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BY FREEMAN & BRO.
l\ic Calhoun (times.
Trite Love.
I would that, every angry shaft
From Trouble’s bitter sheaf
Would wing its flight to pierce my heart,
To give to thine relief.
I would that every ill and woe,
And every carking care,
Would force their way within my breast,
That I for thee might bear.
I'd genial deem the icy chill,
The biting frost and cold,
The stormy tempest, Love, if thou
Wert sheltered in the fold.
If my frail bark were tossed about,
Os angry waves the sport,
Calm as on glassy lake I’d feci,
If tHou vvert safe in port
And if thy choice o’er me should pass,
To bless another’s life,
His truest friend I’d ever be,
Because thou wer‘. his wife.
EJTIE’S FORTUNE,
And How She Fornid It,
BY AMY RANDOLPH.
“I don’t call it any better titan cheat
ing !” said old Mr. Pepperell, indignant
ly. “Aye you may open your big eyes
Miss Effie, and look as red as you please
—it don’t alter the truth of things.—
you’ve no more right to live in my
house and cheat me out of the lent of
it, quarter after quarter, than jroil have
to put your hand in my pocket and take
out my purse. Thqre ! that’s what you
may tell your fine gentleman papa, and
say it’s old Roger Pepperell’s outspoken
idea of things.”
So Mr. Pepperell went away, slain*
tiling the do r behind him in his wrath,
Effie Arden stood a moment silent
and trembling, in the entry, and then
she ran back into the sitting room, cry
ing a sparkling shower of bright-drop
ping tears.
Juliet, her oldest sister, looked up
from the dress she was patiently darn--
ing with—
“ Effie darling, what is it?”
“ Nothing, J uly, nothing. Only we
Hro so miserably poor, and it is so hard.
And papa will keep toiling away at that
big book, that will never bo finished.—
And —and —we have no money for any
thing. Oh, it is so cruel, so mortify
ing! I would have given anything in
the world for twenty, five dollars just
now, to pay that horrid old Pepperell!”
Juliet smiled faidtly.
“He is dot §o Horrid, my darling;
bnly the idea that w’e are in debt.”
“ It’s all horrid together ; and oh,
July, I feel so fettered—so tied down.
If I were a muscular servant girl, I
could earn my board, and plenty besides,
in any one’s kitchen ; if I were a man
1 could.make my own way in the world;
but Ia young lady. Ob, how mis
placed l feel in the world !”
“Don’t you fret, dear,” said Juliet,
Soothingly; “it will all come right.—
There is old Mrs. Dallas at the door ;
run and let bet in.” . ,
“I don’t want to see her,” said Effie,
sorrowfully. “ She will only talk about
the fashions, and her Son’s nev wife,
and her niece, Musadora liawkins, and
1 have heard that a score of times bo*
fat'd”
Bui she obeyed the tinkling sum
mons of the bell nevertheless, and old
Mrs. Dallas, satisfied that all the world
was more than delighted to sec her,
trundled cosily into the room, and es
tablished herselt in the cushioned chair,
whence she codld survey and talk to
the sisters at once.
‘•Always at. work, Miss Juliet,” she
said, nodding her head at the elder one.
“Well, I always did say you’d nlake a
good wife—taking thought for the house
hold, you know, and all that Sort of
Proverb-of-Solomon thing And Miss
Effie, she’s like a sunbeam —a butterfly.”
Effie smiled.
“ I wish I was a working bee instead,
Mrs. Dallas, with plenty of honey to
make.”
“ To be sure, to be sure,” said the
Md lady, “a very laudable idea; but
I don’t see that the working classes are
any better than the rest of us Now,
there’s Musadora Hawkins, my niece—”
Effie made a little mouth at her Sister
as the venerable lady slipped lazily into
her favorite channel of conversation —
“her maid has just given her warning ;
and only because Musadora isn’t willing
for her to go to parties the same nights
that she does herself. Did you ever !
And it’s an easy j lace too. The most
hiy niece cares about is to have bet
hair done nicely, and her dresses kept
fresh, and the trimmings changed once
in a while, and her laces and jewels
taken care of. Thirty' dollars a month
is good wages for that sort of thing, I’m
sure. You don’t know of any one who
would suit my niece Musadora, do you
girls ?”
“ No,” said Juliet, with a little feint
bf thinking.
u 1 do,” said Effie, flushed and eager.
