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FAPMER 8c HOUSEKEEPER. How bleat lathe farmer’* simple life! How pure tbe joy it yields ! Far from tbe world's tempestuous strife, Free ’mid the scented tieMe.-—fc’rerrf/. SiHstK f Naire la Bara Yards. MsUss op Composts.- We once bad an ecceotric friend who instated upon wearing tbe nap, or soft aide of hia stocking toward hi* foot, or what is usually called wrong tide out. He insisted upon it, that the stocking would wear for a longer time, and that as he had morn re. apect for hia foot than hia boot, he should so continue to wear hit- stockings. When asked why others did not follow hi* plan, be answer* ed, that they followed example rather than to take the trouble to think. Is it noUso with our farmers, in permiting manures to tie continual ly exposed on the surface of an open ground ? When they cart out manure* to spread on ground before plowing, they are always an. sious to sp£#ad on more than they can ploW un. der tbe An* day, to prevent loss by evaporation and rtiti are willing to leave it exposed'all win. tertocontinued evaporation. And not only do they lose the Volatile patt of tbe manure by such exposete, bat tbe of the cattle upon it iscpritinually displacing atmosphere from be tweet Ibe particle*, and enabling .mg quali ties to enter lor further evaporation.** All the liquid iMaurei* lost in an accelerated rate by ~bwng kept in continual motion, not only by tbe feel of entile,'smjl by capillary attraction from straw, corn-stalks, dec. Notwithstanding that it haw been clearly established that seventy-live per cent, oi the value of manures is lost by such treatment still tbe practice is adhered to with, out change. Instead of such exposure and loss of manyrq.uvhy not build sheds fencing the barn 'yhrd to bold manures, and throw the quantity produced under these sheds each morning be. fore the sun has full power upon it, and by there mixing it with muck, headleads, or any other divisor, increase the quantity of manure in ad. dition lion to the saving of 75 per cent., by pre. venting evaporation. Every one who has tried it, know* that one load of frr*h manure mixed with several loads of muck or even headland, undercover*, will cause each load of the mass to become equal to its bulk of clear manure for purpose* of fertilisation, and that this arise* from the escaping gases given off from tbe ma nure during fermentation, being absorbed by the divisor ; and still we see farmers continu ing this barn-yard deposit notwithstanding the fact that in many cases they are compelled to buy manures in the spring. Let them, if they will continue tbe barn.syatcm, at lead! thrpw murk, charcoal dust, gypsum, or all three of them, on the surface of the ground each day af ter cleaning up the yaM, and thus save a Ur. ger proportion of the liquid manure* by retain, ing the ammonia. We have found that by pin. cing proper absorbents to our ox, cow and horse stables, so as to receive the fluid manures before they lose the animal heat, that eighteen loads of muck may readily bn used wiih every toad of fresh manure, thus giving us nineteen times tbe hulk of manures that we should havo on the old system, and even with aurh divisor the heat of our manure heaps is fully sufficient for the purposes of decomposition ; but out cat. tie do one *•* Wrg. In a barn yard, nor do we believe it necessary for their health that they do so. For workiug cattle ezercise is un necessary, and for air, a well-regulated stable, having *i%#cape for the gases from manures, furnish b tier air than a putrid and ofTcn. sive barn-yard. If the object be to fatten cattle it has long been decided that they fatten more readily without a continuous motion than with it, and for milch cows, tbe stall system cannot be doubted as being the most economical both a* relate* to the quantity of milk and food, as well as the saving of manure. A moderate quantity of salt should be used in the manure or compost heap. It is well known that although a large quantity of sail will pre vent active fermentation, still a moderate quail, tity will accelerate decomposition and at the same time, destroy the seeds of many kinds of weeds, grubs, dsc. Farmers who raise wheat, rye, corn, oats, barley, clover, turnips, and potatoes, should ei. ther have in their soil or add to their compost heaps a variety of inorganic ingredients which these crops contain. 