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CALHOUN WEEKLY TIMES.
By D. B. FREEMAN.
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Labor: An Ode.
BY a. W. B.
Toil swings the axe, and forests botv ;
The seeds break out in radiant bloom,
Rich harvests smile behind the plow,
And pities cluster round the loom,
where towering domes and tapering spires
Adorn the vale and crown the hill,
Stout Labor lights its beacon fires,
And plumes with smoke the forge and mill
The monarch oak, the Woodland's pride,
Whose trunk is seamed with lightning
scars, (
Tori launches on the restless tide,,
And there unrolls the flag of stars;
The engine with its lungs of flame,
And ribs of brass and joints of steel,
from Labor's plastic fingers caihe,
With sobbing Yaltc and Whirling wheel.
Tis Labor works the magic press,
And turns the crank in liiVes of toil,
And beckons angels down to bless
Industrious hands on sea and soil.
Here sun-browned soil, with shining spade,
Links lake to lake with silver ties,
Strung thick with palaces of trade,
And temple towering to the skies.
the myrtleville Vandal:
It commenced by Mrs. Sawyer’s arri
val at Mrs. Muffit’s early in the fore
noon, evidently in a state ol‘ great ex
citement, and full ol news. With an air
of profound mystery, she d.rew Mrs.
Muffit from the wash tub to the sitting
room, and said to her
“ What do you think has happen
ed ?”
Now Mrs. Sawyer was well knowil iri
Myrtleville as “ newsy,” as one who lost
no opportunities of collecting the most
reliable and startling items of informa
lion regarding the sayings and doings
of the Myrtievilliaris. Accordingly Mrs.
Muffit prepared her mind for tidings of
the moment.
. What is it?” asked she, drying her
hands on her apron and settling down
in a chair for a “ good talk.”
“ You’ll not tell I told you ?”
“ .lever.”
“ Because it wasn’t intended for me
to hear. 1 just happened over to Mrs.
Seymour’s this morning, and Mrs. Kito
1) was in there, and the door stood open,
and 1 couldn’t but hear what was said,
you know, and —”
“ But what was it ?” cried Mrs. Muf
fit, as Mrs Sawyer paused for bicath.
“ Fred Seymour and Belle Grainger
has eloped. l ”
“ VAO9A 1”
“ Mis. Seymour was just telling Mrs.
Kitely as I went in. As soon as they
nw me coming, they began to talk
about the news in the morning’s paper;
hut you can't throw uie oft the track in
that way.”
“ Oh, my goodness!” cried Mi’s. Muf
fit. suddenly, as if some inspiration had
seized her. i . i
■ ‘ you’ve heard something, too,” fried
the wjdow.
“ No, but I saw Belle Grainger this
morning, quite early, pass by here in
|lie.direction of the depot, and she had
on her traveling dress and her water
proof, and carried her satchel.”
“ Going to meet him on the eight
o'clock train. Oh, the sly, deceitful
thing. Think of her .poor father.”
And her sick mother. It is awful,
•nd everybody knows Fred Seymour is
n.: good as engaged to Susy Bel
• /! ’i .
“ There ! I’ll go right over to Bel
knap's” cried Mrs. Sawyer. “ Some
body ought to break it gently to poor
Susan. Poor girl. No wonder they
went off slyly.”
And away hustled Mrs. Sawyer to
find Mrs. Belknap and Susy in the sit
ting room, sewing. It was a keen sat
isfaction to tell the news there, for Mrs.
Belknap, being in delicate health, and
possessing ample means, kept a servant
and lived in a style of refinement that
Myrtleville generally condemned as
“ putting on airs.” To take her down
a peg, as Mrs. Sawyer mentally re
solved to do, was a vulgar triumph she
enjoyed greatly in anticipation. But it
was in anticipation only, Mrs. Belknap
and her daughter received the news in
a quiet way as it the gossip possessed
no special interest to them, asking no
questions and manifesting no chagrin.
The story had grown a little on its ,vay
through Mrs. Muffit’s sitting room, and
Mrs. Sawyer had now a full description
of the runaway bride’s costume, and
the train was specified upon which the
young couple traveled.
But after Mrs. Sawyer bad gone to
take her news elsewhere, Susy turned a
very pale faeo to her mother, asking pit
ifully :
“ Oh, mamma, can it be true ?”
“ I will go over to Mrs. Seymour’s,
dear, if you wish it.”
“ Not for the world. If it is true,
we must never let any ony know we
feel it,” and her lips quivered. “ For
tunately, no one knows we are actually
engaged. If it is true ”
“ It seems to come very direct,” said
''.is. Belknap, as she drew her daugh
ter in a close, motherly embrace. “Mrs.
.Sawyer is a terrible gossip and busy
body, but I never knew her to be guilty
of absolute falsehood.”
