Newspaper Page Text
CALHOUN TIMES
p. B. FREEMAN, Proprietor.
CIRCULATES EXTENSIVELY IN
Gordon and Adjoining Counties.
Office: Wall St., Southwest of Court House.
RATES OF SUBSCRIPTION.
One Year 52.00
Six Months 1.00
gaißoafl cStludule.
Western & Atlantic Railroad
AND ITS CONNECTIONS.
• • gJSNinSSA W BO VTM.”
The following takes effect may 23d, 1875
NORTHWARD. No. I.
Leave Atlanta 4.10 p.m
Arrive Cartersville....* 6.14 *
Kingston........ 6.42 “
Da1t0n.......:* 8.24 “
•< Chattanooga....... ....10.26 ¥
No. 3.
Leave At1anta...........;.... 7.00 a.m
Arrive 9.22 ~
“ Kingston 9.66
u DalUm,, :...*...11.54 “
Chattanooga ..-.q. ;1.56 p.m
No. 11.
Leave Atlanta 1 i 3,30 b#m
Arrive Cartcrsville 1|?.19 “
" Kingston
u Dalton 11.18 “
SOUTHWARD. No. 2.
7,eave Chattanooga 4.00 p.m
Arrive Dalton... 5.41 “
11 Kingston 7,28 “
Cartersville 8.12 “
•* Atlanta 10.16 “
No. 4.
1 enve Chattanooga 6.00 a.m
Anive Dalton 7.01 '*
“ Kingston 9.0 V ‘
" Cartersville 9.42 “
“ Atlanta 12 06 *.m
No. 12.
Lcß\e Dalton 1.00 a.m
Ari e Kingston 4.19 *•
“ Cartersville 5.18 “
“ Atlanta 9.20 “
"ull’nan Palace Oars run o;i Nos. 1 and 2
between New Orleans and Baltimore.
I ullman Palace Cars run on Nos. 1 and 4
between Atlanta and Nashvilie.
1 ullman Palace Cars run on Nos. 2 and 3
xtwecr Louisville and Atlanta.
No change of cars between New Or
leans, M )bile, Montgomery, Atlanta and
Baltimore, and only one change to New
York.
Pisscngjrs leaving Atlanta at 4.10 i\ m.,
arrive in New York the second afternoon
ther after at 4.00.
Excursion tioket.B to the Virginia springs
and various summer resorts will be on sale
in New Orleans, Mobile, Montgomery, Co
lumbus, Macon, Savannah, Augusta and At
lanta, at gieatly reduced rates, first of
June.
Parties desiring a whole car through to
he \ irgima Springs or Baltimore, should
address the unlersigned.
IV ties contemplating travel should send
for a copy of the Kennesaw Route Gazette,
conta ning schedules, etc.
Ask for Ticket* via “Kennesaw
1 outc.”
B. W. WRENN,
G. P. & T. A., Atlanta, Ga.
J I>. TINL.TEY,
Watch-Maker & Jeweler,
CALHOUN ; aA.
All styles of Clocks, Watches and Jewelry
ncatl*' repaired and warranted.
IT K. MAIN M,L>.
PRACTICING PHYSICIAN,
Raving permanently located in Calhoun
offers his professional services to the pub
lic. Will attend calls when not profession
ally engaged. Office over B. M. * C. C.
Harlan’s, pv7
BARBER SHOP
HAIRCUTTING,
SHAVING,
SHAMPOOING,
Hair-dyeing, and all work in my line done
in a manner sure to give satisfaction at my
shop in rear of 11. M. Jackson’s store.
MACK LAW.
j. s. McCreary
JACKSONVILLE, ILL.,
Breeder and shipper of the celebrated
POLAND CHINA HOGS.
OF THE BEST QUALITY.
tgk, Send for price list and circular.
cbl6 6m.
Fisk’s Patent Metalic
Ig^^,
Having purchased the stock of Boaz &
Barrett, which will constantly bo added to
a full range of sizes can always be found at
he old stand of Reeves & Malone.
