Newspaper Page Text
CALHOUN TIMES
p. B. FREEMAN, Proprietor.
circulates'extensively in
Gordon and Adjoining Counties.
Office: Wail St., Southwest of Court House.
RATES OF SUBSCRIPTION.
One Year $2.00
Six Months 1.00
%Itulfo ad
Western & Atlantic Railroad
AND ITS CONNECTIONS.
‘ • KENXBSA W HO TJTE.”
The following takes effent may 23d, 1875
NORTHWARD. No. 1.
Leave Atlanta 4.10 p.m
Arrive Cartersviile 6.14 li
Kingston 6.42 “
“ Dalton 8.24 “
“ Chattanooga 10.25 “
No. 3
Leave Atlanta 7.00 a.m
Arrive Cartersviile 9.22 ~
“ Kingston 9.56
“ Dalton 11.54 “
Chattanooga 1.56 r.M
No. 11.
Leave Atlanta 3,30 p.m
Arrive Cartersviile 7.19 “
“ Kingston -v 8.21 “
“ Dalton 11.18 “
SOUTHWARD. No. 2.
Leave Chattanooga 4.00 p.m
Arrive Dalton 5.41 “
“ Kingston 7,28 “
“ Cartersviile 8.12 “
“ Atlanta 10.15 “
No. 4.
1 er ve Chattanooga 5.00 a.m
Anive Dalton 7.01 "
“ Kingston 9.0', ‘
“ Cartersviile . .... 9.42 “
“ Atlanta 12 06 •’.m
No. 19.
I •ft've Dalton 1.00 a.m
Ari e Kingston 4.19 '•
‘ Cartersviile 5.18 “
“ Atlanta 9.20 “
nil nan Palace Cars run o i Nos. 1 and 2
bet vcci New Orleans and Baltimore.
I oilman Palace Cars run on Nos. 1 and 4
bet . een Atlanta and Nashvilie.
} ullmm Palace Cars run on Nos. 2 and 3
itweer Louisville and Atlanta.
No change of cars between New Or
lears, A )b : le, Montgomery, Atlanta and
Baltimore, and only one change to New
York.
Pissengnrs leaving Atlanta at 4.10 p. m.,
arm e in New York the second afternoon
ther after at 4.00.
E\cursion tickets to the Virginia springs
and various summer resorts will be on sale
in N w Orleans, Mobile, Montgomery, Co
lumbus, Mac >n, Savannah, Augusta and At
lanta, at gi catly reduced rates, first ot
June
Parties desiring a whole car through to
he A irginia Sorings or Baltimore, should
address the unlersigned.
Pa ties contemplating travel should send
f,,r a copy of the Kennesaw Route Gazette,
■jontn ning schedules, ete.
Ask for Ticket* *ia “ Kennesaw
' ° U,( B. W. WRENN,
G. P. & T. A., Atlanta, Ga.
i’votcssionat & gnsiiwss ©arils.
J I>. TINLTEY,
Watch-Maker & Jeweler,
CALHOUN , aA.
All styles of Clocks, Wat ekes and Jewelry
jicatlr repaired and warranted.
K. 31A 1 31,13.
PRACTICING PHYSICIAN,
Having permanently located in ( allioun
offers his professional services to the pub
lic. Will attend calls when not profession
ally engaged. Office over B. M. & C. C.
Harlan’s. a P r^
BarbeiT shop.
hair-cutting,
SIIAYING,
SHAMPOOING,
Hair-dyeing, and ail work in my line done
in a manner sure to give satisfaction at my
shop in rear of 11. M. Jackson’s store.
MACK LAW.
.T. 8. McCBKARY,
JACKSONVILLE, ILL.,
Breeder and shipper of the celebrated
POLAND CHINA HOGS.
OF THE BEST QUALITY.
Send for price list and circular,
feblti 6m.
Fisk’s Patent Metalic
BURIAL CASES.
Having purchased the stock of Boaz &
Barrett, which will constantly be added to
a full range of sizes can always be found at
he old stand of Reeves & Malone.
declo-Gra.. T. A. EO TER.
Brick-Layer & Contractor.
THE undersigned most respectfully begs
leave to inform the citizens of Calhoun
aad surrounding country that, having pro
inured the aid of Mr. Hilburn as a number
owe bricklayer and Barrey u’Fallon as a
number one rock-mason, .3 prepared to do
all work in t is line in the most satisfactory
manner and on moderate terms. The pat
ronage of the public generally solicited.
