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Hpw They Talk of U* Abroad.
A ction of anecdotes of musical
celebrities published at Leipzig con*
tains this one under the head of An*
ton Rubenstein: When the great pian¬
ist was making bis tour of the United
States he sat one day in a railway
train looking out upon the scenery.
Suddenly a man sitting across the aisle
spat over Rubenstein’s head out of the
open window. The master drew back
and gazed in astonishment and anger
at the vulgar American, who smiled
and said soothingly, “Don't worry; I
know tny distance.”
German Comfort.
The Gorman of the middle and lower
middle classes gets more for his money
than the Englishman of the same
standing. He gets a better education,
his health is more scientifically
watched, and he gets goose,more often
for dinner. When he can keep alive
no more his relatives and friends ex¬
press their lamentations by an adver¬
tisement in the local papers half a
column long.—London Nation.
Nearly a Tragedy.
At a seaside resort a lady fell into
tiie water from a landing stage while
entering a boat Her husband ap¬
peared frantic and cried In the most
beseeching tones:
“For heaven’s sake, save her! She is
my wife!"
A young man gallantly plunged into
the water and brought back the poor
woman.
The look of gratitude the husband
gave fully repaid him for his ef¬
forts.
On recovering his equanimity the
husband thrust his hand into his wife’s
wet pocket, pulled out a somewhat
bulgy purse, and with Infinite relief
said:
“Old woman, the next time you tum¬
ble overboard just leave that purse be¬
hind, will you? You almost scared me
to death?’’—London Scraps.
Gobsa Golde and his family were do¬
ing Westminster abbey.
Suddenly the old man gave a con¬
temptuous laugh.
“The poets’ corner!” he sneered,
snapping to his red guidebook.
“What good ’s a corner in poets?
Gimme wheat or cotton, hey, mother?"
Study It Out.
FTere is a highly interesting paradox,
which may amuse or bewilder, as the
case may be. It is supposed to have
been invented by Socrates: A. says
that all Athenians are liars. A. is an
Athenian and therefore a liar. There¬
fore his statement that all Athenians
are liars is not true, and consequently
all Athenians tell the truth. A. is an
Athenian, and hence tells the truth,
wherefore his statement that ail Athe¬
nians are liars is true. Therefore he is
a liar and his statement false, and so
on.
He Proved It.
Bob burst into the house in a state of
high excitement His hands and cloth¬
ing were smeared with a liberal ainouut
of sticky substance, and his face wore
a glow of triumphant satisfaction.
“I say, mother, those new people
across the road don’t know much!” he
exclaimed. “They’ve got a notice on
their front door that snys ‘Wet Paint’ ”
“And you’ve been getting into it!
You ought to be ashamed of yourself!”
said his mother severely. “That notice
was put up to warn people to keep
away from it.”
“Yes, 1 know,” persisted Bob, with
the enthusiasm of a rightly rewarded
investigator. “But it wasn’t paint, and
I proved it. It’s only varnish!”
“Pa, did you have to ask ma more
than once to get her to promise to be
your wife?”
“Y’es. I think I asked her four or five
times.”
“Gee! I guess you didn’t give her
much time to think between askings,
did you?”—Chicago Record-Herald.
“Bill Peake is the orator of the day.
He has a splendid delivery.”
“But has he anything to deliver?"—
Life.
Told Him How Many.
Golfer (to long suffering and wearied
caddie) —How many’s that, Sandy?
Caddie—Yer playin’ yere ninth. Ye
tappit it aff the tee in yun, missed It
altaegether in twa, went intae the
sand bank in three, ye did’na get oot
In four, but ye got oot in five; ye gaed
intae the whins in sax, ye did’na get
oot in seven, but ye got oot in acht,
and noo yere playin’ yere ninth. —
Punch.
Cranky Vessels.
Even the best designers never know
how their ships will turn out when
completed. They may break all records
for speed, or they may be so slow as
to be entirely useless—a mere waste of
money. Years ago two mud barges
were built at San Francisco, exactly
alike, constructed from one design.