Brick-Layer & Contractor.
fpilE undersigned most respectfully begs
L leave to inform the citizens of Calhoun
tad surrounding country that, having pro
cured the aid of Mr. llilburn as a number
one bricklayer and Barney O’Fallon as a
number one rock-mason, is prepared to do
all work in b is line in the most satisfactory
manner and on moderate terms. The pat
ronage of the public generally solicited.
HENRY M. BILLHIMER.
Calhoun, Ga., November 9, 1875.
All orders addressed to me as above will
ceive pronpt attention. novlJUky_
To the Pubic.
XI AVING purchased the establishment pi e
ilviously owned and conducted by D. T.
tisj-y, I am prepared so do all kinds of work
in the
HOOT AND SHOE LINE
•ft the best style and at prices astonishingly
low, on short notice. Repairing also done
with neatness and dispatch. I respectfully
solicit the patronage of iny friends and the
public generally. Terms invariably cash.
Respectfully, W. C. DUFFEY.
Sucser to P. T. Epy,
£ A Visiting Cards, with your name finely
If 11 printed, sent for 25e. We have 200
styles. Agents Wautel."9 samples
sent for stamp - .n. 11. FULLER $ Cos.,
Brockton, J/ass
AK di£AAP or day at home - Samples
\ri to\/ll worth $1 free. Stiuson &
iU <P&V C o., Portland, Maine.
CALHOUN TIMES.
Two Dollars a Year,
VOL. VI.
CHEAPEST AND DEST!
HOWARD
HYDRAULIC CEMENT I
MANUFACTURED NEAR KINGSTON,
BARTOW COUNTY, GEORGIA:
Equal to the best imported Portland Cement.
Send for Circular. Try this before
• r , t * buy iny elsewhere.
Refers by permission to Mr. A. J. West
President of Cherokee Iron Company, Polk
county, Georgia, who has built a splendid
dam across Cedar Creek, using this cement,
and pronouncing it the best he ever used.
Also refer to Messrs. Smith , Son & Bro., J.
E. Veal, F. I. Stone. J. J. Cohen and Major
Tom Berry, Rome, Georgia, Major H. Bry
an, of Savannah, T. C. Douglas, Superin
tendent of Masonry, East River Bridge,
New York, Gen. Wm. Mcßae, Superintend
ent W. & A. Railroad, Capt. J. Postell, C.
E. Address
G. H. WARING, Kingston, Ga
oct!3l y.
Hygienic Institute :
IF YOU would enjoy the
fill I AIFI m ° St luxury; if
Elll rl 111 y° u would be speedily, chcap-
UllililU jly, pleasantly and perma
nently cured of all Inflam
matory, Nervous, Constitu
tional and Blood Disorders
if you have Rheumatism,
Scrofula, Dyspepsia, Bron
chitis, Catarrh, Diarrhoea,
Dysentery, Piles, Neuralgia,
Paralysis, Disease of the
Kidneys, Genitals or Skin,
Chill and Fever, or other
Malarial Affections; if you
would be purified from all
Poisons,whether from Drugs
or Disease; if you would
miTDI/. | have Beauty, Health and
j|| |\lSll Long Life, go to the Hygien
ic Institute,and use Nature’s
Great Remedies,the Turkish
Bath, the “ Water-cure Pro
cesses,” the “ Movement
cure,” Electricity and other
Hygienic agents. Success
is wonderful—curing all cu
rable cases. If not able to
go and take boai’d, send full
account of your case, and
get directions for treatment
at home. Terms reasona
ble. Location, corner Loyd
and Wall streets, opposite
n I rrjj | Passenger Depot, Atlanta,
Mill 111 • j NO> Stainback Wilson’,
Physician-in-Charge.
Awarded the Highest Medal at Vienna.
E. & n. TANARUS, ANTHONY & CO..
591 Broadway, New York.
(Opp. Metropolitan Hotel.)
Manufacturers, Importers & Deal
ers in
CHROMOS AND FRAMES,
Stereoscopes and Views,
Albums, Graphoscopes an l suitable views,
Photographic Materials,
We are Headquarters for everything in the
way of
Stereo scopticons and Magic
Lanterns .