Juliet looked at her in surprise.
Mis. Dallas brightened up.
u A French girl ?”
No ; an American.”
tl That is good. What is her name.”
“Euphemia Arden.”
Mrs. Dallas dropped her eye-glasses,
d click, to the floor.
“ Yoii’r joking, my dear.”
“No, I anil not, Mrs. Dallas. I’m in
kober earnest. I would like to earn
thirty dollars a month —it would more
than pay our rent—-and Juliet can man
age the household affairs vefy well for
bur small family, without me.”
“ But your papa —”
“ lie may think I am away on a visit
L —l do sometimes go—and he is too
deeply engrossed in his writing to even
miss me after the first day or two.”
“ It’s the oddest thing I ever heard
es,” said Mrs. Dallas. “But I think
Musadora would like you, my dear.—
You’ve a light, pleasant way with you
that is very taking, and you drees
your own hair charmingly. There’s
nothing like trying, any way.” .
And so, in spite of Juliet’s Faint re
monstrances, Effie Arden went to be la"
dy’s maid to Miss Musadora Hawkins,
the beauty and heiress.
Miss Hawkins was capricious, and
liked everything new and out of the
beaten track ; and she made a pet of
the slight golden haired girl, who slut"
tered like a tropical bird about her bou
doir.
“What an exquisite little nefress you
would have made, cara mia , she cried,
exultingly “And only to think—l get
you dollars a month !”
Mr. Pepperell’s rent was promptly
paid at the end of the month, and Kffie’s
heart was as light as a feather.
“ Now, dear, that you’ue tried the
experiment, and paid the rent, you will
come home again, won’t you/ coaxed
J uliet.
Rut Effie gayly shook hpr head.
■“What for ? It’s great fun to he la
dy’s maid to Miss Musadora Hawkins—
a sort of perpetual masquerade. And,
July, the money is so nice ! I feel as
if I had struck a gold mine. There
are so few ways in which a girl like me
can make money, and Miss Musadora
makes a perfect doll of me.”
Rut for all that, the red blood rushed
like melted coral into Effie Arden’s
cheek, one morning, as, sitting at the
piano, she heard Col Bruce Mainwaring
ask some question of Miss Hawkins,
and the reply, spoken with a laugh :
“ Who is she ? Why, my maid, to Be
sure ! Haven’t las good right to keep
a charming maid as you to have a yacht
or a pet terrier ? And she is the dear
cst little thing !”
After all, what should she care what
Col. Mainwaring thought of her ? Wiiat
was he to her? He would vanish and
disappear, like the other masculine lu
minaries that came and went across Miss
Musadora’s drawing room orbit, and
there would be the end of it all. He
had talked very pleasantly to her at the
bay window that morning, about Rome,
and the Pontine Marshes, and the Car"
nival, but so did plenty of other people.
Rich men, like Col. Mainwaring, had
nothing to do but study the art of being
agreeable.
“ You are growing thin, Effie,” said
Miss Musadora. “ What’s the matter ?
Your chyeks are not half so much like
pink verbenas a§ they used to be. I
shall take you to Long Branch.”
“I won’t go.” said Effie, resolutely.
“But you are ill.”
“No, I am not.”
“ Then you must drink port wine,”
said the heiress. “ And I will have
Doctor Morris see you.”
“I’ll not drink port wine, and I will
not speak to Doctor Morris !” vehement
ly asserted Effie.
“ You are an obsinate litte thing,”
said Miss Hawkins, “ and I shall have
to let you hdve your own wdy. But
one thing you shall do : lie down for an
hour; I know your head aches.”
And to this Effie consented.
The hour h id not yet expired, when
Miss Musadora came up, breathless and
eager.
“ Carita, what do you think ?”
“ I don’t think anything,” sleepily
murmured Effie, who had just began to
sink into the drowsy poppy thickets of
dream-land.
“ 0, but you will, when I tell you: —
Colonel Mainwaring is down stairs.”
“ Is lie?” Effie sat up, pushing the
bright hair back from her blue-veined
temples. “ Well; wliat is that to cue?”
“ A good deal. He has made a pro
posal.”
“ To you ?”
“ After a sort of proxy fashion, yes.
Only think I Had just made up my
mouth to speak the sweetly faltering
•Yes,’ when he had the audacity to tell
me it wasn’t me he wanted to marry at
all, but you !”