7’hus, if after having an analysis of their soil, they should find it to cou. tain potash, soda, lime, magnesia, phosphoric acid, sulphuric acid, soluble silicates, chloride* and anotized matters, then they may raise any or all tbe crops before named, by only adding ao much manure as will supply tbe carbonace. •us *ubstance required, or if the soil be well tilled, this carbon will be supplied from the car bonic acid of the atmosphere. But should any ol these ingredients be miss, ing from the soil and not be contained in the manure used, the crops for which it is required cannot possibly succeed, however rich the toll may be in other ingredient*. Working Farmer. from the National ItUtUigtnetr, NaufaeUrlßgla the Sontb.~ranitfviiif. Kill wood, S. C. April 28,1849. Allow me space in your column* fora few word* upon (hi* tuhjoct, Which 1 hop* may bo intaretting to moat ofyoyr reader*, although, a* B writer, I am much bettor known to the read, •ra of agricultural paper* than I am to political I have juat vitited one of the finest new Cotton Facto tie* in all the SoAh. and taken all in alt, one of the neatest and best establishments 1 havo over seen any when. Itis located in Edgefield Diatrict, S. C. twela mi lea northeaat of Augusta, and about aixty hiiles touthwest of Columbia, Upon a nUI durable stream that here tumble* ov#r the lowest ridge of granite in the State, and istwo atoriea high, throe hundred and fifty feet wide. The line of front is broken by projecting buttresses, through which ‘-are the entrances, and without appearing large, afford ample room* for stairways to the second story ; and, rising in a balcony room above the eye*, also affords a stairway and entrance into the cock.loft, which tyjkted in the root and i* nearly equal to a The water is brought in amUe-long Canal, I and fells upon two wheels from a forty feet head. -The cotton is taken into a warehouse from wagon* in the street, and passe* some hundred fsat from there on a railroad into the picker-room Is a stone building separate from the main one, and from thence, by the gradual stages of menu- MfttM, upon the most beautiful aM perfect raa drfaaiy that modem ingenuity end Yankee skill ean fashion, through the entira length of the boil, dfag, and out at the other cad ia cloth, and up , j and away in the atore bouse, corresponding that of the cotton-bouse, but well away, to make all safe from fire. Most of the machinery I# now in operation. When all is complete there will be 9,345 spindles and 300 looms, all operated by three hundred men, girls, and boys, from twelve | years up, and whose wages average now three dollar* a week, most of them working by tbe piece. They are all natives of the‘piney woods,’ except a few experienced overseers and tuperin tendents. Tbia mill will consume about lea bale* a day and turn out ten or twelve thousand yhrds ®f thirty and thirty.six inch No. 14 shirtmg and drillings. | The memthly statement ending April 14 thMee. $1,996 63 paid for labor. ■ 160 00 “ “ I*o gallons oil. I 8800 “ “ 1,600 lbs. starch, f 13 00 “ “ sundry supplies. 2,951 87 •• “ 86,416 lbs. of cotton, at 6|o. . • - mm I II- ■ 86,400 98 ’ ** t Goode manufactured in the tame. iriaa, pieces 4-4 sheeting, weighing 13,470 lbs,, irf38,449 yards, and cost for labor 2 6514- 1000 twills per yard, and for stock 2 084-1000 mile* par yard, total. 2,000 piece* 7-8 shirtings, 26x369 lbs J 87,689 yards, and coat.JL’WWOOOmills per yar 1 for la bor, and 2 571-wUO mills per yard for a lock, or total, 4 822-1000 mill*. The building is warmed by steam ant lighted with oil. * Labor it all paid monthly in esab. There are eigbty-three dwelling*, a hotel, a saw mill and grist mi%Md all needed out-buildings, and schoolhouse, ana two of tbe neatest and'prettiest little gothichurches ever seen embowered in the aey-wootf forest ; and a tract ol nine thousand 6s of land, including another mill site, all of which has cost the company 8300,000. Most of the dwellings are two.story, with por tico and handsome front yards and gardens, and large enough to give good room for a large fam ily. For small families there are number* of snug little cottages, ail painted like blue granite and hence the name of Granileville. The whole conception and finish appears to be due to the active inind of the President of the company, Wm. Gregg, Esq., whom I regret I did not see. As 1 am travelling slowly in my own carriage (as 1 have been for six months.) viewing ail that t find interesting, as connected with my agricul tural tour through South, it will bo some weeks before I reach Washington; but then, if not before; I will try to write a more interesting sketch. During my journey I have had great opportu nities to see negro slavery as it is, and am free to say that all the objections 1 ever had to the in stitution must give way to the strong arguments of light and reason, that, at least to the ucg.o. it brings a thousand blessings to one curse. 