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[Written for the Southern Field and Fireside.]
THE WIFE THAT MEETS ME AT THE DOOB'
BespectfuUy inscribed, to my friend and acquain
tance, of many years, llox. A. B. Meek, of Ala.
I never leave my home a day,
• How e'er with others it may be—
But what I get, when I come back.
Welcoming smile, and hearty smack,
That make me love, sti 11 more and more,
The wife that meets me at the door.
Her dress is always neat and clean, —
A pretty wife and yet not vain,—
» And when she sings my favorite song,
w How sure am I, the man is wrong,
Who weds not—be he rich or poor—
A icife to meet him at the door !
The little chickens run to meet,
And pick the crumbs up at her feet;
Old Towser licks her proffered hand,
And frolics 'round her in the sand;
There's nothing like, I’ve said before,
A wife that meets one at t/ie door !
In social hall, her smiling face,
In every heart wins quick a place;
, The gayest lad that walks the green,
‘ Will tip his hat when she is seen,
And hopes to meet, when teens are o’er,
Just such a icife at h is oten door.
Hal.
[Written for the Southern Field and Fireside.]
A TALK EN-FAMILLE.
r “ My dear, don’t you think it is time Josephine
was being polished off a little ?”
“ Polish off Josephine 1 Mrs. Millikens, what
' on earth do you mean ?”
The above question was asked by my spouse,
Jemima Millikens, and the reply, somewhat indi
cative of astonishment, was by myself, Joseph
Millikens, Esq.
As it is not my wont to address Mrs. M. in
abrupt or discourteous terms, it is due to myself
t as well as to her to explain how it was that my
answer to her mild interrogatory savored somo
' what of both.
I am waxing old, although Mrs. Millikens fre
quently tells me that I look ten years younger
than my age would warrant. Now, it may bo
her partiality, and natural kindness of heart, that
caused her to say so; still, I feel bound to de
clare that such is her opinion as expressed in
1 private to me; but, at all events, lam conscious
that I am growing garrulous and egotistical, and
t those little failings are the sure concomitants of
increase of years. I find it difficult to narrate
the simplest circumstance without indulging in
an episode of my personal antecedents. My
friends, I am sorry to perceive, become restive
when I approach my favorite topic, and to avoid
inflicting the same unpleasant sensations upon
t others, I will be as brief as possible in relating
how it happened that I replied to Mrs. M. in the
r manner above stated.
It is my intention at some future day, to give
the world the benefit of an autobiography; but
at present I design an outline only: this I re
gard as indispensable to a proper understanding
of the point that I propose to elucidate.
I was bom in the State of Georgia, and in the
[ county of Burke, in said State—l like to bo par
ticular—my native county, in my early youth,
f was chiefly famous for the fertility of its soil, and
the number of its ponds of stagnant water, its
chief product’ons were cotton, alligators, mus
i quetoes, and chills and fevers. lam happy to
• say that I have outlived the three commodities
last mentioned, and that here as in the rest of
the world, cotton alone is King.
( At the proper age, I entered our State univer
sity, and emerged therefrom, at the expiration of
f four years, a wiser, if not a better man. I am
rather sceptical on this point can a man bo wi
ser, and yet no better? and yet as Bacon was pro
i nounced the "wisest” as well as the "meanest”
of mankind, I suppose the antithesis is correct;
I cannot stop to argue the question now. Ire
member distinctly, however, that when the ven
[ erable president charged me especially to avoid
gambling, drinking aud swearing, I scarcely un
, derstood the nature of the vices of which the
good man seemed to have such a holy horror.
Now for the corollary. There was a fellow stu
dent, a friend of mine, a class in advance of me,
who was, at the time of my initiation into the
mysteries of college life, considered the crack
player at the game of “seven up.” He is now a
distinguished divine of the Church,
and as distinguished for his genuine piety as for
r his clerical ability—l could, were it not unseem
ly to do so. refer to him in proof of the fact, that
before I left college, I could give him a point in
the game and beat him: and as to drinking, et
cetera, —but I do not like to recall these follies
of my youth, and Jemima never fails, mildly to
rebuke me, when I allude to them; and yet even
now, a rubber of whist, and a single glass of old
Bourbon —well 1 well 1 let it pass.
Luckily, for me, soon after receiving my di
ploma, I fell in with Miss Jemima Wilkins, and
very speedily thereafter, I fell in lovo with her.