“ Mrs. Kitely is very intimate with
Mrs. Seymour. I have heard Fred say
♦hey were schoolmates. So it is quite
natural for her to he telling Mrs. Kite
bo and speak of something else when
Mrs. Sawyer went in.”
l ' 1 can scarcely believe it of Fred,
Mrs Belknap.”
‘‘Nor I. And Belle too, who has
. en my friend so long, and her only
interest in Fred, seemed to be in his
,? V( ‘ or me. Oh, mother, I can’t be
lieve it.”
. In the meantime the story was spread
ing from house to house, gaining a little
ere. and a little there, as it was repeat
!r : Mrs, Gray had seen Fred Seymour
j 0 ! r io ln direction of the depot at
* fast seven, and it did not seem to
Y jUr to gossips that, as his busi-
€«ll|cm« UhcMn «ime*.
VOL; V.
rj —T— —r - • ~~T\ —-- 7
nes3 was iu New York, this- Was a sight
of daily occurrence. Another one had
always thought Miss Grainger’s quiet,
modest manners covered a deceitful
heart. Some pitied Susy; some con
gratulated her upon her escape. The
young couple were discovered to have
every fault the imagination of their rc
cusers coulc summon up; and Mrs.
Belknap and Mrs. Seymour shared the
odium and pity with. Mrs. Grainger,
who certainly should have attended
more strictly to the education of her
daughter, and given more careful moral
training. , , 1 -•
Every mother in Myrtleville wa3 pi
ously thankful it was not her girl who
had disgraced hciself; and the daugb:
ters, as a general rule, secretly wished
they had had Miss Grainger’s chance,
for Fred Seymour was decidedly a beau
in Myrtleville, and his mother was
known to have a ptoperty from her
late husband that would make the
young man independent when, in the
course of nature, it reverted to him.—
He was engaged on one pf the Jn.ily
evening papers of the great metropolis,
and considered talented and. Upright, a
man who in tiine would make a name
and position of honor. His attention to
Susie Belknap thotigh the fact of their
engagement had not yet been published,
had been too marked to escape the no
tice ol eyes so prying as those possess
ed by the good people of Myrtleville,
and his inconstancy was a matter of
maryej as Susie was a maiden whom
any than might have been proud tc
win.
Wlun the four o’clock train crime in,
Mr. Grainger, a little nervous man, all
excitability, was amazed at the sympa
thizing faces which greeted him on tho
platform. A chill like death seized his
heart. For years his wife had been an
invalid, suffering from spine complaint.
Had she died while he was away ?
White as a sheet he turned to a friend
standing near, saying :
“ Why do you look so at. me ? What
is the matter at home ?”
“My poor friend, have you heard
nothing?” , .
A choking sensation came over the
loviHg husband, but he struggled against
it, saying :
“ Quick, tell me ! Is it Mary ? *
“ No. Mrs. Grainger is as well as us
ual, I believe ; but there’s a very sad
story to break to you regarding your
daughter.”
Wrath took the place of terror.
“ My daughter !” cried the. little man
furiously. “ Who dares to carry stories
about my daughter ?”
“ Well—you—see,” stammered his
friend, the woileti folks say she eloped
this morning with Fred Sewnoftr.
,l Fred Seymour ! Why, he’s head
over ears in love with Susie Belknap ;
my Belle ! Why, she’s been engaged
for two years to Lieut. Weston of the
navy, though we did not publish it
for the benefit of all the tattlers in
Myrtleville.”
“ I am afraid,” was the reply, that, it
was the fact of these engagements that
drote them to secrecy a elopement.
“ I tell you the Whole story is false !”
roared the excited father. “ I’ll make
these mischief makers eat their own
words ; uiy Belle, indeed ! They must
be crazy.”
But on his way home, Mr. Grainger
met the report in so many places, heard
it ih stich plausible versions, that he en
tered his wife’s room with a very grave
face, from which all angry excitement
had vanished. . .• ,
“ Where is Belle ?” .lie asked.
“ She went to New York this morn
ing to do some shopping. She will stay
at her Aunts to-night.”
“ Did young Seymour go up on the
same train ?” ,
“ I suppose so. He usually goes at
eight, aod that was the train that Belle
took ”
Ho was on the point of telling his
wife the whole story, but on second
thought he restrained the impulse.—
Sure in his own fatherly confidence in
his gentle, modest child, that there was
some mistake admitting of explanation,
he said nothing. After all, it was a
subject of congratulation that none of
the busy bodies of Myrtlcville had in
vaded the sick room, and he easily made
some trivial excuse for going out again,
lie was determined to sift the gossip
thoroughly before alarming the invalid,
and his visit was to the telegraph office
at the railway station.
“Is Belle at your house ?” flashed
over the wires, and was carried to a
handsome house in the city.