“ Me?”
“Yes’ me!” And now you must
jump up and go down to see him, for
the horrid, determined fellow will not
take ‘No’ for an answer ! No ; don’t
brush your hair ; it looks exactly like a
wreath of sunbeams about your liaed,
and your eyes shine like blue stars;
and if I were Colonel Mainwaring I’d
marry you too.”
And M iss Musadora gave Effie a con
gratulatory hug and kiss.
“Well,” she cried, breathlessly, when
Effie came up again, after what seemed
the longest half-hour she ever had ex
isted* through, “how is it? Did you say
ye§ ?”
“ Os codrge I said ‘Yes,’ Musadora,”
whispered Effie, hidirlg her flushed face
on the heiress’s shoulder.”
“ And I’m to lose my maid,” quoth
Miss Hawkins. “ Well, mm, he is a
splendid fellow, and you’re the prettiest
little girl I know ; but what will the
world say ?”
“ What it pleases,” said Effie, radi
antly.
So old Mr. Pepperell lost his tenants,
for Mr. Arden and Juliet, came to make
their home with Mrs Colonel Mainwar
ing, and’to this day old Mrs. Dallas—
the “ aunt of my niece”—-resolutely
maintains that she made the match. —
And nobody takes the trouble to con
tradict her.
Time, —Years rush by us like the
wind. We see Hot whence the eddy
comes, nor whitherward it is tending ;
and we seem ourselves to witness their
flight without a sense that we are
changed ; and yet time is beguiling man
of his strength as the winds rob the
woods of their foliage. He is a wise
man who, like the millwright employs
every gust.
Contentment consisteth not in add
ing more fuel, hut in taking away some
fire.
CALHOUN, GA., WEDNESDAY", JUNE 3, 1871,
Grief of a Faithful Dog.
When Jebhard Beise, the barber,
hung himsel f a few days ago, at his
house on the Hamilton road, a favorite
but uncouth looking dog, that he had
taught many tricks, and treated long as
a companion demonstrated his grief by
crowding close to the body, licking the
face and hands, and whining piteously.
When the undertaker came, the animal
was disposed to attack him, and it was
with extreme difficulty that he was re
moved and confined in an,* adjoining
room. The day of the funeral the dog’s
lamentations were loudef even than be
fore, and although it is not known how
he saw the proceedings he jumped
through the closed window and made
his way to the hearse. Unsuccessful
attempts were made to drive him back,
but he managed to keep close to the
hearse until it started, and then he was
allowed to trot behind it all the way to
Spring Grove. At the gate he threat
ened to attack the keeper, and contin
ued with the cortege to the grave.—
When the earth was thrown, the poor
dog howlea again, and when all was over
he sorrowfully departed with the other
mourners. It was an outpouring of
unaffected grief deeper than is often
felt for any man, and profoundly touch
ing.— Cincinnati Gazette.
Early Rising Made Easy;
“My old friend,” said Rossiter, says
a writer, “fixed his alarm so that at the
fore-ordained moment the bed-clothes
were dragged from the bed, and Rossi
ter lay shivering.
“ I have myself somewhere the
drawings and specifications for a pat
ent —which I never applied for—which
arranges a set of cams and wlicelworks
under the bedstead, which at the ap
pointed moment lifts the pillow end six
feet, and delivers the sleeper on his
fiet on the now horizontal foot
board.
“ He is not apt to sleep long after
that.”
“ Rossiter found another contrivance
which worked better. The alarm-clock
struck a match, which lighted the lamp
which boiled the water for Rossiter’s
shaving.
“ If Rossiter stayed in bed too long,
the water boiled over upon h s razor,
and clean shirt, and prayer-book his
mother gave him, and Coleridge’s auto
graph, and his open pocket-book, and
all the other precious things he could
put in a basin underneath when lie
went to bed ; so he had to get up be
fore that moment came.”
A New Phase of Hydrophobia.—
An article in the American Journal of
Science and Arts, piesents the unpleas
ant animal called the skunk, in anew
attitude. It appears that at the west
these creatures have a habit of biting
people at times, and that the bite al
ways results in hydrophobia A large
number of cases are c ; ted in illustra
tion. The hydrophobia produced by
other animals is much less fatal than
that from the skunks. Prom this it ij
possible to infer that the disease origi
nated with these animals, and they have
transmitted it to others, i f s power be
ing, as always, lessened by transmission.
