Newspaper Page Text
The Calhoun Times.
- #
Volume 11.
Ti li; CALHOUN TIMES.
""I HARD EVERY THURSDAY MORNING, liY
, ,VA/V a MM! SHALL.
TERMS OF SUBSCBIFVtOIf.
. v.-ir : : : : : $2.00
wix Months : • •___ _£_ 1>0(J
/,- i TESOF A1) VERTISINQ.
. : |\| i. prvios. | 0 Mo.*. | 1 year.
-—i^77Tf^ fc 'Y si2.o;_) .-520.00
: ' (i ift oo 10.00 18-00 3xoo
I 0.00 1 >.OO 30.00 40.00
i .. , i >.OO 20.00 40.00 65.00
. ~ | ‘>5.00 40.00 65.00 115.00
\ ! are payable strictly in
;in ! at, tho # expuation of tUe time
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v , i mi'uv 'I, the name of the subscriber
J| P. stricken from onr books.
. „. . , r ire of t *n lines or less, for the
M-'r insertion. .81- an 1 for each subsequent
- ion, fifty cents. Ten lines of solid
. v r, or its equivalent in space, make a
pirns cash, before or on demand after
thf first insertion.
Vlwrii- »ment:s under the head of “ Special
> twaty cents per line for first in
ani ten cents each sebsequent inser
(Oll,
Ml c;m ;mnications on matters of public
,i will no- t with prompt attention, and
concise letters on general subjects are rc-
Kj„. c .,fully solicited from all parts of the
r intrv* __
RAII.ROADS.
WEAVERS' cj- ATLANTIC.
XKJiir IMSSa.VGKB TUVIN —OUTWARD.
Irov Atlanta 1<>.30 P. M.
:li V,. :it. Crtlhoim 2.50 A. M.
~ii; eat C'.tUii'iuoif-i H Ift A. M
I,\v rassKNGtn n:ain -outward.
1 cv: > V inti.... 8 15 A M
I, ,• Ca,111),111 12.49 P M.
~ , ;,t (j nrtniiooji.i 4.25 p. M.
r\st i,:x:: TO Xtsiv Yi: K outward.
|\’l inOi 2 4-3 P M
Arriv ;;i U i iium H 51 P. M
•• at Dillon i 7.5i P M
NIGHT 1“ SSKNOBR TRAIN— IN W A KD.
| iv • 1 haitanonga 520 P. M
fti-d at Calhoun 907 P. m
A:: ne it All mt;i 1 45 a. Mi
D\r [’VS-KNOKU TRAIN —IN .VARD.
1 ..v.> Chilian,to a 5-30 a. m.
Am. ■ at Ciltinu i 9 17 v. M
amvo iD At hit) in 220 P. M.
ACCOMODATION TRAIN - INWARD.
i.iMve Da lon 225 r w
Airii r at Ca'fi inn .3 2 ' p m
ah ve at Atlanta ..9. lo a. m
aOFESSIONiJj CARDS.
W. i. JOHNSON,'
Al! orncy xVt Law,
CALIIOFN, GEORGIA.
I 'lb’ in Southeast corner of the
mu "t lonise.
1 : 1 > 1 ts
. mT. jos. n coxNi.f.T..
i A!N and McConnell,
■V'onioy,s nt I^aw 9
CALHOUN, GEORGIA.
, •' (tliia • in the Court llouso.
Va-II 1 ts
W. J. CANTRELL,
iV i \ or.\t\v xY t Jd? w.
Caliioun, Georgia.
:y f hb I’ra-ti-' iu the Cherokee Circuit,
' ‘ ra t’. S. District Court, Northern Dis-
II > i. fat Atlantal: and in the Su
-I'' : 'i" Don. tot the State of Georgia.
■’ r. ib V.'. H. Baku si.
