Newspaper Page Text
mioun tnn:s.
• , ,<|iKPKVEBV THURSDAY MORNING
#B Y
{VA I ' 3C4 USHAJj Tt*
TER** or SUBSCRIPTION. ~
One Year : : 1.00
M° nths : ' ' .
™ Subscription* payable in advance;
f>- t ( ; xl ,irution of the time paid for,
' r ',io .Sly renewed, the subscriber'.
• “I,T b . .iricken front our hooks.
n anic "m u , ,
' BAILP«OADSk
vfestem & Atlantic.
Nir „T rA**™™ TUAI.N-OUTWAUD.
>|G -• • ..i:, ..10.30 r. m.
'tire Atlanta .. • - A. ts.
Arn ;e e a # ; «M A *
Arn nA rrA«««B THAW-OCTWABD.
ltA 8.15 A M
J(taTC Atliin*' 1 --* ‘V.V...V..12.49 p. 3*.
'Cfciunoo** 4 ' 2i ’ p * M *
A „ iO XB« YOBK—OOTWABD.
I*" 1 " ' oi r t n u
■a-are *.*.*. V *.6 51 v. u.
\rri*e» l i..7.5i r. m.
•igtif b’AßS«so»t tha!x—ixwA«P.
irri»e ut . #^“' h o 0 ’'* 1.45 a. m.
oav *a*«n««“ TEAW-WWABD.
U« l’hattan.;| [[[[['.['.[['ln I'. u.'
is;:S A.ianta::::.:. .*» K *•
ACCOIIODATIO.N TUAIX, INWAKO.
005 p m
J.eave 3 20 r M
Arrireat Ulnonn !.9.10 a. m
Arrive at Allan .i •••• -
PROFESSIONAL CAROS.
\V. s. JOHNSON,
attorney j\.t T^aw,
(>[ fjiorx, GEORGJA.
office in Southeast corner of the
*tfr
: , |% .ms. M COKNBLIri
fain and McConnell,
At t s si* J^aw,
CMllOf'S\ GEORGIA.
offic- in the Court House.
!_ t s
W f J.; CANTRELL,
( \Hoi*in\v At Ln,\v.
Haliioux, Georgia.
*•711,1. Practice .in the Cherokee Circuit,
U' in U. 8. District, Court, Northern Dis
' (oft „'a,, fat Atlanta); and in the Su
j r ;m • Court of the State of Georgia.
IE .f . KIKER,
/Ittorn o at JL& aw ,
'c \UK)t'.V, GEORGIA. t
~ni the l)!il Stand of Cttn'rell <j' Kilcrr. J
i it ll,!, practice in all the Cottß.S of the
\\ (!,i >rok.!e Circuit; Supreme Cotirt of
;;..or-ri 1 . an 1 th • United States District Court
t \ lantft, Ga. »agl»’76fcy
Bov. -A.- Martiaa.,
ATTORNEY AT LA IF,
DAHLONEGA, - - - GEO.
Nov 10 1870 ts
(Jin.Wm i"<iu.!76, W. H. Rankin
Marietta, Oa! Calhoun, Ga
9 A i roRSKYS AT LA ll',
—AND —
Collecting- -Vgents,
t'dlhoun, Ga.
\v — ;o: , i*
H Ilil- practice in the Courts of the
Cherokee Circuit.
1.-.’}. Office North side Public Square.
3 >r. S>. (i. Hunt,
Pliysiciim and Druggist,
CAIRO CH, GA.
DR. W. J 7 WMM,
Surgeon X’ Physician,
■ V f.HOUN, - - - GEORGIA,
’ll C. l,> fiuinl at his office, in the Brick
M s:.»re of II >;u, Bnrrett A* Cos., day
’ r niglit—when not professionally engaged:
jan'JG'Tltf
RUFE WALDO THORNTON,
HENTISTii
t'luioux, ... O, r, toiA.
P I VililT!, for r *mm'r paironnge. solicits
1 a continuance P the same.
Clficc at Residence. scpls
• s. T. PARKER^
i'- 1 sn io v. iiti. e ri i loi;.
fbvr.u aktuvr’s stoiiu.)
t A LIIOUN, - - Georgia.
• articular pains taken with cutting gar
uients tor ladies to make.
Ml. F. M. JOHNSON,
D E JST T T S T .
OFFICE OVER S. AND M. LIEBMAN'S STORE,
■ Main Street, Cartersville Ga.
gy s prepared to perform all operations per
Liming to his profession, in the latest
Tmlmost approved style
mn r.owm
WATCHMAKER,
AND
JEXWHSJLmJESXI,
Carttrsvi:ie, . -■ - ■* Georgia^
_ 'j'T' f° r sale Clocks & Jewelry. Repair
|-‘r ■; one on reasonable terms and warranted
1 Pve satisfaction. mar.30.’71-3m.
1)7 TINSLEY.
