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■he Calhoun Times.
_ r ♦
Voltune I I.
THE CALHOUN TIMES.
rCBUSHBD EVERY THURSDAY MORNING, BY
RANKIN & MARSHALL .
terms of S übscrip tion
One Year : : : : : $2.00
Six Months : : : : : 1.00
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’ir which payment is made, unless pre
tiously renewed, the name of the subscriber
,vi!l be stricken from our books.
For each square of ten lines or less, for the
‘irst insertion, sl, and for each subsequent
’nserrion, Tiny cents. Ten lines of solid
p.revicr, or its equivalent in space, make a
square.
ferms cash, before or ou demand after
die first insertion.
Advertisements under the head of “ Special
Notices, v twenty cents per line for first in
•rtion, and ten cents each sebsequent inser
tion.
All communications on matters of public
interest will meet with prompt attention, and
■oncise letters on general subjects are re
..,)oc(fully solicited from all parts of the
country.
mammmr nr ij-auxTcn———
bailroa i >s.
WESTERN -V ATLANTIC.
MO lit PASSEXOER TK VXX — OUTWARIT.
j., M ve Atlanta 10-30 I*, m.
Anivo ut Calhoun 2.50 a. m.
f \ m ve at Cliutianooga 6 16 a. m
I, v Y PASSEXGKK TWAIN —OUTWARD.
i <>. t ve Atlanta 8.15 a. m
Arrive at Calhoun f.-12.49 P. M.
Arrive at Chattanooga 4.25 P. it.
FAST LINE TO NSW YO»K —OLTWAUI).
h-ive Atlanta 2.45 P. M.
\i live at Ca'houn 6 51 p. M.
•• at Dalton 7.53 P. M.
NIGHT PASSENGER TRAIN—IN W A HD.
Leave <'hattanooga 5.20 p. w.
A ' rive at Calhoun 007 P. m.
Arrive at Atlanta ..1 45 a. m.
DAT P ASAKNGER TRAIN INWARD.
I.cive Chittanoo/n 5.30 a. m.
Arrive at Calhoun ... 9 17 a. m.
Arrive at Atlanta .....2 20-p. m.
ACCOMODATION TRAIN - INWARD.
Leave Dalton 225 p m
A i rive at Calnoun 3 20 p m
airive at Atlanta 9.10 a. m
PROFESSIONAL CARDS. .
W. S. JOHNSON,
Attorney A t I^aw,
CALHOUN, GEORGIA.
jf-ff Oflioe in 'Southeast corner of the
Douse.
A-urll 1 _ Jf_
/ C. IMS. . .JOS. M CONNELL.
FAIN AND McCONNEIiIj,
/Vt(orm‘.ys at Law,
r A LII OI Vv, GE OR GIA.
CrV Office in the Court House.
Ait’-; 11 1 ts
W. ,1. CANTRELL,
AA torney Law.
Calhoun, Georgia'.
- iTILIj Practice in the Cherokee Circuit,
I* in F. 8. District Court, Northern Pis
*ri.t of (at. Atlanta); and in the Su
nreme Court of the State of Georgia.
OrK.Wv. Pan r : rs, W. R. Ivankin,
Muii-tti Ga. Calhoun, Ga
PHILLIPS & RANKIN,
ATTORNEYS AT LA If,
COUECTW (SOWS
Calhoun, Ga.
W — :o:
TT ILL practice in the Courts of the
Cherokee Circuit.
£.*■ V Office North side Public Square.
is. Xkikeb,
Law,
CA LHO rx, GEORGIA.
[Oilier. at the Old Stand of Cantrell ,j- Kiker. j
M7ILL practice in all the Courts of the
-? Cherokee Circuit ; Supreme Court of
Georgia, and the United States District Court
: "t Atlanta, Ga. augl9’7oly
Bcv. A. Martin,
A TTORNEY A T LA W,
DAIILON EGA, ... GEO.
Not 10 1870 ts
IT. W. J. REEVES,
Surgeon tC* j Physician,
CALHOUN, - - - GEORGIA,
MAN be found at his office, in the Brick
store Os Boa/., Barrett & Co M day
or night—when not professionally engaged
jan26’7ltf b
RUFE WALDO THORNTON,
dentist,
Caliioux, . . . G, O .tGIA.