They are its originators Then, to
carry out a suggestion offered in the ar
ticle, it is noticeable that the odorous
secretions of the skunks when adminis
tered in proper quantities, have a very
beneficial effect upon all sorts of con
vulsive troubles and attacks of that
kind. The inference is then made that
the liquid is an antidote lor the poison
of the bite, and the idea is thrown out
that in the skunk the source and cure
of hydrophobia may be simultaneously
discovered if any scientific person feels
inclined to wrestle with a problctn of
such innate strength.
Men Without Hearts —We some
times meet with men who Seem to
think that any indulgence in an affec
tionate feeling is weakness. They will
return from a journey, and greet their
families with a distant dignity, and
move among their children with the
cold and lofty splendor of an iceberg
surrounded by its broken fragments.—
There is hardly a more unnatural sight
on earth than one of these fathers with
out a heart. A. father had better ex
tinguish a boy’s eyes than take away
his heart. Who that has experienced
the joys of friends, would be robbed of
the aidden treasures of the heart ? and
values sympathy and affection, would
not rather lose all that is beautiful in
nature’s scenery ? Cherish, then, your
heart’s best affections. Indulge in the
warm and gushing emotions of filial,
paternal and fractional love.
Boys Using Tobacco.—A strong
and sensible writer says a good, sharp
thing, and a true one, too, for boys who
use tobacco : “It has utterly ruined
thousands of boys. It tends to the
softening of the bones, and it greatly
injures the blood, the spinal marrow,
and the whole nervous fluid. A boy
who smokes early and frequently, or in
any way uses large quantities of tobac
co, is never known to make a man of
much energy, and generally lacks mus
cular and physical as well as mental
power. We would warn boys who want
to he anything in the world, to shun
tobacco as a most baneful poison/
When we meet with neglect, let it
rouse you to exertion, instead of mor
tifying your pride. Set about lessen
ing those defects which expose you to
neglect and improve those excellencies
which command attention and respect.
Sidney Smith.
Why young ladies will persist in kiss
ing each other when so many mascu
line mouths are watering for eliptical
rapture of that kind, is something that
no fellow can succeed by hook or by
crook in finding out.
Early Marriages.
All things considered, we believe
the world would be happier if early
marriages were more frequent. When
men marry young, they open life with
glowing hopes and earnest ambitions
Idleness and frivolity fall away fiom
them. Responsibility stimulates facul
ty, and makes industry necessary.—
Many a man lias been saved by marri
age from dissipation and a wasted life ;
a young man with a young bride will
soon show the stuff lie is made of; vir
tues crop up out of soil that was even
thought vicious befote ; all that is man
ly, aspising, hopeful, earnest, exalted,
honest comes to the surface. If there
is health ou both sides—and it is only
marriage where the physical develop
ment is good and the health sound that
we are advocating—it makes little dis
ference what the worldly goods are
with which the couple are endowed ; if
the man is sound in health and of in
dustrious disposition, he is almost cer
tain to make his way ; while a young
woman with an honest, industrious, en
ergetic, affectionate husband, has, tak°
all the chances of life, about as reason
able certainty of a prosperous future
Jls any human being Whatever. The
man might die and leave her with chil
dren. Life insurance is a guard against
want if this occurs; against all other
chances she has the best card in the
world— the devotion of the honest
strong-handed husband Those who
marry rich may, and often do, become
poor; those who marry under the con
ditions we have described are almost
certain to obtain competency and as
sured comfort.
“All Right.’’
How many hear this expression a
dozen times a week, and have it stick
in the throats of at least half of them
It is getting to be a hypocritical ap
pendage of business and social inter
course.
A “ sponge” goes behind the count
er and cuts off a dime’s worth of tobac
co or cheese, and the groceryman says,
“ All riglvt.”
A customer returns a pair of shoes,
soiled aird injured after a hard day’s
wear, grunting, “ They are too small,”
and the merchant says, “ That’s all
right.”
A church member puts down his
mine for twenty-five dollars, to pay
the preacher, and when called he only
gives ten dollars, with the remark that
times are hard,” and the parson says,
“That’s all right.