Being manufacturers of the
Micro-Scientific Lantern ,
Stereo- Pa nopticon ,
University-Stereoscopticon ,
Advertiser's Stereoscopticon ,
Artopticon ,
School Lantern , Family Lantern ,
People's Lantern.
Each style being the best of its class in the
market.
Catalogues of Lanterns and Slides with
directions for using sent on application.
Any enterprising man can make money
with a magic lantern.
this advertisement for refer
a\ M. ex-x-xs”
LIVERY & BALESTABLE.
Good 'addle and Buggy Horses
and New Vehicles.
Horses and mules for sale.
Stock fed and cared for.
Charges will be reasonable.
Will pay the cash for corn in the ear and
fodder in the bundle. feb3-tL_
Manhood: How Lost How Restored.
mfßjWkm J’ lß * published, anew edition
MEUUI& of Dr. Culverwell’s Celebra
iJiJEd Jr ted Essay on the radical cure
(without medicine) of S term atom b h<f a or
Seminal Weakness, Involuntary -Seminal
Losses, 1 mpotencv, Mental and Physical In
capacity, impediments to marriage, etc-,
also, Consumption, Epilepsy and Ins, in
duced by self-indulgance or sesual extrava
gance, &c. .
gwffl-Price. in a sealed envelope, only six
cents.
The celebrated author, in this admirable
essay, clearly demonstrated, from a thirty
years’ successful practice, that the alarming
dangerous use of internal medicine or the
application of the knife; pointing out a
mode of cure at ouce simple, certain and
effectual, by means of which every sufferer,
no matter what bis condition n>ay be, may
cure himcelf cheaply, privately, and radi-
lecture should be in the hands of
every youth and evey man in the land.
Sent under seal, in a plain envelope, to
any address, j out,-paid, on receipt of six cents
or two postage stamps.
Addicss the publishers,
F. BRUGMAN & SON
St., New York; Post Oflic,
CALHOUN, GA., WEDNESDAY, JUNE 28, 1876.
AN ENGINEER’S STORY.
I have traveled this road every day
of my life—or since it was laid—in
charge of the San Francisco, the pret*
tieat and best engine on the line. It
was a southwestern road, running, as
we will say, from Ato Z. I had the
sweetest little wife, and a baby the very
image of its pa. I had always a dollar
or two to put by for a rainy day, and the
toys spoke of me as an odd kind of man.
To be shut up with an engine, watchtng
with all vour eyes and heart and soul
doesn’t make a conscientious man talk
ative, and I never squandered my time
spinning yams and listen ingjtojP? rr.H
road joke in the round-house. My wife's
name was Josephine, and I called her
“Joe.”
I never had belonged to any of the
railway clubs or organizations, and nev
er should if it hadn’t been for Granby.
Granby was a nephew of our division
superintendent, and its a failing with
we men that we like to bo noticed
by the fellows at headquarters, if only
to touch the hem of their garments.
Granby was a showy fellow and often
rode with me from Ato Z. He had a
good opinion of me, and as far as I
know were good friends. Once he said
to mo:
“You ought to belong to the Railway
Scientific Clnb, Gueldon.”
“Never heard of it,” said I.
“We meet once a fortnight,” he said,
“and have a jolly good time. We want
practical thinking men of your sort, and
I’ll propose you if you like.”
I was fond of such things, and I had
ideas I fancied might be worth some
thing. But the engineer does not have
many nights or days to himself, and the
Club would take cnc evening a fortnight
from Joe. I said:
“I will ask her. Aud if she likes it,
yes.”
“Ask whom ?” he said.
“Joe,” said 1.
“If every man had asked his wife,
every man’s wife would have said, ‘Can’t
spare you, my dear,” said Granby.
But I made no answer. At home I
told Joe. She said :
“I shall miss you, Ned. But you do
love such things, and if Granby belongs
to it they must be superior men.”
So I said ves, and Granby proposed
me. Thursday fortnight 1 went with him
to the roems. The real business of the
evening was the supper.