THANKFUL for former patronage solicits
a continuance of the same.
Office at Residence. sepls
DR. D. C. HUNT,
Physician and Druggist,
. CALHOUN, GA.
1. l). TTnsleT
WATCH-MAKER
AND
, -IEWELER,
ALIIOPN ; : ; : : GEORGIA.
0
A Ll styles of Clocks, Watches and Jewelry
neatly repaired and wan anted.
J>ug 9’7otf
(ESTABLISHED IN 1855.)
J.O.MATHEWSON,
PItODUCE
COMMISSION MERCH ANT
AUGUSTA. GEORGIA.
I*7o Jv
TIN-WARE
Ayw
Cooking Stoves !
W.T.HALL&BRO.,
WOULD inform the public that they are
prepared to fill all orders in the
Tin-Ware Line,
At as LOW PRICES as any similar estab
lishment in Cherokee Georgia.
Our work is put up by experienced work
men, and ‘will compare favorably with any
in the country.
0
In these days of Freedom, every good
husband should see that the “goot wife”
is supplied with a good
Cook-ing Stove,
And we are prepared to furnish any size
or style desired at the Lowest Possible
Prices.
Give us a call. aull,tf
A. W. BALLEW,
DEALER IN
DRY-GOODS,
NOTIONS,
Boots, Shoes, Hats, Groceries,
Hardware, Queensware, &c.,
MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS,
FAC ORY* YARNS, SHIRTINGS,
AND
READY-MADE CLOTHING,
FAMILY GROCERIES,
LIQUOUS, dbo.
Railroad Street, - - CALIIOUN, GA.
Has just received and constantly receiv
ing, a fresh supply of
BACON, LARD, FLOUR. MEAL,
SUGAR, COFFEE, RICE,
CIGARS, TOBACCO,
CONFECTIONERIES,
Canned Fruits, Nuts, Oysters,
SARDINES, CHEESE, Ac
And, in fact, a full and complete assortment
of Staple and Fancy Groceries,
lie also keeps one of the best Stocks of
WINES & LIQUORS,
in this part of the country.
If you want good, fresh Groceries, or Fine
Old Whiskies, Brandies, or Wines, give me
a call. fehlO’7lGm
J. H, ARTHUR,
DEALER IN
STAPLE AXI) FANCY DRY GOODS,
Cutlery, Notions &c.
Also keeps constantly on band a choice
stock of
FAMILY GROCERIES,
In all of which purchasers are offered in
ducements.to buy.
Augl 11 6m
-I. N. 11. COBB. JNO. W. WALKER.
COBB ! WALKER,
AGENTS FOR
GROVER l RAKER’S
CELEBRATED
SEWING
MACHINE.
Every Machine Warranted to
keep in good running order.
ALSO AGENTS FOll GEN. LEE
MEMORIAL ASSOCIATION.
G. M. HUNT, Calhoun, Georgia, is author
ized to transact all our business during our
absence. rnavlG-Gm
"Cherokee
MAIPMMI CO.,
DALTON GA.
Manufactures all Kinds of
FimKTITUK.E,
Os the best material this country affords,
and very superior in style and workmanship,
which they offer to the public and the gen
eral trade, as low as can be afforded.
Chairs & Bedsteads a Speciality.
Blinds, Doors, Sash and Job Work, to or
der, on short notice.
Dr. D. G. Hunt is our Agent at Calhoun,
Ga., and keeps a good supply of Furniture
on hand. J. W. WALKER, Sup’t.
L. D. Palmer, Secretary. aug26'7o-ly
isiicTiofifiir
THE copartnership heretofore existing un
der the firm name of Ballcw & Marshall,
is this day dissolved by mutual consent —J.
W. Marshall retiring. The books of the
firm are in the hands of A. W. Ballew, tVho
will close up all the business of the late firm.
A. W. Ballew
J. W. Marshall.
Read Further!
I propose to continue the business at the
old stand, and am determined at all times to
keep a full and first-class stock.
feb!6,lm A. W. BALLEW.