HENRY M. BILLIIIMER.
Calhoun, Ga., November 9, 1875.
All orders addressed to me as above will
receive prompt attention. novlO-ly
To the Pubic.
HAVING purchased the establishment pre
viously owned and conducted by D. T.
r’.s;y, I am prepared so do all kinds of work
in the
BOOT AND SHOE LINE
in the style and at pricos as*onishingly
low, on short notice. Repairing also done
with neatness and dispatch. I respectfully
solicit the patronage of my friends and the
üblic generally. Terms invariabl* cash,
especially. W. C. DUFFEY.
piayl7-tf. Successor to l). T. E^py.
CALHOUN TIMES.
Two Dollars a Year.
VOL. VI.
CHEAPEST AND BEST!
HOWARD
HVDRAIILIC MIT!
MANUFACTURED NEAR KINGSTON,
BARTOW COUNTY, GEORGIA.
Equal to the best imported Portland Cement.
Send for Circular. Try this before
buying elseichcre.
Refers by permission to Mr. A. J. West
President of Cherokee Iron Company, Polk
county, Georgia, who has built a splendid
darn across Cedar Creek, using this cement,
and pronouncing it the best he ever used.
Also refer to Messrs. Smith, Son & Bro., J.
E. Veal, F. J. Stone. J. J. Cohen and Major
Tom Berry, Rome, Georgia, Major 11. Bry
an, of Savannah, T. C. Douglas, Superin
tendent of Masonry, East River Bridge,
New \ ork, Gen. Win. Mcßae, Superintend
ent W. & A. Railroad, Capt. J. Postell, C.
E. Address
G. H. WARING, Kingston, Ga
octl3l y.
Hygienic Institute i
IF YOU would enjoy the
fID l\!F| mos * delightful luxury; if
111 l/I Ifll you woubthespeedily,cheap
iHwllill/ ly, pleasantly and perma
nently cured of all Inflam
matory, Nervous, Constitu
tional and Blood Disorders
if you have Rheumatism,
Scrofula, Dyspepsia, Bron
chitis, Catarrh, Diarrhoea,
Dysentery, Piles, Neuralgia,
Paralysis, Disease of the
Kidneys, Genitals or Skin,
Chill and Fever, or other
Malaria] Affections ; if you
would be purified from all
Poisons, whether from Drugs
or Disease; if you would
[T|I 1)17. * have Beauty, Health and
IS IVlSll Long Life, go to the Hygien
*■ ic Institute,and use Nature’s
Great*Remedies,the Turkish
Bath, the “Water-cure Pro
cesses,’* tLe “Movement
cure,” Electricity and other
Hygienic agents. Success
is wonderful—curing all cu
rable eases. If not able to
go and take board, send full
nccount of your case, and
get directions for treatment
at home. Terms reasona
ble. Location, corner Loyd
and Wall streets, opposite
VI 1 fT)I| | Passenger Depot, Atlanta,
***■* 111 • Jno. SxAINBACK WILBON,
Physician-in-Charge.
Awarded the Highest Medal at Vienna.
E. & H. T ANARUS: ANTHONY & CO.,
591 Broadway, New York.
(Opp. Metropolitan Hotel.)
Manufacturers, Importers & Deal
ers in
CHROMOS AND FRAMES,
Stereoscopes and Views,
Albums, Graphoscopes an l suitable views,
Photographic Materials,
We are Headquarters for everything in the
way of
Stereoscopticons and Magic
Lanterns,
Being manufacturers of the
Micro- Scien t ific Lan tern,
Stereo-Panopticon,
Un iversity-Stereoscopticon,
Advertiser’s Stereoscopticon ,
J rtopticon,
Schorf Lantern , Family Lantern,
People’s Lantern.
Each style being the best of its class in the
market.
Catalogues of Lanterns and Slides with
directions for using sent on application.
Any enterprising man can make money
with a magic lantern.
flfeg“Cutout this advertisement for refer
ence.sep29-9m
T. M. EX-LIS’-
LIVTRY & SALE STABLE.
Good >ddle aud Buggy Horse?
and New Vehicles.
Horses and mules for sale.