One of them was quite commonplace,
but the other raced every barge in the
bay and beat them all, raced every
yacht on the Pacific coast and beat
them. She was so fast that yachts
were built on her lines, but turned out
mere barges for sloth. Nobody could
see how this craft differed from her
crawling sisters or from the yachts.
In 1851 the America went to Cowes,
England, and raced for a prize cup.
She won that trophy, and then an Eng¬
lishman bought her and improved her
hull, stiffening it with knees through¬
out After that she lost every race. . J
MlE PELHAM JO PENAL, FRIDAY, SEPT. 4, 1908.
Clock and Watch Freaki.
“A watch isn’t exactly dirty when It
requires cleaning,” says a watchmaker.
“It may need cleaning when it hasn’t
even been worn.
“A common cause of this is that the
oil in the works has dried up and be¬
come sticky, causing the watch to go
slow or even to stop. In this case it
not only want3 cleaning, but also the
addition of fresh oil.
“The best oil for this purpose is ob¬
tained from the jawbone of a porpoise
or kindred fish. Many watchmakers
mix their own oil from various kinds.
“Clocks also stop for no apparent
reason. During a thunderstorm, for
instance, a clock may stop, only resum¬
ing work when minutes, days or even
weeks have passed.
“Thunderstorms, again, have been re¬
sponsible for the restarting of old
clocks which have apparently retired
altogether from active service.”—Lon¬
don Answers.
Brides and Wet Weather.
A Breton bride rather likes to have a
wet wedding. It is held to signify that
all her tears are now shed and that
she will therefore have u happy mar
ried life. I know of no similar belief
in the British isles.
The Erza of Simbirsk call the day
before the wedding the weeping day.
and the bride and her girl friends weep
all they can, with the Idea, it would
seem, of getting the mourning of life
over so that only Joy may remain.
The Badagas of the Neiigherrles at¬
tain the same end by sousing the bride
with water. Some Greek trilies have
a similar belief in the virtue of n
drenching bringing good fortune.
The Omnipresent Rose.
Every continent on the globe, with
the exception of Australia, produces
wild roses. There can be little doubt
that the rose is one of the oldest flow
era in the world, perhaps grown from
the wind blown seeds In paradise. In
Egypt It Is depicted on numbers of
early bas-reliefs, dating from 3000 to
3500 B. C. Rosewater, or the essence of
roses, is mentioned by Homer In the
“Iliad,” and the flower Is spoken of In
the Proverbs of Solomon.
Truthful Cholly.
“Cholly, have you ever loved be¬
fore?”
“My dear girl, I will be honest with
you. I have been engaged so many
times that my ex-fiancees have per¬
fected an organization and adopted a
yell.”—St. Paul Pioneer Press.
Must Have Been a Prize.
“But how could you tell, darling,
that I had never proposed to any etl"
’
girl?”
“Because you were not married,”
she murmured rapturously and admir¬
ingly.—Judge.
Mrs. Snooper—Men make me awfully
tired.
Mrs. Swayback—What’s the matter
now?
Mrs. Snooper—My husband saw Mrs.
Keedick yesterday, and 1 asked him
what she had on, and he replied, “Oh,
clothes.”—Exchange.
The Canny Scotsman.
An Englishman, an Irishman and a
Scotchman were looking through a
confectioner’s window at a beautiful
young woman who was serving in the
shop.
“Oh,” exclaimed Mr. Patrick, “do let
us be spending a half crown with the
dear crayture, that we may look at her
convaniently and have a bit of a chat
with her.”
“You extravagant dog!” said Mr.
George. “I’m sure one-half the money
would do quite as well. But let us go
In by all means. She Is a charming
girl.”
“Ah, wait a wee!” interposed Mr.
Andrew. “Dlnna ye ken it’ll serve our
purpose equally weel to ask the bon
nie lassie to gle us twa sixpences for
a shilling and Inquire where’s Mr.