WATCH-MAKER.
Jeweler
■U//OUX : : : « GEORGIA.
- o
A ■ - stylos of Clocks, Watclietfaml Jewelry
•’rally repaired and warranted.
au g O’TOtf
- • wrn-tp-wt 7j • 'iw
7 w . c. baker.
Ut lATTILLO & BAKER,
o < Dealers in
G'oeeries and Confectioneries,
G aHcrsville, Ga,
' paid# for produce.
april27’7l-Gm.
as. kTwylie,
ivhoiiale grocer,
—and—
-ommiß 8i o u Ale rc h au t,
nt ‘ eht s ' - - - Atlanta.(feo.
The Calhoun Times.
VOL. 11.
r<> Wiiom Shall we. Give Thanks ?
A little boy had sought the pump
From whence the sparkling water burst,
And drank with eager joy the draught
That quenched his raging thirst ;
'Then gracefully touched his cap—
I thank you, Mr. Pump, he said,
For this nice drink you’ve given me.
(This little boy had been well bred).
Then said the pump: My little man,
You’re welcome to what I have done;
But lain not the one to thank—
I only help the water run.
Oli, then, the little fellow said,
(Polite be always meant to be),
Gobi water please ttccep’t fay thanks,
You have been very kind tome.
Ah ! said cold water, don’t thank me,
For up the hillside lives the Spring
That sends me forth with generous hand
To gladden every living thing.
I'll thank the spring, then said the boy,
And gracefully lie bowed his head.
Oli, don’t thank me, my little man,
The spring with silvery accents said.
O, don’t thank me—for wliat am I
Without the dew and summer rain?
Without tiicif- aid I ne’er could quench
Your thirst, my little boy, agaiti-
Oh, well, then, said the little boy,
I’ll gladly thank the rain and dew.
Pray don’t thank us—without the sun
We could not fill one cup for you.
Tltctt( Mr. Svih, ten thousand thanks
For all that you have done for me.
Stop ! said the sun, with blushing face,
My littlefellew, don’t thank me;
’Twas from the Ocean’s mighty stores
1 drew the draught I gave to thee.
Oli, Ocean, thanks! then said the boy,
Jt echoed back, not unto me.
Not Utttb me, but unto Him
Who formed the depths in which I lie,
Go give thy thanks, 1113' little boy,
To Him who will thy wants supply.
The boy took off his cap, and said,
In tones so gentle and subdued,
Oh, (Jod, 1 thank Thee for this gift,
Thou art the giver of all good.
MY LIFE.
History of Nobodywrv Particular.
CHAPTER I. —OF NIY BIRTH.
I couldn’t help it, or it certainly
should not have occurred.
I am told I was a fine child. I have,
however, derived but small comfort from
the reflection in after years. I should
have prefeired being born smaller, and
leaving off growing a foot of so beyond
where t stopped.
CIIAP. II. —MY YOUTH.
I father imagine I must have been an
awfully objectionable young cub when I
was a boy.
Diligent inquiries have only tended
to confirm me in this impression.
CIIAP. 11l —MY LOVE MAKING.
I got engaged very early in life under
the delusion that I was in love.
Until I had been married some years
l never found out my error.
CIIAP. IV. —MY WEDDING.
It appeared to give general satisfac
tion.
The little boys outside the, church
cheered us tremendously, and threw up
their caps. One of them hit me on the
nose.
I think, that, perhaps, the beadle
treated the whole affair with marked in
difference, but this may only have been
fancy.
CIIAP. V. —MY HONEYMOON.
I remember for thq first day or two I
smiled a good deal without any particu
lar reason. . , , ...
I rather think I rather thought I had
done something clever.
Since then my opinion has altered.
CHAP. VI. —MY MARRIED LIFE GENER
ALLY.
Os course wc are fond of one anoth
er. Os course we occasionally quarrel
—occasionally several times a day.
CIIAP. VII. —MY FAMILY.
My children have been very dear to
me.
I should say they had stood me in a
thousand dollars a" head all round, iu
dtrsive of two ttvifis who died teething.
CIIAP. VIII. —MY BUSINESS.
I am in the hardware line.
I don’t particularly like it—though
perhaps the line would be harder were
it any other sort.
I came into my father’s business when
he died.
I dare say my son will succeed me.
I have had ideas of other trades from
time to time—sucTi as poetry and tight
rope walking—but have never gone thor
oughly into the matter.
CIIAP. IX. —MY BANKRUPTCY.
That was a mere detail. I should
have failed without it.
CHAP. X. MY HEALTH.
I generally say I am “nicely’’ when
questioned. I have no settled idea upon
that subject.