Stock fed and cared for.
Charges will be reasonable
Will pay the cash for corn in the ear and
c odder in the bundle. feb3-tf.
Manhood: How Lost How Restored.
jriaTWtm J'ist published, anew edition
£ Dr. Colverwell's Celebra
iKwr tod Essay on the radical cure
(without medicine) of Si*ebmatobrh<ea or
Seminal Weakness, Involuntary Seminal
Losses, Impotknct, Mental and Physical In
capacity, impediments to marriage, etc.,
also, Consumption, Epilepsy and Fits, in
duced by self-indulgance orseiual extrava
gance, &c.
gfcgfPrice, in a sealed envelope, only six
cents.
The celebrated author, in this admirable
essay, clearly demonstrated, from a thirty
years’ successful practica, that the alarming
dangerous use of internal medicine or the
application of the knife; pointing out a
mode of cure at once simple, certain and
effectual, by means of which every sufferer,
no matter what his condition may be, may
cure himtelf cheaply, privately, and radi
ablly. ,
ggjyThis lecture should be in the hands ol
every youth and cvey man in the land.
gent under seal, in a plain envelope, to
any address, j oat-paid, on receipt of six cents
or two postage stamps.
Address the publishers,
F. BMJGMAN & SON
St., Njw York ; Post Oflic,
CALHOUN, GA., WEDNESDAY, JUNE 14, 1876.
AS YE DID IT.
Th rough the bleak and dreary street,
Where the cold wind* keenly blow,
See a child with bare, chill’d feet,
Wand Ting on mid ice and snow ;
Houseless, homeless—God’s own word
Shall its precious comfort be,
“As ye did it unto these
Ye have done it unto me.”
In an attic cold and bare,
’Mid the dropping of the rain,
Bee a woman gaunt and wan,
Stitch from morn till morn again,
Fainting, famished—Christian man,
Does not God appeal to thee,
“Asy* did unto these,
Ye have done it unto me.”
When you pass the orphan by
With averted look of scorn;
While the lone one toils and sighs*
Faint and weak from morn to morn,
Think there soon shall come a day,
When thy God shall say to thee,
“As ye did it unto these,
Ye have done it unto me.’'
A KISS ON DEMAND.
It was a very peculiar sound, some
thing like the popping of a champagne
cork, something like the report of a
small pocket pistol, but exactly like
nothing but itself. It was a kiss.
A kiss implies too parties —unless it
be one of those symbolic kisses produc*
ed by one pair of lips, and wafted
through tho air in token of affection or
admiration. But this particular kiss
was genuine. The parties in the case
were Mrs. Phebe Mayflower, the newly
married wife of honest Tom Mayflower,
gaidenor to Mr. Augus us Scatterly,
and that young gentleman himself.—
Augusta was a good-hearted, rattle
brained spendthrift, who had employed
two or three yeais which had elapsed
since his majority in “making ducks
and drakes” of the pretty little fortune
left him by his defunct sire. There
was nothing very bad about nim, ex
cepting his prodigal habits, and by
these he was the severest sufferer. Tom,
his gardener, had been married a few
weeks, and Gus, who bad failed to be at
the wedding, and missed the opportuni
ty of “saluting the bride,’’ took it into
his head that it was both proper and po
like that he should do so on the first oc
casion of his meeting her subsequent to
the interesting ceremony. Mrs. May*
flower, the other party interested in the
case, differed from him in opinion, and
the young landlord kissed her in spite
of herself. But she was not without a
champion, for at the precise moment
when Scatterly placed his audacious lips
in contact with the blooming cheek of
Mrs. M., Tom entered the garden and
beheld the outrage.
“What are you doing of, Mr. Scatter
ly 7” he roared.
“Q, nothing, Tom, but asserting my
rights ! I was only saluting the bride.’’
“Against my will, Tommy,” said the
bride, blushing like a peony, and wiping
the offending cheek with her checked
apron.
“And I’ll make you pay dear for it,
if there’s law in the land,” said Tom.
“Poh, poh ! don’t make a fool of
yourself,” said Scatterly.
“I don’t mean to,” answered the gar
dener dryly.
“You are not offended at the innocent
liberty I took V*
“Yes I be,” said Tom.