\! t i- t •. v, vi i CaUivim, Ga
PHILLIPS & RANKIN,
.1 TTOItXVy.S AT LAW,
—AND—
COUtCTItW '‘QUITS
Calhoun, Hu.
\\T ——
ft Gili practice in the Courts of (Ire
1 Urrokee Circuit. ,
Oiliee North side Public Square.
E. J~ KIKEk,
* or noy nt Ijaw,
CAUIOUX. GEORGIA,
at the Old Stand of Cantrell § Kilter.]
\\ 'P 1 ' > i:i all the Court -of tiro
>? 1 I'rok'a Circuit: Supremo Court of
1 • *• lu : Vie l uited States District Court
tU V 1 in v. Ga. augl9’7oly
Martin,
ATTORNEY AT LA W,
n.UILONECA, - - . GEO.
N( >v 10 1870 ts
BitTW.r~REEVES7
Sitrtjeon tC Ph ysivian,
CAI. tIOU.V, . . . GEORGIA,
MW I'' fou'i 1 at hi? office, in the Brick
s ; r " of IJrirrett & Cos., day
*. ri! w uii uoi professionally engaged
in i‘l'7ltf ° h
ROPE WALDO THORNTON,
DENTIST,
| \I.IIOUN, G. > IGIA.
' 1 ' lvl ' *- ,j for "arm >r patronage solicits
1 a continuance >* the same.
() i 1 ‘e at Residence. sep ls
dr. and. g. hunt,
anil Druggist,
caliioun ; aa.
'• I'. TINS LEY
WATCH-MAKER
AND-
,:} EWELER,
U'UOUX, : : : ; GEORGIA
Arr 0
\ ■ -• styles of Clocks, Watches and Jewelry
**"atly repaired and wan anted.
9’7otf
(LSTA BLISIIEJ) IX 1856.)
J.O.HATHEWSON,
produck
* 01IJI1SSION MERCHANT
A VGUSTA % GEORGIA.
1870 ly
TIN - W ARE
Cooking Stoves !
W.T.HALL&BRO.,
WOULD inform the public that they are
prepared to fill all orders in the
Tin-Ware Line,
At as LOW PRICES as any similar estab
lishment in Cherokee Georgia.
Our work is put up by experienced work
men, an l will compare luvorably with any
in the country.
In these days of Freedom, etery good
husband should see that the “goot wife”
is supplied with a good
Cools±eis Stove,
And we are prepared to furnish any size
or style desired at the Lowest Possible
Prices.
Give ns a call. aull,tf
A.W. BALLEW, -
DEALER IN
DRY-GOODS,
NOTIONS,
Boots, Shoss, Hats, Groceries,
Hardware, Queensware, &c,,
;ITJSICAL INSTRUMENTS,
FAC ORY YARNS, SHIRTINGS,
AND
READY-MADE CLOTHING,
FAMILY GROCERIES,
efco.
Railroad Strut, - - CAUIOUX, GA.
Has just received and constantly receiv
ing, a fresh supply of
BACON, LARD. FLOUR, MEAL.
SUGAR, COFFEE, RICE,
CIGARS. TOBACCO,
CONFECTIONERIES,
Canned Fruits, Nuts, Oysters,
SARDINES, CHEESE, Ac
Ynd, in fact, a full and complete assortment
of Staple and Fancy Groceries.
He also keeps one of the best Stocks of
WINES & LIQUORS,
in this part of the country.
If you want good, fresh Groceries, or Fine
Old Whiskies, Brandies, or Wines, give me
a call. feblU’TlOm
J. H. ARTHUR,
DEALER IN
STAPLE AXD FAXCY DRY GOODS,
Cutlery, Notions &c.
Also keeps constantly on hand a choice
stock of
FAMILY GROCERIES,
In all of which purchasers are offered in
ducements.to buy.
Auglll 6m
J. X. IS. COBB. JXO. W. WALKER.
COBB S WALKER,
AGENTS FOR
nn i bakhs
CELEBRATED
sewing
MACHINE.