CHAD. XI. —MY HABITS AND CtJSTO'MS.
I go to town on the omnibus every
morning, and return every evening.
Then I have dinner.
Afterward I go to sleep.
CHAP. XII. MY DEATH —WHEN IT
HAPPENS.
I should like to have a handsome
tomb-stone, with as many of my virtues
as can be got on it without crowding.
A Fuss in the Family. —“ Wall, I
guess there’s a little row over at our
house.”
“ What on aiith’s the matter ?”
“ Why, dad’s got drunk, mother’s
washin’, the old cow’s got a calf, Sal’s
got married and run away with the
spoons, Seth’s swallowed a gin, and 17ou
is looked at the Aurora Boiix till he s
. got the delirious triangles. r lhat ain t
all of it nufher. llose the batter
box and broke the pan cakes, and one
of the maltese kittens has got her head,
into the molasses cup aud l can t get it
out, and oh. how hungry I am.”
CALHOUN, GA., THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 7, 1871.
From (be Constitution.
GRAMMAR SCHOOL EXTRA
ORDINARY.
Young America in Parsing—Red
headed Girls Demand Immedi
ate KxeCtttioii of the Little Imps!
Editors Constitution : At the recent
splendid Exhibition of Mie “ Lee High
School,” m Greensboro, Ga., a class of
small sprouts three feet high, and in
prodigious standing collars, got off the
following specimen of their progress in
parsing. The audience was speechless,
and many hands were lifted in horror :
Teacher—Parse man.
Pupil—Man is a common noun of the
feminine gender.
Teacher —What’s that, sir ?
Ptiffil—Mail is a Common noun of the
feminine gender—common, ’cause he
can be bought cheap; and feminine
gender ’cause he’s always got women on
the brain; Bth person, ’cause his wife
and six children come first—is in the
objective ease and governed by a woman.
Teacher—Go to your seat, sir, and
{hit a Wet cloth on your head.
Teacher—Next, parse Wotnati.
Pupil—Woman is a female noun of
the masculine gender.
Teacher—Mercy on us ! what do you
say, sir?
Pupil—She’s a female noun of the
masculine gender—masculine,’cause she
wears the breeclialoonsand is determined
to voote; she’s compounded of cotton,
whalebone, starch, smiles, sunshine and
thunder clouds—is in the first person,
’cause she’s, always the person speakiug;
plural number, ’cause she makes more
neise than half a dozen parrots—is in
the objective ease and governed by the
fashions.
Teacher —Sit down, Sir, and rinse
your mouth with prophylactic fluid.
Teacher—Next, parse boy.
Pupil—Boy is an uncommon noun, of
the goslin gender and female persua
sion.
Teacher —Thuuder and blackjacks !
Wliat is that, sir ?
Pupil—Boy is an uncommon noun,
of the goslin gender and female persua
sion—uncommon, ’cause lie’s hard to
find now-a-days; goslin gender, ’cause
he soon enters the threshold of goose
hood ; female persttasloU, ’fcattse he’s al
ways got the heart-sick about some fe
male ; first person, big Ike; singular
number, ’cause there’s nobody but him
self ; in the objective case, and govern
ed by his embryo mustache,, Scljiecbun
Schnapps, and the length of his daddy’s
purse.
Teacher—Go home, sir, and bathe
your feet in mustard.
Teacher—Parse girl.
. Pupil- -Girl is an angelic noun, of the
Grecian bond gender, and masculine
tendencies. ,
Teacher—Save us from sudden death !
These boys will never be raised. How
is that, sir ?
Ptipil—Girl is an angelic noun, ’cause
she paints her cheeks and loves inguns ;
she’s compounded of cosmetics, flowers,
fuss and feathers; is of musculine ten
dencies, ’cause she wears shirt bosoms,
paper collars, and always has her head
full of boys; singular number, ’cause
the boys arc afraid of them, and matri
mony is®playedout; third person, ’cause
she’s much spoken of; in the objective
case and governed by a gypsy bonnet.
Teacher—Next, parse corn.
Pupil—Corn is, an uncommon noun
of the neuter gender.
Teacher —Bless my life ! go on sir.
Pupil—Corn is an uncommon noun,
’cause farmers have well nigh quit rais
ing it—it is used as an adjective and be
longs to Tennessee, Ohio and Kentucky.
When parsed as a noun, it is in the ob
jective case and governed by cotton.
Teacher —Sit down, sir !
Teacher —Next, parse cotton.
Pupil—Cottoti is a royal noun of the
starving gender.
Teacher—Listen at that!
Pupil—lloyal, ’cause it is King, (but
ohly over the SpTtfherfi people), starving
gender, ’cause it has well nigh starved
out the South; in the objective case
and governed by lazy freedmen.
Teacher—Next, parse fashion.