“Well, if you view it in the that
light,” answered Scatterly, “I shall feel
bound to make you reparation. You
shall have a kiss from my bride, when
I’m married.”
“That you never will be.”
“I must confess,” said Scatterly,
laughing, “the prospects of repayment
seem rather distant. But who knows
what will happen? I may not die a
bachelor, after all. And if I marry—
I repeat it, my dear fellow—you shall
have a kiss from my wife.”
“No he shan’t,” said Phebe. “He
shall kiss nobody but me.”
“Yes he shall,” said Scatterly.—
“Have you got pen, ink, and paper,
Tom ?”
“To be sure,” answered the gardener.
“Here they be, all handy.”
Scatterly sat down and wrote as fol\
lows:—
“The Willows, August—, 18—.
“Value received, I promise to pay
Thomas Mayflower or order, one kiss on
demand.
“Augustus Scatterly.”
“There you have a legal document,”
said the young man, as he handed the
paper to the grinning gardener. “And
now, good folks, good bye.”
“Mistakes will happen in the best
regulated families,” and so it chanced
that, in the autumn of the same year,
our bachelor met at the Springs a charm,
ing belle of Baltimore, to whom he lost
his heart incontinently. His person and
address were attractive and though Lis
prodigality had impared his fortune, still
a rich maiden aunt, who doted on him,
Miss Persimmon Verjuice,promised to do
the haudsome thing by him on oondU
tion of his marrying and settling quieU
ly to the management of his estate. So,
under the circumstances, he proposed,
was aocepted, and married, and brought
him his Deautiful young bride to reside
with Miss Verjuice at *he willows.
In the early days of the honeymoon,
one fine morning when Mr. and Mrs.
Scatterly and the maiden aunt were
walking together in the garden, Tom
Mayflower, dressed in his best, made his
appearance, wearing a smile of most
peculiar meaning.
“Julia,” said Augustus, carelessly, to
his youEg bride, “this is my gardener,
come to pay his respects to you-^honest
Tom Mayflower, a very worthy fellow I
assure you.”
Mrs. Scatterly nodded condescending-*
•'Truth Conquers All Things.”
ly to the gardener who gazed upon fier
with open eyes of anmiration. Stie
spoke a few words to bim, inquired
about his wife, his flowers, &c., and
then turned away w ith the aunt, as if to
terminate the interview.
But Tom could not tako his eyes off
her, and be stood gaping and admiring,
and every now and then passing the
back of his hand across his lips.
“What do you think of my choice,
Tom ?” asked Scatterly confidentially.
“O, splendifferous I”
“lioses and lillies in her cheek—eh 7”
said Scatterly.
“Her lips are red as carnations, and
her eyes are blue as larkspurs,” said the
gardoner.
“I’m glad yon like your new mis
tress; now go to work, Tom.”
“I beg pardon, Mr. Scatterly; but I
called to see you on business*”
“Well—out with it.”
“Do you remember anything about
saluting the bride.”
“I remember I paid the ous'omary
homage to Mrs. Mayflower.”
“Well, doon’t you remember what
you promised in case of your marri
age 7”
“No l”
Tom produced the promissory note
with a grin of triumph. “It’s my turn
now, Mr, Scatterly.”
“What do you mean 7”
“I mean to kiss Mrs. Scatterly.”
“Go to the djuce, you rascal!”
“0, what’s the matter 7” exclaimed
both the ladies startled by Scatterly’s
exclamation, and turning pack to learn
the cause.
“This fellow has preferred a demand
against me.” said Scatterly.
“A legal demand,” said the gardeii
er, sturdily; “and here’s the doki
ment.
“Give it to me,” said the maidon
aunt. Tom handed it to her with an air
of triumph.
“Am I right?” said he.
“Perfectly, young mao,” replied Miss
Verjuice; only when my nephew mar
ried, I assumed all his debts ; and I
am now ready to pay all your claim.”
“Fairly trapped, by Jupiter !” ex
claimed Scatfceily in an eestacy of de
light.
“Stop, stop !” cried the unhappy gar
dener, recoiling from the withered face,
bearded lip, and sharp nose of the an.
cient spinster; “ I relenquish my
claim— I’ll write a receipt in full.”
“No sir,” said Scatterly; “you press
ed me for payment this mooment —and
you shall take your pay, or I discharge
you from my employ.”
“I am ready,” said the spinster,
meekly.