Every Machine Warranted to
keep in good running order.
ALSO AGENTS FOR GEN. LEE
MEMORIAL ASSOCIATION.
G. M. HUNT. Calhoun, Georgia, is author
ized to transact all our business during our
absence. marlG-Gm
cheroketT
\IA\IIFACTLiIU\G C 0„
DALTQN, GA.
Manufactures ail Kinds of
IP TJ XI. IST X TT XI. 23 ,
Os the best material this country affords,
and very superior in style and workmanship,
which they offer to the public and the gen
eral trade, as low as can be afforded.
Chairs & Bedsteads a Speciality.
Blinds, Doors, Sash and Job Work, to or
der, on short notice.
Dr. 1). G. Hunt is our Agent at Calhoun,
Ga., and keeps a good supply of Furniture
on band, J. IV. WALKER, Sup’t,
L. D. Palmer, Secretary. aug267o-ly
liSltlliTlON MM'B.
TV IE copartnership heretofore existing un
-1 dor the firm name of Ballew & Marshall,
is this day dissolved by mutual consent —J.
W. Marshall retiring. The bools of the
firm are in the hands of A. W. Ballew, who
will close up all the business of the late firm.
A. W. Ballew
J. W. Marshall.
Road Further!
I propose to continue the business at the
old stand, and am determined at all times to
keep a full and first-class stock.
feb 16,im A. W. BALLEW.
(i. H. & A. W. FORCE,
SIGN OF THE
BIG IRON BOOT,
Whitehall Street, : : : Atlanta, Ga.
r) DOTS Shoes at,d Tilinks, a complete Stock
) and new Goods arriving dailv! Gents’
Boo's and Shops, of the hp-t makes. Ladies’
Shoe* of a'l kirnf* Boys. MPses anil Children’s
Shoes o* every g-ade ami make.
Z'2f° We :>r prepared to otfer inducements to
''holevHleTV-.de. «en*9 ’7'i-lv
T ii. LAMiIOKI), Wholesale an 1
Id. Retail dealer in Stoves, Hollow ware.
Tinware, cutlery, &c., Atlanta, Georgia.
\ NY QUANTITY of “Fine Virginia Leaf
and Manufactured Tobaccos at
DeJOUHNETT & SON’S,
Broad & Brioge sts., Rome,
CALHOUN. GA., THURSDAY. AUGUST 3. 1871.
j ALBERT G. PITXER. HENRY H. SMITH.
PITNER & SMITH,
Wholesale and Retail
Grocers & Commission Merchants
AND DEALERS IN
PURE KENTUCKY WHISKIES,&c.
No. 25, Corner Broad Ji Howard ms ,
ROME , - - GEORGIA.
0ct6,1870-ly
Sasseen House 2
TTp stair3, over 46 and 4s, between W. B.
U Lowe & Cos. and Lawshe and Haynes.
Whitehall St., - Atlanta, Ga. »
ISc-Ll hope my old friends and custosaoui
will give me a trial.
Terms—Transient boarders, per day, $2
single meal or lodging. >soc.
E. R. SASSEEN,
m»y2s-tf. Ag’t, Proprietor.
TENNESSEE HOUSE
ROVE, GEORGIA,
J. A. STANSBURY, Prop’r.
fIIHE above Hotel is located within Twenty
X Steps of the Railroad Platform. Baggage
handled free of Charge- oct6’7otf
CmmmMVßmmmT
(Central Position ot the City.)
Nos. 95 and 97 Broad Street, Rome. Ga.
FIRST CLASS FARE
OPEN AT ALL HOURS !
BSSCUeo Omnibus to & from the
Fine Bar and Billiard Saloon attached.
Give me a call. J. 11. Coleman, Prop'r.
April 6-1 y.
-‘.'STXoi.-SjLO
J. C. RAWLINS, Prop’r.
CIIOICEIIOTFL
BItOAD ST., RO.ME, GA.