Pupil—Fashion is a tyrannical noun
of the common gender
Teacher—Catfish aud blunderbusses !
What’s that sir ?
Pupil—Fashion is a tyrannical noun,
’eatfcfe i* mtlst be obeyed, and laughs at
a poor man’s p»rse; common gender,
cause all people bow to it; it is com
pounded of flounces, flimsies, flauisies,
ruffles, scuffles, bubbles, troubles, ruffs,
cuffs, snuffs, higgles, giggles, sniggles,
curls, furls, hairs, snares, Grecian bend,
fuss and feathers. It was once in the
objectife Case and governed by Eugenie,
but is now in the nominative ease inde
pendent.
Teacher—Go home, sir, and go to
bed.
Teacher—Next, parse baby.
Pupil—Baby is an obstreporous mu
sical noun of the neuter gender.
Teacher —Moses and the prophets
save us from destruction ! What do you
say, you little imp?
Pupil—Baby is a musical noun, ’catke
it sings a soft tunc between midnight
and day, specially of a cold night—it i?
neuter gender, cause it is neither male
nor female till it rs Mg etrongh to wear
breeches It weighs according to size,
and measures according to proportions.
Is compounded of milk and lungs, and
specially of lungs, grows at a rapid rate,
and soon learns to smoke cigars, drink
spirits, talk short to dad, and make love
to gals. It is also of the spoilt genefer,
’cause it is allowed to pat its foot in the
gravy whenever it chooses, is in the ob
jective case and governed by candy and
sugar plums.
Teacher—Go home, sir, and tell your
mother to rock you to sleep.
Teacher—Patse matrimony.
Pupil—Matrimony is an ancient noun
of the defunct gender.
Teacher—Hear him ! You little vaga
bond, what do you say ?
Pupil—Matrimony, is of the defunct
gender, ’cause it’s played out. Girls
are plentiful as blackberries, but they’ve
got nothing, they toil not, neither do
they spin, yet Solomon in all his {'lory
couldn’t dress like ’em. Matrimony is
compounded of the words, mate and
monejj, but when there’s match now-a
days, it is nothing without the money.
Third person, ’catfse R’s sfokett of nnteh
by the girl’s daddy.
Teacher—Take a back seat, sir, and
rub your head with a brick !
Teacher —Parse kissing.
Pupil —Kissing is a common labial
noun of the explosive gender.
Teacher —Sakes alive ! What do you
mcari ?
Pupil—Kissing is in the explosive gen
der, ’cause it is usually attended with
various explosive sounds; sometimes
like the bursting of a torpedo; some
times like the sucking of a calf; some
times like unto weeping, or Jacob kissed
Rachel and lifted up his voice and wept.
It is common cause it is peculiar to all
sexes and ages, specially to young girls,
preachers and widowers.. Kissing is de
rived from bussing and is of varjous
kinds. Ist. There’s rebus, which is
bussing again. 2d. There is omnibus,
which is bussing all the gals in the room.
3d. There’s blunderbuss, which is one
man kissing another man’s wife; and
4th. Tlicyre’s syllabus, which is one girl
kissing another girl, where so many boys
are spiling for a buss. It is second per
son, ’cause it takes two persons to per
form tile operation; plural number,
’cause they generally take more than
one when they can get a chance ; is in
the objective case and governed by sur-.
rounding circumstances.
Just here the teacher and vast audi
tory broke down. A bevy of redhead
ed girls rushed upon the rostrum and
demanded ,that the little imps be hung
instanter, if not sooner, and order was
not restored till the Marshal assured
them that all the little reprobates should
be hung at sunrise next morning. The
teacher was taken ofl on a window shut
ter.
JOSH BILLINGS INTERVIEW
ED.
The Laughing' Philosopher Rises
to Explain.
An interviewing reporter has been to
see that eminent philosopher, Josh Bil
lings, at Saratoga, and the following con
versation was the reffiiH :
“ Mr. Billings, where were you edu
cated?”
“ Pordunk, Pennsylvania.”
Hot* oid are you ?”
“ I was both 150 years old, and have
been growing young eversiurc.”
“ Are you married ?”
“ Once.”
“How many children have you ?”
“ Doublets.”
“ What did you come to Saratoga for ; ”
“ I kan’t tell. Kin you ?”
“ What other vices have you ?”
“ None.”
“ Have you any virtues ?”
“ Several.”
“ What are they ?” .
“I left them in New York.”
“ Do you gamble ?”
“ W heft I feel good,”
“ What is your profession ?”
“ Agriculture and alminaxing.”
“ What do you think of an inter
viewer ?”
“ lie’s a leetlc worse than an organ
grinder.”
“ How do you account for your defi
cient knowledge in spelling?”
“ Bad spells during infancy and poor
memory.”