Tom shuddered—crawled up to the
old lady—shut hi* eyes—made up a
a horrible face, and kissed her, while
Mr. and Mrs. S. stood by, convulsed
with laughter.
Five minutes afterwards, Tom enter
ed the gardener’s lodge, pale, weak, and
trembling, sank into a chair.
“Give me a glass of water Phebe!”
he gasped.
“Dear, what has happened 7” asked
the little woman.
“Happened ! why that cussed Miss
Verjuice : s paying Mr. Scatterly’e
debts.”
“Well ?”
“Well, I presented my promissory
note—he handed it to her—and—and
—O murder !— l’ve been kissing the old
tvotnan.”
Phebe threw her arms about h’s neck,
and pressed her lips to his, and Thom-
Mayflower then and there solemnly
promised that ho would nevermore have
any thing to d:> with Kisses on De*
mand !
More Astonished than Hart.
How it feels to he treated politely
for the first time in one’s life may be
inferred from such an incident as this :
The other evening a young lady ab
ruptly turned a corner, and very rude
ly ran against a boy, who was small and
ragged aud freckled. Stopping as soon
as she could, she turned to him and
said :
“I beg your pardon. Indeed, lam
very sorry.”
The small, ragged and freokled boy
looked up in blank amazement for an
instant, then taking off about three
fourths of a cap, be bowed very low,
smiled uutil his face became lost in the
smile, said :
“You can hev my pardon and wel*
come mis* ; and you ean run agin, me
knock mo clean down and I won't say a
word !”
After the voung ladv had passed on,
he turned to a friend and said, half
apologetically:
“I never had one to ask my parding,
and it kind o' took me off my feet.”
A patriotio Detroiter has mapped out
his prograhmme for the fourth of July
and will adhere to it as striotly as cir
cumstances permit. It reads:
“Stay up all night to be 0. K. for a
national sa'ute at sunrise. 'Bah for Lib
erty ! Take a drink.
“Form in front of the Hall at 10 ▲.
M. and go buy some lemons for the
children. Lager this time.
“Grand salute with fried eggs. Le
monade all arouud. Also some nice ham.
Ginger beer is what makes a man love
his conntry.
“Lick Jim Davis in tbe afternoon.—
P’leece no better’n you are on the glo*
rious Fourth. Brandy is awful good.
“No shoving a lawn-mower around af
ter supper. Go’n sie the fire-works.—
Don’t stand back for nobody. Yell some.
Tate rum if anything. Holler. Don’t go
home till you see the old year out. —
Hah !’ - *■
AN AUSTRALIAN LOVESTOItV.
Why Westley. now a Qniet Citi
zen ot Sau Francisco, Became
a Bushranger, aud the Result.
Westley was impelled to the career ol
bushranger, mainly by r desire of rev
erance and love of adventure. He was
brought up in Jhe saddle, and was a
first-rate horseman and stock rider from
the time ho was able to crack a whip
Australia being overrun with cattle, a
loose freedom prevailed of branding oth
er people's stock, and Westley took the
fatal step and branded some, too. This
was his first transgression, and into it
he was led by his love for his master’s
daughter, a girl of som sixteen sum
mers who returned his passion but was
restrained from openly avowing it
through fear of her parents He hoped
by this unlawtul means to make mon
ey and then claim her hand.
“What do you think 7” she said to
him one evening as they sat at supper.
“What do you think 7”
“What is it?” he asked.
“They want me to marry old Brown.’
Westley turned pale. He put down
his knife and fork. He had had sup**
per for that evmi g. The ma’de
smiled.
“Go on with your supper,” she said;
“d))0U think I’d marry a man old
enough to be my father 7”
“He’z rich,” gawped her lover, “and
has sheep and cattle by tho thousand.”
“Oh, wo shall have sheep and cattle
when old Brown is dead,” she playfuli)
added, as she tripped away in answer to
uer mother’s call.
Westley was met by a stockrider, a
companion of his boyhood, who was like
himself, going to muster thecatteol
his employer. After chatting some time,
his mate told him of a neighboring
stockrider who had branded some oth
er people’s cattle for himself, “ and
what,” said ke “is to prevent us from
doing the same 7” He had unconscious
ly touched a responsive chord, for some
thing of the same kind was passing
Westley’s own mind not long bofore.—
That very day operations were begun,
and several other men’s cattle were
branded. The work wont bravely on for
several months,and Westley stood a fair
chance of becoming a cattle owner of
some consequence, when, one day, as
the hopeful young fellows were carral
ing and branding, who should ride up
but one Brown and one or two other
settlers whose cattle were being branded.