I hud always been a temperate man.
I did not know what effect wine would
have on me. But coming to drink
more of it than I had ever done before
at the club table, I found it put on
steam. After so many glasses 1 wanted
to talk. After so many more I did.
I seemed like somebody else, the
words were so ready. My ideas come
out, and they were listened to. 1 made
sharp hits and indulged in repartee,
told stories and even came to puds. I
heard somebody say : “ Granby, by
George, that man’s worth having. I
thought him dull at first.” Yet I knew
it was better to be quiet Ned Gueldon
than the wine made wit I was.
I wassuie of it when three month
later I stumbled up stairs to find Joe
waiting for me with her baby on her
breast.
“You’ve been deceiving me,” said
Joo. “I suspected it. but wasn’t sure.
A scientific club couldn’t smell like a
barroom.”
“Which means that I do,” said I.
“And look like one,” said Joe, as
she locked herself and baby in the spare
bedroom. . • 4
One night I was dressed in my Sun
day suit ready to go to the club, when
Joe stood before me.
“Ned,” said she, “I never had a fault
with you before. You’ve been kind,
good and loving always; but I should
be sorry we ever met if you go on in
this way. ask what I mean—
you know.”
“It’s only club nifiht,” said I.
“It will grow,” said she*
Then she put her arms around my
neck.
“Ned,” said she, “do you think a
thing so like a bolted and strapped
down demon as steam is, is fit to put in
to the hands of a drunken man ? And
some day, mark my words, not only
Thursday night, all days of the week,
will be the same. I have often heard
you woDder what the feellings of an eu
gineer, who has about the same as mur
dered a train full of people must be, and
and you’ll know if you don’t stop where
you are. A steady hand and a clear
have been your blessings all these years;
don’t thro./ them away. Ned, if you
don’t care for my love, don’t rum your
self.”
My little Joe ! she spose from her
heart, and I bent over and kissed her
“Don’t be afraid, child; I’ll never
pain you again.”
And I meant it; but at twelve o’clock
that night 1 felt I had forgotten rny
promiso and my resolution.
I could’nt go home to Joe. I made
up my mind to sleep on the club sofa
and leave the place for good the next,
day. Already I felt my brain reel as it
had never done before. In an hour I
was in a kind of stupor. It was morn
ing. A waiter stood ready to brush my
coat. I looked at my watch ; I had on
ly five minutes to reach the spot.
Joe’s word come to my nnnd. Was
I fit to take charge of an engine ? I
was not fit to answer. I ought to asks
some sober man. As it was, I only
caught my hat and rushed away.
just in time.
The “San Francisco” listened in the
sun. The cars filled rapidly. I could
hear the talking—bidding each
other good-bye and promising to come
Truth Conquers All Things.”
again. Among them was an old gen
tleman I knew by sight—one of the
shareholders; he was bidding two timid
girls adieu.
“Good-bye, Kittie; good- bye, Lue,”
I heard him say. “Don’t be nervous.
The San Francisco is the safesc engine
on the line and Gueldon the most care
ful engineer I would not be afraid to
trust every mortal to their keeping.
Nothing could happen wrong with the
two together.
I said, “We’ll get through it some*
how, and Joe will never talk to me
again.” After all it was easy enough.
I heird the signal. We are off.
again. I saw a £k*w u<7. r^ux.—
ed what it was until we had passed the
train at the wrong place. Two minutes
and we should have had a collision.
Somebody told me and I laughed. I
heard the shareholder say, respectfully:
“Of course, Mr. Gueldon, you knotv
what you are about ?”
Then I was alone, wondering wheth
er I should go faster and slower. I did
something and tho train rushed on at a
fearful rate. The man who had sjoken
to me before was standing near me. I
heard the question :
“How many miles an hour aro we
making?” I didn’t know.
Rattle, rattle, rattle ! I was trying to
slacken the speed'of the San Francisco.
I could not think what I should do—
was it this or that ?—faster or slower ?