“ What, things are you most liable to
forget.”
“ Sermons and debts.”
f ‘ What professions do you like best ?”*
“ Auctioneering, base ball and theolo
gy*”
“ Do you smoke ?”
“ Thank you, Flf Fike a Dlrfaga first.”
• “ What is your worst habit ?”
“ The coat I got last in Poughkeep
sie.”
“ What do you think of Grant ?”
“ I am if* of the present admin
istration.”
“ What are your favorite books?”
“My alminack and pocket-book.”
“ What is your favorite piece of
sculptor ?”
“ The mile stone nearest home.”
What is your favorite animal ?”
“ The mule.”
“ Why ?”
“ Because he irerer blunders with his
heels.”
“ What was the best thing said by
your old friend, Artemus Ward ?”
“ £ All the pretty girls of Utah marry
young.’ ”
“ What do you think of the San Do
mingo question ?”
“If it don’t interfere with the Santa
, Cru* (rttaC) question, I’m in favor of it.”
“ What do you think of the Indian
question ?”
“ I think all gooa India® <??e yptrug.”
“ Do you believe in the final salvation
of all men ?”
“ I do—let me pick the men.”
lleporters in India have a nice time.
Here’s the way they get up marriage no
tices f. ....
“We are very glad to learn that the
marriage of Mr. llughoonathdas Mad
howdas, a Kupola Bunia merchant of
Bombay, with Dhuncoorbal, the daugh
ter of the Shet Gudhurdas Mohundas,
and the widow of Luchmichand Dhur
unischeay, was celebrated at Chinch po
nogly.
THE SUNSHINE CURE.
A New Remedy for Invalids— lts
WonclCffhl Effects.
Seclusion from sunshine is one of the
misfortunes of our civilized life. The
same cause which makes the potato vines
white and sickly, when grown in the
dark cellars, operates to produce the
pale, sickly girls that are reared in our
£a?lor§. Expose either to the rays of
the sun, aud they begin to sFofr color,
health and strength.
One of the ablest lawyers in our coun
try, a victim of long and hard brain la
bor, Same to me .a year..ago suffering
from partial paralysis. The right leg
and hip were reduced in size, with con
stant pain in the loins. lie was obliged t
in coming up stairs to lift up the left
foot first, dragging the right foot after
it. Pale, feeble, miserable, he told me
he had been failing for several jcdr&,
and closed with, “My work is done. At
sixty I find myself worn out.”
I directed him to lie down under a
large window and allow the sun to shine
on every part of his body; at first ten
minutes a day, increasing the time un
til he could expose himself to the di
rect rays of the sun for a full hour.—
His habits were not essentially altered
in any other particular. In six months,
he came running up stairs, like a vigor
ous mab of Tons, and declared with
sparkling eyes, “ I have twenty years
more of work in me.”
I have assisted many dyspeptic, neu
ralgic, rheumatic, and hypochondriacal
people into health by the sun euro. I
have so many facts illustrating the won
derful power of the sun’s direct rays in
ciiring certain diseases of invalids, that
I have s#iously thought of publishing
a work to be denominated the “Sun
Cure.” — Home and Health.
BeautlfUl Tribute to Virginia.
—ln a speech made last week at Louis
ville, Ky., the lion. D. W. Voorhees, of
Indiana, said :
If I, on the other hand, was calline
witnesses lor the Democracy, I would
point first tp the old State of Virginia,
the most afflicted of all, tlie most forn
to pieces of all, with her male population
driven away, her bosom thrjishpd with
the thrashing machine of death from
one border to the other. She has emerg
ed as from a fire of ten fold heat, but
she has fallen into the hands of Conserva
tism and not Radicalism, and no Radical,
not even Ben. Butler, dares wag his
foul tongue or point his felonious finger at
her. [Cheers.] And this 1 said to film,
too, on the floor of the House. Virgin
ia, the very head front of the struggle
on the part of the South—she in whose
bosom lies more buried valor than in
any other equal space of ground the
sun shines upon [Applause.] where he
roes surpassing those that Ilomer sung,
met and clashed their swords and bled
and died—She on whose fate the whole
South hung, who never faltered, and
when her great leaders laid down their
swords, all others were laid down.
Don’t YouDo' It.--When you are
offered a great bargain, the value of
which you know nothing about, but
which you are to get at half price, “be
ing you”—don’t you do it.,
When a young lady catches you? alone
and lays violent hands on you, express
ing “kiss” in every glance—don’t you
do it.
When a horse kicks you, and yon
feel a strong inclination to kick the horse
in return—don’t you do it. ,
Should you happen to catch yourself
whistling in a printing office and the
printers tell you to whistle louder —don’t
you do it.
If on an ocld occasion your wife.should
exclaim to you. “ Now tumble oict
the cradle and break your neck do !”
don’t you do it.