1 could tell you facts about the situation of three hundred slaves upon the plantation of Col. Wade Hampton, where 1 now write this, that would go show the condition of these people to lie al most inconceivably better than that of thousands of white ‘tree men’ throughout all this region— the same class of people whence Col. Gregg has drawn his factory operatives, because they are found to he cheaper than blacks; and for an obvious reason, there are no children, old, sick, or infirm to be supported. They aro free, which also means free to starve if unable to work; while the slave is always provided for at bis mas ter’s expense. The damage done by the late frost you can hardly form an idea of unless you were here to <•. ‘!’*>• ootton crop must be greatly uioruo ed, for tfcts scarcity of seed to replant re very great, while all that was above the ground has I been killed. In additition there has been no rain for five weeks, and of course the replant cannot vegetate. Fruit has been almost entire ly killed. The persimmon and some of the oaks areas dry as in midwinter. Corn was much of it killed a little below the surface of the ground, and has to be replanted. I am, with much respect, yours, &c. SOLON ROBINSON. Remarks on the Onion, Mr. Editor: —There are three varieties of this vegetable cultivated in this region. The allium cepa is a biennial, and is highly esteemed as a salad. To insure a good crop, the seed should be sown early in the spring. The soil selected should be of a light, loamy texture, ap. proximating to sand, and g<> prepared as to ena ble it to retain a considerable degree of beat without becoming dry or excessively parched, during drought. There are, however, few vee etabics which require less moisture, or to the full and perfect deyelopenient of which the prin cipld of heat is more strictly necessary, or indis pen&ablc. About midsummer, it should beta. ken up and stored,for if it is permitted to remain longer in the soil, it* value for culinary purposes, will bo deteriorated if not destroyed. The allium ccpa, is one of the few cultivated vegetables which admit of being changed from biennials to triennials. This is effected simply by sowing the seeds quite late in the season, and in closo proximity, the first summer, on poor or sterile soil, and transplanting them in the spring of the second season. Onions managed in this way, are sometimes called ‘ scullions .’ They are much more mild and agreeable to the pal. ate, beside* presenting a much more symmetri cal and perfect dcvelopement in the bulb. tVhen treated in this’ way, they will not run So ■onwl till the fell of,the third year. The best manure for onion*, drith which lam acquainted, j* gypsum, soot, ashes and charcoal. Stimulated by fre. quent applications of these, the onion will sue. coed well on the same soil for many consecutive years. It it asserted, indeed, and on credi. ble authority, that a piece of soil was sown, some years since, in Scotland, which had been cultivated, in this plant for a period of 80 years, ! and the Jest crop taken was, it is said, as good to all appearance, as any of the preceding ones of which the then proprietor bad any recollection. Th* Pot at# Onion—( Allium aggrrgahtm.) This ia another specie* of the onion tribe. It is wonderfully prolific. It does not, however, like the aUuun cepa produce one large, distinct bulb, but radiates into numerous offsets, each of which is nearly the sign of a small orange. This veg etable i* perhaps as extensively admired as the common onion, I tut is preserved with much great. I er difficulty. The rule commonly observed in cultivating ft, by those who have had the most experience in the business is, we believe, to plant the smallest ‘douce’ on the shortest day, UUpWLi crr'n on the Jnngasi. Tub Tb*lTOion— Allium Canadensis This is a Hall growing plant,’ and should be pro vided with a support in order to prevent injury from winds. Small bulba are produced both at the top and bottom of the stems. The latter are said to be preferable to the former in many respect*—especially for pickling. The small bulbs m*y be set either in the fall or spring, and the crop, with proper care and attention in cul tivating it, will bo ready for