, Now I honestly aver, that in my opinion, any
other man must have done the same. In fact I
do not see how he could have helped it.
She was—but I will not attempt even, a des
> cription of her person, or an enumeration of her
good qualities. But for her good sense, her gen--
tlo and loving admonitions, I might have been
shipwrecked upon the rocks, where so many of
our Southern youth are stranded. Our main ob
! ject through life, has been I think to render each
other happy, She can wind me around her fin
ger, my gossiping neighbors say—be it so—l
know she has wound me around her heart, and
. the other is of little consequence; I deny her
1 nothing, it is true, but then she asks for nothing,
that a true wife should not have, and then every
• request is preferred in such away as to make it
a positive pleasure to oblige her —I would not
give that dear kind old heart an hour’s pain—no,
not even to evade the ignominy of being thought
, to be under my wife’s control. Many a poor
foolish husband renders his domestic life a hell
l on earth, just to prove that lie is too iudeper
' dent a gentleman, to be suspected of being gov
erned by a woman, and that woman his wife.
1 Jemima’s father was a sour old planter, proud
and stern —I venerate his memory however, for
besides being a just man, he left us fifty negroes,
and a wed stocked plantation.
When, with great fear and trembling I asked
her to become my wife, she replied like a sensible
> woman that she was and is. “that she was per
' fectly willing, but that she knew her father
would object, you are not settled in life, she said
i your habits are not fixed: now I know my fa
ther, and I know what is necessary for you to
do, to secure his consent. You have land and
} negroes, let law and medicine alone, go to work,
apply yourself steadily to planting—make a good
crop—he will watch you narrowly during the
i yoar, at the end of it come boldly, and ask his
' consent; we are both young, and a year will soon
pass.”
i I followed her advice, and even as she pre
dicted, so it came to pass.
“You have begun well, young gentleman,
? said the old man, and bid fair to make a skilful
XKX SOtfXKE&M VXS&D SMW XX&KSXXK.
planter—be sober and industrious, lie a gentle- 1
man! this is all I ask for my daughter’s hus- i
band. I have but two children, half of my pro
perty will be yours when I die. Marry as soon
as you please—live with me while I am here, I
cannot spare my housekeeper, even if I lose my
daughter.”
His death, five years afterwards, made no
change in our domestic arrangements, as we
continued to inhabit the same residence. I have
endeavored to follow my father-in-law’s advice,
and have prospered accordingly. A good wife,
good health, good crops, and a clear conscience,
are about as much as a Georgian planter would
ask for this side of heaven. It is true that an
honest overseer, and twelve cents per pound for
cotton, rather increase than diminish this bliss
ful condition.
Os five children bom to us, but two passed
the stage of infancy—both girls. The eldest
committed a fault only too common, in marrying
against our wishes a handsome, dashing, dissi
pated man. But little over a year had passed,
and she was a widow. A few more weeks, and
she was an angel, leaving us, as a consolation in
our great grief, a little rose bud, clipped from its
parent stem just ere decay had robbed it of its
bloom and beauty.
I could not well describe the affection we
bear to this our little grand-child; instead of be
ing removed from us a degree in consanguinity,
she is, through our still living love for her dead
mother, doubly endeared to us. Her custom is,
when after supper she has donned her night
clothes, to bow at her grand-mother’s knee, and
demurely repeat the evening prayer she has been
taught; she scarcely waits for the amen, before,
with a skip and a jump, she is in my lap, where,
frith her curly head nestled on my arm, and her
soft blue eye fixed upon mine, we hold a long
chat upon the events of the day. By aud by,
the blue eyes close—then, as something new flits
across her half dreaming recollection, they re
open, then close again—a muttered word or
two, the red lips gently part, and our little dar
ling is in the land of dreams. God bless her,
and keep her ever pure and innocent!
Every one, in his daily occupations, meets with
matters that vex and liarrass him more or less;
and I am, I fear, a little impatient and irascible;
but, with my little pet resting against my very
heart, I forget all these things—nor do I believe
that then an evil thought ever enters my mind;
I am sure that this child exercises over me a
good influence, makes me better every day, and
infuses a greater veneration for all that is good
and lovely.
Besides this grand-child, wo have one daugh
ter —the Josephine of this history. She is in
her seventeenth year, and has just graduated at
one of our excellent Georgia female colleges.