When you have any business to trans
act with a modern financier,and he asks
you to go and dine with him—don’t you
do it.
When you are associating with Rad
icals and they ask you to join and vote
with the Radical party —don’t you do it,
HaT* Sleep is a most singular mystery.
When a man is bound in its silken coil
his reason is dormant, but his imagina
tion is often out upon the wildest revel.
Though he is dead to the real world, he
is alive to nti imaginary world. And
this unreal state of things, this fiction
of his slumbers, affect him just like the
most solid reality. He willl laugh in
his sleep, or he will weep, or tremble
and cry out with terror. He sometimes
will even up and walk about ifi
sleep—a curious spectacle of life with
out consciousness, and motion without
intelligence. If you were to arouse
him from his illusion he would probably
forget all about his strange aberrations,
or else remember it only as a confused
and disordered dream.
Not long since there worked in
Waxhitfgfiofr a printer named NoTth.who
would occasionally drink too much.—
One evening, after having staggered with
too many drinks, a friend advise*! him
to go over to the prayer meeting in the
“Young Men’s Christian Association ”
building, and ask some of the members
to pray for him. The suggestion struck
him favorably and he proceeded to act
upon it, but accidentally wandered into
the gymnasium. Steadying himself and
looking n*oir*K>; he said : ‘‘They told me
to come over here to a prayer meeting,
but this looks terribly like a circus; but
maybe it’s only the way I’m looking at
it, ain’t (hie) much used to it and I sup
pose it’ll all c 05% rctfnd right pretty
soon !”
What have you to expect at a 1 hotel ?
Inn-atterition.
VAIUOIS ITEMS.
The latest woman question is said to be
“ when will gold reach pa T’
How to make hens lay—Tic their
together so that, they cannot stand
G reeky.
Aflemus A\ spys he knew a man
without a tootn in ais head who could
play the bass drum splendidly.
“ Whose pigs are these, boy T “ The
big sow s.” “ l mean who is their mas
ter. That litle one :he w hoops ’em
all.” 1
A Connecticut man won It? ??kc to
represirit the uiichandick and laboringe
men in the asifetfibly irrespectiv ov
polliticks or eddikashun.”
A minister not long ago preached
from the text, “Be ye therefore stead
fast, but the printer made him expound
“ Massa, de taters up.” “ The pota
toes up j you rascal, 1 only planted yes
terday. “ 1 know dat, massa ; but de
hogs got in las’ night, an’ gub urn a lif.”
Young Hopeful—Ma, dear, Ada won’t
take her physic. I’ve mixed her a dose
of sand, and she says I must take some
first. Doctors never do, do they, Ma ?
The hotel in New England with the
longest name is the “Quoquiimapssakcs
sosanogog House at Hampton Beach.
It has only one letter less than the whole
alphabet.
Charley relating his boarding school
experience : Clara—“And Wltctf Ho
you have breakfast ?” Charley—“ J ust
as soon as the parson gets through read
ing the riot act over the hash.” “ Clara
—“ Grace-ious.”
A needle was pulled out of a LaCrosse
Mian’s breast, ifto infc'hes from his heart.
It was expected that a further search
would disclose a sewing machine, but as
the surgeon didn’t find one, the fellow
is suspected of having been in close
quarters with a pretty dress maker.
A marble cutter near Lockport recent
ly received from a German an order for
a tomb stone with the following epitaph :
“My wife Susan is dead; if she had
lived till next Friday, she’d been ded
shilst two weeks. Asa tree falls so
must she stand. All things is impossi
ble mit God.”
Ladies used to pride themselves on
making their dresses last a number of
years, but now when one says to them,
, “ Hos? well that dress has lasted.” they
consider it more in the light of an in
sult than a compliment, and a reflection
on them for having appeared in it in
public so many times.
This is a rural New York item : A
tin peddler who evidently bears a charm
ed life, fell thirty feet with his horse
attd wagon through a bridge, and wasn’t
hurt a bit: His load of old iron and
potash kettles didn’t even break the
springs, and the yellow dog under the
wagon never lost step during the per
formance.
At a masquerade at Leaver worth, a
female represented “ Arctic Moonlight.”
She had a piece of ice in her mouth,
and an Esquimaux hood trimmed with
a slice of the Aurora Borealis. An
other represented the “Narrow Gauge.”
She had a bar of railroad iron balanced
on her nose, and a steam gau<yc attached
to her bosom.”
“ Mrs. Spriggins, will you be helped
to a small bit of turkey I” “ Yes, my
dear Mrs. Wilkins, I will.” “ What
part would you prefer, my dear Mrs.
