Newspaper Page Text
2
DIDN’T NEED IT.
Why • 8cotch Farmer Refused a Por¬
tion of Dessert.
Could the funny savings and inci¬
dents at the tenants’ dinners in Scot¬
land be collected they would make an
unrivaled book of humor. Mistakes of
amusing and sometimes embarrassing
nature occur frequently at such func¬
tions. One story is told of a guest at
a Scottish tenants’ dinner who tasted
ice cream for the first time on that oc¬
casion. He pushed a large spoonful of
the frozen mixture into his mouth and
jumped from his chair with agony-ex¬
pressed on his face. He let out a yell
and cried out, “Ow, ow, ma rotten
tooth!” and could not be induced to
eat any more.
At another Scottish affair of the kind
a good old farmer was seated next to
the hostess. She served him a bit of
savory omelet, which seemed to cause
the old man deep disappointment. Ilis
idea of an omelet had always been a
dessert with sugar or fruit or jams,
and after tasting the sample before
him he turned to the hostess and said,
“Weel, ma lady, I canna complement
you on your puddin’s.”
The late Duke of Buccleuch told a
story of a tenant at one of the farmers'
dinners on his estates who was asked
by the duchess if he would take some
rhubarb, a dish she was fond of. The
farmer was surprised, but answered
politely, "I’m muckle obleeged to your
grace, but I dinna’ need it.”
FINDINGS NOT KEEPINGS.
Lost Articles Are Always Crying Out
For Their Owners.
When one is on the public thorough¬
fare or in the street car or train or
boat and picks up an object that is
valuable, is it his?
True, he may find, something which
is too small and trifling to warrant
searching to find the owner, such as a
handkerchief, a pair of gloves, otc.
But when lie finds something of value
it Is not his until he has done every¬
thing in his power to find the owner.
The street railways and trains are
so systematized today that if. when
one finds an object of value, he re¬
turns it to the company’s representa¬
tive it is almost sure to catch up with
its owner. Every person of intelli¬
gence knows that the first place to
inquire for it is at the lost and found
department,
When, however, one is on the street
and finds something which, if he lost
have returned, there are the columns
of a newspaper in which to advertise.
If he falls to find the owner after
this, then he can rightfully call it Ids
own and have a clear conscience, but
if he avoids looking over the lost and
found columns and fails to do Ids part
toward finding the owner he is almost
as dishonest ns if he took the goods.—
Chicago Record-llerakl.
Serious For Once.
An army captain on returning home
from India brought with him a goodly
stock of souvenirs. Among them was
n pair of laughing jackasses, which he
intrusted to one of the sailors, Tom
Finch.
Alas! The unaccustomed shipboard
life did not agree with the creatures,
and in spite of all Tom’s care they
pined and finally died.
When lie discovered the catastrophe.
Tom was in despair.
“I daren’t tell the captain!”
“Don’t shirk it, mate,” said his pal.
“Break it to him gently, you'll find
it’ll be all right.”
The advice seemed sound, and Tom
sought the gallant captain.
“Scuse me, sir,” he said, “you know
them things below—what you call
larfin’ jackasses? Well, sir, they ain’t
got nutiin to larf at this morning.”—
London Scraps.
Hi» Choice of Weapons.
M. Victor Noir, an illiterate bully
of the time of the second empire, for
no real reason whatever sent a French
statesman a challenge to fight a duel.
Noir was a densely ignorant man,
and nearly every word in the challenge
was misspelled. The statesman re¬
sponded with the following letter:
“Dear Sir—You have called me out
without any good reasons. I have
therefore the choice of weapons, I
choose the spelling book, and you are
a dead man." The duel was never
fought. •
Counting It Up.
There is a sou of Erin in Newton,
Mass., who is quite a character. He
has a number of children and was
asked one day how long he had been
married. “Well,” he said, “there's Eu¬
gene is forty and Norah thirty-five,
that makes sivinty-flve, and Lizzie is
thirty-two, and how many do that
make?”
“I think it only proper to remark,
Mr. Seet,” said the haughty girl, who
thought she detected "signs,” “that I
would not marry the best man living.”
“Don't be alarmed,” replied Mr. Con
Seet: “he isn't going to propose. My in¬
terest in you is merely platonic.”—Phil¬
adelphia Press.
THE PELHAM JOURNAL, FRIDAY, AUGUST 28 1908.
Free Scholorship
An unparalled proposition made
by the Athens Business College of
Athens, Ga.
We teach the famous Byrne Sim¬
plified Shorthand and Practical
Bookkeeping, systems so vastly
superior to others tfiat the claims we
make for them seem almost incredi¬
ble. We make this free scholar¬
ship offer to convince the most skep¬
tical that the Byrne Simplified
Shorthand, Practical Bookkeeping
and business training, are all that
we claim. We offer a free scholar¬
.
ship to anyone who will find a sin¬
gle individual who ever finished the
Byrne Simplified Shorthand then
laid it aside and took up another
system and became a successful
writer of the latter in preference to
the Byrne. Hundreds have aban¬
doned Pitman, Graham, Gregg,
Cross, etc., for the Byrne.
„ We will teach any young person
with a common school education,
who will attend our school and do
good average work for three months,
to write legibly 150 words of unfa¬
miliar matter, court reporting, to
the minute, in the Byrne Simplified
Shorthand, and transcribe same
neatly on the typewriter, or make
no charge for the course. If you
find any other school in the U. S.
using any other system of shorthand
that will do this, we will make you a
present of the course.