It was a rather cool night in the month of
April just passed: a cheerful fire of our famous
black jack oak enlivened the room. On one
side of our old fashioned ample hearth, I sat
with our little cherub asleep in my arms. Op
posite, as usual, was my good wife, engaged in
footing a woollen sock; near her, with her little
book resting on the candle stand, sat Josephine,
reading; and between her and myself were two
negro girls, occupied in polishing the brass fen
der; for a full half hour, no word had been ut
tered by any one in the room. I had about fin
ished planting cotton that day, and was fully ab
sorbed in a mental calculation of what would be,
with a fair season, the yield of the six hundred
acres devoted to the great staple. While, how
ever, my mind was intent upon this important
matter, my outward senses were concentrated
upon the occupation of the two girls who were
polishing the fender, so that when my wife ab
ruptly spoke of polishing off Josephine, in the
first confusion of my ideas, upon my soul, I im
agined that the polishing was to be done with
rotten stone and oil; and it was owing to this
strange hallucination that I replied to Mrs. M.
in a tone of indignant astonishment, which, as I
said before, I am not in the habit of doing.
When I had explained and apologised, Jemima
only said: “ What an absurd idea;” and I con
fess that, upon reflection, I think she was right.
“ But. my dear wife, absurd as it was, are you
sure that your own notions of polishing are not
liable to the same charge ?”
“Not at all; Josephine has finished her
studies —that is, she has gone through the text
books considered essential to an education. Now,
what’s the use of this, if she lacks the compo
sure of mind and the ease of manner necessary
to impart what she knows to others? Mr. Addi
son said that there “ could be no real conversa
tion but between two persons;” that may do
for men, but not for women—young ones espe
cially, whose good qualities and accomplishments
are to be displayed, if at all, in company; and
to do this, they must have easy’manners, and a
polished address; and I think a year spent at a
finishing school at the North, would be the best
way of acquiring them.”
“Doubtless it would assist in enabling her to
pass with less criticism, among a class, known
as “fashionables,” and whose morals are too of
ten as corrupt as their accomplishments are
meretricious. But we have no such class among
us. There may be a lame effort to ape and
imitate it, in our towns : but in the country, with j
the planters and farmers, who are the real no
bility of the land, it is unknown. Our social
system, is as unlike, as it is superior to any other I
existing in the world. Its effect upon our wo
men, is to create a contempt and scorn for the j
frivolities which make up the lives of their sis- j
ters elsewhere. A ruler of an inferior race is
dignified in his sentiments ahd character as
much by the contrast of condition as the exer
cise of power : but the arrogance which usually j
under other circumstances, attends the latter, j
and the diminution of the refining emotions of j
delicacy aud humanity, are with us entirely in- i
hibited by the paramount influence of self in- !
terest, and a generous sense of the mutual de- ;
pendence between the ruler and the ruled. — i
Suppose Josephine marries, as I hope she will, j
some day, a clever fellow with plenty of mules j
and niggers. She becomes at once the mistress
and mother I may say, of a large family, for |
every negro woman regards her mistress as
foster-parent at least to her ebony offspring. In
infancy, in old age, in sickness, they look to her
for comfort and help—and even in death she is j
expected to provide the mdhns of decent burial, j
They must be comfortably clothed, and it is her
duty to see it done. Nothing is done vicariously •
by a Southern wife. She is her own house
keeper—she must superintend and direct her ;
legion of houseservants.
The Keys of her storerooms, her closets, of j
the meat house are in her possession: the super
vision of the pantry yard and the vegetable and
flower garden constitute an important item in
her domestic pleasures. I mention these things
because they are extras, which do not fall with
in the province, in other sections, of ladies who
belong to what is called good society, and you
can easily perceive how incompatible these
duties are with the display of the accomplish
ments of “ fine ladies” or at least how little op
portunity offers for their exhibition.”
“ Mr. Millikens, you certainly must be think
ing about going back to the legislature. I didn’t I
! expect you to make a speech, when I asked you
I a simple question,"
“ My dear Jemima. I beg your pardon, I have
! no such intention. Should I ever go, you shall !
. accompany me, hear my great speech on |
! the rights of woman.’’
“You wont go there soon then—but under-
I stand me, all I mean is this—you recollect the
first summer we visited the North—and you
remember what tribulation I was in the whole
time, lest I should transgress some law of 1
etiquette. I confess that the pleasure of the j
trip was greatly’ lessened from not being familiar j
with the little conventionalities in vogue among '
those who make more of such things than we do
here. Now all I wish is that our daughter
should be freed from the embarrassment and
doubts which disturbed me."