A loafer makes a regular practice of
coming into a printing office and beg
ging a copy of the paper, stating, “ that
he wants to read it,” and although the
edition is short, the editor frowns with
ghastly politertess/s and says, “ that all
right.”
An extravagant debtor tells a petient
creditor every time he meets him that
he “intends to pay that account to-mor
row Certain,” and the poor dun turns
him off with “ that all right.”
And so it goes. It’s all wrong and
we say it’s “ all right,” and by want
of spirit and independence encourage
laziness, imposition ard every
sin.
Married Life.
This is good counsel from a wife and
mother : 1 try and make myself and all
around me agreeable. It will not do
to leave a man to himself till he comes
to you, tj take no pains to attract him,
or to appear before him with a long
face. It is not so difficult as you think,
dear child, to behave to a husband so
that he shall remain forever in some
measure a husband. lam an old wo
man, but you can still do what you like;
a word from you in the right time, will
not fail of its effect ; what need have
you to play the suffering victim ? The
tear of a loving girl, says an ol i book is
like a dew-drop on a rose; but that on
a cheek of a wife is a drop of poison to
her husband. Try to appear cheerful
and contented, and your husband will
be so; and when you have made him
happy you will become so, not in ap
pearance, but in reality. The skill re
quired is not so great. Nothing flat
ters a man so much as the happiness of
his wife ; he is always proud of himself
as the source of it. As soon as you are
cheerful yotl will be lively and alert,
and every moment will afford you an
opportunity to let fall an agreeable
word. Your education, which gives
ydu an immense advantage, will greatly
assist you.
God himself, his thoughts, his will,
his love, his judgments —are man’s
home. To think his thoughts, to choose
his will, to love his loves, to judge his
Judgements, and thus to know that he
is in us and with us to be at home. —
And to pass through the valley of the
shadow of death, is the way home ; but
only thus, that as all changes have hith
erto led us nearer to this home, the
knowledge of God, so this greatest of
all outward changed —fur it is hut an
outward change—will surely usher us
into a region where there will be fresh
possibilities of drawing nigh in heart,
soul and mind, to the Father ot us all.
Georc/e McDonald.
Who is old? Not the man of ener
gy, not the daydaboref' in science, art
or benevolence; but he only who suffers
his energies to waste away and the
springs of life to become motionless, on
whose hands the hours drag heavily,and
to whom all things wear the garb of
gloom.
If some are refined, like gold, in a
furnace of affliction, there are many
more that, like chaff, are consumed in
it. Sorrow, when it is excessive, takes
away fervor from piety, vi"or from ac
tion, health from the body, light from
reason, and repose from the conscience.
One Peculiarity of Love.
At first it surprises one that love
should be made the principal staple of
all the best kinds of fiction ; and per
haps it is to be legretted that it ia ouly
one kind of love that i* chiefly depict
ed in works of fiction. But that love
itself is the most remarkable thing in
human life there cannot be the slighest
doubt For see what it will conquer!
It is not only that it prevails over sel
fishness, but it has the victory over
weariness, tiresomeness end familiar
ity. .
\\ hen you are with a person loved,
you have no sense of being bored.—
This humble and trivial circumstance is
the great test, the only sure aud abi
ding te?t ot love. With the person
you do not love, you are never supreme
ly at your ease. You have some of the
sensation of walking upon stilts. In
conversation with them, however much
you admire them, afid are interested in
them, the horrid idea will cross your
mind of “ what shall I say next?”—
Converse with them is not perfect asso
ciation. But with those you love, the
satisfaction in their presence is not un
like that of the relation of heavenly
bodies to one another, which in their
silent revolutions lose none of their
attractive power. The sun does not
talk to the world ; but it does attract
it — Helps.
“While journeying by rail,” says a
traveler, “*I witnessed the following in
cident : Oce night, just after l had
scrambled into my sleeping berth, I
heard loud and angry voices proceeding
from the rear of the car. ‘ I tell you
this is a sleeping car, and you can’t
come in without a ticket.’ ‘ Begorra,
I had a ticket.’ ‘Where is it? ‘ I’ve
lost it.’ ‘lf you really had the misfor*
tune to lose your ticket, perhaps you can
remember your berth ?’ There was an
interval of silence, Daddy evidently em
ploying his thinking powers. ‘Och, be
jabbers,” he exclaimed at length, ‘I was
born on the 26th day of October,lß2B.’”