I was plaviug with the engine like a
child. ’ *
Suddenly there was a horrible roar —
crash ! I was thrown somewhere. I
was in the water. By a miracle I was
sobered and not hurt. I gain the shore
aud gazed upon my work.
The engine was in fragments, the
the cars in splinters; dead and dying
and wounded were strewn around
There were groans and shrieks of des
pair. The maimed cried out in pain ;
the uninjured bewailed their dead, and
a voice, unheard by any other, was in
my ear, whispering, “Murder !”
The news had gone to A, and the
people come thronging down to find
their lost ones. Searching for an old
man’s daughter, I came to a place in
the trees, and found five bodies lying
there all in their riggid horror —an old
woman, a young one, a baby and two
small children. Was it fancy—was it
pure fancy born of my anguish ? They
looked like—o, heaven—they were niy
wife and my elridren, a 1 ! cold and
dead !
llow had they come on the train ?
What chance had brought this
about? No one could answer. I groan
ed, I screamed, I clasped my hands I
tore my hair, I gazed on the lovely face
of my wife, my children ; I called them
b) name. There was no answer. There
never vould be.
A whistle ! Great God! Onward and
upward tho track thundered another
train ! Its red eyes glared upon me ;
I threw myself before it; I felt it crush
me to atoms !
* * * * * *
“His head is extremoly hot,” said
somebody.
I opened my eyes and saw my wife.
“How do you feel ?” said she. A lit
tie better ?”
I was so astonished and rejoiced at
the sight of her that I could not speak
at first.
“I must be crushed to pieces,” said I
“for the the train went over me; but I
felt no pain.”
“There he goes about that train
again,” said my wife.
Why, I tried to move— there was
nothing the matter with me. I was in
my room, opposite to me was a crib, in
which my baby was asleep. My wife
rnd child were safe. Was I delirious,
or what could it bo ?
“It’s nine oclock,” said Joe. “You
cume home in such a fstate rom the club
that I could not wake you. You were
not fit to manage steam and risk peo
ple’s lives. The San Francisco is half
way to A, I suppose, and you have been
frightening me half to death with your
dreadful Dlk.
“It was only a dream —only an awful
dream. But I have lived through it as
t <.ough it were reality.
“Is there abible in the house ?” said
I.
“Arc we heathens ?” asked Joe.
“Give it to me this’moment, Joe.”
She brought it, and I put my hand
on it, and took the oath—too solemn
to be repeated here —that what had
happened here should never occur again.
And if the San Francisco ever comes to
grief the verdict will not be, as it has
been so ofteu,“the engineer was drunk.”
—¥
American Siiuplicily of Court.
The London Court Journal, referring
to this topic, scouts the claim of simplic
ity, and denies that the American cus
tom of wearing citizens’ clothes at court
had any better origin than accid- nt. It
says the fact that the American minis
ters always appear at court in plain
clothes instead of the usual regulation
costume is due, not to the republican
squeamishness of Benjamin Franklin,
as is generally supposed, but to the Ha
ziness of Benjamin Franklin’s tailor.
Said tailor disappointed Franklin of the
verj gorgeous court dress he had or
dered and he bad no alternative but to
appear in ordinary clothes. He was
shrewd enough to make a groat merit of
what was to him a very unpleasant ne
cessity. The lame of the republican’s
courage rang out through the worlds
and from this time downward American
ministers have clai ued as a privilege
what was originally a disagreeable ac- ’
cideui I
The Languages of Flowers.
For years the languages of flowers has
been in use. It is certainly appvop-L
that those forms of expression constan
tly employed in the commuication of
the thought* and feelings which emi
ntce from love, the most beautiful sen
t imate should be committed to the keel~
ing of flowsers, the most beautiful ob
jects in nature. For the especial ben*
efit of those who may have occasion for
them we give some of the definitions
most commonly in. use :
Boxwood—Tell me that you love me
truly
Blue Bell —I wish to lead a s’mgle
v k *
Columbine —You are most too fool
ish.
Clover blossom Red—l have a 6e*
cret to tell you.
Clover White —I love another bettcT
than you.
