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Paragraphs About Men and Measures
By SAM W. SMALL
T. R. now stands for “Taft Rooter.”
The Democratic party has three
legs—like a milk stool.
The Folk boom ball must havd
rolled into the “23” hole.
That good old summer time will
receive a unanimous welcome.
A woman of fashion is not always
the best fashion of a woman.
The Queen of Spain seems to have
had trouble with her almanac.
Spring showed her gentle face a
few days and then fanned out some.
John Sharp Williams is going to be
another man who can’t carry his own
state.
Kaiser Bill doesn’t propose to let
any war catch him without his gun
on him.
Walter Wellman is still hunting
the North Pole in that hot old town
of Paris.
How can the president bring his
heart to the decision to lose his right
Loeb?
The president says “My spear
knows no brother.” Neither did Joab’s
blade.
So it is J. Pierpont Morgan who is
“going to retire” and not President
Roosevelt.
Chicago voted in the Republicans
and is now beginning to kick herself
for doing so.
Morgan will probably only retire to
the dark lantern room. Publicity
makes him blink.
The notion that Judson Harmon is a
real Democrat seems to need a whole
lot of promotion.
Why don't Carnegie buy up all the
warships of the nations and have
peace, anyhow?
McClellan is still acting mayor of
New York. What is Mr. Hearst going
to do about it?
The first of May is “trouble day”
in France. Likewise it is “moving
day” in this country.
Binger Hermann secured acquittal,
but the government will still en
deavor to recover the goods.
This Jamestown year is the one for
the John Smiths, but 1908 will be the
new year for the jawsmiths.
Pittsburg suffers from too much
smoke, but she seems headed toward
where the fires are smokeless.
Uncle Joe Cannon is going to stay
at home this summer to see that his
boom doesn’t get sun-struck.
President Diaz of Mexico has spread
his hand to aim at the seat of the
Guatamalan government.
Seeing that the Panama canal has
two big open mouths, Joe Blackburn
is keeping his'n shut.
WATSON'S WEEKLY JEFFERSONIAN.
The world is not all to the bad.
Some of us make a stagger at being
good one time out of seven.
Brer Leslie Shaw’s big Trust com
pany salary seems to have soothed
his presidential boom to sleep.
Charlie Culberson denies that he
has a presidential boom. But pri
vately, now, why the denial?
At the last report, Candidate Fair
banks was mighty busy sawing wood
and signing campaign checks.
Foraker promises to make Ohio feel
like the Panama climate for Bill Taft
this summer —and then some more.
That Bailey legislature in Texas is
following its leader and scotching for
the corporations with all its might.
Senator Perkins squares himself by
announcing that he is for Roosevelt
again—first, last and all the time!
It may seem strange, but the more
Northerners Texas gets as settlers the
more Democratic the state becomes.
But is Mr. Loeb willing to “take the
blame” for all that John R. McLean’s
street car company does in Washing
ton?
Harriman doesn’t care who makes
the noise for the government so long
as he makes the rates for the rail
roads.
Nothing but a wide-spread “favorite
son” campaign can keep Teddy from
putting his man in the 1908 conven
tion.
Sandy Carnegie’s Scotch dander is
aroused over the hootin’ of his peace
• efforts. Still peace is worth fighting
for.
That railroad gang in Florida will
find that Governor Broward hasn’t for
gotten the filibuster game—not a lit
tle bit.
The trusts will stay with the Re
publican party. They can fix it so
that the president will not make the
laws.
~ ■ ■■■ 1 ■ *
A New Hampshire woman insists
upon wearing boots. Down here
many women are content with the
trousers.
Colonel Colt was the dark horse of
the Rhode Island senatorial fight, but
now he doesn’t rank even as a selling
plater.
The peaches in Georgia were not all
killed by the freeze. In fact, none
of the feminine “peaches” were hurt
at all.
Those Guatamalans seem to be
hunting for trouble. They may yet
cause Uncle Sam to reach for a
shingle.
The third term idea looks as big as
it did at this season in 1880; and
still it then got its face punched in,
all right.
With Vardaman in the United States
Senate Mississippi could once more
hold up her head with just pride and
satisfaction.
The season for “sweet girl grad
uates” approaches. Now is the time
for good boys to save their ducats for
their duckies.
Tillman complains that his lecture
audiences are growing smaller. That
suggests that his lecture has grown
whiskers.