——s
A correspondent writes as follows
of a celebrated place in Colorado canon,
called Echo Park : “ When a gnH is
discharged, total silence follows the re
port for a mometit; then, with startling
suddenness, the echo is heard seeming
at a great distance—say five miles to
the south—whence it comes back in
separate and distinct reverberations; as
if leaping from glert to glen. Louder
and quicker grows the sound, until ap
parently directly opposite, when a full
volume of sound is returned ; then once
more the echo is heard, like the snap*
snap of a cap, far to the. eastward.”
A lot of rats were found, the other
day, in a hogshead that had beeti left
in a store at Exeter. The store cat
having been notified, climbed to the
edge of the hogshead, but, after sur
veying the situation, jumped down and
ran out of the door, reappearing with
another cat. The two looked at their
foes and retired, soon earning back with
a third cat. They now seemed satisfied
with their force, and made an attack,
jumping into the hogshead. The cats
had, however, miscalculated th& force
of their enemy, and two were killed, the
other being taken out in season to save
its life.
The author of a recent book about
Africa tells of a forest of acacia trees
he passed through. These are called
by the natives “soffai*,” a word signify
ing flute. The name is given because
the acac ; a trees are pierced with circu
lar holes by a small insect, and the wind,
as it plays upon the opening, produces
flute.like sounds. In the winter, when
the trees are stripped of their leaves,
and boughs, white as chalk, stretch out
like ghosts, the wind sighing .through
the insect-made flutes, fills tho whole air
with soft, melancholy tunes.
A standing antidote for poison by
oak, ivy, &c , is to take a handful of
quick-lime, dissolve it in water, let it
stand half an hour then paint the pois
oned parts with it. Three or four ap
plications will never fail to cure the
most aggravated case. Poison from
bees, hornets, &c., is instantly arrested
by equal parts of common salt and bi
carbonate of soda, well rubbed in on
the place stung.
Never be above your btisitt no
matter what that calling may be, but
strive to do the best in that line. He
who turns up his uose at his work quar
rels with his bread and butter. He is
a poor smith who quarrels with his own
sparks . there is no shame about an hon
est ealling. Don’t be afraid of soiliug
your hands; there is plenty of Soap to
b§ had.
Cere for Corns. —The following is
sdicl to be an excellent remedy for these
pests: One teaspoonful of tar, one of
coarse brown sugar, and cne of saltpe
tre. The whole to be warmed. We
clip this from an exchange and offer the
benefit of it to all our afflicted readers
free. Try it. It can’t do you any harm
if it don’t cure.
A TtRAt.THY gentleman, who owned
a country seat, nearly lost his wife, who
fell into a river which runs through his
estate. He announced the narrow es
cape to his friends, expecting their con
gratulation. One of them —an old bach
elor—wrote as follows: “I always told
you that river wa too shallow.’
When you see a boy hanging around
a store or place of business, when he is
sent on an errand, you make up your
mind he will grow up to be a miserable
loafer. Cut this out and paste it in
your hat. boys.
FUN. ITEMS.
At last Gen. Concha is going to try
the expedient of striking the carlists in
the rear. Just what they deserve.
The girl who wanted to “ kiss him
for his mother,” concluded, after she
got a taste, that she would go it on her
own account, hereafter.
Kind words arc wonderful in their
way,” sJnjs a parental philosopher, “but
so far aS children go. A bootjack exerts a
more powerful influence.”
A watchmaker wants to know wheth
er, if a man runs away from a scolding
wife, his movements should not to eali
ed a lever escapement
A country boy who has undergone all
the miseries of learning to smoke says
he can’t understand yet what sailors
mean by heaving up anchors.
A certain Ohio colonel, who has
traveled, announced upon his return,
that he had “ sailed up the Subterrane
an and explored the pyramids.”
Hartford, Conn., is getting spiteful
in her prosperity, and thinks the name
New Haven should be written “ new
haven,” as it is without any capital
now.
An Irishman“cngngfld in fighting a
duel insisted, as he was near-sigh tod.
that he should stand six feet nearer to
his antagonist than his antagonist did
to him.
A Delaware man committed suicide
simply because someone left a basket
and a baby on his front door step. lie
was afraid his wife would object to step
children
A photographer in Massachusetts was
recently visited by a young woman, who
with sweet simplicity, asked: “How
long does it take to get a photograph
after you leave your measure ?”