Dandelion—Are you a smi'ing litt e
flirt'
Daisy—l will share your delighttu 1
sentiments.
Daihia—Your charms I cannot re*
sirit.
Fuchia—l am true to you.
Flags—Cold and dreary is my heart.
Flowery locust—l love %ou but I
love another.
Geranium —I am lonesome without
you.
Grass—Useful but not very hand
some.
floilyhock—You are most too ambi
tious.
Honeysuckle—l will make you hap
py. '*
Hyacinth— liave you taith.
Iceplant —You look cold.
Ivy—l can only be your friend and
nothing more.
Lily—lam patien.
Lilac—-You are my first and only true
love.
Lady slipper—You are most too fick
le.
Locust —1 have loved you long and
well.
Marigold—Be cautious.
Mulberry—l shall survive yon.
Myrtle—l love you truly.
Morning glory—Love me.
Magnolia I love none on earth better
than you.
Mock Orange—Can you keep a secr
re.t
Narcissus—Your love for yourself is
better than for me.
Orange flowers—Charity—a virtue
all should have.
Peach blossom—l shall never love
anothor like you I have loved you.
Peony Red —I love to be with my
dear.
Pink—l am happy in your presence.
Rosif Geranium—l prefer light hair
and blue eyes.
Rose Red—You arc handsome.
Red Bose Withered —Departed beau
ty-
Sunflower You aro make of de
ceit.
Sycamore—l am anxious to know
your secrets.
Spruce—l love pou but you kve an
other.
Snow-ball—Belicvo me that I love
yoa.
Tulips—You have my devoted affec
tions.
Violet Blue—l will be faithful until
death.
Wild tansy —I declare war against
you.
Wild Daisy—Farewell, I leave you
forever.
White Rose—l am to young to mar
ry.
Yellow Pink—l scorn your rich of
ferings.
Starched Lovers.
They sat upon an inverted wash tub
under a window) dreaming
wild dreams of love. With her great
starrv eyes upturned to his, she softly
whispered; “Will you always love me
Warren ?” And Warren murmered
back :
‘•Till the sun grow3 cold
Aud the stars are old,
ylnd
Then he sprang to his feet in a wild
panic and made frenzied efforts to get
his fr.ee through a coating of something
that had fallen from the clouds. Clean
ing his eyes he shot one quick ghnee of
hartod up to the window made a bolt
for the back yard and disappeared from
the staatled girl’s side. Old gentleman
up-stairs turning to his wife remarks ;
“There Melindy, I bet five hundred
dollars I’ve knocked the darned bowl of
starch out the window and upsot the
whole on’t.” The old woman said
something about giving him a dose of
Simmon’s Liver Regulator and ordered
him to bed. The desolate maided has
no lover now but goes around with an
unquiet glare in her down cast eyes aud
wishes father was planted in the neigh
boring grave-yard.
Sir Isaac Newton was once exam
ining anew and very fine globe, when
a gentleman came into his study who
did not believe in a God, but declared
the world we live in came by chance.
He was much pleased with the hand.,
some globe, and asked, “who made it?”
“Nobody,” answered Isaac, “it happen r
ed here.” The gentleman looked up in
amazement at the answer, but soou un
derstood what it meant.
In deciding questions of truth and
duty, remember that the wrong side has
a crafty and powerful advocate in your
own heari.
In Advance.
A Hod Hot Story.
A Swede named Oestburg has invenf
ed a suit of clothing which quite eclipses
Capt. Boynton’s dress in its marvelous
ingenuity. An exhibition of its powers
was given before the Emperor of Gor o
many, in Berlin a few weeks ago The
Cologne Zeitung thus describes the ex.
periment:
“Captain Ahlstrom appeared : n a pecu
liar looking costume, made of the OesU.
burg inveutiou, and walked into an im
rnense fire made of wood saturated with
petroleum. The heat of the fire was so
intense that no one else could approach
within eighty paces without being burnt
or scorched. The Captain, however,
walked rround in the glowing pile un
disturbed, leaning on the burning wood
and quietly seating himself on the coals.