G. H. & A. W. FORCE,
SIGN OF TIIE
BIG IRON BOOT,
Whitehall Street, : : : Atlanta, Ga.
BOOTS, Shoes and Trunks, a complete Stock
and new Goods arriving daily! Gents’
Hoots and Shoes, of the best makes. Ladies’
Shoes of a’l kinds. Hoys, Misses and Children’s
Shoes of every grade aud make.
We are prepared to offer inducements to
Wholesale Trade. sept2-‘,’7o-ly
LB. LAN GFOKD, Wholesale and
. Retail dealer in Stoves. Hollow-ware.
Tinware, cutlery, &0., Atlanta, Georgia.
ANY QUANTITY 1 of “Fine Virginia Leaf
and Manufactured Tobaccos at
DeJOURNETT & SON’S,
C"i. Broad & Brioge «ts., Rome,
CALHOUN, GA., THURSDAY, AUGUST TO, 18? 1.
ALBEHT O. PITNEK. HENRY H. SMITH.
PIT NEK & SMITH,
Wholesale and Retail
Grocers & Commission Merchants
AND DEALERS IN
PURE KENTUCKY WHISKIES,&c.
No. 25, Corner Broad Sl Howard sts.,
ROME , - - GEORGIA.
0ct6,l 870-1 y
Sasscen House !
Up stairs, over 46 and 48, between W. B.
Lowe & Cos. and Lawshe and Haynes.
Whitehall St., - Atlanta, Ga.
hope my old friends and custosjora
will give me a trial.
Terms—Transient boarders, per day, $2
single meal or lodging, 50c.
E. R. SASSEEN,
may2s-tf. Ag’t, Proprietor.
TENNESSEE HOUSE
ROME, GEORGIA.
J. A. STANSBTJRY, Prop’r.
THE above Hotel is located within Twenty
Steps of the Railroad Platform. Baggage
handled free of Charge* oct6’7otf
eiiiiMAzreadrasT
(Central Position ot the City.)
Nos. 95 and 97 Broad Street, Rome. Ga.
FIRST CLASS FARE
OPEN AT ALL HOURS!
Omnibus (o & from the depot.“©S
Fine Bar and Billiard Saloon attached.
Give me a call. J. 11. Coleman, Prop’r.
april 6-ly.
“Home Asain.”
J. C. RAWLINS, Prop’r.
CHOICE HOTEL
BROAD ST., ROME, GA.
Passengers taken to aud from the Depot Free
of Charge. oct6’7utf
Portable Penoe J
/YO to Calhoun and buy a farm right to
that inimitablo, economical, movable
fence—the
STOKER LA TENT.
The most practical farmers of the county
have examined it, and declared it
•the best Portable Fence
they have ever seen.
ConvertaMe to Any Use !
The most desirable of any , in point
of ECONOMY OF TIMBER AND
LABOR in building.
Confer w th either of the undersigned :
J. W. MARSHALL. )
TIIOS. CL JONES. -
Y. W. BOISCLAIR. )
Steam Brewery,
Southern
ALE, PORTER & BEER.
C. A. GOODYEAR,
Dec 23 ly Proprietor.
DeJournett & Son, home, Ga., will always
pay the \;vy highest market price for Coun
try Produce.
0-A.XaX3:OXJPir
SALE AND
LIVERY STABLE!
R. IJOAZ.
KEEPS FINE STOCK, and Vehicles to
correspond, and is at all times pre
pared to furnish any kind of
Conveyance,
AT VERY LOW RATES FOR CASH.
Stock bought and sold on reasonable
terms. aull,tf
JAS. It. WYLIE,
WHOLESALE till)til,
—AND —
Cos mmissio nMer ch an t,
reecht St, - - Atlanta,Geo.
A good assortment of new Mackerel
White fish& c.,for sale by
De Jonraett & Son,
Cor.Broad & Bridge Sts*, Rome , Ga
M. J. BIIADFIELD’S
Female Regulator.
IS one of the great
' est bleseinfis tnat has
y TSr ft ever been given to wo
fman. It will relieve
i *N\ Suppression, M o n t hly
Pains, Rheumatism,
r _ {VCYifjN \ - Neuralgia, and a cer
' Yi A tain cure for the Whites
! \ P r °l a P sus Uteri.
j/ For full particulars.
history of diseases and
certificates of its wonderful cures, the reader
is referred to the wrapper around the bottle.