Passengers taktn to and from die Depot Fee
of Charge oc’Vi'Uf
<o^'t;.al.o I?oncc !
IjO to Calhoun and buy a farm right to
VJ that inimitablo, economical, movable
fence—the
STOKER PATENT.
The most practical farmers of the county
have examined it, and declared it
the best Portable Fence
they have ever seen.
Convert-able to Any Use !
Thr mart flesira/jle < f any. in point
of ECONOMY OF TIMBER AND
LABOR in buildiu<j.
Confer w t':i cither of the undersigned:
J. W r . MARSHALL. )
TIIOS. G. JONES. -
Y. W. BOISCLAIR. )
Steam i3i*cAvei*y,
Southern
ALE, POUTER & BEER.
C. A. GOODYEAR,
Dec 2J ly Proprietor.
DeJouunett A Son, Rome, Ga., will always
pay the \ :vy highest market price for Coun
try Produce.
CALHOUN’
SALE AND
LIVERY STABLE!
0
(x. li. BOAZ,
IT E EPS FINE STOCK, and Vehicles to
IV correspond, and is at all times pre
pared to furnish any kind of
Oonv e yan o o,
AT VERY LOW RATES FOR CASH.
Stock bought and sold on reasonable
terms. aull.tf
-I AS. R.WYLIE,
WBOffilll GROCER,
—AND —
Cos mmis s ion Ale rcha nt,
reeoht St, - - Atlanta,Goo.
A good, assortment of new Mackerel
W kite tish& c..foc sale by
De Jonrnett & Son,
Cor.Broad & Bridge Sts', Rome , Ga
~I)1L J. BRABFIELD’S
Female Regulator.
'V IS one of the great
t '-v w \ est biessinfis tnat has
> Y~r %«. k) ev *r been given to wo
. • ■*.. L% A mm. It will relieve
Suppression, M o n t h ly
)'~.A Pains, Rlieumatism.
ri' Aq v t Neuralgia, and acer
; ' tain cure for the Whites
A and Prolapsus Uteri.
£" ) For full particulars,
A history of diseases and
certificates of its wonderful cures, the reader
is referred to the.wrapper around the bottle.
For sale by all Druggists. Price, 51,60
per bottle.
Dll. PROPIIITT’S
Celebrated Liver F^icine,
(>\ h <>f ’h*' (ireau-si Rcme'h-s i, tie age. fit.
all diseases of the L’ver Jaundice. Bowel Vom.
phi.nl, l Dtic. Chills and F> vei and Billirus Fe
cer. in fact al diseases arising from a deranget
Liver
ANTI-BILIOUS PILLS.
These Fids hav- b-cn used for t v e last fifteen
veins and ( -r 11-adac'ite, Deranged Liver, &c.
are without an equal.
DR. PROPIII-rrS AGUE PILLS.
A sure CU"F, fix- CHILLS and FEVER
DR. PR OPHJ TTYS
Dysentei*y Oor*clial 9
Cures ail derangements of the BOWELS.
Dr. Prophitt’s Pain Kill It,
This celebrated Medicine shnu and be in everJ
hons hold. It is a cert tin cure f.r all Pains, an •
antidote to Bites of Poisoners insects, Sn:.k< s,
Ac. \ superior remedy for Rheumatism and
Neuralgia. TRY IT.
All the above articles for sale bv Dr D. G
Hunt- Druggist, 1 cun, Ga. Ca sept*29’7o--\ y
THE CALHOUN TIMES!
m
A FIRST CLASS FAMILY
NEWS PAPER!
FOR EVERYBODY. Including
Farmers,
Mechanics,
Merchants,
Their Wives,
Sons and
Daughters.
Only Tiro Dollars a Year !
