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A Deal In Gum.
Some of these little newsboys are re¬
sourceful little mites. A day or two
ago a business man dropped a silver
mounted fountain pen through the
grating in front of a building on West
Third street. They told him in the
store that there was no access to the
hole from the ftiside. lie seemed to
be up against it. Two newsies saw
him peering down into the grating and
got interested.
“I'll git it out fer you, mister,” spoke
up one of them, "if you'll stand the ex¬
pense. It’ll take about a nickel’s
worth o’ chewin’ gum.”
The man said he would finance the
gum scheme, whatever it might he.
A minute or two later the boy had
dashed into a store and got a yard¬
stick. lie was chewing hard on an
entire 5 cents’ worth of gum. As soon
as this was properly softened by the
process of mastication he placed it on
the end of the yardstick, stuck the
stick through the grating until the gum
met the pen and brought the pen up
with the utmost dispatch.—Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
Sand Firh.
At low tide in midsummer on cer¬
tain parts of the Breton coast men an 1
boys with baskets and hoes descend
the white beach to the sea’s edge
They are anglers, but the fish they
seek live on dry land. With his hoe
each fisherman makes swiftly in the
packed sand shallow parallel trenches,
very clo:— together and about a yard
long. If the luck he good every scratch
of the hoe uncovers three or four sil¬
very fish, the size of sardines, that
leap up glittering into the air. They
must be seized quickly or at once they
bury themselves in the sand again
They are called lancons. The smaller
ones are used for mackerel bMt; the
larger, with their heads cut nT, make
fried, an excckent dish a good deal
like fried smelts. With daylight tides
the lancons are seldom bigger than a
man’s middle finger, but with the
night tides, when promenaders have
not disturbed the sand, they run very
large indeed. Then, their lanterns flash
Ing on the beach, the Breton fishermen
often capture lancons a foot long.
Cut Heads.
The Liverpool Tost has been making
observations with regard to the “cut
heads” which are treated at the hos¬
pitals between 12 and 2 a. m. TJie
Post says that the house surgeon -
have noticed a curious difference in
the sexes on different nights. On Sat¬
urday nights the subjects are mostly
men who have received their wages,
redeemed their clothes from pawn and
drunk enough to lead to a brawl. Mon
, day (night, fthve however h. “ladies’ night.’
The men gone to work, and the
|Wives have taken their husbands’best
and only suit to the pawnshop, and
then it is their turn to drink the pro
coeds and cut one another’s heads.
■ ■ The usual answer to the question
‘■Who did it?” is, “Another lady wot
lives In the same ’cuse.”
Married Paupers and Divorce.
J( ‘An odd thing about married paupers
. ds that they like to live separate,” said
g single pauper.
“You know how almshouses are ar
ranged. There’s a men’s ward, a vfom
i’s ward and a mixed or married
ard. Well, the mixed ward is always
early empty. Not that we lack mar¬
ried paupers. Oh, no. But the hus¬
bands prefer to bachelor it among the
men and the wives to old maid it
i among the women. The older our mar¬
ried paupers get the more vehement Is
heir Insistence on separate living.
“ ‘She’s alius a-naggin’,’ the octogena
ian will growl.
“ ‘Nobody can’t sleep o’ nights with
ech snorin’ as hisn,’ sniffs the septua
Marian female.
And so they separate—to all intents
orced.”—Philadelphia Bulletin.
A Great Financier.
A man who occupied a little back
room in a poor quarter of the east end
■ of London was evicted for nonpayment
of rent. He had nothing but a valise
and a few clothes, and while they were
throwing him and his belongings out
of the house a bulky manuscript fell
out of his pocket. Nobody noticed it
at the time, but after he had gathered
his clothes and taken his departure
one of the bystanders saw the big roll |
of paper picked it up and on opening
it was surprised and amused to find
It contained an elaborate scheme for
refunding the national debi of the
British emi/ire.
The Negro and the Watermelon.
A negro bought a watermelon for oO
cents and sold it a few minutes later
.
for the same price. The purchaser
changed his mind and sold it back to
the negro for 40 cents. Later the negro
sold it for CO cents. How much profit
did he make?—New York World.
Saves Him.
“How did Sniggsle? ever get his rep¬
utation for the possession of great wis¬
dom?”
“His wife talks so much that he nev¬
er gets a chance to expose his ig¬
norance.”—Chicago Record-Herald.
Life without liberty is joyless, but
life without joy may be great. The |
greatness of life is sacrifice.—Ouida.
THE VPEL‘H'AM Jaw-3mm Emmy; 'QCTfWW
Worst of All.
Mr Lane, Mr. Ilobart and Mr. Meek
bad been off fishing the day. before.