For sale by all Druggists, Price, $1,50
per bottle.
DR. PROPHITT’S
Celebrated Liver Medicine,
ON E of the Greatest Kerne-ties o 7 ibe age, foi
all diseases of the Liver, Jaundice, Bowel Com,
plamt, Colic, Chills and Fever and Billious Fe
ver. In fact, all diseases arising fretn a deranges
Liver.
ANTI-BILIOUS PILLS.
These Pills have been used for the last fifteen
years, and for Headache, Dg’auged Liver, Ac.,
are without an equal.
DR. PR OPHITT'S A G UE PILL S.
A sure CURE for CHILLS and FEVER.
DR. PR OP HIT T’ S
Dysentery Cordial,
Cures all derangements of.lhe BOWELS.
Dr. Frophitt s Pain Kill It.
This celebrated Medicine should be in ever.)
household. It is a certain cure for all Pains, an-*
antidote to Bites of Poisonous insects, Snakes,
Ac. A superior remedy for Rheumatism and
Neuralgia. TRY IT.
Ail the above articles for tale bv Pr I). G
Hunt’ Druggist, I oun, Ga. Ca ?ept29 < 70-1
PRIVATE AND CONFIDEN
TIAL.
From Josh Billings, to a Hair Oil
and Vegetable Bitters Man.
Dear Doktor Hirsute : I reseaved
a tin cup ov yure “Hair purswadel■,'* ,
also a bottle of your *‘salvashun bitters’’
by express, fur which I express my
thanks. The greenbak which ye en
klosed was the kind of purswader that
we of the press fully understand. Yur
hair greese shall hav a reglar Jimnastic
puff, jist as soon as I can find a spare
time. I tried a little ov it on an old
counter brush in my offiss this morning,
and in 15 minits the brussels grew as
long as a hosses tale, aud i notis this af
ternoon the hair begins tu cum up thru,
on bak of the brush, ’tis wonderful!
’tis almoste Eureka ! I rubbed a drop or
two on the hed ov mi kane, which has
been bald for more than 5 years, and
beggar me if i don't have to shave the
kane handle ever day before I can walk
out with it. I have a very favorite cat,
she is one of the Hambeltonian breed
ov- j:cats, and altho she is young, and
haint been trained, yet, she shows great
signs of speed. I thought I would jist
rub the corck of the bottle on the floor
in the corner of the room whare the cat
generally repozes. The consequents
was, some of the purswader got onto the
hair ov the cat’s tale. When the cat
arose from her slumbers she caught site
ov her tale, which had grown to an ex
alted-size; taking one more look at the
tale she started, and by the g#od old
Moses! sich running: across the yard !
over the fence ! up one side of an apple
tree ! down the other ! out in the fields!
away, away ! The last i saw of the cat
she was pretty much awl tale. I wouldn’t
hav took 10 dollars for the cat, with
her old tale on her. In a few daze, i
shall find a spare time, and then i shall
write up for our paper something pyro
teknik, which will make the hair grow
on the hed of a number 2 mackerel, to
read it.
N. B.—Bizziness, doktor, is bizziness.
The hi prise of material and labor, has
put up puffs wiih us, but upon the re
seipt of 50 dollars more, yu can can re
ly on sumthing in our weekly, that will
send “salvashun and perswasion” thru
the land.
P- S.—Let me advise you as a friend,
if it is indespensibly necessary tu cheat
a little in the manufacture ov “Salvashun
Bitters,” let it by all means be in the
rutes, don’t lower the basis.
Yours quietly,
Josh Bilwyas.
A Spanish Atrocity.
A most touching instance of heroism,
and one of the most atrocious acts of
cruelty, the truth of which is vouched
for by the most respectable authority,
occurred during the Columbian struggle
for independence.
The Spanish General, Morillo, the
most blood thirsty and treacherous tool
of the Spanish King, was created Count
of Carthagenia and Marquis de la Peo
ria, for services which rather entitled
him to the butcher or hangman. While
seated in his tent one day, he saw a
young boy before him drowned in tears.