“ Yes. Will bo down on the next
train,” was the answer ; for poor Belle
imagined there was death or frightful
illness to cause her father’s message,
when a v'sit to her aunt’s was such a
common occurrence.
Satisfied on this point, her father
quietly Waited until the train came in,
walked up Maine street with his daugh
ter bn his arm, left her at home, and
started out to defy all Myrtlcville.
From house to house he traveled with'
exemplary patience, and followed the
snake-like coils of tin story, till he
faced Mrs. Sawyer, who earnestly as
sured him r
“ Mrs. Seymour and Mrs. Kitely
were in the sitting room as I came in
the back way through tKo kitchen. —
They were talking, arid just as I got to
the door Mrs Seymour told Mrs. Kjte
ly that her son and Belle Grainger had
eloped. They saw me then, and Mrs.
Seymour said very carefully.
“ Here are the morning papers,
Mrs. Kitely, just to change the conver
sation.”
“And you rushed off to carry the
news all over Myrtlcville,” said Mrs
Grainger.
“ Well, I thought it must be true
from such an authority.”
“ 1 tell you I heard her as pltrin as I
CALHOUN, GA„ WEDNESDAY, AUGUST lt>, 1874.
Hear you now.”
“ Telling Mrs. Kitely her son and my
daughter bad eloped ?”
“ Yes I’d swear it on my oath !”
said Mrs. Sawyer, as if there were sev
eral other ways of swearing, if she chose
to take her eh~ibp.
“Suppose you step over to Mrs.
Ki'elv’s with me ?”
“ Well, I will.”
But to Mrs. Sawyers discomfort, Mr?
Kitely denied tKc jftc'ry euiireiy. Mrs.
Seymour had never given her any such
information, either in confidence or oth
erwise Mrs. Sawyer tearfully persist
ed in her story ; and finally the trio
went to Mrs. Seymour’s. The hero
of tlia story was by this tims at home
eating l.is supper when the visitor en
tered.
It was an awkward story to tell, but
it was told ; and Mrs. Seymour’s face
Was a picture of indignant surprise.
“I ?” she cried—“ I say my Fred
eloped with Belle Grainger ! Why,
Mrs. Sawyer, you must surely bedream-
Ihg!”. ,
“You said so. I beard you,” sobbed
the widow.
Said what ?”
“ You said distinctly “ Belle Grain
ger ran away with my son this morn
ing.”
At this moment Mrs. Seymour burst
into a fit of uncontrolable laughter, to
the great consternation of her audi
ence. She laughed till she was ob
liged to wipe the tears from her eyes ;
when, catching sight of Mr. Grainger’s
disturbed face, she said, with sudden
gravity :
“Pardon me, Mr. Grainger, I see I
have most innocently caused you a se
rious annoyance. The truth of the sto
ry is this : Fred, as you know, has all
the morning papers sent to him on the
morning train, and many of the neigh
bors come in to borrow them. Mrs
Kitely always likes to see the Sun, and
I save it for bet; but this morning your
daughter stopped on h,er way to i the de
pot for a paper to read as she rode to
the city, and took the Sun. When Mrs.
Ivitely .came for the papers I s;tid to
her, “ Belle Grainger ran away with my
Sun this morning.”
“ And all Myrtleville Ins been busy
with the scandal Mrs. Sawyer manu
factured out of your remark,” cried
Mr Grainger. “ I can only hope she
will be as active in contradicting as she
was :n circulating it.”
But to this day Mrs. Sawyer persists
in declaring that she can’t see where
she wa/ to blame, after all* /'Tny.body,
she is quite sure, might have made such
a mistake on the same ground.
“ Pretty Susy was not long in doubt,
for Fred, having drawn from Mr. Srw
yer the confesion that ebe “ thought it
a duty to tell the Belknap’s the first
thing,” hastened over to his betrothed
wife, to give vent toi his indignation
against all tattlers and mischief makers,
and very soon Mr. and Mrs Frederick
Seytrfour’s wedding cards put the final
Contradiction to the Myrtleville scan
dal.
Men of Literary Geniusi
Tasso’s conversation was neither say
nor brilliant. Dante was either taci
turn or satirical. Butler was sullen or
bi'ing. Grey seldom talked or smiled.