One Dollar for Six Months f
DEVOTED To
Literature,
Agriculture,
Politics,
News,
Education,
Humor,
Art,
Science,
History
And tli3 Multiplied interests of
Nort li Georgi a *
It shall be the arclent friend of every
Enterprise or Project,
ealculaten to carry forward the great work of
Developing and Improving
—OUR—
“SPLENDID COUNTRY!”
Now is the Time to Subcribe !
SEND IN YOUR NAMES AND MONEY!
JOB PRIXTIXG I
Os all kinds, executed in
QOOD STYLE,
—AT—
very low prices.
From the Nashville Union & American.
THE ELEMENTARY FILL.
A Million of Dollars or I’ll Set the
Pacific Ocean in Flames!—More
About the “Man With a Secret.
Uudcr caption of A Dead Secret,”
there was given in these columns, not
long ago, the substance of what the Sa
cramento Union had published as the
written confession of the “ late Leoni-
Parker. ’ a lawyer of said city, purport
ing to to have been found amongst the
papers of the departed attorney, and
revealing his agency in the death of
one Gregory Summerfield, who was sup
posed to have fallen accidentally from a
train of the Pacific Railroad, eastward
bound, at a precipitous point known as
(Jape Horn, iu Placer county, near the
town of Auburn, California. It may
be in the reader’s memory that the con
fession in question while coolly setting
forth the writer’s guilt in pushing his
unsuspecting victim from the platform
of the car, justified the act upon the
broad ground of the physical salvation
of the human race. Summerfield, a
mystic and lifeJong student of elemental
chemistry, had finally devised the com
position of a potassium-coated ‘‘pill”
which, on being cast into any body of
water first took fire from its isrne-aque
ous coating; and then, dissolving the
waves and decomposing the same, liber
ated the oxygen of the latter to main
tain a combustion capable of involving
ultimately a whole ocean! Through
Parker, who had been a friend of his
youth, the inventor of this diabolical
compound offered to sell the unholy se
cret of the composition, and his own
right to use it, for an exorbitant sum of
money. Under pledge of secrecy, a com
mittee of eminent citizens, scientific men
and churchmen, endeavored to raise the
required amount. Failing in this, uPd
rendered desperate by thought of the
fearful calamity likely to befall all man
kind should Summerfield be left at lib
erty to use his dread power as he threat
ened, the committee finally resolved to
compass the early death of the incurable
foe of humanity; and, by drawing of
lots, Parker was chosen to execute the
resolution. Uudcr pretext of coming
to Eastern cities with Summerfield to
secure what subscriptions could not be
raised in California, Parker—as his
“Confession” reads—induced the com-
poser of the “ Elementary Pill ” to go
out upon the car platform at Cape Horn,
and from thence pushed him over a fear
ful precipice to his death. Twice tried
by law upon suspicion of having com
mitted the murder, and twice.escaping
through lack of trustworthy evidence
against him, the murderer allowed “the
world, which he had saved from destruc
tion by fire,” to wait until after his own
death before it should know the fearful
truth. Such were the material points
of the ingenious original story, as con
densed here two or three weeks ago from
the Sacramento Union : and now that
same respectable journal adds a sequel
equally worthy of reproduction and cre
dence. From this it appears that when
Parker’s confession was published in
California, its suggest.on that the body
of Summerfield had never been recov
ered—never sought for. even, apparently
—awakened the curiosity of one Charles
I\ Gilson, of Auburn, who thereupon
determined to descend the precipice at
Cape Horn, a place on the north fork of
the American River, and search tor the
skeleton, at least. Upon such quest this
man left a saloon of which he was pro
prietor, in Auburn, on the morning of
Sunday, May 14, and at a late hour of
the same afternoon Was found with a pis
tol shot through his body, on the edge of
what had been before considered an in
accessible ravine, heading down to the
rocky cavities of the fatal Cape Horn.