harvesting by mid summer. WGo§©® (g In® gm®©R &TT □ In cultivating the common onion ( I do not con sider it necessary to plow or dig the soil. With a common iron-tooth rake, I lightly stir the sur face to the depth of two inches, and ed the line* with a common seed rake, t<m the seed and cover it with the hoe or hand.. The roller is then applied to level and surface soil, and a dressing of gypsum, uMßbd house ashes, (equal parts) applied at fIJPL or just before a rain. As soon &* the plant* Stake their appearance, another application of the same mixture ia given; a third follows after wendlqg. The seeding should be soaked from twenty.four to thirty-six hours before sowing, in houare fey, or water in which there i* some principle capa ble of softening tbe pericarp which is rematka bly indurated, especially when the seed is old, Germantown Telcgrafiu Culture ts Potatoes. -£■—- Tub Rot.— As far as I can, I will give the result of my observation on the effect of manure in the culture of potatoes, in the hope of leading someone to the analytical investigation of tbe difficulty. Having made some experiment* with manures, all the difference I could observe be tween those with rotted manure, and those with out any manure, was, that those manured wore much larger and more numerous than those not manured. They were planted at different time* iti Mareh and April. They •Tfrg” minus! cm, until saw, promising a fine yield, until about the of July. At that time, for several days, bstfety i rains, and hot sunshine alternated, producing ft state ol fermentation in the root, which ended in the destruction ol half the crop. Observation warrants me in saying that the rain or hot weath er was the inducing cause of the rot, for.it cca*. ed with clear, cool weather. The real cause was the lack of some agent ne. cessary to its lull formation, and which would have rendered it proof against the exciting cause, Bays one, * Did you not manure some of them V So I did; but did the manure contain all that was necessary to the growth of the potatoe? If it contained enough for ordinary weather,-did it contain enough to be in proportion after the immense fall of rain ? For it must be rerabered that oxygen and hydrogen, the component palls of water, enter into vegetables, by first dfotojv. ing other agents, uud then, if tbe ground is not rich in proportion, some will enter more lately than others. In order, if possible, to illustrate, I will ncte a case which may be observed by every ffraier. Farmers sometimes thresh their wheat fa^pt tit field, selecting a poor spot, that will hardly jicld five bushels to the acre. The straw is aljdtved to lie here and rot, or is ploughed under tu en rich the worn-out soil, lu course of time, an other sowing of wheat takes place; and when spring come, the farmer congratulates hinfaelf upon having in the field at least one spot of good wheat. Harvest comes, and the hands cut up to the place, but they find the straw all tumbled down, and the heads not filled. *o,’ says bn'e, ‘this ground is entirely too rich.’ Organic chemistry will tell you that kbe ground was only half rich enough. The straw contained only those agents necessary to re|ro duce straw, and from the aptitude of tbe rotting straw to bold and appropriate the component parts ofwuter,tho stalk shoots up without siiength to support its overgrown weight. If the ground had contained the ingredients oi the grain, Vnd the salts of lime, &c., to strengthen the sjglk, (here could bßvcF been no failure. Piaflnfefg spot in corn, and the long ears in aulnmu will lell that (he grpund possessed all that wNPaae. cessary for “its perfect growth. I have •ecu these spots fail in one grain and succeed in an. other; but it was a wonder, until organic chem istry explained the mystery. Many a time 1 have wondred why a stalk of corn would noi grow in a pile of manure having seen them come up there early in the spring. It ceases to be a wonder when we learn that the pile is only rich in reference to ammonia, dec., and poor in regard to several agents. The ground can nev er be too rich, if it holds all the agents of growth in just proportion ; for the plant will apply what is demanded for its support, and leave the bal. ance for another time. I think the views here taken are in strict ac cordance with science. Then we should learn the importance of knowing what the soil has, what is wanting, what manures have, and then we can apply them so as to render the required assistance. Some may wish to know why straw rotted in the barn-yard, where stock run over it, make better manure than that rotted in the field. Simply because tho deposits of the cattle supply what is lacking in the field. When quite smalt I remember seeing a large quantity of lime ap. plied to a field, as 1 was told ‘to make it rich.’ The tronblo was not repaid, and the system of liming was abandoned. Tho persons who did it cannot yet tell why it was that no good resulted. Science steps in, and tells the man ol careful observation, that the ground had lime enough, and that it wanted something else. But more of this at another time, for long articles are likely to be neglected. J, L. Frankfort, Ky., Feb., 1849. Management or Hobsks.—We have no do. meslic animal amouggt uS, that cost so much, that will do a greater variety of work or is as much abused as the horse. Like hi* master, the horse is complicated in bis structure, and liable to a great many diseases ; and as bo is capable of being made to exert ali his power ot body in the efforts of speed or severe labor, niue-tenth* of them are cutoff in tbe'prilmrai life. And yet by care and attention, by Ititid and humane treatment iu working and feeding, he can be made to endure a great many years, active and strong. Mr. Poll, of New York has given some excellent rule* for the management of horses, which were published in the transac tions of the New York Agricultural Society, the good ideas which he there advanced be observes: ‘ Feed them in winter on a vari ety of food such as oats, ground and whole, bran, strip stuff, peas, turnips, carrots, potatoes, and parsnips, occasionally steamed separately and together. In summer, keep th*-m always confined in airy stables and teed them on clover, bruised grain cornstalks, cider pomace, oil cake, hay, Ate. Be particular to give them three-fourths of a pound of salt per week; occa sionally two ounces of sulphur ; and frequently two ounces of wood ashee. • By good keeping and judicious management, a pair ofhorsea perfectly sound when young, will last, and labor constantly, twenty.five years, and to,the and will retain their spirit*. 1 have a pair of bsy horse*,’ he observe*, *on my farm that are now twenty years old, during time they have never been ft pasture, and have worked daiiy; they have never been incapacita ted for work by lameness, or dises.se of any kind, and have always been perfectly healthy.* lie also add* that he has pair of sor. rcls that are eighteen years old, which labor daily and will do at much work aa any pair of aix year old.’ Ttys above statements of Mr. Fed are worth listening to and hi* advice should be followed. Much loss would be prevented, and much suffer ing to a faithful.and useful animaj would amply reward the extra care and kind ness thus bestow ed, even if the virtue of mercy to those brute* intrusted to our protection were not taken into account.— Maine Farmer. Clothes Balls.— Take four ounces of ful ler's earth, dried so as to crumble into powder, and mix with it half an ounce of peart-asb. Wet it with a sufficiency of lemon juice to work it into a stiff paste. Then form it into balls, and dry them in the sun, or on the top of a moder ately warm stove. When quite dry, put them away for use. They will be found efficacious in removing grease spots and stains from arti cles of clothing, first wetting the spot with cold water, and then nibbing on the ball; afterward* drying the place in the sun or by the fire, and then washing it off with a sponge and clean water. Indestructible Cordage.— Messrs. J. T. Crooke dt Cos. of Maysville. Ky., are manufsc.* turing cordage of unrated hemp, so kynnized by the use of antiseptic substances as to render ir, as they assert, indestructible when exposed to the weather. Cordage prepared according to their method has been buried in a fungut’ heap, filled with decaying vegetable matter, for five years, wihmit showing signs of decay. The comparitive value of different sort* of hemp as it regards durability, is easily and spee. (lily tested by any onn. since nearly ail kinds are very short lived when exposed.to causes favorable to decay. The Manilla will last some four or fire months as used in the summer sea son upon our steamboats—the Sisal, which is often sold in the West as Manilla, will not last much mors than half as long; the Russian hemp when kept moist and warm, will loose its strength in about three weeks—the American water rotted in two week, and the dew rotted in from fire to ten days. The unroted hemp, without being kyanized, will not last