His companions escaped, but Westley
was arrested and handed over into cus
tody. He was duly tried and convicted,
and sentenced to five years’ penal ser
vitude with hard labor in hor Majesty’s
jail in Sydner. In jail he worked so
hard that ere long he had to be sent to
the hospital.
It was while a patient that Wesley
formed the resolution of bee ming a
bushranger. When convalescent and
daily expecting to be ordered back to
his gang, he contrived to make his es
cape. The very first evening after es
caping he happened into a cottage on
Brickfield hill, Sydney, where he ob
tained a changc 4 of apparel from the wo->
man of the house, a fowling piece and
some ammunition t lat were suspended
over the mantle piece. Promising to
pay for thorn some day he started away.
Before ho bad gone a mile no the
road a horseman splendidly mounted ap
proached. When Westly pointed his
gun and ordered him to dismount and
deliver, the order was instantly obeyed
The brigand mounted. Tho high*met
tied steed impatiently champed the
bit, the rider gave him rein, and both
wore forty miles from Sydney by mid
night, in the dark recesses of the Blue
Mountains.
Of tho five years for which he was
sentenced he served only eighteen
months. Meantime Susan, his sweet
heart, had been married to old Browu.
It was hard news, and he was prostra
ted for several days. She must be in
formed of his escape, Jhowever, and a
messenger m ist be sent to ask for him
her forgiveness. This at least wa3 due
to himself and might be some satisfao
tion to her.
Two days after this, a “swagsman” or
tramp called at Brown’s and asked that
worthy for a job of work. Mr. Brown
had no work for him, but as it was late
in the evening he hade the man stay and
rest himself ail night, according to the
custom of the country. The man put
down his swa'g and weut into the kitch
en, as invited, fcusan, Brown’s young
bride, was in and out preparing supper,
directing things generally lor the fami
ly and one or two guest3. The old
swagsman, watching his opportunity,
slipped a note from Wesley into her hand,
to the effect that ho was sorry for hav
ing given her pain, askiug her forgive,
ness before quitting that part of the
country forever, and adding that if she
desired further intelligence the bearer
could furnish it. Half an hour after
ward, Mrs. Brown returned to the
kitchen. Her eyes>ere red; she had
been weeping. The family were at sup.
per inside. The old man and herself
were alone.
“Tell me about him,” she ssid.
“Vot here; not now,” replied the old
man.
“Then in the orchard, by afid by.
when I give you the signal,” she saidj
and vanished inside.
The signal was given when sup per
was over, and his guests were drinking
hot brandy an i water. The old man
glided out and nret her.
“I want to know if he if he thinks of
old times,” she said.
“You have read his letter.”
“It is so short!”
“Would you wish to see him ?”
“Of ail men in, the world !’’
1 fas cdd* man whistled. Iu less than
five minutes Westley stood before her.
t3y break of day next morning she was
with Westley in the Gundngai ranges.
Westley lived the life of a bushran
ger for some Years, but was at length
caught aud again imprisoned, and after
his pardon he sailed for San Francisco,
where he has ied a quiet life for a num
ber of years.
A Rustic Courtship.
I bitched mp cher close to hern an
sliet my eyes an’ sed :
‘ Sal, you’re the very gal I've bin
hankerin arter fur a long time. I luv
you all over from the s ul of y. ur heal
to the crown of your foot, au’ 1 don’t
keer who kuos’ it; an’ ef you say so
wc 11 bo jiued iu the holy bounds of pad
lock. Kpluribus onio: s. gloria Moo*
day morniug, sick temper tartantula B
non compimentus, world without end,’"
sed, I, au’ I felt as tho’ I lad
cd hke an alligator, I felt so reliev
ed
With that she fetched a scream an’
arter awhile she sed :
“Peter 1”
“What is it Sally?”
‘‘Yes, ’ she sed hiding her fuco in her
apron.
You may depend upon it, I felt orfui
good.