First discovered by a Mrs. Adams, wife
of a miner of the adjacent Thompson's
Flat, who was seeking fuel for her cabin
at the time, he was subsequently helped
into the cabin by persons answering the
cries of the woman, and there, finding
himself mortally wounded, demanded
that a notary pubiic should be summoned
to hear his accusation of his murderer.
An Auburn correspondent of the
Union, after relating the above facts,
seeks to prove them (as well as the state
ment before the notary, following) by
rescripts of the sworn statement of Mrs.
Adams as to her discovery of the mor-
tally wounded man, and of a proclama
tion of 11. G. Nicholson, Secretary of
State, offering a reward for the arrest of
the alleged murderer. Not to pause,
however, upon these anticipatory ere
uentials of authenticity, the reader is in
vited to consider chiefly what, in legal
Phraseology, is called the “ Statement
and dying confession of Charles P. Gill
son, taken in articu/o inort s by George
Simpson, notary public.” According
to this—his alleged confession—the
now dying Gillson, having in his earlier
days mined on Thompson’s Flat, at the
foot of the rocky promontory known as
Cape Horn, was familiar with the dizzy
zig zag paths leading down the awful
precipice, and found little difficulty, in
reaching the rocky bed of the canyon,
not less than one thousand feet below
the grade of the railroad. Cautiously
then he began his.search for the ghastly
object he had come to find. The dense
undergrowth of shrubs lining the inter
stices of the granite rocks obscured all
vision beyond a few steps, and at first
baffled the searcher; but presently up
on pushing aside a tail and dense man
zanilla bush, he came not only upon all
that remained of Gregory Summerfield,
but also upon the figure of a living man
bending over the mouldering skeleton !
At his involuntary cry of astonishment
the other hunter of the dead looked up,
and was revealed as one. Bartholomew
Graham, or “Black Bart,” as he was
called, an eccentric vagrant of Auburn.
The same motive had drawn b >th men
to the unhallowed spot —they had hoped
to find upon the body of the murdered
| chemist some key to the terrible “secret”
i supposed to have died with him ; and
| Gillsons first glance at Graham's right
hand told him that the earlier comer
had actually secured the bottle contain
ing the potassium “pills” themselves. It
is scarcely worth while to quota all the
details of the ensuing altercation be
tween these two birds of prey over this
ominous*prize, or over a small scroll of
vellum manuscript, supposed to unfold
the “secret,” found amongst the decay
ing garments of the dead man. Suf
fice it to sny that, after much bitter con
tention and a dispUy of a ptst/d by
“ Black Bart,” Gills n accepted the
manuscript as his share of the prey,
and the two men swore each other to
eternal secrecy concerning their adven
ture, and determined to remain in the
canyon with the skeleton until the ar
rival of evening should assure their un
observed escape from the neighborhood
Unfortunately, however for Gillson, his
dissatisfaction with his part of the plun
der led him to make an effort, when he
thought his companion dozing, to gain
the “ pills ” also. According to his dy
ing confession, he even had his hand
upon the precious bottle, when, quick as
thought, “ Black Bart” thrust a pistol
against his stooping body, and, with the
ensuing report, he lost all consciousness
of the scene. Upon his subsequent re
covery of sensibility under the exquis
ite torture of his wound, the murderer
was gone, and the manuscript as well as
the bottle with him; and it was only
left for him (Gillson) to drag himself
up the wooded side of the ravine as
far as he could, and then lie moaning
until Mrs. Adams was called to his res
cue. So ends the “ dying statement”
of the second victim of the “ Elemental
Pill;” and, as before shown, the re
spectable newspaper giving it and the
original story currency, publishes its
Auburn correspondent’s copies of all the
sworn testimony apparently needful to
substantiate the whole wild tale. There
being no accompanying intimation that
the proclamation of the Secretary of State
has yet seemed the capture of “ Black
Bart,” it may be inferred that Greg« :y
Snmmerfield's “ secret” is once mor in
the possession of a living man, who.
therefore balds the whole world's fate
in Li< e mtr 1 Not to b-Arefe this is to
and. sc red it all the veracious California lit
erature u iw in such distinguished fash
ion.