The chief demanded of him for what
purpose he was there.
The child replied that he had come
to beg the life of his father, then a pris
oner in Morillo’s camp.
“ What can you do to save your fath
er ?” asked the General.
“ I can do but little, but what I can
shall be done.”
Morillo seized the little fellow’s" ear,
and said :
“ Would you suffer your ear to be
taken off to procure your father’s life ?”
“ I certainly would,” was the undaunt
ed reply.
A soldier was accordingly called, and
ordered to cut off the ear with a single
stroke of the knife.
The boy wept; but did not resist
while the barbarous order was executed.
“ Would you lose your other ear rath
er than fail in your purpose ?” was the
next question.
“ I have suffered much, but for my
father, I can suffer still,” was the an
swer of the boy.
The other ear was taken off by piece
meal, without flinching on the part of
the noble boy.
“ And now go !” exclaimed Morillo,
untouched by his sublime courage:
“ The father of such a son must die.”
In the presence of his agonized and
vainly suffering son, the patriot father
was executed.
Never did a life picture exhibit such
truthful lights and shades in national
character, such deep, treacherous villany
such lofty, enthusiastic heroism.
-
A German, who lately lost his horse,
published the following notice :
“ Rund away.orsdolen,or vas sdrayed,
mine plack horse, about 18 hands hie.
He had four plack legs, two pehintT and
two pefore ; he is plack over his pody,
put he has got some vite spots pon
his pack, where the skin vas rub off,
but I greesed ’em, and the vite spots is
all plack again. He trods and kanters, !
and sometimes he valks; and vhen he
vhalks, all his legs and feet goes on von
after anoder. He has two ears pon his
head, poth alike, put von is placker
dan toder, and a small pit longer. He
has two eyes; von is put out. and toiler I
is poD de side of his head; and vhen
you go toder side he von’t see you.—
Y hen he eats good deal, he has pig pel
ly. He has long dail, dat hangs pehind; j
put I cut it short toder day, and now it
is not so long vat it vas. He is shoed
all round, put his pehind shoes corned
off. and now he has got on shoes onlv
pefore."
How A Quarrel Occurred.
The lively skctcher of the New York
\ Sun, in one of his liveliest sketches, in-
I Hoduces the following illustration of
“ how slight a cause can move
Dissensions between hearts that love."
Well now that puts me in mind of
two old fellows down in Kentucky that
had been the best friends in the world
for over thirty years—never had a cross
word, and would do anything for each
other. They got into a top buggy wag
on and started down to Lexington on
business. You see they lived about
twelve miles cut of Lexington. One
was named Burr and the other Clark.
About six miles from Lexington they
passed a tract of land belonging to a
man named Baker. It had a little brook
running through a gully on it.
“ Tom,” says Burr, pointing to the
gully, “ if Baker wanted tobuild a pond,
all he would have to do would be to
throw a wall across that gully.”
“ Yes,” says Clark, “but Tom don’t
want a pond.”
“ Well,” replied Burr, raising himself
up, “ I didn’t say he wanted a pond, did
I ? I said if he wanted a 1 pond all he
had to do would be to throw a wall
across that gully!”
“ Well,” exclaimed Clarx, firing up
in his turn ; I didn’t say that you did
say he wanted a pond, did I? All that
I that Baker didn’t want any
fl Well,” shouted Burr, in an angry
tone, “ I didn’t say that you did say that
I said he wanted a pond, did I ? I said
if —IF he wanted a pond, all he would
have to do would be to throw a wall
across that gully.”
“ Well,” said Clark, now thoroughly
enraged, “ you are a d—d old fool, and
I won’t ride with you any further ; Stop
the wagon.”
So Burr stopped the wagon, and Clark
walked all the way to Lexington, six
miles, before he would ride with him.
That was seven years ago, and the cussed
old fools have never spoken to one an
other since
“ Rejected Communications.”