Hogarth and Smith were very absent
minded in company. Milton was very
unsociable, and even irritable when
pressed into conversation. Kiiwin,
though copious and eloquent in public
addresses, was uieagfe and dull in col
loquial discourse. Virgil was heavy in
conversation. Da ,Fontaine appeared
heavy, coarse ahd stupid; he could not
speak and describe what he had just
seen ; but then he was the model of
poetiy. Chaucer’s silence was more
a§ r eeable than his conversation. Dry
den s conversation was slow and dull,
his humor saturnine ahd reserved.—
Cornille, in conversation, was so insipid
that he never failed in wearying ; he did
not even speak correctly that language
of which he was such a master. Ben
Johnson used to sit silent in company,
and suck his wine and their humors.—
Southey was stiff, sedate, and wrapped
up in cscetitism. Addison was good
company with his intimate friends, but
in mixed company he preserved his dig
nity by a stiff and reserved silence. —
Fox in conversation never flagged;
his animation and variety were inex
haustible. Dr. Bently was loquacious,
so also was Grotins. Goldsmith “wrote
like an angel and talked like poor Poll.”
Buike was entertaining, enthusiastic
and interesting in conversation. Cur
ran was a convivial deity. Leigh Hunt
was “ like a pleasant stream.” in conver
sation. Carlyle doubts, objects, and
constantly demurs.— The Intcrvinr
Loveliness. —lt is not your neat
dress, your expensive shawl, or your pret
ty. figure that attracts men of sense. They
look beyond these. It is the trttelovelr
ness of your nature that wins aftd Con
tinues to retaih the affection‘s of the
heart. Young ladies miss, it who labor
to improve the outward looks, w ile they
bestow not a thought on their minds.
Fools may be won by gewgaws and fasn
ionable showy dresses, but the wise and
substantial are never caught in such a
trap. Let modesty be you? dress Use
pleasant and agreeable language, and
you may not be courted by the fop and
sot but the good and tru'y uveat will love
to linger in your steps The result will
be your infinite gain.
—< »»■
Coleridge says there are four kinds
of readers : The hour*glass, whose read
ing runs in and out, and leaves no trace
of gain. The second, like the sponge,
takes everything. The third retains only
refuse that someone would throw away.
But the fourth, like the miner among
gems, keeps the gems and casts away
the clippings.
With Rfegare to the Grasshopper.
Gomes this way now on lifted wing
with fiery lightnings in his eye and the
cereal crops of six counties of Minnes
ota in his crauncbing teeth, the wi and,
unbridled grasshopper, of the West. A
jerky bird is the grasshopper. He folds
himself tip like a jack-knife releases
himself like an arrow from a bended
bow, propels himself over large spaces
and subsists oiLtfle botfntiy . he covers.
When he alights upon the field tlje far
mer looks for his crop, and behold like
the giasshopper which has passed, he
has antennae. For sociability and
gregariousness there are few wild fowls
like the grasshopper. He moves in
battalions of company [ront. and wher*
ever there’s ones tlierriare a million. —
Standing oh the grouty, his knees ov
erlook him like a stepladder, and his
tout ensemble is that of an overloaded
whae'barrow. He ha? the unbounded
stomach of a weekly story, paper for ce
reals, and when he ha§ cleared up the
standing crops of the county or State,
he skips to the next, picking his teeth
as he goes, and there gathering himself
in mass convention, he.follows the fash
ion of the time and “ points with
pride” to the record of the past. . The
youth of our country call him iudiffer
ently the grasshopper |nd the hopper
grass, and say “ Shoo ”at him as he
goes by. The hardy Utah pioneer
gently untangles the legs of him from
his hair and and covers him
with a No, 13 bopij tiro guest at Town
send’s Hotel in. Salt Lake City hears
him through all the silent watches of
the night rush tnto the window as
ore who has been sent for from afar,
and drop with a thud into the wash
bowl ; and the Digged Indian gathers
Him in trenches and barbecues him for
the noonday meal.
And this way he cooielh. The hour
when he shall appear in one immens
moving column at the upper end of
Fifth avenue, and take up his march
down Broadway with a platoon of
mounted polioe in faint, and an escort
from the Society for the Prevention of
Cruelty to Animals, no one can tell.—
Let us not speak unkindly of the grass
hopper. He has his faults; but who
has not ?—New York Tribune.
Fallen Majesty.
Eagles are subject to diseases, flesh,
bone, and blood, just like the various
poultry that die of croft p and consump
tion on the dunghill before the byre
door. Sickness blinds the eye that God
framed'to pierce «*d weakens
the wing that dallies with the tempest.
Then the eagle feels bow vain is the
doctrine of the divine right of kings.
He is hawked at by the mousing owl,
whose instinct ins.trnets him that these
talons have lost their grasp and these
pinions their death-blow. The eagle
lies for weeks famishing iti his eyry,
and, hunger-driven 6vcr the lodge,
leaves it to.ascend no more.. He is do
throned, and wasted to mere bones—a
bunch of feathers; hG flight is now
slower than that of the buzzard ; he
floats himself alone: now with difficulty
from knoll to knoll, pursued by tpc
shrieking magpies, buffeted by the
corby, and lying on his back, like a re
creant, before the beak of the raypn,
who, a month ago, was terrified to Hop
round the carcass til! the king of the
air was satiated and his permission
to croaking sooty to dig into the bowels
he himself had scorned. Yet he is a
noble aim to the fowlef still; yoft break
a wing and a leg, and fear to touch him
with your hand ; your dog feels the
iron clutch of his tabus constricted in
the death pang, and holding him up,
you wonder that such an anatomy —for
his weight is not more than three
pounds—could drive his claws through
that shaggy hide till*blood sprung to
the blow.— Christopher North in his
Sport ingjaebt.