“Printer Wanted."
We copy the following very sensible
article from the Northwest, the editor of
which is sound and knows whereof he
speaks:
“ This heading meets our eye every
few days, in both city and country ex
changes. ‘ One competent to take charge
! of an office ’ is the usual specification
in the country newspaper. There arc
few such printers to be found. They
are not ‘on the tramp.’ They seldom
answer such advertisements, because
they have no difficulty in finding work
where they are Known. A ‘good
printer.’ and one that can be depended
on, is a rare animal. A boy of fifteen
goes into an office, learns the boxes, and
is taught the mystery of ‘ following
copy/ He acquires a little speed, gets
the big head, has a fus3 with his em
ployer, quits the office and starts on a
‘tramp’ as a full fledged journeyman
printer. The country is overrun with 1
such fellows. They meet with rebuffs,
become discouraged, reckless and dissi- :
pated. and thus bring odium not only j
on themselves, but the art which they
falsely claim to represent —for one of j
those roving botches comes in contact
with hundreds of people, while the stay
at-home, competent workman is known J
to but few—and the public have made
up their verdict that printers, as a class,
are a graceless set of scamps. The fault
is as much with the employers as the
employes, When publishers resolve to
employ no runaway apprentices, boys
will not run away after a few months at
the ease, and none will start on a tramp
until they are competent to take charge
of an office.”
A Quaker Printer’s Proverbs.
Never sendestthou an article for pub
lication without giving the editor thy
name, for thy name oftentimes secures
publication to worthless articles.
hou shouldst not rap at the door of
a printing office, for he that answereth
the rap sneereth in his sleeves and loseth
time. Neither do thou loaf about, ask
questions, or knock down type, or the
boys wib love thee like they do shade
trees —when thou leaveth.
Thou shouldst never read the copy
on the printer’s case, or the sharp m l
hooked container thereof, or he may
knock thee down
Never inquire thou of the editor for
the news, for behold, it is his business
at the appointed time, to give it thee
without asking.
It is not right that thou shouldst ask
him who is the author of an article, for
his duty requireth him to keep such
things to himself.
When thou dost enter into his office,
take heed unto thyself that thou dost
not look at what may be lying open and
concernetb .thee not. for that is not meet
in the sight of good breeding.
Neither examine thou the proof sheet,
for it is not ready to meet thine eye,
that thou ninyest understand.
Prefer thine own town paper to any
other, and subscribe for it immediately. |
Pay for it in advance, and it shall be
well with thee and thine. — Xe%c*paper \
Reporter.
Is' uml >ex’ 1
VAK lot's items.
What shape is a kiss? Eliptical <a
lipticle) of course.
” 1 t think, husband, you are very
smart. ** No, indeed wife, but- every
body krfows I £& awfully thtttctl. ”
V< hy arc young hi dies fond of pastry
vooks shops ? Because it is the placo
to find sweethearts (sweet tarts).
English belles encase themselves rtf
paper petticoats. Now in case of a
shower, could these belles botemny out ?
Dudley, Massachusetts was once
‘‘Chftrg.iggaggoggaguianchoggagagogg”
says an exchange. Once was enough.
1 a, what can I Jo, unless you get
me a riding habit, up here in tbr eufta.
try ?” “ Get into the habit of walking,
my dear." *
“ ne thing,” said an old toper, “ was
seen coinin’ through the rye, an’
that s the kind o whisky ouc gets now*
a days.”
” Grandma. ‘ said a shrewd child, “do
you want some candy?” “Yes, dear,
[ should like some.” Then buy pome
i 11 give you half.”
One asked his friend why he married
so little n wife. “11 hy,” said he, “ I
thought you knew that of all evils we
should choose the lens*,.”