Thompson’s house and slclike? We’re
no hungry and may as well save the
siller.”—London Answers.
A boy always quotes some boy a
little older than himself as final au¬
thority in an argument with his moth¬
er.—Atchison Globe.
A Different Cook.
Two prosperous business men met
on a Broadway local.
“Howdy do, old man? Haven’t seen
you in an age! How’s Mrs. Dayton?”
“Fine and dandy, Brown! And how
are you and the madam?”
“Mrs. Brown and your humble serv¬
ant are both well; but, by Jove, our
health would Improve if we saw the
Joseph P. Daytons ringing our front
door bell.”
“Yes, yes. I admit we’ve been re¬
miss. Mrs. D. and I both speak of you
so often and reproach ourselves for
our neglect It’s been fully a year
since we dined with you.”
“You’re shy a few months, but we’ll
let that pass. Suppose you come over
to dinner one night next week.”
“Really, I can’t just say. I think I
heard Mrs. Dayton say something
about next week being all taken up,
and”— >
“Well, old man, here is my station,
Better come. We’ve got a new cook.
She's a dandy. Good night.”
“Why, yes, Brown, we’ll make the
date over the phone?” shouted Dayton
after the hurrying figure.— New York
Times.
How About Your Girls
School Dresses?
The school will open in about a month for the fall term.
The girls will need new dresses. Some will require a complete
ontfit and others, perhaps, just a few frocks to “make out with.”
How about your girl?
Why not get the school dresses now and have them made
before school opens, and before our stock has been picked
over?
We are showing the ideal materials (just received) for fall
dresses for every girl in Pelham and surrounding country.
We also have the shoes for your girls and
boys that will give entire satisfaction*
G. W. McCormick & Co.
Next Door To Farmers Bank*
A Curious Ashanti Custom.
When children are bora In Ashanti
they are at once rubbed all over with a
mixture of oil and red ocher, this being
repeated every two days. Their mouths
are washed with a fiery concoction in
which red pepper is the main ingredi¬
ent, and a crier goes through the town
proclaiming the new arrival and claim¬
ing for it a name and a place among
the living. Some one else in a distant
part of the villa,* acknowledges the
fact and promises, on the part of the
people, that the newborn babe shall
be received into the community. The
townspeople then assemble in the
streets, and baby is brought out
and expos' . A basin of wa¬
ter is r d the head man, or
' ' ' vn, sprinkles water
upon It, us’v. t a name and invok~
lag a blessing 4 n it, such as, for in¬
stance, that ' r have health, grow
up to manhotA . womanhood, have a
numerous progeny and possess riches.
Most of those present follow the ex¬
ample of the, head man, and the poor
child is thoroughly drenched before the
ceremony Is ended. Every one who
participates In the ceremony pledges
himself to be a friend to the child.
Pol# Holes In Quicksand.
Pole holes may be dug In quicksand
by using a barrel with both heads re¬
moved. The barrel Is set where the
hole is to be made and the excavation
done from Inside the barrel, allowing
It to sink as the hole is dug, says the
Electric Traction Weekly. The sides
of the hole are thus sheathed, and by
means of a hand pump the water can
be kept out. If the quicksand occurs
for a depth greater than the height of
one barrel a second barrel can be
placed on top of the first. This second
barrel should be a little larger than the
first, so it will go down over the lower
one part way. The pole must be raised
In such a hole as soon as the hole Is
dug.
Reassured.
Once Sir Henry Irving while playing
Macbeth in London was somewhat dis¬
concerted by one of the “gallery gods.”
He had reached the point where Mac¬
beth orders Banquo’s ghost to leave
the banquet board. “Hence, horrible
shadow, unreal mockery, hence!” ex¬
claimed Irving in his most tragic tones
and with a convulsive shudder sank to
the ground, drawing his robe about his
face. Just as Banquo withdrew an
agitated cockney voice from high up
in the gallery piped out as if to reas¬
sure Irving, “It’s all right now, ’En
ery; ’e’s gone!”