longer than the dew rotted, and will even show more signs of putrefaction before losing it* strength. Married Life. —The following true send ments are from the pen of that charming writer, Fredericks Bremer, whose observations might well become the rule of life, so appropriate are they to many of its phases : Deceive not one another in small things nor in great. One little single lie has, before now, disturbed a whole married life. A small cause has often great consequences. Fold not your hands together and sit idle. Laziness is the devil’s cushion. Do not run much from your home. One’s own health is worth more than gold. Many a marriage, my friend, begins like the may morning, end then fall* away like a snow wreath. And why ?-.Because the mar. ried pair neglect to be a* well pleased with each other after marriage as before. Endeavour al ways, my children, to please one another, but at the same time keep God in your thoughts.— Lavish not all yor flPflghts on ln-ri*v. for re. .member that marriage ?has its to-morrow, and its day after to-morrow, too.—‘spare,’ as we •nay say. ‘fuel for the winter.’ Consider, my daughter, what the word wife expresses. The married woman is the husband's domestic faith: in her hands must he he able to confide house and family, he able to trust her with the key of his heart, as well as the key of his eating-room. His honor and his home are under her keeping ...hie well being is in her hand. Think of this! And ye sons, he faithful husbands and good fath. ers of families. Act so that your wivoe shall esteem and love you. Idle Daughters. It is, says Mrs. Ellis, ih ■nos* painful spectacle in families where theft mother is tho drudge, to see the daughters elel aantly dressed, reclining at their ease with theifl drawing, their music, their fancy.wmks anl •heir reading; beguiling themselves of the lapsM of hours, days and weeks, and never Hrraminfl of their responsibilities ; but. ag a neressafl consequence of neglect of duty, growing weafl of their useless lives, laying hold of every ly invented stimulant to rouse their energies, and blaming their fate when they not blame their God, for having placed where they are. HI These individuals will often tell you air of affected compassion—for who can it real ? that ‘poor dear mamma is herself to death.’ Yet, no sooner do you pose that they should assist her, than they B 9 clare she is quite in her element-..in short, he would never be happy if she had only BUI at much to Ho. jIH Put you* Sicn is the Paraas —I young buisness man, wbo put* hii money I the newspaper* in the shape of advertiemJ instead of the theatre, the bowling saloon J tavern, and the fifty follies of life, is wise,! must reap a golden harvest. The great afl of success lies in economy in everything! advertising. Young business men must at! tise liberally if they would be liberally patfl ized— City Item. 1 A Beautiful Extract. — Labor !— man of idleness, has labor rocked you idߧ§|| cradle, and m,unshed your out it, the woven silks and wool upon your would be in the silk worm’s nest, and the fleß|j| in the sheperd’s told. For the meanest tflll that ministers to human want, save the aiHgi| heaven, man is indebted to toil ; and eHll the air, by God’s wise ordination, is breatßpff with labor. It is only the drones who toilHg|| who infest the hive of the active-like maHp of corruption and decay. The lords of the etH|| are workingmen, who build or cast dowiiH their will, and who retort the sneer of the *MP handed’ by pointing to their trophies, whenever art science, civilization and humanity are known. Work on, man of toil 1 tby royalty is yet to be acknowledged, as labor riaea on ward to the highest throne of {tower. ‘ Amause TO THX IMV AID Nature or CaiLß***.’*-—Wrvtesa on Education now.*, days, in treating of the government of children, have much to say about •appealing to their in ward nature.’ The doctrine was practically illustrated ia School street on Sunday. A lady finding some difficulty in making a couple of children walk home from church in a becoming manner, said to them—if you behave so, see if you do not hire to take seme caster oil as soon as you get home. Now take my word for it, just aa sure as you are aliye.’ The children immediately drew up demurely by her side, and moved along as gravely aa mutes at a funeral,-- Fast, BS jjSatMBMM gfesaaA**l abort time since a aon of Mr. Richard Parker of Boone county, Ky., found a nest of young squirrels, three ia number, and carrying them into the house, he placed them with a bevy of young kk tens, and strange to tell, the mother cat adopted the little fondlings into her family, bestowing as much care and kindness upon them as upon her own offspring. The squirrels are now about a month old, and have become entirely domestics, ted living upon the same pap and adopting the habits of their feline brothers and sisters. Indiana Whig. Playing the Devil.—We were a good deal amused at an anecdote we beard the other day of a certain preacher whose calling confined him within the limits of old Kentucky. He had preached ia his parish many years, and of coarse run short of the eloquence so much needed to keep bis hearers awake aad astonished. Lei him preach ever so well now, it made no differ ence, they had got used to him and used to sleep, ing: and sleep they would, to his great annoy, ance. At last be hit upon an expedient to bring ’em up standing, ns the saying is. He pro cured a small tin whistle, which he took with him into the pulpit, and after taking his text and •blazing away’ until his lungs were sore and his bearers all comfortably dozing and nodding approval of rach other, he suddenly drew it forth and gave a shrill toot-a-toot. In an in stant the whole congregation was awako and upon their feet, staring at the minister, at each othpr, and wondering what in the name of pick le* and human nature, as Sam Slick says, was to come next. ‘You’re a set of smart speci mens of humanity, ain’t you ?’ said the divine whistler, as he slowly gazed around on his as tonished assemblage. ‘When I preach the Gog. pel to you, you all go to sleep ; but the moment 1 go to playing the devil, you’re all wide awake up and a coming like a rush of hornets with a pole in their nert !’ Pehfect Sincerity, or Thinking Aloud. jVo 1-— I ‘Are you going?’ ‘Why, ye-er. The fact is, that your party is so slow, and 1 am weally so infernally bored, that 1 shall go some-where and smoke a quiet cigar.’ “Well, good night. As you are by no means handsome, a great puppy, aud not in tho least amusing, 1 think it’a the best thing you can do.’ No 2.— Mamma. ‘You are a disagreeable old bachelor,’ and generally hate children, 1 know —but isn’t dear little Wormwood & fine, noble, little follow V Old Gent. ‘Well if you want my candid opin ion, I may as well tell )6u at onec—that I think him the most detestable little beast I ever saw —and if you imagine I am going to leave him anything because you have named him after me you are mighlly mistaken.’ A Willing Debtor. —Sir Walter Scott, on one occasion, was desirous of rewarding the wit and importunity of an Irish beggar by the present of sixpence, but found he had not so small a coin in his purse.’ 4ierc, my good fel low,’ said the baronet, ‘here ia a shilling ; but mind, you owe me sixpence.” “God bless your honor,’ exclaimed Pat, ‘may your honor live till I pay you !’ The author of Ivanhoe was highly tickled at the naive reply. A Grecian in to-to. —A learned D. D. once remarked lo a theologicial student, that • would be become a perfect Greek scholar, it was necossary to pay great attention to those words nut in common use, technical terms, etc.’ • 1 believe that I have done so,’ xvax tho re pr- , TV n,; .then you consider was a hen 1 wouldn’t lay eggs for a cent a piece I know.’ Conscience —‘Conscience!’ said Mrs. Hop kins, indignantly. ‘Do you not suppose nobody has got any conscience, hut yourself! My con science, is as good as yours—ay, better too— •or it has never been used in the course of my life, while youre must be nearly worn out!’ “We find the following piece of impudence in a!?sw York paper: •Young ladies should never object to being kissed hy editors; they should make every al lowance for the freedom of the press.’ We are silent with indignation. DOING A LANDLORD. Mr. Stijut.— Shortly after the completing of the *Great National Road’ through Ohio, the incident I nos about to relate occurred. There waa, ia a quiet little village through which this ‘Rond’ passed, a Hotel where die stages always changed, and the passengers ex. peeled to get breakfast. The landlord of said Hotel waa noted for his ‘tricks upon travellers, who were allowed to get fairly seated at the In ble, when the driver would blow his horn (after taking bis harms) and sing out, ‘Stage ready, gentlemen I’ whereupon the passengers were obliged to hurry out and take their scats, leav. ing a scarcely tasted breakfast behind them, (or which, however, they had to fork over Fifty cents. Time and place you bare, now for thn how our hero succeeded in OOING A LANDLORD : OR, CETTIN’ THE VALUE ON’t. If I were to commence thus: ‘At sunrise, one lovely morning in the month of June, itr-duT year——, a solitary horseman might be seen/ &c. tic. you might think G, P. R. James wag your correspondent. But lo our subject. The hero I speak ofj was one of nine passengers in n stage coach which was slowly approaching the village above mentioned, on* a cold morning in Febuary. 