PreseU ation of the Teeth.
In studying the cause of decay of teeth
Leber Rottenstein made various exp -r
--irnents to determine the action of acids
on dental tissues. It was found that ac
ids make the enamel which is naturally
transpa,raDt, first white obaque and mil
ky, and the dentine more transparent
and softer so as to be cut with a knife..
The acids which mavirtually effect the
first changes in the pr. luqt’on of carries,
are such as are taken with food or in
medicine, or such as are,formed in the
mouth itself by soflie abnormality in the
secretions of by an acid fernientatiorf sis
food. But acids alorie, says the “ lan
cet,” will not account for all the phe
nomenon of carries of the teeth. They
play a primary and principal part, ma
king the teeth porous andsott. In this
state, the tissues having lost their nor
mal consistence, fungi penetrate the
canaliculi of both the enamel and the
dentine, and by their proliferation pro
duce softening and destruct effects much
more rapidly" than the action of acid
alone. It is not pleasant to think that
fungi exsists in the mouth of all but the
verv cleanest of people. The means
ordinarily employed to clean the teeth
has no effect on these parasitic growth,
while water appears to destroy
them The great means of preserving
the teeth, then, sav.l “ Lancet,” is to
obsei ve the most scrupulous cleanliness
of the mouth and teeth, and to give to
the rising liquids & slightly alkaline
character, which is done by the admixl
ure of a little soap. — Galaxy.
Looking Guilt? —-Notbiug can be
more absurd than the idea that “ look
ing guilty proves guilt. An honest
man charged with dime is much more
likely to blush at the accusation than
the real offender, fvho is generally pre
pared for the evi nt* and has his face
“ ready made ” for the occasion. The
very thought of anything criminal will
bring the blood to an innocent man’s
hecks in nine times out ot ten
Sent at the * nh*e-
It was but a short time ago. between
Zanesville and Columbus that, the train
stopped at a small village, not a hun
dred miles from the former place. The
conductor crying out, fifteen minutes
for dinner.
The passengers of vt-hom there hap
pened to be a large number, rushed in
to the dining apartment and took their
soafs at the table, one of them deposi
ted his carpet bag in the chair next to
him At the usual time the landlord
passing around to make his collection,
called upon the aforesaid passenger for
his payment for dinner.
How much,? says the passenger
Eighty ceuts, replied the landlord
. Eighty cents for a din net ? why that
is extortionate.
No sir, it is not extortionate. Aint
that your carpet-bag ?
Yes sir, that is my carpet-bag.
Well that carpet-bag occupies a seat
and of course t must charge for it.
Oh !is that the case ? Well, here is
your eighty cents.
Turning to the carpet bag, the pas
senger rema iked: Welly. Mr. Carpet
bag, as you have not had much dinner,
suppose we take something, at the same
time opening its mouth, and turning
therein half a ham, a roast chicken, a
plate of crackers arid sundry other ar
ticles, amid the roar of laughter of the
other passengers.
The prevailing opinion among the
passengers was. that the carpet-bag
won.
Wanted to Knock Somebody.
I went into a Philadelphia bookstore
the other day for the purpose cf pro
curing a copy of Christopher North’s
well known Nodes Anibrmiancte. The
first person I encountered was a red
haired clerk, to whom I said :
“ Have you Nodes Ambrosia nut?"
“Wh wh-wh-what d’ you say ?” he
asked with mouth and eyes wide opeji.
“ t call and to ascertain if you have
Nodes Ambrostaiieop. /”
“ I don’t exactly—that is, I don’t
under knocked his what’d you
say ?”
“ I say that I understood that you
had Nodes Ambrosiancoe. If you
haven’t why don’t you say so at once ?”
“ I don’t know what you mean, i
never did such a thing in my life.”
“ Perhaps you don’t understand me.
I wish to sec if you have Nodes Am
brosiancoe. Christopher North’s Noc
tes Ambrosiancpe.”
“O, lib has, has he?" Ifffs knocked
his what you call it, has he ? Well, I
don’t care a cent if he has. You’ve
come to the wrong shop. You must be
crazy. Your mind seems to be Unhing
ed ; you haven’t —” (breaking of? sud
denly and addressing a clerk in the
rear ft the store). “ Say, Bill, here’s
a feller that’s foolin’ around here want
in’ to knock somebody. Get a police
man quick.” j
Then I left and hunted up another
emporium of learning.— Max Adder.