Climb It.
He had Just finished telling the ele¬
vator boy In one of the office buildings
on Wisconsin street about the disad¬
vantage of working inside. He called
the attention of the lad to his own
physical condition and said: “My boy.
I’ve lived out of doors most of my life.
There is one thing that is next to
physical culture for development, and
that Is climate.”
The boy smiled as the healthy one
completed his discourse.
“Remember, boy,” he added, “cli¬
mate!”
He left the building, returning half an,
j hour later to find the elevator out of
order. The elevator boy greeted Iiim.
“Well, mister, here’s where you get a
j chance to demonstrate your policy.”
“How?” was the question.
“Climb It.” said the boy. and the
healthy one did. — Milwaukee Free
Press.
SEE THE
MARGUERITE HOTEL
===== For Yonr Furniture = ""
As it is Going Cheap. All Classes of Furnituie, Etc.
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BRACELETS
AND
RINGS
The vogue in bracelets and rings finds its
highest expression in the designs that fiill
our cases.
The popularity of this store on all jewel¬
ry is on account of the wide variety of
pa terns carried in stock, from which selec¬
tion is easily made to suit the taste of each
individual, at prices uuinformely low.
W. W. BURNETT
Jeweler and Optician.
>000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
DOCTOR KING
THE OLD RELIABLE IOC MS. OLDEST II ME 410 LONGEST LOCATE#. lEBOLU IUMUTES II MEOitUE.
H OFFER TOO THE URGE MO TllUAIlE UPEtlEKE Of TIE LOMU!
ESTABLISHED AND MOST ULtULE SPECIALISTS II TIE SOUTI
Authorized W* by the sute refund to treat CHIOIIC, it IEIVO cured. 0 S Ml A)) M...
ItSEASES. guarantee to money not medi¬
cines (urnished detention ready for nae—no mercury or injurious medicine*
used. No from bneinet*. Patient* everywhere at a outage*
treated by mail and express. Msdlslnes sent tree
from gaze or breakage. No medicine sent C. O. D. unices In¬
structed. Charges low. Thousands of esses cured. State yeur
__ease and send for terms. Consultation FHEE and eosfidentlal, in
dk . ii.vu ’ZTftlx-/v ~. and person, Wsaknsssts or by letter. Call or write today. Don’t delay.
of Nervous Msni the Debility reauit* or youihful folly and excee stricture KJSufmr fnetrumeate. 1 ”* ""*** A tt new * Home
mb —c*using losatd by dream* or with Treatment. Ho pein and ne czpoenre. Xe cnneUe,
urine, pimples and btotchoa on the face, rushes of catting, Thousands bougie. or cared. eeunde. We Xe detention from tail
blood to the head, pains in tha back, confused ideas neat. guarantee te refund
and forgetfulness, bashfulness, aversion to society, money plains this If not disease. permanently eured. My beek fully ex
less of vital forces, loss of manhood, etc., cured for Variesesls
life. We can stop night losses, restore lost vitality,
develop and mature young dr middle aged marriage who are ef the nervous system, etc., permanently eared with
weakly and wrecks and make them fit for out pain.
CmmImIIIw — * — that tiin* terrtabie *•* * »»ui* mewwewi disease, in **• all He forms H d „ I . “" d
Ojpniflwe Skin and Diseases, stages, Ulcers, cured Swellings. for life. Sores. Blood _ y r • e • •
Poisoning, Gleet and all forms of private diMases, Pblmosls——
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cured te stay guarantee cured, to your book sffgjwsa
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IIISeaSBS _ Ten
ly cured PILES end nUPTUM eur- ere > lav Invited t. see It when __
srTiiirs^Mi DR. KING MEDICAL r CO., ATLANTA. CA.
(Thoroughly reepeaalbie. Legally Incorporated under the lows of Georgia.)