• Mr. Post office-man, I want to pay
the postage on this letter.” “ Single or
double, miss ?” “ Double, sir,” (with a
courtesy); “ 1 married last week.”
Vi on t you take half of this poor
apple.” “ No, T thank you. I would pre
fer a better half. ’ Eliza blushed, and
i eferred the young man to lug - papa.
If small girls are waifs, are large ones
waifers ? ‘ Certainly,” says sweet six
teen ; “at least the boys have the habit
of applying them to their lips in sealing
their vows.” 6
A giddy student having got his skull
fractured, was told hy his doctor that
the brain was visible, on which he re
marked, “ Do write and tell father, for
he always said I had none.”
M hen a Chicago girl quarrels with
her lover she communicates the* fact to
her friends in the remark that “she isn’t
on squeezing terms with the fraud any
more.” J
A Western bummer lately put hrm
sclf to bed on the steps of a church,
and, trying to fold the snow flakes around
him. declared every time he grasped a
handful that the darned sheets always
tore so. . J
“ Are the jury agreed ? ” asked the
judge of a court attache, w T hom he met
°V he ,f tairs ) vith a bucket in his hand,
is, replied Patrick; “they bate
giocd to send out for half a gallon. ”
Man—“M by do you look so close I v
at me ? ” ' J
j Sharp b<»y •• People say that your
wife keeps your nose to a grind stone;
and I was trying tosechow sharp it was!”
| “ Tis strange,” muttered a young man
! as he staggered home from a dinner party,
; “ how evil communications corrupt good
' manners. I’ve been surrounded bv tum
blers all the evening, and now I’m a
j tumbler myself.
“A dress composed entirely of the
most delicate lace,” says an exchange
vias all a Philadelphia belle wore at
Cape May, recently. It was looped up
with pcAfls, arxl nttractcd all bchoklcrs 99
(3, fie! ’
A lady teacher at Des Moines called
a boy up and made him show how he
kissed the big girls in the woodshed.
After he showed her, she punished him
by making him stay after school. He
says he don’t want to graduate for two
years yet.
* . -.v -
A young lady at Indianapolis was en
deavoring to in.p-ess upon the minds of
her Sunday-school scholars, the sin and
teirible punishment of Nebuchadnez
zar, and when she said, for seven years
he ate grass like a cow, she was ass rr
ished by a little girl who asked, « Did
he give milk ?”
“ What are you about, my dear ? ”
said his grandmother to a little boy who
was idling about the room, and casting
j f* urt j ve glances at a gentleman who was
IP a “ visit. “ I am trying to steal
papas hat out of the room without let
ting the gentleman see it, for papa wants
him to think he’s out. '*
A drunken fellow, with a box of
j matches in his pocket, lay down on the
I sidewalk in 31 uscatine, the other day,
:to enjoy a quiet snooze. While rolling
j over in bis sleep, the matches took fire!
j Awakening, he snuffed the air corrspicu
; ously. smelt the burning brimstone, and
I ejaculated, “Just as I expected, in h 1
j (hie) by hokey!”
The way words are divided when set
to music sometimes produces a rather
ludicrous effect. A stranger was sur
prised on hearing a congregation, mostly
women, crying out: “Oh for a man !
Oh for a man ! Oh for a man—sion in
the skies f’ While on another occasion
a choir sang to the best of their ability:
• We’ll catch the flee ! We’ll catch the
flee ! We'll catch the flee—ting hours ?'
It is hoped no body was bitten.
I met her by the cellar door; the look
she gave was cold and stern ; her eyes
looked pitchforks into mine, mine looked
pitchforks into hern. For we had loved
in days gone by, amj her daddy said
that 1 might take her; but alas, my
dream of wedded bliss, she got up and
got with a Dutch shoe-maker. No
more girls for me, if I knows it; no
more frauds my love to dim; in the
words of the poet, “not for Joseph,” .
and he might have added, “not for Tim ”