Reer ami Cigars at Elections;
A curious election case was recently
decided at Baltimore. At a primary
election of one of the political parties,
the voters were supplied with beer and
cigars, under a Contract made by ah in
teresting politician with the proprietor
of a drinking saloon. Suit for the
amount of the bill hating been brought
against the politician, the court decided
that such a contiact could not be en
forced, because the treating of voters
had a .corrupting .influence . arid., was
against public policy. In conclusion,
the judge said : “ These primary elec
tions, however, although they are not
prescribed by Jaw, pre recognized aqd
sanctioned by it, for the act .of 18G7
makes it the duty of the board, of po
lice commissioners to preserve order at
primary meetings and elections ; in
fact, they Have grown to be a part of
our political system. Imperfect-and
unsatisfactory and liable to gross abuse
as they are, they constitute almost the
universal mode by which candidates
everywhere are brought before the peo
ple for their suffrages. If they are
tainted by fraud or corruption, our po
litica, institutions are contaminated at
their source.”
The Two Sexes. —There is nearly
always something of nature’s own gen
tility in all young women, (except, in
deed when they get together and fall a
uigling). It shames us men to c ee how
much sooner they are polished in con
ventional shape than onr.rougii mascu
line angels. vulgar, hoy requires,
heaven knows what assiduity, to move
three steps, 1 do not say like a gentle
man, but like a boy with a soul in him ;
but give a girl the least advantage of
society tuition to a peasant girl, and a
hundred to one but she will glide into
refinement before a boy can make a bow
without upsetting a table. There is a
sentiment in all women, and that gives
delicacy to thought.and taste to manner ;
with men it is generally required, an off
spring of the intellectual quality, not as
with the other sex. of the moral.
Nearly Proverbs —Many a mans
vices have at first been nothing worse
than good qualities run wild.
When the tree is fallen every mango
eth to it with his hatchet.
To a gentleman every Woman is a la
dy. in the right of her sex.
' Diligence is a fair fortune and indus
try a good estate. s
A laugh is worth a hundred groans in
any market. ~ ty . , s .
Whenever the speech i'3 corrupted, so
is the mind.
may fe'e of interest to the lovers ot
the weed, to km>w that the yield of to*
bacco in Virginia will be small and not
of good quality.
The Xamber of Types in a se#spaper.
The Poughkeepsie Eagle, in hii article
on '• How mistakes happen in news
papers/' figures up the number of types
u ed in a newspaper tHefcize of the jfea
gle at 000,000, the dct-ual nuuib’er nfbits
ot metal arranged and rearranged every
day in preparing a newspaper the sire
ofthe'Eagle forjhe press. W.e Suppose
few people thiuk of the printing tnde
as the mcst exact and particular business,
but it is. In making type, variations
that ui’ght be allowed in the machin
ery of the finest would render ihe type
useless. It is seldom that type furnished
by two separate foundries can be used
together without a good dea! of trouble,
though they try it after the samp stnn
dat'd. We read onee in a while, u£ a
wonderful piece of cabinet work or mo
saic work, containing ten, twenty or fifty
thousand pieces, the maker of which has
spent some months or oVen years of la
bor in producing it, arid people go to see
it aq ; a grept curiosity,, but the most ela
borate and carefully fitted piece of work
oi this kind ever made does not compare
with that which the printer does every
day,. The .man w.ho does the first is
looked upon as an artist—a marvel of
skill, and if a hundred of his pieces are
put in wrong side up, or turned the
wrorig way, is not,observed in the,gene
ral effect—but if the printer in fitting
ten times as many pices together in the
same day, puts one where another should
be, or ttirhs one the wrong way, every
body sees it and is amazed at “ the stu
pid carelessness of those stupid printers ”
The Widow of a Honaparlel
There is a narrow, ugly street in Ral
more, where woman rrtrely comes, W
one is often scan there. It is the shape
of a little old yvoman, that sallies from
a boarding house on the' cornet, less of
ten recently than it used—a feeble, tot
tering frame, and a wizened, wrinkled,
face, wigged and spectacled. The old
lad y uses her attendant’s arm for sup
port, afic passes, apparently without no
tice, the groups of talkers that stare or
point her out to a StraUggr If some
of the more deferent salute f!er, she
straightens for a moment, anl returns
it with a touch of thq old grace that
wrought her fame and her misfortune.