The administration is after the
Southern Republican delegations. It
has the offices and the cash. Ergo,
it gets ’em!
Teddy will need something stronger
than a tenuis net to draw in a ma
jority of the delegates to his 1908
convention.
Roosevelt might bring Gen. Leonard
Wood home and run him for presi
dent. The people always take after
“a military hero.”
Watterson says the more he sees
of foreign people the better he likes
his home folk. He ought to stay at
home, then.
Senator Bob Taylor is lecturing on
“Temptation.” But he will know the
subject better after serving a while
in the Senate.
After May 1 we will learn what “in
jucements” caused Spooner to quit
the Senate. We’ll wager they are
juicy enough!
Hoke Smith is in Europe, but he
will be home in plenty time to open
the grafter-hunting season the latter
part of June.
Hearst says he is not a candidate
for any office. But he is not the only
man who might be willing for the
office to find him.
Colonel Gorgas says the Canal Zone
is as healthy as it is possible to
make it. But it still seems fatal to
chief engineers.
Taft is making Y. M. C. A. ad
dresses in Ohio, but not in answer to
the ‘‘You May Come Across” Invita
tion of Joey Foraker.
The president says Moyer and Hay
wood are “undesirable citizens.” All
citizens are that who do not agree
with His Excellency.
The Farmers’ Union has not been
swallowed by the Southern Cotton As
sociation. A python seldom crawls up
around an elephant.
The Inter-State Commerce Commis
sion was enlarged that it might move
faster. But the enlargement appears
to have anchored it.
Taft will announce his desire to be
president some time this week. It will
then be up to Harriman to say
whether he may be, or not!
Mr. Hearst doubts whether he is a
Democrat, but strongly asserts that
he is a Jeffersonian. And, really,
there is such a difference!
Congressman Lindsay claims the
honor of first having suggested that
Bryan put Roosevelt in nomination
for a third term. If we were Colonel
Graves we would send the laurel
right on to Lindsay by the first mail.
Watterson says it will bo “Taft
against the field” in the Republican
race. But with Roosevelt in the sad
dle, who can beat him?
A man in Missouri was prosecuted
by his mother-in-law for kissing her,
She admitted, however, that it was
dark where the mistake happened.
Evangelist Martin should try to save
souls, and not stop to stave in the
slats of another minister who is try
ing to get to heaven in an omnibus.
Colonel Graves certainly set all the
politicians talking by his cross-wire
Bryan-Roosevelt suggestions. And
what they said about him was ample.
Henry Watterson thinks the Demo
crats can win if 1908 is a great calam
ity year. Yet last year he introduced
Bryan at Louisville as a sure winner!
An Ohio preacher resigns because
he can get better pay as a book-agent.
Doubtless he is better fitted to ped
dle books than to peddle the gospel.
Mr. Bryan, as Watterson says, may
talk like a man who doesn’t want to
be president. Perhaps he is talking
too much like a man who ought to
be president.
Watterson says Bryan has driven
Democracy out of every state in the
North. Wattersonism would also drive
it out of every state in the South, as
it did twice in Kentucky.
The Republicans want to keep Okla
homa out of the next electoral col
lege. Are they afraid already that
her votes might throw the presiden
tial election against them?
That man who killed himself, be
cause he disgraced himself, should
have .killed himself before he dis
graced himself. His memory would
have savored better.
Secretary Cortelyou does not talk
much. He w r as not put over the na
tional treasury to talk, but to shovel
out the coin to the Wall street gam
blers. The money does the talking.
The holders of special privileges
cannot afford to lose their places in
the Republican party. No other party
can get the support of that crowd —
nor should seek it.
The new minister from Sweden was
once a Salvation Army man, but let
us hope he will not take his tambou
rine to the White House. Teddy
might thump it with the big stick.
The railroad corporations still have
a strangle hold on the Tennessee leg
islature. Governor Patterson seems
to have been a very large lemon for
the common people.
The Northern farmer still thinks the
protective tariff makes a home mar
ket for his produce. It also makes
the prices for him, in the interest of
cheap bread for underpaid factory
hands.
Senator Aldrich, of Rhode Island,
seems perfectly reconciled to the
dead-lock in the senatorial fight in
that state. He has long been “the
only” senator from Rhode Island, any
how.