He remained in the fire fifteen minutes,
and on his coming out, every one press
e around to see how much he was in
jured. lie was unharmed, and in spite
of the Emperor’s asseveration that he
had seen enough of so dangerous an ex
periment, Captain went again into the
fiery oven."
Girls Fishing.
The writer tells us how ladies fish.—
He says he saw four of them who had
succeeded in landing a little flounder. —
No sooner had the poor fish struck the
ground than all exclaimed in one
voice :
“Ouch! Murder! Take it away. Ugh,,
the nasly thing!'
Then they hold up their skirts and
gather about the fish, and all the time
the one who caught it is holding the
line in both hands and her foot on the
pole as though she had au evil-disposed
goat at the other end,which she expect*
ed to butt her over at auy moment. —
They talk over it.
“llow will we ever get it ofl ?”
“Isn’t it pretty ?”
“Look how it pants."
“Wonder if it’s dry ?”
“Poor little thing lets put it back.”
“Ilow will we get the hook from it’s
mouth V”
“Pick it up,” saya a girl backing rap
idly out of the circle.
“Good gracious, lam afraid of it. —
There it’s opening it’s mouth at me.”
Just then the fish wiggles off the
hook and disappears into the water and
tho girls try for another bite.
—
A Lesson iu Grammar.
“Jake did you ever study grammar ? ’
“I did, sir.”
“What caso is Mr. ?”
_ “He’s an objective case.”
“Ilow so V*
“Because he objects to paying his
subscription that’s been owing for a
year and a half.”
“Bight. What’s a noun ?”
“Don’t know; but I know what a re
nown is.”
“Well, what is it!”
“Running off without paying the
printer and getting on tho black list as
a delinquent.”
“What’s a conjunction ?”
“A method of collecting outstanding
subscription in conjunction with the
constable, never employed by printers
until the last extremity.”
“That’s right. Go to your seat, and
quit shooting paper wads at the girls.”
Tit Tor Tat.
Among the annoyed and dripping pe
destrians wha sought the aid of a Grand
River street car yesterday to help shor
ten the way home was a man with gray
locks and an old maid with beau catoh*
ers and false teeth. They seemed to
hate each other at first sight,for he was
hardly seated be*ide her when he growl
ed :
“If you women didn’t wear bustles
there’d be twice as much room in street
cars-”
“ If men didn’t sit cross-legged there
would be three-times as much room ?”
she snapped.
If I were a woman I wonldn’t be
gadding around with the lain pour
ing down in this way, he remarked.
Yes you would. If you were a woman,
you would want to go out and show your
feet ?”
He drew his Number ll’s under tho
flushed up a little and growl
ed .
•‘Thc-y are not false like some f Ik’s
teeth !”
“No and they don’t turn up quite as
much as some people’s nose !” she re
plied.
“Thirty years ago,worn.u got along
without paint, powder, bustles, straps,
buckles and nonsensical fixings."
Thirty years ago," she replied, “it
was a rare thing to see a man come out
of a saloon wiping his mouth on his
thumb !"
He didn’t say anything more gut he
wondered if she wasn't looking out of
the window when he signalled the car.
— ♦
A woman in a Western city recently
fell out of a secondostory window and
struck her head. She said she didn’t
know when anything had made her so
mad before.
No selfishness is so hideous as the
seifihness which prevails among the
possiouate, who, having enjoyed all the
wild delirium of pleasure with each oth
er heartlessly abandon one another in
the hour of extremity.
■\n expensive wife makes a pensive
husband.
Kates of Adveritsing.
For each square of ten lines arises
for the first insertion, sl, and tor each sub
sequent insertion, fifty cents.
NoTsT,’rs~| ! Mo. j H Mos. j 0 Mo? | 1
Two $4.00 $7 (Hr I $12.00 | $-20.06’
Four “ 6.00 10.00 ! 18.00 36.00
} column . 16.00 2.>.00 40.00
I “ 16.00 25.00 40.00 66.00
1 “ 26.00 40-00 66.00 116.00
Sheriff’s Sales, each levy $4 00
Application for Homestead 2 ( 0
Notice to Debtors and Creditors 4 ( 0
Land Sales, one squave 4 00
Each additional square 3 00
NO. 443.
lieaiititul Proverbs.