The Now York Tribune, of Tuesday,
has an editorial on the subject of “ Re
jected Communications,” from which we
quote the following: “ A great major
ity of all people who know how to read
and write, besides many who certainly
do not know how to write—are possessed
at some period of their lives with a
morbid impulse to contribute to the news
papers. They are persuaded that any
man can write a leader if he chooses,
and that the faculty of saying what the
people want to hear in a style suited
both to the subject and the audience
comes by nature to all graduates of a
district school. It is an amiable hallu
cination which repeated failures and re
buffs arc rarely able to dispel. The
young persons who believe they have a
mission to write verses, the women who
vant to support themselves by selling
“ compositions” to the newspapers, and
the scores of the people with bees in
their bonnets who visit editors’ offices
with ponderous essays on incomprehen
sible subjects, are still more serious af
flictions than the amateur publicists.—
Now, more than ninety per cent, of the
articles offered for acceptance at a news
paper office come from this different
classes of people. They write for their
own benefit, not for the editor’s. Their
contributions are not wanted; ou -the
contrary, they are a nuisance. We can
not see upon what ground an editor is
expected to expend time and trouble
taking care of rubbish that is left on
his premises against his wishes.”
► ——
The Girls. — Bless the dear girls ! I
love them all; (I couldn’t help it if I
would); I love the short, I love the tall;
(I wouldn’t help it if I could). I love
the girls with sunny hair, with bright
or laughing clear blue eyes, with skin
transparent, white and fair, and cheeks
that with the red rose vies.
And then I love the dark brunette,
with glossy curls like raven’s wing; with
teeth like jet —I love to hear their laugh
ter ring. Oh ! yes, the dark brunettes
will bring our hearts into our throats,
they laugh at all our woes; but yet I
say—bless all the petticoats.
Ob ! Woman, what would this world
be without thy kind and gentle sway ?
for all we have we owe to thee; how can
we e’er thy love repay ? for don’t you
sew our buttons on, and darn our socks
and mend our clothes and spend our
stamps till they’re all gone ? but cau’t
tell how the money goes.
Oh! yes, I love all womaukind;
they’re gentle, loving, good, and true;’
some many not just suit my mind, but j
what is that to me or you ? I love the
darling, loving girls; love them as hard
as e’er I can : that is in a general way, |
you know —for, bless you —I’m a mar
ried man !
—
What is an Editor?— Some one
answers this question thus: “ Why,
he is the man who reads the newspaper,
writes articles on any subject, talks to
all who call, is jbl aine d for a hundred
things which are nobody's bdsiness but !
his own, helps people to get into office i
(who forget all about it afterwards), and
frequently he’s cheated out of half his
earnings. He works and does more to build
up a town than anybody, and the miser
and the fogy are benefitted thereby; yet
they will say that the editor’s paper is
of no account, and will not advertise or
Lake the paper, but they borrow it.—
Who wouldn’t be an editor?”
,il4 «
Franklin said: “A newspaper
and Bible in every house, and a good
school in every district, are the princi
pal supporters of virtue morality and
civil liHertv.”
Laws Relating to Newspapers.
We have been asked to give the luw,
as it now stands, relating to newspapers
1 and subscribers :
j 1. Subscribers who do not give cx
press notice to the contrary are consid
ered wishing to continue their subserip
| tion.
2. If subscribers do not order the
discontinuance of their periodicals, the
publishers may continue to send them
until all arrearages are paid.
3. If subscribers neglect or refuse to
take their periodicals from the office to
which they are directed, they are held
responsible till they have paid their bill,
i and ordered them discontinued.
4. If subscribers move to other places
without informing the publishers, and
the papers are senl to the former direc
tion, they are held responsible.
5. The courts have decided that re
fusing to take periodicals from the office,
j or removing and leaving them uncalled
: for, is prima facie evidence of inten
! tional fraud.
G. Any person who receives a news
paper and makes use of it, whether he
has ordered it or not, is held in law to
be a subscriber.
Tribute To Marriage*
Marriage has in it less of beauty, but
more of safety than the single life; it
hath not more ease but less danger; it
is more merry and more sad; it is fuller
of sorrows and fuller of joys. It lies
uuder more burdens, but is supported
by all the strength of love and charity,
and those burdens are delightful. Mar
riage is the mother of the world,and pre
serves kingdoms, and fills cities and
churches and heaven itself. Celibacy,
like the fly in the heart of an apple, j
dwells in perpetual sweetness, but sits
alone and is confined, and dies in singu
larity ; but marriage, like the useful bee.
builds ?, house, and gathers sweetnees
from every flower, and labors and unites i
into societies and republics, and sends j
out colonies, and feeds the world with
delicacies, and obeys their king, and
keeps order, and exercises many virtues,
and promotes the interest of mankind,
and is that state of good to which God
hath designed the present co.istitution of
the world.