“Glory ! glory !” sez TANARUS, “1 must hoi.
ler, Sal, or I’ll bust’ wide opin Hoo
ray ! hooray! I can jump over a ten rail
fence; I can do anything a feller could
Jo.”
W ith th s, 1 sorter sloshed myself
down beside her and clinched the bar
gain with a kiss. Talk lasses, talk about
your nite-blooming serious they warn’t
□o whar’; you couldn’t ’er trot me me
ni”em; they would have tasted sour ar
ter that.
Broomßtraws with lasses on ’em ! Ef
Sal’s old daddy han’t bawled out so loud:
“It 4 s time all honest people waz in
bed,"l do really believe I’d stayed all
nite.
A Frog Barometer.
A police station iu St. Louis has a
trustworthy weather prophet. It is a
frog of the genius Hyla , induced to act
as a barometer by a policeman, an old
frontiersman:
lie took a glass jar. and threw into it
some stones and a couple of inches of
water. Then he whittled out a little
woodtw ladder, and put in the jar. Af
ter same live’y scrambling a tree-toad
was caught, chucked in, and a tin top
screwed on. Tho weather indicator
was complete. When it is going io
be fair weather the toad rests on the.
top round of the ladder silently blink .
ing the hours away.
Frum twelve to fifteen hours before a
change of bad weather, the “ General ”
as they cull him, begins to climb down,
and honr3 before a storm sets in. he
squats himself on a stone, and, with his
head just abv>ve the surface of the wa
ter, peers aloft at the coming storm. —
Let the weather be changing and “shift
ing,” as “Old Prob” says, and the toad
goes up and down the ladder like a
soared middy.
\Y hen it is fair, and the toad roosts
aloft, his skin is of a light grayish greeu.
W hen tho change comes, the skin turns
as the toad goe3 dowii the ladder, be
ing a jet shining black by the time it
reaches bottom.
Men We Dou’t W r nnt to Meet.
The man who grunts and gasps as ho
gobbles up his soup and at every other
mouthful seems threatened with a chok*.
ing fit.
The man who having by accident been
once thrown in company makes bold to
bawl your name out and shake your hand
profusely when you pass him on the
streets.
The man who artfully provokes you
to play a game of billiards with him
though ho feigns to be a novice produ
ces his own chalk.
The man who can’t sit at your table
on any set occasion without getting
on his legs to propose some stupid
toast.
The man who thinking you are musi
cal, bores you with his notions on
the music of the future of which
you know ae littio as the music of the
spheres
The man who with a look of urgent
business when you are in a huisy takes
you by the button hole to tell you a
bad joke.
The mau who sitting behind you at
the opera destroys your enjoyment by
hun rniug the air.
The man who lards his talk with lit
tle scraps of French and German after
his return from a continental tour.
“I’m babbie a heep o' trouble wid
sleeplessness dese uites,” remarked an
old darkey at the suburban end. of State
street the other day.
“Ho-ho, I reckons I knows all 'bout
dat,” myself said another standing near
by.
“Yo’ knows noffin —dat’s what yo’
knows/’ replied the man.
“Sartin Ido knows euthin’,” chuck
led the other ; “ I knows well 'nuff da*
you can’t sleep o’ nights, an' sides I
knows dat yo’ neighbo’s can’t nebber ef
dey’s got any chickens 1”
A beneficial strike—striking a
job.
A truism : An expensive wife makes
a pensive husband
Ilie good Samaritan stopped at the
sound ot woe : so doc# a good horse.
In Advance.
NO. 41.
llntes of Adveritsing.
*y For each square of ten lines or less
for the first insertion, sl, and for each sub
sequent insertion, fifty cents.
No.iSq rs | 1 Mo. | 3 Mo*. J t) Mot | 1 year,
fivo $4.00 $7.00 I sl2.btT] S2IXOO
Four “ 0.00 10.00 | 18.00 35.00
J column . 16.00 i 26.00 40.00
\ “ | 16.00 25.00 j 40.00 05.00
l | 25.00 40 00 f | 05.10 115.00
Sheriff's Sales, eacli levy $4 00
Application for Homestead 2 OO
Notice to Debtors ami Creditors 4 00
Land Sales, one square 4 oo
Each additional square 3 00
Not Tliut Bind of a .llaa.
liev. l)r. P. the other day found a
pack of cards iu the possesion of his
oldest boy and after giving lad a tluash*
iu for owniug such eu. ine& ul iSatuii I he
doctor placed" the cards in his uwn
pocket intending to destroy them at the
first opportunity. Put he forgot he
abuui’em and subsequently white in the
ears uu the way to the city, he pulled
out his handkerchief and tlm curds
came ou with it and fell upon the Hour.