Spriggins.” “ I will have a couple of
the wings, one of the legs, some of the
breast, the side bone, some filling and a
dtfmplings—very few—as I feel
quite urnvell to-day.” Mrs. Wilkins
fainted l
A Connecticut lawyer, who wished to
cross the river on the ice, was told that
it would be entirely safe to make the at
tempt if he crawled over on his knees.
Anxious to go he humbled himself ac
cordingly, and had laboriously got half
way across when he was overtaken by a
man driving along leisurely in a buggy.
The rapidity with which he assumed an
gpright position was startling to the
driver.
t, * 1 ’ t
Ah exchange says that the habit of
chewing gum grows on any one indulg
ing in it as much as that of drinking
liquor, and the breaking off from it sud
denly is as injurious. A young girl
who has chewed it for years swore off
|ast weelj, and since then she has regu
lar jim jam3. has to be set up with
every night. A-young man sits up with
her, however, and she don’t mind it
much. Girls that don’t want to be set
up with had better not quit chew ing.
A rural gent of eighteen summers in
vested in a bairah'a ph' the cars at Dan
bury, Conn., the other day. He Care
fully removed the peel and put it on the
seat by his side ; then he broke the fruit
up in small bits, ejeing it anxiously as
he did so. When this was done, he
picked up the peel, shook it iff ttii sap,
and finally threw the pieces out of the
window, remarking as he did so, *• That’s
the fust of them prize packages I ever
bought, an’ it’s the last, you be(.' f
Hood, in Ills Comic Annual for 1830,
had the following from a contributor:
Sur, my wyf h*d a tomb eat that dyd.
Being a tortur shell and a gfafe faverit.
we had bin. berried in the guardin, afrd
frfr the sake of inrichment of the sile,
I had the carkis lade under the rutes of
a guzebery bush, the fruit being up til
then, of the smoo!h k.iud. But the next
/Croft's frute after the cat was berried
the guzeberries was all hairy, and mofe
remarkabul, the catapilers of tlie same
bush was all of the same hairy discre
tion/'
RATES OF ADVERTISING.
No. Sqw p NRp* M.m.jl year,
two I UO ! $7.00 l I
Four “ 6.00 i | b
column 9.00 fl*oo , oO.iKl 10.U*
V “ 15.00 j 2 ■'».<*>- I'* 40.00 ) t. 6.00,
1 “ 28.00 | 40.00 , 65.00 | 116.00
For ench square of ten l : n*>* or lr«s,
for the first insertion. sl, ami for mrli sub
sequent insertion, fifty cent.*.
Bsa£“’ Ten lines* of solid brevier, or M*
equivalent in sjwce, make a .-quare.
Terms cash before or on demand af
ter the first insertion!
NO. 6.
MISCELLANEOUS.
BE. J. BBADFI
Female IJogrulator.’
certificates of Lk- .vnndarful cures, the render
is referred to the wrapper around the bottle.
For sale by all iHUegiste. l’rice, $1,50
per bottle.
DR. PBOUHITTS
Celebrated Liver Medicine
ON E of the Oreatest Remedies of the ajje, l« i
all diseases of the hirer. Jaundice, Bowel Com,
pla.Dt, Colin, Chills and Fever, and Killious Fe
ver. In fuel, all diseases arising frotn A deranged
C A X 77- niUOl '$ 1 7 LL S.
These Fills have b*»en used for t* e Inh.>
years, and fur llt»ad«clie, l)c'angtd Liver, Ac..'
are without an equal.
DR. I'RO I*ll ITT'S .4 GVR PILLS ,
A sure CUKE for CHILLS and FEVER.
DR. PROPI/lTf'S y
Dysentery Cordia 1,
Cures all derangements of the BOWELS.
Dr. Propliitt’s Pain Kill It.
This celebrated Medicine should be in ev«rs
household. It is a certain cure for all Pains, an
antidote to Hites of Poisonous insects, Hnskafi,
Ac. A superior remedy for Khuimutisui aud
Neuralgia. TRV IT.
All, the above articles for rule by Dr 1). G.
Hunt Druggist, I oun, Oa. Catept‘29
AMKRIMN INllliisiTl
of I*h ilarfefph in.'
Medical Department !
THIS College holds flt roc sessions each'
I year. The first session continences October
3d, and continues fitftil the end of December ;
the second session commences Jauuary 2d,
1872. and continues until the end of Murcb {j
the third session commences *4pril Ist, ami
continues until the <qid of June.
It lias an able corpse of twelve Professors,,
and every Department of Medicine and .Sur
gery is thoroughly taught. "
Every facility in the way of illustrations,
morbid specimens, herbarium, chemical ami
ph il osophical apparut us. microscopes, i ust ru
ments of the latest invention for physical
examination and diagnosis will be provided.,
Splendid Hospital and Clinical Instruction
are afforded ; free tickets to a,ll our cjfy hos
pitals are provided ; dissecting material
abundant at. a nominal cast. , i ?
