laying all that time, were sold for sl2.
M
TAKES BRIDE AGED 11.
Lexington, Ky.—Sam Martin, aged
forty, has been sentenced to the peni
tentiary for ten years for marrying
an eleven-year-old girl, Martha Bush.
The investigation revealed that the
mother of the child had given her con
sent and assisted Martin. The child
declared she did not love Martin.
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