The doctor gathered them up with a
very red face aud while he was arrang
ing them in his haud he saw a ruu"b
lojking man in his seat opposite to him
wink at him. lie turn his bead his
but upon looking around a
moment later the man wPkaguiu at him.
I hen he winked several times
and finally lie came over aud sitting
down by the side of the doctor he said :
“I say parduer, what’s your little
game ?”
“I don't understand you sir,” replied
the doctor.
“Oh, you needn’t mind me,” said the:
man, “I’m doirg a little at dial thing
uiyscll. Now sir, how do you work
it?”
“ What do yon meau ? Ilow do I
work what
“Oh, you know well enough. What
do you skin’em on ?”
“Sk.n them ! Skin who ? Really sir,
your remarks are incotnproheusible to
me.” *
‘ 4 Now see here, understindjhe whole
thing; Y ou’re hunting somebody to
play seven up with, and you intend to
beat en out ol thoir money. Now and n’t
you.”
“Your and n’t know who you arc talk**
ing ta.”
_Theres no man on this earth that kin
turn jacks faster’n l kin ; and less me
and you start up a game on some of
these fellers, aud I’ll run three or four
jacks up my deeves with a couple of aces
maybe und when we get to town, we'll
divide the profits and go down and git
roaring drunk to tho tavern. Is it a
bargain ?
“You are a scoundrel s.r ! exclaimed
the doctor. “Let me chango my seat,
if y<m please.”
“Won’t do it? Won’t club ia with
me ard try a few games ?”
“Gent.inly not sir.”
“Won’t lend me them jack to nut in-*
my sleeve ?”
“You seen to forget that I am a cler
gyman, sir?”
“A cler— lOh no. \ou den t mean
to say that that—you aint’ a preach
er ?”
“T es, sir, I am. lam the Ilcv. Dr
P”
“Too bad ! too bad ! Believe mo if I
didn't think you was one of these fellers
who play cards on the cars to gouge
greenhorns out of their money. You
look like one anyway, now don’t you ?
And what are you doing with that pack
old man, hey ? Would you mind i! I
showed you how to run’ern over eo’%
when you- play they can’t fool you? I’ll
doit for nothing.”
Then Dr. Potts went into the hind' 1
car and got off at the next station.—
When he got home he gave that bov of
his a couple of extra floggings iu order
to ease his feelings.
What a Wif© Should be. •
Au elderly bachelor’s alphabet of re
quisites for a wife : A wife should be.
Amiable, affectionate, artloss, aflablo
accomplished.
Beautiful, benevolent.
Chste, civil constanat.
Dutiful dignified,
Elegant, easy, engaging, entertain
ing.
Faith foi and, fruitless free.
Good, graceful generous, governable'-
good-humored,
Handsome harmless, healthly heaven
ly; minded.
Intelligent, interesting industrious
ingenious.
J ust.
Kind.
Lively liberal love.
Modest merciful.
Neat notable.
Obedient oblfeintr.
O tJ
Pretty pleasing peaceable.
Queenly quick.
Kighfceous.
Bociable, submissivi sensible. -■
Temperate true
U übane.
Virtuous.
Wei formed. .
'Xcellent.
Young.
Zealous.
Kilpatrick was once making a
speech. He -said c “I’v© got a bullet
in my leg. I know the Southerners.—
1 ve licked them for four yearsj and. *
I can lick them again. ■ If there is one
here let.him say so. A big fellow im *
mediately stepped upon the stage.—
“Don’t interrupt my speech,” said K.il
—
Pinlls who gets half-seas-over oa>
three schooners oi beer, calls himself
an ameteur yachtsman.— fianburu /
News.
• . —_
Marriage b described by a French •
critic as a tiresome book with a very fine o
preface.
j
■
The difference between an overcoat
and a baby is one you wear and the oth- -
er you were.
Crusty says that the list of marri
ages in the newspapers o g’lt to he put
under the bead of “Bing frauds