Perpetual scholarship are sold for S6O,
which pays for all the Professors' Tickets,
until graduation. Matriculation I*ee $7) ;
Demonstrator’s Ticket. $5 Diploma Fee,
S3O. For uircular and additional particulars,
address
Prof. JOHN lIITHANAN. M. I). Dean.
514 Pine Street, Philadelphia, Pa
augl7’7l-ly
Emigrants and Travelers;
SAVE YOUR MONEY.
T”„, ' ■
IF you are going to Memphis. Lit fie Rock,
Pine lllutf, New Orleans, Galveston, Texas,
or any point on the Mississippi, Red or Ar
: kansas Rivers. St,, Louis,., lyanyafl City, Sf«.
Joseph, Omaha, or any point West ami North
west, be certain and buy your tickets via
ST. LOUIS, MEMPHIS,
Nashville and Chattanooga
Great Central Through Line.
Trains run through fr'Stu Chattanooga to'
Memphis and Columbus, Ky.,
Without Change of Cars.’
Therefore making only one change between
Chattanooga and St. Louis, Mo.
This is the .
.SHOUT AND (UJlCff lUtCTfi-
West and Nortf being from *li to 1000 miles
shorter thttn rjij, otoyr route,and equal,if not
ter.than any hoc to 'Tc.taa.Aikaoßas and the Mis
sissippi River. ... . . v ,
Time to St. Louis and tb6 wqst via ..’ashvillo,
route is 8 Lours and 10 minutes, to 15 hours and
50 minutes quicker than via Corinth- hour*
quicker to Memphis than by any route leaving
Chattanooga in the morning. .Emigrant* by
this Route will not be put in Box Cara which
have no Fit es, Seats or comforts of any kind, but
will have excellant Passenger cars, thoroughly
heated and Well Ventilated. Remember this,
and give us a trial, and see if we do not do as we
pro-, ose. .
Emigrants’ rates are as ;
Rome to Memphis sl2 So
“ Little Rock 17 Om
“ St. Louis (rail) 20 75
« “ [river] 1# 75
“ Kansan City [river]... 24 75
“ “ [rai1],,,....80 7*.
“ St. Joseph [rsi.l .. ..*0 75
“ [liver] .26 7a
44 Omaha [liver] 32 7-»
“ “ -[rail] uH
“ San Francisco [rai1]...,... 106 75
“ “ • • , [tiverj j 102 75
“ New Orleans [river and rai1)..... 400
“ Shreveport, La., (rail and i/ver].. 20 0^
1 a> and Em ; g;*nt* by I hoi line Irom
Chattanooga have choice of three dnTereot routes
to the West and Northwest, as follows, pit Un
ion City, Hickman, or Louisville, therefore, gw
ing it superior ad vantage* ail other routes.
Trains run to and fiom Chattanooga, vis :
LEAVE. ABRIfC.
3:10a. m., [Sundaysexcepted] 7:10 p. re*
8:00 p. m., Daily 4:3u a m
All persona are e< tilled to. 100 pounds fUg
[ gage, w?r*rch will be handled with eai v and free
of cha-ge.
For further information address Agenia of this
line at the ollow ing places;
R. M. Hooke, Ohattanooga, Tenn.• Foste'
Whi eside, Ticket Seller, Chattanooga. Tenn.; or
VV L Daoley, G. P. ft T,.Agent, .N».i-bvilla Tenn
For utiick time and sure ; mnedtious &ot for
get to buy tickets by the
St. Lotus, Aicutphis,
Naslivffle and Chattanooga
Ceufcntf Through Line.
JOHN W. THOMAS, Geo. S»Vt
W. L DANLEV. G. P. ft T. agent.
TIIOS. J. PERRY, Pass, agent, Rome Ga
“Patent Fire Kindler V*
Greatest fo/reft?/ (ij the Age !
$•„ .
No more expense for pine, or trouble of
preparing, kindling for fires or stoves. Gef
one of HARRIS &. DO ISCL AIK’S Patent Fire
Kindlers, and you save mfOK-y and trouble,
at a very small expeftVc.' For sale at all the
stores, sn<f *t CTe/f's Office.
JnfeSS-am.] HARRIS & BOISCLAIR
Ll*. LANGFORD, Wholesale and
. Ret til dealer in Stoves, llollow-ware.
Tinware, cutlery, &c., Atlanta, Georgia.
IS oho of the great
est blessings tout bi
t v t been given to wo
man. Jt ./.till, relieve
M o n t h ly
•vnu.s, R lieu in atistu;.
Neuralgia, and a eer
tain rwrrforthe Whiten
an»l Prolapsus Pterii
K**r full particular..
history of diseases ami