They had gone unexpectedly from the
postoffice, where they met, and neither
Mrs. Lane. Mrs. Ilobart nor Mrs. Meek
bad been informed of their where¬
abouts until nightfall. “And it did
beat all what poor luck we’d had!”
said Mr. Lane when the three friends
met the next day.
"I tried to explain to Sadie that we
kep’ staying in the hopes of fetching
home something that would show why
we’d stayed, but she said we’d acted
like a parcel o’ yearlings and it woukl
be one while before she’d have a hut
apple pie for my dinner again and
dumplings. She ran me uphill and
(low T n, I tell ye!”
“Maria spoke of my clothes,” said
Mr. Hobart forlornly. “She pointed
out the way the dampness had cockled
that coat I had on. She said ’twouldn’t
ever be the same again and If I knew
of anybody that was going to spend
summer days heating great Irons and
pressing out clothes for a man like
me she didn’t!”
“Marthy never said a word,” said
Mr. Meek as the other two men turned
to him, but as they remarked with one
accord, “That’s the kind of wife to
have!” Mr. Meek locked much de¬
pressed.
“The only trouble is,” he added, “she
hasn’t spoken yet, and I don’d know
when she will.”
She Drew the Line.
Seeking redress for domestic troubles,
a negro woman who resembled noth¬
ing so much as she did the “before tak¬
ing” half of an antifat remedy appear
ed at court.
“I’s a wronged woman,” she hissed
in a glve-me-back-tliose-papers voice.
“Ah want redress.”
“What’s the trouble?” inquired the
sympathetic judge.
"It’s ’bout mah ole man. He’s done
been eaayin’ on high wif a lot uv
dense nlggah gals, an’ it’s got so baad
twill Ah don’, see him more’n once n
week. Somephin’s got t’ be done.”
The judge’s eye held a crafty gleam.
“You are seeking a divorce—a legal
separation?” he questioned.
“Go ’long* man! Divo’ce nothin’!
Think I’m gwine t’ gin him what he
wants and ’low dat man'who dispote all
his cussedness is de handsomest nig
gah In Kansas City t’ go skyshootin’
roun’ ’motig deni gals? No, sah. Ah
don’ want no divo’ce ner dat legal
septitution yer’s talkin’ ’bout. What
Ah wants is an injunction!” — Kansas
City Independent.,
Mary Was Spoiled.
A doctor in one of the West Phila
delphla children’s homes tells the
story of a woman who came to him
one day in a most perturbed state of
mind. She had taken home her daugh
(or of five years the week previous.
-,fter a stay of a year in the home,
nd found she had an elephant on her
’lands. » “Oh. sir,” she said to the doc¬
tor, “whatever can I do with Mary?
You have made her far too grand for
her own home. Why, the first day sin
was hack she refused to be dressed in
he morning till she had a hath: then
: he would eat r.o breakfast whatevei
because she wanted fruit and some
‘serions food’ first, and, last of all, she
put a saucer of water at her place at
the table and she dips her fingers in
that every few minutes. Sure, doctor,
I don’t know what I’ll do,” and the
woman passed out. shaking her head
as If the problem was certainly too
much for her.—Philadelphia Record.
The Poor Member.
“Brother Lastly,” said the spokes
man, “I have an unpleasant duty to
perform. There is a report that you
have said that one of the best and
most worthy members of our congrega¬
tion 13 unable to attend service often
cm account of not' having good enough
clothes. We have come to ask the
name of that member. We don’t know
of any such person, and a report of
that kind is likely to reflect upon us as
a congregation that does not look after
Its poor but worthy members. Will
you tell me who it is?”
“Certainly, brethren,” replied the
Rev. Mr. Lastly, with a brave attempt
to be cheerful, “it’s my wife.”
Playing Gcethe Three Ways.
“I made a bad break today.”
“How was that?”
“There is a Chicago woman visiting
Julia Dean, and while I was there she
insisted upon talking about Gerty.
Pretty soon I asked her if Gerty was
her daughter. You should have seen
her flare up! And then I somehow
found out she meant Goaty.”
“Who?”
“Oh, you know—the great German
author.”—Somerville Herald.
His Modest Request.
A man once asked Thackeray to lend
him .h shilling-, which he would con¬
vert into £20.000. Asked how, he ex¬
plained that he knew n young.woman
with £20,000 who he knew would mar¬
ry him if he asked her. but he had
pawned his teeth and wanted 5 shil¬
lings to redeem them in order to pro
pose effectively.
OUR EFFORTS
SHOW
PROGRESSIVENESS
The up=to=date method of
doing our work is greatly incres
ing our business. In order to
meet the increase we have pur¬
chased the latest and most popu¬
lar type made and moddern
presses. This enables us to do
*
*
better work now than in the
past.
If you want a job of printing
that will make you feel proud of
yourself, don’t forget us in your
figuring.
Nothing too little or too big
for us to do.
The Pelham Journal