Well I admit, there is a good deal in that.—
Good breeding and genuine politeness it is true
consist more in an accommodating and self
denying spirit, than in a graceful bend of the
body, and there is more of these good qualities
to be found in ten miles square in Georgia, than
in the whole of New England—yet as you sav,
young people should be familiar with the rules
of etiquette which govern polite and polished
people. The west end in London—fifth avenue
in New Y ork, State street probably in Boston, [
are the recognized standard in their respective
spheres, in matters of this sort, and I suppose
there is much uniformity in the code to which
they conform themselves. They eat and drink,
dress and visit, and I reckon go to bed and sleep
by rule. We do not; still there is good reason
why we should know how they do these things,
in ease we should ever be brought in contact
with them. Now I have an idea on this sub
ject, which I should like to see carried out, and
wliich would obviate the difficulty you have
mentioned. It is simply that a text book should
be proposed, embodying the laws, rules and
maxims which govern good society every where,
rules of conduct for the parlour, the dinner
table, the ball room, the opera, the reception
and entertainment of visitors, and every em
barrassing, situation in which young and inex
perienced people might be placed, should be in
cluded, besides this, there should be suggestions
for the toilet, for preserving health, housekeep
ing, cooking good tilings; this book should be
adopted as a regular part of education in our
female schools at least. It would accustom the
scholars to govern themselves by these very
rules, among themselves, and thus indelibly fix
them in the mind. Don’t you think it would be a
good plan?"
“,I do indeed my dear, think it excellent, what
is there to prevent its being done ?”
“ Well I know of no good reason, I can how
ever imagine one, though in my judgment a
very poor one, the world has improved a good
deal in some things, even within our time: for
we can remember, when those who preached
sermons for us on Sunday, spent their leisure
hours in the agreeable recreation of hunting for
witches among the old women of the vicinity.
But we are still, Mrs. M., a good deal under the
influence of cant. Josephine! get the dictionary,
and read the definition of that word that
will do, “ a whining pretension to goodness, in
affected terms.”
Now suppose some individual of a “devout
imagination" to open a text book in one of our
female colleges, at the chapter headed “ etiquette
of the ball room!” Jerusalem! what groaning
over the iniquities of our fallen race! The
commotion excitod among the virgins at the
boarding school in Pickwick, at the bare idea
of a “ man upon the premises” was a mere cir
cumstance to what this would be. We are, I
hope and believe, my dear, good orthodox
Christians, readers of the Bible, and believers in
its truths, none of which conflict, in my opinion
with a rational indulgence in the social and
intellectual pleasures, which a wise and benefi
cent creator so well fashioned us to enjoy. I
think with Goethe who
“ Held that a benign creator meant
To bless the creature.
And giving man a boon denied to brute.
Loved him to exercise his laughing attribute."
“ He felt that cheerfulness when unalloyed
With aught immoral,
Was piety on earth, in heaven enjoyed, Ac.”
“ Besides, because young ladies are taught
how to behave on certain occasions, it does not
follow that they are compelled to give a practical
illustration of this proficiency, there is no harm
certainly, in knowing what is proper in a ball
room, or at the opera, even admitting it wrong
to go there. —But bless my soul! it’s past eleven,
and I have an appointment with Scruggs at 8
o’clock in the morning, to discuss the purchase
| of that tract of land, ho wishes to sell, Good
night Josey!”
W.
—■*+*+■
[Written for the Southern Field and Fireside.]
AN ESSAY
I On the Office of Woman in Civilised Society.
When, with a philosophical mind, we contem
plate the movement of society, nothing strikes
us more forcibly than the constant increase of wo
man’s influence. In every successive age of
the progress of our race, we see her assuming
] a higher and higher position, and contributing
, powerfully to that progress. This is one of the
most striking characteristics of modern civiliza
; tion, evincing a radical change for the better in
j modem over ancient nations. The Jewish,
I Egyptian, and Assyrian female held but a very
| inferior and subordinate position. In the so
cial system of the Greeks, woman was treated
j with unfeigned contempt. Esteemed only for
! her personal beauty, she was regarded, not as
an equal and companion, but as the slave and
! plaything of the stronger sex. Homer tells us
i that all beautiful women, taken in war, were ap
-1 preprinted by the victors, and carried home as
! slaves. The Roman Jurisprudence (perhaps the
noblest bequest that imperial Rome has left to
| posterity, and which is, in truth, an imperisha
! ble monument of human wisdom and sagacity),
j is so grossly unjust to woman as to have justi
fied the remark of an eminent civil lawyer, that,
in this code, women are regarded, not as per
sons, but merely as things: so completely were
they stripped of all their rights, and held in sub
jection by their proud and imperious masters,
i This inequality of woman with man, shows how
j one-sided were the boasted civilizations of an
tiquit)’. These civilizations failed, and ancient
societies crumbled, because they did not advance
simultaneously in all their parts, and as a whole.