With the Byrne Practical Book¬
keeping and Business Training, we
make the student a more proficient
accountant and business man in
half the time required with other
systems in other schools. Our work
is all taught on the plan of “Learn
to do by doing;’’ our school room is
a miniature city, transacting busi¬
ness in a business way; our students
are using the various books and
records, notes, drafts, deeds, mort¬
gages, ete., just as they will use
them in the best regulated business
offices. Our school room is one of
practical business training and not
theory.
Our Touch method of teaching
Typewriting Is unequalled. We use
own
which forces accurate touch writing
from the beginning. The student is
taught to operate by the touch meth¬
od all standard makes of machines
such as Olivers, Remingtons, Under¬
woods, Monarchs, etc. For catalog
that will convince you of the won¬
derful superiority of the famous
Myrne systems, address the Athens
Business College, Athens, Ga. T'his
catalogue contains statements not
only from students but from men
for whom they work, and they are
t he ones to.be pleased, they are the
ones who should be the judge ,of the
merits of our systems and methods
of teaching. Don’t listen to the
‘hot air’’ of some competitor who
is forbidden to teach our systems,
but lias realized their wonderful
superiorly and feels that if he does
not do something desperate to check
our onward march, there will be
no patronage left for him.
Excellent Health Advice.
. Mrs. M. M. Davison, of No. 379
Gifford Ave., San Jose, Cal., says:
“The worth of Electric Bitters as a
general family remedy, for headache,
biliovsness and torpor of the liver
and bowels is so pronounced that I
am prompted to say a word in its fa¬
vor, for the benefit of those
relief from such afflictions. There is
more health for the digestive
in a bottle of Electric Bitters than in
any other remedy I know of.” Sold
under guarantee at Hill &
drugstore. 50c.
50 YEARS*
EXPERIENCE
Trade Marks
Designs
Copyrights Slc.
quickly Anyone ascertain sending a sketch and description whether may
invention is probably our opinion free an
tions strictly confidential. patentable. HANDBOOK Communica¬
free. Oldest on Patents
sent agency for securing patents.
Patents taken through Munn & Co. receive
rpecial notice, without c harg e, in the
Scientific American.
culation A handsomely of Illustrated Journal. weekly Largest cir¬
four months, any scientific Terms, $3 a
year: MUNN £ (L Sold by all newsdealers.
C0„361Broad*ay. N8W M
Branch Office, 625 F St* Washington, D, C.
SAVE
.a r
0.0. Titter & Co.
20,ooo TELEGRAPH
OPERATORS NEEDED
YOUNG MEN PREPARE YOURSELVES
FOR fiOOD POSITIONS.
On account of the new 8-hour law
passed by congress in the interest of
telegraphers, and also on account of
so many new railroads being built
and old lines extended, an unusual
demand for operators has been
created, Conservative estimates
have placed the number of addition¬
al Operators that will be required
during the next ten months at ap¬
proximately 20,000.
YOUNG MEN NOW IS YOUR
OPPORTUNITY! Enroll ill our
school NOW and in only four or six
montbs' we will have you qualified
for.splendid positions. Telegraph
Operators receive from $50.00 up¬
wards. Our school has been estab¬
lished twenty years; its evuipment
is perfect; instruction thorough and
practical; positions positively guar
junteed graduates. Board in
Ncwuta’n Li . ^EKeap;- tUe'fovftr
healthful and the people are cordial.
Two Main Line Railroad Wires run
into our School rooms. No other
school in the United States has such
up-to-date and practical facilities
for the benefit of its students:
Write at once for free, descriptive
literature.
Southern School of Telegraphy,
Newnan, Georgia.
f
LADIES AND MISSES
SHOES' SOUTHERN WL SELL GIRL
Just Arrived.
i of he this Superiority neat shoe lies
1 in the exceptional long ^aittous tot
r wear it gives* | their Winsome and**
% f&r/oiis Zea/Arer’s 'Z.Z* I Z/vfax/OUS Sterling ££A77 Qualities V£J?SAMI>PaTTDIM$
Ss-osn V2P *
CRADNKK'TtRBY (OS® T" E BY * 229 ™ 2 .**
t Craddock-TTirky Co I
Style letyour feet dwell in a Comfort
pair of these andyouwiU
Fit havemorepleasuremoments Durability
(MOCHEMffl? SHOES
made from all good leath¬
ers in a way thats right s
ENGLISH & NESMITH
For Cash Only.
Apply To
Bankers Loan & Abstract Co.
■ - - -;. , ‘ . . ~
For Loans of from to yeats . Maturity Farm
3 10 on and City Property
Headquarters at FARMERS BANK OF PELHAM.
C. Q. LOTT, J. J. HILL,
Pres. & Gen. Mgr. Attorney.
Thomasville
Tirm
. : JjUli i t a
J
Thomasville, Georgia*
m
j. This School Secures the Best 'Positions
for its Graduates* Open
,
All The Year*
ENTER NOW!
I Y
Cj E ANSON W. BALL, = President. •
. .. 1 j V (
■ it-
1Bill Sekiil Fm Boys and Girls j
NORMAN INSTITUTE
Norman Park •f. i Georgia; t ,
Far -
Literary, Music, Art and Election --y- CoufsM ""“v r
* - • f* . .* *. -e
Large and Comfortable Dormitories, Steam Heat, Electric'
Lights, Artesi&n Water, Sewers'! ■
, , EQUIPMENT WOR’M $«2,000.00; ■'
Homelike Surrouridiffgi^Christian' Reasonably Influences, Firm Dicipiline. ; I %
> - Rates.
WRITE FOR ILLUSTRATED CATALOG.
O. A. THAXTON, President.