M a SON BY. —In manv respects. Ma
sonry is a marvel to the world. It lias
lived with ages, and been a traveler with
time. It has seen the rise of kingdoms
and empires aud looked down on their
ruins. It has passed through all the
revolutions that have convulsed the
world, unscathed in a single vital part,
or unshorn of one beam of moral beauty
and still it lives to dispense charities to
the destitute, consolation to the afflicted
and protection to the orphan. In the
aggregate it has never enrolled greater
numbers in its ranks, more talent, more
learning, or more weight of character
It was never more honored or honor
able than at the present. And until hu
manity shall lose its type of character,
and morality, philanthropy, and benefi
cence cease to be virtnous. its crowning
excellence will continue to he exempli
fied in promoting the universal brother
hood of man.
Our Ancestors. —Talk about an
cestry ; a writer, who seems to have had
the time as well as the curiosity, gives
the following : “ Every human being
on the face of the globe is compelled,
by the demand of nature, to have two
parents, four grand-parents, eight great
grand parents, 15 ancestors in the fourth
i generation back, 32 in the fifth, 256 in
the eighth, 32,786 in the fifteenth, al
; most 1,050,000 in the twentieth, and
nearly 1,073,000,000 in the thirtieth.
: The whole number of one’s ancestors in
the fiftieth generation is 5.252,794,814,-
214,046 —a multitude which no man
| can number and no mi ml conceive. The
| blood of this vast host is running through
: the veins of every mortal on the earth,
I and that reckoning back only fifty gen
j erations.”
How He Prescribed. —A newly
fledged Philadelphia doctor recently set
! tied in Havana, Illinois, and the first
i case he had was a boy, who, while shell
' ing pop-corn, got a kernel in his wind
! pipe. The doctor examined the patient
carefully, looked at the patient’s tongue
and then told the father of the boy to
build up a fire. When that was done,
the doctor told them to take the boy and
hold over the fire until the kernel got
hot enough to “ pop out.” The old man
went up stairs and got his shot gun, but
while he was loading it the doctor es
caped.—Ncics.
- M
A Legal Puzzle. —One of the odd j
est questions ever submitted to lawyers j
is now puzzling those of Hartford, Ct.
It seems that a man who recently died
there left a widow, childless, but expect- j
ing shortly to become a mother. By his ;
will he provided that if the expected
child should prove ts be a boys two-thirds
of the property should go to him, and
one-third to the widowed mother If. |
however, the child proved to be a girl,
only one-third of the estate was to go to !
her, and two-thirds to the mother. The !
result, of course, was awaited with an !
interest even greater than that usually i
bestowed upon such events.
The result is the widow has become the t
mother of twins —a boy and a girl.
■« » »-■
But a short time since, not a thou
sand miles away, a bashful young man
w«a escorting a bashful young lady, j
when she said, entroatingly : “ Jabez.
don’t tell anybody you beaud mo borne.” (
“Don’t be afraid.” replied he, t am a?
much ashamed of it ns you arc rhst
and it
Number 2-
VUUOt’S ITEMS.
Mere matter of form—Fitting a dree#
A stylish bonnet in California cost*
more than a mule. ;
Can anything that is l>a!rj«( !>e a
blessing? Yes. :i boh full of cotton
j can.
Rolling stock—Capital invested in
| bofling alleys; ..... * K. *
Domestic magaxincs—Wives who
blow up their husbands.
Perpetual motion—The movement of
a fashionable lady iu a warm room with
a pretty fan.
A recent text of Beecher’s was, “My
soul cieaveth unto the dust”—s2o,ooo
i gold dust.
/ n Indianapolis wedding was postpon
ed because the man got drunk on his way
| to the bride’s residence and lost the li-
I cense.
Two young men w*r<* turned <Tut of
the church in Springfield, Long Island,
for playing euchre on h young lady's lap
during the sermon.