Portions progressed, while other portions re
mained stationary. The constituent elements of
1 sound society were thus separated. Dissolution
necessarily followed. In modern times, we see
little of this slavish subjection of one sex to the
other. On the contrary, in all the varying so
cial phenomena of life—in the education of
children —in the tone and spirit of literature—
in the customs and usages around us, and in leg
islation also, we find incontestible proofs of the
great comparative elevation of modern woman.
No one can deny that this elevation has been
productive of incalculable benefit to society gen
erally, and to man, in particular. Female influ
ence tends to preserve masculine'life from too
I exclusive utilitarianism and selfishness. Man
is, by nature, harsh and austere —money loving,
and too addicted to its engrossing pursuit.—
Woman is the incarnation of poetry. She cre
i «tes around herself and her companions of our
| sex, an ideal, romantic, moral atmosphere, which
i prevents our daily life from degenerating into a
cold, selfish, and monotonous routine. By the
softness, gentleness, and purity of her nature,
she tempers the violence of men, checks their
cruelties and immoralities, and adds to their
; manners a polish and elegance which, without
! this influence, they would never possess. The
] Sovereign Ruler and Designer of human affairs
doeth all things well, but in no one particular
do we find more striking evidence of His con
summate skill, than in the adaptation of the sexes
to each other, and their mutual dependence.
And if man, arrogant in his intellectual and
physical strength, should trample the weaker
sex into the dust, making of woman but a pup
pet, he disarranges the plan of Providence, and
entails inevitable ruin upon the whole social
fabric.
“Tts woman's smiles that lull onr cares to rest.
Dear woman's charms, that pive to life its zest,
Tis woman's hami, that smoothes affliction's bed.
Wipes the cold sweat and stays the sinking head."
We have now briefly considered the influence
! exerted by women on the moral progress of
society. Let us advance a step farther, and in
quire what inflnence the sex has had upon
intellectual progress. The solution of this ques
tion is attended with considerable intricacy, and
here there is a large margin for difference of
opinion. For in candor it must be admitted that
the great works which have enlightened and
delighted mankind, the most brilliant and ex
quisite productions in poetry, music, sculpture
and painting are the work of men. No woman
has ever yet made a discovery of sufficient im
portance to mark an epoch in the history of
science and of human thought. From such
facts before them, some men have drawn the
disparaging conclusion that women have noth
ing to do with the higher walks of science and
literature; but that they are intended for the
private paths of social and domestic life, which
they are to elevate, purify and beautify by their
virtuous moral influences, leaving intellectual
discoveries to be exclusively followed up by the
sterner and hardier sex. This we apprehend,
to be the opinion of the majority of men; but
there is a minority, who, whilst they do not
believe that the female intellect can ever equal
that of the male sex in strength and comprehen
siveness of grasp, yet accord to women the
power of attaining to great excellence in art and
science, and in this opinion they are fortified
by numerous examples. To get to the core of
this much agitated question, we must remember
that the psychological or mental constitution
of the two sexes is very different Whilst the
female mind is imaginative and ideal, man’s on
the contrary seeks and prefers to deal with facts.
Now no one will quarrel with the high value
set upon facts; they are the basis of knowledge.
But we must also remember, that there are two
mental processes by which we reach the temple
of Truth. One is called Induction, and the
other Deduction. By the first, wo rise from
facts up to general laws—by the latter, we
descend from ideas already existing in the mind
down to facts, these processes of reasoning are
equally interesting and valuable; and any con
clusion we may arrive at, must be strongly cor
roborated, if it can be reached by both of these
methods. Now, women are by nature deductive
in their method of reasoning; the expression is
of almost proverbial authority that while man
toils, working a weary way to his conclusions,
woman seizes hers, as by intuition. A cele
brated physician, Dr. Currie of England, states
in one of his letters, that when a laborer and
his wife came to consult him about their ail
ments, it was always from the woman, that he
gained the clearest and most precise information.