She is not a celebrity of to-day ; her
story stretches back full sixty years, to
the days when a handsome pusillani
mous exile married her on his own ca
price, and repudiated her at the beck of
a brother ; lor she is Madame Jerome
Bonaparte, as she Iras always proudly
styled Herself, once the wife, row the
widow, of Jerome Bonaparte, King of
Westphalia. Beautiful, brilliant and
aristocratic Miss Patterson married him,
then an unknown stranger, against the
wishes and council of all her friends.—
She s how,old and peciiliai, Her son
Jerome, who never saw bis father, is
now dead, but his widow and child—a
third .Jerome, with Unmistakable Bon
aparte sac living in Baltimore.
A Pointed Hint! . ~
A story is told qf a couple of farm
ers who lived not a, great distance apart,
oiie of whom was noted for being very
penurious. One day his neighbor call
ed upon him while lie was eatjng din
ner, but instead of asking him to sit
down to the table with him, he kept on
eating and talking, just as though
the visitor had not a mouth in his
head.
“ Well what is tlie news, neighbor
Brown ?”
“ Nothing much.” .
“No news vp yniir wav, el ?” he
asked, Still helping himself to bis good
dinner while his neighbor looked on
with anxiety and appetite.
“ Well, yes, now that I .think on’t
there js just a grain of news. Mr
Jones’ cow has got five calves,” replied
the visitor... , !v . • ;
-Five calves! I rierer heard of
such a thing. Why, what the dickens
doqs the fifth one do wherf the other
four are sucking , .. .
: Vfhy, ho stands end looks on like a
duuib fool, just as I am doing now.”
“ Oh, ah ! Hannah, put on another
plate.’* „ v. -
Tiif. following story which tel's how
General Jackson got the title of “ Old
Hickory,” is related by Captain Wil
liam Allen, a near neighbor of the Gen
eral, and who messed with h:m during
(he Creek w.ar. Daring the campaign
the soldiers were moving rapidly to sur
prise the Indians, and were without
tents. A cold March rain came on,
mingled with sleet, which lahted for
several days. General got a
Severe Cold, but did not cotnplain as he
tried to sleep in a muddy bottom aui mg
his half-frozen soldipfsf Captain Allen
s( nd his brother. John qUt down a stout
hickory tree, .peeled off the bqrk. and
made a covering ,for the Genera!, who
was with difficulty persuaded to crawl
into it. The next morning a drunken
citizen entered the camp, and seeing the
tent,, krck< and it over. As Jackson crawled
from the ruins the toper cried, “ Hello,
Old Hickory ! come out of your bark and
jine us in a drink.”
Chinese Maxims. —t. Let cyery
man sveep the snow from his own dpor,
and not b i?y himself about the frost on
his neighbor’s tiles. ». *, q....
2. Great wealth corner ly destiny ;
moderate wealth by industry. s ...
3. The ripest fruit will not fail into
your urolith. * • . «< .
4. Tlie,pleasure qf dqing good is the
only one not wear out.
o. I*ig a well before you are thirs
ty. . . ,
G. Water does not remain,, in , the
mountains, nor vengeance in a great
mind.
It is ridiculous to be serious about
rifles.
ADVEfITISINO H VTK3.
IfeST 1 Tor eneh square of tc*i tines or less,
for.the fint inwrtion, and for each sub
sequent insertion, fifiy cents.
Mo.Sq’r* J \ .vi* M<»-». / ( ~fr •" T' 1 jins r.
rwo i 3}-«-•'» k ? ;.i*» V • 1 2.1* » i **uio
Four ** j r
\ column J 0. h d [ 15.00 i 25.1*0 I 40.tX)
* “ } 1 j.OO f 24.00 j 40.00 <*>.oo
1 •• | ‘26.00 ji 00 06.00 115.00
— — : ——* - - - -- -*
B*ST TVn lines of solid brevier, or* its
equivalent in space, make a square.
NO; I
A*rdrs*
The original greenbacks—frogs. g
M hat beats .1 good wife '! A bad
husband.
, - M e should never speak of ourselves,
either good or evil.
f *r - •» i % * *1 1 .«r
A mar may be great Uy ciunnce, but
never wise r.or good without taking
pains.
• t % J f *•
llefttsal. ui> the patios a husband to
push the baby-wagon Sundays is to be
made the ground for a divotce.
*+ i if' * ii
No per sou ever got stung 'with Bor-*
nets who kept aw.iy from where the?
were. It is so with bud habits.
• *»'.'• • 1 * l
BetUr count the Cost be fore .you niako
pleasure your business, or you will bo
apt to make your journey through a
funite! into a very small vessel.
i ic- ! • ' ♦ 4
“ Loojc ’ere now, Saiusha,” yelled a
(Jluy.cognty woman to the oldest girl,
“ don’t ,betid over that well so fur
You 11 tall in,there some of these davs,
and then we’ll have to carry weter!”