“ Give the Devil his dues ” reads well
enough in a proverb, but what would
b 'come of you and me if this arrange
ment is carried out.
A New Orleans man who tried to
frighten his wife by playing burglar
hopes to recover, even if they can’t hud
the ball.
An old gentleman being asked wbat
he wished for dinner, replied v “An
appetite, good company, something to
eat and a napkin.” . *
In Nasheville, a lawyer smashed a bo'-
tie of ink over the Judge’s head, where
upon his Honor prouYptly knocked him
down with Starkie on Evidence.
Statistics—Of the 1,001 young la
dies who fainted last year, 987 fell in
’ the arms of gentlemen, two fell on the
floor, and one into a water bucket.
A little fellow going to church for
the first time, where the pews were very
high, said on coming out, “ I went ifi a
cupboard and took a seat on the shelf.”
The young lady who saug, “ I wish
somebody would rome," bite had htftr
j desire gratified. Eleven country cous
; ins have arrived and intend to stay all
summer. *» ... ..
A German out West being required
j to give a receipt in full, produced the
following after much mental effort: .“ I
ish full. I wants no more money.—
John Swackhammer.”,
On hearing the report that the shock
: ing condition bf the firemen’s hose hud
i resulted in the destruction of property,
| a woman sat up all night darning her
j husband’s stockings.
| “ What brought you to prison, my
colored friend ?” “ Two constables, sah.”
• Yes, but I mean had intemperance
j anything to do with it?" “Yes, sah,
dey was bofe of ’cut drunk.” •. .
Why are sheep the least moral of the
: animals ? Because they gambol in thair
youth, spend much of their time on the*
turf many of them ar e blacklegs, add
they all get fenced at last.
An bid lady from one of the rurkl
districts astonished a clciVin one of the
stores a few days ■ ago by inquiring if
he had any yaller developments, aich
as they did up letters in.”
“ Mr. Chawles Thampson ” recently
ran his head agffinflSt a Voting lady du
ring a cotillion “Ah! excuse me,
dcah,” he cried; “ did it hurt, ah !”
“ No, sir, it’s too soft to hurt anything,”
she replied.
“ Mother,” said a little girl whotwa#
engaged in making her doll an aprbd,
“I believe I will be a Duchesa when I
grow up.” “ HoW do you ever expect
to become a Duchbss, ihy daughter t*
“Why, by marrying a : Dutchman, to be
sure,” replied the girl;
At a Sunday schobl in Hipon a teach
er asked a little boy'if he knew--what'
“ sowing tfires”’ meant “ Courth I
docs,” said he, pulling the seat of his
little trowsers round in front. There’*
a tear my ma sewed ; I teared it sliding
I down the hill.”
The following speech is attributed to
a member of the Legislature of Penn
sylvania : “I known womin, Mr.
Speaker; T say it with no disrespect;
I have had a heap to do with 'urn.—
They’rs a useful class, and—and yet
with the best of ’um you mav have trou
ble.”
* Ontf’Sttndav recently a Methodist
preacher in lowa advised the sisters to
mortify Satan by giving their jewelry
to the church on the next Sabbath even
ing. The result was a galvanired watch
and three brass finger rings. “ They
are a mean set of sinners/’ said the par
son. 3
“ You can’t stand there,” said a
watchman to a thin man in a suit of
rusty black, who was endeavoring to
maintain a favorable position for view
ing a late fire ; *■ you must come down,
sir. “• Allow me to remain, if y
please . lam a reporter, and it is nec
essary that I should see what is going
on.’ “I don’t case,” responded the
guardian; if you want a report of it,
you'll see it in the papers to-morrow.’’
“ Good morning, Mr Smith. On the
sick-list to-day?” “ Yes, sir; got the -
ague.” “Do yoa ever shake?” “ Ye*,
shake fearfully.” * When do you shake
again ?” “ Can’t ear when ; shake ev
ery day. Why do you ask?” “Ob.
nothing in particular; only I thought If
you shook so bad I’d like to stand It*'
and see if you wouldn’t- shako the
dollar, rn* of your
K IT OT 4 f*K . 1 W/? H t