Deeds are fruits, words are but
leaves.
lie that has lost his credit is dead to'
the world.
No one is a fool always : every and
sometimes.
Forgive any sooner than thyself one'
In a thousand pounds of law there is
not an ounce of love.
The pleasures of the rich are the
tears of the poor
Speech is the picture of the wholo
mini.
k is better to sit with a wise man
than a fool.
Bea friend to yourself, and others
will.
Where drums bent the laws are
dumb.
Every bird loves to hear himself
sing- . . ,
A contented mini is a continual
feast.
A deformed boy may have a bcauti
ul soul.
A good horse canqA be of a bad col°
or. ifi
A quick cnnscience sleep in thun
der J
A wicked book is winkeder because
it cannot repent.
By others fruits wise men correct
their own.
Continual cheerfulness is a sign of
wisdom.
Fnrno is the perfume of heroic deeds.
Good preachers give fruits and uot
flowers.
lie is never alone that is in the com
pany of noble thoughts.
Hope is a waking man’s dream.
Ignorauco is a voluntary misfortune.
Lawyers’ houses ere built on the heads
of fools.
Men shut their doors on the setting
sun.
Never quit a certainty for a hope.
Night is the mother of thought.
No estate can make a man rich that
has a poor heart.
Nothing to be got without pains but
poverty.
The beet friends are in the purse.
The chief ena of man is not to get
money.
The most lasting monuments aic made
of paper.
The pen of the tongue should be d-p
--pea iu the ink of the heart.
They that value not praise will never
do anything worthy of it.
Though the heavens he glorious, they
are not all stars.
We ought either to be silent or speak
things that are better than silence.
Zeal without knowledge is fire with
out light.
To every bird its nest is fair.
Old tunes are the sweetest, and old
friends the surest.
Put a snake in your bosom, and when
it is warm it will sting you.
War is sweet to them that never
tried it.
Every on' thinks himself able to ad
vise another.
Speech is silvern, silence is golden.
Good repute is like the cypress, onoa
cut it never puts forth leaf again.
Printer’s Greek. —The following
an acknowledgement of a wedding no*
tice and a generous allowance of cake
by a classicalrural Professor of Typogra
phy ;
We make our most respectful bow to
the happy twain, opportunity
to return thanks for this almost unj|ed
act of liberty. May the matrimonial
chase which lock this form of our broth
er typo justify all his preconceived im
pressions. In whatever §of the coun
try he may roam whether called up to
face the- ing waves adverse before
the ff and of enimies ; may hi? life
be such that when the of death
shall be laid on him aod the . of his ex_
istence draws to a close, ht may produce
a clean proof and proclaim s clear title to
an honorable in the page of history na
well as to an inheritance beyond the
* * *
No I Tkank You. —At a so-called
spiritual sitting iu Hartford recently
there was a woman who mourned the
loss of her consort and as the manifesta*
tions began to appear the the spirit of
the departed Benedict entered upon the
scene. Of course the widow was now
eager to engage in conversation with
tht, absent one and the folowiug dialogue
ensued.
Widow—“ Are ycu in the spiritual
world
The Lamented—l am.”
Widow —“How long have you been
there
The Lamented —“Oh some time."
Widow—“ Don’t you want *o come
back here and be with your lonely
wife P"
The Lamented—“ Not if I kno*
myself its hot enough around here."
“Some infernal idiot has put that pen
where I can’t find it," growled an old
Asperity, the other day as he rooted on
the desk.
“Ab ’um ; I thought so," he continu
ed in a lower key as he pulled the arti
cle from his ear.
-
“Giles can you eonjugato 1 be--
haves V "
“ Behaves— behooves behives —•-
be—"
“See hero 1 You go and stand ia the
corner."
Paris dresses are so tight that tying
back is unuecessary,