It is on the same principle, that when in a for
eign country, and endeavoring to learn the lang
uage, the women will understand you much
more quickly than the men : It is by deduction
that women, leaving the inductive process to
men, have contributed, and are contributing in
very important measure, to the progress of truth
in the world. Their turn of thought, their habits
of mind, their conversation, and their influence,
insensibly extending over the whole surface of
society,and frequently ramifying through its most
intimate structure, have, more than all other
things put together, conduced to develope the
ideal in man, to bring forth and cultivate in the
stronger and more prosaic sex those germs of
imagination which exist in greater or less pro
portion in the minds of all men.
It is a singular and interesting fact, that most
men of genius have had remarkable mothers,
but not remarkable fathers. Some may say that
this depends on the law of hereditary transmis
sion, but then it may be asked if mental quali
ties can be transmitted by the mother to her
offspring, why may they not be by the father also?
There is no doubt but that hereditary trans
mission is engaged in the matter, but, at the same
time, we must not overlook that great process of
education or development which takes place,
after birth, at the mother’s knee, in the course of
which the habits of thought peculiar to the mo
ther, as a female, act upon and modify the habits
of thought peculiar to the son, as a male. We
must believe that at a very early date, there is
generated a peculiar sympathy between the in
ductive mind of the son, and the deductive mind
of the mother. The intellect of the boy, softened
and elevated by the imaginative powers of the
mother, is preserved from that deterioration to
be feared for the understanding when left to.it
self, and thus the powers of his youthful mind
recoivo a mdre thorough perfect and harmonious
development, than could be effected by any other
means. And thus it is, that the most touching
and sacred form of human love—the purest and
holiest instinct of our nature, is turned into an
engine for the advancement of knowledge, and
the discovery of truth! In other words, while
women, from social circumstances, have been de
barred the right to enter the lists in proper per
son as competitors with men, in the pursuit of
Truth, their influence is exerted and with most
telling effect, in their own unobstrusive sphere.
Maternal influence over the infant, boy, and
young man guides, controls, almost forms the
masculine mind by which the great ends of so
ciety, and the progress of our race are to be achie
ved. While we aver, and set forth in due pro
minence the agency of the inductive labors of
men of facts in carrying on the work of human
improvement, we at the same time maintain that
there is a spiritual and feminine element in our
minds, which often times gives us a glimpse of
the future and urges us to seize troth by antici
pation. The citadel of knowledge has somet : *nes
been taken without stopping to sap the out works,
by the intuitive operation of that feminin- element
in the cultivation of our minds. It were to be
wished that this could be observed more fre
quently. For, vast as human knowledge seems to
be, it yet, comparatively, amounts to nothing.
With all our boasted acqub‘ f ' onß before us, we
may still admit, with thr great Newton, that we
are but infants playing on the infinite shores of
Truth! In this vast outlying field then, which
we and our posterity will have to traverse we
really think that the imagination, and the idea,
will have to play as conspicuous a part, as the
understanding and the fact. Our poetry will
have to sustain our logic, and we will have to
fed as well as argue, in order to make progress.
Those then, who wish well to the enlargement
of our intellectual domain should use every le
gitimate means for developing both the social
and intellectual influence of woman—so that
every resource of the human mind, emotional and
logical, imaginative and ratiocinative, may be
brought rapidly and effectually into action.—
The vivid and enthusiastic powers of woman will
hasten the great progress, and by constant com
bination and co-operation with the matter-of-fact
minds of men, will modify and ameliorate them.
By this coalition of the two sexes, and by this
union of different faculties, tastes and methods,
we shall bo prepared to take the field for the
conquest of knowledge, with a complete and
thorough equipment, in obedience to that prim
eval law, which in the beginning created us male
and female, for our mutual assistance, and com
mon advancement, and ultimate perfection.
FUN, FACT, AND PHILOSOPHY.
“What does cleave mean, papa?” “It means
to stick together." “Does John stick wood to
gether when he cleaves it ?”— ‘ Hem! it means
to separate.' ‘Well, then, pa, does a man sepa
rate from his wife when he cleaves to her ?’ —
‘ Don’t ask foolish questions child.’
A swell in a drawing-room wanting his ser
vant, called out, “ Where is that blockhead of
mine ?” A wit replied, “On your shoulders,
sir.”