A cool specimen of humanity step
ped into a printing office out West to
beg a paper, “ Because,” said he. “we
like to read newspapers very much, but
our ne'ghbors are too stiugy to take
one.”
The wildest piece of table talk was
surely that of the man to tfhom a lady
complained of her upholsterer for not
having come for a table that needed re"
pair. “ Madam, he is an un-com-fort
able person.”
A somnambulistic dry goods merebaht
out west recently arose from his couch,
neatly cut his cut his bed quilt into
with his pocket-scissors, and then asked
his terrified wife if she couldn’t be
shown something else.
An eastern paper describes a fire by
saying that the red flames danced iu
the beams and flung their firey arms
around like a black pall until Sam
Jones got on the roof and doused them
out with a pail of water.
“ Why,” said a physician to his in
temperate neighbor, “don’t you take a
regular quantity of whisky eYery day ;
set a stake that you will go so far and
no farther ? “I do, but I always get
drunk before I get to it.”
A tourist met with a Scotch lassie
going barefoot toward Glascow. “ Las
sie,” said he, “ I should like to know if
all the people in this part go barefoot
ed ?” “ Part of ’em do, and the rest
of ’em mind their own business,” was
the reply.
When they want to find out in the
country if a girl is courting or not, an
old lady steps in and remarks : “ I say,
there ain’t no one sick in this house or
nothin’ is there ? I seen a light burn
in’ nigh onto to twelve o’clock last night,
but I don’t smell no camphirc nor noth
in’ round.”
“ The fact is,” said an elderly wife,
“a man does not know how to straight"
en up things. Ho does not know how
to commence ” “ I don’t wonder,” she
remarked in conclusion, “ that when
God made Adam He went right to work
and made a woman to tell him what to
do.”
“ Mistlier ! misther ! what havo yc
done?” said a native of Wicklow to an
Englishman who had just tied his
horse to a telegraph pole on the street.
“ Weil, Pat, what’s the murder ?”
“ Jist this your honor. Ye’ve hitch
ed your horse to the magnetic tilegraft.
and ye’ll be in Dublin in two minutes if
ye don’t look out.”
A newly-married couple found them
selves in a railway carriage with only
one fellow-passenger, who appeared to
sleep profoundly. Soon the lady com
menced to call her young husband all
the endearing names that natural histo
ty can supply. The traveler roused up.
begged the lady to call her partner a
“ Noah’s Ark” at once, and allow him
to sleep quietly.
The evidence of a witness in a life
insurance case involved in the blowing
up of a steamer on the Ohio, is droll
just because it is characteristic. The
witness knew the missing man, and saw
him on the deck of the steamer before
*he explosion. When asked by the law
yer, “ what was the last time you saw
him ?” he answered, “the very last time
I ever set eyes on him was when the
biler busted, and I was going up. I fflel
him and the smoke pipe coming down.”
Another horrible sf'erie in the British
royal family. The duchess of Edin
burgh had borrowed the princess of
Wales’ crimping irons. In returning
them she presented the hot ends to her
royal highness, who thoughtlessly took
hold of them, and then waltzed around
with one hand between her knees for
several minutes before she could speak
Eye witnesses of the occurrence ex
press their belief that the days ol the
Russian empire arc numbered.
VOLUME IV. —NO. 44
HOUSE MtiLf* HINTS.
Pancakes.—One egg, two
ful of sugar, one cup of sweet milk,
one teaspoon ful of soda, two teaspoon
ful of cream tajtar, three cups of
flour.
To wash calicoes or muslins without
fading, soak them two or three hours in
a paii of water in which two ounces of
sugar of lead has beeh dissolved; then
wash a$ usual.
M aCaik ni M dtton Some slices of*
mutton, k pound of macaroni, sauce of
any kind, pepper, salt,n tablespoonful of
vinegar, and a little water. I*ut“all to
gether in a stewpsn, keep the lid on,
and stew gently for an hour or an hour
and a half.
Orange Cream. —Take Irnlf a dor
en oranges, grate the peel into a pint*
ami a half of hot water, and beat up
with it foltf eggs ; sweeten tht; liquid,
pass it through a strainer, then siuiuier
it until it becomes the consistence of
cream and pour into glasses.