193—, •Gentlemen,’ said one of the nine, 4 have of. ten traveled this road before, nod, out of good feeling to all, I will caution you against ‘hug ging the delusive phantom of hope,’ a* regards getting breakfast at the Hotel we are approach, ing.’ •What 7—how 7 No breakfast f* exclaimed the rest. ‘Exactly so, gents, aad you may as well keep your seals and tin.’ ‘Don't they expect passengers to breakfast V •Oh yes ! they expect you to it, but not to eat it. I am under the impression, that there ia an understanding between the landlord and driver that, for sundry and various drinks, cct., the latter starts before you can scarcely commence eating.’ ‘Why, wot on airth air you talkin’ ’bout 7 Es you calkerlate I’m gin’ to pay ‘four ainepence’ fur my breakfast and not git the valle on’t, you air mistakin I’ said a voice from the back seat, the owner of which was one Hrzekiah Spauld ing—though ‘tew bum’ they called him ‘Hez* for short. ‘l’m goin’ tew git my breakfast yen, and not pay ‘nary red’ till I dew.’ •Then you’ll tie left.’ ‘Not as yew knows on, I wont 1’ •Well, we’ll see,’ said the other, as the stage drove up to the door, and the landlord, ready to *do the hospitable,’ says— ‘Breakfast just ready, gents ! Take a wash, gents 7 Here’s water, basins, towels, and soap. After performing their ablutions, they all proceeded to tbe dining-room, and commenced a fierce onslaught upon the edibles, thouh ‘Hez’ took bis time. Scarcely had they tasted their coffee, when they heard the unwelcome sound of the horn, and tho driver exclaim • Stage ready V Up rise eight grumbling passenger*, pay their 50 cents, aud take their aeats. •All afioard, gents 7’ inquires the best. •Okie missing,’ said they. Proceeding to the ffiging-room, the host finds Hez very coolly helping himself to an immense peice of steak, the ‘site of a horse’s lip.’ ‘You’ll be left, sir f Stage li going to start"!’ •Wal, 1 haint got nothin’ to say agin it !’ draw!* out Hez. •Can’t wait, air,- better take your seat.’ ‘Dew wot 7’ •Get in, sir.’ •I’ll lie gaui-darned es I dew, auther, ’till I’ve got n.y breakfast ! I paid for it, and Fm goin to git the vallee on't s and es you calculate I ain’t, yew air mistaken. So jhe stage did start, and left Hez, who continued his attack of the edibles. Biscuit*, coffee, steaks, dec., dec., disappeared rapidly beforo'the eyes of the astonished landlord. assahjaa , Squire, them there cakes is ’bout East ; nuther grist on ‘em. ‘Yon !’ (to the |||||H ;) ‘nuther cup nv that air coffee. Pass ge s.’ ‘Raise yew’rc own pork, Squire? |||P^^i|axiu^niceham. Land ‘bout yere tol i’ maple ‘Br in thriX'", Lx—*.ye 7 Dewin’ right Wflm trade. Squire, I calculate. Oon't lay yrw r HWeggS, dew yc V and thus Hex kep quizz ||Whe landlord, until he had made a hearty 3*av, Squire, now I’m ’bout tew conclude B n ‘ ray devowers tew this ere table, but es HjH’d ius’ giv’ us a bowl o’ brerd and milk gg| sorter stop off with, I’d be obleegcd tew out goes landlord and waiter for the bowl, H and bread, and set them before Hez. • mpeten, teic, es you please !’ §,( no spoon could be found. Landlord was WSjMhe had plenty silver ones laying on the ta. ‘Evhen the stag* s’opped. gHHay yew ! dew you think them passengers ia ; ?w pay yew for a breakfast and not get !’ . , , what! Do y OIF think |j|||Mers took them ?’ ■Hew I think 1 No, I don’t think, but (aw lllljHin.’ BPlhey air all r.v green as yew ’bout H| I'm goin’ tew locate immediately and tew B Et.’ landlord rush‘d out to the stable, and ffltarts a man off alter the stage, which had gone libout three miles. The man overtakes the and says something to the driver in a low ■ tone. He immedially turns back, and on a*vi 9 ving at the Hotel, Hez comet out to take hi* ■ seat, and says : ■ *Oeow air yow, gents 7 I’m rotten flat tem I see yon f* I Landlord sav* to Hex, ‘Can you point out the I man you think his the spoons V ‘Pint him eout? Sartainiy, I ken. Say, Squire! B 1 p*id yow four ninepeece for a breakfast, and B 1 calculate 1 cot tb* vau.ee on't ! Yew’l find I them spoons in the cofiee-pot!’ v- _ ■ Go ahead, all ohoor^drivej^^^^^M|