Palpitation of the Heart.— Mr. Editor :
The remedy for this uncomfortable affection,
which you mentioned in your February issue,
as recently recommended, viz: “Deep inspirations
and subsequent holding of the breath,” I acci
dentally discovered thirty years ago, and since,
have always used it when necessary.
I mention it not in derogation of its original
ity, but in confirmation of its efficacy.—Corres
pondent Southern Planter.
Two hundred thousand copies of Spurgeon’s
Sermons have been sold in this country.
Tell not all you know; do not all you can ;
believe not all you hear; spend not all you
have.
When Dr. Lyman Beecher was instructing a
class of theological students, one of them put to
him the question, “What if an atheist should say
that there is as much proof of the existence of
several gods, as there is of the existence of
one ?” he replied, “ Don’t enter into any argu
ment with him, for quite likely you may fail to
convince him; but tell him, if his theory is true,
and there are more gods than one, so much the
worse for him P
A sox of Galen, who was very angry when
any joke was passed on physicians, once defend
ed himself from raillery by saying, “I defy any
person whom I ever attended to accuse me of
ignorance, or neglect.” “ That you may do
safely,” replied a wag, “ for you know, doctor,
dead men tell no tales.”
Some lucky chap says if there is a heaven on
earth, it is on a soft couch, with your w ife on one
side, and a smiling baby on the other, a clear
conscience, plenty to eat and a knowledge that
you are out of debt and don’t fear the printer,
tailor, sheriff, or the devil.
The Charleston Courier says that the late fair
of the Ladies’ Calhoun Monument Association
has resulted in netting the amount of six thous
and and fifty dollars.
Tiie Commek id Advertiser says the report of
the Sickles trial sent by telegraph contained one
hundred and fifty-two thousand nine hundred
and forty words, and cost the Associated Press
three thousand six hundred and eighty-two dol
lars and twenty-nine cents. This single item
gives an idea of the sums expended by this Press
Association in procuring the earliest news from
all parts of the country.
Hear with patience, and answer with pre
cision. Inattention shows contempt, and con
tempt is never forgiven. •
lx all arguments, let your aim be to arrive at
the truth; it is a paltry conquest to silence your
opponent by hard words.
Value truth, how ever you come by it. Who
would not pick up a jewel, though it lay in the
gutter?
A laughable circumstance once took place
upon a trial in Lancashire, where a Mr. Wood
was examined as a witness. Upon giving his
name, Ottiwell Wood, the judge, addressing the
reverend jierson, said, “ Pray, Mr. Wood, how
do you spell your name ?” The
replied:
“ 0 double T,
I double U,
K double L,
Double U,
Double 0 D.”
Upon w'hich the astonished lawgiver laid down
his pen. saying it was the most extraordinary
name he had ever met in his life, and after two
or three attempts, declared he was unable to re
cord it. The court was convulsed with laughter.
A traveller writes from Rome that a good
portion of tlie Forum, which used > to ring with the
eloquence of Cicero and Hortensius, is now a
cow-yard.
A building for the education of horse doctors,
is now going u£ in the city of New York, at a
cost of forty thousand dollars.
nE is happy, whose circumstances suit his
temper but he is happier, who can suit his tem
per to liis circumstances.
However certain you may be of anything,
argue with modesty, and never give your opin
ion dogmatically.
Laziness travels so slowly that poverty soon
overtakes her.
It is uncharitable to condemn 100 severely for
faults, without taking into consideration the ster
ling goodness which often-'® l63 mingles with and
lessens them.
•• Marriage reserves a pair of shears, ” says
Sydney Smith, “*> joined' that they cannot be
separated, oftec moving in opposite directions,
yet always vanishing any one who co,mes be
tween the pi-’
“ Ple«*. marm, and w hat shall I do with the
bits of candles ?” “ Take them down stairs and
burr them in the kitchen, Bridget.” Off she
girted. At night, Bridget called the lady, and
asked for a candle for the kitchen. “A candle 1
why, what did you do with those pieces you had
this morning ?” “ Faith, marm, I put them in
the fire, and burned them in the kitchen, as you
told me this morning.”
A Lover’s Conundrum. —“ Why,” said a lov
er to his mistress, “are you like that king el”
“ Can’t even guess.” “ Because you are some
thing to a door (adore)." She cut his acquain
tance immediately, w'hich, we surmise, consid
erably unhinged him.
If you wish that your own merit should be
recognised, recognise the merit of others.
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