\Vhat a cevere. critic is time! i With
what a ruthless hand 110 blots .out tho
praises of mortals! How quietly he
shuts down ,his extinguisher, upon lights
that, the world said would never tro
out! . 6
J. * . ,
The N. V. World, with a boldness nos
of earth, denounces Theodore Tilton as
a “ koprophagous !” Great and eternal
goodness ! As poor an opinion as ■ate
pf t(hc man, ( we could never have
suspected him of that.
.1 j > ii ! ' ' '■ ,
T,here is nothing exquisite in the
Y ankee s reply, tp the European travel*
er: when asked, if he had just crossed
the Alps; he .replied,-- j, •
“ YVqalj my attention tp
the fact. I gue.°s I did pass a little risiu'
ground.”
, | ‘ \ . 5 ' * •
A man iti Covington made a bet, the
other day that he could drink a pint
and a halfof Cincinnati whisky in tw«lvje
hours. He won the J^et; and his widr
ow remarked at the funeral the
day that it was the first money he had
earned by hard work in ten years.
♦ ! * I*
A lady of remarkable conversation
powprs approached a medical friend
With : “ Hr. S t-, l havo a. very
sore tongue.” “ Let me look at ii,”
says the doctor. The unruly member
was duly protruded, /’lt is sunburnt,
madam, sunburnt,” remarked the doc
tor.
} t ? - •• 1 •!
A gentleman who camo soverol
thousand miles to view Texas with the
purpose of ptfijehasing, got a large-sizei
ed red ant on him, and, stranger as he
was, he cavort,ed around and used as
appropriate language as if lie had liyeyj
there all his life, and moved in the best
of society.
One English dinner in the unexper
ienced American stomach will produce
that r|igllt-r-gjgbt beafjvwith calico tails,
eleven giants wit-h illuminated headsj
on,?, awful dog vHth .t.wejvc, legs, and
fourteen bow legged ruffians chafed by
host of piracital.cauliflowers mounted on
saddles of beef rosted. , *
.> ; « 1 : •• -j** ft t t
After many days of arid de-siextion,
the vapory captains marshaled their
thundering hosts and poured out ,upou
scorching humanity, a.the thoroughly
vegetation a few inches of
apuaphuiali*” and that is the wny in
which a western journal descri' es the
advent of the recent rains.
Not many yc;irs a Hartford man
was drowned, apd friends brpught homq
the dead tqdy to his afflicted wife. As
they came to the front door with thp
qorhse, thq new, made widow applied,
and sadly remarked : ‘‘l gues»i ypg
better take him around to the back door,
so he won’t drip on the carpets !”.
I : 1. # ■ i I ! I
A mat) in lowa according tq she Bur
lington who had taken his county paper
for twelve years without pacing for it,
npon tfic day of his burial life kind
hearted, forgving editor. Called tp seo
him for the last, and stuffed a lioep dus
ter and a couple of palm leaf fpjps in his
coffin. He wai preparing him for a
warmer climate
\ > .-j-j, h .*•’ o. • «
A Wystprja philosopher discourses af
ter the following wise ; “ Do you .phew
gum ?. The price of three pieces ajweek,
at one cent apiece, amounts, to SJL a
year, or in.sidy-seven years tq
That sum will buv a complete St t.of Applq
tons Gychpapdia, a marriage 1 scenic, a
black bombazine dress for your .a.uqt, a
German silver coffin plate, ard a
Cut this young man, and jiastq it on the
back of your girl’s photograph.”
• i * •? t
The editor of the Burlrngtpq, (la,A
Hawkeye has dicovcrcd a woman who
will get ( up at six o’clock, kindle, the firq
get breakfast, rout out .the family wash
the dishes and sq£ cj;>l.*fcn. sqW; P Jbut->
ton on the neck xf he", husband*? shirt,
and hunt his hat, gq to gt mi -ion Sur-j
day-school and teach a class, attend
church, rush home und, have dinner over
aod the. things;cleared away. time for
afternoon Sunday-school, re?d the Sun
day-school papers tp the children,, go
church at night, and talk on her way
home about Sunday a3 a “ day of rest.”
u Here/low” said a policeman as hp
separated two fighting women outon
h*y street. “ Here’s enotigh of this what
do you mean by it/"“Musha thin,’*
said the one with red hair, “ this war
the cause of it: Sez she to me, sex she,
* That’ a foine morning this morning,
Mrs. Muldoqn,’ sez she : sez I to to to
her, sez I, ‘ true fur you/ sez I;
‘ Phawt hav yez la yer basket,’ sez she;
‘ Uvpr se,z I;“ It schmells/ sez she, ‘lt
don’t', sez l; If do/ sez she ‘ Yer a li
ar,' sez I; Yep aether, sez she
‘Phwat 1! ’,»s*. \ ; *.* \V£oop>'!” yez, site
apd then come along, an s that, w/*
, the cause of it.'