Sweet Apple Pudding. —Take one
pint of scalded milk, half pint of Indi
an meal, a tablespoonful of salt, and
six sweet apples, cut into small pieces,•
will afford an excellent rich jelly. This
is one of the most luxurious yet simple
puddings mado.
Pickled Kuos. —Boil the tequired
number until they are quite hard. Af
ter earefiilly removing the shells place
in a wide-mouthed j »r, and pour over
them scalding vinegar, well scanned
with whole pepper, allspice, a few cloves
or garliek, and a race of ginger if liked.
When cold, cover closely and they
will soon be fit for table.
Almond Tablets.— Dissolve In the
oven ono ounce of white wax in a small
jelly jar, with half an ounce of almond
oi' and six drops of essence of almonds.
When melted, pour into lids of pomade
pots, or the pot itself, having oiled them
for turning out when cold. When used
on tho hands; this whitens and smooths
them greatly.
A Natural Curling Fluid. —Take
equal parts of gum arabic, borax and
camphor; dissolve in a quart of boiling
water, a quarter of a pound of tho mix
ture; strain and bottle the preparation
for use. At night apply with a small
brush, and wrap the hair in papers.—
This is excellent and harmless for mak
ihg those frizzets so popular for the
fronts of bonnets.
SrANisn Ruffs. —Put into a satire*
pan a teaeupful of water, a tablespoort
ful of powdered sugar, half a teaspoon*
ful of salt, and two ounces of butter ;
whilte it is boiling, add sufficient flour
for it to leave the saucepan; stir in,
one by one, the yolks of four eggs, drop
a tsaspoonful at a time into boiling
lard, and fry them to a light brown.
Crumpets. —tleat Well two eggs and
put them in a q’iart of water, or better,
of half milk and half water, which
must be warm; and a tablcspoonful df
yeast ; beat in as much flour as will
make them rather thicker than com
mon batter pudding. Make your bakes
stone very hot. Take a tin ring the
sizo and shape of a muffin ; pour in tho
batter, and turn quickly with a thin
broad knife till done.
Meat Sanders. —A scollop shell or
tin for each person, some scraps of
cooked meat of any kind, crumbs of
bread, a little gravy, one onion and sha
lot for each shell, mashed potatoes, pep
per and salt. Cut up the meat intd
mince, line the shell with mashed pota
toes ; put in the meat, bread crumbs;
onion and shalot cut fine, with the sea
soning; cover all with more mashed po
tatoes, and on the top a small piece fctf
fat; bake in an oven before the fire,
and brown.
Meat Rissoles.—Any kind of cojd
meal, and in any quantity; bread
crumbs according to the quantity of
meat, more or le*s ; chopped herbs, and
pepper and salt; one Or more eggs.—
Mince the meat, aud stir it well into?
the bread crumbs with the chopped
herbs and seasoning; and make all into
a thick paste by means of the egg«,
which are to be beaten np ; then divide
into bails or cones, which are to be
fried to a light brown color, and served
with mashed potatoes or boiled rice, or
both.
Meringue Pudding --Put a tea
cupful of rice to one pint of water ;
when the water is boiled out, add one
pint of milk, a piece of butter the size
of an egg, and the yolks of three eggs ;
beat the yolks into the gi ated rind of
one lemon, and mix with the rice ; but
ter a pudding dish, pour in the mixture
and bake lightly. Beat the whites of
the eggs with one teacup of sugar ana
the juice of one lemon, when the pud
ding is nearly done, spread on the frost
ing, and bake it to a light brown in a
slow oven.
Hop YeaS'E —No thmily ought td
be without a hop vine,for nothing grows
more readily, or is more useful for do
mestic purposes. Nor can the com
pressed hop? of the drug stores he com
pared in strength to those grown at
homo. If you have only a paved yard,
Dike Up a brick ; buy; bog or borrow a
rooted vine, which will bear the second
year profusely, and continue bearing for
your children after you. Indeed, if
you have no other space to spare for it,
put a box in your attic window, stick in
your root, and let it run over your roof
and chimney. Gather your hops whet!
ripe; put them into a bag and hang irt
a dry place. Thus yon will be sure of
fresh yeast all winter, a good cordial for
dyspepsia, and a narcotic which will
sooth pain when other thing*? fail. A
pillow filled wsfch hops is almost one of
the necessaries of housekeeping: